Dear Noah, You have a little brother. He’s little, with a lot of fight ahead. Be for now, he is growing in the space that a year ago you occupied. Our hope for him are everything we hoped for you, but didn’t get. Mainly, a long, happy life. I wonder what he looks like. So […]
8 months ago yesterday we saw these hot air balloons out my hospital window while we were waiting for my induction to start. It was a moment of beauty in a very dark time. Since then hot air balloons have always reminded me of Noah, but I don’t think I’ve actually seen any flying. Until […]
I just read this post from the round up. And this quote stuck with me. “She said something that stuck with me, “Clare, a friend just told me that I am grieving publicly and that doing so, in the current world, is a rare rare thing.”” I think public grieving is becoming more common, at […]
It’s June again. Last year I was on CD3 of the cycle I got pregnant with Noah. I wasn’t expecting much – I’d only gotten my cycle back in March, and after it took so long with O and meds, I figured it would take a while. I ovulated on CD20 which was June 18th […]
I’m starting clomid tonight. I don’t usually get super anxious at the start of a cycle, but this time I am. Clomid is a new drug for me, so that is a little scary. I also feel like there is more riding on this cycle. With our IUI there was no time to anticipate […]
7 months. How is that even possible? The past month has been so wrapped up in infertility, and the miscarriage. The IUI was on April 16th. Six month from our last day home with Noah. This whole month has been about betas and tests and plans. It feels like my focus is split. This was […]
Dear Noah, Today is 3 months since your stillbirthday. I still miss you and think about you every day. It seems impossible that a quarter of a year has gone by without you. A month from today you will have been gone as long as you were alive. It seems crazy. Impossible. I get flashes. […]
2013 brought with it so much loss. I was sick for a quarter of it, but it’s hard to wish that away, for it was also my only time with Noah. It has been a year of change, We started off the year with Dan trying to finish his thesis as we planned our move. […]
Well, we did it. We survived Christmas. For me the build-up was worse than the day itself. I think it helped that it was just the 3 of us. No forced cheer, just very laid back and honest. I could be present in the moment with my family and enjoy Owen opening his presents, […]
Some days hurt more than others. Some moments. I can’t even tell you why. I’ll be functioning all day, and then start crying. And once it starts like that, it is so hard to stop. Suddenly I’m crying in the car, in the grocery store checkout. No real trigger, just suddenly it hurts so much […]
Navigating life after the loss of my Momma
My journey through the loss of my son and beyond
life after the heartbreaking choice to terminate a much wanted pregnancy
-- Surviving. Living. Hoping. -- Recurrent Pregnancy Loss & Adoption
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learning how to be the mom of an angel
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Hopeless idealism and [mis]adventures in longing, loss and love
Our journey to conceive a child after loss
my experience with recurrent miscarriage
The good, the bad, and the ugly in our infertility journey. TTC baby #1
My journey of TTC, infertility, miscarriage, and eventually pregnancy after infertility
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Life after losing my baby boy....
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my journey as a bereaved mama
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Missing Noah 