This morning I think I had the most embarrassing moment at my RE's office. I think I mentioned in a previous post, that everybody is just sitting there and nobody talks. Well today, that certainly changed. When I was signing in, I heard the nurse call a woman with a name that I know. I don't really know her very well, but she is one of my husband's colleagues and I have seen her on several occasions. So I decided to say "Hi" to her. The conservation went something along the lines of:
Me: "Hi, I didn't know you were coming here, too."
She: "How are things?"
At that point I thought she was referring to being at the doctor's office.
Me: "Oh the usual. Endometriosis and stuff. How about you?"
She: "Oh work has been pretty busy lately. And I had a great Thanksgiving." Then the conversation was about work and stuff until I was called in for my bloodwork.
I felt completely embarrassed and awkward that I had shared with her information about what was going on with us and she completely ignored it and went on to talk about work. I mean, she is sitting in an RE's office waiting room. It is pretty obvious that she is there for a reason. I believe she is single, so maybe she was too embarrassed to talk about it. But hey, we are probably feeling a similar kind of pain about not having kids. Why not support each other? I don't think you can have enough support while you are dealing with infertility. The support that I get from this online community has been great so far. I started to get comments and am always very excited to read them. I am so excited that there seem to be some people that actually read what I am writing. And with my new counter I can even track where they are coming from.
I am also pretty open with our struggles. I mean, I don't share it with everybody that I first meet, but most of our friends are in the loop. Why hide that we have after more than three years of marriage a desire for children?
Yesterday I sent my brother a link to read this blog. He knows about our struggles. Probably he can't really relate to it, as he doesn't seem to have the same deep desire to have children as me. But I don't mind him reading about what is going on in our life. And this way at least he can stay connected a little even if he is so far away. And I really miss him.
Update: My progesterone level was 13,9. They would rather see 15. My doctor wants me to use progesterone twice daily.
Friday, November 30, 2007
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Insurance Coverage for Infertility
Today I would like to vent about many insurances not covering infertility treatment. At last year's open season we actually decided to change our health insurance because we wanted one that would cover as much infertility treatment as possible. We picked one that covers 2 IVFs per lifetime with a $6.000 deductible. Well, we maxed that out this year. I was very pleasantly surprised that there is another open season this year, so we will be able to get out of this insurance without having to pay another $6.000 deductible next year. So we will. Any ideas on great health insurances (that cover tons of IUIs, IVFs, etc.)?
I also don't understand why the health insurance infertility coverage is in the responsibility of the state you live in. I guess, we picked the wrong state when we moved here, then.
I feel like my infertility is a handicap. Because my body denies me of the ability to have biological children. Why don't I have the same right to children like anybody else that doesn't have problems conceiving? Doesn't this discriminate me and all my fellow infertiles?
Most cost estimates for insurance coverage for infertility treatment range from an additional $1 to $3 per member per month. I mean, we are also all paying for the people that destroy their body with smoking or abuse alcohol or drugs. I have never been a smoker, I don't do drugs, I only have a drink maybe once every two weeks. And I get punished because I have a medical condition that isn't recognized as worthy of being covered? Why is smoking, drug abuse and alcoholism worthy then?
In June of 2007 the H.R. 2892: Family Building Act of 2007 has been introduced to Congress. I just did some research. The act has only 8 Co-Sponsors (very sad if you look at the size of Congress). The current status is:
06/27/2007: Referred to House Armed Services
06/27/2007: Referred to House Education and Labor
06/27/2007: Referred to House Energy and Commerce
06/27/2007: Referred to House Oversight and Government Reform
06/27/2007: Referred to the Committee on Energy and Commerce, and in addition to the Committees on Education and Labor, Oversight and Government Reform, and Armed Services, for a period to be subsequently determined by the Speaker, in each case for consideration of such provisions as fall within the jurisdiction of the committee concerned.
09/11/2007: Referred to the Subcommittee on Health, Employment, Labor, and Pensions.
Committee/Subcommittee Activity:
Energy and Commerce: Referral, In Committee
Armed Services: Referral, In Committee
Health: Referral
Let's hope they move that Act along very quick!!! Maybe you can write to your Congress(wo)man and ask them to support the Act (and have all your family and friends do the same). On the Resolve Homepage you can find out whether your state provides infertility coverage. Most of my infertile fellows know all of this information anyway. But there is also a possibility to write to your State Representatives and mandate they support coverage.
And we will go ahead and change our health insurance - again.
I also don't understand why the health insurance infertility coverage is in the responsibility of the state you live in. I guess, we picked the wrong state when we moved here, then.
I feel like my infertility is a handicap. Because my body denies me of the ability to have biological children. Why don't I have the same right to children like anybody else that doesn't have problems conceiving? Doesn't this discriminate me and all my fellow infertiles?
Most cost estimates for insurance coverage for infertility treatment range from an additional $1 to $3 per member per month. I mean, we are also all paying for the people that destroy their body with smoking or abuse alcohol or drugs. I have never been a smoker, I don't do drugs, I only have a drink maybe once every two weeks. And I get punished because I have a medical condition that isn't recognized as worthy of being covered? Why is smoking, drug abuse and alcoholism worthy then?
In June of 2007 the H.R. 2892: Family Building Act of 2007 has been introduced to Congress. I just did some research. The act has only 8 Co-Sponsors (very sad if you look at the size of Congress). The current status is:
06/27/2007: Referred to House Armed Services
06/27/2007: Referred to House Education and Labor
06/27/2007: Referred to House Energy and Commerce
06/27/2007: Referred to House Oversight and Government Reform
06/27/2007: Referred to the Committee on Energy and Commerce, and in addition to the Committees on Education and Labor, Oversight and Government Reform, and Armed Services, for a period to be subsequently determined by the Speaker, in each case for consideration of such provisions as fall within the jurisdiction of the committee concerned.
09/11/2007: Referred to the Subcommittee on Health, Employment, Labor, and Pensions.
Committee/Subcommittee Activity:
Energy and Commerce: Referral, In Committee
Armed Services: Referral, In Committee
Health: Referral
Let's hope they move that Act along very quick!!! Maybe you can write to your Congress(wo)man and ask them to support the Act (and have all your family and friends do the same). On the Resolve Homepage you can find out whether your state provides infertility coverage. Most of my infertile fellows know all of this information anyway. But there is also a possibility to write to your State Representatives and mandate they support coverage.
And we will go ahead and change our health insurance - again.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
4 dpIUI
Sorry, I haven't been blogging for a couple of days. I have started to get my usual crazy 2 WW symptoms. I am questioning with every twinge whether it has worked or not. I really didn't want to get my hopes up this time. The health insurance covers it and we have maxed out our deductible for this year. So we decided on this IUI cycle. But now we have to wait for the outcome until we can go ahead with the adoption process. And that sucks. I'd rather go ahead as I don't really expect this IUI to end up in a pregnancy.
I have to go in my doctor's office on Friday for a blood test to figure out whether my progesterone levels might be too low. I guess it still will be to early for an HCG test. But when is the day for that? Hopefully I will find out on Friday.
Last Friday one of our friends gave birth to her fourth child. She has only one tube, so they had their first child through IUI. Then she had twins via IVF two years ago. Her husband had to go to Iraq for a year and when he came home for a short break in March, she got pregnant naturally. She is already 40. They didn't expect this at all to happen and she was really in a shock at first. They have been married for about 12 years and have never used birth control. God really works in miraculous ways.
Another common friend called me on Sunday to ask whether I had a hospital number for our friend. We chatted a while and then she went on about how she delivered her baby. I know that she had a miscarriage at 12 weeks and they had some difficulties to get pregnant. But she freaking has a baby. And she just continued about births and stuff.
I was really shocked about her insensitivity as it was not the first time she did something like that to me. Doesn't she realize that I might never experience a baby moving and growing inside me and to give birth to a baby myself??? She knows about our troubles and our miscarriages. And then when we met a couple of months ago (about a month after my last miscarriage) she asked me at a Happy Hour: So when are you getting ready to get pregnant? I couldn't believe it. Is she missing a sensitivity gen? She has gone trough some infertility issues herself, doesn't she understand how much it hurts to have people ask you such stupid questions?
On a different note: we finally decided to finish our basement. And this week the contractor started to work. It is always a surprise to come home and see the progress. Unfortunately the first day they had put the drywall in front of our closet with shoes and jackets. So yesterday I didn't have access to them. Fortunately they have put the drywall on the other side of the wall now. My dh had the idea to document the progress via video camera. A great idea. So yesterday I was the special reporter from our basement while a Sprite bottle served as my microphone... I love my husband because we can have so much fun together.
Last night I made an instant package of tabbouleh salad (which tasted surprisingly good!) with a ham topped with onions and cheese crusted Brussels sprout. I love to cook and try out new things... I don't like processed food, so most of our meals are home-cooked.
And I desperately feel like I need to drag my little ass back to the gym. I haven't been in weeks. I just have a hard time motivating myself once I am home in my cozy house and laying comfortably on the couch....
I have to go in my doctor's office on Friday for a blood test to figure out whether my progesterone levels might be too low. I guess it still will be to early for an HCG test. But when is the day for that? Hopefully I will find out on Friday.
Last Friday one of our friends gave birth to her fourth child. She has only one tube, so they had their first child through IUI. Then she had twins via IVF two years ago. Her husband had to go to Iraq for a year and when he came home for a short break in March, she got pregnant naturally. She is already 40. They didn't expect this at all to happen and she was really in a shock at first. They have been married for about 12 years and have never used birth control. God really works in miraculous ways.
Another common friend called me on Sunday to ask whether I had a hospital number for our friend. We chatted a while and then she went on about how she delivered her baby. I know that she had a miscarriage at 12 weeks and they had some difficulties to get pregnant. But she freaking has a baby. And she just continued about births and stuff.
I was really shocked about her insensitivity as it was not the first time she did something like that to me. Doesn't she realize that I might never experience a baby moving and growing inside me and to give birth to a baby myself??? She knows about our troubles and our miscarriages. And then when we met a couple of months ago (about a month after my last miscarriage) she asked me at a Happy Hour: So when are you getting ready to get pregnant? I couldn't believe it. Is she missing a sensitivity gen? She has gone trough some infertility issues herself, doesn't she understand how much it hurts to have people ask you such stupid questions?
On a different note: we finally decided to finish our basement. And this week the contractor started to work. It is always a surprise to come home and see the progress. Unfortunately the first day they had put the drywall in front of our closet with shoes and jackets. So yesterday I didn't have access to them. Fortunately they have put the drywall on the other side of the wall now. My dh had the idea to document the progress via video camera. A great idea. So yesterday I was the special reporter from our basement while a Sprite bottle served as my microphone... I love my husband because we can have so much fun together.
Last night I made an instant package of tabbouleh salad (which tasted surprisingly good!) with a ham topped with onions and cheese crusted Brussels sprout. I love to cook and try out new things... I don't like processed food, so most of our meals are home-cooked.
And I desperately feel like I need to drag my little ass back to the gym. I haven't been in weeks. I just have a hard time motivating myself once I am home in my cozy house and laying comfortably on the couch....
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Meet Homer and Noah...
Last night after a fabulous Thanksgiving-Dinner at our neighbor's house (our fourth time of eating turkey since last Saturday) we ended up driving to Old Navy. They had a pretty nice sale and so dh and I decided to help the economy a little... On our way home we decided to eat Macaroni and Cheese for dinner and dh was going to cook.
When we got home I saw that we had left the light on in the upper floor of our house. But as soon as we entered the house, it was out. Dh was reaching for the light switch downstairs when it happened so I told him it was his responsibility that the whole neighborhood was without power. I guess he must have felt guilty because he called the power company to report the outage. They said it was going to take until about 11:30 p.m. at night. No Macaroni and Cheese then. We decided to go and grab some sandwiches. But as we were driving through our neighborhood we saw that our friends were home, so we stopped by their house to see whether they were up for dinner. We ended up having a really nice dinner at my favorite Japanese restaurant with them.
This morning we went to church. Unfortunately I was really distracted during the service. Our church meets in a movie theater in Union Station and does a lot of outreach to the homeless. While we were waiting for the service to begin, a homeless girl came in and sat in the row in front of us. She had a really bad smell of urine around her and I got nearly nauseous. I ended up moving two seats to sit a little further from her. Then another homeless woman in our row fell asleep during the service and snored. She actually snored so loud that everybody could hear it. They woke her up several times, but she continued to snore really loud. In the end they made her leave. She came back later with a coffee in her hand so I guess they just bought her coffee.
When we got home, I packed up some of the great Thanksgiving Dinner from Thursday, a piece of Mincemeat Pie, and a hot tea and drove it all downtown. There is this homeless guy I walk by every day on my way home from work. He has these eyes that just show that he must be a good person. He is older and always very friendly. I gave him the lunch and we talked for a while. His name is Homer and he has been living on the street on and off for about 20 years. He lives in the park where I see him every day. He asked about my accent and was very friendly. Because he had a coffee already, I gave the tea to a friend of him, Noah, who was so happy to talk to me. He enjoyed it so much, that he didn't want to let me go. I have to say that I feel so blessed by being able to do that. That really made my day.
When we got home I saw that we had left the light on in the upper floor of our house. But as soon as we entered the house, it was out. Dh was reaching for the light switch downstairs when it happened so I told him it was his responsibility that the whole neighborhood was without power. I guess he must have felt guilty because he called the power company to report the outage. They said it was going to take until about 11:30 p.m. at night. No Macaroni and Cheese then. We decided to go and grab some sandwiches. But as we were driving through our neighborhood we saw that our friends were home, so we stopped by their house to see whether they were up for dinner. We ended up having a really nice dinner at my favorite Japanese restaurant with them.
This morning we went to church. Unfortunately I was really distracted during the service. Our church meets in a movie theater in Union Station and does a lot of outreach to the homeless. While we were waiting for the service to begin, a homeless girl came in and sat in the row in front of us. She had a really bad smell of urine around her and I got nearly nauseous. I ended up moving two seats to sit a little further from her. Then another homeless woman in our row fell asleep during the service and snored. She actually snored so loud that everybody could hear it. They woke her up several times, but she continued to snore really loud. In the end they made her leave. She came back later with a coffee in her hand so I guess they just bought her coffee.
When we got home, I packed up some of the great Thanksgiving Dinner from Thursday, a piece of Mincemeat Pie, and a hot tea and drove it all downtown. There is this homeless guy I walk by every day on my way home from work. He has these eyes that just show that he must be a good person. He is older and always very friendly. I gave him the lunch and we talked for a while. His name is Homer and he has been living on the street on and off for about 20 years. He lives in the park where I see him every day. He asked about my accent and was very friendly. Because he had a coffee already, I gave the tea to a friend of him, Noah, who was so happy to talk to me. He enjoyed it so much, that he didn't want to let me go. I have to say that I feel so blessed by being able to do that. That really made my day.
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Inseminated
We just came back from our IUI. They were really busy today, mabye because they were closed yesterday for Thanksgiving...
There was a really nice woman in the waiting room and we were smiling at each other several time. I thought she was about my age. But nobody ever talks there or says something to other waiting patients. It is also kind of weird to say: "So what are you waiting for? Are you doing IVF, IUI, or what is your problem?". But I wish I would have talked to her. You can never have enough pals who are going through the same.
I was very impressed with my husbands sperm. Not only did he have 64 Mio., but also a motility of 80%. He always has this kind of a result... Very impressive. The IUI went very smooth. Our doctor was very happy. I asked him whether they can run out again. But he said that would only happen if he had done a very bad job. So I don't worry about using the restroom as I usually do after our IVFs.
I was surprised that I don't have to take progesterone like after the IVFs. The doctor wants me to come in next Friday for a blood test. If my levels are low then, I will start progesterone.
We hope that my hubbies boys are celebrating a nice fertilization party inside me. Wouldn't that be great???
Now I am lying on the couch and enjoy the Tyra Banks Show. Later we are invited for a Thanksgiving dinner at our neighbour's house. That will be our fourth time eating turkey this year and the third day in a row. But I really love turkey... Maybe I need another little snack before that...
There was a really nice woman in the waiting room and we were smiling at each other several time. I thought she was about my age. But nobody ever talks there or says something to other waiting patients. It is also kind of weird to say: "So what are you waiting for? Are you doing IVF, IUI, or what is your problem?". But I wish I would have talked to her. You can never have enough pals who are going through the same.
I was very impressed with my husbands sperm. Not only did he have 64 Mio., but also a motility of 80%. He always has this kind of a result... Very impressive. The IUI went very smooth. Our doctor was very happy. I asked him whether they can run out again. But he said that would only happen if he had done a very bad job. So I don't worry about using the restroom as I usually do after our IVFs.
I was surprised that I don't have to take progesterone like after the IVFs. The doctor wants me to come in next Friday for a blood test. If my levels are low then, I will start progesterone.
We hope that my hubbies boys are celebrating a nice fertilization party inside me. Wouldn't that be great???
Now I am lying on the couch and enjoy the Tyra Banks Show. Later we are invited for a Thanksgiving dinner at our neighbour's house. That will be our fourth time eating turkey this year and the third day in a row. But I really love turkey... Maybe I need another little snack before that...
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Who put my ovaries in the wrong way?
This morning I went to my doctor's office for another bloodwork and a sonogram. The nurse did the sonogram which was very painful. For some reason my ovaries seem to be at strange and unusual places in my body. She asked me whether I had a major surgery where they could have slapped them around. But I didn't. It always takes them forever to find them. The doctor knows me so well that he always ends up finding them really quick. But I guess the nurse is having a harder time. So the question is: who put my ovaries in the wrong way? I for sure, didn't.
The good news is that we are obviously speeding up on this side. The nurse found 3 follicles and thought we could do the trigger shot either today or tomorrow. I didn't ask about the other ones, but the one follicle was already 21 mm. Pretty big. We have been only stimulating for 5 days, which seems like a new record for me. Their office will be closed on Friday, so I assume the IUI will be on Saturday. Which will be fantastic because I don't have to worry about work and my hubby won't have any issues either. Great!!! I thought it was gonna be at the end of next week (day 14 of my cycle or so). So you little follicles inside me. Please grow and bring some nice eggs inside. And PLEASE let them have a good quality... Isn't it amazing how I start getting my hopes up? Despite the fact that the chances are only 15%. But my hubbies boys are great, so I don't have any concern on his side...
I'll probably won't be around as we start our little Thanksgiving holiday this afternoon. So, in case you won't hear from me: Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!!!
The good news is that we are obviously speeding up on this side. The nurse found 3 follicles and thought we could do the trigger shot either today or tomorrow. I didn't ask about the other ones, but the one follicle was already 21 mm. Pretty big. We have been only stimulating for 5 days, which seems like a new record for me. Their office will be closed on Friday, so I assume the IUI will be on Saturday. Which will be fantastic because I don't have to worry about work and my hubby won't have any issues either. Great!!! I thought it was gonna be at the end of next week (day 14 of my cycle or so). So you little follicles inside me. Please grow and bring some nice eggs inside. And PLEASE let them have a good quality... Isn't it amazing how I start getting my hopes up? Despite the fact that the chances are only 15%. But my hubbies boys are great, so I don't have any concern on his side...
I'll probably won't be around as we start our little Thanksgiving holiday this afternoon. So, in case you won't hear from me: Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!!!
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Delay as expected
When I arrived home yesterday the lady from the agency had left a voice message on my cell phone. She apologized for leaving the message in my colleague's voice mail. I told her how it made me feel and told her that I am past my anger that I had in the first moment. It took me a while to calm down on Friday, but now I am over it.
Then I explained our situation to her and explained that we were doing IUI to get rid of our fertility medication and to use the opportunity before we need to fulfill another $4000 deductible next year. I also told her that we have to move next summer and that we really hope to have everything ready before then.
She understood, but she told us again that their policy is that you are not allowed to be in any fertility treatment when you start the adoption process/home study with them... Great! I then asked her about the next pre-adoption class. We wanted to take that in the end of November, but now it turns out that they are doing the next one in December. So we will do that to get ahead. I also told her that we had already done the online class and she was quite impressed... So now I have to wait for the result of the IUI to start the intake meeting and home study. I am sad, but this is how it is. I don't know why their policy is so rigid about this. But I think they want you to have closed that chapter of your life first. Have we really closed it? I don't think so. We haven't completely given up the idea of having a biological child. There is still hope.
My doctor's office called today. After only 4 days on the medication, my estradiol is already at 326. Therefore I need to come in for a sonogram tomorrow. I wish we could have done that today. Now I have another day where I need to get up early to make it in time to work...
Then I explained our situation to her and explained that we were doing IUI to get rid of our fertility medication and to use the opportunity before we need to fulfill another $4000 deductible next year. I also told her that we have to move next summer and that we really hope to have everything ready before then.
She understood, but she told us again that their policy is that you are not allowed to be in any fertility treatment when you start the adoption process/home study with them... Great! I then asked her about the next pre-adoption class. We wanted to take that in the end of November, but now it turns out that they are doing the next one in December. So we will do that to get ahead. I also told her that we had already done the online class and she was quite impressed... So now I have to wait for the result of the IUI to start the intake meeting and home study. I am sad, but this is how it is. I don't know why their policy is so rigid about this. But I think they want you to have closed that chapter of your life first. Have we really closed it? I don't think so. We haven't completely given up the idea of having a biological child. There is still hope.
My doctor's office called today. After only 4 days on the medication, my estradiol is already at 326. Therefore I need to come in for a sonogram tomorrow. I wish we could have done that today. Now I have another day where I need to get up early to make it in time to work...
Monday, November 19, 2007
My honest husband and my freaking impatience
I am back on medication. We started injecting the fertility meds last Friday. So now I have to go back to my doctor's office tomorrow for another blood work and maybe even a follicle TV show. I hope they are all doing great in there and having a blast with all the drugs we are putting in there every single day...
I had a serious discussion with my dh this week-end. He is such an honest person and doesn't want to lie to the agency about our fertility treatments. While I really appreciate his honesty in general, I am a little disappointed that he doesn't want to lie about our IUI. I mean, the chances are only 15% anyway. And we still could in theory get pregnant naturally - even if it is very unlikely.
And even if I would get pregnant during this IUI cycle, who knows whether it would be a viable pregnancy this time? Maybe I would just be on another emotional roller coaster with nothing to show for at the end. And even if I would get pregnant with a viable pregnancy, I would still want to go ahead with the adoption. Why can't you have two kids at the same time? There are people that are adopting twins etc. And we want five kids as soon as possible...
So I will have to tell the agency the truth. Which then means, we won't be able to schedule our intake meeting before January... Another month without no results and no step ahead. The problem is that I am so freaking impatient that it is hard to wait another day. A month seems like forever. And I am really concerned that we won't be able to get this done before we move overseas. I cried last Friday, because I am terrified that no birthmother would want to give her child to us if we move away a few weeks later. Even if we give this child an opportunity to learn three different languages and travel the world...
The agency hasn't called me back yet (neither on my cell phone nor in the office). I think they guessed that I was pretty upset. Maybe I scared them off. I won't call them for avoiding to disclose the IUI. Maybe by the time they call, we have already done it...
I had a serious discussion with my dh this week-end. He is such an honest person and doesn't want to lie to the agency about our fertility treatments. While I really appreciate his honesty in general, I am a little disappointed that he doesn't want to lie about our IUI. I mean, the chances are only 15% anyway. And we still could in theory get pregnant naturally - even if it is very unlikely.
And even if I would get pregnant during this IUI cycle, who knows whether it would be a viable pregnancy this time? Maybe I would just be on another emotional roller coaster with nothing to show for at the end. And even if I would get pregnant with a viable pregnancy, I would still want to go ahead with the adoption. Why can't you have two kids at the same time? There are people that are adopting twins etc. And we want five kids as soon as possible...
So I will have to tell the agency the truth. Which then means, we won't be able to schedule our intake meeting before January... Another month without no results and no step ahead. The problem is that I am so freaking impatient that it is hard to wait another day. A month seems like forever. And I am really concerned that we won't be able to get this done before we move overseas. I cried last Friday, because I am terrified that no birthmother would want to give her child to us if we move away a few weeks later. Even if we give this child an opportunity to learn three different languages and travel the world...
The agency hasn't called me back yet (neither on my cell phone nor in the office). I think they guessed that I was pretty upset. Maybe I scared them off. I won't call them for avoiding to disclose the IUI. Maybe by the time they call, we have already done it...
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Playing the four things Game today
I am playing the Four Things Game today
javascript:void(0)
Publish Post
Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. First job in a supermarket when I was 10.
2. Hostess for trade fairs and exhibitions during college
3. Chief of Staff in a Parliament
4. Director of Programs (currently)
Four movies I Have watched more than once:
1. Forrest Gump
2. Legally Blonde
3. Spiderman
4. A River runs trough it
Four TV Shows I Watch Faithfully
1. Desperate Housewives
2. The Unit
3. 24
4. Tyra Banks Show
Four Places I have Vacationed
1. Italy
2. Brazil
3. Namibia
4. Denmark
Four of my Favorite Foods:
1. Spinach with eggs and potatoes
2. My mom's duck with dumplings
3. Sashimi
4. Pasta
Four Places I would rather be right now:
1. cuddling with my husband
2. Italy
3. with my family
4. with my best friend
Four Things I am looking forward to next year
1. Moving to a different continent
2. Having my little sister visit us in March
3. Having my brother visit us in May
4. Hopefully finalizing an adoption
Four Hobbies I have:
1. playing Minigolf
2. Sudoku
3. Reading
4. Networking
Consider yourself tagged and tell me four things about you.
Oh, the adoption agency called. In my office. They left a message. In my colleagues voice mail. About our intake meeting and being not in fertility treatment at this current time. Thank you very much! This is really pissing me off! Unfortunately that is not a good start.
They have my cell phone number. Why do they have to leave voice mail with my colleague. We are a small office, but something like this is definitely not appropriate and not acceptable. Of course the lady was gone when I had a chance to call back. I left a message - in her voice mail... (not her colleagues, I made sure that I had the right voice mail).
javascript:void(0)
Publish Post
Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. First job in a supermarket when I was 10.
2. Hostess for trade fairs and exhibitions during college
3. Chief of Staff in a Parliament
4. Director of Programs (currently)
Four movies I Have watched more than once:
1. Forrest Gump
2. Legally Blonde
3. Spiderman
4. A River runs trough it
Four TV Shows I Watch Faithfully
1. Desperate Housewives
2. The Unit
3. 24
4. Tyra Banks Show
Four Places I have Vacationed
1. Italy
2. Brazil
3. Namibia
4. Denmark
Four of my Favorite Foods:
1. Spinach with eggs and potatoes
2. My mom's duck with dumplings
3. Sashimi
4. Pasta
Four Places I would rather be right now:
1. cuddling with my husband
2. Italy
3. with my family
4. with my best friend
Four Things I am looking forward to next year
1. Moving to a different continent
2. Having my little sister visit us in March
3. Having my brother visit us in May
4. Hopefully finalizing an adoption
Four Hobbies I have:
1. playing Minigolf
2. Sudoku
3. Reading
4. Networking
Consider yourself tagged and tell me four things about you.
Oh, the adoption agency called. In my office. They left a message. In my colleagues voice mail. About our intake meeting and being not in fertility treatment at this current time. Thank you very much! This is really pissing me off! Unfortunately that is not a good start.
They have my cell phone number. Why do they have to leave voice mail with my colleague. We are a small office, but something like this is definitely not appropriate and not acceptable. Of course the lady was gone when I had a chance to call back. I left a message - in her voice mail... (not her colleagues, I made sure that I had the right voice mail).
The Blogger Flame of Fortitude
Lori has awarded me the Blogger Flame of Fortitude.
I feel very honored to receive this torch as it recognizes our battle scars, our victories, our defeats and our courage in facing infertility.
Here is a quote from Jenna who created this torch:
"You are receiving this honor because you have embodied perseverance in the face of difficulty and shared the journey of your experiences with others proving that a single voice can both be a light of support and a source or humor for those in the midst of their struggle. You are acknowledged here today for allowing others to share in your personal story and providing camaraderie through the power of your words. Each of you has faced a struggle that seems insurmountable to others and you have persevered. For some of you this resiliency was always a part of your character and for others, it was your struggle with infertility that awakened it from deep within you. Regardless of passion, stubbornness, a calling to a greater purpose or a refusal to admit defeat, you are an eternal flame of commitment. You are a veteran of your circumstances and you deserve recognition for your journey."
I would like to pass on the torch to: Katie.
Went to the doctor's office this morning. Attention, this might be too much information: AF is not really a full flow, it is more like brown blood. Weird. I wonder whether that is from the progesteron.
The nurse did a blood test this morning. It took forever as it was three vials. Then the other nurse did a sonogramm. Everything looked fine, except two cysts in one ovary. But she thought they are not Endo cysts, but rather normal cycle cysts. I have to call them this afternoon for the results. They also measured my blood pressure, my height, and weight, and I had to leave some urine for testing. All of the last staff is already for the adoption examination. I had asked the agency whether they could email me the forms for the doctor. They emailed me the forms and so I can already do something that we will need anyway for our home study... That way I at least feel like I am making some progress.
Still no news from the agency. I might have to call to make sure they received our paperwork...
I feel very honored to receive this torch as it recognizes our battle scars, our victories, our defeats and our courage in facing infertility.
Here is a quote from Jenna who created this torch:
"You are receiving this honor because you have embodied perseverance in the face of difficulty and shared the journey of your experiences with others proving that a single voice can both be a light of support and a source or humor for those in the midst of their struggle. You are acknowledged here today for allowing others to share in your personal story and providing camaraderie through the power of your words. Each of you has faced a struggle that seems insurmountable to others and you have persevered. For some of you this resiliency was always a part of your character and for others, it was your struggle with infertility that awakened it from deep within you. Regardless of passion, stubbornness, a calling to a greater purpose or a refusal to admit defeat, you are an eternal flame of commitment. You are a veteran of your circumstances and you deserve recognition for your journey."
I would like to pass on the torch to: Katie.
Went to the doctor's office this morning. Attention, this might be too much information: AF is not really a full flow, it is more like brown blood. Weird. I wonder whether that is from the progesteron.
The nurse did a blood test this morning. It took forever as it was three vials. Then the other nurse did a sonogramm. Everything looked fine, except two cysts in one ovary. But she thought they are not Endo cysts, but rather normal cycle cysts. I have to call them this afternoon for the results. They also measured my blood pressure, my height, and weight, and I had to leave some urine for testing. All of the last staff is already for the adoption examination. I had asked the agency whether they could email me the forms for the doctor. They emailed me the forms and so I can already do something that we will need anyway for our home study... That way I at least feel like I am making some progress.
Still no news from the agency. I might have to call to make sure they received our paperwork...
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Isn't it terrible, what is going on in the DRC?
, , You might not know this about me, yet, but I am very interested in Africa.
Therefore I was shocked to watch what terrible things are going on in the DR Congo every day.
http://www.democracynow.org/article.pl?sid=07/10/08/1340255
Christine Schuler mentioned that you all can help if you talk about what is going on there. This will hopefully increase press coverage and pressure on our politicians to do something about it.
Here is a link to another article on the atrocities:
http://www.glamour.com/news/articles/2007/08/reallifedrama
I don't really know what to say. It seems so cruel what human beings are capable of doing to each other... I wish I could just go there and adopt a girl to prevent it from having a destiny like this...
AF finally arrived this morning and I called the doctor's office. I will go in there tomorrow morning and then we will officially start our first IUI after three IVF attempts. Normally it is the other way around and you do first IUI and then IVF. But in our case due to financial issues, we will do it this way. As I wrote in an earlier post, I don't really expect it to work anyway as the chances are only 15%... But who knows. I am a little disappointed that AF came so late. If we wanted to do another one this year, it would have to be approximately on Xmas eve. I don't even know whether our doctor's office will be open that day. So it might be just this one... But hey, it is open season and we will be able to get out off our crappy health insurance.
No news from the adoption agency, yet. I am getting nervous that I haven't heard anything. I have to check with them that they received the paperwork. I'll do this tomorrow.
I am thinking about whether we should switch to international adoption. If we have such a hard time to get everything done before we move overseas, it might be easier if we just adopt from overseas. But I also really would like a newborn or an infant. And that seems not possible in an international adoption. Just an idea... If we find out during the home study that our time line doesn't work, we can still switch...
Therefore I was shocked to watch what terrible things are going on in the DR Congo every day.
http://www.democracynow.org/article.pl?sid=07/10/08/1340255
Christine Schuler mentioned that you all can help if you talk about what is going on there. This will hopefully increase press coverage and pressure on our politicians to do something about it.
Here is a link to another article on the atrocities:
http://www.glamour.com/news/articles/2007/08/reallifedrama
I don't really know what to say. It seems so cruel what human beings are capable of doing to each other... I wish I could just go there and adopt a girl to prevent it from having a destiny like this...
AF finally arrived this morning and I called the doctor's office. I will go in there tomorrow morning and then we will officially start our first IUI after three IVF attempts. Normally it is the other way around and you do first IUI and then IVF. But in our case due to financial issues, we will do it this way. As I wrote in an earlier post, I don't really expect it to work anyway as the chances are only 15%... But who knows. I am a little disappointed that AF came so late. If we wanted to do another one this year, it would have to be approximately on Xmas eve. I don't even know whether our doctor's office will be open that day. So it might be just this one... But hey, it is open season and we will be able to get out off our crappy health insurance.
No news from the adoption agency, yet. I am getting nervous that I haven't heard anything. I have to check with them that they received the paperwork. I'll do this tomorrow.
I am thinking about whether we should switch to international adoption. If we have such a hard time to get everything done before we move overseas, it might be easier if we just adopt from overseas. But I also really would like a newborn or an infant. And that seems not possible in an international adoption. Just an idea... If we find out during the home study that our time line doesn't work, we can still switch...
Monday, November 12, 2007
Back in town
So I seriously managed to keep AF away all week while traveling. I was just popping in one progesteron after the after. It worked well and this way we can immediately start with our IUI. But who had thought, that now while I am waiting for AF, she is far from visiting. I am supposed to call the doctor's office once she is here. But of course that will take forever...
My business trip went really well. But I am still glad I am back in town. I don't really travel a lot in my job, but somehow it always seems to interfere with our family planning. The day after our first IVF transfer I had to fly out to San Diego. Of course I was completely stressed out about the timing. Then I had put my progesteron suppositories in my suitcase and couldn't take one during the flight. I was so stressed out about it... No surprise, it didn't work.
No news from the adoption agency, yet. I sent our paperwork in last week before leaving town on Wednesday.
Thank you, Lori, for helping me with the link. I managed to change it in my last post. And it is fantastic to read your comments. It is so nice to know that I am not the only one out there that is going trough infertility. The infertile sisters here provide great support. But I wish we all could leave infertile island...
Sometimes infertility hurts the whole time and I am hurting just thinking about it. And sometimes I can manage to focus on something else instead of thinking about it the whole time. But it is still always there... Wouldn't it be nice to be wondering why you are late with your period, take a home pregnancy test, find out that you are pregnant and nine months later give birth to a wonderful, healthy baby. That is what happens to most couples. But about 10 percent of the population don't have that luck. I wish I was on the other side...
My business trip went really well. But I am still glad I am back in town. I don't really travel a lot in my job, but somehow it always seems to interfere with our family planning. The day after our first IVF transfer I had to fly out to San Diego. Of course I was completely stressed out about the timing. Then I had put my progesteron suppositories in my suitcase and couldn't take one during the flight. I was so stressed out about it... No surprise, it didn't work.
No news from the adoption agency, yet. I sent our paperwork in last week before leaving town on Wednesday.
Thank you, Lori, for helping me with the link. I managed to change it in my last post. And it is fantastic to read your comments. It is so nice to know that I am not the only one out there that is going trough infertility. The infertile sisters here provide great support. But I wish we all could leave infertile island...
Sometimes infertility hurts the whole time and I am hurting just thinking about it. And sometimes I can manage to focus on something else instead of thinking about it the whole time. But it is still always there... Wouldn't it be nice to be wondering why you are late with your period, take a home pregnancy test, find out that you are pregnant and nine months later give birth to a wonderful, healthy baby. That is what happens to most couples. But about 10 percent of the population don't have that luck. I wish I was on the other side...
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Hope crushed!
I just got a call from my RE's office. The blood test I did this morning was a BFN. Again. I am on cycle day 29 today and my temperature has been up the whole time. I was so hopeful that it might have worked naturally. I didn't really have any signs of early pregnancy, but I had to pee - a lot. And so I got my hopes up. With the rising temperature. A little more, every day. And now I feel like my hopes have been crushed again.
Katie, a fellow blogger, has described in her blog "Taking the statistical bullet" exactly how I feel at this second.
http://takingthestatisticalbullet.blogspot.com/2007/10/nothing-to-see-here.html
(I don't know yet how to link a different blog that I quote to my blog, can anyone help me with this?)
I prayed for a long time this morning after a couple of months where I didn't really feel connected to god. Probably I was still angry with him and grieving about our losses. How can he let this happen? Why did he plant this strong desire to be a mom inside me if he makes it so hard to fulfill? Will I ever understand his plan for my life?
And I think I am getting weird. I thought I wait with sending out the adoption paperwork (including the check) until after I hear back from my RE's office. And then I had this weird thoughts that when I send it out before, I will be pregnant (and the money will be gone, but who cares) or if I have spent the postage, I will be pregnant. But of course when I was just on my way to the mailbox, my phone rang with the bad news.
Time to send out the adoption paperwork!!! The first step of fulfilling our dream to expand our family!
Katie, a fellow blogger, has described in her blog "Taking the statistical bullet" exactly how I feel at this second.
http://takingthestatisticalbullet.blogspot.com/2007/10/nothing-to-see-here.html
(I don't know yet how to link a different blog that I quote to my blog, can anyone help me with this?)
I prayed for a long time this morning after a couple of months where I didn't really feel connected to god. Probably I was still angry with him and grieving about our losses. How can he let this happen? Why did he plant this strong desire to be a mom inside me if he makes it so hard to fulfill? Will I ever understand his plan for my life?
And I think I am getting weird. I thought I wait with sending out the adoption paperwork (including the check) until after I hear back from my RE's office. And then I had this weird thoughts that when I send it out before, I will be pregnant (and the money will be gone, but who cares) or if I have spent the postage, I will be pregnant. But of course when I was just on my way to the mailbox, my phone rang with the bad news.
Time to send out the adoption paperwork!!! The first step of fulfilling our dream to expand our family!
Monday, November 5, 2007
A complicated relationship
Update: My mom just called. My brother's girl-friend hosted a surprise party for my brother. My parents went in. I don't know why she didn't tell me. Everything seems alright now. My brother was crying when she hugged him and congratulated him on his birthday... I am so glad that this worked out.
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I was so upset this morning. My brother has his 40th birthday today. And my parents congratulated him............ via telephone. I have to add that they live 3 miles from his house. Their excuse was that my dad couldn't climb the stairs at my brother's house (my brother lives on the third level). How can you do something like this to your son? Especially since they drove 50 miles yesterday to visit my dad's brother and his family. I was so upset when my brother told me about it. He had invited them for a coffee and they had declined. I called my mom and told her that they should at least go there and congratulate him. Even if my dad has to stay in the car and they are only ringing his doorbell to show him that they made the effort to see him. He is their son!!!
She said that he disappointed her a lot this year, but she has forgiven him. Well, if she has forgiven him, why is she behaving like a 5 year old with a tamper tantrum? Why didn't she treat him the way like the lost son in the bible??? I ended up hanging up on her wishing her a great day. I tried to call her later on, but she wouldn't answer the phone.
She even told my brother's girl-friend (with whom she spoke on the phone last night) that she thought whether she should call at all. Of course my brother's girl-friend told him. I don't even want to imagine how much that must have hurt him.
The relationship between my parents and my brother has always been difficult and a complicated one, more so in the last 15 years. I believe my mom is upset that my brother doesn't give her the support she might like with my dad. My dad had a stroke two years ago and hasn't been doing so well since then. He spent 84 days in hospitals this year alone...
My brother has his own business, so he doesn't have the time to take care about the family farm (we don't have any animals any more, but still several fields which are leased). And he is visiting my parents regularly. Maybe not as often as they would like, but he comes there about once a week.
I am still so freaking angry about my mom. I don't really know what to do. They live in Europe, so I can't go and talk to her about it. Why do family relation-ships have to be so complicated???
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I was so upset this morning. My brother has his 40th birthday today. And my parents congratulated him............ via telephone. I have to add that they live 3 miles from his house. Their excuse was that my dad couldn't climb the stairs at my brother's house (my brother lives on the third level). How can you do something like this to your son? Especially since they drove 50 miles yesterday to visit my dad's brother and his family. I was so upset when my brother told me about it. He had invited them for a coffee and they had declined. I called my mom and told her that they should at least go there and congratulate him. Even if my dad has to stay in the car and they are only ringing his doorbell to show him that they made the effort to see him. He is their son!!!
She said that he disappointed her a lot this year, but she has forgiven him. Well, if she has forgiven him, why is she behaving like a 5 year old with a tamper tantrum? Why didn't she treat him the way like the lost son in the bible??? I ended up hanging up on her wishing her a great day. I tried to call her later on, but she wouldn't answer the phone.
She even told my brother's girl-friend (with whom she spoke on the phone last night) that she thought whether she should call at all. Of course my brother's girl-friend told him. I don't even want to imagine how much that must have hurt him.
The relationship between my parents and my brother has always been difficult and a complicated one, more so in the last 15 years. I believe my mom is upset that my brother doesn't give her the support she might like with my dad. My dad had a stroke two years ago and hasn't been doing so well since then. He spent 84 days in hospitals this year alone...
My brother has his own business, so he doesn't have the time to take care about the family farm (we don't have any animals any more, but still several fields which are leased). And he is visiting my parents regularly. Maybe not as often as they would like, but he comes there about once a week.
I am still so freaking angry about my mom. I don't really know what to do. They live in Europe, so I can't go and talk to her about it. Why do family relation-ships have to be so complicated???
Friday, November 2, 2007
A positive meeting with my RE
I have to update my last post. Once the clock hit 7:30 p.m. the kids started pouring in to trick or treat. We ended up having at least 25-30 kids. Some of them had really sweet costumes. I can't wait for the day when we will be able to go to do this with our kids. But that will still take a while... Once again DH showed his amazing skills with kids. He will be a great dad. I can't wait to see him become one.
Thank god, it is Friday. I look forward to having time off and relax a little bit. I will be traveling part of next week so I need to get my stuff ready. I just got back from my RE Dr. Wonderful. He is super nice and we really like him. I went in there really prepared. I brought my cycle charts along and had made a list with all the questions I wanted to discuss with him.
He doesn't think I have a luteal phase problem. He thinks that my progesteron levels just don't reflect yet in my blood. And he is not opposed to me taking progesteron to be on the safe side.
Dr. Wonderful will start the paperwork today so that we can do two IUI cycles before the end of the year. He prefers a stimulated cycle with injectables. Makes probably sense.
On the Miscarriage diagnosis, he still thinks that it is the endometriosis that is causing the miscarriages or failed implantation.
And he has worked with our adoption agency before, so that is good as well. He will be able to do all the paperwork they request. So one more problem solved.
Thank god, it is Friday. I look forward to having time off and relax a little bit. I will be traveling part of next week so I need to get my stuff ready. I just got back from my RE Dr. Wonderful. He is super nice and we really like him. I went in there really prepared. I brought my cycle charts along and had made a list with all the questions I wanted to discuss with him.
He doesn't think I have a luteal phase problem. He thinks that my progesteron levels just don't reflect yet in my blood. And he is not opposed to me taking progesteron to be on the safe side.
Dr. Wonderful will start the paperwork today so that we can do two IUI cycles before the end of the year. He prefers a stimulated cycle with injectables. Makes probably sense.
On the Miscarriage diagnosis, he still thinks that it is the endometriosis that is causing the miscarriages or failed implantation.
And he has worked with our adoption agency before, so that is good as well. He will be able to do all the paperwork they request. So one more problem solved.
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