Working Out, Weaning, and Babysitters!

I was looking at my blogroll today, and noticed that nearly all of them haven't posted in a looong time. Guess I'm in good company!

There's been lots of stuff happening around here, so I'm finally sitting down to tell you about it!

In January, I decided I really wanted to start doing some sort of exercise. I tried working out during the day at home, when Hunter napped. However, Ava wanted to do it with me since she doesn't nap, and that just didn't work out so well. She got upset when I used my yoga mat, and she didn't have one. And then we were bumping into each other. It's hard to go all out in a workout when you're trying to not step on your daughter who is also whining.

So, I thought I'd try running in the evenings, after dinner, when Eric was home. That worked okay for a little while. I loved having alone time and to focus on exercise, and I was doing the Couch to 5k, which is an awesome program. However, with Asher's evening activities and Eric's work schedule, it became nearly impossible to find a time to go. So that got put on hold after a month or so.

In April, Eric and I decided we wanted to join a gym. I checked out some around us, and then we picked one and signed up. I went for a week before everyone started getting sick AGAIN (stupid endless sickness!!), and the next 3 weeks were full of back to back illness. But everyone FINALLY recovered, and I started going again. And we both signed up for personal training! I am putting my kids in the child care there while I work out. It was a difficult transition for Hunter, but he is doing great now an walks right in smiling and happy. In the beginning, I had oodles of guilt about leaving them there, but I also am realizing that it's okay to take care of ME sometimes. My trainer is totally kicking my butt, but it needs to be kicked, and I am so excited to get stronger and see results. I am so sore constantly, but it is worth it!

Also, a few weeks ago, I weaned Hunter. All my kids happened to be 20 months old when I weaned them (not planned, just worked out that way), which equals 5 years of nursing!!! Wow. The last 7 years have been pretty much solely dedicated to pregnancy, nursing, and child-rearing. I've been wanting to wean him for several months, but all the sickness caused so many delays, and I didn't want to wean him when he was sick or about to be sick, so I held on. But I had gotten down to only a bedtime nursing for about a month, and I think it worked out better that way, because it made it easier for him when I did finally stop. It felt right and like it was the perfect time. And I am SOOOO happy to start this next chapter of my life where my body is finally my OWN again, and I can put more effort into me, myself, and I. Even though 99% of my life is still all about my kids, I love doing stuff for me a little more now that I have no more babies! And saying that there will be no more babies doesn't make me sad at all, it just feels right. I am in a good place!

Another development is a new babysitter! We just recently found our first babysitter who is non-family, and we used her for the first time last week where we left the house and went out to dinner, and we didn't have to rush home, and it was glorious! Our parents are always willing to babysit, but we really only use them when we have to, with an occasional dinner out thrown in here and there, and we are never gone long. But now I am seeing the possibilities of us finally, finally having date night and more time to ourselves. We already booked her for a few evenings in June, so more dates await!

And since I night weaned Hunter a few months ago, he is sleeping much, much better. Not always but mostly. The nights when I can sleep are amazing! Being woken up at 6 (or earlier) is much more doable after getting sleep.

I'm glad for all these developments, because life in general really hard right now with all 3, to be perfectly honest. Asher is 6.5 and just finished up 1st grade and is home for the summer. This is good and bad. He can be truly delightful and so fun to have around and be a playmate to the other two. But he can also be challenging and emotional and get frustrated with them, and did I mention his temper?! Ava is up and down. She can be such a pleasure, but she can also cry and whine a lot some days, and it just adds to the mix of drama in this house! And Hunter makes a thousand messes a day and takes apart my house and climbs ALL THE THINGS and gets into SO much trouble!! At least he does give the sweetest kisses and is such a happy boy! I'm such a blessed mom, and I am so grateful for these munchkins, even though they really keep me on my toes!

But I'm so happy I'm taking some steps to get a break and to keep my sanity (mostly) intact. I want to give them my best and to not always be exasperated and at my wit's end. I'm finally learning what it means when they say that you have to take care of yourself first so you can take care of others. I am a much better mom when I can get some breaks, even if they're short. Because being a parent is not easy, let's be honest!

So that's the news over here. Life is good!

Goals for 2014

It's been a long time since I've really set any sort of resolutions or goals for the new year. Honestly, for the past 7 years, my focus has been on having babies and raising them! Now that I'm done with the "having babies" part of that, it would be nice to change things up a bit as I move into the next phase. Realistically, my life is still consumed by young children, so I'm not going to be too ambitious here! But it would be fun to look back in a year and see if I was able to meet any of the goals/hopes I had set for myself and our family.

So here we go!

1. Be a patient, loving mom. This can be so hard at times, especially with a very strong-willed 6-year-old and two other kids to boot. But when I can stay calm and connect with them, it's a really good feeling, and I want to be the best mom I can!

2. Take back my body! This is one I am so looking forward to. Hunter is still nursing, and I plan on weaning him in the Spring sometime. Although I love the nursing experience, I really look forward to being done with this phase and having my body be my own!

3. Get that body into shape.  Ah, this seems really ambitious, but it's one I really want to happen. Somehow, some way, I will exercise and eat better. I don't have a plan of action yet, but I'm putting it out there.

4. Tackle some house projects. Now that we've redone our kitchen and bathroom cabinets, it feels great to get that big project out of the way. Unfortunately, there's many more behind it! Our garage has some cabinets that are literally falling apart and hanging on hinges, or have just completely broken. They are basically completely useless. So, we want to get some good shelving/cabinets in there and get that organized. We also need to get the exterior of our house painted. And I also want to revamp some of the landscaping. I think we'll leave it at that for now.

5. Have good couple time with Eric. This one is so hard. We are exhausted parents who never get sleep, and we hardly get time together. We do get an occasional dinner out alone, which is very nice. But it would be nice if we could dedicate some more time to just us occasionally and remember that we are husband and wife and not just co-parents!

6. And speaking of sleep, get my children to sleep! Ava has a bad habit of coming into our bed every single night, and Eric is the one who has to retrieve here. And Hunter spends half his night in our bed. Everyday, we wake up exhausted. By the end of this year, there WILL be an improvement in this area!

7. Figure out long-term school plan. This is another hard one. Asher is in a private school that we love, but it's a lot of money. Ava will be starting preschool in the fall, so that will be an additional cost as well, and the year after she will be starting Kindergarten. Basically, I need to explore our public school options to see if those are possibilities that would work for us, or if we decide to stick with private and find a way to foot the bill for 3 kids eventually (yikes!).

Well, that has tapped my brain, so I'm going to call it done! Here's to a wonderful, healthy 2014!

So, Christmas. It Happened.

Oh, you guys. December was not a good month in our house. Neither was November, come to think of it.

There was a LOT of sickness in our house. Plans got ruined, and there was very little fun to be had. We were supposed to go up north to the North Pole Experience and help the elves make toys and meet Santa. Sounds fun, right? So exciting! We booked those tickets a whole year ago! But then, the day before we were supposed to leave, both Asher and Hunter came down with high fevers and were feeling awful. There was just no way we could go. That was followed by several brutal days in which Hunter was a miserable, crying mess who wanted me to stand up and hold him 24/7, and Ava became sick...and then a few days after that, it was my turn. I'm certain it was the flu. Hunter was tested at the doctor, and it was negative. But once I had it, all my symptoms were the same and classic flu-like - fever, chills, headache, cough and runny nose, felt like I'd been hit by a truck. The kids had stomachaches, too. My own sickness saga didn't end for two weeks later, when after numerous (numerous, I say!) proddings from Eric for me to get myself to the doctor already, I was diagnosed with a sinus and ear infection. Good times!

So, that plan was canceled, and then once I got sick, any other plans we'd hoped to have happen all fell to pieces as well. And I felt completely awful up until a few days ago. And although Hunter had been doing better, on Christmas, once again he was feverish and miserable, as was Ava. Ear infections for all!

Basically, by the time Christmas hit, I felt like I'd been crawling to the finish line. The shopping and wrapping was just SO hard this year, with everyone being sick. I love the Christmas season so much, but all the joy melted into a pile of sickness. The kids didn't even get to see Santa! Oh the injustice!

On Christmas, I got only one picture, and Hunter wasn't even in it because he was sick and attached to me like a leech. It made getting anything done very hard. We went to my parents' house to celebrate with the family, and we were there briefly before coming back home with our sick kiddos. Eric had to go to work the next day, and I was really dreading doing the solo bit with the sickies. I haven't felt that depressed on Christmas in a long time!

The lone picture of Asher and Ava on Christmas

The one bright spot was that Asher and Ava loved their presents and had a fun morning. Asher was over the moon! Their excitement really made the day special.

And here we are in January, no worse for wear and mostly healthy-ish, so I'll take it. It could have been a much better Christmas, but it also could have been much worse.

In a Sickness Haze

My mom had her second surgery, and this time it was successful, and the pathology report showed that they got all of the cancer! So yay for that! She will start radiation in another few weeks. They are also waiting to see if her insurance will pay for a $4,000 (!!!!) test that would be very helpful in mapping the DNA of the cancer, which determines if it is likely to recur, or if it is likely to grow elsewhere in the body (scary thought). Sure hoping insurance ponies up for that! Sounds kinda important, ya think?

And also, in un-important but still very relieving news, our kitchen is finished! Hooray! Two weeks ago on a Thursday, the countertops were installed. The very next day, all of the sinks were hooked up, and everything was functioning! I can't even tell you the relief and happiness this simple thing brought me. Having a functioning kitchen seems like a small thing, but it makes such a big difference!

It was done just in time for Thanksgiving, which I was hosting, so it was wonderful to use it to cook up my meal and have our families over!

Unfortunately, the kids all got strep throat a few days before Thanksgiving. By the actual day, they were all doing much better. However, Asher started coughing a bunch, and then Ava started coughing....and there was round 2 with a bunch of colds, seemingly only minutes after recovering from round 1! Sheesh, the antibiotics weren't even finished yet!

As of today, Asher has been good for a few days (I did have to take him to the doctor on Monday for a double ear infection - come on!), Ava is finally starting to recover, very slowly. Inch by inch! That girl really needs to be able to sleep through the night again so that we can, too. In fact, she's passed out on the couch as I type, and this is a girl who never naps, so that's saying something. And Hunter, who never really seemed to fully get over the last round, is now snottier and coughier (yes, I made up a word) than ever! And now I am congested.

Tis the season, right? Oh lordy, I'm already so sick of the sickness, and it's only December 4th!

But hey, I have a new kitchen!

Before

After

Lost in Limbo

As of my last post, my mom was waiting for surgery, and we were waiting for our renovation work to be done.

Here we are, nearly a month later, and guess what? Both of those things are still true! This month has tested my patience in so many ways! It's been a frustrating, discouraging time, but it WILL get better. I'm sure of it.

My mom did have the surgery I mentioned previously. It was at the end of last week. It went well, and there were no big surprises. But they wouldn't have any real answers until the pathology results came back. I went to see her when she got home, and she was upbeat and moving around. She was definitely in much better shape than I expected! It was great to see and buoyed my spirits.

The week of my mom's first surgery was supposed to be the week that our renovation would be complete. That was very exciting for me because then that would be DONE, and I could focus on my mom and her surgery and recovery and supporting her through this next phase. However, this seems to be the renovation that never ends! I got a call the day before the counter tops were supposed to be installed (and also the day before my mom's surgery) informing me that the granite slabs had cracked, so new slabs were needed, and they didn't know when they would be installed. The next day, when I was sitting with my mom after her surgery, I got the call that the next installation date availability was not until....November 20th! Talk about stress upon stress! I couldn't even believe that I had to wait another two weeks to get counter tops when I had already been waiting two weeks. Do you know how difficult it is to not have a fully functioning kitchen or bathrooms with 3 kids? It is not easy, let me tell you. There are worse things for sure, but it is no picnic!

Amidst all this we had major issues with our wall oven and microwave. The previous owners had a built-in oven/microwave (in addition to a stand-alone stove/oven). When we went to replace cabinets, we wanted to get new ones to replace these very old and broken appliances. The wall oven was gas, but they don't make the standard size in gas anymore, which was a problem for the cabinet we had. We went to Sears, who ended up selling us appliances that didn't fit. Long story short, we had multiple issues with finding appliances to fit the cabinet we had ordered, and the only fix was to have the general contractor we are using install a special electric outlet so that we could have an electric oven. This meant running an electrical cable from the electric box outside (read: cutting into the wall, etc.). We also had to go to another appliance store to find the right ones. We always use Sears, but this time they really let me down.

After a couple of days of just feeling so frustrated with everything, I took some deep breaths and regrouped. None of this was the end of the world, and we would get through it.

Then, this past Wednesday, I found out that even though we are getting our counter tops next week, the contractor probably couldn't hook up the sinks and faucets for another 4 days after! This was a huge disappointment, as I am just desperate to get this all wrapped up. 

That day was also my mom's follow-up appointment. An hour after talking to the contractor, she let me know that they had gotten the pathology results back, and it showed that one lymph node had cancer (which was removed, thankfully), and more bad news was that a margin was not clean (a margin is the edge or border of the tissue removed in cancer surgery), which meant that the cancer had spread further than the surgeon had cut. The main implications are two things: 1) the results showed that the cancer was a little more serious than originally thought, which leads to a more aggressive approach and 2) another surgery was needed to remove the excess cancer. Her second surgery is scheduled for next Thursday, and she was told that it will be simpler and quicker than the first one, so that's good news.

So, another surgery, more pathology results, a visit to the oncologist and radiologist, and then maybe an action plan will be formed. The surgeon has already recommended that she do 6 weeks of radiation. Before the pathology results, he had thought she would need only 5.

Obviously, the two issues ruling my life right now are very different. One is life and death, and the other is really meaningless in the scheme of things but yet still takes up so much time and energy. Sure, when it's all said and done, the kitchen will look great. But does it really matter in life? Of course not! It's window dressing. It's certainly not a project I would have started if I had known that my mom was going to be diagnosed with breast cancer, or that the project length would end up doubling. But here we are nonetheless, and many moments have been super stressful, especially combined with the stress of what my mom is going through.

I just can't wait for something to be finished, and to be out of limbo and waiting! And it will be glorious to get my house back! I feel like God has been testing me with all these different challenges. I haven't handled in the best, but I'm trying. Trying to be patient and calm, even when I'm upset on the inside. It's hit or miss, if I'm perfectly honest.

Amidst all the craziness, Halloween happened, and it was nice to just put all the stress aside and go out and have fun trick-or-treating with the kids. What a fun night!

 

Just in Case

A few weeks ago, my mom dropped a bomb on me. She had gone in for her annual mammogram, and they called her to tell her that a mass showed up, and she needed to have it biopsied. I didn't know what to think...I was worried about it but was trying to stay positive. Due to a scheduling error, it took her a couple weeks to finally get in with a surgeon who specializes in breast cancer, who then did a biopsy. He felt that it was a 50/50 chance that it was cancerous. Hearing that was pretty scary.

During this time, I couldn't even wrap my mind around the word "cancer." It seems like cancer has become such a prevalent disease in general, and I can easily list several people I know who have been affected by it in some fashion, and a few of those have even lost someone from it. But in my immediate family, we've been cancer-free, and I've been very happy and relieved about that.

While we were waiting for the biopsy results, I tried to stay optimistic. Friends and family were reassuring me that it would be okay. But I just had this bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. It was on my mind constantly, and I couldn't sleep. I was telling a lot of people about what was going on and asking for them to pray, just in case. In fact, I was secretly hoping that the more people I told, the more likely it would be that the biopsy would come back normal. It was like I was preparing for the worst but hoping for the best. Truth be told, one of the main reasons I updated my blog recently was that I thought I might need a place to share my thoughts down the road. I was thinking I should maybe keep the blog up and running...just in case.

The biopsy was done on a Friday, and the surgeon said he should have the results by the following Wednesday. So many days to wait! Amidst all this, we were getting ready to do some house renovations. We are replacing our kitchen and bathroom cabinets and countertops. I had to have everything emptied out by this past Thursday so they could tear them out, so while I was waiting for that phone call, I was also trying to get all that done and keep my mind busy. It also felt so frustrating that I was dealing with renovations when there were suddenly far more important things to worry about.

On Wednesday, the day that was supposed to be THE day, there was no news. I'd been waiting all day, and I was even planning on driving over to my parents' house in the evening with the kids, so I could see and hug my mom after she got the news. Just in case, I wanted to make sure I could see her, to cry or to celebrate. But there was no phone call from the doctor.

On Thursday morning, they were going to be at my house at 7am to start tearing things out. I was up extra early and both tired and wired. At 6:50am, my mom called me. The doctor had called her late the night before (he was tied up in surgery prior to that). He had the results. 

It was cancerous. He would have more info at her appointment with him on Friday but told her it was treatable.

That whole morning, I was just in shock. I couldn't even process it. My house was complete chaos, and I had no kitchen, and I was having to chase Hunter constantly as he ran around the mess. All I wanted to do was lie down. I made it through the day, and then took the kids down to my parents' house after I picked up Asher from school. My mom was optimistic, which is just like her. She's not one to wallow or worry. When we left, I hugged her hard and told her I loved her.

When we got home, after we put the kids to bed, and I finally had my first quiet moment of the day, I couldn't hold it in anymore. I cried on Eric's shoulder and told him that I was scared. He rubbed my back and comforted me.

My mom's doctor's appointment went well. He said it was Stage I, which is obviously the best news possible. She will have surgery on November 7th, after which it will be determined if she needs chemo or radiation (it's likely she will need one or both).

We're trying to focus on the positive aspects of this - it is early, and it is treatable. But I still hate it, of course. Nobody wants to hear a loved one has cancer. Cancer sucks. But here's hoping she can beat it and move on with doing what she does best - living. My mom does so much good in this world. As far as I'm concerned, she needs to be around for at least another 20-30 years.

I'm going to not take her for granted, though, that's for sure. I'm going to soak up every second I spend with her and cherish her like there's no tomorrow.

Blog, Derailed

In the several years I have had this blog, I have never gone longer than 1-2 months without posting, and clearly it's been much longer than that this time! All I can say is that we moved into a new hosue, life was crazy all summer, and my motivation just never seemed to surface. I kept waiting to be hit with the momentum to sit down and do a post, but....well, I think it just fell way down on my priority list. Life is so busy, and free time is a precious commodity, so there you have it. And after it's been a while, it becomes even harder to get back on the horse again. So much to say! And yet, nothing to say!

To sum up, summer happened, obviously. It was super hot, and it was long and short rolled into one. We've been in our new house for almost 5 months now, and we're really loving it. We're currently about to enter a remodeling phase, in which we are upgrading all cabinets and countertops. I am not looking forward to the chaos that will ensue, but I am really excited for the outcome! 

Asher is in 1st grade and is doing great. He's not one who loves school really, but he excels nonetheless, and at his conference last week, his teacher had only glowing things to say about him. He also just wrapped up 4 straight months of soccer, and I am excited to have a break from weeknight practice and Saturday morning games! Woohoo! I love going to his games and watching him play, but it's also nice to get that time back for a little while. Especially since Asher also has another weeknight commitment through our Catholic church called Christian Formation. So many extracurricular activities these days!

Ava is in a dance class now and loves it. It's a combo class of tumbling, ballet, and tap. She's doing awesome and looks forward to it every week. Ava is super sweet to her little brother, Hunter, and I love how well they get along. Ava will start preschool either this coming Spring, or next Fall when she is 4. I haven't decided which yet. I think she will love it whenever she does start. She just loves being around other kids!

Hunter is nearly 14 months old now (how did that happen??), and is walking all over the place and tearing it up! Him starting to walk was a relief so that he could walk around at all of our various activities, since he was desperate to crawl all over the ground before. Of course, as a walker, he is super fast, and it can be tough keeping up with him! But I am soooo relieved to be done with the crawling phase and black knees! Now that our weather has cooled off, the kids want to be outside non-stop, and it's so nice he can walk around and explore it as well. Hunter is the adored one in our house, and every morning, the older two clamor to smother him with hugs and kisses as soon as he wakes up. They are so gentle and loving with him, even though he can get rough and bite and hit. Their love and patience with him couldn't make me any happier!

Back in August, Hunter and Asher had their birthdays (ages 1 and 6), and it was a lot of fun!

 

Here are some other pictures from the past couple of months.

Ballet girl

Soccer star (in front of our house)

Going "swimming"

 

Sitting on a chair looking like a big boy!

I can't promise that I will be updating regularly on out, but I'll give it a try and do my best!