upd8

i won't go on the record and say that the frequency of my blog posts is a point of shame for me but i will say off the record that it is. here's an update on the bosts: we're happy in charlottesville. william is back in school and loving his biochemistry and middle eastern politics classes. he's sporting some new khakis and can be seen riding his newly repaired bike up and down the hills of c-ville, including to UVA hospital where he's been working as a scribe for the past few months and bringing home sad/crazy stories. his scrubs are comically huge on him. tonight he's there til midnight! he's working hard and he's cute and he don't care who knows it. i am working tentatively (this is my MO) as a secretary/office manager for an investment firm over in the swanky boar's head offices west of town. my days consist of delivering wall st. journals to the guys, brewing their coffee and setting out their plate of fresh fruit et crudites. then i send emails and make copies and surf the net all day and all night. don't bother telling me about your cool site because i've already seen it along with every other website. so there's a lot of down time and it's the sweet life over in suite 100. i'm also getting free lunch every day from the restaurant of my choice so i bring home goodies a lot and in lieu of the real thing we love and nurture our perpetual food babies. it's uncommon for poor newlyweds so we feel pretty lucky. and we're saving on groceries HEY-O!!!!! in other news, we go to richmond to see our families a lot and it's always fun. william's mom ginny bought me "the book of mormon girl" by j. brooks for my birthday (24 on wednesday can you beleeb it!) and i'm going to go read it now. AFTER i add these pix of recent goings-on because this blog is FUN dammit!: 1. this guy was just hanging out in our backyard one day. nbd.

2. emma, sweet dog of joe/ginny. our common interests include blank stares, cats, and going on nature walks.

3. birds galore on our river walk in richmond!

4. four generations!!!!

5. wm and I out for a sat morning stroll near monticello - the crib of cribs

6. poses near a GIANT tree stump. wm doing his signature freaky deak move.

7. decorative knobs for our new bookshelf!!!

8. basking in the glory of william's hard work in the garden

9. beautiful day at the DC temple!

10. we later went into town and encountered the GAY PRIDE PARADE!!! here we are looking gay (happy!) and showing some love

11. this cop was losing it

12. so many characters!

i realize this series could have been 12 posts but in the words of sweet brown (my new nickname): ain't nobody got time fo dat! also, cold pop. xoxoxoxo

new jorb!

things are happening! today was my first day workin' a new job! it's only for the summer BUT you are now reading the original thoughts of the new office manager/admin assistant/research assistant for an investment firm here in c-ville. it is only for the summer because i'm covering a maternity leave for someone, but for now it is great news. and a great blessing. in other great news, i have great friends and family who build me up. they are all lovely and wonderful. they talk me through things and they are ever-present. as my dad would say hypothetically - "i'm rich in everything but money." more news (awesome): william and i celebrated my first day of work by getting our dinner at bodo's bagels. we enjoyed our bagel sandwiches on a bench at booker t. washington park, where we watched the beginning of a sunset and the jovial play of a clean and not stinky dog! (golden retriever) things were getting zen. it felt great. (this was a sunset from a night we spent on our honeymoon in beautiful mal pais, costa rica.)

it's been a pretty good day, and i'm on my period so this is when it really counts. did i mention that i get FREE lunch AND snacks EVERY day with my new gig?! freelunchandsnacks.

a slight blow

so, in the past few months i have managed to wrangle not one, but TWO new jobs and to maintain employment at not two, but ONE of them :( yes, i was fired. i had never been fired before because of my personal performance, only laid off or left willingly, so this was a real blow to the old ego. although the longer i ruminate on it the more i make peace with it, or at least that's what i'm telling myself. their parting words to me were that i have a great personality and a great work ethic but my attention to detail was not what the job required. and good luck to me.

fair enough.

the good part about being fired is that it provides the perfect moment for an old-fashioned, no holds barred life evaluation. i definitely had to come to terms with certain insecurities and the fact that maybe i didn't do my best and i should take more pride in my work or whatever i do, even if it's not particularly interesting. it's still work that has my name on it and i want to be proud of what i'm doing everyday. also, i am coming to see it as a second chance to find work that is better suited for me and that i would enjoy more. and realizing that i'm not a failure, i'm just not awesome at everything. and when i do fail, it doesn't mean that i'm incompetent. it means i am an imperfect person. and that is ok and that is normal.

and here is where i pull the old LDS blog trick on you and give some scriptural insight about all this.

we've all heard the scripture in matthew 5:48: "be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect." i read this once and followed the footnote reference to where it explains that "perfect" should be interpreted to mean: complete, finished, fully developed. this was really comforting to me and reminded me that perfection will take a lifetime and probably some afterlife to achieve. i is still kind AND smart AND important.

secondly, of all the people to receive life's hardest blows, wouldn't Job be the poster child? after he loses his wealth, health, home, family and friends he still has the faith to say in Job 13:15 - "Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him." that is pretty profound. i only lost an ok job, so i'm good.

lastly, i've been thinking a lot about how moses and probably joseph smith and a lot of other prophets questioned their callings from the Lord and said like moses did, "i am not eloquent but I am slow of speech." i feel like this a lot but i know that with the Savior's help i am capable of great things.

that is all. and sorry for the novel. but before i go,

in other news, i starting volunteering with charlottesville's SARA (sexual assault resource agency) to work on their hotline. we are still in training mode so i go to meetings for that twice a week. i pass my old work building on the way and i have been giving it the middle finger as i drive by but i am slowly growing out of that.

in other great news, william and i celebrated easter and his grandma lucy's 80th birthday party this past weekend in wadesboro, NC. it was super fun and great to be around our family. pictures forthcoming.

married

well it's still hard to believe, but i'm a wife and i'm married to a great, cute guy. we are learning about the give and take and we're having a good time doing it too. william is back in school learning about all things bio, and i am on the lookout for a bangin' new job. so...it's back to that for now but i thought i would chime in since last year i posted ONE TIME. after a year off the radar for the most part, it's time to get back in the saddle.

here are some of my goals for 2012:

> build some muscle
> read the mark twain canon
> write more
> know the issues for indecision 2012
> learn to knit
> be more calm and confident/stop ruminating!
etc etc etc

fyi

this blog has a lot of gaping holes in it. i realize that.

marriage

i’m getting married in about 6 weeks. it is one part terrifying, three parts exciting, and a pinch of adult-onset acne for good measure.

…..it’s a lot of things actually.

this came quickly...

today was my last day of college.
.....

pwwwwwwwww! (me blowing my bangs up)

my last post was on september 24 so this blog is obviously not a great representation of what's happening in my life. and so many fun things happened this semester! and in the last 4 years!...
weird.

go cougs!!?
i guess sign me up for my alumni email and that's that. i feel pretty equally excited and anxious about the future and weird/sad about my departure.
i will miss my life here. it's been FUN! i love(d) it.
...........

pwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwhh

think of it

what if i went here....



to see this...



and get this tattoo....



with this guy....




.....wouldn't THAT be a wonderful thing?

bck2skuul

well hell's bells. it's almost that time of year again. school starts on monday and i couldn't be more delighted/anxious. at the end of every summer there's a moment when i realize that everything i planned to accomplish during the summer has only been halfway or not at all completed, and then i get sad. BUT! there are a lot of reasons to get excited for fall semester:
1. it's my last semester at BYU (not freaking out....YET)/i will be a college grad
2. elder bost returns at thanksgiving
3. madeline and kev will be my new colleagues at work - surprise reason! yay!
4. i want to learn!
5. school is easier than the real world?
6. i'm talking about leaves: red, orange, gold
7. i'm hoping to cross some things off my bucket list: stand-up routine, guest jam with up-and-coming glam rock band, and MORE
8. i will still have friends and not be looking for data entry jobs in ol' rva... YET
9. my low-key birthday party

.........

9 solid reasons to be excited are enough for this girl. but until then there are still SUMMERTHINGS to be excited about!!!:
1. 2nite is She & Him in salt lake for free. well, for zero dollars.
2. i do nothing but what i WANT to do when i get off work today at noon.
3. i can still blog at work for now without feeling too guilty
4. i love summer

let's make this weekend great, everybody!

did you think about that?

oh lauryn. i think we're soul sisters. and i miss you. god bless.

cradle of filth

nothing in the world is so disgusting to me as porn. it is EVERYWHERE and it's making me feel weird because i don't even think about it when i see it anymore (in ads, on tv, etc). it ruins lives. i want to be part of its DESTRUCTION! i HATE it! GAHHHAKLS;DKJFAL
i was just feeling terrible because i just watched this short film called "Sexy, Inc" about hypersexualization in media everywhere and how it is causing little kids to be pushed not only into adulthood, but into freaky-deak adulthood wayyyy too fast. it was so gross watching these 10 year old kids sing along to Akon's "smack that" and watching commercials for Bratz Babyz dolls which are exactly as gross as they sound - infant dolls wearing panties and belly shirts, heavily made-up in mascara and lip gloss, while talking on their baby cell phones - IN THEIR CARSEATS. "uh yeah... hello? yeah no i'm still a BABY"

what!i just want to know why the world is so awful. and not that i'm going to have kids anytime soon but this makes me never want to. or at least pull a Lehi and move everyone into the wilderness so they don't have to be part of that. but you can't do that! or they will get weird and you will too.

i want to reverse the obsession this planet has with sex! the movement needs a leader! anyone? oprah?

ME?

maybe me.

devo time

in the spirit of using my mind creatively and efficiently this summer/and in paying more attention to what i think about all day long, here are some good scriptures:

1. D&C 88: 124
   124 Cease to be ^aidle; cease to be ^bunclean; cease to ^cfind fault one with another; cease to ^dsleep longer than is needful; retire to thy bed early, that ye may not be weary; arise early, that your bodies and your minds may be ^einvigorated.
2. D&C 43: 34
   34 Hearken ye to these words. Behold, I am Jesus Christ, the ^aSavior of the world. ^bTreasure these things up in your hearts, and let the ^csolemnities of ^deternity ^erest upon your ^fminds.
3. Matt. 22: 37
   37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt ^alove the Lord thy God with all thy ^bheart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy ^cmind.
4. 1 Chr. 28: 9
   9 ¶ And thou, Solomon my son, know thou the God of thy father, and serve him with a ^aperfect heart and with a willing mind: for the Lord ^bsearcheth all hearts, and ^cunderstandeth all the imaginations of the thoughts: if thou ^dseek him, he will be found of thee; but if thou forsake him, he will cast thee off for ever.

some things to think about/apply:

- how do i love God with all my mind?
- how can i keep an eternal perspective every day?
- what things can i do to invigorate my mind?

also, i've been getting e-newsletters from the White House....and i think i'm going to send a BOM to President Barack Obama. has anybody thought about that? probably?! what are we waiting for?!!

2ndly, i'm so excited for my first 4th of july in provo, the heart of america. summer has been real good so far.

U-S-A! U-S-A!

develop a negative into a positive picture

some questions i have been asking myself just now, in order:

1. Why don't I write more? I have a blog...I say I like writing...
   
2. What if I am not a passionate person?
3. What does that even mean? I like things!
4. Why do I want to be that? Or care if other people think I'm passionate?
5. Who am I?

awful. i'm going to read.

blerg!

the title of my last post is reminding me of my poetry class this past winter when we got our first assignment - to write an original poem following specific guidelines - and i thought mine was so great but my teacher tore it apart (rightly) and picked out all the weird metaphors that made no sense and had a billion and one cliches. for someone that purports to love words and language, i use cliches sooooo much. not just in writing but in my everyday speech. i think it's because if i find a ready-made phrase that i think is funny, it becomes easy to pull from my brain at any moment, and it usually works to make me smile pretty easily. here are some examples of how i am stuck in word ruts: and not all of these are necessarily ready-made phrases to everyone, but even still:
i'll say things like: "nutso", "freaky friday", "bummerwolf", "goodnight nurse", "oh, hell", "poop" as an exclamation, "whatthup" and "yeth" - always with the lisp. and i put R's into words a lot, for example: my roommate Whitney becomes Whiterney, hello > herro, etc....

in retrospect, it's funny that i thought some of those were cliches. also funny that those are the words i realize i say most often after claiming to love language. BUT STILL - i overuse words. i should be more creative.
it's weird how the sayings/vocab we use everyday comes together. my past and future roommate madeline was ALWAYS quoting movies. we would laugh all the time at borrowed/ appropriated phrases - "farging bastiches!" - "speak engrish!" - "go away, read some books".

living in close quarters with people almost makes you the same person because you develop inside jokes, or you just listen to them and pick up on their idiosyncracies and adopt them. it's fun! and creepy.
i am at work and my friend jacob just came by and i told him what i was writing about and he said one of the exclamations he always uses is: "H. Peterson!"

???!!!

soaring on to new horizons

the rate that i update this blog is making it seem like i have a boring life. but i submit that it is only sometimes boring for me, but mostly busy and pleasant. and i really do feel a lot of urgency to be doing great and worthwhile things - specifically becoming the person i always wanted to be - because it seems like my life is hurdling toward a climax in the form of me being done with college (in august or december?) and getting a job and moving away from provo and dating william again and so on and so forth. who knows how any of it will work out but i will say that i am more excited than worried, which is unusual since i am normally queen of worry city, usa. i feel real optimistic and very grateful.



and now i want to be done, but even this post was boring! only god can judge me!
some nice/funny things that happened today at least:
- darci drove me and chelsey, whitney, jasie, whitney, and ma'ila home from church today. chelsey and i sat in the very back and made faces out the window.
- still feeling kind of sick/congested but sang with choir "lead kindly light" to much rejoicing
- watched "mansfield park" with whiterney and ma'ila. i loved it.
- tea time at 9 we saw: tb, garrett porter, greg c, katy, ma'ila's brother jon and wife corinna. a good crowd and a good time.

GOOD NIGHT

best of 2009

- road trip to san fran and seeing maderin
- women's studies 222
- 1st summer in p'twon -iron and wine, gelato, long bike ride, mt timp, reading, my own room
- grandma's 90th bday bash
- eng 373
- wilderness writing and my first stitches
- stained glass
- poly dance
- reading poetry with roomies. a little billy collins before bed.
- one year mark
- floating provo river on my birthday
- more that i forget now

a good year.

feeling blah

blah blah blah

it's almost christmas

really, it's beginning to look like it. everywhere. winter is upon us, like on top of us, and kind of suddenly actually, and i feel like this semester has flown and pretty soon i'll be entering what should have been my last semester at college if i were more on top of things. it's wild!
things have been kind of weird/stressful lately but i'm starting to normal out again. it's a relief that classes are over but i'll miss them and i'm not ready to start anew at all. i kind of love exam week though. even though it's nuts. it's worth it for that free feeling at the end of it all when you crash from exhaustion in the airport on the way home to all things comfortable. I'M SO LOOKING FORWARD TO IT! this girl needs to be home for a lil bit.
and today was good for me. here's what i did:
- alarm rang at 7:15ish. lately i have been putting it across the room, and i get out of bed, get it, and climb back into bed with it without really realizing the consequences. i've hit that new low. so i wake up at 8:40ish and i was supposed to meet bb and alicia for breakfast bagels at 9. so i brushed my teeth and put pants on and walked over there in the fresh new powder. everything was so bright white. it was beautiful.
- dutch apple bagel with schmear and OJ
- walked home with bb
-tried to study for a little bit. got into a groove with my chem homeworks just before i had to go to work. TB was at our house and he gave me a ride to provs libary
- work 2-6. merlinda picked me up and we went to my ward christmas social for FREE PIZZA!!! it was delish. and we had baclava! crazy party.
- then we did a brief jaunt at provo town centre looking for christmas presents. i couldn't focus. i would have rather gone to savers truthfully but it was a fine time either way.
-then home. made some vegan brownies real quick before me and carol ann and maila got all dressed up for a mocktails party. i felt good about it. i know a lot of good people right now, with a lot of potential for being better friends. it's been good for me.
- now home. THUPER tired. on the blarg.
tomorrow is the christmas program so the choir will finally see some action! i have a little trio number to practice for tomorrow morning so i should sleep soon. i am pooped. and i have a ton to do and i'm nervous about exams but hopefully all will pan out well.
what a day/night/life. trying my best to chill. my brain says no but my body says no too! just two more weeks...
i'll be okay.

ic

watched this movie last night , "megane" at international cinema last night with friends rachel, becca, joe. it was beautiful but kind of boring. just sayin. made me want to sit on the beach with a big bowl of shaved ice. yeahhhh.

inventory oct 13

bad thing:
1) i read and studied all day long about androgens and antigens and males and females and who's more altruistic but maybe not and then i still epically failed this test for my psychology of gender class. i felt so confident! and then i was so wrong! i did so badly that i was not just disappointed i was shocked and i'm hoping there was some sort of mistake and i'm going to ask my professor. that's how bad.

good things:
1) my roommate breanna left me a can of soda on my bed that i found when i got home that said thank you for being a great roommate. it was raspberry lemonade.
2) my roommate whitney made me banana pecan pancakes for dinner. they were waiting on the counter when i got home.
3) i got 2 letters from william today, one with 3 letters in it that were old, that kept getting sent back to him, AND 1 picture of him and toelupe
4) i checked out some books of poetry tonight: dickinson, graham, william carlos williams, saul williams.

and now i'll read wordsworth, the old testament, and lay me down to sleep. what a day.

oh yeah

did i mention that i met iron and wine? in late august, i got off work and went up to salt lake for their summer concert series. it was so so crowded and there were a billion too many people there because it was free, BUT he was wonderful, and the best part was not even the show although the show was really magical, it was before the show when carol ann, i, and two gentlemen were walking up to the show after parking, and i spotted him across the street and said "you guys, i'm sure that's him". he was having a quick smoke outside of a bar across the street. and the two unnamed gentlemen didn't believe it so they continued on (to some quikmart?) while carol ann and I crossed the street and had the nicest talk with sam beam. i was really nervous. i was SO nervous. this is pretty much how the conversation went, if memory serves:

ca: hi. (shakes hands) i'm carol ann.
me: hi, my name's lauren. (i pointed to my chest instead of shaking hands. IDIOT)
sb: hi, it's very nice to meet you both.
... something something, it came up that i'm from virginia....
me: oh yeah, and i uhh....i was researching you....uhh before i came and i read that you used to go to VCU.
sb: yeah, i did. i lived in oregon hill.
me: when were you there?
sb: umm...'92 to '96 i believe.
me: oh. yeah...i was tiny baby then.
....and it ended with well wishes and we said we were excited about the show and we left.

i was sad that we didn't take a picture with him but carol ann was proud of us for not being annoying. which speaks to how much cooler carol ann is than i am, because i just wanted proof for my progeny that it actually happened. this blarg will have to do. anyway, it was a cool night, and definitely a highlight of the summer. i miss you already, summer.

watch this when you're really longing for the good ol' dog days.

today

today i ran a mile without stopping or hating it. it was great!
i rode bikes with my friend lori. we peeked in at the goodies in provo bakery.
i washed a blanket loaned to me so many months from daniel-san.
i worked from 12-6. i felt very tired. i got some relationship advice from rachel/rivka. i felt enlightened.
i ate some grits with honey.
i worked on some chemistry homework.
i prepped my RS lesson for tomorrow.
i am about to get ready for bed.

today i felt : happy, proud of myself, energized, loved, hungry, very tired, introspective, bored, ugly and pretty!, grateful, lonely, blessed, ...tired again. i need to sleep. sorry this blog is SOOOO BORINGGGG

i climbed to the almost top of this

this is mount timpanogos. i went on a whim with my roommate carol ann and friends. we started at the base at midnight and got to the top at a quarter to 6 am, about? when i say top i mean some people went all the way up, but i reached a point (at the almost top i would add) when i did not feel bad about not continuing any further. so i sat, enjoyed the view, got a short cry in, and then it was freezing. luckily two nice men came and asked if i would like to continue to walk slowly between them, for my own safety. they were nice and i met up with the group again and started back down happily. i stopped talking after about 3 hours so as not to say anything irritable/hateful to anyone. The hike took 9 hours. needless to say, MY BODY HURT.

i am still recovering as i ate a popsicle and some chips for dinner beforehand and i barely exercise. it was beautiful though and i'm glad i can say i did it now.

other things are good. just sent a package to william including tape/pix/werther's. felt good about it.

also yesterday was a beautiful, peaceful sunday. ate some delicious ratatouille. laughed. held baby mosaea.

boop boop booooo

it is a comfortable BILLION degrees right now because the swamp cooler did me a favor and set up camp in the farthest away room from where i sleep. i am making do. and when i say that i mean sleeping nekkid tonight.

work is alright. yesterday-pioneer day-we caught up a lot without any bothersome patrons in the way and even got free pizza and donuts! and water. because we're HEALTHY OKAY. also for a vegetarian i accidentally eat meat a lot. and sometimes on purpose if i'm real hungrylazy. but this time yesterday on the pizza was an accident. i do want to bebetter about that. i might be well on my way to feeding a vegan for the rest of mylife? what then? so i got a recipe book out tonight when i left. i'm starting with cupcakes and working my way down.

speaking of being veg4lyfe reminds me of when i was at home recently and my mom, out of the goodness of heart, made a special vegetarian lasagna for me so i could feel full like the others. and she was careful to show everyone my pan and "don't eat that one" "this one's got the meat in there". so i preeshiated that. UNTIL I CUT INTO MINE AND IT WAS FULL OF BEEF. and then she had some 'splainin to do. and then "i had to use up the rest of my meat sauce!"and it was all for naught. BUT i forgive her and venerate her effort. she did have sweet intentions. and she did give birth to me in conjunction with a complimentary steak dinner deal at the hospital. so it was prob in the stars for me anyway.

outsideofthat, the space bar sticks. and also feelingwell but kind of weird lately. roommates are gone visiting whiterney bush and i am here working. went to a real salt lake soccer game with melinda and rando boys last night. it was fun. they shot off fireworks after and it was beautiful.
me and meagan are singing in church tomorrow too so i'm real nervous but hope i sound ok.

so tired. need sleep but so hot and so much on the brain.

also it has been a hot minute since i wrote on here.

things on the brain since may:
- family. i have a great family. need them around.
- worried about meagan lindsey lincoln mom dad maribeth grandma melinda william maderin me
-how many months out now? what i have been doing?
-work work work. money inthe bank
-read a book already.done!
-i still want to go to france
-open yourmind! strategize! create! be,man, be!

i read 2 books recently actually: The Color Purple and The Diaries of Adam and Eve:

"wheresoever she was, there was eden"

"But one day when I was sitting quiet and feeling like a motherless child, which i was, it come to me: that feeling of being part of everything, not separate at all. i knew that if i cut a tree, my arm would bleed. and i laughed and cried and i run all around the house...when it happen, you can't miss it."

"...praise God by liking what you like"

good grief. must sleep. goodnight.

dream

last night i had a dream that i was eating at a low-lit restaurant (that just recently had been a grocery store?) and a couple came up to me with papers in hand asking if i was myself. they had a story i had written with characters: Juan Rodriguez, and a woman (can't recall the name) and were trying to find me because the story i wrote exactly described their real lives!

weird.

also, i woke up at a brisk 10:45. really need to get on top of that.

lyfe

pros of late:
- i'm really enjoying all my classes: intro to women's studies, poly dance, and stained glass.
- i like my job. even if it's boring sometimes. i see all the latest books! i'm always in the know!
- i am teaching relief society tomorrow. i'm branching.
- i have my own room for the first and maybe only time in my life. it feels great. i have my own space. i can throw my clothes wherever. i can toot around. it's the best.

cons of late:
- hurt a heart while being dumb.
- still with the zits.
- watched 'music and lyrics' last night.
- i have had 'frozen river' out from my netflix forever now. no one wants to watch it with me! i'm going to cancel it.

other than that, things are good. i'm in the library working because my laptop is dead. i just saw a girl i met freshman year because she had a uva hat on. i had asked her about it, she was dating a boy at uva, and i was too! it was wild. now, wilder, she's married to not that guy, i'm hanging out, and one boy who might not have been in LA, is. life is weird. but also great.

i'm excited to be a bridesmaid for rach.

i'm excited to go home!

90! grandma!

sermon on love*

"Let me tell you about love, that silly word you believe is about whether you like somebody or whether somebody likes you or whether you can put up with somebody in order to get something or someplace you want or you believe it has to do with how your body responds to another body like robins or bison or maybe you believe love is how forces or nature or luck is benign to you in particular not maiming or killing you but if so doing it for your own good.
"Love is none of that. There is nothing in nature like it. Not in robins or bison or in the banging tails of your hunting dogs and not in blossoms or suckling foal. Love is divine only and difficult always. If you think it is easy you are a fool. If you think it is natural you are blind. It is a learned application without reason or motive except that it is God.
"You do not deserve love regardless of the suffering you have endured. You do not deserve love because somebody did you wrong. You do not deserve love just because you want it. You can only earn - by practice and careful contemplation - the right to express it and you have to learn how to accept it. Which is to say you have to earn God. You have to practice God. You have to think God - carefully. And if you are a good and diligent student you may secure the right to show love. Love is not a gift. It is a diploma. A diploma conferring certain privileges: the privilege of expressing love and the privilege of receiving it.
"How do you know you have graduated? You don't. What you do know is that you are human and therefore educable, and therefore capable of learning how to learn, and therefore interesting to God, who is interested only in Himself which is to say He is interested only in love. Do you understand me? God is not interested in you. He is interested in love and the bliss it brings to those who understand and share that interest.
Couples that enter the sacrament of marriage and are not prepared to go the distance or are not willing to get right with the real love of God cannot thrive. They may cleave together like robins or gulls or anything else that mates for life. But if they eschew this mighty course, at the moment when all are judged for the disposition of their eternal lives, their cleaving won't mean a thing. God bless the pure and holy. Amen. "

**** not doctrine, not from Conference; an interesting excerpt from Paradise by Toni Morrison

update

time for my now monthly blog update, as i was just reminded that it exists again. it kind of baffles me that i can't keep pace with the rest of the internet-savvy universe even though i am on the computer every day. usually 3 or 4 times over. is it possible to check your gmails for an HOUR? i like to think that i'm reading up on important current events or staying on task with my homework, but in reality when i get on the NY Times website every day i usually end up reading just the headlines and then most of the style section. i really need to get informed. i'm so out of it, and a sorry excuse for an american! to say the least.

in the meantime i ended up watching this like 3 times today and laughed so hard! http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi2960720665/
maybe it's me or just today, i don't know. but except for the dirty parts - kind of funny.

in my real life not my fake virtual life, things have been not too bad. here's a gist of some recent occurences:

- it's the last full week of school! i am stressed but at the same time keeping ignorant of all i have to do. it's better this way? the weather has been so nice though.

- i had been sick the past few days with a sore throat and mucho phlegmo but i'm doing better now and it's calmed down to my favorite stage of sexy-raspy voice! i've gotten some "eww"s and some say it's too different from my regular voice, but whenever this happens i always want to make it last longer. maybe it's the cuteness, maybe it's the added mystery but for some reason it feels nice to feel like someone else for a while. someone sexier than me. haters can hate.

- yesterday i had lunch with my good friend greg caldwell at smokehouse pizza! it was delicious and fun and they really came through as far as their reputation for poor service. we waited for super long. we speculated though that it might be a ruse to make the pizza taste better once you finally get it and if that's true, then it absolutely works. i left happy as a clam full of pizza.

not much else is on. i'm excited for school to finish and spring to start. if there are any suggestions for fitness classes i should take, they are more than welcome.

love, lauren.

shoot dude - DAY 120ish?

i am the worst blogger ever. i haven't even thought about this since january.
and so much has happened!

for example:
- we went to visit madeline and spent a day in san fran
- madeline is on the mish in NJ
- i watched some movies
- i went to that place
- new pen pals
- briana's oboe recital the other night
- rach got engaged!
- i will be there as a bride's maid!
- ripped my jeans
- i've read a TON
- stock market's crazy!
- etc etc

i hope my posterity doesn't read my journal/access my blog with too much hope for insight or inspiration. i will seem like a hare-brained nutty professor type. everything's happening so quickly and none of it makes sense together in retrospect. speaking of, what happened to february? and oh hey, what's up march.

DAY 51

i had a really nice christmas break at home in richmond, virginia. the best home i ever knowed.
now though, it's back to the grind. today marks the end of my first week back at school. i hope to make straight A's and turn all the jokes about my slacker work ethic on their backsides! so there!
here are my resolutions for 2009:
-make straight a's
-turn jokes on backsides
-stick it to the man (uncle marshall)
-read 50 books
-write
-be better

easy enough. also, i can't believe it's been 51 days since william's departure. time is really flying.
one thing i wanted to do was start learning spanish this year too, partly so i could know what william was saying if he ever sent me letters in code. here is a montage of photos that represent my prior experiences with hispanic language and culture:

pictured: The Three Amigos (top), me disgruntled at Cafe Rio (bottom)

i don't know how much more culture will even fit in me, but i am going to try.
one thing that revived this particular resolution for me, happened at work today:
i was putting away DVDs when a man next to me points to the movie "A Christmas Carol" and asks "....es..esScrooge?" to which i could only smile and say, "Uhhh yes, es.. Scrooge."


i'm excited for 2009 however fast i hope it flies. roco la fiesta!