A Week At A Glance

I've become such a terrible blogger!  Seriously- posting just once a week when I have posts and thoughts galore in my head!  Maybe things will be better now that school has started back up and I'm in more of a daily routine.  I guess time will tell.

So what have I been up to lately?  Lots!  I thought I'd give you a brief (or not so brief) update on lots of different things.

Demolition Derby: DH and I attended my first ever demolition derby.  Have you every been to one?  Seriously, it is wild and so red-neckish, but I enjoyed it.  These junker cars are fixed up, so that they can run in a dirt/mud pit.  When the time starts, it's a free for all with drivers smashing into whichever car they want.  The winner is the last car still running.  The drivers wear helmets and have a little safety gear on, and the mud makes it so that they can't ever get going that fast, but it's still crazy to watch.

 Here you see some of the cars going at each other.

 This station wagon had seen better days by the time the round was over.

 This car even started on fire.

Sugar free jam: I took a class on how to make sugar free jam.  It's seriously so easy to do and healthy since there's no extra sugar added. I love the sugar-free jam on my plain 'ol oatmeal in the morning, so I'm hoping to try what I learned in the class and make some of my own jam.

Final Canyon Drive: DH and I took one last drive up the canyon to our favorite wildflower spot before school started.  We went up 4 times this past month, which is the most we've ever gone up.  Each time we went up, the flowers were just slightly different and each time we managed to see at least one new species that we hadn't seen before.

The sunflowers were (and still are) our in full force.

 Stopping on our drive up.

 (Indian?) paintbrush near the lake.

 The hillsides were still thick with a variety of flowers in full bloom.

P+7 Blood draw: It's been months since I've done a P+7 blood draw because I haven't taken Clomid this whole year and I knew I wasn't ovulating much at all (darn PCOS).  In fact, the last time that I feel really confident that I ovulated was in January!  Hello. It's a little hard to get pregnant if my body is not ovulating. I'm actually getting close to going back on Clomid again (just 25 mg), but I felt like I did ovulate this past month, so I wanted to see what my numbers were this month and....they were great!!  I was so surprised.  On P+6, my progesterone was 16 and my estradiol was 136.  It actually looks like I ovulated on my own this month- yay!  That's so exciting for a PCOS girl. Now I'm P+11 and waiting to see what happens.  I can't help but have hope and wonder if this might be my month.  Ahh...hope...such a dangerous thing.

The Two Previous Augusts: Part of my reason for extra hope this month is because I can't stop thinking about late August/early September of the previous two years.  You see, it was around this exact time last year and the year before that we conceived.  Two pregnancies around the same time...nearly one year apart.  I can't help but wonder is the 3rd time a charm?  But I don't feel any pregnancy signs, so I'm trying not to think about this too much.

High Eosinophiles: You may remember in early August I took part in a research study to examine the microflora in my gut.  I'm still waiting to receive the stool sample results back, but I did receive the blood work and everything is fine except I had high levels of eosinophiles!  My EOS was 10% out of a range of 0-7 and my EOS (absolute) was 0.5 x 10E3/ul out of a range of 0.0-0.4.  I emailed my Napro dr. the results and he said we'd retest that again when I see him in 3 weeks, but now I'm wondering what else is wrong with me (parasite, allergy, tumor, etc.). Any thoughts or other tests I should have him run on me?

Women's Retreat: This past Friday I drove to the big city for a women's retreat.  I couldn't get anyone from my church to go, so I ended up meeting a lady down there and we went together. The retreat was focused on 1 Peter 1: When Jesus Christ is Revealed and was held Friday night and Saturday morning.  It was just what I needed- time gathered with women, singing, and learning together.  It was so refreshing for my soul and it was lead by my favorite women's author and speaker.

School Begins: This week classes started up again, and so far I'm really liking my classes.  I'm teaching a low-level writing class with just 5 students in it so far.  I walked in the first day and all the students were sitting in the front row, and I thought to myself, this is going to be a beautiful class with hard-working students.   I'm also teaching a lower level speaking class that has 16 in it so far, but that also is a really reasonable number of students.  I think this is going to be a good semester (and hopefully one with low stress)!

So- that's some of what I've been up to lately.  All sorts of random things!  Hopefully, you'll hear from me again before another week goes by!

Music and the Soul

I don't know about you, but Christian music has this amazing power to calm me, heal my pain, and give me hope.  That's one of the reasons why I usually only listen to some type of Christian music.  I need the reminders of hope, peace, and comfort spoken (in this case sung) to my soul.

At home, I try to take time to listen to Christian music (like a mini-meditation time).  Usually it just amounts to 15-20 minutes of focused listening with my ipod in.  I try to meditate on the words and speak them to my heart, and I often just sit down and relax while I listen.  I don't do this every day, but I would like if I made the time to.

In the car, I also listen to the one Christian radio station that comes in or various Christian CDs I have.  My drive to work is short (10 minutes), but I love starting off my morning with Christian words and tunes in my head.  It just seems to be a good way to start off the day.

There have been two songs I've come across recently that have really been speaking to my soul.  I share them because perhaps they will speak to yours as well.  Have any of you heard this song before?  It's called "You Are In Control" by Michael Bahn from his album "Pure."  I think I came across it on i-tunes from the Genius feature.

Here are the words typed out for you:

I know You have a plan for me

I don't always understand or see...

...the way You're holding on to me

The way You work in everything

My life is in Your hands

In every circumstance

My God, I know that You are in control

When faith is running out and my heart is full of doubt

Somehow I know that You are in control

Repeat both

I know that You are good and Your mercy endures

You are good and Your mercy endures

You are good and Your mercy endures

forever.... forever....

Repeat

You are in control

This songs speaks reminders to me that God is on control.  I may not be in my dream profession of motherhood and some days I wonder if I ever will, so the reminder that God is on control is one I need every day.

The other song is "Worth the Wait" by 33 Miles.  It's more of a put the sunroof down and jam type of song.  You can listen to it below and I've also listed the lyrics for you to read.

I can see your heart is yearning

Everything is so unclear

Is the answer ever coming

After all these years

It’s not an easy feeling

Sometimes it seems unfair

But He knows just what He’s doing

With unanswered prayers

So hold on....

It’s worth the wait

Just keep believing

God has perfect timing

Never early, never late

It takes a little patience

And it takes a lot of faith

But it’s worth the wait

What if what you’re desperate for

Isn’t what you really need

What if there was something more

Than what you dreamed

We may not always see

We may not understand

But He knows just what He’s doing

He’s got a bigger plan

So hold on.....

CHORUS

In His time, you’ll be fine

All this waiting, now, is by design

CHORUS

In His time, you’ll be fine

All this waiting, now, is by design

I also like this song because it speaks volumes to where I'm at now.  It's been at least 3 1/2 years of wanting and hoping for a child, and while we've faced 2 miscarriages, my arms are still open waiting to hold a child of ours.  This song gives me hope that all of this waiting will be worth it in God's perfect time.  It also makes me think of this lovely blogger and the perfect timing of when she received her adopted son.  God's timing is perfect.  It's not early and it's not late, but it will be worth the wait and the waiting, in fact, is part of God's design.  I have learned so much during this time of waiting and my character has been refined to be more like Jesus. It has been a slow, painful process, but in the end, it will be worth it.

Both songs have a lot of repetition, but sometimes that's nice for someone like me that needs to pound the idea into my head...God is in control....It's worth the wait...

Another School Year is About to Begin

Time has been flying by and I don't have much to show for it.  So much for posting flower pictures or Russia photos.  It's crazy!  I don't know where the week went.  I head back to work next week to get everything ready and then classes start August 29th.  I can't believe another school year is starting.  I love my job and I love the international students that I teach, but somehow I thought I'd be in a different place in life by now.  I know many of you feel the same way.

I've been in my department in some capacity for 7 1/2 years now and have truly appreciated the opportunity to use my Master's degree in a position that I feel qualified for and enjoy. I have learned so much from the time I started as a TA and then as I worked my way up to part-time teaching and then full-time teaching.  I have gained much experience in the world of academia as I've learned from more seasoned teachers and as I've had the opportunity to teach most of the skills and levels in our program.  I've had the opportunity to travel internationally once and I've also been able to present at regional and national conferences as a result of my job.

Truly, my job has been a blessing from God.  I recognize that and have recognized it from the beginning. Just given the sheer small size of our town, I know there aren't any other opportunities to do what I love with my degree and get paid what I feel I should be paid.  That is definitely a God-arranged work appointment.  And, I've been so thankful for a salary with which we were able to pay off our students loans and our car loans.  We've positioned ourselves financially so that I won't have to return to work immediately after having a child, and when I do, it will only be part-time.  Again, for that I am thankful.

Last school year I made the difficult decision to transition from full-time work to part-time work.  It meant a serious pay cut, but was a decision I felt God was calling me to as a way to lower my stress and begin transitioning into a new role- motherhood.  I always thought I would work full-time until we had kids, so it was a hard decision to make.  After I made that decision, however, we found out we were expecting (for the 2nd time) and I was over the moon with excitement.  I was so ready for the transition away from work and to motherhood.  And yet, that pregnancy quickly ended and I trudged ahead working part-time (30 hours/week) and found out I loved the extra 10 or so hours a week I had.  I also found out that we were able to get by with the significant cut in my pay and we even were able to continue our savings goals!

So it was a no brainer for me to continue with my part-time work this school year, but my heart still aches for the transition to motherhood.  I am so ready to be done with work.  Again, not because I don't love my job or students, but because my job is temporary in my mind.  I feel like it's something for me to do while we wait for our family to grow.  I don't know if I'll ever return to work after we have a child in the home, but I have the possibility of teaching a class or two should I desire that.

And so perhaps that's why I've been unproductive and somewhat unmotivated...I'm dragging my feet as yet another school year begins. I can look back and recall these same feelings of wanting a transition for the past three school years.  As I head into this next school year, I can't help but wonder (as I have in the past), will this be my last year of teaching for awhile?  Only God knows, but my heart sure continues to hope that it is.

Quick Takes (6)

1. I'm so excited for summer prayer buddies!  It's fun to have someone else to pray for during this summer time and this time around I have someone I already know, so I can regularly comment on her blog as I always do without her knowing I'm her prayer buddy!  This is great.  Last time I participated, I had a new blogger for my prayer buddy, which was so neat to get to know someone else, but I couldn't comment until the revealing since I was a new blogger to her and didn't want her finding out it was me.

2. DH and I got up early this morning to go in for the final day of our microflora gut research study.  We got to drop off our stool samples (that was a fun, new experience yesterday) and get our blood drawn.  Now we just wait for our test results. I'm so glad DH participated with me.  It makes being a research subject that much more enjoyable.

3. My blood pressure was 90/55 this morning when they took it for the study. We had been fasting for 12 hours, but that seems extremely low, doesn't it? The first reading was actually 85/50, but they throw that one out and record the next two.  The girl couldn't believe how low it was and the plebotomist was surprised it was that low because she had no problem collecting 3 vials of blood from my arm.  I usually have low blood pressure (90-110/60-80), but now I'm starting to wonder if that's an actual medical diagnosis?  Everyone always congratulates me on how low my blood pressure is, but I'm starting to wonder if it's connected to my fatigue?  Hormones?  Thyroid? Adrenals?  Anyone know?  I've asked my Napro Dr. about if before, but he didn't seem too concerned.  Do I have a heart problem I should look into? 

4. Afterwards, DH and I headed up to our favorite mountain lake that I wrote about from last week.  We were off to see what the wildflowers looked like one week later, and we noticed a big difference.  Some of the flowers that were in abundance last week (the Columbines and Lupines) had died off and now there were new varieties. At one point while we were walking around the lake, we just stopped and counted the number of different wildflowers we saw right there.  It was over 15! All in all, I think we saw over 20 different types of wildflowers.  I haven't looked at the pictures I took yet, but I'm hoping I have some beauties.

5. Tonight we're going to pick-up our 2nd CSA order of free-range chickens.  We get 2 fresh chickens each month for 6 months.  We'll freeze one of them and cook the other one fresh this weekend.  Yummy.  They are so juicy.  We need to decide if we want the hearts, livers, and feet of our chickens too.  What do you think?

6. DH and I are thinking of heading over to the county fair tonight to check out the exhibits.  He was surprised that I suggested it, since I usually don't enjoy that type of thing, but I'm turning into a small town/country girl I think.  He's the one who grew up on a farm in the South while I grew up in the suburbs of a Midwest city.  I thought the rodeo would be fun tonight as well, but he wasn't interested. I'm holding out then for the demolition derby next week:-)  I've never been to one and I think that's about to change.

7. Tomorrow is pick-up day for our Bountiful Basket, which means lots of fresh fruits and veggies for cheap.  It's also the Farmer's Market tomorrow, and I'm going to get some more of this fabulous gourmet jam that is all natural and virtually sugar free.  It tastes amazing in my plain 'ol oatmeal in the morning.

Enjoy the weekend, everyone! Head on over to Jen's for more Friday Quick Takes.

In Bullet Points

Bullet points because I'm too lazy to connect all of my thoughts/experiences about a variety of random things.  I know you are still waiting on Russia updates, but I'm still sorting through and processing from that trip, so bear with me.  I'll try and have some Russia things for you soon.

1. Last week was our week of eating out.  We were given a bunch of restaurant gift certificates for our anniversary, so we decided to use all of them up last week before I jumped back into my food intolerance diet.  It was so nice not to have too cook much and to have leftovers, but that just made it that much harder to jump back into my diet, which requires I cut out gluten, casein, sugar, eggs, and almonds.

2. I mentioned being in somewhat of a funk, so DH and I decided to head up the canyon for a wildflower hike last Friday.  We thought it might be too early for the peak viewing time because of how cold and rainy our spring was.  We were right, but we still enjoyed seeing some new sights from the beginning of the wildflower season.  Here are a few photos:

As we were driving up to our favorite spot, we caught a glimpse of snow leftover from winter!  Can you believe it?  It was August 5th and there was still snow on the very top peaks.  Amazing.

Our favorite spot involves walking around this lake.  We love it because it's not too far (less than 2 miles), but you get to see such a wide variety of flowers from the beginning point to the end.  It's incredible the different diversity that we see as we walk around.

 Indian Paintbrush was in bloom.

 As were Columbines.  I love their wispy tails on the back end.

I've seen Columbine before when we've been up, but it must be an early season wildflower because the Columbine was thick this time.  I always thought it grew on a single stem like the above picture, so I was shocked when I saw 3 or more blooms on the same stem.  I don't know if you can see that here or not.

We literally saw fields full of Columbine.  It was great as it was a new sight for us because we usually wait to go up to the mountain lake until the flowers have peaked.  This was pre-peak, but it was still good.

 I loved all the different colors we saw- the blues of the Lupine, the white from the Columbine, red from Indian Paintbrush, there was pink from Sticky Geranium, yellow from mule's ear, and more.  I always appreciate the distraction from life (and IF) by going into nature and taking pictures.  I love God's handiwork and creativity!  Dh said he's taking me up to the lake again this weekend to see if more flowers have come out, and I'm thinking they will have because we saw so many buds just waiting to open.  I can't wait!

3. Friday night we also went to see a show because we got 1/2 price tickets.  Can't beat that price.  We saw "South Pacific" and they started off with a 91 year old WWII veteran leading the audience in the Pledge of Allegiance.  It had me in tears as I thought of my grandfather who pass away in November as he was also a WWII veteran.  I thought of how I'll no longer be able to hear his stories from the war.

4. DH's little sister gave birth on Sunday, which put a damper on my otherwise good weekend.  I should be happy she chose life for her child, but somehow it just seems so unfair that God has blessed her with 2 children now as she continues to live with her abusive boyfriend.  She claims he won't allow her to have either of the kids baptized.  I don't know if that's true or just her excuse, but I can't help but think of their eternal destiny at the moment.

5. Dh and I gave our Russia presentation Sunday after church and it went really well.  We ended up talking for 30 minutes about our trip and people had lots of questions and comments afterwards, which makes me think they were really interested in what we had to say.

6. All this week I've been taking pictures and recording everything I've eaten because I've been participating in a research study.  The study examines the microflora in your gut, so I get to finish the study tomorrow with a stool sample and bloodwork on Friday.  Is it nerdy that I'm excited to get the results back from the bloodwork and stool sample?  I'm hoping maybe I'll learn something new about my gut or the inflammation in my body as a result of the test results I'll get (for free!).

7. Fall feels like it is right around the corner here. Our daytime temperatures are still in the upper 80's, but overnight it's been dipping down into the low 50s!  It makes for great, free air-conditioning overnight as we open up our windows and cool the house down, but I'm afraid fall is coming early.  I even saw a few of the trees in town starting to turn yellow and it's only mid-August.  I have a bad feeling fall will come early and winter will last long.  I hope I'm mistaken.  Maybe the weather will just stay like this for awhile because I absolutely love it.

8. I have found an amazing new way to satisfy my chocolate cravings without sugar.....roasted and ground cacao beans!  Have you heard of them before?  I hadn't until I saw something at a local artisan/specialty grocery store.  I absolutely love chocolate, but haven't been eating any since I'm trying to cut out sugar.  This cacao drink, however, I could not pass up.  Basically, you brew the beans like you do coffee- in a coffee maker or french press.  They smell like milk chocolate, but after they are brewed, the drink has a much softer, milder taste.  You can add milk, sugar, or coffee to your drink to change it up, but I just drank the beans brewed black.  It was so good and satisfying and evidently, the company claims the beans to be extremely high in antioxidants.  It's low in calories and has no sugar, no fat, no dairy, no sodium, and no cholesterol.  Intrigued like I was?  Try it out. The one I bought is called Crio Bru, but I'm sure there are other brands of roasted cacao beans as well.

9. Finally, I'm back seeing a chiropractor again.  I have a love/hate relationship with chiropractors.  I love being adjusted and feeling better, but I hate the fees and treatment programs they try to get you signed up for.  Our budget doesn't allow for that.  It's actually been over a year since I've seen a chiropractor, and my lower back and neck were in serious disarray (guess where I carry my stress?).  So off I went to a new chiropractor.  If I could find one that did acupuncture, I'd definitely be excited. I've had 2 adjustments this week and feel amazingly better already, but he tells me I have a terrible curve in my neck (only 1% and it should be 18-20%) and am starting to get bone spurs in my neck already.  I do believe it because my grandmother has battled back pain for years, has numerous bone spurs, and has had back surgery a few times.  But I know he's going to try to sell me on a regular treatment program, and I'm just not sure I want to invest the money into that, but then I think....the 1st time we got pregnant I was being treated for my lower back by a chiropractor.  I wonder if there was any connection??

Phew- I had a lot of updates.  Congrats if you read your way through.  I can't wait for Prayer Buddies to start tomorrow.  I'm anxiously awaiting my assignment!

Lacking Motivation

Well, I've been back in the US for 6 days now and am adjusting back to the time change.  Melatonin has become my best friend.  Seriously, where was Melatonin 10 years ago when I was living in Asia and traveling back and forth?  It is amazing and so much better than Tylenol PM or other sleep aids.  I've slept mainly through the night and have woken up refreshed (not groggy or hung-over feeling like the other sleep aids do).  This is my new wonder drug for traveling- not that I have any more trips planned, but still.

The adjustment back has been hard.  I'm seriously lacking motivation to do much of anything.  It could be slight depression- coming down off of the high from our trip,  CD 1 that started this week, the environment in which we live, the fact that DH's sister is about ready to give birth to her 2nd child out of wedlock, the news that my little brother and his wife are having a girl, the jealousy that I'm filled with over those two previously mentioned children, the fact I still have brown bleeding this cycle, or it could be a combination of all of the above.

I think it's a combination of everything, but it's still not a pleasant place to be in. I'd much rather still be in Russia, and my DH said the same thing yesterday.  It was nice to be traveling and serving together and not thinking about IF as constantly as I find myself now that I'm home and not yet back to work.

Now that I've aired my complaint list, here's what my daily flip calendar had to say today: "Though your joy may seem fleeting, the Lord is constant."  "Rejoice in the Lord always.  I will say it again: Rejoice!"  Philippians 4:4

The exclamation point at the end of the verse is almost like a command statement- do it (rejoice)!  I'm really trying to look at the positives- of the trip we were able to take together and the encouragement we were able to provide Christian brothers and sisters in Russia.  DH and I are working on a presentation to share with people after church since many at our church supported us with prayers and financial support.  Once we get more of that done, the plan is to update you on our trip. 

So- what do you want to know about the trip?  Do you want just photos and short stories?  Do you want more detailed accounts to read?  Cultural observations?  Let me know and I'll look forward to sharing.