Since April, we had been anxiously awaiting mid-August. We
were set to close on our house on the 13th and I was due the 26th. It was going
to be a close call but we confidently plowed ahead.
Lots of people had asked what we would do if he came early, and
I just smiled and would say "I'm sure it'll all work out" and
simultaneously think "he won't."
The night before closing I was so uncomfortable...back
ache, joint pain, just uncomfortable. I got like 3 hours of sleep. I felt like
I was in the twilight zone. Then closing day came. It was so exciting! After
the closing, I noticed that I had a pretty significant back ache but since we'd
been frantically packing in preparation for the movers, I had a reason. The
movers arrived at 3:00. I directed and followed them with the vacuum. The
back ache was just annoying and would not go away! I was so tired and sore and
just ready for the day to be done. The movers took a while to unload the truck
and I instructed them where to put boxes and furniture but didn't really DO
anything. I was now even more tired. All I could seem to do was rub my back and
sit down, completely exhausted.
Finally the truck was unloaded and we were going to spend the
night in our first house. I got our bed ready and the bathroom and was going to
take a shower and head to bed. Unfortunately as I started to get the shower
ready, we realized there was an issue with our gas and we had NO hot water.
BUMMER!! But I was so tired, I crawled into bed - our clean-sheeted bed and
called it a night at 10:30.
Baby was kicking like he never had moved before! I enjoyed my
pregnant self and drifted to sleep. I woke up at about 12:15 and felt
very in tune with my belly (which seemed random). Then, I was soaked!!!!
"Uh oh, this HAS to be a joke!" is what went through my mind. I
woke up my husband and told him I was pretty sure my water just broke. He also
said something to the effect of "you're kidding right?" I told him to
stay in bed and try to rest because who how long it would be before my
contractions would start. I went to the bathroom hoping to realize I just
really peed my pants. Nope, my water definitely broke. I cleaned up and tried
to follow the same advice I had given Ross and get some rest.
About 15 minutes later my contractions started. They were pretty
strong and I wasn't sure how long this labor would actually be. I called the
midwives after hours line and talked to a phone someone... She asked me a
variety of seemingly unimportant questions like my blood type and results to
labs I had. Shouldn’t this information be in their computer somewhere? She
didn't ask the "important" questions like, "what time did it
break?" I was frustrated too because I wanted to stay at home as
long as I could but starting out with a ruptured bag of waters doesn't put me
in the best position for that (or in regard to other interventions). Luckily
though, this time I was able to speak up for myself without fear. When the gal
said "you need to come in because your water broke" I just said,
"no, I'd like to stay at home for a while. Can you just have the midwife
call me?" though clearly confused, she obliged. Tina, the midwife who I
didn't know as well was on call.
I called my dear friend Becca (another birth junkie) and we had
a good chat about how this couldn't be happening and what would come next. Then
my phone rang and it was Susan, the midwife I had seen for almost all my
prenatal visits! Tina knew we had a history and she called Susan. Susan came in
for me...just for me! Talk about support!! She said I was right, I should stay
home and to just call her when I was headed in. We hung up and I tried to go
back to bed. I called my mom who would be there with me this time and out of
her tired stupor, she got going.
My contractions were coming about every 3 or so minutes and were
like 45 seconds long (just as they had begun in my labor with Jude). I couldn't
sleep. I was resting but not as much as I knew would be helpful. Ross couldn't
sleep either. I thought maybe at this point I could have a bath...but then
remembered we had no hot water. Maybe I could boil some water and add it to a
cold tub ... But I had no idea where my pots and pans were. No bath I guess!
I started aimlessly wandering around the house like a chicken
with my head cut off. Not doing anything but too restless to sit still. I
packed my hospital bag before we moved so I pulled that out and began to take
everything out and try to repack it. About half way through, I put everything
back in and decided I was going to trust my non-laboring self to have done a
decent job packing, and I gave up on repacking my bags.
I wanted something to eat but
we didn’t have anything in the house except a bag of chocolate chip cookies
that my mother-in-law had sent over with Ross. Though her cookies are
delicious, it wasn’t exactly what I needed to nourish myself, but it got the
job sort of done. All of the wandering through the house must have picked
things up because with each contraction, I was getting more ready to get to the
hospital … all I had in mind was the promise of a nice warm tub! I called to
check on where my Mom was. Not close enough. I was starting to get irritable
and was ready to head in. She decided to meet us there.
I told Ross I was ready to
go. In man-land, this means, “get your butt in the car right this second or I’m
having the baby on your new floors.” In labor-land, this meant (to me), “ok
honey, we should probably start gathering our things, make sure we check and
double check that we have everything, and make our way to the car.” Man-land
and labor-land were not in sync just then and I remember needing to leave a
light on in our house and going over and over which one it would be. Ross
remembers that the baby was about to be born and I couldn’t stop talking about
turning a light on. Hahah – we laugh now.
We drove the 5 minutes to the
hospital at about 2:45 am and I had about 2 or 3 contractions in the car. We
parked and began walking into the ER entrance and I had 2 or 3 on the way in.
My mom pulled up right as we were walking in. She had mentioned to me before
that she was a little nervous to be helping me through labor and I assured her
she would be a great support. The first contraction she “experienced” was as we
were walking up to the hospital. She asked me what she should do. I thought, don’t bother me with such questions and
what I said was, “get rid of your gum!” and held onto my husband through the
next one. She got the groove pretty quick. J We were taken upstairs and to a room. The gal
checking me in told me to put on a gown. I said, “no thanks, I’ll wear my own
clothes.” She said, “no, you need to wear a gown.” I asked why and she
explained that I needed to be accessible for the midwife to check me. I said
that I would wear a skirt without anything underneath it and then followed, “is
that ok?” She rolled her eyes and agreed and I was happy to be wearing my own
clothes. My amazing midwife Susan came in and was as warm and loving as could
be. The check-in gal made sure to tell Susan the story of the non-gown-wearing
and Susan said, “ok, I don’t care” and looked at me as if to say “what’s her
issue?” I knew then, even more than I had already known, that Susan was just
the right person to deliver this baby and help me through my labor.
By 3:30 am when I was first
checked, I was 5 cm dilated and 100% effaced and baby was at a 0 station.
Alright, we were making good progress! I looked at the clock and wondered how
much longer it would be before I met our son. My cervix was pretty posterior
though so Susan had to sort of, pull it forward. That was not very comfortable.
But we moved on and my contractions were in a good pattern. I spent the next
few hours between the lovely tub (jetted I might add) and sitting on the
toilet. Though it’s a position I teach, the benefits of sitting on the toilet
became a reality to me. With each contraction, I felt the baby move down and my
cervix open. Each time, Ross rubbed my neck and back and encouraged me and I
buried my face into my Mom’s chest and she held me tight (seems appropriate in
a circle-of-life kind of way looking back).
I remember sitting in the
tub, Ross at my side and my mom at my feet, thinking that I wasn’t doing a good
enough job breathing through my contractions. I think I said, “I’m not doing
what I teach!” I began to focus more and more on moving positions and
breathing. I began to get nauseous and I said, “Ok, I think I’m getting close
to transition.” I’d been there before and I knew what to expect…. Except not at
all.
Susan checked me and I was
about an 8. I knew that I’d start to have the urge to push soon. Contractions
passed and I felt like things had kind of stopped. I was getting restless. I
was so tired. I was so ready to be done with this already. My contractions
changed and every ounce of labor I now felt in my back. We all knew the culprit
– baby had rotated and was posterior. “NOOOOO!” I thought. This baby has to
turn. I think I then took a moment to look back on my entire pregnancy and list
off all the times I reclined on the couch when I should’ve sat on a birthing
ball or something. Leave it to me to be critical of myself in labor! We also
all knew that in order to move things along and bring this baby down, I’d need
to do a lot of movement. Susan had me do 2 contractions on my right, 2 on my
left, and 2 on hands and knees. In between these, I was lunging around the
room.
It felt like I would make
progress and then take steps back. I would have several contractions that were
2 minutes long and just a few seconds apart and then I would get a 7 minute break
and have a shorter one. God was loving on me in those moments – I couldn’t have
lasted without those longer breaks. Neither could Ross nor my Mom I don’t
think. The only way I was making it through those intense back-labor
contractions was to have either of them do the double hip squeeze on me (pulled
the top of my hip bones together to make my pelvis bigger). This is a hard job
for a 2 minute contraction. I could feel Ross’ body shaking by the end of each
one. They were such troopers though!
Between each contraction I
would look out the window at the helipad and the sun coming up and wonder how
many more I would have to do before this baby would arrive.
Finally, after lunging again
through the room, I had a good one – and I needed to push! 3 hours after I
began the long transition to pushing, I had finally made it there! Everyone
came into the room. I remember Susan checking me and I still had a little lip
of my cervix left. With the next push, she would move it out of the way. Boy,
that was a game changer! I was instantly taken back to having Jude. There is no
way to describe the sensation of birthing a baby – no greater urge, no greater
intensity. And even in the midst of being so in tune with my physical self, I
was in awe at the wonderful design of all of this. My body was changing shape,
opening up to allow a new human to join us. What an amazing (and rather
uncomfortable) privilege.
The difference this time
though, was that pushing did not bring with it the sense of relief that it had
when I had Jude. With every contraction I became scared and didn’t want to do
the work that was required of me. Maybe it was because I was scared of needing
the repair I had needed the first time. Maybe I was just too tired. I don’t
know. But I do remember thinking, “If I have to have a c-section that’d be fine
because this would just be all over.” It’s funny to me though that asking for
pain medication never crossed my mind, but having major abdominal surgery
seemed perfectly logical at the time. Hahha. Anyway, it didn’t matter because I
pushed through three contractions and he was here! (and not posterior).
Titus James was a reality! He
was SO covered in vernix – my 38 week and 1 day baby hadn’t had time to get rid
of it yet. He was placed immediately on my tummy and stayed with me for about
2-3 hours after he was born. He was beautiful! He had really long fingernails,
totally had my big toes and did not have as much hair as I was expecting. He
was perfect! …and my “long” labor was over 7 hours after it began!
We waited until his cord
stopped pulsating before Ross cut it. About 15 minutes later, the placenta
came. There were spots of calcifications, a blood clot the size of a lemon
under the membrane, and the cord was right on the edge of the placenta. Titus
had made it just fine but I think he knew that he was going to do better on the
outside than he would’ve on the inside. This also, or so it seems, could
explain why I had stopped growing at 35 weeks. I’m so happy that those things
didn’t become, or weren’t, major issues like it seems like they could’ve been!
He nursed like an amazing
champ right away. He stayed with me for his entire first day. He didn’t even
get a bath until the day we went home (hospital policy but very cool in my
mind). Surprisingly, I felt amazing! I didn’t get shaky, I didn’t feel faint, I
didn’t feel overwhelmed (all of those I expected because that’s how it went
with Jude). I felt and still feel great!
I still am in awe at the
wonderful help I had – Ross, my Mom, Susan, my nurses. Everyone was so helpful
and there’s no way I could’ve done it without them. Ross never stopped
encouraging me. I was so nervous this time because I didn’t feel prepared – I
wasn’t ready to have him and I had barely given a second thought to how I would
cope with labor. But Ross brought me through. My mom did everything possible to
help me and would do it right away. She was a great support! Susan was in my
room the entire time. I was so humbled that she came in to deliver my baby when
she could’ve been sleeping away. What a wonderful woman!
Titus is a wonderful baby. He
is mellow and cuddly and just plain sweet. I can’t hold him enough, kiss him
enough, or smell him enough. I can’t wait to see how he grows up!
Meeting Baby Brother
Midwife Susan
Just after his bath!
