Our lab has a small office/lab space away from the main area where three of us work. One day, we start getting calls to speak to someone in another lab about a job. As we don’t have the correct number ending (all numbers for the building start the same, but differ by a few digits to get to the correct office), we tell them to email the person they are looking for.

However, after a few days of being interrupted more than five times a day. It’s getting pretty irritating, and we decide to look it up on the department’s web page to give them the correct number, only to find our number is listed.

We reach out to the lab (it’s a floor below) to tell them about the issue… and nothing happens for a week.

Okay, it could be IT mucking up as it is the website, but we three are not secretaries for them, so we go on a hunt for the boss’s number and start giving that to the people calling.

The day after the number has been corrected and no more phone calls, success!

In the era before cell phones, my college had one system for getting a message out fast: an incredibly loud PA system with all the audio fidelity of two cans and a piece of string.

Lab Manager: “We’re going to have a surprise emergency drill tomorrow.”

Grad Student #1: “That’s not much of a surprise, is it?”

Lab Manager: “Well, no, but they told the lab staff so we could make sure we didn’t have anything too dangerous or expensive going on. So tomorrow, we’re going to work on [completely safe project] instead of [less safe project]. And they’re going to set the fire alarms off, and then we’ll get evacuation instructions over the PA.”

The next day, all of us grad students are working on our safety project, nervously staring up at the fire alarms. Sure enough, right before noon…

Fire Alarms: “WHOOP WHOOP!”

Me: “Okay, so do we run?”

Grad Student #1: “No, I think [Manager] said we wait for instructions over the PA. I guess they’re going to tell us where to go.”

We wait for about thirty seconds, which feels VERY long while the alarm is going off. Finally…

PA: “Gabo! Thazzy nog roll! Gumow! Sizno jull!”

Grad Student #2: “Well, I certainly feel like we’re in safe hands.”

Me: “I guess I’ll just go downstairs and tell whoever is trying to use the PA we can’t understand him.”

I jog downstairs. Undergrads are rushing around with a lot more care than they usually give a drill. I chalk it up to this being a surprise until I get to the ground floor, and…

Campus Staff: *Screaming into PA.* “Get out! This is not a drill! Get out! This is not a drill!”

I have never run up three flights of stairs so fast. The next day, we all had a meeting and quickly decided that the default option was ‘if in doubt, get out.’

I work for a recruitment agency. We often send applicants to a lab for drug testing as part of the recruitment process. We sent an engineer for a drug test, and the facility called back.

Facility: “We can’t run the test because he left… uh… the wrong sample.”

Me: “He didn’t leave a urine sample?”

Facility: “That… is correct.”

Me: “But he left a sample?”

Facility: “That… is also correct.”

Me: “What sample?”

Facility: “…not urine.”

The girl on the phone sounded young and nervous, so I got the hint. I called the engineer back and told him what the facility had told us, and that he would need to go back and to give a urine sample.

Engineer: “Urine sample?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Engineer: “That explains why there were no magazines! And why they gave me that tiny little tube! Normally, you get a cup!”

I’m in a video conference call with a client. We’re going around and doing introductions. I’m the laboratory analyst and am the one working with the stuff they are sending to us. We run through the normal procedure, and I suggest some ways to move forward with their stuff to get the results they want.

Client: *Directed at my boss.* “That’s great, but what does the guy working on our stuff think?”

Boss: “The guy not working on your stuff thinks the woman working on your stuff is right.”

They were noticeably quieter in the call after that.

I work in an inspection lab. [Coworker] is a good guy, but he’s nineteen and thinks he knows everything. He refuses to listen to me and only ever wants instructions from the older guys, probably because I’m only a couple of years older than him.

Team Lead: “Okay, so [My Name], can you pick up those external jobs for me? Shouldn’t be too taxing, but we need no mistakes, okay?”

Me: “Sure thing.”

Team Lead: “[Coworker], can you do the daily checks from [Department] and then carry on with normal work?”

Coworker: “I don’t know how to do the daily checks.”

Team Lead: “Ask [My Name] for help, they can show you.”

Great. I’d already tried to show [Coworker] twice. The first time, he didn’t listen; the second time, he flat-out refused to even try. Fine. If he wants to know, he can come and ask me; otherwise, I’m not bending over backwards again.

So, I get stuck into my own work. Hours pass. The daily checks still aren’t done, and these results are important for another department. He really needs to get on with it.

I notice him chatting to one of the other guys, and they point him toward me. I’d bet good money that he was asking them for help, but unfortunately for him, I’m the only one who can show him.

Tea break comes around, and [Coworker] walks up to me.

Me: “The daily checks need to be done in the next hour if you don’t want [Team Lead] to have a go at you.”

Coworker: “I know, I know! I’ve been busy.”

Me: “If you don’t know what you’re doing, why don’t you just ask me?”

Coworker: “I don’t need your help! I can figure it out on my own!”

Fine by me. The work isn’t even that difficult, and there’s a printed instruction sheet right next to the machine. But if he wants to struggle, I’ll let him.

Rather than accept help, he just didn’t do the work. He sent the parts back unchecked and claimed he “forgot to attach the results.”

The next day, they made him do two days’ worth of checks. He finally admitted he didn’t know how. He tried to blame me, but that didn’t work. He got himself a formal warning and a strict instruction from management to actually listen to people who are trying to help him!