China or bust

We're off!

We board our flight at 12noon today. Fourteen hour flight today--Lord have mercy. Gotcha Day is this Monday 7/14.

I feel like I'm leaving for the hospital to deliver twins, knowing that we'll have a 2 week NICU stay. Lots of nerves and excitement.

We'll be blogging the experience at our other blog: http://enlargethytent.wordpress.com/

Prayers for safe and uneventful travel (with minimal turbulence) please? And of course that the babies will bond with us and their grief will be brief and short-lived. And that everyone stays emotionally, spiritually and physically sound throughout the trip.

Marianna and Joseph, we're comin' to get you!

Jesus, Mary and Joseph--pray for us!

Introducing (new baby, new blog)

Our 'little flower'

and for those not on FB, a little added surprise which was made official this past week...


...her 'twin'
...our third son
...and fifth child

The nannies at the orphanage call him "Chairman"
...because he resembles Chairman Mao

Not biological twins but we are calling them our Chinese twins because they are the same age, born just a day apart.

We are out of our heads.

It will be another 5-6 months before we can travel. We are veterans of waiting but this will be the most trying exercise of patience to date. I beg your prayers as we must wait for these next few months tick by.


So girlfriends, all this means that I am officially nuts a momma-of-many. The infertile chick has her hands full and become the mother of FIVE. And I will be blessed with the twins I've always wanted but never dared to hope for. 

The Lord is kind and merciful...but I surely do not deserve this.

***Because this blog is more private by nature, we have created a new blog to chronicle our China adoption journey for friends and family. More details (and probably more frequently posting) will be found there: Enlarge They Tent

Please pray for us and these babies. Pray that we can have the graces necessary to parent them as they both have some special needs and are coming to us older than we've had any child join our family. Pray that they are being held and kissed and nurtured and loved until we can hop an Asia-bound flight. Because half of my heart is on the other side of the globe.

There names will soon be Marianna Therese and Joseph Michael.

Our very own Mary and Joseph.

My cup overflows.

Mamas--hold your children tight tonight

One coffin. Two little girls. Arms linked now and forever in sisterly solidarity. They wore the matching Easter dresses they were supposed to celebrate the Resurrection of our Lord this year. Instead, they will wear these to their own bodily resurrection at the end of time. Their surviving 5yo sister wore hers too. I was struck by how she was twirling in it after the burial, perhaps appropriately so to celebrate Heaven's newest saints.

Mamas (and dads)--hold your children tight tonight. For we know neither the hour nor the moment.

And please pray for the Lewis family who must learn to navigate this new normal while missing a full 2/5 of their family.

Eternal rest grant unto their souls and let perpetual light shine upon them. May they rest in peace.

The details

It's been 2 weeks since we announced that we are in fact adopting from China--and indeed that we've been at this for quite some time. We've not been intentionally quiet or neglectful about the details many have asked about. We genuinely have a gag order from China not to disclose identifying information or pictures until we cross a certain milestone in the adoption process--which God-willing will be very soon. There is much I want to share about the 'who' we are adopting but for now, I wanted to take a moment to explain the 'why' and 'how-come-you-didn't-say-anything-about-it'.

Adopting from China has long been on our hearts. Indeed we've been praying about since around the time we brought the boys home from Guatemala. Something about all those babies stuck in orphanages in a country with a one-child policy...I knew someday we would go there. But the daunting process, the considerably length of stay in country--especially since we have little ones still-- the long flights, the costs, the scariness of adopting from a Communist country, the nebulous idea of special needs adoption...it all just seemed too far out of reach. 

And yet God has a way of stepping in and simplifying the impossible.

Can I get an Amen?

We had a growing stack of info packets from various Chinese adoption agencies sitting around since before Baby Girl was born. BG's arrival in 2010 seemed to only have delayed the decision a bit. Before she was even 18 months old we decided to revisit the option once again and started interviewing agencies. But the 'impossibilities' just kept plaguing us. Logistically, it would be a nightmare to leave our kids behind while we traveled to the other side of the globe. Likewise, it would be a nightmare to bring them. And how could we possibly manage bringing home a child from institutionalized care, likely with significant (behavioral, emotional, developmental, medical) needs? Surely we were (are?) ill-equipped and unqualified. But like so much in life, we kept reminding ourselves:

God does not call the qualified--He qualifies the called. 

The desire could not be erased from our hearts. Our children longed for another sibling. Our table was still missing someone. More than a year went by of serious praying and discussing whether this was something we really could/should do.  Then one day in prayer, I happened upon this verse which would replay itself in our minds:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and rely not on your own understanding;
In all ways submit to Him 
and He will make straight your paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

It was clear that we could ignore the call no longer. It was now or never. Either we were going to pull the trigger or not. Time was ticking and we weren't getting any younger. In January 2013, we made that leap and signed the application with Chinese Children Adoption International. We told close friends and family but I think we were still in disbelief even as we gathered documents for our home study and dossier. I was certain we would hit a road block somewhere. We opted not to make a public announcement until we had a face to 'make it real'. 

July 2013: The completed dossier (aka "ultrasound") sans Immigration Approval

Now this was not our first rodeo in assembling a dossier for an international adoption but this time the paperwork through us for a loop. It just took f.o.r.e.v.e.r. to the get the necessary documents, seals, approvals, doctor's appointments, authentications, etc. We are fortunate to live so close to DC and the Chinese Consulate there so we could expedite the documents from the US State Dept and Chinese Embassy but it still took many months longer than we were expecting. We were at peace with it all though. There was no rat-race this time as there was with the last 3 adoptions. Things just seemed to happen at their own pace and we didn't stress about the length of time it was taking. 

We knew we would be paper-ready when the right child was ready for us.

US Immigration notice - that blessed final step in US paperwork

Finally, on Thanksgiving weekend, we received word that our dossier was in the hands of the CCCWA (Chinese Center for Children's Welfare and Adoption). We were now on the waiting list to receive a referral. We were given an estimated wait time of ~6-8 months before we'd be contacted about a referral of a child

We were pretty open to lots of different special needs but had some frequent discussions with our boys about what they thought they could handle. I won't go into details but suffice it to say that my boys are remarkable. They have such a beautiful, simple and broad capacity to love. There were some conditions that clearly scared them and about which they expressed concern--and we took note of this--but they were largely open to the idea of a sibling with a disfigurement and/or disability. My heart swelled as I would hear them talk about how they would help protect him/her from bullies. 

As I mentioned, we thought would be waiting until mid-summer before we would receive a referral. So we settled in for a good long wait. Without any paperwork to complete, the process became all that much more remote for us. The concept of going to China to find our next child was still that distant dream. For good or for bad, life with a husband and three kids and managing their education and the home was keeping my mind occupied elsewhere. Not gonna lie...this was an unexpected but welcome change from the anxious tire-spinning we experienced with the last three adoptions. I even remarked to my husband a couple of weeks ago that I have to remind myself that life really is about to change. That we really were doing this thing.


Then then suddenly, 14 long months after beginning the process, it all just got real. 


After just a 3 month wait, the phone rang on the evening of 2/26. We had dinner guests that night but my husband had just left to take our oldest to a Boy Scout meeting. My second son and I were playing a rousing game of Sorry! with our dinner guests when I got up to check the caller ID: incoming call from CCAI.

What the...?  

At 8pm at night? 

It can't be...

It was. 

I played it cool and told our dinner guests to keep playing without me and I took the call upstairs. 

The voice on the line told me, "We were not expecting to be able to give you a referral so soon but we have a file for a little girl that we think would be a great match for your family."

I listened as he gave me what little information he had. It was brief and heart-wrenching. A 15mos old baby girl. She had been found abandoned as a newborn and was very ill when she was brought to the orphanage. She spent a full month in the hospital receiving treatment which has left her with a large scar.

That scar is her special need.

I hung up the phone. My husband was out and I still had dinner guests downstairs. But I wasn't about to tell anyone but my husband first. So I took a moment to collect myself and walked downstairs to finish the game. I kept it casual, not letting on that there was anything going on--but I was stifling the desire to scream and dance. Our guests left an hour later and my husband and son got home shortly after that. We put the kids to bed, got a glass of wine and together sat down on the couch to open the email from our agency containing the medical files and pictures.

We just stared. Disbelieving. Here she was--our first glimpse at our daughter from across the globe. She was more beautiful than I ever imagined. Fourteen months of "adoption TTC" all came down to this moment when she was born into our hearts. We gave ourselves a few moments to read the files and let it soak in but couldn't wait any longer to tell the kids. They were still thumping around upstairs at 9:30pm so we called them downstairs. We told them the news and showed them the pictures, including a close-up of her scar (which I thought might scare them but did not). They were ecstatic but it was our oldest who is 11 who took that extra moment to process it and then said, "Wait...so she's perfect?!" 

Perfect indeed. 

Perfect for our family. 

Perfect and cherished child of God whose life was created for a purpose. 

More to come when I can share it...

So this is happening...

Coming Summer 2014...

It's a GIRL!!!

Septuagesima: Preparing to prepare

When my kids are having a rough day or just generally grouchy or having trouble getting along with others, we always offer them the chance to press an imaginary reset button. Sometimes I pretend to hold said button in my hand and they slap it or sometimes we just talk about it figuratively. In any case, it's a chance to give them a do-over. To start again. Begin their day anew. They have to practice walking down the stairs again as though they were just waking up and they get a hug and a smile and a promise for a fresh start as long as they really show an effort that they want to change their attitude.

That is what Lent is about to do for all of us. It's a grand spiritual reset button. A chance to take inventory of one's life and shed those bad habits, repent of our sinful, slothful ways and begin again.

But it's hard work. Overcoming our inclinations and concupiscence is some of the hardest work we will ever engage in in this life. We are gearing up for the Season of Lent soon and we needy to ready ourselves for it's rigors and demands. 

Historically in the Church, these last few weeks leading up to Ash Wednesday were known as the Season of Septuagesima.

This past Sunday was known in the old Roman Calendar as Septuagesima Sunday. This little known mini-liturgical season known as the Season of Septuagesima is marked - among those who celebrate it - by the priest wearing purple vestments, the absence of the Gloria and Alleluia at Mass and a general time of voluntary acts of self-denial and small sacrifice to prepare for the solemn season of Lent that will soon oblige us to fast, pray and give alms.

All these things are done during Lent - so why start 3 weeks before?

Because just as athletes begin their training with a warm up which builds with gradual intensity in the discipline of their muscles, so does the Church give us the Season of Septuagesima as a chance to warm up, to practice the discipline voluntarily so that come Ash Wednesday and throughout the Great Lent, we are ready and able to perform the obligatory fast. Though this season is no longer celebrated outside of those who attend the Old Latin Mass, it's one that all Catholics would do well to at least consider as a way to start thinking and preparing for Lent.

Translated from the Latin, septuagesima literally means "seventy" which roughly accounts of the number of days before Easter (actually, it's more like 63 days). However, the term more accurately refers to the 70 years the Jews spent during the Babylonian Exile by King Nebuchadnezzer. During this sad time in which they had been forced away from their homeland, the Promise Land itself, God's Chosen People did not see fit to sing their joyous songs, no Alleluia was uttered during this period of scourging for their sins. It was a time of atonement that served as a precursor, a prefigurment to the 40 Days of fast and preparation Jesus spent in the desert spent prior to His Passion.

So why should a Catholic in 2014 give attention to an archaic tradition in the Church?

For the same reason that the Church still obliges us to spend the 40 days of Lent practicing acts of self-denial. We grow weak through the year. Practices and disciplines developed during Lent are forgotten through the rest of the year. The spiritual conditioning our souls received through the rigors of prayer, fasting and almsgiving are all too often replaced with our old habits. So every year, the Church calls us back from our wayward ways and offers us a reset button to help set us straight again.

But let's face it: Lent is difficult. It's meant to be hard. It's intended to be challenging to both body and soul. As such it requires some time to plan, to prepare, the think and to pray about which areas in our lives require the most attention.

Have you noticed how hungry you are on Ash Wednesday? Suddenly being required to practice austere measures is like coming out of the starting gate a full sprint.

Septuagesima gives us time to condition ourselves before the Great Fast begins. But what distinguishes it from Lent is the voluntary nature in which this spiritual preparation is made. One is under no obligation to perform any one fast or sacrifice during Septuagesima. Rather it can be a time to just rev the engines a bit, to start thinking and praying about the solemn season that looms before us and the requirements that will be expected of us.

Where have we grown spiritually flabby?

What habits have we developed (or returned to) that interfere with our spiritual growth?

How can we best recondition ourselves to be both spiritually and physically aligned with God's plan for us?

What areas to do hope to work on for yourself?

What are some easy ways I can start practicing self-denial now?

What traditions will your family be practicing during Lent?

Do you need to research Lenten traditions for children? Catholic Icing has a fabulous compilations of ideas and links for Lenten crafts and practices to do with children.

Do you need to print activities like a Lenten Calendar?

Or make your own?

h/t Karen Edmisten

Can you find a way to fit daily Mass into your routine? Even once a week? Can you begin today?

What about the family rosary? Or is there another family prayer you can add to what you already do?

How about Stations of the Cross? Does your parish host these at your parish? Are they scheduled too late at your parish to be able to attend with you little ones? Why not do pray the Stations at home? Jen from Family Feast and Feria has a wonderful printable booklet for praying the Stations that is adapted for children.

*NB: Jen's blog is a Catholic mom's goldmine for celebrating the liturgical year. She has invested many many hours of labor to share ideas and resources online for free. However she just underwent open heart surgery and would greatly appreciate a small donation to help offset steep medical expenses. Please consider offering something to her if you print any of her original files.

Better yet...why not consider inviting other young families to your home on a Friday nights to pray the stations together? Last year, we followed Kendra's idea for hosting Soup and Stations each Friday night at our house. It was a rousing success and we are looking forward to doing it again this year with other families rotating who hosts each week.

Speaking of Kendra, head over to her blog for a fabulous post giving ideas for Thinking Outside the Box: 66 Things to Give Up or Take Up for Lent.

Do you want to include more spiritual reading? What books? May I recommend this one?

Septuagesima is a season of preparation. It's a way to ease into Lent by practicing small acts of prayer and sacrifice...yes, even now. Even if it's no longer officially regarded by the new Roman Calendar, it is fitting that every Catholic spend some time before Ash Wednesday thinking and praying for the training we are about to undergo.

"We should prepare to enter into Lent.  Soldiers prepare for battle and we are soldiers of the Church Militant.  We should strategize before the spiritual battle of Lent. Pre-Lent is planning time.   Holy Church knows you need this, which is why we have reminders that Lent is coming. " (WDTPRS) 

We can get a jump start on Lent in simple but fruitful ways:

1.  If it's not already apparent, pray to ask God to highlight the areas of our lives that need a little cleansing.
2. Talk to our spouse and how you can help each other. Can we swap days so we can each get to daily Mass? Is there a day during the week (Saturday?) where we can go to daily Mass together?
3. Talk to your children about Lent in an age appropriate way. Remind them that they will still be allowed to have lots of fun during Lent but help them come up with ideas of ways they could sacrifice. *Don't force or spring on them the idea of giving up candy or TV...let them take some ownership over what they would like to do.*
4. Start now but passing on that second serving at the dinner table or finishing food on the kids' plates. Practice that calm voice when your children are pushing your last button. Train yourself today by taking that parking spot that's furthest away from the store entry. 
5. Map out a spiritual plan for yourself and your family (with their input) for your goals of this Lent. We all have New Years' resolutions...why not have Lenten goals? 

This Lent is different from last year. Every year presents new challenges and we all develop new or return to our old shortcomings. I especially need to spend some time taking real inventory of myself. I hope we can all be as fully prepared as we can be to have a fruitful Lenten Season.

Re-post: Be My (St.) Valentine

From the 2012 files...

Poor Sts. Cyril and Methodius.

Their joint feast day is today in the new Church calendar but interestingly it's the saint of the old Church calendar (the one that nobody pays attention to outside of Latin Mass-goers) that anyone ever hears about. I suspect St. Valentine would be loathe to know that he is remembered largely not for his martyrdom or his lifetime of compassion and generosity to the poor and the sick but rather for that one last great act of love shown to a little girl whose blindness he healed. This last significant act of charity is what centuries of romantics have latched onto and in many ways exploited.


The history and significance of sending a valentine is thoroughly Catholic. According to his hagiography:

The night before his execution, the priest wrote a farewell message to the girl and signed it affectionately "From Your Valentine," a phrase that lives on even to today. He was executed on February 14th, 273 AD in Rome...the valentine has become the universal symbol of friendship and affection shared each anniversary of the priest's execution -- St. Valentine's Day. 

You can read more about the story in various books but my favorite is this little children's book:

Now, we actually have good reason to celebrate this day in our home every year. DH proposed to me on this date 14 years (young college junior punks that we were). Indeed, St. Valentine is the patron saint of young people, engaged couples and happy marriages but did you also know that he's also the patron of bee keepers, travelers and victims of fainting and epilepsy?

I'm all about date nights and flowers...
I love sending and receiving valentines...
I love making them with my kids...
...and I get all misty-eyed remembering this moment when my beloved got down on one knee and before the statue of St. Therese asked me to be his wife and the mother to his children.

I love celebrating this feast for what it is!

I just feel it's important as Catholics that we be careful not to get sucked into the secular commercialism that surrounds this and other Catholic saints, feasts and observances (like say, Christmas, Easter, St. Patrick's Day, Halloween or Mardi Gras, etc.) Take time to get to know the great men and women that went before us in the walk of faith and do their lives/martyrdoms justice by telling your children (or adults!) their story. Continue St. Valentine's legacy of charity and beg his intercession in our marriages and families. Not just today but long after the chocolate candy goes on clearance.

I say we Catholics need to reclaim these feasts!

And while we're at it, can we please take back the rainbow too?