I like how at 4:25 yesterday afternoon my boss sent me an e-mail telling me to go home. I like having a job I am good at and to which I am dedicated and committed. This may sound weird, but before I went back to work I had serious doubts about my potential for that.

But it's nice to be appreciated (my boss mentioned that in her e-mail, too) and to have a boss who recognizes that although I am dedicated to my job, my family comes first. I like working in a place that allows me to seek the best balance I can find with home and work.

It's a huge blessing. I know.

Now that everyone is back I can tell you that I was home alone from Sunday until today and I liked it. I mean sure, I missed everyone. But quiet was nice. And getting stuff done was nice.

But I kind of wonder what my family thought when they came home and found big chairs wedged under the two doors that don't have deadbolts or what they would have thought if they knew I slept with two different phones by my pillow?

I'm a wimp with an overactive imagination. But for that I had a good time (mostly).

Becoming as much of a homebody as I possibly can given the fact I'm a work-outside-the-home mom.

The clearest purest blue sky this morning.

Packages in the mail (a hand-made scarf meant to give love and hug every time I wear it and a birthday present from my sister who was trying to come visit but was stopped by the storm).

Dinners and evenings with my kids and their fun friends.

Finding the perfect January wall planner/calendar well, before the middle of January!

Husband doing the dishes.

Post-holiday retail therapy.

Central heat, flannel sheets and my favorite Buggy Barn Log Cabin Crazy Quilt.

Not to mention my very own cozy pair of sheepskin slippers.

(Thank you dear friends--you know who you are--for the scarf and the slippers.)

Being home.

Staying in my pjs.

Watching the snow fall...and fall...and fall.



Listening to Luke's recording of the Christmas story in Luke 2 on Christmas Eve.
Talking to Luke this morning.
Finishing reading the last four verses of The Book of Mormon (we are the last wagon) today over the phone with Luke during his phone call.



Candles burning.

The new Enya CD.

The anticipation of flannel sheets.



Generosity.

Love.

Prayers.



Blessings.

One of the reasons I got to stay in my jammies all day yesterday and not leave the house is because I was spared an early morning trip to Wal-Mart by a friend who showed up on Friday with the one thing I really, really needed. A pair of snow boots for my youngest. He's been traipsing to school every day in his big brother's old snowboard boots for lack of anything else to keep his feet dry. My friend Julie was cleaning out her closet and found a pair of great boots her son had worn only once and they were perfect.

In other news, I love it when the kids' friends join us for scriptures and prayer. We're rather sporadic at best, but we try and I think it's great when friends are willing to sit and listen and pray with us just like they are family too. My kids have great friends and I love them like family, so it just feels right to have them here with us.

Also today...

hugs

hope and faith and well wishes

carolers

Last night I made a vow to myself that I would stay in my p.j.'s all day and I wouldn't leave the house today. I guess I did end up stepping out the front door, but that was just to put a Merry Christmas sign up and toss a snowman out onto the little table by the front door.

I almost didn't decorate at all (well, except for the tree), but having a nine-year-old still at home who still gets excited for holidays is good for me. Especially this year. The snowman shrine and the santas are still in their boxes and it does not appear that Christmas threw up in my living room, but I have angels on the mantel (I might leave them up all next year), nutcrackers on the piano and the mostly hands-on nativities gathered around the coffee table. It made me feel good to be able to do that.

I may have taken three naps today, too. Which was good. I am spent and exhausted. It's a good thing tomorrow is a day of rest (we'll see about that).

I just stumbled upon the R.C. Willey bill I've been panicked over. Not because I bought the gorgeous bright red microfiber sectional I wanted there, but because I need to pay off the more-expensive-than-we-thought-it-would-be brake job I financed on 90-days SAC.

The truth is I don't have enough money to pay it and the VISA bill due two days after Christmas (that's what comes out of my meager paychecks--along with the car payment and my tithing).

The statement has been coming to me for the past two months and I didn't even notice the error. Given my current life events I never would have caught it--I would have just overdrafted in order to pay it off.

So this evening I am grateful that sometime since the last statement, someone from Big O Tires happened to notice that they had overcharged me to the tune of three hundred dollars and they bothered to correct the bill.

I think I should be able to just manage the current balance now.

A tender mercy indeed!

A quiet evening home. Safe and warm from the storm blowing outside.

Peace. Once the wind stops blowing there is a gentle and quiet peace that lies across the land when it is blanketed with snow. It's nice to feel the same peace within the walls of my home and within my heart at this moment.

I'm in a much better place today than I was this time last week.

A good part of that is because of the love and prayers that have blanketed us.

Thank you.

Already this experience is so humbling to me (both in the knock-my-legs-out-from-under-me-so-I-throw-myself-at-the-mercy-of-the-Lord kind of humbling and the people-are-good kind of humbling).

Initially I thought to myself, I'm going to look for one blessing a day to note here during this awful trial, so I can find a way to look on the bright side and be grateful.

But they are coming in too fast.


Last night we found a wrapped package the size of a shirt box on our stairs. It had my husband's name on it. Inside was an envelope on which was written:

Mr. R,

I know it won't put a huge dent inthe medical bills you're about to face, but I wanted to help. I love you and I'll be praying for your speedy recovery.

Love,

One of your past students whose life you've changed for the better.

Merry Christmas

Inside was a wad of twenty dollar bills.

It is exactly enough to cover Shane's medical deductible.



-----



Shane plays basketball "with the boys" at 6 a.m. every Tuesday and Thursday morning.

He's done this for years.

I knew it would be a rough time having to tell them last Tuesday.

And it was.

Today he came home and told me "The boys brought me flowers."

The "flowers" were really a brand new basketball.

Signed by "the boys."

Today I am especially grateful I have kept this little side blog as a place to notice, record and give thanks for those sometimes subtle but sweet blessings it might be easy to overlook or take for granted. I know that recognizing our blessings is especially important right now.

The closer it got to 3:30 p.m. Wednesday (our alleged--once we got there the receptionist informed us she didn't have us down for that day, but I had none of that and she worked us in--appointment with the surgeon in which we were supposed to get the results of the MRI and CT scan), the sicker we felt. I cannot even describe it. I had been trying to remain hopeful and have faith, but I really just wanted to throw up.

I could tell Shane felt even worse than I did.


I had no idea how we would be able to endure the usually long wait at the office.


For some reason I decided to run home from work for a second before I headed down to meet Shane at the doctor's office. As I drove up to house I saw a box at my door.

It was the box I have been quite impatiently waiting for long before it was even sent.

A box full of pictures from Luke.


We ended up waiting an hour and a half to go back to the exam room.

The 600 photos on 3 CDs pulled us through until they ran out about 8 long minutes before the doctor entered to give us the news.


All this time I had been so impatient and then I realized the pictures were supposed to arrive exactly when they did--just when we needed them the most.

Today I am grateful that even upon just learning of our distress people and families are praying and fasting for Shane. His name is being placed on prayer rolls all over the world. And even though it is a very busy Christmas season his co-workers are trying to plan a temple day on his behalf. We are so blessed to know such loving, faithful and hopeful people.

I am overwhelmed and humbled by all the love and support shown to us already and I know this is only the beginning.

I know I've said it before, but the sunsets continue to be amazing each night. And the view from the Provo Temple of the valley's night sky on Tuesday was breathtaking.

I am also feeling grateful for family--we spent the afternoon with my in-laws yesterday and it was very much fun.

And, since we only had two kids in the car and they each got their own row of seats, it was very enjoyable to not have any fighting during the car ride there and back.




I am so very grateful thankful for and enjoying gassing up for $1.65/gallon. Makes me want to pack up the car and go road-tripping!

Did you see the sunset tonight? Simply gorgeous. Breathtaking. Virtuous, lovely and of good report.

I am grateful for the beauty of the earth.

11-29-08
I am thankful for the blessing of serving with my sisters as the RS cleaned the church. I didn't feel well; but I went anyway. As always, I get way more out of things like this than I give.

Having a day to mostly just hang around home, spending time with kids, watching a couple of movies, making pumpkin pie.

That my daughter cleaned her room. Really and mostly cleaned her room. And I didn't have to nag her once.

Today
The clouds were so beautiful this morning. I've loved the skies during the past few days--all sorts of shades of grey--and a little bit of rain almost every day. I'm loving it.

That I came home from work and the temple this afternoon to find the dishes done and little son and bigger husband had done some cleaning while I was away. That is the best surprise and most appreciated gift I can imagine. Thank you!

rain (long may it fall)
quiet
not having to cook today (I think I'm thankful for that anyway. It feels weird. I'm a bit off today.)
central heating
vitamin c, honey lemon tea and puffs with lotion

family
having a missionary in the field
testimony
conviction
knowledge

God
Savior
truth
Prophet
scripture

friends
hugs
support
sincerity
sharing

naked trees, black against the pre-dawn sky
stillness
reflections
neighbors
the warm glow of lights appearing slowly, one by one down the street

enough food
enough clothes
enough comforts of home
enough protection
the luxury of knowing what is enough

teh internets (yes, I wrote it that way on purpose)
connections
literacy
expression
convenience


employment (long may it last)
a roof over my head
proximity
accessibility
independence

Today I am thankful for wonderful people whom I've never met who will take in my child and feed him wonderful English food. Words are insignificant to express my gratitude. (But I did check in with our missionaries here and they're taken care of. Maybe I can book them for Christmas dinner.)

Feeling snarky:

I'm thankful I only had to wait an hour and a half for Z~'s doctor appointment today instead of 2 hours like last time.

I'm thankful for my "almost-free" digital TV converter box. (That works at the moment, except for the channel programming part, but which--despite it's high ratings--did not get rave reviews on the news tonight.)

I'm thankful (or am I?) that every time I convince myself I can quit blogging someone makes a comment about how much they love my blog (thanks cousin via FB) or they sort of reach out via my blog (thanks person whom I will protect by keeping anonymous) and I wonder if somehow this tiny thing isn't somehow a good thing, too. If it's a good thing--if it is somehow making a difference (even a tiny difference)--can I really quit?

I truly am thankful for my real family, my ward family, my blog peeps, and my heated home.

And I really love how I can start the dishwasher and/or a load of laundry on my way out the door to work and come home and have it all washed. If someone would find a way to have it dried, folded (only in the case of the laundry) and put away I'd be such an accomplished woman.

I can't seem to get warm, but I'm grateful that at the end of the day I have a warm quilt that should do the trick.

I'm also thankful for a laid-back week--at least for the kids. I have to work, but it's nice they don't have any homework so things are a little chill around here.

I'm grateful to have a job. I'm a bit frightened about the future, so I don't know if I'll be so blessed indefinitely, but I'm going to keep plugging away...

I love the quiet of a Sunday morning. Sleeping in until 7:19. Watching the sky change into morning hues.

I love the dark branches of the empty trees striking a pose against the brightening sky. But crabapples still bend the branches of our tree, a gift to the birds that will be grateful when the snow finally appears.

After months of days like this it's easy to wonder if winter will ever come.

But I do know tomorrow will bring another lovely morning for me to enjoy.

It's not that I wasn't thankful yesterday. I was busy.

11-21

I am thankful for the opportunity to show my love through service.

11-22

Today I am thankful for home and family.

And for the opportunity to pray for those who are suffering hard times.



And for yet another beautiful fall day.

And for the opportunity to pray for rain.



On a lighter side, I'm really thankful someone else took my daughter to see Twilight so I don't have to.

And for really good homemade bread.

And a good (at least what I hope will be good) football game to listen to while I fold mountains of laundry.

I was invited to teach the girls (Beehives) pie baking. We made sour cream lemon and cherry.

Best parts?

That it was my daughter's idea to invite me to teach.

That the reason she chose sour cream lemon wasn't because it is her favorite, but because she knows it is one of her leader's favorites.

That this is the second time I've taught pie baking to this group of girls (they used to be in my Activity Days group). I'm hopeful that someday at least one of them might carry on the tradition--the art--of baking pies from scratch.

That one of the leaders--a genuine and generous young wife and mom--just raved and raved. I know she'll go home and try this. She was so appreciative--it was really sweet.

Oh, and ending my day with a slice of sour cream lemon pie doesn't stink, either.

Life is good.

Melody dropped by. I've missed her. I'm thankful Melody has found a good man to share her life with. I hope he knows how lucky and blessed he is. I'm thankful to know she is my sister-friend forever even though she moved to Highland. Which is almost like moving to Northern Idaho, only different. I'm thankful I had some leftover squash soup to share with her and that she raved about it. Especially since the rest of the family doesn't love it. I'm thankful for hugs from a good friend tonight.

Life is short.

Hug well and hug often.

This afternoon (after mailing a big box of silly stuff from America to my boy in England for Christmas) I donned my gardening gloves and grabbed a rake and headed over to the vast parking lot at our church. Our ward gathered there to do a fall clean-up. It was such a beautiful day--still warm enough for shirt sleeves--and the sky, in particular, was so lovely.

I usually fail to notice all the lovely trees that surround and dot the landscape of the parking lot (unless I am looking for a shady spot to park).

Those trees have lots of leaves.

(And only about half of them have fallen.)

But it was a great time. It felt good to enjoy the weather, be with friends who are like family to me, and do a bit of service.

I felt thankful and blessed to participate.

How 'bout a two-fer today?

This morning my friend Donnette called. She'd seen my post on Facebook and asked about my week. Then she made me the best offer. She didn't ask if there was anything she could do. She didn't even ask if maybe I needed dinner brought in. She said, "I'm making a big pot of chicken soup. I'll bring some over after church. And maybe some apple crisp. Would that be OK?

Yes, that's even better than OK.

Thanks Donnette! The soup was delicious and the rolls and apple crisp were might fine too. It was so nice not to have to cook today.

Bless you!

I love the Sabbath.

I'm grateful for...

11-12-08

modern medicine

ice chips

warm blankets

good neighbors and friends

narcotics for pain

medical insurance (even though it's still gonna cost me)


11-13-08

comfortable jammies

warm blankets

good movies

jamba juice and kneaders for lunch (thanks mom)

PTO


11-14-08

my kids' friends

a good oral surgeon (and anesthesia, too)

enough leftover cupcakes with really great frosting for treats after cub scouts

something yummy for when a soft-food diet is prescribed

really good pizza


11-15-08

a lovely view from my living room window

yet another beautiful fall day

another win for the Cougs

a great recipe for Pumpkin Cookies

Monk reruns

A Pumpkin Oreo shake for Family Home Argument treats after going shopping last night for our big Christmas package for Luke.

It really doesn't get any better than that.

I like being able to have this type of dialogue with each of my older kids as needed:

"You are not being fair to me."

"I do not want to be a nag. It's not in my nature. But I am your mother. When you choose not to do what you say you will you put me in a position where I have to get on your case. Do not do that to me. I do not want it to get in the way of our relationship."

"I want to trust you, but you have to earn it. It is easier to maintain my trust than to get it back once you have betrayed my trust."

There are a number of adults close to me with whom I wish I could have similar conversations. But I can't. So I am even more amazed that teenagers are capable of such conversations and open to such honesty.

the best "little" band ever heard--and check out this season's hardware! (not pictured, my child, who was in a mood that night)

I stink at rock band.

I realize I shouldn't be grateful for that.

But I am grateful that at the marching band party the kids thought it was awesome that me, the band director and his wife completely stunk it up.

(If they'd have had vocals I could have totally rocked!)

Really great lunch with some really great friends.

The perfect crisp Gala apple.

Having only $2.40 library fine for overdue books and videos on the month I was finally going to get "the library mom" thing right and return things on time (I was expecting it to run me about $16).

I love the crazy, unpredictable, this-way-and-that-way-then-Look Out!-it's-it's-coming-right-at-you, haphazard way the first snow was blowing this morning.

Kind of like my life.

On some days I long for rhyme and/or reason.

But I kind of think I might get a little bored if it were all that simple.

One thing I love about the fact that I now wake up at 5:00a.m. instead of 6a.m. is I can get up and get a few things done, then have some time to snuggle with my youngest child before he gets up to get ready for school. It's great to have some one on one time and everyone else thinks they're just too big to cuddle anymore.

I'm going to enjoy it with him while I still can.

I'm a couple of days late with my intended month of Thanksgiving on my little blog less traveled by, which is dedicated to thanksgiving. But here goes:

I am thankful to have served a mission. My mission was not what I expected it to be. But there are friends, companions, experiences, and learning opportunities that are dear to my heart. But perhaps the best blessing I received from serving a mission is coming to fruition now, as I am able to share encouragement with my missionary son from the perspective of someone who has been there.

I hope it is helpful to him.

I love the rush of pure love that pours out of my heart--it's almost tangible--as I sign my e-mails to Luke with love and BIG hugs.

I love the simple act of my husband leaving the good scraper on my car window this morning.

I love a good, heartfelt hug. You the kind where you can just feel how much the hugger really means it.

I love standing on the field at Cougar Stadium on a cool but clear late fall afternoon, feeling as if I could simply reach up a little higher and touch the Wasatch mountains.

I love the hit or miss kiss on the cheek and frequent hugs when my youngest goes out the door.

I love snuggling under my blanket at night--feeling the contrast of the cooler nights and the blissful warmth of my bed.

I love my daughter singing a sassy song over and over and over for the past three hours and listing all the nicknames I've given her over the years on one of those "getting to know you" e-mail forwards.

I love when friends drop by to tell me they love me.

I'm loving getting up in the dark. I don't know why, but I do.

The snow on the top of Timp yesterday set against the clear blue sky was simply stunning.

The coolness of the rain this past weekend juxtaposed against the warmth of my home as we just kind of hung around for conference on Sunday (after the usual crepe breakfast served w/ fresh peaches this time) was delicious!

It warms my heart to see my kids want to hang out in Luke's room--sprawled across his bed or floor or crashed in his favorite papasan chair. I know they miss him too.

Spending time with friends and family IRL.

Taking a nap on Luke's bed.

I've spent a lifetime trying to woman up to whatever life deals and put the positive spin on just about everything, but sometimes it feels good to let myself just accept what I'm feeling--no matter what it is--without judgment. I haven't spent much time in Luke's room because keeping busy and distracted is a good way to avoid what I'm really feeling. But today I was alone and I laid down on his bed and I felt sadness wash over me. Not the deep gut-wrenching kind (well, mostly not anyway)--there was enough of that the first few days he was gone. Just sadness because I miss him--I miss his presence in our home. And because I know that although he is working so hard and praying so hard to keep his spirits up, he is homesick for us too.

It's good to have a home one can be homesick for and to have a son one can feel sonsick for.

It's good to be able to feel sad.

And it's also good to get up and get back to work.

Indian summer.

Not running the furnace or the AC for an entire month.

Transatlantic e-mail.

Pumpkins on the vine. My first batch of pumpkin spice soap. The pretty pumpkin color accented with ambers, ochres and crimsons of the fall foliage.

Football. Family. Friends.

good friends with good books

the rumble of thunder (let it rain let it rain let it rain!)

a flexible work schedule

that my husband did the dishes and brought me tomato basil soup w/ orzo pasta from Zupas last night

Puffs Plus w/ Lotion (again)

cool nights

the scent of crabapples and pomegranate stewing together on my stove

the enormous full moon hung low on yesterday morning's Western horizon

Having a friend spontaneous enough to cancel her plans for her day off and run up to SLC with me to

catch up on each other's lives

hear my kid solo in the State Jazz Fest

kick around with me, said son and one of his friends amongst the pigs and the chickens and the goats

munch on candied almonds and pecans

run over to the U of U

wander amongst the masterpieces of the Monet to Picasso Exhibit

partake of mango curry chicken salad at the f/stop cafe

appreciate the perfect day

notes from all over:

From the seminary secretary after I explained to her why Z~ was absent last Thursday:

Also, just let me tell you that Luke is one of my favorite young men. I have always been so impressed with him and know that he will make an outstanding missionary.



Sis. L



From a friend of Luke's who wrote to request she be put on the list of people to whom I'll be forwarding Luke's e-mails:

Hi Sister Rowley!

This is Jamie and I was just wondering if you would put me on the list of people you forward Luke's emails to. My email is (deleted). Thanks! I also wanted to thank you for raising such a righteous son who is so strong in the gospel. I admire you and your husband for all that you've done. Luke always talked about his Mom and Dad while we would hang out and he taught me that respecting your parents and elders was always one of the first things on the list to do. Thanks again, God be with you and your family!

Sincerely,
Jamie


I can't take any credit--Luke is who he is. I just loved him and gave him the space to become. But I appreciate the thoughtfulness of people who take time to write and it's a pleasure to know Luke is a force for good in places other than just our home.

I cannot even tell you how much I love the pouring rain.

(Not to mention the accompanying grey skies.)

L~'s prayer:

You have to know that L~ likes to say family prayer and she likes to say it fast. In fact, she is quite the expert in what I like to call speed-praying. I've noted of late that she has slowed down her pace just a little. If you listen really closely you can actually make out the words. The following is and excerpt of what I heard last night.


Please bless *the caterpillars that they'll be OK even though one of them is cocooning from a leaf.

Please bless Stephanie and...um...everyone else who was on the plane.

Please bless Luke that he will write really soon.

...Amen



*Luke used to raise Monarch caterpillars. They've been scarce in recent years, but we happened to find two eggs a few weeks ago and we waited and watched as they hatched, kept them stalked with fresh milkweed every day, and have been anticipating their morphing into chrysalides and then butterflies. It is fitting that on the day Luke left us for his mission both caterpillars slowly worked their way to the top of the jar and on this day, the day he arrived in England and entered the MTC they are creating their respective chrysalides.

It's amazing how good friends, teachers and mentors are all an integral part of who we were, who we are and who we become.

Last week I was rounding the corner of a street just a block away when I saw a familiar face. Her name is Vi Schiefer. She used to be Luke's primary teacher. She loved Luke and was a good friend to our entire family. She is deaf and I was always touched and amazed at how the children in her class could feel her testimony and her love for them and she theirs despite the communication differences.

Vi moved away years ago and we haven't seen her since. But there she was. I was able to take Luke over to visit with her once again. He'd learned ASL since he'd seen her last, and although the vocabulary was a bit rusty, it meant something to her that he would sign what he could.

In the past weeks we've had a number of such encounters that I know were not by chance.

Blessings every one.

Going downstairs and finding Z~, his friend Jeff and Luke all sprawled out on Z~'s floor (yes, I issued the annual "Your Room Will Be Cleaned Before School Starts" edict and there is again floor visible) just hanging out. Luke and Z~ are 21 months apart and were pretty much inseparable until Jr. High. They will miss each other and be apart for almost four years. It's good to see these two very different but very dear and good young men together again during these, their last days together. (Someone please remind me to tell you sometime about the two of them walking down the hill from the Provo Temple on the day Luke took out his endowments.)

Getting good news that some tragic news I'd received a few hours before had been incomplete and therefore incorrect. Miracles happen. Lives are spared. My heart is somewhat lighter for being reminded of that.

A home teacher of at least eight years or more (which means Luke would have been 10 or 11) coming by today to tell Luke goodbye. He is one of my dear friend's husband and I know he genuinely cares about us. Dave served in England as well and came by because he'd been reading in his mission journal and he recalled a time when he had a regret because he let slip by a chance to learn to love and learn from a certain companion. As someone who is also a harsh judge of her 23-year-old mission self I could appreciate his story--it touched my heart. He entreated Luke to be humble and to be open to what God wants him to learn from each opportunity to grow. "No regrets," he said. And he kindly reminded Luke not to be too hard on himself when he did make mistakes but to move forward. He left a loving, true and positive message about making the most of the next two years. I am grateful for the power of a good home teacher who would take time out to leave a personal lesson for my son before he leaves.

I'm in the middle of compiling a few letters for Luke. They consist of notes left on paper I passed around during the gathering that ensued after he spoke in church last week. (I need to get them in the mail today so he will have some mail when he arrives in the U.K.) I can't help but read a few as I put them together in groups of four sheets of paper each, to remain at 1 oz. or under to qualify for the 94-cent postage. One in particular touches my heart. It is from a boy who moved here a few years ago and who kind of grew up w/ Luke until high school when their interests took them down different paths. He thanks Luke for encouraging him and showing him the way and mentions that he is starting to kind of figure things out. I know this boy has struggled and it warms my heart to know he is figuring things out. I wish him well.

It occurs to me that I am grateful beyond words for the power of a good example. The truth is, there were many good examples that influenced and inspired Luke thus far in his life. I also recognize and appreciate the good example he has shown for others. I have heard other stories, ones I won't detail here, but which I hope I never forget, of how Luke's good choices and desire to do good have made an impact in the lives of others. Most importantly, I am beginning to glimpse the beauty of what it can mean for a family when the oldest child leads off with a good example. I know there are challenges--current and future--to overcome. But somehow I feel more hopeful about the eventual outcome knowing that thus far Luke has chosen the good path and has shown the way to those who follow. I realize Luke still has lessons to learn, choices to make and things to figure out. I wish him well.

I love how in about mid-August this magic occurs in which the daytime temperature can be the very same it was in mid-July but it feels different. You can sense the promise of a gentle breeze and cooler nights even when it's still 90 degrees outside.

I am amazed at how good food and good friends can make the world right for a few hours.

I can't tell you how grateful I am to know my nine-year-old has the best fourth grade teacher in the world. I think I may be as excited about fourth grade as he is. Best part? He had her last year, too. We love her!

I got a letter today from my friend Lil. One of these days I need to write about Lil. She has done a very brave thing. It's something I want to do sometime--when the time is right--but it is something that I know takes her way out of both her comfortable and warm and loving home as well as out of her comfort zone. She and her husband Phil are serving in the Louisiana New Orleans mission. In an area that is too scary for sister missionaries. And they are speaking Spanish, which language Lil is just now learning. I miss Lil's sweet smile and her gentle ways and her kindness and friendship to me. But I am so very proud of her. She wrote in an e-mail how because of the language barrier the most the people get from her right now is a hug and a smile. I've been blessed by both Lil's hugs and Lil's smile and I think the people of Louisiana are coming out OK on this one.

Tonight I went to Guru's to hear Lil's sweet daughter Amara sing. I gave her a hug in between songs. It was from me, but I hope she knew it was also on behalf of her mother, who I'm sure misses her dearly.

Someone said something to me today that meant so very much to me. I'm not quite sure how to record it, but I need to because I don't want to ever forget it. Some friends of mine have moved back to Utah after living in Georgia for a year. I knew they had mixed feelings about coming back, but I've been so happy to see them again. Today he told me part of the reason they felt OK about coming back was because I made them feel like they were coming back to family. I know what it means to me when someone makes me feel like more than a friend--like family--and I'm humbled and happy to be able to share that kind of love and acceptance with someone else.

Little things mean a lot.

Melody bringing me flowers a couple of days before and letting me into Costco. She brought Rice Krispy Treats and blueberries and strawberries tonight, too.

A number of family and friends who have been dropping off extra food for days now, knowing I'll be feeding a crowd.

Olga as she sent me home with chafing dish after chafing dish of marvelous leftovers in order to help me feed the masses of family we had show up today in love and support of our family. Even better--a hug and well wishes and a big "I love you."

Brothers and a sister who postponed big plans for a family reunion this year in order to be here together for this day. Each one of them willing to do whatever was needed especially when just being here was what was most needed.

A mother who generously helped in every way she could even though she was hosting family the entire time.

Three grandmothers who are still living and loving and supporting us.

An aunt and uncle who sort of adopted us after my father died and make sure not to miss important events like this in our lives.

Another aunt who left the family farm during the busy time of harvest and spent a lot of money for gas to come when she knew she really shouldn't but because she knew should couldn't miss it.

Shane's mission president and his wife who pulled in as I arrived. Shane served some 30 years ago, but their love and support of us hasn't waned.

Four long rows of family. Six side rows and an additional scattering of high-school students who arrived to Sacrament Meeting 45 minutes early in order to get a seat.

Two friends from my work who come--even though it is their second Sacrament Meeting of the day--and staying for dinner.

A dear friend who is quite ill and has been hiding her illness from me so I wouldn't worry but who came and sat in the foyer so she could hear my boy speak.

The moment when I thank my mother-in-law for coming, telling her how I know she wouldn't have missed it but that I wanted her to know how much her presence means to us. She turns away to wipe her tears and I know she felt what I meant.

Knowing two families who moved away ages ago came back to the ward today so they could be there.

Having a young woman give me a hug and thank me for raising a righteous young man.

Georgia and Rob coming to be a welcome part of my village.

Seeing at least one boy who I know is no longer active sitting on the back row.

The moment that most undid me--seeing Shane and Luke together as Shane waiting to give the closing prayer.

A ward family who is as supportive as my immediate family.

Wondering what happened to my baby and the last 19 years that seemed to fly by, but proud of this boy who is growing into a man. Knowing he is anxious to serve the Lord and share his testimony with conviction will make it easier to let him go. I want him to be happy. While I know this will be hard, I know he will find joy as well.

Corn-on-the-cob for dinner last night (and tonight--only this time with fresh-off-the-vine tomatoes).

Lunch with friends (topped off by the perfect flourless cake) after a crazy day at work. (Thank you ladies!)

Having second son ask this of me as he is packing for a macho JEEP trip down in Moab for scout camp: "Mom, can I please take a bar of your soap with me?" YES!

Not feeling guilty about being AWOL from RS activities in a week where there are three planned in four days.

Puffs Plus with Lotion (again)!

They say laughter is the best medicine. I hope the ubiquitous they are correct. I've been hit with a nasty summer cold. My youngest doesn't believe me. "You can't catch a cold in the summer time...it is too hot!," he says. In any case I'm downing garlic and vitamin C and whatever else I can think of along with a healthy dose of Stephen Colbert and Whose Line is it Anyway clips. I should be good as new in no time!

Toasted Almond Fudge Ice Cream. In the form of a hand-stirred homemade shake. Yummy!

Movie nights. It's too hot outside or even upstairs so whoever is home hangs in the basement catching up on movies we are the last people on the planet to have seen. (I loved Batman Begins and I did not expect to all.)

The convenience of oral surgery. Wisdom teeth? Piece of cake. Someday I'll tell you the horror story of my wisdom teeth extraction, but Luke's went great. Whew! He can go to the U.K. now.

Getting bit by mosquitoes as I chatted on the front porch with my friend Tonya last night. (Really the chat part more than the getting bit part.) I love Tonya. She is one of my favorite people.

The fact that, at least until tonight (it's 1:40 a.m. and still 85 degrees out, and my AC is not even putting a dent in the 77 degrees it is inside--I need it about 68 to sleep), nights have been cool. I need air and it's been great to throw open my windows at bedtime each night and embrace the relatively fresh air. I think I may have to pack up the old cpap and head downstairs in a bit or I won't be good for anything tomorrow.

Going back to work Monday after a week off and having a few of the account managers who must have missed me practically gush over me because they, well, apparently missed me.

See's Candy. Just a couple of pieces of Summertime. They were out of the Key Lime Pie. Darn. Guess I'll have to go back sometime.

Having my teenage daughter ask if she could help tonight. She warned me she only had 5 minutes, but it was the thought that counts, right?

Being reminded this morning that you can make a difference in the lives of people you care about by doing simple things.

Being for the most part oblivious (well, probably for the most part in denial) that four weeks from tomorrow I'll be saying good-bye to my Luke at the airport and that two years is a really, really long time.

Having one of my best and well-read friends come up to me after my Z~ spoke in Sacrament Meeting and ask me if I wrote his talk.

Flattered I was.

Luke is quite the orator, too.

That makes a mama proud.





Calling one of my favorite uncles this afternoon to see if I could see him before he flies out to Mexico at 6:00 in the morning to go be a mission president. Having him so graciously tell me how good it is to hear my voice and warmly act as though they have all the time in the world for us to drop by to say good-bye.

Big hugs from said uncle and aunt. Feeling the spirit as they share glimmers of the light they have been basking in while at the MTC and mingling with general authorities and other mission president couples. Having him invite us to join them for family prayer. His gracious sweet prayer.

The extra hard and long hug he gave me after I hugged him goodbye. "How about another one. This one is for my brother." (My dad, who passed away on this day 26 years ago.)

Making it till the middle of June without having to turn on my central air.

Heck, having central air to begin with, but especially making it this long without having to turn it on.

Just call me a one-woman Bureau of Reclamation.

This is the year I reclaim things I have been missing in my life. First, the morning. It has always bothered me that my work gets the best part of my day--the best part of me. So instead of going in early to get the day over, this summer I'm going in after 9-9:30. I get up in the morning and blog for a bit until my body is all the way awake, putter in my garden, do some dishes or laundry, go for a walk, see my kids after they wake up and before they head off to play with friends, and then I go to work.

I'm reclaiming my garden. I am a certified master gardener and my yard is a mess. Not long after I completed the course I tore my ACL and I can't kneel. It's difficult to garden if you cannot kneel. But I am going to find a way. I'm just doing a little bit every day because pulling weeds so much when I was young is started this mess my hands are in and it only makes it worse, but i am making progress. Next week I'm going to get a load of Nutri-Mulch and cover up the grass seed in hopes the weeds won't sprout if the sun don't shine. And I got tired of waiting for the grow boxed to magically appear so I stole the spot for the some-day trees and planted tomatoes, purple carrots, corn and bush beans. It may not be much, but it's a start.

I'm reclaiming my porch. It really is the loveliest place to eat breakfast, at least when the garden is in deep shape. It's mostly done today except I need to vacuum the green outdoor carpet and wipe down the retro stove/oven that serves as a buffet for my plastic dinnerware on one side and a mini-tool shed on the other.

I'm reclaiming my quilt room. Tons of stuff going to DI. I'm going to keep up on the laundry if it kills me. There is nowhere better to be on a hot summer day than down in the basement sewing away. I need to finish the quilt I'm making for Shane's grandmother and a couple of Christmas projects I've been avoiding but would like to see completed. Then I am going to start on not one, but two king-size quilts for my bed. One for spring and summer, the other for fall.

I'm reclaiming my body. I'm systematically seeing docs for all the (known) things that are wrong with me and I'm going to fix them. I don't even care if they require surgery, although I hope to avoid it if possible. I want to feel good, not be in pain, and have the energy to do those things I want to do.

Eventually I'll reclaim my bedroom by installing a lock on the door, having Shane fix the ceiling, then finding a soothing shade of pale blue paint. Or something. And I'll keep working on keeping the junk out of my space so I can have a place to catch my breath.

Wish me luck!

I need to move. Not my home, but my body. I can be diligent about working out with the right partner, but it has been decades since I have had the right partner. As the summer began and I considered my schedule and how I would fit into my day the things I want to accomplish I was longing for a workout partner. Ideally I'd go to the gym, where I have a shamelessly good deal of a membership ($2/year for the rest of my life). But my friends who go there, even though they invited me to join them, go right about the time I arrive at work. I cannot drag myself there by myself, because a lonely workout is a long workout, especially in the land of the surgically enhanced.

So ask me how happy I was when a friend of mine asked me on Sunday if I would be free to walk with her in the mornings before I go to work. At exactly the perfect time. Thrilled! And it's been fabulous so far, except for the ache of my crunchy kneecaps every day. By about 5p.m. it starts to wear off.

I don't care. I'm happy to be doing something that is good for me physically, socially and emotionally.

Wahoo!

and every now and then we get it a little bit right...

So family home argument can be a bit of a pain at our house--and that's on the nights when we actually get everyone together. But tonight was good. We helped Shane pack a truckload of boxes from the old school and took it down to the new school. And it's gorgeous. Oh the view!

Two of Zack's friends came along and I invited everyone back to the house for strawberry pie our sweet neighbor made for us because Shane procured and laid some sod for her. But I told them they couldn't have any pie until we'd read a chapter from The Book of Mormon. And prayed. Lindsay is into speed praying. I swear she could be an auctioneer. And my favorite line was "And thanks that it sort of rained." Because we got just enough sprinkles tonight to dirty the windows. I loved that she noticed and was thankful and I even loved how we all started giggling in the middle of the prayer.

The pie was good. The company was better. And sometimes you just feel good inside because even though you're not perfect--your life is not perfect--you still know you're getting it a little bit right.

Can I tell you how much I have loved the rainy days? I have had fun watching the clouds bump up against the mountains--competing as to which will look the most ominous and gloomy. I love the purples, blues and greys and the shapes and the movement. I like the coolness (except for the cold feet) and the way the green of the emerging leaves on the trees and the thickening grass and growing plants has more depth against the shadows than in bright light.

I love the mama duck who walks across the street to visit early every morning. We have confirmed there is a nest and we look forward to the baby ducks.

I also love having something concrete to prepare for. England Manchester. At the end of August. In fact the weather this week reminds me of the few days I spend in England a long time ago. It's going to be great--and he's going to love it.

I love the simple lessons I learn from observing my kids.

Yesterday I pulled up five minutes late to pick up L~ from softball practice. As I parked the car I saw L~ take off to run the bases at full speed. After she rounded second base she completely wiped out. One of the best wipe-outs I've ever seen on a softball field.

She got back up and took off to complete her run, trying to catch the girls who had passed her by. I laughed when she got in the car and told her that was the best wipe-out I'd ever seen!

Later she explained that they'd already run bases twice that day and L~ had been giving less than her best on the second run. The coach challenged them all to run it like they meant it on the last run.

I loved knowing that was why she'd been running all out when I saw her.

I loved that when she went down she probably went down a lot harder for how hard she was trying.

I loved that she got back up.

I loved that she came up running.

I also loved that she was a little disappointed when she realized she wasn't any worse for the wear (no battle scars).

Rain. Glorious, cloud-bursting rain. I was just about to get out of my car and start dancing in it with Lorien's kids but then there was a big clap of thunder. So I stayed in. But celebrated just the same.

The best part (well, except for the way it broke K~'s heart to miss his first baseball game) was the rain-out status of the game du jour. That meant for one night I could be home if I wanted to be.

I love a rainy day!

Bribery 101:

Last night, well after dusk, L~ was begging someone to go have a catch with her. She is a budding softball star and lives, eats and breathes softball now.

It was already quarter to nine.

I had been begging everyone all week to go clean the downstairs so Z~ can have friends over for his birthday.

So I stopped doing the dishes (which have never been fully caught up since the beginning of April) and made L~ a deal. "I'll come play catch with you for five minutes if you will immediately go downstairs and help clean the family room until 9:00."

She enthusiastically agreed.

What she didn't realize is that I came out on the best end of both sides of that deal. I got to play catch with my daughter. (I'd forgotten how much I loved to play softball. And my daughter can be a lot of fun to be around when she wants to be.) And the family room is clean (well, after a fashion).

If you can't tell by the frequency of my posts (meaning there is little else I feel well enough to do), I'm sick again. I'm ready to be so over this. Again.

But on the bright side...there are some happy things:

Luke's occasional doing of the dishes

Z~ picking up groceries, especially the much-craved orange juice

L~ being mostly cheerful, even in the morning (and making it to jazz band--at some point--every day this week)

K~ being mostly patient even though I'm not a good mom right now. At least I have the basics down--hugs and cuddles morning and night

Shane taking the kids shopping for baseball and softball cleats and doing the early morning drop-off for jazz band this week so I could rest a little

Melody indulging me with a salad from Cafe Rio and a good visit last night

a half-day of PTO today that will (hopefully) help me recover over the weekend

being able to say "no" to visiting teaching, scouts and a couple of other obligations (as well as, sadly, a couple of things I really wanted to do)

sunshine after snow

and still--blossoms, ducks and Puffs plus with lotion

my morning wake-up call from the birds outside my bedroom window

blossom time - I have three flowering plums that are already in full glory and a crabapple that is about to burst forth in bounteous blossoms. I can almost taste the jelly that will be had...(from the crabapple, not the flowering plums)

baby quail roaming in my backyard...and the front yard...and the street...

blogging when I want and what I want and without obligation

the wild ducks that have settled in across the street (interestingly enough, at the home of the city water director--I am amused). I hope they stay. L~ hopes they have babies because she wants one. She plans to name it Ducky.

rain, blessed pollen smothering rain

a good supply of Puffs with lotion

the arrival of two shipments of essential oils for my soap-making adventure that's about to begin (all I need now is a good scale, a great pair of gloves, some nerve and the lye--I'm still a bit afraid of the lye)

some good hanging out time with my kids last night. It's becoming more rare that we are all together and with softball/baseball and the entire month of May coming up it will seem like almost never. I enjoy it when it happens and when everyone is in a decent mood.

rediscovering Monk. My daughter found it on network television last weekend and I reveled in it. So when I finally had a few hours yesterday to slow down and try to get well I watched it on the computer. I love that there is someone out there more messed up than I am and I love all that is both sweet and sad about this character. I also love that this is a show I can watch with my kids. I could probably watch it with my grandmother, too.

oh me of simple faith

Do you ever notice how faith is kind of relative? Like you're somewhere on a sliding scale and you hope you are working your way upwards on the scale and not sliding back? It's also relative compared to the next girl. On most days I have enough faith to get out of bed in the morning and face my life. That's good, right? But I don't have enough faith to completely turn things over to God like another friend mine does.

Another of my friends--she's kind of my boss, really, but also a friend--has the kind of faith and prayers that miracles are made of. I've seen it happen time and time again. She doesn't get everything she asks for (she has never been able to bear children) but her prayers have wrought mighty miracles. Her faith makes mine look like the equivalent of barely the thought of a grain of mustard seed. But that's OK, because sometimes she prays for me.

Yesterday I got an e-mail from home alerting me to the fact that our bunny, bunny #2, was ill and it didn't look good. I ran home from work to see my daughter's tearstained face as she held the almost-lifeless bunny and lovingly stroked its nose. She was trying to keep it responsive. The bunny was breathing, but barely. Partially relieved that, at least at this point, neither the bunny nor L~ seemed to be in uncontrollable pain, I patted them both on their respective heads and tried to comfort my stoic L~. As Shane was home to deal with the situation I went back to work for a meeting I needed to attend, fully expecting to come home to a freshly dug grave next to bunny #1.

When I arrived home I found L~ and the bunny outside. The bunny (no, we still don't have a name) while not exactly hopping around the cabbage patch was now breathing regularly and had her ears perked up and she was at least upright.

A short time later, the rest of the family left to go to Grandma's house and I began my watch, checking on the bunny hourly. And she seemed to improve by leaps and bounds (well, there hasn't been a lot of leaping about as of yet, but there is bound to be). By this morning there were definite hops.

A couple of hours ago I e-mailed Becky, who had the day off.

"Did you pray over my bunny? Because she's not dead."

"I prayed more specifically for L~ than for the bunny. I prayed that her faith would be strengthened. Sometimes that happens through miracles," was her response.

My life is blessed by friends and faith and by the faith of my friends.

Tonight I went out into the cold after dark to accompany my husband to the retirement home where both my grandmother and his widowed step-uncle dwell.

I watched Shane carry a bag of horehound candy into the building, knowing that the night before he got out our trusty cutting board and kitchen knife and carefully chopped the horehound (along with some anise and some other flavored hard candy) into more manageable pieces and tossed it all in a ziploc bag.

I have been watching him do this for this man for months now, as he visits several times a week--sometimes more often than all of this man's children combined. He also--and I'm embarrassed to admit this--sees my grandmother more often than I do.

While sometimes it's easy to notice the annoying things or lament the things that are lacking in a relationship with someone, I just wanted to take a minute to acknowledge the steady goodness and the attention to the simple but meaningful and important things that I was blessed to recognize ages ago in this man I married.

I hope I can learn to be steady and good, too.

Big hugs from my youngest, who actually hugged me at least three times before he asked me what I brought back for him from Seattle.

Really nailing all the souvenir gifts for the family: Shane got a Mariners hat I really wanted to keep for myself. Luke got a Mariners t-shirt that will be perfect for P-day. Z~ got a bow-tie from Pike Place that he can wear for his jazz performances. L~ got a tie-dyed t-shirt that was exactly what she would have picked out for herself. K~ got a Mariners baseball.

Sleeping in my own bed. OK sure that now means I also have to cook my own breakfast, but it's worth it.

Family and friends. Everywhere I went there wer blogger friends and family to meet me: My sister met me in Seattle. Carrot Jello suprised me at the concert with the gospel choir. Lucky Red Hen spent the afternoon with me and my sister in downtown Seattle. E-dub and my brother and his family met us in Meridian. I am blessed by good friends and family.

The trail of Taco Bell wrappers in the car ("Mom, we only ate there three times!") tells me I've been missed.

That I didn't miss the blossoms on my trees

Home, sweet, messy, sweet, home.

Thank you to the red-haired lady wearing the green shirt who convinced me that even though in-season strawberries were on for $1.25/lb. I did not need to try to fit in making and freezing a batch of strawberry jam the night before I leave for Seattle. "Eat the strawberries and buy the preserves," she said. (What was I thinking anyway?) Thank you lady.

Thank you to the perplexed lady who stood in the middle of the Macey's parking lot with the bagger and two carts full of groceries looking for her car. You see, I was looking for my car, too. I go there so often I frequently have no idea where I parked on that day. But it turns out (she confessed this to me as I helped her look for her silver GMC Safari, which she should have been glad was not one of the two dozen silver Toyota Siennas which I was sifting through) she initially couldn't even remember which car she had driven that day. She and the bagger had already spent several minutes looking for a red sedan. I suddenly felt better about my own faulty memory. Thank you lady.

Do you ever wish for heaven?

Sometimes I do.

Conference this weekend was a little bit of heaven. I watched all four while curled up on the sofa in one of my favorite quilts. (And I only fell asleep once!) Throughout most of it I felt like they were talking straight to my heart. It was really beautiful.

Here's what I look forward to in heaven:

peace of mind

purity of heart

no fences

no dusting

serenity

Dear Elder Wirthlin,

Thank you and Amen!

Sincerely,

me

On a night when I am reeling from the cumulative effects of a number of painful experiences (long stories--don't ask) which have made me take a cold hard look at myself and which led me to decide I need to be more picky about how I invest my time and efforts, and on which I went to my husband's mission reunion instead of my own because it felt more "safe" but I couldn't help but wonder if I was making a mistake, I received the following e-mail:

Hey missed you at the reunion. I hoped you had changed
your mind. It was fun and the food was out of this
world. The hotel was so fancy and beautiful.
I wish you had come. You would have remembered so many
people, and lots would have remembered you.
I'll try and call you Sat. to talk and tell you all
about it.
You were my favorite comp, you know that right? Ok,
lots of love, Sis. XXX

I cannot begin to tell you how much this meant to me. I can only say it was just what I needed.

I love how I can leave a batch of laundry in the washing machine and a batch of dishes in the dishwasher and go to work and it seems like the house practically cleans itself!

I love this time of year when, if you watch really closely, you can literally see the grass green up right before your eyes.

I had no idea, some 11 years ago when right after Luke was baptised the current cub scout chair person came up to me and told me Luke would be starting cub scouts, how cool this night would be. Was it a lot of work to get here? Yeah. Especially as I spent some five years as a den leader with my two oldest sons and put in extra hours to help Luke meet requirements for Webelos and 11-year-old scouts when other people dropped the ball. (And trying to get your kid through five required merit badges during the merit badge pow wow at BYU while your husband is getting his master's degree? Wasn't easy.)

But it was worth it. I am so proud of Luke. Everything said about him tonight was so true. He has a good and honest heart. He wants to do the right thing. He is outstanding in his duty to God. I appreciate his example and his goodness. I wish I could show you all the slide show his father made for him in tribute. It was beautiful!

What struck me the most as I looked out over the room of family and friends--both his and mine--and a whole bunch of scout leaders who helped along the way, is that it really does take a village. And my family and I are certainly blessed with one of the finest villages ever.

I can do this.

I have this really bad habit of feeling the weight of everything I need to do over a span of time and letting it pile up on me until I feel so overwhelmed I'm afraid I'm going to snap. I'm not just talking about the usual--family, dishes, laundry, house, three meals a day, etc. I'm talking about helping plan a tour for 130 people that has become so much more complicated than it needs to be, managing the family finances and doing this year's taxes, preparing for an Eagle Court of Honor for my son tomorrow night, planning ahead for my husband's birthday on Tuesday, and trying to attend way too many events--showers, birthday parties, etc. than I can realistically get to in one day. I usually manage OK when I feel well, but I have a sinus infection and I don't feel well at all. But the show must go on.

Here is where I am making progress:

Last night I e-mailed a few friends and called my SIL and asked them all to bring some cookies or bars for refreshements to the Court of Honor. This instead of baking all night tonight and tomorrow morning. It was hard for me to ask. I did not make them feel obligated in any way. I was so relieved and felt so loved when they said yes.

I am not going to two of the baby showers I was supposed to attend. I just can't do it. I am, however, sending gifts.

I asked my husband to pick up the groceries so I can make the food I need to for the birthday party.

I'm cheating by having my husband run out to the scout office to pick up this adhesive stuff for attaching the merit badges to the bandalo--no sewing!

Here is where I have room to improve:

Despite my propensity to make my lists backwards (after I do them), I'm going to make a list--maybe I'll even do it here--and set deadlines for myself so I can break the burden up into chunks I can handle. I will have a goal to have my load lightened by next Wednesday, which is one week from the day I leave for Seattle. I hope that will allow me to enjoy conference weekend and spend the time I need to getting myself and my family ready for me to be gone.

If and when certain things beyond my control fall apart, I will not accept or carry guilt for them, particularly when I tried multiple times to be a voice of reason and call for working smarter, not harder.

I will do at least one thing every day that will help me feel peace and contentment.


the list:

*get well
*do the dishes
*clean the living room
*fold the laundry
*clean the dining room
*recurring themes on my to-do list (which, by the way, may be added to at will)

Today
send a gift to baby shower #1
send husband for groceries
send husband for sticky stuff for merit badges
invite grandma R to the court of honor
make baked beans for the birthday party
attend the birthday party with entire family
clean the master bathroom
clean the kids' bathroom
clean my room--again
mop the kitchen floor
send a gift to baby shower #2
arrange for refreshments for Court of Honor
bake refreshments for Court of Honor
have son find the bandalo
pay bills online
apply for 0% interest balance transfer
take son who has practically no clothes clothes shopping w/o getting sucked into buying clothes for other kids

Sunday
get family to church
retake our back bench that has been confiscated by other families in recent weeks because we have been late to church (I failed)
apply merit badges
feed family (ask me how happy I am that the last time I made chicken pot pie I made an extra--which meant four because I was taking two in to friends: one post surgery and one with a new baby--and froze it for a rainy snowy day?)
set up for the court of honor, make the refreshment table pretty
enjoy Luke's Court of Honor
write an April Fool's Day post for Segullah

Monday
work
maybe go to the temple so I don't ruin my goal of monthly attendance (one of those days in which the answer was to take care of the living first, which I did
get reimbursed for some $500 for choir and school stuff I put on my credit card (checks are in the mail)
take library books back and see if I can plead for mercy (read reduction) of outrageous library fine
deal with inactive account status and fees from a certain annoying bank
make simple plans for husand's birthday
shop for husband's birthday
attend final tour meeting
get a final head count for tour (I learn that this is something that may not happen until we are loading the buses)

Tuedsay (yeah right, what was I thinking?)
work
order and pay for food for tour's Sunday lunch at Subway in La Grande, OR
order and pay for food for tour's Sunday dinner from Little Casaers (yuck) in Boise, ID
complete any last minutes assignments for tour
teach youngest son how to catch and throw before "the draft" which will happen while I'm gone
practice with youngest son
celebrate husband's birthday
attend ward temple night (I got there by the skin of my teeth--but was so glad I did--great to see you am'n2deep!)
probably go get rice pudding after for a birthday treat (I still haven't made his cake yet. Maybe I should do that right now.)

Wednesday
complete anything left on "the list"--HUGE!
look forward to reading Crossing to Safety
scrounge up money for a pedicure? consider how nice it will be to take up am'n2deep on her offer for a massage instead. Yeah!
pay the Chase bill
deal with auto insurance that dropped the ball on my sons' good student discounts
decide I really need to extend my deadline for these till Friday

Hopeful rays of light streaming across the peaks of Y mountain yesterday morning.

A game of peek-a-boo between the moon and clouds before dawn today.

"And it's going to be a day
There is really no way to say no
To the morning."
--Dan Fogelberg

steamed asparagus

quail (in the back yard, not for dinner)

bold and beautiful choir music for Easter

62 sweet degrees

a nap

pink and blue sunset

strawberry shortcake (made from scratch--the kids call it strawberry shortbiscuits)

spring--and with it hope, renewal, Easter, and did I mention hope?

friendship

order (or some semblance thereof)

0% interest

simplifying

weekends

flowers--even week-old funeral funeral flowers. currently I have week-old mums from Tonya on the table at the top of the stairs, two arrangements of recycled flowers from Mel's mother's service that Lynda arranged so beautifully for Julie's shower and left for me to enjoy and a vase of fresh and brightly colored mums Shane brought home tonight after a trip to the grocery store.

Oh Happy Day!

Launching peeps across the room for my oldest son's physics project. (Can you guess which ones have the greater velocity--the chicks or the bunnies?) I love helping with high school homework. I really do.

Having my "baby" tell me he doesn't want to grow up because he doesn't want to get too big to cuddle.

Finishing a quilt I started before that "baby" was even born. It felt good to finish something again. It will even feel better when I get to hang it--freshly bound, washed and dried, over my front door.

I resolve to cuddle and hug more--even the big kids who shrug it aside. I resolve to finish more quilts. I resolve to make at least one batch of homemade soap before the year is out. (I know. That last one seems like it came out of nowhere. But it's about being a finisher and spending time doing something I love.)

My new paint may be peeling off the walls, but oh baby I love the red...

One of the great things about blogging at Segullah is I sometimes get a heads up on publishing opportunities. One came my way recently and I figured I may as well get brave and just go for it. So I fired off an essay about the lessons we learn from our mothers.

Today I got brave and followed up on it because I hadn't heard anything back about it.

And guess what? They loved it. And they chose it for a book coming out next month.

I'm kind of excited.

archives, drafts, smooth jazz, 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep, blue sky, warm sun, quiet, the snow on Timp (yep--still loving it), being 15 minute late for work because I want to and because I can, solitude

You may have noticed the apparent demise of compulsive writer. Oh I know, the layover link says "compulsive writer has been suspended" (suspended? I haven't been anything close to suspended since jr. high), but I can't help but wonder. What happened? I don't know. Where is my blog? I don't know. Will I get reinstated? Will I ever see my archives again? Oh please yes. But I really don't know. In the meantime, I have no place to call home except this. Keep your fingers crossed for me. Please. It would be a crying shame to lose almost an entire year's worth of journaling. Not to mention the drafts for both compulsive writer and Segullah. I'm trying not to think about it, but sending some positive energy my way certainly won't hurt. I thank you.

Regards,

CW

My oldest started working on his mission papers today. He plans to submit them on May 4. I'll keep you posted. In fact. I think I may have to start another blog. Because I know the only thing more fun than sitting through someone else's mission slides is hearing about someone else's child's mission.

There is really nothing quite as spectacular as the sun slowly waking Mount Timpanogos when she's got her best snow dress on.

I just love it when my youngest completely surprises me by coming to find where I am with the express purpose of giving me a great big hug.

I don't know what could be cooler at this point in my life than watching my oldest son use the power of the Priesthood to give his littlest brother a blessing.

I am grateful.

72 degrees.

Humidity.

Palm trees

Ocean breezes.

Tulips, pansies, birds of paradise, California poppies, etc. etc. etc. all in bloom.

Finding an indoor oasis in the middle of my hotel. Live plants. The sound of water running. Koi swimming back and forth all the livelong day. Turtles, too, but you have to really look for those.

Seeing the effect of modesty.

Teenagers.

Music.

Sand between my toes.

The taste of ocean salt.

Lunching on local fair on the outside deck looking out over the bay.

Aquariums.

Touching sea stars and anemones.

Not having to cook or do dishes.

Laughing out loud.

The sun.

Being safely home.

Hearing from other people that my older boys are nice.

Running around without my coat on Friday (yeah, I know. It was only 42 degrees, but it was above freezing and just lovely out!).

Watching "Hunt for Red October" with my kids last night.

Being able to attend a well done and motivating training meeting.

Feeling a bit validated that my most common feedback to local leadership "There are too many nights in a row in which we are taking families out of there homes" was duly noted by the leadership.

Dining out with my husband and some of our good friends.

Sleeping.

b.


You know what you did.


Thank you for making my week a little bit brighter and better.


You're the b-b-b-best!

I could keep watching snow fall clear till April without tiring of it.

It brings me peace

and quiets my troubled heart.

It helps me slow down my crazy spinning life.

It quenches my thirst for stillness.

It makes me happy

and simply content.















...it's still falling:)

Today I am thankful for family. We missed the funeral broadcast in order to attend my niece's baptism. After the baptism we met at my brother's house for lunch. My brother picked up his only little girl and had her look around the room at all the family and friends gathered round to show their love and support and told her to remember them and know that they were all there for her.

There have been countless times during which I have had family and friends gathered around to love and support me and my family. When I am feeling down and discouraged (as I was this morning when the should-be simple act of getting my kids ready and to the church on time was overwhelmingly depressing and disheartening) I need to remember there are people who love me and my "kids-with-attitude." I know they are pulling for us and I need to simply keep trying.

You can read my tribute to our beloved leader, President Gordon B. Hinckley here, but I need to write about how I feel about my son's tribute.

Just yesterday my second oldest was expressing to me his extreme dislike of church clothes. He hates feeling all choked up with a buttoned up shirt and tie. I empathized and told him it was OK by me if he undid the top button and kept it covered by his tie and loosened his tie a bit so he could breath.

This morning at 6:20 he was bolting out the door for early morning seminary. I noticed he was wearing a white shirt and tie again. I told him he looked niced and asked him what was the special occasion. "To show respect for President Hinckley," was his reply.

Somewhere in the late hours of the evening last night as the news spread, young people around our state got the word out to each other to wear best dress in honor of President Hinckley.

Appreciating now more than ever what a sacrifice it was for this son makes that gesture even more touching to my heart.

Sometimes the best part of my day is having an 80-lb. 8-year-old climb onto my lap, wrap his arms around me and snuggle his head under my chin.

I'm going to miss that, especially in another 8 years when I gaze up at his 6-foot+ gangling (no, it's not really a verb, but it works for me) way over my head and wonder where the time went.

I love how sometimes when you think you just cannot do one more thing a friend invites you to share in an act of service with her and you agree and you get more out of that--being with your friend, getting to know better other friends and just plain participating in a tiny act of kindness in a world that seems full of meanness--than you put into it.

I think I liked it better when I was looking for and posting about something every day.

Over the past week the following things have made my days a little bit brighter:


Waking up to a the calming quiet of heavy snowfall one day. From a meager window in our office I could watch as it kept falling for hours. When I finally left, however, the sky was the most brilliant blue--made brighter by its contrast against the snow.

The funny part of that story is that as I was leaving the building I commented to a woman who was coming back in on how beautiful the day had become. She agreed and remarked on the extremely fresh air. The irony? She was returning from her smoking break.

I'm grateful that irony still makes me smile.


For at least one month I have been successful in at least one of my goals this year. While Elder Richard G. Scott spoke to us during the reorganization of our stake he mentioned how because of our proximity to the temple it is easy for little things to get in our way of attending. Oh how I know this is true. This month I did not let that happen. And it's early enough in the month I might even go back. That feels good.


Big hugs and warm cuddles.


Hot chocolate.


Yesterday afternoon I was on the phone catching up with a favorite friend when we both noticed out the window the beautiful snowflakes. I believe they were the largest and most fluffy snowflakes I've ever seen. They didn't stick around long, but just watching them was an experience.


Saturdays off. Well, "off" is relative. I'm still working hard at my non-paid job at home. But it's good to have a day to get things done.


My family. We've got problems, worries, struggles and heartbreaks. But we've also got each other. There are moments amidst the mayhem that sometimes is our life that I know and feel the significance of family. Sometimes I think that's one of the only things keeping me from flying off this swiftly tilting planet.

I just have to tell you my oldest child started his first class at BYU today.

Can you believe that?

I can't.

I love me a good Saturday.

Since I had put the most obvious parts of the house in relative order on Friday, when I came home this morning after spending last night handling my mother's post operative care I had no big plans to be productive. As the rain turned into steady snow I knew it was going to be a perfect day.

All but the two youngest were still asleep when I got home. K~ was curled up in a blanket watching a movie and L~ was on the laptop. The house was quiet and cozy. I went to the grocery store to stock up, knowing I didn't want to go out again today.

I browned and seasoned some cubed beef and threw it in the crockpot with generous amounts of carrots, potatoes and onion for stew, then I wrapped myself in one of my favorite quilts and curled up with Rodin.

I took two naps!

Now I'm shutting myself away in my laundry/quilting room to clear a path to my sewing machine and knock out some quilt blocks. If I can keep my life and my house in better order this year I'm going to reward myself by actually finishing a few projects.

I love me a good Saturday.

Leisure time.

I have really enjoyed the complete lack of any sort of a schedule the past 11 days. Except for going to church mostly on time, we did whatever we did whenever we wanted. And I loved it.

Today the kids go back to school. Fortunately the boys have a late-start day so they can ease into it gently, but my daughter is sleeping through her snooze even as we speak (yes, I've tried to wake her up, but I get yelled at either way and so I will let her deal with the consquences of her own choices). I think I might go back to bed. I'm not quite ready to say good-bye to leisure time just quite yet.

Happy New Year!