COVID-19

So I haven't blogged for about 5 years now. I thought this would be a good time to start again since it seems like the world is ending. The last 2 weeks have been a non-stop roll of bad news. 

Nothing like a world wide pandemic to get a person started blogging again huh? Coronavirus hit the Untied States hard several weeks ago, starting with a crew ship and has continued to spread like wild fire throughout the US. We currently have 602 cases in Utah. There are only 20ish cases in Utah County which is good news for us, but it still makes me feel nervous.  Our Governor has issued a "Stay Safe, Stay Home" order for the state of Utah. Our schools are closed, all Temples world wide are closed and Missionaries from all over the world have finished their missions early and have been sent home. There is a shortage of toilet paper, hand sanitizer and even worse....medical supplies for so many hospitals through out the world. It is getting serious and scary. 

Our amazing Prophet, President Russel M. Nelson no doubt saw this coming because he has been giving us amazing instruction and hope over the last couple of years. He has been preparing us for this very experience by asking us to be prepared spiritually, to have gospel centered home learning, reach out to those around us and minister and most importantly not to FEAR.  He has asked us to find ways to #HearHim and while it is hard to do right now with social distancing going on....it actually isn't really that hard because of technology. There are so many ways to reach out to people right now via technology. I trust and believe in our Prophet. I am so grateful to have a living Prophet on the earth that I can still see and listen to whenever I want. 

Our small family has felt deeply blessed during this time. Usually our purse strings are pretty tight but we have been watched over and have what we need for this experience. My kids are feeling some stress but are actually loving being at home where they don't have to worry about their peers. They love online school and are such obedient children I hardly have to do anything to motivate them. Joseph just finished driver's ed and will hopefully be able to get his license when this is over. There have been disappointments with school being moved online of course. Joseph's choir tour was canceled and Olivia's play, Cinderella was also cancelled. And of course, all visits and hangouts with friends are cancelled. 

It has been hard to wrap my brain around all of this. I feel off kilter and am having trouble getting used to not touching people. It's so weird because I don't think of myself as a touchy person, but I am still working at the elementary school and I have to keep being reminded by the lunchroom staff not to touch other people. I didn't realize I did until this all happened. I am so used to the kids hugging me or tapping my arm and now they just drive through the breakfast and lunch line and I get to see them through the car window. I miss the kids deeply. I miss being able to run over to the neighbors house to visit. I will miss not being able to go to Oklahoma for my niece's baptism next week, especially after I finally got brave enough and booked a flight. There is so much to this world wide catastrophe that I'm not even mentioning. It is too overwhelming. 2020 already had a rocky start and when March hit...the crap hit the fan. I have just never liked the month of March anyway. It's so LONG. This has been the longest March I've ever experienced. 

For now I'm going to try to simplify our life. I'm going to try to get closer to God. I'm going to let things go that don't matter. I'm going to listen to our Prophet and local leaders. I'm going to find joy in the small things. I know we are going to get through this because God is on our side. 

The Best Christmas, 1990

I was a freshman at Rick's College and deeply homesick that December of 1990. I had spent Thanksgiving with the Wheatlys and the Chipmans in Utah which was wonderful, but added to my homesickness. I had limited money and had no idea how I was going to get home for Christmas, but I had faith my parents would help me figure it out. 

Luckily my roommate, Debbie Palmer, who was from my stake had her parents coming to pick her up in Rexburg and I was able to ride home with them. They really had to squeeze me into their car that was already packed.  I remember her Dad getting angry when I packed my small bag in the trunk. It was a very long and tense ride home for me, but the closer we got the more excited I felt to

see the loving faces of my family. It had felt like years and years since I had seen my brother and sisters and I was excited to see the changes in them, even though I had only been gone for 4 months.

It was such a wonderful feeling to step into my own home and feel the love and acceptance there. My mom told me that we wouldn't really be getting much for Christmas but I didn't even care. I was just so happy to be with my family and felt like that was the best present I could ever get. 

Because I had been living away for the first time ever, coming home to my wonderful family felt magical. There was a special spirit in our home that Christmas. We had many generous gifts given to our family during that time and I remember being amazed at the generosity of so many people.

What stood out to me the most was the generosity of my sister Erin. She had always been so generous anyway, but what she did for us this year was so wonderful and left a lasting impression on me. Erin had been working as the Crawford's weekend nanny and had been saving her

money for awhile. I can just picture the delight in her mind when she decided that she would give her hard earned money to my parents anonymously for Christmas. While we (the kids) knew about this amazing gift, I didn't realize until Christmas day, when my Dad opened a letter that had

been placed on the tree, just how special this gift really was. It was an emotional and wonderful moment that beautiful Christmas Day with my family.

As I have thought about that Christmas in 1990 I don't remember any of the physical presents I got. I have searched my journals to see if I had written anything down, because I usually did write what about what I received. I did write about it, but my journal entry was very brief and I didn't name the gifts I received this time. What I did say was that we had been blessed beyond measure as a family and that my amazing sister Erin provided not only the monetary needs for Christmas, but she 

provided that beautiful spirit of Christmas that can be so hard to find. It was the best Christmas I've ever had and one I will never forget. 

She's Just Around The Corner

Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away to the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other,
That, we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way
which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me. Pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effect.
Without the trace of a shadow on it.

Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same that it ever was.
There is absolute unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?

I am but waiting for you.
For an interval.
Somewhere. Very near.
Just around the corner.

All is well.

~Henry Scott Holland

 

 

 

Have Courage & Be Kind

Recently, my mom took the kids and I to see the new Cinderella movie. My mom thought it would be fun to get all dressed up to go, and so Olivia also dressed up. They both looked so wonderful and dressing up helped make the movie even more magical.

It really is such a charming movie. It is so positive and although at times bad and sad things happen, the overwhelming theme is goodness. I have thought about it's message a lot, especially over the last several weeks.

The last year has been difficult for us. We have gone through some of the biggest challenges we have ever faced as a family and I must admit my faith has been deeply tested. While things always seem to work out with each new situation we face, my faith in people has greatly diminished. I keep wondering, what has happened to kindness? What has happened to people caring about each other?

I know that we get so caught up in our own lives that it is hard to see those around us, but we need each other. We need just a small moment or act of kindness from someone each day. When someone is ill we can rally around them and support them through it. When a job is lost we can offer comfort and support.  When a friend has conflict or a concern that needs talking through we can offer a listening ear, without judgement. All of these things I have really struggled through recently, but instead of feeling buoyed up by people around me, I have felt like I am a bad person for being weak. For having everyday struggles, illness and human frailty.  I have felt judged and misunderstood. I have felt so deeply alone. 

I read a great article in The Ensign recently called It Isn't A Sin To Be Weak. 

I love this sentence: "It is crucial to understand that while sin inevitably leads us away from God, weakness, ironically, can lead us toward Him."
All of these things my family is experiencing can lead me/us toward him. I just find it so sad that along the way I have felt so alone in the journey. Kindness has been discarded and forgotten.


I am trying to find my way to Heavenly Father. I want to be with him. In order for me to get there I need to be here on the earth serving and loving those around me. I want to have courage and be kind. I hope that these experiences will lead me to look at others deeply. To help them through the hard times and through what we all experience, human weakness.

STOP GROWING RIGHT NOW

Jenks Family 2014 (Olivia cracks me up in this picture.)

How did my kids go from this:

To this?

I miss my sweet little babies. I love them at this age too, but they were little for such a short period of time. I hope I loved and squeezed and played with them enough. I hope I taught them what they need to know as they get older. I hope that they will know that no matter what, I love them. Motherhood is so hard, but it is such a wonderful privilege to have these children. I am so blessed to be a mother.

Horse Girl

 Olivia has been riding horses since she was 5 years old. Her lessons have been irregular lately, but it is pretty amazing to watch her on a horse. She has even been thrown off and ended up in the emergency with a concussion, but got right back on the horse and has never looked back! I am so proud of her!

I love Olivia's teacher, Cassie. She is such a sweet and patient teacher.

Riding side saddle.

Painting

I really love to paint. I love to change a room and make it my own. Here are some projects in our house I have been working on. I still have a long way to go, but I am finally making progress!