No one remembers but me

January 10, 2015 by Missing Noah

January 10th 2015. The due date for the baby we lost in May. We found out I was pregnant on Monday, and had lost him by Sunday. But I still know that he should be here. With Noah everyone thought about his due date. That he should have been there. Today, 32w6d pregnant with our […]

I am trying

September 10, 2014 by Missing Noah

My bi-weekly ultrasounds to check the brain and see if this baby will live start a week from today. I am terrified. I am grieving. I am still paralyzed anytime anyone asks me to hold a baby. Anytime I look at a baby. But I am trying. I am trying to not be the paralyzed, […]

1 out of 5

July 5, 2014 by Missing Noah

So we had our first appointment with the high-risk specialist(MFM), and first ultrasound Tuesday. Everything looks good. We could just see the gestational sac, as we expected. But man going over history was hard. Particularly when I checked in, in a room full of hugely pregnant women when they asked me what number pregnancy this […]

TFMR and the loss community

June 5, 2014 by Missing Noah

I want to write a longer post today about the strife we saw in the community yesterday. For now. This is a place holder. I will update more later. If you aren’t sure what I am talking about, I have links and thoughts on my Facebook page. I find myself writing short thoughts more often […]

Seven months

May 20, 2014 by Missing Noah

7 months. How is that even possible? The past month has been so wrapped up in infertility, and the miscarriage. The IUI was on April 16th. Six month from our last day home with Noah. This whole month has been about betas and tests and plans. It feels like my focus is split. This was […]

It went down

May 4, 2014 by Missing Noah

We lost another baby. We knew that these were the odds, but I thought somehow we’d beat them. Some days I wonder if we will ever get a rainbow.

The night before

May 3, 2014 by Missing Noah

Our next beta will be tomorrow. I told the doctor I would get the results myself, and that I wanted D to be here if they are bad. I’m preparing myself for this to be over. I have been clinging to hope. But I took a pregnancy test this afternoon. The only brand that has […]

Still in Limbo…FB page

April 30, 2014 by Missing Noah

Hey everyone. I want to thank you for your comments last night. They mean a lot. I have to keep focusing on the fact that they did go up. I also started a FB page a while ago. I wanted to have a place where I could share pictures or short thoughts that […]

So tired

April 13, 2014 by Missing Noah

Today was an incredibly hard day. We went to a birthday party and a housewarming party and they both had triggers everywhere. Other March babies. Newly announced pregnancies. A “save the date” on the fridge for a wedding on Noah’s 1 year still birthday. And a family with a son O’s age, and a six […]

Three Months

January 20, 2014 by Missing Noah

Dear Noah, Today is 3 months since your stillbirthday. I still miss you and think about you every day. It seems impossible that a quarter of a year has gone by without you. A month from today you will have been gone as long as you were alive. It seems crazy. Impossible. I get flashes. […]