Today, I woke up thinking it was going to rain all day, and I wasn’t going to get to go for a run. I saw that my friends in Texas got rained out of their 10K (and got a yummy breakfast to fill that time!) and decided, since the rain was to hold off til 2, that I should head out. Lacey was in need of some time with me, so she got to go too!

We headed out to our favorite trail, and I told her (you talk to your dog, right?) that we were going out for three miles, and then coming back. No problem.

As we ran, I thought about how much I love this time out in nature. It was warm enough for me to wear a skirt (which I LOVE) and the birds were singing like crazy. Spring is so amazing! Everything coming to life and excited about the warmer weather to come!

This…is how we feel about running outside (finally!)!

Lacey is my run buddy. She keeps me company when I run, and, frankly, looks out for my safety.

Today, however, we got out to mile 3, and just as we turned around, my husband called to say it was raining! It was starting to show signs of rain where we were also, but nothing to be alarmed. That all changed in a half mile! Poor Lacey kept looking at me, as if to say “Why are we still out in the rain?!” We ran back to the car, throught puddles, downpour and lots of laughing! I told Lacey I was sorry, but it was so much fun!

As I ran, I thought about the rain, and my other friend who was doing Ironman Texas, and I was ‘swimming’ for her! (when I got home, I got the alert from her race that it was cancelled, due to the same storms that stopped my other friends from doing their 10K).

The next thoughts, were about how much this rain felt great. How my hat was soaked, my clothes were soaked, and my poor dog, was soaked. It was not cold. It was a beautiful spring rain.

Backtrack a bit…

It’s Sunday. Many people are heading to church on Sunday morning. I’m not going to lie, when I woke up, my first thought was about how long til church…then I decided I would rather run in the woods than go to church. You see, church, the past few years, has been a place of anxiety for me.

I left one church (the place I met my husband) after I noticed I had a difficult time focusing on the message and music, because the people on the stage were not genuine, and presented differently to me when they were out of the spotlight. That is disappointing.

I spent 2 years ‘church shopping’ and didn’t have much luck. It’s not easy to struggle like that, when you want to raise your child knowing who God is, and how important He is to who we are, and where we are going. One day, my husband came home and told me about a church that was starting in the area, and he wanted to be a part of its’ development. Of course, I supported him in this endeavor, and off we headed to be part of what we thought was a leadership/development/startup team for a new church. How exciting!

We worked for a year, helping to make the church a success. We noticed that we weren’t included in certain decisions, which was ok (although I did think it was because we are teachers, and not coorporated executives or people with money to donate.) We continued to help, volunteering weekly in children’s ministries and even getting the kids to help (which they loved). Then, their was a decision made that didn’t include us, but also disregarded the skills and talents we had to offer.

So now, here I am, a year later, hurt by the people. Humans screw up, I get that, but we were gone from the church for over a year, and nobody seemed to notice. Nobody reached out. Nobody ‘cared’.

So, I found other ways to worship. I listen to Christian music all day. I take in the beauty of the outdoors. I am Blessed with the only room in my workplace that gets abundant sunlight. I celebrate the friends who invite me to run with them on races and locally. I rejoice in the beauty and intelligence of my daughter, who God Blessed me with!

See, I find God in the everyday. I find God in the Blessings that I get from being a mom, teacher, wife, dogmom, and friend. I miss the community of church, but am not in a place where I trust it…because, people…

So, off to the forest I run…with Lacey…celebrating God’s beauty and the life I have been given.

Strong Women.

That would be my theme for 2018. It kicked off with the opportunity to be a Skirt Sports Ambassador! What started as an honor, became a life-changing motivation tool. I have never felt such a sense of community, as I do with this crazy, non-stop, inspiring group of women. It really became a source of strength for me when I attended the retreat in June!

Coming home from that retreat, I hit the ground running. I had been slowly building back to running after a forced rest (Achilles drama). I took to continuing with my stepgoal streak. I walked daily at the local high school track, while my daughter took drivers education. While walking, I often chatted with Skirt Sister, Liz Delise, in North Carolina!

I have spent the bulk of my year reaching out to the strong women I met in Colorado, because they were so supportive. The struggle continued to be with feeling loss from my local run groups. It seemed that after an absence, I couldn’t find anyone willing to run with me while I rebuild. It’s been very frustrating, and disappointing. I found that I needed to believe in me and find strength in me, solo. I got out and ran with my BFF, Lacey. She LOVES running with me and never leaves me behind! Even when I stop to get a picture. In fact, she seems to like selfies!

As 2018 came to a close, I am striving to get back to the trails. Back to my local running friends. Back to my running roots…

And… continue to build the friendships I am making through Skirt Sports, because…these women make me see how strong I am in myself…and they don’t without even trying.

Learn more about Skirt Sports…and check out their company and products. It’s so much more than that though!

2019…stronger together!

I’ve been writing this post in my head for a while… usually when I am running. It’s kinda hard to actually write while running, so let’s see if I can pull my thoughts together.

I became an Ambassador for Skirt Sports, because I liked, and agreed with the ideas the company represented. Women, exercising, and looking good… feminine even. I had no idea what I was getting myself into though. There is so much more!

I’d like to post about the travels and adventures that my skirts have been on, but I just don’t travel much outside of my local area. Mom and family responsibilities keep me close to home. I had great plans to go see my Skirt Sister, Liz, run the Marine Corps Marathon, but my daughter had volleyball tryouts. (As a mama herself, Liz understood, and appreciated the thought)

So, my skirt travels are different. You see, I have found my Skirt Sports community to be the most supportive community I have encountered. I have friends from all over the country, and they reach out when I need them, cheer me from a distance, and even help me shop (of course). This community, is such a source of emotional support, that any time I go for a run, and pull on Skirt, I feel stronger, as if they are running with me. So, my skirt travels, in spirit.

That may sound super cheesy or odd, but it’s something you have to experience to understand.

So, to share about my favorite products Gym Girl Ultra (above in Shatter (blue) pattern: my go-to summer skirt, or the Reflective Capri which is keeping my legs warmer in the fall wether, is to share about clothes. I love clothes, don’t get me wrong…and cute clothes are even better. The thing I love about these clothes…they make me feel strong, capable, and cute…all because they represent more than fabric to me.

www.skirtsports.com

I have a gazillion friends. I am a Blessed person…great job, beautiful home…yet, today, as I was feeling so overwhelmed with life, I looked up at the beautiful blue sky and though, ‘maybe now. Maybe, it’s time too rest…(as in, heavenly rest)’

Next thought…who…who should I call? I couldn’t think of a single person who is close to me, and has time to listen…or is trustworthy.

I started to cry, thinking about how lonely I feel. I want to reach out, but I get blown off more often then someone wanting to spend time with me.

I’m so tired. Tired of not being enough for anyone. Tired of letting everyone down. Tired of feeling like a bad wife, mother, friend.

I’m so tired…of feeling guilty because I can’t do it all…the dishes, the laundry, the yardwork, pick up an extra job, rides everywhere, and this is just in the summer…the relaxing time for rest.

I don’t get to see my parents enough. I can’t get away from all the responsibilities here. My siblings never come visit me. I need to drive 3 hours to see any of my family…so, in some respects, I am estranged from them.

I have faith. I know I am a child of God. I read my Bible, listen to uplifting podcasts and Christian music. I try to fill my head and heart with positivity. I go to church, and feel like I am invisible.

My heart has been broken by so many friends and family, it’s hard to trust anyone.

I just want to feel like I am valuable to someone, for who I am. Not told I am valuable…I want to feel valuable. Actions speak louder than words…

Adulting sucks…it’s the loneliest, most unappreciated phase of life…and the longest.

All that weight on my shoulders, and heart…and I still find a way to get up every morning and go for a walk. I go alone or with my dog. I can count on one hand how many times I have had a friend with me in the past several months. I will be strong. My daughter needs me, even though she acts like she doesn’t.

Sometimes, temporary problems last a bit longer. Sometimes, they ripple for years. Still…they don’t require a permanent solution.

So, my last post was about the Ambassador role I was awarded with Skirt Sports…and my shock that I was selected. In that post, which I realize you can go back and read for yourself, I mentioned the three teenage ‘daughters’ that I have in my home, only one that I gave birth to. I take this parenting thing quite seriously.

So, the foster child is what this post is about.

Ok, not really the child herself (she is 17, hardly a child…more like a young adult). I am really frustrated with the ‘system’ and how we, collectively, as humans, don’t take care of each other!

So, as you can imagine, a 17 year old who has been in 4 homes since school started, probably has some stress. I am a firm believer in counseling…we all need to have a safe place to talk and a person to help us with ways to manage those stresses. The ‘system’ has failed this young lady, and my family. I have been requesting the paperwork/permission to get her counseling for almost a month…and nothing. So, I keep pushing.

Don’t get me started on medication, or doctor appointments…

So, why are we failing our children? Why are there so many in foster care? Why am I hearing that in Rockford, IL there are 2500 homeless TEENS! (I couldn’t find this statistic cited, but mentioned by a not-for-profit focused on helping homeless teens) I realize that even the teen living with me is considered homeless, so the definition isn’t clear for those of us not working with children.

I can’t explain to you how frustrated I am with the amount of potential places for these kids to live, and, well, how selfish we, as a community seem to be.

I hope that we all learn from the experience, and, if my soapbox finds some way for me to be an activist…you may hear from me again.

Side note: My initial intent with this blog was for it to be about running. I am seeing an orthopedic surgeon tomorrow about my Achilles, and am really nervous. I have never had a surgery in my life…

Additionally, if you know anything about me or parenting…I am running a lot. Mostly in my car, between 3 different high schools, and 2 different sporting teams, as well as sponsoring a club, and being a graduate student at Northern Illinois University. So…I am running…

Pics from the weekend…(gotta end on a high note, right?) Random goofiness, and proud mama photos…

My left foot/ankle/leg has been giving me a hard time since I started running, in 2012. It has been an ongoing struggle to overcome the pain, from plantar fasciitis, to Achilles tendonitis, I run, PT, recover, run, PT…on and on and on…

So…I made an appointment with an orthopedic surgeon. I’m scared, nervous, and… looking forward to a decision. Will I run again? Will I need surgery? If I do, how long will it take to recover?

February starts with plenty of questions… hopefully I will have answers before March.

Wow. What a weekend.
Friday was Career Day at work. It was a great success (from my vantage point). So many visitors sharing about their professions. Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves and everyone seemed to learn a lot, adults included.

I cried.

Saturday I ran a 9 mile trail run through icy and snowy terain. It was cold. I ran with newer friends and we really had a good time.

Meanwhile,  in Florida, my friend from high school was running the first part of the Glass Slipper Challenge, a challenge I participated in last year.

Today, was the Princess Half Marathon (Part two of the Glass Slipper Challenge). My friend Tammy Alexander signed up to run this with me last year, but couldn’t.  Cancer was attacking her bones and it was just too painful to travel. I am having an emotional day, thinking about her. Lots of tears.
The school district chose two pictures from our Career Day to put on their home page…both were people I met after Tammy’s death, in an effort to raise Lung Cancer Awareness.  I cried when I saw it.
Too many coincidences. What does God want me to do? What is He trying to say?
I am not good with His subtle messages.
I miss her.

Sorry for the disorganized post. I was hopeful that the rambling would help me…

Next year, I hope to go back to the Princess Half, and run with one Tammy to honor another. #R42