Rambling : almost 35 weeks

January 24, 2015 by Missing Noah

Rambling: a lot of stuff is coming up right now. I saw a whole bunch of tandem nursing pictures in a breast feeding group and it makes me sad. We would almost certainly have tandem nursed had Noah lived. He and Owen would have been only 2.5 years apart. Owen mostly self weaned this fall. […]

No one remembers but me

January 10, 2015 by Missing Noah

January 10th 2015. The due date for the baby we lost in May. We found out I was pregnant on Monday, and had lost him by Sunday. But I still know that he should be here. With Noah everyone thought about his due date. That he should have been there. Today, 32w6d pregnant with our […]

Getting close

January 3, 2015 by Missing Noah

Tomorrow I will be 32 weeks. I am terrified. I haven’t talked about it much, but with Owen, I started having contractions at 33w1d and he was born by urgent cesarean at 33w5d. He spent 18 days in the NICU. I had no warning signs a head of time. Just thinking about all of it […]

Tomorrow

September 15, 2014 by Missing Noah

Tomorrow we have the first of 3 ultrasounds to look at the brain. To find out whether or not this baby has a chance at life. I’ve been counting down, but now I’m afraid to know. As long as I don’t know there is the possibility that he is ok.

I am trying

September 10, 2014 by Missing Noah

My bi-weekly ultrasounds to check the brain and see if this baby will live start a week from today. I am terrified. I am grieving. I am still paralyzed anytime anyone asks me to hold a baby. Anytime I look at a baby. But I am trying. I am trying to not be the paralyzed, […]

My three boys

August 14, 2014 by Missing Noah

Dear Noah, You have a little brother. He’s little, with a lot of fight ahead. Be for now, he is growing in the space that a year ago you occupied. Our hope for him are everything we hoped for you, but didn’t get. Mainly, a long, happy life. I wonder what he looks like. So […]