It’s been a while since I had anything to say about our ‘beloved’ Saxe-Coburg-Gotha family (AKA the Windsors), but having just read that Willy is to join his ‘ginger spare’ brother as an officer in the polo playing ‘Blues and Royals’ I am unable to resist having a little rant.

Only recently we were treated to pictures of these two ‘Hooray Henrys’ staggering out of a nightclub, and later read that Willy had worn a blue bikini to a party before pissing off to Ibiza with his ‘Sloane Ranger’ girlfriend for yet more partying. 

Then came a statement from a ‘Buck House’ spokesman that Willy was not yet ready for marriage. Can you believe that … “He needs to feel more secure” … Come on! Are we really expected to believe that he thinks that he will have a problem getting a mortgage or paying the electricity bill.

So after a little bit of bad publicity the Palace PR sycophants do what they always do. They run Willy down to the local hospital to have his picture taken cuddling a baby. When his brother was in deep shit they sent him all the way to Africa on a similar mission. These tactics also give the newspapers an opportunity to trot out all their old photographs of their late mother doing her well known impersonation of Mother Teresa.

Now we hear from one of the Palace ‘toadies’ that Willy …  “is to address the wider issues of preparing himself for his future roles”. Like not only being a ‘chinless wonder’ in the Household Cavalry, but also joining the RAF and the Royal Navy. So just like his dad he will be able to dress up in all sorts of uniforms and parade around wearing a chestful of medals  given to him by his grandma.

Speaking of his dad, it has been revealed that this much pampered  prick prince is fond of a boiled egg, so chefs from his personal staff of twentyone butlers, valets and assorted ‘flunkies’ prepare seven eggs, yes seven, each boiled for a different length of time, to ensure that he can pick one which is perfect.

It was once reported that one of Charlie’s valets squeezed his toothpaste onto his toothbrush for him. Do you suppose that one of his butlers…

…..   dips his toasted ‘soldiers’ in his egg for him ?

I have just been reading a report worthy of an ‘April Fools Day’ newspaper prank, for it says that.. “BAE Systems, one of the world’s largest arms manufacturers, is introducing a new generation of environmentally friendly weapons in an effort to minimise the damage that they can do”.

Yes, ‘green’ bullets will have a far lower lead content than traditional bullets, because as BAE say… “lead used in ammunition can harm the environment and pose a risk to people.” Blimey! the last thing that you need is a bullet that poses a risk to people.

There are also plans to manufacture quieter warheads, in an effort to reduce noise pollution. So don’t worry if a missile lands on your house, for it won’t disturb the neighbours.

The Ministry of Defence now says that weapons should be “eco-friendly”, and scientists are working on explosives that can be composted if not needed, grenades that produce less harmful smoke and war planes and fighting vehicles with lower carbon emissions.  

Honestly, I’m not making this up.

I wonder if in some future war, sergeant majors will be replaced by ‘health and safety’ inspectors, tanks will be solar powered, and if every box of ammunition  ….

……  will carry a ‘Health Warning’. 

Blimey! They’re at it again.

Last time they were threatening holy war over some silly cartoons of the Prophet and now they are burning bloody effigies of the Pope because he has quoted some 14th century geezer who spent most of his time fighting off invading Muslims who were hell bent on killing everyone or converting them to Islam. Sounds a bit like the Christian crusaders’ methods to me.

Surely in this day and age we all have a right to scrutinize and criticise any faith without being threatened with ‘fatwas’ and ‘jihads’ or even a smack in the mouth come to that.

I know that most religions like to ‘bump off’ each others followers once in a while and that history is full of holy slayings. If the Bible is to be believed even the Almighty helped out with the occasional massacre, and the Catholic Church’s Holy Inquisition could always be sure of a good crowd turning out for it’s ‘autos da fe’. Even today you only have to turn on the TV news to see the bloody aftermath of some fanatic’s attack on someone who believed in the ‘wrong kind’ of religion.

This idea that a bit of religious death and destruction is somehow OK with whoever your god happens to be is one of the reasons why I am an atheist, and as an atheist I’m happy for people to follow whatever religion they choose provided that they do no harm to others and leave me alone.

I expect that someone will soon be knocking on my door, waving a book and wanting to convert me to their beliefs. As a non-believer I might gently tell them to piss off … but …

…… at least I won’t get violent.