As if it wasn’t dangerous enough to use a mobile phone when driving, a new survey shows that nearly 30% of drivers also send text messages while at the wheel. They are even surfing the net on their smart phones.

Now I was driving a car long before cell phones, satnavs and even parking meters were invented and have seen some truly crazy people behind many a steering wheel. I’ve seen ladies fixing their hair and touching up their makeup. I’ve seen men shaving and plucking their eyebrows. I’ve seen truck drivers reading newspapers, cabbies doing crossword puzzles and ‘white van men’ eating their lunch (with a knife and fork). I’ve seen couples fighting and couples kissing; and once, when a car pulled up next to me in a motorway traffic jam, I glanced across at a young man, with a goofy look on his face, who seemed to be alone in his car, until, suddenly, a young lady’s head appeared from below the level of the steering wheel. She looked rather flushed and her hair resembled an explosion in a mattress factory… Umm! … I guess that she must have dropped something under the seat and had been searching for it.   😉

OK, so it’s easy to make light of a very serious subject, and I feel that strong penalties should be imposed on those who endanger us all with their stupid behaviour when driving, including a fine for the bloke in your rear view mirror who always seems to be  …

… picking his nose !

In a new book written by childcare “experts” it says that babies now have “schedules that are as important as those of adults”. Some tiny tots even attend classes most days, such as … baby music, baby yoga, baby gym, baby singing, baby salsa (I’m not making this up), baby language and baby swimming.

One of the authors of the book, Sylvie Hétu, claims that pushy parents are encouraged by health workers and nursery staff who constantly attempt to interfere in children’s lives from birth.

Of course I have not read the book, but I must say that I am a bit confused, for Ms. Hétu seems to condemn all these trendy methods of  “bonding” and seeks to protect these infants from “too much stimulation”, when she herself is an “infant massage instructor”.

I’m afraid that it all seems like a load of old baby bollocks to me, but I was pleased to read that, although it is no longer “cool”, singing traditional lullabies such as “Baa Baa Black Sheep” is still considered to be one of the best ways of bonding with your child.

“Baa Baa Black Sheep” … Shock ! .. Horror ! .. Surely that should be “Rainbow Sheep” !

She’ll be telling us next that it’s OK to let our babies …

…  cuddle a Gollywog !     😉

I believe that the Apostle Paul warned against turning Christian church services into sideshows, fearing that an unbeliever, who walked in on one, would think that the believers were out of their minds.

Well he would have gone ‘apeshit’ if he had viewed The National Geographic channel the other evening when they showed one of the best religious nutter shows that I have seen in a long time. It was called .. “Pint Sized Preachers” .. and featured three bible bashing young people, one of whom claimed to cure the sick simply by touching them.

The star of the show was a four year old named Kanon Tipton, from Grenada in Mississippi, who has been dubbed .. “The World’s Youngest Preacher”.. and who “wages war on sinners in the name of Jesus” .. or rather, he precociously imitates his dad and grandad, just as any kid of his age would, except that his family are pulpit thumping Pentacostal preachers who spend their time haranguing their looney congregations in the name of The Lord. That is, of course, when they are not falling about and “speaking in tongues”, or shouting “Hallelujah !” as they count all those donated ‘greenbacks’ for God.

Now, just before we jump to condemn young Kanon’s parents and shout .. “child abuse!” .. and .. “brain washing!”, perhaps we should all remember that, all over the world, on special days, very young children are beside their parents in places of worship mumbling and whispering what they have been taught. They cannot possibly understand what they are saying, and neither does …

…  that little boy in Grenada, Mississippi !

It is said that, once upon a time, a clever press agent hired a bunch of teenage girls to scream when a young ‘crooner’ named Frank Sinatra appeared on stage. This form of mass hysteria soon caught on for real, and ever since the performances of popular singers and groups have often been drowned out by the screams of their fans.

OK, so I know that over the years we have become familiar with the orchestrated audience ’participation’ which we copied from American TV shows, but recently it seems to have taken on a new lease of life, for now it would seem that we are fast becoming a nation of uncontrolable screamers, and if you dare to turn on your television on any night of the week, you will inevitably find yourself, at some point, reaching for the mute button on your remote as an audience erupts into screams and yells over … what ?

Well almost anything, or so it would seem. The efforts of every gormless quiz contestant, has-been ‘reality’ show performer, brain dead game show competitor, third rate talent show ‘wannabe’ and so-called ‘celeb’ seem to rate the same ecstatic reaction from the morons who make up their studio audience.                                                                                                  
I must explain that I am not an expert on this phenomenon, as about five minutes is my limit when it comes to watching such crap, but it does piss me off when even semi-serious magazine programmes such as the BBC’s ‘The One Show’ has the few people who inhabit it’s studio overreacting everytime a guest is introduced by the show’s hosts.

The main TV channels on a Saturday night are awash with hours of truly unbelievable trash which I presume the majority of viewers want to see. I have a horrible vision of living rooms across the country where whole families are leaping about screaming in front of their 55″ TV screens.

The other evening my remote took me, by mistake, to a show where a huge audience was jumping up and down and screaming their heads off nonstop. Over what I have no idea, and I’m pretty certain … 

…  that neither did they !