L'hitraot

I will no longer update this blog. This leg of my journey is finished. I will still keep it "up" for others to reference. Thank you for everyone who commented. Have a joyous and meaningful pesach sameach v'kasher.

Let's hear it for frum boxers!

The Jewish Channel's weekly update was especially interesting this week. Topping the news was the fact that Dmitriy Salita would be going for the welterweight championship in boxing in England next week. I think this is awesome. I could do without some of the quotes from others on his website that just fully embrace ethnic stereotypes. I'll let you guess which ones :-)

In the same weekly update there is talk about Yisrael Campbell and a Project Tesfa, through which I found out is the Amharic name for "hope". Interesting...I have a cousin by that name, and I never knew what it meant or what it came from.

The Pursuit of Life...

(Hmmm I have a lot of things on my mind; I hope I can string it all together in relatively coherent post)

Last erev Shabbos, I had an short babysitting stint with my 2 year old cousin. He is a good very boy, and I only needed to watch him for two hours. So I decided that we would watch a movie together (while we shared animal crackers). I opted for The Pursuit of Happyness which I had never seen before and I thought was really good. It was a reminder to me that you need to stay committed to things -- keep your "eye on the prize" so to speak. Even when everything and everyone seems to be against you.

Facebook has this odd feature where if one of your friends is not active enough, it prompts you to 'reconnect' with them. It just randomly shows people and it is there every day, so I do not know what prompted me to click on the suggested person today. Maybe it was because he was also an aspiring Jew-to-be and he seemed to be pretty quite lately. I knew that he went to Israel earlier this year...so maybe he returned? I was shocked to discover [by going to his profile page] that he had committed suicide several months ago. It was not easy to discern this by scanning the pages and pages of "I'll miss you" comments on his wall. But every once in a while someone would update the status of the investigation where it was finally ruled as a suicide. As I removed him from my friend's list I really had to wonder. I did not expect him to write about his feelings on Facebook to help reveal what was going with him. But you could see that he posted several Jewish links and discussions about 2 days before the "I'll miss you...R.I.P." comments started. Hundreds of them probably. Yet in his life, his desire to become a halachaic Jew made him a loner. It put him in a tough position. He was removed from the Jewish community, yet still trying to observe the mitzvot. He traveled to Israel and even feel in love, but had to return the the U.S. and 'boom!' it was over (the romance too). Now I have the slightest clue as to what drove him to take his life; it could be some other thing completely. Yet all these comments left after he was deceased....just seemed to be amiss.

Why are we motivated to reach out and share feelings of connection after someone has passed away? Did this young man know that he was so loved -- well loved enough to have all of these comments left on his wall? Did he feel that he had anyone to turn to? Did he feel like he was a part of something?

I have never felt suicidal, B"H, but I do often feel as if I am living in a bubble; in an 'untouchable/invisible' state. However something will then happen to remind me that this is not the case. My regular Shabbos hosts told me last night that they would be away for Shabbos. Ok, so I figured it may be a good time to go away for Shabbos. Well the next morning, I actually was called by someone who simply heard that my regular hosts would be out of town and that I should come by them. They were thinking about me...and they acted before I did (I did email a neighboring Rav about accommodations - he and his kehilla also responded, it was wonderful). This is how it should be...yes, let us reach out to each other now. Why wait until one of the parties is dead? When they have no chance or hope to respond and interact with you. That is the great blessing of being alive; sharing with others.

In a seemingly unrelated topic, I heard tonight that Tiger Woods was caught cheating on his wife. I remember when I first saw his wife, I thought she was amazingly gorgeous. That and she did not conduct herself like a floozy it seemed. However Tiger still did not remain faithful. He continued to have roving eyes. Why is this? Tiger, do you realize how many of us would love to even have the bracha of one day meeting our life mates? Did he think of the people around him? Not the ones that would write on his wall if he were dead, but the ones he can confide in...feel secure with?

I think so many people are lost. They do not know what drives their life. They do not know or have good friends. They question if whether or not their life has any point at all. I am eternally thankful that the daily routine of an Orthodox Jew helps to keep things in perspective; if not via the tefillot, but also by the frum community.

1 Nation, Under G-d

Last week I had an interesting discussion with my supervisor after our department meeting. (I work for a department in the university which certifies principals and superintendents by the way.) She mentioned that because our program is an online program, she has discovered that quite a few of the students are in really far out there districts. I casually asked what makes these remote districts any different than the more urban districts? Well she said that in her School Law course, she routinely encounters students who work for districts that are just outright breaking the law. Of course I hear this, and I am horrified. What type of criminal action is going on in these schools? Embezzlement? Falsification of records? What could it be? No; she said the principal will come on the intercom and lead the school students in public prayer. Really? And these are public schools?

The truth of the matter is, yes, these schools are breaking the law. But they will probably not change until someone complains (i.e. sue them). And the chances of this happening in these rural school districts is low. It is rare that these school districts even hire staff from outside of their relative area, so as long as no one complains, what is to stop them?

In spite of what the liberal media wants you to believe, the United States is still a country where a lot of the citizens believe in G-d; and this is a good thing for the Jews. This document finds that almost 70% of Americans believe in G-d. Even looking at something essentially non-religious, such as the pledge of allegiance, it has not been so easy to wipe it away from the public school presence because of the "one nation under G-d" line. And in spite of laws, many Americans feel ok breaking laws that infringe on their religious expressions (as long as they are in a "safe" environment and are not directly offending others).

This past summer, there was a blow dealt to the Orthodox Jewish community in Britain, when it refused the entry of a student whose mother did not undergo a halachaic conversion, therefore deeming the child non-Jewish. The school was accused of racial discrimination. Such a case would never fly in the United States; where we allot the respective religious movements to operate their schools however they see fit [as long as other laws are adhered to].

The thought of trying to be a Torah-observant Jew in a sea of millions of religious Christians can seem daunting. However I feel that the alternative is even more daunting. Without a doubt, our popular culture is just plain gross. The sex, the language, the values that are spoon fed to the masses is cause for real alarm. However anyone who has been to Europe (or even the Euro-wannabe Tel Aviv sadly) can tell you it is much worse there. Even when I go to Jamaica...it is pretty harrowing what you see and hear in casual conversation. However there is a force of religious Americans who are tempering the climate. In 2004, I worked for a [no defunct] company called U.S. Digital Television. They were based in Utah, but had customer in Arizona, Nevada, California, and parts of New Mexico and Colorado. There whole draw is that they produced a high definition TV receiver that only pulled in broadcast channels and local stations. Apparently there were a good number of people who wanted to see their local stations in high definition, but were not interested in the full cable package. This system fared very well among religious communities. So you cannot really say with any accuracy that the non-Jewish world is devoid of morals and values; that they are disconnected and disrespectful of G-d.

Doses of Brilliance

This past Sunday, I went to the Pittsburgh Kollel to hear Dr. Esther Shkop speak about Women & Tefillah in the Torah (that was not the exact title of the presentation; that I do not recall). Dr. Shkop was a wonderful, dynamic speaker and teacher. She was able to present the subject along with the appropriate sources and present it in a package all wrapped up with feeling and conviction. I enjoy using and hearing either scenarios and analogies that help to relay a point, and Dr. Shkop utilized these tools very well. There were many times that she had me on the brink of tears. Other times she won over my respect for her frank discussions of the faulty logic that causes frum women to feel inadequate. The entire time, she was completely convincing that she was speaking to us out of true concern for all of us and our self-image.

I would quite honestly feel uncomfortable and unjustified trying to summarize her speech on here. I really do feel that the bulk of it was for women only; but it did highlight many flaws in the thinking of some about (or in) contemporary frum society. That a woman's greatest responsibility is to help her husband reproduce; that a woman's exemption from time-bound mitzvot is some sort of signal that her tefillah is not important; and why women need to give and receive love. Refuting or confirming these things is not as easy as you think. I fully appreciate women as gifted as Dr. Shkop to articulate the finer points of what being a religious Jewish woman means.

One thing that this perilious economy has brought to light is that resources within the Jewish community are limited. B"H, when I started on this path, things were going well. I was able to pick up not only a weekly Hebrew class, but classes in halacha and chumash for about $45 per semester at the Aish HaTorah Center in Florida. Now they are charging per class and membership has also increased. I don't think the prices are prohibitive, but it gets your attention. So now more than ever, it is not so common to encounter shirium for women. What I realized on Sunday is just how important it is to have learned individuals speak to Jewish women about various issues from time to time. To give us the chizuk to stand firm in regards to what we believe in.

On Sunday, I also picked up the book Spice and Spirit, which I did not bother to purchase before. But I figured that if I am getting ready to venture out on my own, I may as well start collecting cookbooks. This cookbook is produced by the Lubavitch Women's Organization and contains a lot of information in regards to halachah and Jewish living. It is interesting in that in the section on candelighting, they talk about the custom of women lighting from the age of 3; and women waiting until they get married to light 2 candles (I guess before that they light only one). No other hints or discussions are made regarding the Ashkenazi minhagim in regards to women lighting candles (married woman of the household lights either two or two + # of children; single men/women living on their own also light two). If I were truly brand new to Torah observance, I would find this section (and others) pretty confusing in that you don't yet know how to discern halacha from minhagim. Worse yet, you don't know why you even do certain things. This can most definitely happen. I remember taking a shiur on kashrus and Shabbos cooking, and the rabbi discussed the concept of using a blech. It is preferable that a blech have a lip on it that folds down and covers the controls on the stove when it is set down. If not, you still need to cover the controls (like with foil). Also the whole purpose of the blech is to cover the flame. So if you have a glass-top stove, you don't need a blech (in fact, if you use one, you run the risk of ruining your cooktop). Yet several women with glass-top stoves were consulting the rabbi about getting a blech for their stove.

Invariably, observing the mitzvot are key to being Torah observant; but you can't just do to do. You have to actively seek out the reasons why you are doing. Not for justification, but to more fully embrace your actions. You also need yiras h'shmayim. This filters out most of the negative feelings that a person can harbor in regards to the lifestyle of a Torah observant Jew. This gives depth and meaning to your life and actions. How easy it is for Jewish women to get so caught up in child rearing, preparations for Shabbos & Yontif, the particulars of tznius, and social matters that we lose sight of our capacity for spirituality.

Dark 'N' Stormies on the Horizon (Adventures in Kashrus V)

Well I finally found a brand of Jamaican-style ginger beer with a hechshure (OU). I was excited when I found it, but then I saw some of the online reviews, and they weren't so great. Oh well; I haven't tasted it myself. Hopefully it is spicy at least!

Dark 'n' Stormy

2 oz dark rum

4 oz ginger beer

Mix ingredients together in an old-fashioned glass over cracked ice, and serve.

A 4-Year Old Made My Day Today :-)

This morning there was a Gemilas Chesed sisterhood meeting. I joined the sisterhood 2 months ago, but this was the first meeting I was able to attend. This was also the first meeting that several new women in our community attended as well.

After the official meeting, there was a brunch and some socializing. One of the new community members remarked to me that her 4-year old son told her that he wants to come over to my house. Well, actually, what he said was along the lines of, "I want to go to the house of the lady with the holes in her headband." The mother admitted that she had no idea who in the world her son was talking about. But then she saw me, and my headband, on Shabbos. You see, since I can't comb my hair on Shabbos, my main hope to look presentable (unless my hair is freshly permed) is to slap on a headbead. I have a set now where I have two black and one clear headband with circular holes in them.

I responded demurely, "It is so interesting to hear how children designate people."; but inside I was beaming. Here this little boy didn't label me as the "black lady" but as "the lady with the holes in her headband". Adults many times his age could learn so much from him...if they only knew.