In the era before cell phones, my college had one system for getting a message out fast: an incredibly loud PA system with all the audio fidelity of two cans and a piece of string.

Lab Manager: “We’re going to have a surprise emergency drill tomorrow.”

Grad Student #1: “That’s not much of a surprise, is it?”

Lab Manager: “Well, no, but they told the lab staff so we could make sure we didn’t have anything too dangerous or expensive going on. So tomorrow, we’re going to going to work on [completely safe project] instead of [less safe project]. And they’re going to set the fire alarms off, and then we’ll get evacuation instructions over the PA.”

The next day, all of us grad students are working on our safety project, nervously staring up at the fire alarms. Sure enough, right before noon…

Fire Alarms: “WHOOP WHOOP!”

Me: “Okay, so do we run?”

Grad Student #1: “No, I think [Manager] said we wait for instructions over the PA. I guess they’re going to tell us where to go.”

We wait for about thirty seconds, which feels VERY long while the alarm is going off. Finally…

PA: “Gabo! Thazzy nog roll! Gumow! Sizno jull!”

Grad Student #2: “Well, I certainly feel like we’re in safe hands.”

Me: “I guess I’ll just go downstairs and tell whoever is trying to use the PA we can’t understand him.”

I jog downstairs. Undergrads are rushing around with a lot more care than they usually give a drill. I chalk it up to this being a surprise until I get to the ground floor, and…

Campus Staff: *Screaming into PA.* “Get out! This is not a drill! Get out! This is not a drill!”

I have never run up three flights of stairs so fast. The next day, we all had a meeting and quickly decided that the default option was ‘if in doubt, get out.’

I went to a school where most of the students were privileged; many were the children of millionaires. This was in the 1970s, when having a million dollars put you in the top 1%. Often, the families had inherited their fortunes.

History class was covering the Great Depression, and the lesson included a picture of a breadline. One girl asked:

Classmate: “Why are people standing in line to get free bread?”

Teacher: “Because they didn’t have any money.”

Classmate: “If they didn’t have any money, why didn’t they just sell some of their stock?”

I am a 7th grade history teacher. Our school year is split into four quarters, with two quarters making up one semester. After the first semester, students have midterm exams, which cover everything they’ve learned so far.

At my school, if students have maintained at least 90% in the first two quarters, they can be exempt from the midterm. I know that even students who are exempt will need a refresher, so I’m having all students take a short quiz that covers what we’ve learned since the start of the year.

The day before this, the whole class played a game to study for the quiz, and it contained all the topics we had learned about.

Me: “The quiz is officially tomorrow, but if you feel prepared and want to take it today, you may do so. Otherwise, please quietly study.”

[Student], who knows the material but is repeating the class for various reasons, including rushing through assignments and not reading directions thoroughly, raises his hand.

Student: “What is the material on?”

Me: “Everything we’ve covered so far.”

Student: “So does that include the Byzantine Empire?”

Me: “We’ve covered that, so yes.”

Two other students elect to start the quiz early, and before handing them out, I explain to the class at large that when I printed the quizzes, a spacing error made it so that two of the possible answers on a multiple-choice question got pushed onto the back page. A few quiet minutes pass, then [Student] raises his hand again.

Student: “Can you just tell me which topics are covered, and then I’ll decide if I want to take it?”

Me: “It is cumulative. It covers everything we have learned since the beginning of the year.”

Student: “Oh, okay.”

After thinking for a bit, he decides he’s ready to take the quiz. A few minutes later…

Student: “The question at the bottom of the page is cut off.”

Me: “As I explained less than ten minutes ago, the other answers are on the back of the page.”

[Student] turns the page over and gasps in realization. After he finished the quiz and was handing it in:

Student: “I bet I aced it.”

Me: “I’m sure you did! You know a lot about history.”

I just finished grading it. He got 60%. As I said, he’s incredibly bright and knows the subject well, but we’re still working on study skills and reading comprehension.

I teach high school. I deal with the usual behavior issues, but overall, my kids are pretty great. They have their moments, though… 

One of my students is known as a bit of a troublemaker for his afternoon teachers, but in my class, first period of the day, he’s usually pretty quiet, and he occasionally falls asleep during class. I’ve reported him a few times for falling asleep, and through those reports, I know that he doesn’t have the best home life and usually doesn’t get enough sleep at night. With that information, I count myself lucky that I only have to worry about him falling asleep and not causing some of the problems that his afternoon teachers complain about.

One day, this student comes to class with WAY more energy than I’ve personally ever seen him with, and he starts doing things to get in trouble right away. After about ten minutes and telling him multiple times to quiet down and stop causing problems, I finally told him to go to the principal’s office. He argues for a few minutes, but leaves the room when I pick up the classroom phone to call the principal.

Later in the day, I see the student in the hallway and ask if we can talk for a minute.

Me: “Hey, [Student], I just want to ask what happened this morning. You’re usually pretty quiet, but today you were buzzing like a power line.”

Student: “Yeah, I’m sorry.”

Me: “It’s okay, I just want to make sure it’s not something I need to be worried about becoming a regular thing.”

Student: “It won’t. My dad got sick of hearing that I was falling asleep in your class, so he bought me two cans of Red Bull when we stopped for gas before school. I drank one in the truck, and then one in the cafeteria before the bell rang.”

Me: “… I see.”

Student: “Yeah. He has ADHD pretty badly, so he uses Red Bull to help him focus, and he thought it might help me stay awake and focus too.”

Me: *Starting to laugh at the absurdity of this logic.* “I… don’t know what to say to that one.”

Student: *Also starting to laugh.* “I know it was wrong. I’m already starting to crash super hard, so tomorrow I’m only having one Red Bull!”

Me: “Maybe NO Red Bull would be better?”

Student: “Nah, my dad thinks I probably have ADHD too. Besides, Red Bull tastes better than Monster or Rockstar!”

Me: “Well… as long as we find an option between ‘falling asleep in class’ and ‘more wired than Hammy*’, I think we’ll be okay!”

Student: “Ooh, maybe I can have my dad buy me three Red Bulls! I bet that would get me so focused I’d be able to pass ANY test!”

We laughed together. I also expressed how terrible an idea that would be, and the student assured me that “Nah, I’ll stick to one”, and I wrote him a pass to his next class so he wouldn’t get in trouble for being late. 

I did mention the situation to the principal, just in case it signaled the start of a negative shift in the student’s home life, but so far, the student has been back to his usual sleepy self.

* “More wired than Hammy” is a reference to the movie ‘Over The Hedge’, featuring an extremely energetic squirrel named Hammy. It’s my all-time favorite movie, so I use it as a treat every year after one of my especially tough units. We had watched the movie a few weeks before this story, so I knew the student would understand the reference.

I’m in AP US History, in our sophomore year of high school. A girl in front of me, during a test, turns and whispers to her friend:

Girl #1: “Who won the Civil War?”

Girl #2: “Are you that stupid?”

Girl #1: “Oh, right. It wasn’t the Germans because if it were, we’d all be speaking German!”

She wrote an answer, and to this day I’ve always wondered what that answer was…