Blind

Life just comes along
I'm tossled side to side
Today, I returned here
Pushed by nothing
Accidental
And I found your words
So glaring on the screen
How blind I have been
I knew something was wrong
How do I change
Constantly wanting to change
Where has the conversation gone
Remodeling, work and the mundane
It's like someone cut my tongue
Blind and dumb!

it's been a while

i've found a musical refuge
the jakes
quite surprisingly a great band
lyrically stimulating
rhythmically enchanting

lots has happened since
but too many and surreal to blog
summed up wisely...
life's beginning.

Life

Struggle is to put it lightly
Life is so much of everything
And when I stop fighting what happens?
It's scary
Cause I don't know if I've just given up
Or whether I've finally accepted to live

All the countless people I've met
Some have enlightened me beyond my belief
Raising me to a new level of awareness
Through simplicity of companionship or the confusion of arguments
Others have wretched my soul, squeezing out vileness that should not be there
But it is
And I try to let it pour out of me so, that I won't be hypocritical
Unfortunately, the process is slow
And those who see me now, see a hypocrite

And maybe that is why
My time has yet to come
I need to resolve things
Before my final judgement day

And this reflection shows how ungrateful I can be
I've made countless people hurt
When instead each breath they breathe should be my blessing

now, even before i begin, i'd like to make a note that i'm not in some state of desperation or delirium cause i'd rather not get a deluge of worried emails.

so, the question i pose is this....does mr. right exist?
this stems from a recent conversation with people in committed relationships
where they say, "i knew the moment that i met him"
hmmmm....
if that's the case, i've yet to meet my mr. right
i honestly have no idea who mr. right is
people tell me that i need to know who i'm looking for
well, honestly, i haven't the faintess idea
i mean, any decent, nice guy seems alright for the moment
then things just don't seem to work out
so, i guess i'm getting to the point in my life where meeting nice people just isn't enough
i'd like to meet mr. right
mr. right? hmmm.
all i know is that mr. right will make all the sappy love songs that pb detests make sense
that mr. right will make loving him for the most part so easy
that farting, burping, picking your nose is all but a normal event when we're together
i've been sooo blessed by God that it seems to me that it's a shame that i have no one to share it with
and when i mean no one i mean someone beyond my immediate family
i know some can live without that mr. right
but i feel a void
and although i "think" i'm complete,
emotionally and spiritually i'm lacking
i'm looking for a mr. right in some sense that helps me along my journey with my Saviour
but i think i'm looking in all the wrong places
mr. right? hmmmm, do you really exist?


men, are in general a huge conundrum.
they say they're simple but i can't figure them out

faith

i'm just blown away by your faith
in this trying time
i can't even fathom

i could swear i heard the 'pop'
of the bubble bursting
the bubble in which i've been living
the bubble of self-absorbing concerns

here i was spending all this time
so self-absorbed
and all the while
the 3 of you are going through all this
and yet, you don't ask why you

thank you so much for reminding me
that i have to get off this chair
that He belongs there

I'm so grateful that God brought you and your family in my life
and my prayers are with you

life continues to repeat itself
i'm wreary of all the repetition
frustrated that i haven't conquered my shortcomings
cycled again with much more agony
because now i am aware of the dreariness

i cling to a tiny strand
remind myself that to let go is to reach out
diverge left instead of right

let this not be yet another spin
let this be the final lap
stretch out to the finish line
break the tape of repetition

God help me
let me be closer

a new experience
one i didn't expect
but the unexpected was just exactly what i needed
and now, i realize what i also wanted

i hope that it will last