New year / birthday resolutions

You know i'm a sucker for these lists... maybe because of my low self esteem thinking that i'm always doing things wrong. OR perhaps it is me acknowledging that there is always room to grow. Today, maybe i'll choose the later and think my glass is half full :)

Some thinking points specially as my birthday comes. It's time again to ponder where I am in my life and where I want to go. 15 days til my birthday!!

Marc and Angel are the authors of 1000 Little Things Happy Successful People Do Differently. Here’s their amazing list of 30 things to start doing for yourself. If you enjoy this, be sure to visit their website for more inspirational advice and tips for life.

#1. Start spending time with the right people. – These are the people you enjoy, who love and appreciate you, and who encourage you to improve in healthy and exciting ways. They are the ones who make you feel more alive, and not only embrace who you are now, but also embrace and embody who you want to be, unconditionally. (scroll down for more)

#2. Start facing your problems head on. – It isn’t your problems that define you, but how you react to them and recover from them. Problems will not disappear unless you take action. Do what you can, when you can, and acknowledge what you’ve done. It’s all about taking baby steps in the right direction, inch by inch. These inches count, they add up to yards and miles in the long run.

#3. Start being honest with yourself about everything. – Be honest about what’s right, as well as what needs to be changed. Be honest about what you want to achieve and who you want to become. Be honest with every aspect of your life, always. Because you are the one person you can forever count on. Search your soul, for the truth, so that you truly know who you are. Once you do, you’ll have a better understanding of where you are now and how you got here, and you’ll be better equipped to identify where you want to go and how to get there. Read The Road Less Traveled.

#4. Start making your own happiness a priority. – Your needs matter. If you don’t value yourself, look out for yourself, and stick up for yourself, you’re sabotaging yourself. Remember, it IS possible to take care of your own needs while simultaneously caring for those around you. And once your needs are met, you will likely be far more capable of helping those who need you most.

#5. Start being yourself, genuinely and proudly. – Trying to be anyone else is a waste of the person you are. Be yourself. Embrace that individual inside you that has ideas, strengths and beauty like no one else. Be the person you know yourself to be – the best version of you – on your terms. Above all, be true to YOU, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it.

#6. Start noticing and living in the present. – Right now is a miracle. Right now is the only moment guaranteed to you. Right now is life. So stop thinking about how great things will be in the future. Stop dwelling on what did or didn’t happen in the past. Learn to be in the ‘here and now’ and experience life as it’s happening. Appreciate the world for the beauty that it holds, right now.

#7. Start valuing the lessons your mistakes teach you. – Mistakes are okay; they’re the stepping stones of progress. If you’re not failing from time to time, you’re not trying hard enough and you’re not learning. Take risks, stumble, fall, and then get up and try again. Appreciate that you are pushing yourself, learning, growing and improving. Significant achievements are almost invariably realized at the end of a long road of failures. One of the ‘mistakes’ you fear might just be the link to your greatest achievement yet.

#8. Start being more polite to yourself. – If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way that you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow that person to be your friend? The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others. You must love who you are or no one else will.

#9. Start enjoying the things you already have. – The problem with many of us is that we think we’ll be happy when we reach a certain level in life – a level we see others operating at – your boss with her corner office, that friend of a friend who owns a mansion on the beach, etc. Unfortunately, it takes awhile before you get there, and when you get there you’ll likely have a new destination in mind. You’ll end up spending your whole life working toward something new without ever stopping to enjoy the things you have now. So take a quiet moment every morning when you first awake to appreciate where you are and what you already have.

#10. Start creating your own happiness. – If you are waiting for someone else to make you happy, you’re missing out. Smile because you can. Choose happiness. Be the change you want to see in the world. Be happy with who you are now, and let your positivity inspire your journey into tomorrow. Happiness is often found when and where you decide to seek it. If you look for happiness within the opportunities you have, you will eventually find it. But if you constantly look for something else, unfortunately, you’ll find that too. Read Stumbling on Happiness.

#11. Start giving your ideas and dreams a chance. – In life, it’s rarely about getting a chance; it’s about taking a chance. You’ll never be 100% sure it will work, but you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work. Most of the time you just have to go for it! And no matter how it turns out, it always ends up just the way it should be. Either you succeed or you learn something. Win-Win.

#12. Start believing that you’re ready for the next step. – You are ready! Think about it. You have everything you need right now to take the next small, realistic step forward. So embrace the opportunities that come your way, and accept the challenges – they’re gifts that will help you to grow.

#13. Start entering new relationships for the right reasons. – Enter new relationships with dependable, honest people who reflect the person you are and the person you want to be. Choose friends you are proud to know, people you admire, who show you love and respect – people who reciprocate your kindness and commitment. And pay attention to what people do, because a person’s actions are much more important than their words or how others represent them.

#14. Start giving new people you meet a chance. – It sounds harsh, but you cannot keep every friend you’ve ever made. People and priorities change. As some relationships fade others will grow. Appreciate the possibility of new relationships as you naturally let go of old ones that no longer work. Trust your judgment. Embrace new relationships, knowing that you are entering into unfamiliar territory. Be ready to learn, be ready for a challenge, and be ready to meet someone that might just change your life forever.

#15. Start competing against an earlier version of yourself. – Be inspired by others, appreciate others, learn from others, but know that competing against them is a waste of time. You are in competition with one person and one person only – yourself. You are competing to be the best you can be. Aim to break your own personal records.

#16. Start cheering for other people’s victories. – Start noticing what you like about others and tell them. Having an appreciation for how amazing the people around you are leads to good places – productive, fulfilling, peaceful places. So be happy for those who are making progress. Cheer for their victories. Be thankful for their blessings, openly. What goes around comes around, and sooner or later the people you’re cheering for will start cheering for you.

#17. Start looking for the silver lining in tough situations. – When things are hard, and you feel down, take a few deep breaths and look for the silver lining – the small glimmers of hope. Remind yourself that you can and will grow stronger from these hard times. And remain conscious of your blessings and victories – all the things in your life that are right. Focus on what you have, not on what you haven’t.

#18. Start forgiving yourself and others. – We’ve all been hurt by our own decisions and by others. And while the pain of these experiences is normal, sometimes it lingers for too long. We relive the pain over and over and have a hard time letting go. Forgiveness is the remedy. It doesn’t mean you’re erasing the past, or forgetting what happened. It means you’re letting go of the resentment and pain, and instead choosing to learn from the incident and move on with your life.

#19. Start helping those around you. – Care about people. Guide them if you know a better way. The more you help others, the more they will want to help you. Love and kindness begets love and kindness. And so on and so forth.

#20. Start listening to your own inner voice. – If it helps, discuss your ideas with those closest to you, but give yourself enough room to follow your own intuition. Be true to yourself. Say what you need to say. Do what you know in your heart is right.

#21. Start being attentive to your stress level and take short breaks. – Slow down. Breathe. Give yourself permission to pause, regroup and move forward with clarity and purpose. When you’re at your busiest, a brief recess can rejuvenate your mind and increase your productivity. These short breaks will help you regain your sanity and reflect on your recent actions so you can be sure they’re in line with your goals.

#22. Start noticing the beauty of small moments. – Instead of waiting for the big things to happen – marriage, kids, big promotion, winning the lottery – find happiness in the small things that happen every day. Little things like having a quiet cup of coffee in the early morning, or the delicious taste and smell of a homemade meal, or the pleasure of sharing something you enjoy with someone else, or holding hands with your partner. Noticing these small pleasures on a daily basis makes a big difference in the quality of your life.

#23. Start accepting things when they are less than perfect. – Remember, ‘perfect’ is the enemy of ‘good.’ One of the biggest challenges for people who want to improve themselves and improve the world is learning to accept things as they are. Sometimes it’s better to accept and appreciate the world as it is, and people as they are, rather than to trying to make everything and everyone conform to an impossible ideal. No, you shouldn’t accept a life of mediocrity, but learn to love and value things when they are less than perfect.

#24. Start working toward your goals every single day. – Remember, the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. Whatever it is you dream about, start taking small, logical steps every day to make it happen. Get out there and DO something! The harder you work the luckier you will become. While many of us decide at some point during the course of our lives that we want to answer our calling, only an astute few of us actually work on it. By ‘working on it,’ I mean consistently devoting oneself to the end result. Read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

#25. Start being more open about how you feel. – If you’re hurting, give yourself the necessary space and time to hurt, but be open about it. Talk to those closest to you. Tell them the truth about how you feel. Let them listen. The simple act of getting things off your chest and into the open is your first step toward feeling good again.

#26. Start taking full accountability for your own life. – Own your choices and mistakes, and be willing to take the necessary steps to improve upon them. Either you take accountability for your life or someone else will. And when they do, you’ll become a slave to their ideas and dreams instead of a pioneer of your own. You are the only one who can directly control the outcome of your life. And no, it won’t always be easy. Every person has a stack of obstacles in front of them. But you must take accountability for your situation and overcome these obstacles. Choosing not to is choosing a lifetime of mere existence.

#27. Start actively nurturing your most important relationships. – Bring real, honest joy into your life and the lives of those you love by simply telling them how much they mean to you on a regular basis. You can’t be everything to everyone, but you can be everything to a few people. Decide who these people are in your life and treat them like royalty. Remember, you don’t need a certain number of friends, just a number of friends you can be certain of.

#28. Start concentrating on the things you can control. – You can’t change everything, but you can always change something. Wasting your time, talent and emotional energy on things that are beyond your control is a recipe for frustration, misery and stagnation. Invest your energy in the things you can control, and act on them now.

#29. Start focusing on the possibility of positive outcomes. – The mind must believe it CAN do something before it is capable of actually doing it. The way to overcome negative thoughts and destructive emotions is to develop opposing, positive emotions that are stronger and more powerful. Listen to your self-talk and replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Regardless of how a situation seems, focus on what you DO WANT to happen, and then take the next positive step forward. No, you can’t control everything that happens to you, but you can control how you react to things. Everyone’s life has positive and negative aspects – whether or not you’re happy and successful in the long run depends greatly on which aspects you focus on. Read The How of Happiness.

#30. Start noticing how wealthy you are right now. – Henry David Thoreau once said, “Wealth is the ability to fully experience life.” Even when times are tough, it’s always important to keep things in perspective. You didn’t go to sleep hungry last night. You didn’t go to sleep outside. You had a choice of what clothes to wear this morning. You hardly broke a sweat today. You didn’t spend a minute in fear. You have access to clean drinking water. You have access to medical care. You have access to the Internet. You can read. Some might say you are incredibly wealthy, so remember to be grateful for all the things you do have.

Credit: marcandangel.com and LifeBuzz

This is such a wonderful list. If we take little steps every day and practice these things, we can make great improvements in our lives. Share this post with your friends and loved ones.

Read more at http://expandedconsciousness.com/2014/04/15/30-things-to-start-doing-for-yourself-5-is-absolutely-vital/#zzwgjKFioaYEy6m1.99

Pope notes

To think and feel and to do.. and all that harmoniously.

Real love is loving and being loved. God loved us first. Allow yourself to be surprised by God.. It well shake you but will help you move forward.

No young museums. Wise young people.
Remember the 3 languages (think, feel, do). Allow yourself to be surprised.

You lack only one thing..What is it? Do you allow others to give to you? Become a beggar. Learn how to beg. Learn how to receive with humility. Be evangelized by the poor. Do you think you have everything? And don't need of anything? This is what helps you mature...to learn how to offer your hand from your very own poverty.

Learn how to love and be loved.

"Why I left my job at google [or HP, for me]"

It was that moment that I realized I was truly free to do whatever I wanted in this world and it was completely up to me to make it happen. It was my life, and I had to stop caring what people thought about it. If I wanted to bake, I should. If I wanted to write, I should. If I wanted to start a company, I should. If I wanted to do nothing, I should. If I wanted to f--- up for once, I should.

...

The truth is that going off the rails into the complete unknown is terrifying and it’s lonely  —  some days I’m so paralyzed with fear about everything I can hardly do anything, but the other truth is a really important and big one: For the first time in my life, my identity is not 100% tied to my accomplishments, I care less about what people think of me, and I spend more time on work that feels right. I am improving my ability to listen to my inner voice and not judge what it wants. I can question myself and answer truthfully.

For me, the answers to those questions led me to make some big changes in my work life, like giving up the job, exploring projects I used to think weren’t worthy enough of my time (baking) and building a start up that is risky and deeply personal (Mend).

...

Though I still only have vague dreams about the destination, I’m no longer constantly looking for the exit, and that’s how I know I’m on the right road. The caveat here is that studying hard my whole life and saving for almost 5 years afforded me the opportunity to have this time completely off payroll, but I think that everyone has the right and responsibility to go to Joshua Tree, metaphorically speaking. Everyone can dial everything back; the hard part is listening to what you have to say and doing something about it.

Read more: https://medium.com/this-happened-to-me/why-i-left-google-c02f1ff471c6#ixzz3J4asSoqO

What has been driving me? Why do I do what I do? Because it had felt to be the right logical thing to do... why so much conflict the past years in the role decisions? Because on one hand being "successful" meant doing something I didn't quite fancy or imagine myself enjoying while on the other hand, I felt like I had been stagnant and unaccomplished by doing what I felt like I wanted to do. But in any case, I did take that product team role and am doing some creating! :) It's a start. I'm not successful in terms of position or salary, but for now I'm happy.

Positive psychology

Writing 3 things you are thankful for each day for 21 days trains your brain to find the positive rather than negative.

Challenge accepted!

Got this idea from Shawn Anchor in his TED talks the happy secret to better work.

Posted via Blogaway

How Can I Pray more this 2014?

Taken from: http://www.ignatianspirituality.com/ignatian-prayer/the-examen/how-can-i-pray/

How Can I Pray?

A great way to pray is to look for God’s presence in your life. More than 400 years ago St. Ignatius Loyola encouraged prayer-filled mindfulness by proposing what has been called the Daily Examen. The Examen is a technique of prayerful reflection on the events of the day in order to detect God’s presence and to discern his direction for us. Try this version of St. Ignatius’s prayer.
1. Become aware of God’s presence. Look back on the events of the day in the company of the Holy Spirit. The day may seem confusing to you—a blur, a jumble, a muddle. Ask God to bring clarity and understanding.
2. Review the day with gratitude. Gratitude is the foundation of our relationship with God. Walk through your day in the presence of God and note its joys and delights. Focus on the day’s gifts. Look at the work you did, the people you interacted with. What did you receive from these people? What did you give them? Pay attention to small things—the food you ate, the sights you saw, and other seemingly small pleasures. God is in the details.
3. Pay attention to your emotions. One of St. Ignatius’s great insights was that we detect the presence of the Spirit of God in the movements of our emotions. Reflect on the feelings you experienced during the day. Boredom? Elation? Resentment? Compassion? Anger? Confidence? What is God saying through these feelings?
God will most likely show you some ways that you fell short. Make note of these sins and faults. But look deeply for other implications. Does a feeling of frustration perhaps mean that God wants you consider a new direction in some area of your work? Are you concerned about a friend? Perhaps you should reach out to her in some way.
4. Choose one feature of the day and pray from it. Ask the Holy Spirit to direct you to something during the day that God thinks is particularly important. It may involve a feeling—positive or negative. It may be a significant encounter with another person or a vivid moment of pleasure or peace. Or it may be something that seems rather insignificant. Look at it. Pray about it. Allow the prayer to arise spontaneously from your heart—whether intercession, praise, repentance, or gratitude.
5. Look toward tomorrow. Ask God to give you light for tomorrow’s challenges. Pay attention to the feelings that surface as you survey what’s coming up. Are you doubtful? Cheerful? Apprehensive? Full of delighted anticipation? Allow these feelings to turn into prayer. Seek God’s guidance. Ask him for help and understanding. Pray for hope.
St. Ignatius encouraged people to talk to Jesus like a friend. End the Daily Examen with a conversation with Jesus. Ask forgiveness for your sins. Ask for his protection and help. Ask for his wisdom about the questions you have and the problems you face. Do all this in the spirit of gratitude. Your life is a gift, and it is adorned with gifts from God. End the Daily Examen with the Our Father.
- See more at: http://www.ignatianspirituality.com/ignatian-prayer/the-examen/how-can-i-pray/#sthash.FI3RS5i2.dpuf

14+ reasons i'm unhappy

I am checking too many off this list (in yellow)! But as they say, knowing is half the battle...
http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/50-reasons-why-you-may-unhappy.html

Had to copy the list itself to make sure i keep a copy

1. You worry.

“I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them have never happened.” – Mark Twain

Worry creates inner turmoil. It’s like a rocking chair moving feverishly, but going nowhere. Worrying doesn’t create action, it freezes you so you are unable to think clearly and make changes to ensure the negative outcome never happens. Your energy would be better utilized in changing things that you can control, and letting the rest go. Bobby McFerrin sang it simply enough, “Don’t worry! Be Happy!” The lack of worry can certainly create happiness!

More to read on: Be Happy With What You Have and Are

2. You hold onto the perceived idea of control.

“As your faith is strengthened you will find that there is no longer the need to have a sense of control, that things will flow as they will, and that you will flow with them, to your great delight and benefit.” – Emmanuel Teney

At times, people seem to believe that they stepped straight out of a superhero comic book. They believe that they can control everything very well and things will just turn out exactly what they planned. What a burden to carry! You would certainly need superman’s strength to pick up that weight. However, the reality is that we don’t have the ability to control anything else other than ourselves. Once you make peace with this, you find the pressure is off and you can start to enjoy the scenery of the journey, instead of plotting the impossibility.

3. You hold grudges.

“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” – Mark Twain

Holding a grudge has about the same logic as drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. You are harming yourself by carrying all of that negative energy. Let the bitterness go… for your own benefit. The person who criticized you is probably having a great time without giving you a second thought, while you waste your life sending them death rays with your mind.

4. You believe everyone should play by your rules.

“If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair, you’re fooling yourself. That’s like expecting the lion not to eat you because you didn’t eat him.”

News flash: the world doesn’t live by your rule book. The sooner you accept this, the happier you will be. No one else got your memo about the way things should be done, how they should treat you, or how to live their lives by your standards and beliefs. People often get angry because someone violates their deeply-held ideals. Yet, trying to do an impossible task – getting everyone to live by your idea of perfection – is bound to create a lot of frustration. Simply take people as they are and appreciate the colorful spectrum of ideas and viewpoints, instead of feeling exasperated by them.

5. You compare yourself to others.

“Saying someone is ugly doesn’t make you any prettier.”

Most people play the internal comparison game. Usually, they scrutinize only one small area of that person’s life and see where the match up. For example, I may compare myself to Ironman Champion and Olympian Matt Fitzgerald and determine he’s a better triathlete than me. (We aren’t even in the same stratosphere by the way.) However, this is only one small area of life. Who knows? Maybe I can ride horses or sing better than him? Looking at only a small fraction of a whole person and ranking that part against yourself is a pointless activity. You are so much more than this one piece of your life that you have under the microscope at the moment. This habit will only create discontent in your life. If you simply can’t stop measuring things, take an inward comparison dive instead. Are you a better person than you were yesterday?

6. You chose to be happy only when all of your dreams come true.

“Happiness is not determined by what’s happening around you, but rather what’s happening inside you.  Most people depend on others to gain happiness, but the truth is, it always comes from within.”

Who is the happier person, the one who decides, “I will be happy when I make 100 million dollars,” or the one who believes, “I will be happy with a great supper and time with my family?” Having lofty goals are great. But when you tie your happiness to future successes that may or may not happen, you never find joy in the life you live today. Find things that thrill you today, and let tomorrow surprise you.

7. You are a glass-half-empty person.

“You become what you focus on and like the people you spend time with.”

If you’re a pessimistic person, you will notice all of the bad in your life. Your perception becomes your reality. Instead, choose to focus on the best in people, the brighter moments, and the beauty and blessings surrounding you. The more you focus on the sunshine, the less the shadows will invade your perspective.

8. You are lonely.

The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved.”
― Mother Teresa

We are naturally social creatures and nurturing relationships makes up a large part of life. If you find yourself alone and depressed on a Saturday night, make an effort to change it. Finding friendships will certainly improve your enthusiasm for what each day brings. How do you find good friends? Seek out social settings with people who share similar interests and beliefs to build a common foundation and launch a great relationship. Smile, reach out, and be genuinely interested in others. You will be surprised how far this will get you in building life-long connections.

9. You seek materialism over everything else in life.

“Many people are so poor because the only thing they have is money.”

While money certainly is a great gain in this life, it doesn’t bring happiness. Think about how you would feel if tomorrow was your last day to breathe. Would you really want to make more money, or would your focus turn to connecting with people or having certain experiences? If you live by your values, you will find more fulfillment than materialism could ever bring.

10. You don’t make time for the right things.

“When you stop chasing the wrong things you give the right things a chance to catch you.”

We all lose our focus at times. However, keeping your activities aligned with your values is helpful in keeping a positive perspective. One good exercise is to list your values and rank them by their importance to you. Then, see how many of your daily activities actually align with your values. Is there a disconnect? If so, what can you do to change it?

11. You hang out with unhappy people.

“When you have to start compromising yourself and your morals for the people around you, it’s probably time to change the people around you.”

You are the sum of the five people you spend the most time around. If your friends are constant sources of negativity in your life, it may be time to find more positive people.

12. You haven’t discovered your purpose.

“Trying to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.”

So many people have subscribed to the lie that their life purpose is to make it to the weekend. No wonder there are so many miserable clock punchers in the world! Instead of existing, find a way to start living! Find your passion and purpose and pursue them, despite the fact that it may turn the mundane inside out and terrify you. Discovering your part in the story is one of the best pieces in life’s adventure!

13. You are more of an actor than an author.

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest achievement.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

You do the world a huge disservice when you try to be someone you’re not. Be authentic. Playing a part you weren’t meant to play to meet outside expectations is just asking for heartache. Even when you try to push down the pit in your stomach, a part of you will always know you are emotionally compromising yourself and your happiness to read lines that you didn’t write, and worse, don’t believe in.

14. You’re stuck in your past.

“You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.”

Many people become the product of their pasts. They are the causalities of regret, sorrow, what ifs, and hindsight vision. While we can all learn from our past, staying there is not practical to living in the present. The past can’t be changed or relived. To constantly dwell on it does not create an emotionally healthy outlook.

15. You keep thinking about your future and can’t enjoy today.

“What you do today determines who you will be tomorrow.”

Some people focus so much on the stars that they miss the entire journey’s sights, experiences, and lessons learned in getting there. Find as much joy in the adventure as in obtaining the end goal. If you don’t, you will be frustrated until your future vision is reality. Since this may or may not happen, why limit yourself when you can find just as much happiness in the quest as in the destination?

16. You’re unhealthy.

“The way you think, the way you behave, the way you eat, can influence your life by 30 to 50 years.” – Deepak Chopra

How you value fitness, healthy eating, stress reduction, and sleeping all impact how much happiness you feel. Emotions are linked to many physical properties in your body. The mind – body connection is very real, and often just adding exercise, sunshine, extra shut-eye, or a healthier diet can improve your mood immediately.

17. You’re a perfectionist.

“In order to go on living one must try to escape the death involved in perfectionism.” – Hannah Arendt

There are three main types of perfectionism: self perfectionism – where you expect perfection from yourself; social perfectionism – where you believe others expect you to be perfect; and other perfectionism – where you expect others to be perfect. All three examples can be happiness busters. Being perfect is an unrealistic goal for you to place on yourself or others. Constantly falling short of the unattainable will continuously keep you blue.

18. You’re afraid of failure.

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” – Winston Churchill

Some people are so afraid of making a mistake that they never try. Just imagine how that would have worked out when you were learning to walk! You’d probably still be crawling. Unfortunately, we sometimes lose our bravery as adults and fear trying anything because it may not work. If you embrace this mindset, you will never live up to your potential. This can create a huge dissatisfaction in your life.

19. You’re insecure.

“The task we must set for ourselves is not to feel secure, but to be able to tolerate insecurity.” Erich Fromm

Growth happens outside of our comfort zones. If you are too insecure to move out from the familiar, you will never know the joy of conquering your fears and finding your wings. After all, a bird has to eventually jump to discover he can fly. You can’t stay in the nest forever and be happy watching others soar.

20. You’re in debt.

“A man in debt is so far a slave.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Too much debt can cause stress, broken relationships, and financial hardships. Working out a plan to get out from under pain of payments can often bring peace of mind.

21. You seek validation.

“Learn to love yourself first, instead of loving the idea of other people loving you.”

If you keep looking for others to determine your own worth, you will always be disappointed. No person except you should have the power to determine your happiness or value.

22. You neglect personal relationships.

“Don’t choose the one who is beautiful to the world; choose the one who makes your world beautiful.”

Most deathbed confessions don’t laminate spending more time chained to the office or making money. Most people regret the relationships that were neglected in pursuit of things that suddenly lost their importance. Remember, don’t neglect your friends and family. Their love is more valuable than anything else in the end.

23. You procrastinate.

“Know the true value of time; snatch, seize, and enjoy every moment of it. No idleness, no laziness, no procrastination: never put off til tomorrow what you can do today.” – Lord Chesterfield

Procrastination is an endless spiral into frustration. The more you do it, the heavier your load. It’s like trying to run a marathon while picking up rocks along the way. Eventually the stress gets too heavy.

You should finish projects and drop those rocks so you stay light and able to maneuver through your day without dragging 20 other projects you have put off behind you.

24. You’re not learning.

“Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young.” – Henry Ford

Learning new things brings joy in the discovery of growth. If you’ve stopped learning, embrace a new hobby or discover a new interest. You will find that the excitement of learning brings you extra spring.

25. You have unrealized dreams.

“All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.” – Walt Disney

The ghosts of dead dreams can haunt us. Fortunately, you can always breathe new life into your vision by finding the courage to follow new and exciting possibilities.

26. You’re bored.

“The life of the creative man is lead, directed and controlled by boredom. Avoiding boredom is one of our most important purposes.” – Susan Sontag

Many people go through life unchallenged, and this can lead to boredom. After all, technological conveniences, safety regulations, and the ease of modern living can often take the adventure out of life. Some people get stuck in a rut, and become dull without the rough stuff to sharpen things up a bit. There are many ways to still find the wild in your life. You just have to make it a goal to do things that scare you enough and wake you up to the amazing life adventures available to you.

27. You’re too busy.

“Don’t say you don’t have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Mother Teresea, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, Albert Einstein, etc…”

If you are spending your time being busy instead of being focused on the things that make you feel alive, you will find happiness an elusive pursuit. Instead of just being busy, learn to refocus your time so that you are effective, while not wasting time on things that won’t contribute to the best life. After all, you can find many things that take up your time, but don’t take you anywhere.

28. You don’t sleep enough.

“I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I’m awake, you know?” – Ernest Hemingway

People who suffer from insomnia have a 10-fold chance of developing depression compared with those who sleep well. Sleep issues have also been linked to many other health issues. So, if you aren’t sleeping well, it’s time to remedy this issue.

29. You don’t spend enough time alone.

“Solitude is the place of purification.” – Martin Buber

Sometimes, we don’t take the time to separate ourselves from the noise of life to just rejuvenate our minds and focus inward. It’s okay to take time to be alone in a way that relaxes you; whether that’s having a coffee on a park bench under a tree or taking a week-long backpacking trip through the Alaskan mountains. However you spend your solitary moments, don’t forget to take time to step away from all the craziness of life and refocus. Your mental mojo will thank you!

30. You don’t take the time to set goals.

“Setting goals is the first step in turning the invisible into the visible.” – Tony Robbins

An aimless life is the source of disappointment and frustration in life. Instead of just letting things happen to you and trying to keep up, create your own future by setting goals and following through on them. One of the greatest joys in life is seeing a goal come to fruition.

31. You’re dependent.

“The greatest gifts you can give your children are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence.” Denis Waitley

While it may be easier to depend on others, becoming independent is one of the hallmarks of adulthood. Those that cling to others with no plan to break free often struggle with self-esteem. It’s hard to find your wings when weighed down by other people’s agendas.

32. You don’t think you deserve happiness.

“We all of us deserve happiness or none of us does.” – Mary Gordon

Some people have the warped idea that they don’t deserve happiness. They may have guilt about their past and feel they should be punished, or just don’t feel that they are worthy of such an emotion. Happiness is something everyone should experience. If you don’t feel you are worthy of it, it is time for a re-adjustment of perspective. Give yourself permission to find your happy place.

33. You’re always just one step away.

“Greed is a bottomless pit which exhausts the person in an endless effort to satisfy the need without ever reaching satisfaction.” – Erich Fromm

If you are someone who is always one step away from being satisfied, this may be hurting your chances for happiness. If everything is just out of reach, you will never experience the fun you can have in every moment given to you. If there is always something you need to fill up your life, when will this end? Most people who think this way don’t realize that they will never be able to satisfy the greed monster inside. They truly believe their own self lie that if they just have this one last thing, happiness will find them. Those who learn to embrace the joy of the moment, instead of putting it off to a distant future that will never happen, will find that they love life so much more than those always trying to fill the bottomless pit.

34. You ignore opportunities.

“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Jefferson

Sometimes, when opportunity comes to knock on the door, people just decide to keep the TV droning on and not to answer the door. Or, the opportunity looks too much like work, or pushes them out of their comfort zone that they choose to pass on it. However, if this becomes a habit, you will find yourself frustrated when you see times where you passed when you should have held on with every fingernail fiber. It’s hard to be happy when you can’t hold onto the good things that come your way. Take the risk, and jump; you may be surprised how much it changes your life for the better.

35. You’re complacent.

“Don’t let your special character and values, the secret that you know and no one else does, the truth – don’t let that get swallowed up by the great chewing complacency.” – Aesop

It’s very easy to become complacent. Yet, you can leave this monster any time you want to start swimming toward a better future instead of floating wherever the waters take you. There is a joy found in the struggle that you will never experience in a passive existence.

36. You hate your job.

“Whatever your life’s work is, do it well. A man should do his job so well that the living, the dead, and the unborn could do it no better.” – Martin Luther King Jr.

You spend most of your life working. So, if you are in a job that you hate, it’s really hard to keep a happy outlook. The best way to change your life is to begin working toward your passion, not just a paycheck.

37. You chase the wrong things.

“When you stop chasing the wrong things you give the right things a chance to catch you.”

Sometimes we get confused about what really is important for us. Do a deep dive inside to discover what you value most. Then, don’t waste your life chasing the things that don’t really matter.

38. You have no spiritual life.

“In the mental calmness of a spiritual life, I have found that the answers to the whys in our lives are able to come to you.” – Clarence Clemons

Many studies have shown a correlation between spirituality and increased happiness. Being part of a group of like-minded people who focus on helping others and unconditionally loving people certainly would help you find fulfillment in life. Also, many people find prayer and meditation to be very calming and beneficial to their emotional well being. All of these factors, as well as many others, contribute to an overall better mental outlook of people plugged in to the spiritual realm.

39. You have no real friends.

“Making a hundred friends is not a miracle. The miracle is to make a single friend who will stand by your side even when hundreds are against you.”

While your world may be full of acquaintances, if you don’t have a few close friends that will stick by you no matter how rough the storm is , you will find yourself in a sad state. Life is about connecting with people, and if you aren’t sure how strong yours are, it may be time to find some friends who will always be there. You will feel more confident in your future by knowing that you will always have support.

40. You’re afraid of yourself.

“I’m sure not afraid of success and I’ve learned not to be afraid of failure. The only thing I’m afraid of now is of being someone I don’t like much.” – Anna Quindlen

As strange as it sounds, many people are afraid of being themselves and don’t trust their own instincts. While no one is perfect, if you can’t trust yourself, who else can you trust? Learning to put faith in your own decisions and life course will create a much more satisfying journey than constantly doubting yourself.

41. You care too much about what others think.

“Too many people buy things they don’t need, with money they don’t have, to impress people they don’t know.”

Once people finally accept the reality that you can’t please everyone, life gets so much easier. In fact, having a goal to try to please everyone will simply drive you crazy. There is no reason to exist with other people’s motives and thoughts whispering in your ear. Break free of the people-pleasing cycle and learn to live your own life.

42. You don’t relax.

“To have faith is to trust yourself to the water. When you swim you don’t grab hold of the water, because if you do you will sink and drown. Instead you relax, and float.” – Alan Watts

All work and no play will drive all happiness far away. We all need some down time. If you aren’t getting enough, you are probably fighting back some frustration and stress that don’t have to hold you down. Learn to place a higher priority on learning to de-stress. Your mental and physical health will improve dramatically if you learn to take time to rest and rejuvenate.

43. You don’t take risks.

“Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.” T.S. Elliot

Many people don’t push their life to the limits. If you’re feeling a bit unchallenged and unchanged, maybe it’s time to revisit some risks and push yourself a bit farther. You may find yourself exploring uncharted territory while your friends kick back into the easy-chair arms of the familiar. The excitement of getting over your previous limits creates an enticing existence.

44. You’re impatient.

“Never cut a tree down in the wintertime. Never make a negative decision in the low time. Never make your most important decisions when you are in your worst moods. Wait. Be patient. The storm will pass. The spring will come.” Robert Schuller

I’ve always struggled with patience. It’s so hard to wait, but sometimes that’s all you can do. When you learn to approach times where circumstances force you to slow down, try to keep a positive outlook on the situation. After all, the time will pass either way; you can choose to be calm and take your time to make the best decision, or you can make a hasty turn that takes you down a much worse road.

45. You don’t learn from your mistakes.

“You cannot change what you refuse to confront.”

Have you ever noticed how some people never seem to learn? Even though they always come to horrible outcomes, they continue with the same pattern of self-destruction. While it’s easy to see this happen to others, it’s much harder to recognize it in ourselves. If something goes wrong, as tempting as it may be just to block the memory, it’s far better to think through how the negative result occurred and how you can avoid replicating it in the future. Our mistakes do serve a purpose, no matter how painful it is, we need to learn from them.

46. You don’t have a dog.

“A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.” – Josh Billings

Pet therapy is so effective, it is utilized by hospitals, nursing homes, and disaster relief agencies such as FEMA. Studies show that petting animals releases oxytocin, a feel-good hormone, in both the dog and human. It just stands to reason that having your own live-in pet therapist with a waging tail and puppy-dog eyes will make you smile and brighten your day.

47. You equate comfort with happiness.

“Western culture has things a little backwards right now. We think that if we had every comfort available to us, we’d be happy. We equate comfort with happiness. And now we’re so comfortable we’re miserable. There’s no struggle in our lives. No sense of adventure. We get in a car, we get in an elevator, it all comes easy. What I’ve found is that I’m never more alive than when I’m pushing and I’m in pain, and I’m struggling for high achievement, and in that struggle I think there’s a magic.” – Dean Karnazes

Just because you’re comfortable in your life and job, doesn’t mean you’re necessarily happy. Learn to distinguish between the two feelings. You may discover that even though you have a cushy life, you are dealing with depression. If so, find what makes you happy, and pursue it even at the cost of your comfort.

48. You don’t love yourself.

“If you are happy, you can give happiness. If you don’t love yourself and if you are unhappy with yourself, you can’t give anything else but that.” Gisele Bundchen

It is impossible to find happiness if you don’t love yourself enough to pursue it. While it may be hard to get out of the boxing ring, it’s time to stop beating yourself up and learn to love the person in the mirror.

49. You play the victim card.

“It’s hard to be happy when the world is conspiring against you. People who take on the role of a victim, are never happy. This is because they don’t have any control. They believe that their unhappiness has been caused by an external factor and it can only be taken away by the external factor. They live in the miserable land of ‘if only.’”

If you live your life as a victim, you also believe the lie that you have no power to change it. That’s not a way to embrace a meaningful existence. Instead, change your faulty belief systems and empower yourself to take responsibility for your actions and the corresponding reactions you encounter. Never give your power away to someone else.

50. You don’t allow yourself to be happy.

“You know why it’s hard to be happy? It’s because we refuse to let go of the things that make us sad.”

So, what are you holding onto that’s making you sad? It’s a fair question to ask yourself. Sometimes, we consciously choose unhappiness because we can’t let go. Or, we unknowingly chose it because we haven’t taken a good, hard look at our lives and discovered what we need to cut out. The choice to be happy ultimately lies in your hands. Happiness doesn’t have to be elusive. Sometimes, all you have to do is  to open the door to the thrilling possibilities before you.