First meeting with our social worker

I feel like a really bad blogger recently because I don't get to write as often as I would like to. But I have a problem with getting everything done. There is some much work to do before we move overseas. I have started to make a To-Do-List. I will continue to update this blog, but I just might not get to catching up with everything as often as I would like to.

You are probably all waiting for an update from me on how the meeting with the social worker went.

My husband and I both left the house at the same time yesterday morning. And we both came home at the same time. I took that as a great sign. My husband rides his bike to work in the morning. And I commute by bus and metro. How likely is that to happen? I depend on bus schedules and he depends on his training schedules. Our meeting was at 6:30 p.m. and we left the house around 6 p.m. With rush hour traffic I was concerned that we were arriving late, but I was driving and I managed to get us there at 6:25 p.m.

The meeting went great. We clicked from the start and chatted along. I found it really easy to talk to her. I liked her a lot. I think after she talked to our references she already had an idea of who we are. But now she knows for sure. She asked us about how we ended up being there. She asked about the infertility and what support we had. She also asked how we met each other and about our marriage. What we love about each other and where we fight. How we take decisions.

When asked what I love most about my husband, I told her, that I love his honesty, his humor, his faith, and his intelligence. He is the most honest person in the world. He makes me laugh every single day. I admire his faith and his intelligence.

We also talked a lot about our special circumstances with moving overseas and everything. We need to do some more research on our agency before we can fill out the application.

Next week we have the separate interviews where we cover our childhood and youth. Mine is on Monday. The social worker told us she will try to write the home study (10 pages) as we move along. So that means in two to three weeks our home study will be complete. And we will be ready to adopt! Unbelievable...

We still need to take an Infant CPR class. And I would like to take a baby care class. There are also some books that we want to read... I finally feel like we are moving along. And it feels really good! We are going to have a baby! We are going to be a family.

A situation for us???

Finally I have some time to update you. The first day back in the office was hell. There is so much to do on the work front now. But I managed to finally see my desktop again... Who knows how long.

When my hubby picked me up at the airport on Sunday, he told me a story that sounds amazing. He told me that a friend of ours had talked about us with her work colleague. He has some older children in college and a four-year-old. They are thinking about adopting. This colleague obviously was approached by a man about adoption. This man is the uncle to a young man who is the ex boy-friend of a girl he has gotten pregnant. Are you still with me? It sounds complicated just reading it... The pregnant girl doesn't seem to care about the baby and was persuaded by her ex boy-friends family to carry it to term. Her family doesn't seem to be involved at all. Now the family of the ex boy-friend is looking for a family to adopt this baby. The colleague of my friend and his wife have been praying about it. The wife feels like see would rather adopt an older child. So now they are praying whether they should introduce us to the uncle of the ex boy-friend. I wonder what God tells them.

I don't know what to make about this. It sounds very vague to me and we don't know enough to be on the safe side with this. So I told my husband: "I don't want to get excited about this. I want to guard my heart!" It would be fantastic if it would work out, but we don't know enough about this situation.

Tomorrow we are meeting our social worker for the first time. I am very excited about meeting her. While I was gone, she was really busy. She talked to all of our references on the phone or in person... WOW! That is fantastic. At least, now we can go ahead a little bit.

Angelina Jolie is now definitely pregnant again. There were rumors for months, but this picture is the proof. We really need to get going now. She and Brad Pitt have a head start on us with soon 5 (or 6, in case it's twins), it will take us a while to catch up...

I'm still alive

I just wanted to say hi to everybody. I haven't been eaten by wolves or bears, I just have been really busy traveling to Europe. I worked for a couple of days, saw my friends last week and am spending this week with my family. It is not really a vacation, but nice to be around my parents. My mom is so happy to have me as a support here. My dad is doing much better since the last time I saw him. He is even walking without a cane for short distances, which I find very impressive. The last time I saw him he was not doing to well. He was on a medication for his epileptic seizures that caused the salts to leave his body. That caused a terrible diarea and he became weaker and weaker. We had to call 911 several times during my last visit. He had a seizure and he fell on his head on our stone floor at night while he was looking for the bathroom. Fortunately he is now on a different medication and is doing so much better. I am overwhelmed by all the progress he made. He is reading again, which he didn't when I was here last time.

I will write more when I am back next week. Have a great week-end.

1000 visitors and a bad connection

I am just celebrating my 1000th visitor to the blog. It is amazing that so many people from so far 27 different countries are actually reading what I am writing. Thank you!

Yesterday I talked to a lady that was recommended to me by our social worker. She adopted with the agency we have in mind for our adoption and was willing to talk to us. My poor hubby felt really sick. He didn't want to talk to anybody. Instead he wanted to listen to the conversation on the phone. Before I went to our office he was laying in bed. I called the lady and introduced myself. But soon after that the phone connection dropped. We use Vonage and never had this problem before, but recently our online connection hasn't been very good either. I wonder what is wrong there. I called her again and excused myself and talked to her. I figured my hubby would listen me talking and pick up the phone. She told me that she choose the agency because of the safety net, meaning if an adoption falls through you don't end up paying for a birth mother that doesn't place her baby like with some other agencies. We chatted a little and she told me that they had been waiting for 18 months for their second child. But they also had turned down a lot of situations they didn't feel comfortable with. It was important for them to have a birth father involved as well. They have an open adoption with all of the birth parents of their children. The connection was lost again before we finished the call and I had to call again. Fortunately she was so nice to still talk to me. It was very nice of her to share all these personal things with a stranger.

During the conversation I heard my husband move around a little. After I finished I wanted to go and talk to him to see what he thought. I stepped out in the hallway and walked right over him. I don't know why, but he had taken the blanket and was laying in front of the door. Therefore I ended up kicking him when I walked out off the office. I asked him whether he had listened to the conversation. He said that he thought I was going to tell him when he should listen. So he didn't get any of the information I received. Poor little boy! He wasn't doing well. Then I repeated all of the conversation to him. Thank God for Lori, her adoption questions were very helpful to prepare for this conversation.

We are fasting...

Thank you for your comments yesterday. I just wanted to write it down, but I felt much better yesterday already. And thank you P. for your lovely email. I am glad you are my friend in real life.

Today is the beginning of lent. We went to our church last Sunday and the sermon was about fasting. I have never done it before and thought it was nothing for me. My relationship to food is really special. I love to eat. But the sermon has challenged me to try it. It is not yet online, but maybe in a couple of days or so you can watch the webcast of it at www.theaterchurch.com.

After the sermon my hubby and I have decided that this year we will fast today in honor of the Lord. We are skipping breakfast and lunch today. In addition, I will fast TV for a while. I will still watch the news and the Today Show in the morning while getting ready for work, but I will not watch some of my favorite TV shows for 40 days. Which is a lot for me. I love to watch TV, especially in winter when I am hibernating. Fortunately, I will be traveling for two weeks, so there is no problem during this time.

Instead of eating I am dedicating this time to the Lord. I am praying for our family and friends and for all bloggers out there that are struggling. Recently I feel that God is working in me and I am grateful for the transformation I am going through. Even though I was baptized and attended Sunday School as a kid, I never had a relationship with God as my husband has. I am working on it. Because the bible says: "But from there you will seek the LORD your God, and you will find Him if you search for Him with all your heart and all your soul." Book of Deuteronomy, 4:29. I am willing to seek God with all my heart and all my soul.

Hubby and I are also doing a "Seeking God in the City" booklet for forty days, today I am also praying for North and South America. That fits perfectly as we are currently living in North America, but will be moving to South America soon.

Today I am also praying for men. That is what the booklet says for today. I wonder whether I am supposed to pray for Homer. I haven't seen him since our last encounter a couple of weeks ago, where he looked fantastic. He disappeared after that. But the fact that he isn't there, doesn't mean I am not thinking about him when I am walking through the park. I always think, it is better that he is not there. Because it means that he is in a better place than on the street. It was so good to hear him say that he stays in a shelter during the winter. And I hope that he is able to find a permanent home. I am praying that Homer finds a safe place where he can feel home. I am so glad I got this closure after Homer disappeared and the only thing I could find out was that he was in a hospital. I thank the Lord for giving me that closure and for taking care of him.

Our social worker is great. She will interview our references while I am in Europe, so that will be crossed off the list before I come back. We also have scheduled all our interviews with her now. It at least feels more like we are moving ahead.

She also has emailed me the contact information of a family that has adopted with the agency we are thinking about adopting with. So I scheduled a phone call for tonight. I also tried to reach the agency to ask them some questions about our moving situation, but I haven't reached anyone there. Hopefully they will call back soon.

Pregnant ladies in the room

Last week-end we were invited to a party at the house of some friends. I had really feared that get-together as I knew that at least some of the women there were either pregnant or just had had their baby. I thought about not going. My infertile, insecure self said "What is the point of going? People are going to ask questions. They will bring their new babies, children and their huge pregnancy bellies and you will be hurting." But the other self said: "It would look strange, if you wouldn't be there. They might assume you have marriage problems. You have to support your hubby. You have to go". So off we went.

We were one of the first couples to arrive. Next came our friends with their newborn. He was adorable. And everything was fine. I just felt a little awkward being the only one without children.

Next comes the pregnant with twins friend with their adorable two year old. I must have had an expression of pain on my face. Tears started rolling down my cheeks, but I tried to drown them with some white wine. At least one advantage of not being pregnant. You can drink! It worked for a while.

Next comes the next pregnant lady with their adorable three year old. I felt worse, sitting on the couch, downing the white wine next to the newborn's mom. He is her fourth child. First child with IUI, second and third IVF twins and then a surprise without any fertility treatment. She knows of our struggles. She is feeding her baby and asks "So, how is the baby thing going?" That put me over the edge. Tears start running down my face. I have a meltdown. I excuse myself and want to run to the bathroom. Can't find bathroom because I don't know the house. I run outside. Crying. She comes behind. She tells me she can so relate to me. I cry. She tells me that she is so sorry about bringing it up. She tells me she saw my pain when the pregnant ladies entered the room. I tell her about adoption and I tell her how much I hate myself sometimes for not being able to be happy for others. I tell her why I haven't been in touch since the birth. She is very understanding.

We go back inside. Fortunately, no one else has seen my pain and no one else seems to have noticed my meltdown. I spent the rest of the night reading and singing with two children. And I was doing alright. But please don't ask me how the baby thing is going.

Why?

I am at a loss of words for Mary Ellen and Steve. They lost their three precious little girls Lucy, Claire, and Sylvia over the weekend. Please keep her and Steve in your prayers. I can't imagine how much they must be hurting now. The only good news in all of this is that Mary Ellen is doing better physically. But emotionally they have a long road ahead.

I prayed for her and Steve this morning. May the Lord give them the strength to overcome this. May he surround them with loving people who lift them up in their prayers. May he walk with them.

Finally!!!

The social worker called finally. But it happened exactly as I had predicted. She is booked next week. She wanted to do our first meeting the week after that when I will be traveling. She hasn't even received our file yet from the agency. WTF?

But she was super nice and I really look forward to working with her. I told her that she has to deal with the most impatient person in the whole wide world and she could relate to that. I also have her email and telephone numbers now.

I told her about our situation and she promised me to help us to get through this process as soon as possible. She would like to do one interview per week. We now agreed on her trying to get all our references done when I am traveling so that at least that is off the table. She might even schedule the interview with my hubby while I am gone. But she would prefer to do the couple's interview first. I also asked her about the whole moving issue. She mentioned that the agency has legal guardianship of the child while we have physical guardianship. It is something that we need to discuss with the agency we would like to work with. And see whether they have experiences working with military couples. So that is something we can work on. We should have started this whole process two years ago when we first came here. But what did I know?

It will be a struggle and I don't know how it will work out yet. But I pray that the Lord will lead us on this way to fulfilling our dream of becoming a family.