I'm learning Godot again, because if I don't have an educational hobby I'll sink into the earth and perish.

You can play my newest game here!

It's uhhhhh literally just the matching card game from mario bros 3. It's not fancy or anything. I'm just taking the stuff I'm learning and making tiny things to apply them, y'know?

I'm trying to do a bit before work and after work every day. I'm also trying not to fixate on it but it's definitely something I've been putting too much energy in while I bounce back from the nonsense the last month has been so... do your best me.

Finally being smart and making a work account on my computer. I can adjust my main account all I like for when I'm working but then I just have to disable those add-ons when I'm done right... It throws me out of the loop and just makes me stop doing it eventually.

So I'll simply just have an account dedicated to work!! Where there's no excuse on me taking off my website blockers!!

What do I even want to draw...

Every day I wake up and try to get more information and was like, ok 10% won't be the worst I can probably work around this even though it'll impact business for sure.

But it's 35%? I'm pretty sure? I'm sunk. It's over. It's never been more over.

Like, I'm not giving up, I'm going to diversify, take art comms if I can(opened my vgen finally to do a trial run), court more Canadian and international customers, expand stock, look into doing conventions again(the seasons already over though fuck) etc etc, but, like, god damn it!

I ain't qualified for anything else!! I had my more than fair share of retail trauma too, and it's not like there's any jobs available anymore anyways. fuck.

I want to brainstorm all the excuses I can find to use it lmao. Currently started using it for Godot note taking (this would of been insane to have when I was doing python exercises last year) as well as planning out a game concept here n there as I work.

I'd like to use it to compile artist inspirations and fashion sites too heehee. Ohhh I can also use it to track my commission references and information in greater detail and clarity than I can on my work discord server!!

Yayyyy yippeeeee yahooo

I wish anxiety would just, be less??? Thanks??

I've never had someone go REMAKE A DOLL RAHHH I HATE IT!!! I have a damn good track record!!

But sending a comm wip and seeing the ..... is typing.... always increases my stress levels by like 10x lmao. Get over it, just get over it!!!

Everytime I dream of flying to Japan I forget my passport!! Every time!!

Anyways Heaven Official's Blessing is really good actually

It's a pc title from 2001, vintage BL. I miss this art style.

While it's created by Alicesoft's BL branch, it's inherently a SFW game with the ability to toggle on explicit scenes when making a new file (and according to the translator they're all backloaded towards the end). Thanks to this I can finally stream an alicesoft game without fear yippee!!!

Basic premise of a sheltered prince in a peaceful country wanting sooooo badly to experience adventure that he finds a way to convince his protectively bodyguard/childhood best friend to let him try out at the new adventurer's guild in town!

It's a comedy rpg parody game. I'm only 3 hours in and I'm not expecting anything deep, I'm just clapping and enjoying the ride.

If you're familiar with Alicesoft, then the funnest bit is that all the usual Gal Monsters are genderswapped and redesigned as Guy Monsters. They're very cute so far, I'm excited to see them all.

I love being a lil guy exploring dungeons... Show me what's behind those hidden tiles even if it costs me hunger points!!!

So far it doesn't seem very difficult, it's quite kind with you being able to immediately jump down floors and not waste your hunger points on getting back to where you were. I feel this would be fine for even someone with almost no rpg experience to play. It does have time limits to your quests which I know people stress about, but so far they're ridiculously easy. In fact I feel I should be spending my extra time in quests getting more exp before starting a new one, I wonder if I'll regret breezing through? It feels like it'll let me go back to the start of the chapter if I fail even, it doesn't feel like it wants me to have a bad time.

If you're interested you can find Maud's translation Here and a rip of the game Here.
(There's no way to legally purchase a copy that's not used as of now. Alicesoft... put it on DLsite... I'll pay...)

PS. I streamed the first couple hours on Twitch today so if you wanna flick through to get a feel for the game this is really the only thing I can direct you to lmao. This vod will self destruct in 2 weeks so sorry future gamers.

Anyways I deleted that idle game I was too absorbed into. It was always active/idle but going for the second Ending Scenario it just became a fucking pure idle grind. Go away I'm bored of you now.

Trying to cut down social media time, again, because it always creeps back in!!! "You talk about this so much" Yeah bitch I'm addicted to reading text and seeing art aren't we all??? I HAVE cut it down significantly the last year but any amount is too much for me at this point. I'm a life long relapser.

Anyways I'm still fighting tummy ache disease. It's much less today, it's enough to know it's there but not enough to get in my way of focusing on other things. A solid 1/10 now. I feel like I freed myself of PMDD and instead it's shifted to a 50% chance of post-period tummy ache for a fucking week disease. Ugh

I'll survive! I'll survive! I have no choice but to survive!!!!

I still really like this Darren sprite, I should go back to practicing pixel art honestly...

I increased my knowledge of html... and with the power of realizing I could just trace and remix some Irasutoyas since that shit's essentially free use, that I could do anything yahoo!!!

I'm slowly making this space my own... just a widdle here and there!!! Baby steps!

I gotta start tracking what I eat... I'm realizing my lil treat meal for when I'm doing well (fried chicken) is actually knocking me on my ass and costing me a day 2 days later. I've been eating a lot better overall so it's easier to pinpoint the things causing me major trouble. I'd like to figure out the ones causing me smaller troubles too but this is a big step at least!!! Maybe it's causing me more issues BECAUSE I've been eating so much better. (possibly)

I can have more leniency in my focus and hobbie after I'm caught up. I'm zen, I'm in the space, I'm getting my job done and not looking at greener grass.

So of course the tweens who loudly play out there all evening have decided to dedicate this afternoon to taking the wooden planks and table legs left behind and pound them on? an ironing board? I can't really tell.

It's sounded like a damn construction crew outside my apartment all day!!!

Once the head is done it should all come together but damn... It's just frustrating. Ah well.

I'm feeling better at least. My head isn't made of cotton candy and my body seems to be in a happier state this week, so I'm not bouncing around restlessly anymore. I do keep taking breaks to go finish MAMIYA but I'm able to pull myself back to work! That's victory baby!!

As long as I can maintain balance, it'll be all right.

As long as I'm not wasting my damn time staring at social media it'll be all right.

I guess the big issue with the previous one was that I was using komments and had to go through the process of making a unique comments box for every post. It made the process feel a lot more bloated and bothersome for little gain

Now I just go yay yippee yahoo!!!!

I might make a guest book/singular comments page for this blog but I'm not fussed. I'm in my lane, thriving. If you're checking my page, thanks for checking in!

The big issue is discord... It's rough when your primary means of communication with friends is also a vortex of mini forums.

I stayed up too late reading MAMIYA and crept into the dark hours past 1am. Being up this late makes my anxiety flare up so fuckung badly dude, makes me go places i shouldnt(places that trigger my anxiety even worse lmao). I just don't make good decisions at this hour.

And then this shit has the audacity to make it harder for me to sleep, trapping me here?? I hate this shit dude. What a lousy week

You know maybe after reading this image as "ToyPaste Tooth" I gotta come to terms that maybe I have some sort of reading comprehension issues lmao