Noblility In You

This is a hard entry to write. I’ve had writers block for a few weeks.

I had a unique experience of self-evaluation recently. I was at an Institute of Religion class and the class was about the attributes of Christ. I had wrapped attention until our instructor began to speak about a girl he knew. She was preparing to serve her own mission in about a year and took a challenge upon herself to study the the attributes of Christ, one attribute a month until she left. She studied each carefully, reading all she could, and wrote what she found in her journal. Essentially, her experience, retold, was exactly what I had intended for this blog. From his telling, it seemed she was more successful than I. It’d be easy to get into a trap of comparing myself and my actions with her and her’s, but it would only serve to make me feel inadequate. I chose instead to focus on what made me unique. What would my blog do for me and others that hadn’t been accomplished with her efforts? How was this experience helping me grow? Why should I keep going?

I’ve learned more about myself and my imperfections. I’ve seen how temperance, or self mastery, should be exercised in other parts of my life, but as yet it hasn’t been. This is not intended as a confessional. I’ve just seen that I don’t understand or exercise temperance as I ought to. If anything, this recognition gives me a little hope. I can see my faults, and that means I’m getting nearer to being with God. I remember the words of the Lord to Moroni:

“And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.” (Ether 12:27, emphasis added)

I know that I’m “coming unto” God, because I’m seeing my weakness. And it is humbling. But I know that weak things will be made strong through humility and faith.

I’ve thought about what it means to have weak things become strong. I’m not sure that it means that our most difficult obstacle will become our easiest passage. I think of Moroni who couldn’t write as he wanted to. I think of Moses who was inadequate as a speaker. I think of people who are physically impaired. I think of people who are mentally, emotionally, or otherwise handicapped. In none of these cases are these obstacles removed from those who have weaknesses. (“I give unto men weakness that they may be humble.”) But in coming to the Lord, with humility and faith, they are compensated. They excel in other areas of their lives. They are strengthened in the talents they already have. They grow in areas that bless lives. They do things that are miraculous to others “that the works of God may be made manifest.” (John 9:3) It’s good to keep that perspective. It’s not always easy to remember.

I hope that my small experience has done something for you. I think that writing this experience will make it easier for me to remember. I want my perspective to be ever eternal.

Before I close my words on Temperance, I want to provide one link. This is an article from the November 2009 Liahona. It is called “Being Temperate in All Things.” I hope you take the time to read it.

I’m sorry I’ve fallen behind on this project. I wanted to let you all know that I took some time to reorganize myself yesterday. I’ve cleared more than my mind as I threw out collected waste and straightened up everything from the living room to the bedroom. In the midst of this, I managed to pull out another attribute.

For the month of June, the attribute is: Temperance.

Temperance is one of the attributes that was not repeated between Preach My Gospel and Doctrine and Covenants Section 4. Temperance is synonymous with self-mastery and moderation; it is opposed to gluttony and excess. It is the principle of understanding our needs and being patient in receiving them.

Temperance is heavily on my mind lately, so it’s appropriate that it would come up now. I recently started a new job that effectively quadrupled my paycheck through the end of August. I also received a hefty refund from my tax payments. This has put me in the mind to evaluate what having that money means to me. I’ve had to plan and prioritize items of value to me. This has been challenging as I have never been a strong planner.

It’s a hard thing to balance what things I can do without, knowing that someday I’ll need the money for something else. But I’m glad it happened now. There’s no telling what the Fall Semester will bring. It’s better to be prepared than to be pining. As weak as I am, I’ll need to remember this to help me through impulsive times.

I have a friend who just recently entered the Missionary Training Center to prepare for a mission in Thailand. Her family created a blog to share her letters home. As I read her first letter, I was reminded of my own three-week experience within the MTC.

It’s a very unique experience as you have as many weeks as you’re there to prepare to be an ambassador of the Lord Jesus Christ. For 18-24 months, you’ll be “[inviting] others to come unto Christ by helping them receive the restored gospel through faith in Jesus Christ and His Atonement, repentance, baptism, receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost, and enduring to the end.” (Preach My Gospel, Chapter 1: What is My Purpose as a Missionary?) It can seem a little daunting at first. Thankfully, you have few distractions and a lot of determination. I remember hearing talks like the one she refers to, as instructors simplify what is already so simple to help prepare us more for what’s to come. (It’s easier if we know our purpose is simply to invite and help.) I remember taking so many notes in all our meetings.

We had a schedule that filled our days from waking to sleeping. We had classes hours long, with only two instructors, every day. We had a few hours in the evening for personal or group study. Our group was only six missionaries. We got very close in our three weeks together. We learned a lot and helped each other progress. Our confidence grew with the help of one another.

I remember we had to take what used to be six lessons and rewrite all of them in our own words. It was when we rewrote a lesson that we were able to finally practice teaching it. With six lessons, we wanted to be ready to teach any of them at any time once we reached our mission area in western Ontario, Canada. Our speed in preparation was commended by our instructors, but got a little to our heads. Once, we chose to ignore gym time to stay in our rooms and study more. We got chastised by our Branch President who had to teach us about balancing our activities. It’s funny to think back at just how apparent our youth was then. We made mistakes in our use of time, and occasionally in our choices of words, but we were so eager that it has blessed us very much since then. We were prepared to hear what our instructors, leaders, and guest speakers came to tell us.

One thing I remember well was council that one sister gave us to always tell our companion one new reason why we loved them every day. We were with an assigned missionary all day, every day. That can be a hard thing for more individualistic missionaries, so her council was to help us through times when we might be less than happy to learn that other people have eccentricities. I think that’s where I began to learn what love is. I plan to carry on that activity with my spouse.

Sometimes it got hard for us. I was there during Thanksgiving. We were apart from family, and our meal and activities were less than our ideal. Our dinner was a sack lunch as the cafeteria staff had the night off to spend with their own families. That meant that lunch was to be our big meal. Unfortunately, our large group meeting, with all 2000+ missionaries in training, went over by an hour. They typically arrange our schedule so that one third of the missionaries are going in to the cafeteria for the first block and each subsequent block goes in every half hour after. With the hour of buffer lost, every missionary was going in for lunch at the same time. This meant that the cafeteria lines were very long and the seating was full. We had to wait for a seat to be available, eat fast, and get out. Not how we thought a Thanksgiving meal would be.

It was a hard time. But, just as expected, someone gave us something to be grateful for. One of the missionaries in our little district of six told us of an experience he had back home in California where he had a chance to help the homeless. It was an inspiring story, and we realized just how many people would consider our Thanksgiving experience to be truly something to be grateful for. I met many people who would feel the same way during my two years in Canada. Apart from our regular teaching exercises, we occasionally did community service as well. I worked in soup kitchens all over Ontario. I’m grateful that my time in the MTC prepared me for more than just teaching.

Now I have a friend who will be leaving for his own mission in England. I’m excited for him. He will be missed, of course.

I hope you enjoyed my little mental trip to a time and place I have great memories of. I loved my time in the MTC and I’m grateful my friends are sharing that experience.

Jade, Tyler, farewell, my friends. I will pray for both of you and hope you have fun in the service your fellow beings, and also your God.

My apologies. I have not forgotten about this project. Last month was very busy with finals and marriages and new jobs. I’m sorry as well that this is not a full post. I will try to start up with a new attribute soon to keep this project going. With any luck, the next attribute will be repentance!

Also, I would like to thank my friend, Natalia, for encouraging me to update my blogs. Accountability is one of the guiding principles on this project, so I am grateful that she is providing that for me.

The month is nearly over and I haven’t said a whole lot for Brotherly Kindness. I wanted to share a video, because I think it exemplifies the principal. Many of you have probably seen this video a few times, but I know you’ll enjoy it again.

What I especially appreciate about this video is how Hugh Newman shows his love for everyone on an individual level and how things sometimes work out in ways we can’t anticipate just by being our best selves. The girl Hugh’s dreams, Victoria, is the only person he meets that doesn’t smile. He tries everything he can to see her smile and she ends up nearly draining him of his most positive energy. He walks away and quickly gets back on track helping people smile. Later he finds that one of his many chance encounters with a woman on the street results in a chain reaction that brings back the smile to Victoria’s face. It’s a beautiful story all about love and kindness. I highly recommend it.

I’ve learned a little in the last week while home teaching. I’ve learned just how much I love to be with people. I grew up in a family with five kids. I had people with me most of the time. I’m noticing now just how different I feel when I’m not around others. I sometimes ache to be with people. It makes me feel happy to be with others, even those I may not feel I want to be with. I don’t mean the smiley and giggly kind of happy. I mean I feel more complete in my interactions. I feel like I’m doing something worthwhile. My conversations–even my complaints–have more meaning.

Sure I may have lived a more digital life-style than most and I might be feeling the difference between the artificial and the real, but I’m sure someone out there who hasn’t lived quite as virtually can appreciate what I’m feeling. I have the chorus from Barbra Streisand’s “People” running through my head.

I’ve also started to read a new book: Three Cups of Tea. The author, Greg Mortenson, came to BYU campus for a devotional last fall. It was very motivational. He spoke about his experience in raising funds and building schools for the children in the Middle East. He is trying to improve education to stop terrorism. The subtitle of the book summarizes it nicely: “One Man’s Mission to Promote Peace . . . One School at a Time.”

It might seem a little different for me to make two endorsements in this post, but both are excellent. I’ll risk it.

I hope you all had a great month. I’ll let you know what I’m covering next month as soon as I cast the next lot.

Have you ever had one of the moments when you have to study a principle to give a talk about it and you have to ask yourself, “What’s the difference between charity and brotherly kindness, or might and strength, or intelligence and wisdom?” I’ve had quite a few of those. This time it’s the first of those examples.

So, what is the difference between brotherly kindness and charity and love? It’s important to note that charity and love are grouped together as synonyms. This is not by my doing; this is how they are listed in Preach My Gospel (Chapter 6: How Do I Develop Christlike Attributes?). This makes sense: “Charity is the pure love of Christ,” and, ” charity is love.” (Moroni 7:47, 2 Nephi 26: 30) So, the real question is how does kindness differ from love? This should make the question easier to manage.

Love can be defined as a feeling of affection and a strong desire for the welfare of others. Kindness can be defined as action guided by love to improve the welfare another. It is also easy for me to think of charity as being directed to the whole collective of the children of God, where brotherly kindness is directed to an individual or small group. It is a hard thing to act kindly toward everyone at once, but not as hard to have affection for all.

I also like to think of brotherly kindness as being manifest in the creation of strong friendships. This goes beyond being casual acquaintances with a handful of similar interest or a confirmation of a friend request. True friends help us grow to be our best selves whenever we’re with them. Christ taught his apostles, “Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you.” (John 15:14) By keeping the commandments we even help God to be His best self by glorifying him in the process.

In my own experience I have found just how much it means to me to have good friends. They’ve helped me to learn who I am. They’ve helped me to identify my talents and find constructive ways to share them. They’ve helped me to feel loved when I’ve felt alone. They’ve helped me to keep trying when I’ve almost felt to give up. They are a lower light to me. I am very grateful for their kindness.

That’s about all for now. I would like to encourage you to read Elder Russell M. Nelson’s talk “These … Were Our Examples” which is all about the attributes listed in D&C 4:6, including brotherly kindness. Let me know if you have any other ideas or experiences to relate about brotherly kindness or any of the attributes of Christ.

The first attribute is: Brotherly Kindness.

I just wanted to share one thing as a result of this first attribute. Elder Ronald A. Rasband spoke yesterday at the 100th CES Fireside broadcast about friendship. This is appropriate to the subject, so here is a link if you’d like to watch it.

http://www.lds.org/broadcast/ces/0,7341,538-1-61-1841,00.html

I hope you enjoy it. I’ll share my comments at another time.

It’s time to compose the list. Here they are.

Preach My Gospel: faith, hope, charity and love, virtue, knowledge, patience, humility, diligence, obedience.

D&C 4:6:  faith, virtue, knowledge, temperance, patience, brotherly kindness, godliness, charity, humility, diligence.

Combining and removing duplicates, here’s the final list:

• Faith
• Hope
• Charity and Love
• Virtue
• Knowledge
• Patience
• Humility
• Diligence
• Obedience
• Temperance
• Brotherly Kindness
• Godliness

This gives me twelve. It seems I’ll have to wait until March to begin because of delays. At least they’re up now. I’ll let you know when I’ve picked the first.

I read the words of a friend last night. He was sharing his insights about speed dating for the amusement of any who’d done it. I enjoyed his words and the comments that flowed from them. His expressiveness was and is a delight for the mind. He inspired me to make a comment and I’d like to share it with you.

My friend is a dwarf. As can be expected, he has experienced a lot of trials for reasons too obvious. In his words , “The most honest women and the rudest interlopers have always made it clear that my size was the true hang-up.”

In my reply, I tried to share my insight, but even in re-reading I find points missing. Here is what I said, in part:

“I want you to know that your height isn’t as much of an impediment as you may think. If you were 5’10” and 215 pounds of muscle, you’d only find something else blocking your perceived plans of perpetual happiness. I’ve noticed lately–and only lately as I’m sometimes a little slow in my observations–that all my friends have a hang-up they fall back on whenever things aren’t going as they wished.

“It must be in our disposition to find some item of fault that handicaps our progress and explains and exposes the source of our frustration. For some it’s height (tall or small), for some is weight (wide or thin), for some it’s speech (chatty or impeded), and for some it’s intelligence (brilliant or retarded).

“In reality, we know we have faults to be humble (Ether 12:27). We do not, however, have faults to be lonely. It’s a sad thing to take our faults and use them as an excuse to be miserable.”

Unfortunately, this is my second reply. My first was lost when my foot wandered too far behind my desk and turned off my surge protector.

In the first reply I mentioned that fault finding goes both ways. In this reply it seems as though I called him a bit delusional if he thought his height was the major reason for his dating problems. I wish to acknowledge that this is true, but it’s not for the right reasons. It seems that just as quickly as we can find a source for our faults, we can pinpoint those of another, should the possibility of extended and deeper relationships arise.

We have heard it said, “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage and wide shut after marriage.” This is sound advice, but our eyes are wide to the wrong things. Character and action define a man, not physical shape, social status, or even interests. These things can be transient, but our actions show who we are and our character shows how we’ll change and who we’ll be.

I know in some respects this sounds like soap-boxing and may come across as hypocritical to those who have observed my dating habits. There are some types of girls I haven’t dated. I try my best to date eclectically, but I’m not without fault.

Maybe I’m just generalizing my feelings to a wider audience to feel more connected and less like a stand-out. Or maybe my experience is not unique and I’m looking for others to tell me so. This blog is a forum. I’m not ashamed to admit that I could be wrong. Still, I am apprehensive about making mistakes in so public and ever present a location as a website can be.

This post is not meant to be solely about dating. Rather, I would like to understand better why we feel and act the way we do when we meet and interact with people. Dating seems to amplify problems, which is why it is my example. If you have some insight that I lack, please share it. I’m hear to learn and help others as well.

Hello everyone. I appear to be behind in my initial goal, but no worries. School has been pressing on my time and energy. Work has been altering my body clock drastically. Dating has helped me relearn what emotional roller-coasters can bring. Through it all I’ve learned a lot about life, myself, and love.

Now I’m not a big advocate of self love. I like knowing who I am and being comfortable recognizing my faults along side my strengths. However, what I advocate is love for others. I live in an apartment complex near the campus of Brigham Young University in Provo, UT. It was my goal when I moved here to learn everyone’s name and try to learn something unique about each of them. I even wanted to be a good friend for them if I could. I’m doing well. I met a new girl tonight and already knew her name and her sister. The conversation was pleasant and cheerful. She’s a great girl and now she’s a new friend.

It’s this type of love that I’m learning about. I’m surrounded by great people, but I never noticed how many before. One of my favorite things to do with my friends is introduce them to other friends I’ve made. I’ve seen many spark relationships that grow fruitfully from those meetings. I’m spreading love and it’s a motivating activity.

What does this have to do with the attributes of deity that I’m honor bound to discuss? Most is directly applicable. However, I don’t want anyone to make the mistake of thinking that I’ve started my blog with love. I have yet to cast the first lot. What I did want to do is give you all a taste of who I am and what motivates me so that you may be better prepared when I get to blogging. I want you to understand because some are surprised by my sincerity. Usually, speaking to me means getting a great taste of my generally sarcastic nature. I have a much more rounded personality than that.

I think one of my good friends from an therapy group I once attended said it best for me during a semester-concluding session when he explained, “What I like about you is that when we talk about what we’re struggling with you laugh, but not to bring us down. You genuinely understand what we’re going through and you laugh because you love us.” It was a very touching comment for me to hear. The group helped me to learn a lot about myself. And as they’ve shown me, they’ve helped me to understand others even better. It’s an incredible experience and I hope to share more of it.

To that end, I will refrain from snarky remarks as often as I become aware that I’m writing them. It’s my intent to provide a location where you can be comfortable being sincere. It’s a hard thing in the world today to have outlets such as this that encourage growth in all aspects of life. I want you to get excited about growing and moving forward when you come here. I want you to gain motivation every time you come. I want to be that kind of friend for you.

I hope you all feel the same way.