Arkansas EPIC Road Trip

On a road trip like this, I tend to do a little write-up after the fact.  Kind of a journal of sorts.  It's from my perspective and what you read will be mostly true, but I completely understand if you stop right here and delete the email.

OK.  If you're reading this line then you're still with me.  The brainchild of this road trip took shape many years ago when the home and home with Arkansas was announced.  I have four states left to visit and Arkansas is one of them.  I figured I would go to the game and kill two birds with one stone.  The predecessor to this trip was a jaunt to Tennessee back in 2019.  You can read about it here:  http://scogg.blogspot.com/2019/10/tennessee-epic-road-trip.html.  You might even remember the game which culminated with this mini-miracle to send the game to overtime: https://youtube.com/clip/UgkxuWkBPAtHLp_XqbooQgkXP_Vt6UHL0Jxu?feature=shared.  The title of the blog post was Tennessee Epic Road Trip, because, well, it was an epic road trip.

We've had a couple other road trips over the years.  In 2011 a few of us made the trip to Vegas for the MWC Basketball Tournament.  Jimmermania was in full force.  You can ask Mark Christensen about it.  I'm sure he still has fond memories.  A group of us also made another trip to Vegas in 2017 for the BYU-UNLV game.  Keep in mind this is the 4-9 season for BYU.  Maybe some will remember the illustrious Joe Critchlow quarterbacking the Cougars to victory.  Both trips were good.  The company was better, but the opportunity to go into SEC country makes these trips a little more epic.  We also had the trip to Vegas for the Arizona game in 2021 in which spouses joined us.  Cursing was kept to a minimum with all of these fine ladies joining us and overall was a great trip.

Coming along to the Tennessee game was me, Chris Hillman, Rick Davis, Jamie Davidson, JJ Allen, Spencer Kyle and Rodger Worthen.  Rodger has since passed away, but his memory lived on during the Arkansas Road Trip.  So why is it important that I list who came to Tennessee?  Because it was the same crew that came to Arkansas.  You may ask, why was it the same crew?  Because, (1) THESE GUYS KNOW HOW TO PARTY!!! (2) They knew what an epic road trip would look like.  We did add David Packard to the trip in replacement of Rodger.  It's obvious that David can spot epicness (I think I just made that word up) a mile away.  Or at least 20 feet away which is the distance from my office to his.  

You wonder how a young David was going to mesh with all of these crusty old guys on a trip like this.  David happens to be a Seinfeld savant.  Quoting numerous lines had him fitting in right away.  Him and Rick could go on for hours exchanging Seinfeld quotes and thus an acceptance was forged.  Welcome to the party, David.

You may remember (or not) an email I sent on Friday, January 13th at 4:16 p.m. inviting any and all to join me on a road trip to Arkansas for the BYU game.   Here were the immediate responses:

Rick Davis- "Count me in!"  (Email was sent 3 minutes after I sent my original email.  I'm guessing his wife wasn't consulted.)

JJ Allen- "Don't even need to think about it.  I'm in."  (13 Minutes after original email)

Chris Hillman- "I'm in if there is a Waffle House in Fayetteville."  (Email sent the next day.  Probably saved his marriage by consulting with Julie first.)  I'm guessing there is a Waffle House in Fayetteville, but there was for sure a Waffle House in Bentonville.  More on that later.

Seth Perrins-  "Maybe I might come, I think, or maybe not.  We'll see.  If I get around to it.  Or something."  (OK, not actually verbatim like the other responses)  Spoiler:  Seth didn't make the trip.

Commitments from Jamie, Spencer, and David came later and we were set.  Tickets were secured via the Cougar Club.  Flights were arranged and the literal countdown began.  

One issue with the Tennessee trip was that it was pretty quick.  We flew in on a Friday, went to the game on Saturday and flew home on Sunday.  I wanted us to have a little more time together so I decided that I would fly into Dallas on Thursday before the game, rent a car and drive to Fayetteville (5.5 hour drive) on Friday.  Go to the game on Saturday and fly home on Sunday.  I propose this to the group.  They have the option of flying into Fayetteville and meeting us at the game or flying into Dallas and driving in.  Unsurprisingly everyone chose to fly into Dallas and drive to Arkansas.  Chris Hillman offers to host the group on Thursday night at his home.  We take him up on it.

For those of you on this Pickem that don't know Chris.  Let me tell you a little bit about him.  Chris is the City Manager of Irving, Texas.  Irving is a suburb of Dallas.  Back in the day it was the home of the Dallas Cowboys.  A few years back Chris was an unrestricted free agent living in Surprise, Arizona.  My numbers might be a little off, but Chris was offered a $10M signing bonus and an annual salary that would make a pro athlete blush to be the city manager of Irving.  Think Shohei Ohtani type numbers (at least Adam Lenhard will get this reference).  Chris's home was amazing.  I think he's neighbors with Jerry Jones.  We each had our own private room, bathroom, jacuzzi, butler, maid, and masseuse.  And we were staying in the guest house.  It's pretty much what you would think a Texas city manager would have.  Right, Rick?  

OK, maybe that was a slight exaggeration.  I will say the Hillman's were awesome hosts.  Chris had city council meeting the night we arrived, but Julie had everything arranged for us when we got there and even cooked us breakfast in the morning.  If Chris's household is anything like mine, it was really Julie who did all the work to host us.  I'm sure Julie will never read this, but kudos to her for being very welcoming.

Jamie and I were on the same flight coming in and Spencer landed about the same time we did coming from Portland.  We all flew Delta to DFW.  JJ, David and Rick came in a few hours later so we had time to go pick up our transportation for the trip.   Which was a Ford Transit 12 passenger van.  I searched and searched for something nicer but I didn't want to (A) Have the van cost more than the plane tickets and (B) Have us cram into a mini-van where three grown men had to share the back seat.  So we settled with the Ford Transit van with some "experienced" seat coverings.  But what do I care, I'm driving the whole time and my seat was just fine.

Snacks.  Critical component of a road trip.  However, I think half of these were eaten by me on the flight to Dallas.

After we snag the van we have a few hours to kill so we stop in Downtown Dallas to check out the JFK assassination spot.  Kind of morbid but kind of interesting.  There is an actual X painted on the road at the exact spot where JFK was shot.  Just to the right less than 100 yards away was the grassy knoll.  If you've ever seen the movie JFK it delves into numerous conspiracy theories on his assassination.  If you can get through the 200 F bombs, it's actually a pretty interesting movie.  Well, I think a couple of people at the site had watched the movie a too few many times.  We were approached a couple of times with people trying to tell us that Lee Harvey Oswald didn't act alone.  In my personal opinion, I don't think Oswald acted alone, but don't buy into the many conspiracy theories that the CIA, FBI, Fidel Castro, the Mob, the Republicans, the Avengers, and Barbie were all in on it.  They had a JFK museum at the Dallas Book Depository where Oswald shot from.  It was like $30.  No thanks.  I'll just watch the movie again.

After that we were on to Dallas Love Airport to pick up Rick, David and JJ, which I believe only services Southwest Airlines.  It's for cheapskates.  (No offense JJ, David or Rick)  I'm not even sure if they have jetways or if they just open the door and throw you out of the airplane.  Rick is first to arrive at 3:45 p.m.  We get to the airport a few minutes early and realize that Rick had just barely got off the plane.  With a tiny airport like Dallas Love I assumed that the exit from the plane to the front door was about 20 feet.  Apparently it was a little longer than that so we circled the airport about, I don't know, 40 or 50 times.  Finally we get Rick on board and we have to wait until 6:25 p.m. to pick up JJ and David.  So we go find a place to park a mile or so away from the airport and sit and chat.  Now that we have Rick with us there are plenty of things to chat about.  Mostly from Rick.  Which, if you know me, keeps me really entertained.  We head back over to the airport and you would think we would have learned our lesson.  We didn't.  While waiting for JJ and David to get to the curb we do another 40-50 laps.  Really for Rick's benefit.  He missed out on the first round.  Finally JJ and David are aboard and we're off to dinner.

If you've been on one of these trips then you know food is a big part of it.  Hard 8 BBQ was recommended that evening for dinner and it didn't disappoint.  We drove about 20 minutes out of our way to go to this place and it was worth it.  Great start to the trip!  BBQ in Texas.  Check.

Ha!  Just barely noticed the guy photo bombing us through the window.

As mentioned earlier we stayed at the Hillman house.  We only stayed up till about 1:00 a.m. just to prep us for the rest of the trip.  It was like re-living our college years all over again. 

The next morning we have a nice breakfast and we're ready to go.

As we pull out of town we deem our first stop to be at Buc-ee's.  If you are not familiar with Buc-ee's it is essentially a mega-convenience store.  I am a lover of convenience stores.  It drives my wife crazy whenever we travel.  As Chris and Rick described Buc-ee's, it was clear that we needed to make a stop there.  Even if we had to drive 20 minutes out of our way.  I will say that Chris and Rick overhyped this place beyond imagination.  And after I walked in I realized they completely undersold it.  Convenience stores are about drinks and easy to access food.  Bucc-ee's had that in spades.  It had a bakery, 100 different jerky flavors, breakfast burritos, brisket tacos, brisket sandwiches, and probably about 30 other things that I can't remember.  It had about 10 different drink stations.  It had these things called Beaver Nuggets.  They have the same addictive qualities as crack cocaine.  They even had all sorts of shopping which I didn't even look at.  I was too enamored with all the food.  It made me jealous that we don't have these in Utah.  Time to ramp up economic development in Pleasant Grove.

So with a full gas tank and full bellies, we set off for Arkansas.  I can't stress enough how much I love road trips.  I love to drive.  It's even better when it's with people that you like and want to be around.  Our group has commonalities so it wasn't hard to come up with discussion topics.  We purposely decided to focus on the positive aspects of working in city government.  We talked about our favorite council members and Mayors.  We talked about our greatest achievements in city government.  I mean, seriously, we do some awesome things and it's hard to talk about it without making it sound like you're bragging.  Because we were in a safe space, we allowed ourselves to talk about some of the good things we've done.  If there was anybody in the world that was going to 'get it' it was the people in this van.  This was my favorite part of the road part of the trip.  We also talked about our most favorite vacation we've ever been on.  We all felt pretty good about ourselves until Chris took his turn.  That guy has done some amazing stuff.  He's a guy you want to hang with.  I'm just sayin'.  We discussed our favorite BYU game we ever attended as well as the worst one we attended.  We also talked about our favorite Temari Pickem member.  Can't really remember Dixon being brought up.  OK, cheap shot at Matt.  We didn't talk about that.  But I'd be curious how that conversation would have went if we did.  

Rick was anxious to move to the next phase which is our worst council member.  In a stab at keeping positive we decided that we would broach that subject on the way home and only if BYU lost.  If they won, then we wouldn't discuss it.  We were all making plans to have this discussion on the way home.  However we did talk a little college football.  The University of Utah even came up in discussion.  I suggested that there were a few positive things to come out of the U including guys like Britain Covey.  As I made the comment, I glance at Rick and I see fire in his eyes, steam coming out his ears and his fists balled up.  I thought he was going to punch me.  I have to say, the U of U, Rick's not a fan.  Neither is Chris for that matter.  We let these guys take a few minutes to vent their frustrations.  Chris tells us a story of his 2008 Rice Eccles experience.  His disdain for the Utes is justified.  I was at that same game and it was my worst college football experience.  And I've been to Laramie a few times.  Regradless, we didn't have Mark, Gary, Cory F., Tom S., Cameron, Kyler B., Owen, or whatever closet Utes we have on the Pickem to defend the Utes honor.  Maybe next time.

We make our way across Texas and then into Oklahoma.  A couple of us got to cross Oklahoma off the list of states that we have visited.  We then venture into Arkansas and grab a bite to eat in Ft. Smith.  We stop and eat at Ed Walker's Drive-In.  I love places like this.  Standard drive-in fair.  Burgers and fries.  And probably the smallest restroom I've ever used.  I think it was 3' X 3' and that's probably being generous.  The area we ate was decked out in Coca Cola signs and Arkansas Razorback stuff.  I thought Ft. Smith was a quaint little town until we saw a sign that said it was around 90,000 people.  I think we drove through the rundown, old part of town.  I guess we didn't take the time to explore the area.

Now we're off to Fayetteville or, really, Bentonville as that was where we were staying.  We roll into town and check into the posh Springhill Suites.  We have three rooms.  Two rooms have two people and one room has three.  David, by virtue of being the youngest, gets the trundle bed.  He's young, his back can take it.  We quickly head back out to look for a place to eat.  Downtown Bentonville was pretty cool.  It had a town square like you would see on Back to the Future.  Surrounding the town square were a ton of restaurants.  We eat at some fancy, schmancy Italian place.  I wasn't hungry after already consuming 5,000 calories for the day, but I don't let that stop me from getting a pizza.  Hey, you go on a trip like this and sometimes you have to make sacrifices.

The next morning is game day and we see some folks in BYU gear.  Apparently there were going to be a decent amount of BYU fans at the game so it wasn't surprising.  We learn on the trip down that Rick has an interview with a General Authority via Zoom that morning.  His stake is getting a new Stake President the next day and Rick was one of the interviewees.  This lead to many questions we had for Rick.  "Rick, what happens if you're issued the call and you're 500 miles from home?  Will you need to head home?  How are you getting there?"  To which Rick replies, "I don't think we're going to have to worry about that."  We did joke about "helping" him out in his interviews by having Chris (his roomie for the trip) come out of the shower in a towel and walk behind Rick during Rick's Zoom interview.  Even better, we thought it would be a nice touch if Chris gave Rick a little peck on the cheek.  Well, I'm not sure exactly what happened during the interview but let's just say that Rick isn't President Davis at this given moment.

Before we head into Fayetteville for the game we take a quick trip over to the new Bentonville Temple.  It was being dedicated the next day by Elder Bednar who spent a few years of his life in that area.  In fact, word on the street is that Elder Bednar attended the football game as well and was rooting for Arkansas.  For shame.  

Apparently, JJ didn't get the Royal Blue memo.  And David's wearing pants.  What a rookie.

At this point it's around 11:00 a.m. and it's about a 20 minute drive to Fayetteville.  Game time is 6:30 p.m. so we better get going.  You never know what could happen on that drive.  Those that have been around me in these situations understand that I might get slightly anal.  I take pretty much zero chances to miss the game.  So by leaving at 11:00 a.m. to drive 20 minutes for a 6:30 p.m. kickoff, in my mind, we were running behind schedule.  We pull into town and try to find a parking spot.  Because we're 7 hours early we are able to park at the LDS Institute.  Because we're all card carrying members, we feel ownership in this building and we walk right in like we own the place.  There's a student working on his computer in one of the rooms.  They have a library with some nice soft couches so we park ourselves there for about 30 minutes.  We weren't invited and I'm not sure we were even welcomed and we definitely didn't bother asking, but for that moment, it was BYU territory for a small portion of the day.  We swap stories and eventually end up discussing the 'Boom goes the dynamite' viral clip from the worst sportscaster of all time.  It's a classic.  It's four minutes long, but trust me on this, it's worth your time.  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W45DRy7M1no

We're now officially on campus and we figured we check things out.  Now the next part of this story was the funniest of the trip.  Well, for 6 of the 7 of us.  We head to the student center and get a snack and a drink.  They have some couches (yes, as a group, we like couches) that has a big screen TV.  They are showing a college football game and we have time to kill.  Jamie decides he needs to charge his phone and they have one of those phone charging stations that you put your phone in, close the door, put in a code, and then re-put in said code when you're ready to get your phone to leave.  The first three steps for Jamie worked swimmingly.  The last step proved to be a challenge.  Jamie enters the code and it doesn't open.  He enters it another 50 times and it still doesn't open.  I'm sure he went through every four digit pin code he's had in his life hoping that one of them works.  None of them do.  So now what?  We have like 5 hours to crack the code or Jamie is going to have to decide between a phone and a football game.  The rest of us had already made our decision.  Go Cougs!

Jamie gets a hold of a student that is manning the welcome desk.  She has some special code that is supposed to override the system.  It doesn't work either.  Jamie looks hopeless.  I mean, what are you supposed to do in this situation?  I don't know if he contemplated taking this thing outside and smashing it to the ground, but I'm guessing the thought crossed his mind.  Next step was to get a hold of a maintenance guy.  Welcome Desk Girl tries to track one down, but none of them are answering.  One finally answers but he can't be there for another hour.  Finally a guy shows up and takes a look.  His solution is to take the thing apart.  He starts taking off the back of the box.  I'm thinking, "It can't be that easy.  Anyone could say they left their phone in there, call a maintenance man, have him take off the back of the box, and Voila!, you have a new phone."  Well, it works.  The back comes off and Jamie gets his phone.  Crisis averted.

Here's the photo before the maintenance guy arrives.  The look on Jamie's face says it all.

I can't remember who took this photo, it was Chris or Rick.  They show me the photo and say,

"This photo will be funny in 3 months."  It's been three months.

   

You can see Jamie has the "Bro, can I give you a hug?" look

Well after a grueling hour or so of having a friend that has a phone locked away, it took a lot out of us.  The only way to solve that problem was to eat more food.  We locate a Torchy's Taco just off campus and decide to partake since they don't have those in Utah.  Until now.  I think Lehi is getting one and rumor has it (started by me) that they are looking at PG as well.  It was a tasty meal.  Because we're from Utah we head to the ice cream place next door for some dessert.  We've got to carbo load since we have a big football game coming up in a couple of hours.

We head back on campus and decide to walk through the tailgate area.  When we made the Tennessee trip, the tailgate was one of the highlights.  People at the Tennessee tailgate were super friendly, we were offered lots of food and even offered some alcohol via jello shots.  Rick was the only one that thought the jello shots were a good idea.  Arkansas fans were nearly of the same ilk.  We had one guy telling us to come and have a beer.  His buddy then says, "You're wasting your time.  These guys don't drink."  He was correct.  I only heard one derogatory comment regarding Joseph Smith, but other than that they were friendly folks.  We stopped to snap a photo of the Razorback.

I'll let you fine folks caption this photo

Here's Rick desecrating a beloved Razorback

Alas, we head to the stadium.  Apparently we came all this way for a football game, not a phone prison ordeal.  The stadium was nice.  It holds about 78,000.  If anyone ever goes to one of these games with me, they know we need to be within sight of the stadium at least three hours before kickoff.  Mission accomplished.

We had a little time to kill before kickoff

You may or may not remember the actual game.  Arkansas gets two quick touchdowns and is up 14-0 less than 4 minutes into the game.  BYU responds with 3 touchdowns in a row to take a 7 point lead.  Arkansas then reels off 17 points in a row to take a 10 point lead which BYU counters with 17 in a row capped off by a one-handed TD catch by Chase Roberts to win by 7.  This game had a few emotional swings, but when the game was over, it was euphoria.

There it is.  The final score.  Of note, the fine Arkansas folks never played a single replay of a play in which BYU did good.  We had to go to Twitter to see what Chase Roberts' catch actually looked like.

Seven happy dudes.  At this point the road trip was actually worth it.  Notice how quickly the Arkansas fans peeled out of there.  Same thing happened at Tennessee.

Who knew that this very moment was the apex of the whole season.

So how do seven guys who traveled numerous miles by plane and by transit van celebrate a momentous victory of an SEC team on the road?  WAFFLE HOUSE!!!  As luck, or fate, would have it there was a Waffle House right next to our hotel.  Literally right next door.  Let me regale you with some upsides and downsides to Waffle House and probably more specifically, this Waffle House.

Upside

This Waffle House was brand new.  I think it had been open for about two weeks.

Downside

It was still a Waffle House.

Upside

It was open.

Downside

The menu was the same as other Waffle Houses.

Upside

It was a 60 second walk from our hotel.

Downside

It was way too close.

Upside

There were only a few people ahead of us in line.

Downside

The place seats like 10 people and we had to wait an hour just to be seated.

Upside

The food is relatively cheap.

Downside

I would like to say that you get what you pay for, but that would be a stretch.

Upside

Food was eaten and stomachs were full.

Downside

It was 1:30 a.m. and we had a 6:00 a.m. wake up call.

Perfect ending to a perfect trip

The rest of the story was uneventful.  I got about 3 hours of sleep before I had to drive 6 hours back to Dallas.  Fueled by Mountain Dew, I stayed awake most of the trip home.  I might have dosed here and there, but nothing that put us in danger.  :-)

Yes, Rick was disappointed that he didn't get to talk about his least favorite council member or members.  I think Rick has a list of like 20 of them.  But because BYU had won we stuck with our commitment.

What a great trip!  I'm sure we'll do another one in the future.  I send this out so you can all see what you missed out on.  One day Seth will quit hemming and hawing and actually join us.  All of you are welcome to.  As you can tell by what you just read, you can't miss these opportunities.  Life is too short.  Just don't put your phone in the charging box.

Tennessee EPIC Road Trip

There are times in life when a man needs to have an experience that reminds him he is still alive.  I’m not getting down on having a job or a family or other things that are more important than football.  Those are important and I’ve had plenty of professional and family situations that very much remind me that I’m alive.  I’m just saying that there are moments where our joy extends beyond a normal Saturday watching college football.  These times are fleeting and definitely not the norm.  That is what makes them special.  The important part is that you put yourself in a position to have these moments.  It might take money, time, or short term pain, but the payoff is always worth it.  Always.

Last November I was perusing the 2019 BYU football schedule as I often do when I’m looking for my next road trip.  Tennessee seemed to make sense.  Decent weather, winnable game, SEC, iconic stadium.  I decided I needed to be there.  I told my wife for Christmas that year all I wanted was permission to go.  I didn’t need anything else.  Christmas morning came and I got a little envelope with a note that said, “One ticket to the Tennessee football game”.  It’s now officially on.

First order of business was finding someone to go with.  First phone call was to JJ Allen.  I’m sure some are reading this and asking, “How come I wasn’t the first phone call?”  Well, if there is anybody I’ve been to more road games with it is JJ.  This also includes BYU basketball games as well.  In other words, dude has his priorities straight.  It took all of one text and one quick reply, “I’m in for Knoxville!”.  Now I know I’m not making this road trip alone.

Next order of business was to find others to join in.  One email later to the Temari Pickem and we have 8 of us signed up to go.  Now we did have one of us decide that other things were more important so they backed out.  I’m not going to name names but his name is B. Bybee.  Wait, that’s too obvious.  Let’s try Brenn B.  Now that the game has been played, Brenn has to live with himself that he could have been there.  He could have been a part of something special.

Keep in mind, we’ve had road trips before.  A group of us went to the MWC Basketball Tourney in Las Vegas in 2011 for Jimmer’s senior year.  We watched Jimmer drop 52 on New Mexico, in what was officially deemed as an EPIC road trip.  You can read all about it here:  https://scogg.blogspot.com/2011/04/road-trip-to-vegas.html

Two years ago amidst a 4-9 season a bunch of us rented a 15 passenger van and headed to Las Vegas for the BYU-UNLV football game.  While a great trip there were a couple things that kept it from being EPIC.  First of all, I was sick the whole time.  I only threw up once, but wasn’t eating which is signal #1 that I’m ill.  Second of all, Joe Critchlow was the starting quarterback for a bad BYU team.  Joe had a decent game but it was the Pillow Fight of the Week between those two teams.  A great time regardless, but not EPIC.

When we do these types of trip, I pretty much become the defacto travel agent.  This is for a couple of reasons. 

#1 I don’t trust anyone, ever, to order football tickets for me.  My biggest fear is showing up to the game with someone and having them say, “I was sure I ordered those tickets.”  That will never happen on my watch.  As soon as I received the Tennessee tickets they were taken by Brinks Truck under armed guards to my safe deposit box.  I don’t mess around. 

#2 I don’t trust anyone to get my hotel, car rental, plane tickets or other travel accommodations right.  I handle the planning of every family trip and I book my own travel to UCMA and ICMA Conferences.  Yes, I’m mentally ill.

So with that I handle most of the arrangements for the trip.  Everyone was to handle their own air travel, but I took care of football tickets, hotel, and car rental.

Knoxville is not an easy place to fly into.  Delta was a bit pricey but I didn’t want to fly into Atlanta and then double back into Knoxville.  Fun Fact:  After I booked my tickets, I was actually consulting a map and saw that Knoxville is actually east of Atlanta.  Who knew?

So Kayak finds me the hacker rate.  I have no idea what a hacker rate is but it looked cheap so I booked it.  Well a hacker rate is when they jumble different airlines and airports to get you where you need to go at the cheapest possible rate regardless of your personal safety, time, or status.  The hacker rate was created for BYU fans.  I promised myself a few years back that I wouldn’t automatically have to take the cheapest option.  It’s OK to stay in a hotel that is above two stars or to fly on a plane that has two engines.  That extra $100 sometimes makes all the difference in the world.

Regardless, I ended up booking a hacker rate ticket that was a different airline for the trip out and back.  My trip out is on Frontier Airlines.  You might have heard of them.  They are ranked 75^th in on-time flights just behind Wright Brothers Airlines circa 1903.  I was feeling this was doable until about a week later.  Kyler Ludwig took Frontier out to Kansas City to see family.  On his way home, he gets delayed.  Here’s his text to me (verbatim):  “My flight is delayed right now.  Frontier is saying they can’t get me from Denver to Salt Lake for two days.  Hopefully that’s not the case, but I want to let you know.”  Thanks a freakin’ lot Kyler for the worst timed text ever.  Hey, it’s not Kyler’s fault, but now I’m going to worry for the next three months whether I’ll get to Knoxville in the month of September. 

Fast forward three months and I’m on my way to the Salt Lake Airport for the game.  I pick up Jamie on my way and we’re officially on the road trip.  Chris and Rick are driving from Texas, Rodger is taking Delta on a flight earlier that morning, Spencer is taking American Airlines because he’s not an idiot like Jamie, JJ and I as we set out to board Frontier.  Spencer’s flight is a few minutes before ours so we see him at the airport and we sit and chat.

Lo and behold, former BYU quarterback and now KSL color commentator Riley Nelson walks by.  I had just golfed with Riley 7 days before this chance encounter at the airport.  For the past week, I’ve been thinking we’re pretty much best buds because he likes to talk football and I like to hear him talk football.  So I say, “Hey, Riley” as he walks by.  He gives me this look like “Who the he!! are you?”  Then he sees Jamie and recognizes him since Riley’s full time job is as an insurance broker and Orem City is his client.  Nonetheless, he comes over to chat and I’m thinking, “Man, if those Cougarboarders could see me now.”

Riley can talk a lot of football.  I think we snuck in a question or two.  He told a couple stories and my day was pretty much complete.  His wife conveniently called him on his cell phone as he was looking for an out to leave and just like that I had to talk to Spencer, JJ and Jamie again.  A minor letdown. 

We board the plane and I’m in seat 3A which is the window seat.  Next to me in seat 3B is a 90-year old guy with a hat on that says he is a WWII and Korean War Veteran.  I make a little small talk with him and then the guy in 3C sits down in the aisle seat.  3C is decked out in BYU gear and obviously heading to the game.  He must not make “Texas City Manager” type money because he’s flying Frontier.  But the dude was a talker.  He could give Riley a run for his money.

So 3C talks to 3B the whole flight to Denver.  3C knows a ton about WWII and the Korean War.  I’m glad this guy is talking to 3B because 3B is loving that someone knows something about these two wars.  Since I only read sports books I sheepishly put on my headphones and listen to my podcast.  Which just happens to be sport related.

We arrive at the Denver airport early.  In fact, we’re so early that the gate we’re scheduled to go to still has a plane at it.  The Frontier staff has no idea what to do because they have never arrived early on a flight in their whole career.  They calmly reassure us that everything will be OK and that we’ll still make our connecting flights.  I guess they didn’t get the script for what to say when a flight arrives early.

It’s a fairly quick connection and before you know it we’re boarding the plane.  I’m back in 3A and the same dude is in 3C.  3B lived in the Denver area so we’re getting a new seat mate for the 3-hour flight to Knoxville.  The plane was pretty much loaded and I’m starting to think I’m getting to have a little extra room as 3B is empty.  Just before they close the door 3B walks on the plane. 

I don’t want to be judgmental (but I’m going to be).  I want to paint a picture of our new seat mate.  Back when I was in high school we had various social classes.  One of the social classes was the jocks.  The counter to that was what we called the hoods.  Which I think was short for hoodlums.  I casually knew some hoods growing up and they were good kids.  They had an upbringing different than I did, but most were just regular kids.  I say this so you don’t paint me with a brush that I think people are lesser.  Just that they do things different than I do.  Which doesn’t make them bad.  Is that enough disclaimers?  On with the story.

My wife tells me when she was in high school they called this social class the hard guys or hard girls.  Johnathan Ward told me in his high school it was F-Dudes and F-Chicks.  In fact, he told me a story once about his brother being punched by an F-Chick named Shasta.  He can also tell you about an almost fight he got into with an F-Dude named Russell because Johnathan hit him with a Starburst in the hall at school.  Another F-Dude named Brandon ratted him out.  Anyway, you’ll have to get the details from Johnathan.

This social class were the kids that would smoke cigarettes before and after school just off of school property, raid their parents liquor cabinets on the weekends, and weren’t afraid to flip off the principal and spend most of their high school years in what we called ISS (In School Suspension).  I tell you all of this with every judgmental bone in my body because our new seatmate (3B) was an F-Chick.

Her first comment before she even sat down was “I can’t believe I have to sit by two BYU fans!”  First of all, it was obvious she hadn’t perused the BYU road schedule before she booked her flight as the whole plane was chuck full of BYU fans.  Second of all, little did she know that one of these two BYU fans was going to be her soulmate by the end of this flight.  As she takes her seat she proudly proclaims that she’s a Ute fan although (just a hunch) she wouldn’t be able to name one single solitary player on their football team.  Kind of like most Ute fans.  (Kidding, Mark and Gary, sort of)

So 3B is in her early 30’s, has a white tank top on, has tattoo sleeves on both arms and has a little bit of smokers rasp in her voice.  She takes a seat and we strike up a little conversation.  In the couple of minutes we chat I find out that she:

1)      Almost missed the flight because she had to leave the airport to catch a quick smoke before flying to Knoxville.

2)      She was flying to Knoxville to run a half marathon in the Smokey Mountain National Park.

3)      She had just received a text from the Sheriff of Carbon County (Utah) that he was willing to meet with her about a drug and alcohol rehab program.

Although 3B has some rough edges she is working to set up various programs throughout Utah for individuals that are seeking treatments after they have been released from jail.  Kind of like a drug court.  She tells me she also has a meeting with the Judge of Carbon County and she’s very happy that she thinks she’ll be able to get this ball rolling.  3B has a good heart.  She cares about people and that makes her good in my book.  3C hears 3B’s comments and he tells 3B that his wife used to work at Cirque Lodge in Orem which is an extremely high end drug and alcohol rehab center.  Think Lindsay Lohan.

By this time 3B and 3C are deep in conversation and I’ve exhausted all of my willingness to talk on an airplane so I slap on the headphones and start my podcast back up.  Over the course of the three-hour flight, I pause my podcast and listen in to the conversation between 3B and 3C.  Just the little bit I could hear was mostly 3B giving her life story.  She had gotten into drugs which led to other bad decisions.  She got herself clean and now wanted to make a difference.  3C is kind of soaking it all in and is saying stuff too, but I can’t hear him. 

After an hour the drink cart comes by.  I’m ready for some refreshment so I get a Diet Coke.  The flight attendant hands me a cup full of ice and then a full can of Diet Coke.  I’m pretty stoked as most airlines just fill your little mini-cup which you have to milk for an hour to get every last sip of drink possible.  My stokedness ends quickly as the flight attendant hands me a small credit card machine and tells me it will be $2.99.  CURSE YOU, FRONTIER AIRLINES!!!  They won that round, but I vowed to never, ever fly them again.  Ha!  Take that Frontier.

3B gets a Bloody Mary and we’re officially off to the races.  Soon after, I peak over to my seatmates and see them hugging.  3B was totally leaning into 3C.  3C didn’t seem to mind one bit.  3B leans back in her chair and I can see that she’s wiping aware some tears.  I guess I should have had my headphones off the whole trip because it sounds like things were getting pretty good.

I don’t think much of it until I see 3B lean in again for a hug with 3C.  Two hugs in one trip.  Keep in mind that 3C is a married man.  Now hugs can be very platonic.  I’ve got a council member who is a hugger, but after the first attempt to hug me ended up with me tensing up I think she got the message that hugging isn’t my thing.  So it’s a little weird to me that these two are hugging it up on a flight, but it’s obvious to me that they had some sort of personal connection.

The next part is where I got concerned.  I look over and 3B is continuing to chat away.  3C has his hand on her thigh.  He’s not patting her thigh, but he has his hand resting nicely on her inner-thigh quite a bit north of the kneecap.  Now I’m starting to worry that 3C is throwing away his marriage.  3B orders another Bloody Mary and in turn is getting a little more animated.

As we prepare to land, I’m hoping that 3C isn’t going to follow 3B to her hotel.  When the plane touches down, 3B starts talking about sex.  She says that she grew up Mormon and she was glad that she was instilled with moral values.  She then proclaims that Mormons are too uptight about sex and that after they are married they should have “wild and crazy sex”.  It’s at this very moment that I can’t get off this plane soon enough. 

3B and 3C exchange phone numbers because 3B is telling everyone who will listen that 3C is the greatest listener ever and now a good friend.  She didn’t use the word soulmate, but she might as well have.  She adds that it was the best flight that she had ever been on.  I’m *thisclose* to grabbing 3C by the arm and personally escorting him to his hotel room.  I don’t care where it is at this point.

I decide that 3C will make the right choice and I don’t have to worry.  I’ve got food and football on my mind and that trumps the personal salvation of 3C.

One of the important parts of these trips is food.  We didn’t really have a plan for dinner that night so Jamie did a little research and finds a BB  Q joint called Archer’s.  The online reviews are positive and we now have a plan.  We go check in at the Holiday Inn Express about 15 miles from downtown Knoxville and get ready to leave.  The check-in lady at the hotel hears us talking BBQ and recommends Calhoun’s.  We asked if she’d rather eat at Archer’s or Calhoun’s and she heartily recommended Calhoun’s.  So Calhoun’s it is.  You can always trust the locals, right?

Wrong.  Calhoun’s was the Knoxville version of Goodwood BBQ.  It’s not a BBQ joint, it’s a restaurant that happens to serve ribs, brisket and hamburgers.  So we struck out on dinner, but we had one of the Calhoun’s employees come up and chat with us after he sees all of us with BYU gear.  He’s a big-time Tennessee fan and proceeds to talk some good-natured trash.  We inform him that BYU will win and to promptly let him know we’ll be back if BYU wins the next day.  Not to eat, just to rub it in.

So after our underwhelming dinner we decided to follow it up with some underwhelming ice cream.  JJ finds us a local place called Sno-Cream.  So I’ve eaten at this place and I still can’t really explain what Sno-cream is.  Think ice cream that has been altered to a fluffy, icy sort of stuff.  You put it in your mouth and it disappears before it reaches the esophagus.  Now quadruple the price that you would normally pay for ice cream and you have Sno-Cream. 

The owner of Sno-Cream is one of the best salesman I’ve ever met.  He shows us his monthly special which comes in at $7 for a regular size bowl of Sno-Cream.  He then shows us his catalogue (with pictures) of past monthly specials.  The July special looks particularly good to me so I order that.  It didn’t register that the July special is full price when you order it in September.  $13 later, I’m eating a regretful bowl of Sno-Cream.  CURSE YOU SNO-CREAM!!  I thought only Frontier would be the object of my ire, but Sno-Cream makes a surprise appearance.  In order to protect my pride, I tell everyone around how good it is even though I just blew $13 on fluffy, ice sort of stuff.

I must say at this point our trip if off to a start.  Not a great start, but a start nonetheless.  After an uneventful night’s sleep it was now GAME DAY!  We weren’t in any hurry since the BYU Tailgate didn’t start till 1:00 p.m. so we grabbed breakfast at the hotel.  I’m pretty sure it’s required for a hotel to provide breakfast nowadays.  And it’s always the same.  Powdered eggs, waffle machine, yogurts, toast and some juice.  When I travel it’s great to have these when you’re with your family.  It saves you $50.  But they get old fast.  Regardless, we chow down amongst a sea of orange clad patrons and then head into town.

I’ll have to say upfront that the Tennessee/Southern Hospitality was completely awesome.  We were welcomed wherever we were and almost everyone was very cordial.  Granted the Tennessee fans were still reeling from their loss to Georgia State.  Some thought BYU would do the same.  Some thought Tennessee was still the superior team (Calhoun’s guy).  Most thought it would be a tight game.  Which is where I landed. 

We got into downtown Knoxville by 10:00 a.m. or so and got parked in a parking garage.  We had to drive up three levels before we found a spot.  Each level up felt like it would add 30 minutes onto the time in which we’d get out of there after the game.  After all, their stadium held 102,000 and they were expecting 90,000 for the game, where was everyone going to park?  Well, we found out after the game that about 50,000 of them parked in our parking garage.  But I don’t mean to jump ahead.

I didn’t know anything about Knoxville other than what I learned in a Simpson’s episode.  Apparently Knoxville hosted the World’s Fair in 1982 and they built what was called the Sunsphere as part of hosting the fair.  So we had to go see the Sunsphere in World’s Fair Park in Downtown Knoxville.  You can see the fictional fate of the Sunsphere here:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7MQIeIlYxUE

The Sunsphere was pretty cool and World’s Fair Park was cool as well, but we had a ton of time to kill.  We decide to walk on campus and go near the stadium.  Kind of case the joint.  We got on campus and found their merchandise store.  The amount of orange was quite mindboggling and hurtful to the eyes.  It was the only time I’ve ever regretted getting LASIK.  I lasted about 5 minutes in there.  I saw some couches a level down and knew that was where my butt needed to be for the next hour or so.

Meanwhile we see Tennessee fan after Tennessee fan.  All of them nice.  A little trash talk from some of them, but in a very nice Southern sort of way.  There were a couple of ladies cleaning the building and they got a few jabs in as we walked by.  We met a guy with orange checkerboard overalls.  He came over to chat and asked if he could get a picture. 

While we were waiting Rick went into story-mode.  One story was Rick describing a girl he knew when he was at BYU.  He said she was built like a pitcher’s mound.  As the story went on, Spencer Kyle eventually dropped a bomb of a comment.  It had us laughing for a while.  Next time you see Spencer you can ask him about it since I won’t be putting the actual comment in this blog.

It was inching up on 1:00 p.m.  Game time was still 6 hours away and it felt like we had been in Knoxville for a week.  We decide to head back to the park for the BYU tailgate.  Keep in mind it is close to 90 degrees and 70 percent humidity.  I needed shade.  The tailgate offered a BBQ lunch.  Let me digress for a moment:  When I go to the South and hear BBQ lunch I’m picturing lots of brisket, ribs, coleslaw and mac and cheese.  Instead we get a pulled pork sandwich, a bag of chips, and some coleslaw.  Pretty much the BBQ you would get if you ate at the deli at Macey’s.  So if you’re keeping score we are 0-2 on Southern BBQ.  But don’t worry, we’ll make it up at our post game meal.  Foreshadowing.

After the BYU tailgate we head to the real tailgate.  The SEC tailgate.  One of the main reasons I wanted to come to Tennessee.  I was not disappointed.  Outside of the outcome of the game, this was probably my favorite part of the trip.  It was really cool to just walk by any given tailgater and being asked if we’d like some food or a drink.  We took a couple of people up on it and ate some food and chatted football. 

At one point, I ask “Are you as friendly with the Georgia and Alabama fans when they come to Tennessee?”  The answer was a resounding, “No!”  Any team from the SEC does not receive the Tennessee treatment.  Either they were so kind because they figured they’d “Kick y’alls butts” as I heard a couple say or they knew that Mormons wouldn’t drink all their liquor.  With football being a common denominator it was easy to talk to people.  Our one common thread.  They hate Alabama and I hate Alabama.  Such an easy starting point to a football discussion.

We walked by one tailgate and a lady ran after us and tracked us down and invited us to their tailgate.  They had some great food.  We stuck around and chatted at this particular place for about 20 minutes.  They were so friendly they offered Rick a jello shot.  Who is Rick to decline some Southern Comfort, I mean Hospitality?  Apparently Rick wasn’t familiar with a jello shot and almost become very familiar with one until Chris Hillman jumped in and saved Rick’s salvation.  It would have been a downer on the evening if former President Davidson was going to have to ask for Rick’s recommend.  But, and I’m a little sad this didn’t happen, how much fun would Rick have been with a couple jello shots in him?  It was a completely missed opportunity. 

It’s 5:00 and they start letting people into the stadium.  We head in and take a seat about 30 rows up at the 50-yard line.  It was at this moment where I feel what I was hoping to feel in the stadium.  Complete appreciation for college football.  We were in a venue that is known for the big T at the 50-yard line and the checkerboard endzones.   I have seen this field numerous times on TV.  The stadium is iconic in college football.  It is one of the largest stadiums in the country.  It’s bigger than any pro football stadium.  I just sit back and soak it in.  Later when the band got in the stadium and played Rocky Top, I had reached nirvana.  I love the pageantry of college football. 

We meet the friendliest usher you’ll ever meet.  There weren’t many people in the stadium and we were a captive audience so he told us story after story about Tennessee football.  Normally an usher is making sure you’re not sitting in someone else’s seats.  Especially the visiting fans.  This guy was trying to figure out a way to keep us in these seats.  It was like everyone had already heard his stories except us and he wanted to keep us around as long as he could.  We soon find out our real seats are on the very top row of the stadium.  We decide to go sit in our real seats with all the BYU fans instead of trying sit in better seats with all the Tennessee fans.  Our usher is disappointed when we leave.  He still had many stories to tell.

Sitting in our real seats was the best call of the day.  We were in a sea of royal blue.  We were with “our people”.  This was crucial by the end of the game.  I also liked that I could stand up since we were on the top row.  I spent almost the whole game standing.  The one downside is that Sitake couldn’t hear me when I was yelling at him about what BYU should be doing.  Things like, “Get some more first downs!” or “Stop the run!”.  These were important things that I think he wasn’t thinking of.

I’ve already commented on the game, but a few key points.  In the third quarter as BYU was staying in the game I said to nobody in particular, “This has been such a great trip.  It will turn into an EPIC trip if BYU finds a way to win this.”  I was hoping so much for BYU to win.  A loss would have dampened the mood.  And I just wanted everything to come together perfectly for this trip. 

It seems every timeout or break in the action the Tennessee band strikes up Rocky Top.  It was starting to get a little old to some, but I loved it every time.  I like the tune and I love that it is a rallying cry for a fan base.  So I joined in most times with the “HA!” right after they sing the line “Good Ole’ Rocky Top”. 

So the tone of the stadium the whole game is one of “Who is going to win?”  Nobody was getting overly confident as the teams were playing.  It was low scoring and there were enough mistakes by both team for you to realize that neither team was super good.  Tennessee lead the whole game, but their largest lead was 7 points so neither side was comfortable.  With about 3:30 left in the game and BYU facing a fourth down on their own 40 Sitake decides to punt.  I decided right then and there they had just given the game away.  Tennessee was two first downs from putting the game away and BYU hadn’t been super stellar in stopping the run game.  You could feel the optimism from the Tennessee fans.  They were in the driver’s seat.  This was now their game to lose.

BYU only gives up one first down and Tennessee punts the ball back to BYU.  BYU is on their own 16-yard line with under a minute with no timeouts.  After a holding penalty they get backed up to their own 8-yard line.  The good news is that they only need a field goal.  The bad news is that their longest play from scrimmage so far had been less than 20 yards.

Then we get the Micah Miracle.  When Zach Wilson finds Micah Simon for 64 yard gain into field goal position, it is bedlam in the BYU section.  It was euphoria.  I haven’t done heroin, but it has to be close to how I was feeling.  The whole mood and tone in the stadium does a complete flip-flop.  Our EPIC road trip was coming to fruition.  The next 20 minutes are gut wrenching yet joyful.  It takes a field goal to tie (big cheers) and BYU touchdown in overtime (big cheers) followed by a Tennessee touchdown to tie the first overtime and then a Tennessee field goal in the second overtime sets the stage.  Could this really happen?  Could BYU pull this game out of their hindquarters?

Three plays later it is celebration time.  TySon Williams carries the whole Tennessee team into the endzone for the game winning touchdown.  It is now Bedlam Part II.  It is time for a bunch of buttoned-up, stoic, calming, old city manager types to let loose.  Every time we’ve wanted to just yell out in a council meeting is channeled into this moment.  We can yell as loud as we want and nobody cares. 

At this point, I think I witnessed a world record.  It was the quickest I’ve ever seen a crowd of 92,000 leave the stadium.  It felt like about 30 seconds after the touchdown, I look up and the stadium is empty except for every single BYU fan in attendance.  None of us wanted to leave.  We just want to soak up the atmosphere.  We work our way down to almost field level to get a picture to capture the moment.  I have taken this picture and switched it with our wedding photos my wife had hanging up in our living room.  It gets to a point where security is getting tired of the obnoxious BYU fans and starts asking people to leave.

We now have two things left to finish this road trip:  #1 Get out of the parking garage and #2 Find a place for a post-game meal.

#1-  We get back to our vehicle and get in the car.  We are on the third level.  I don’t know for sure, but I’m thinking there were 5 or 6 levels of this garage.  So we feel pretty good relatively speaking.  The line to get out is already backed up so we get in the car and listen to the post game show on KSL.  Meanwhile the cars in front of us don’t move for like 30 minutes.  Not a single one.  I can’t recall whose idea it was to park in a parking garage but that person is an idiot.  Finally we get out and it is onto #2 in more ways than one.

#2-  This is how I recall these events leading up to our post-game meal, but I’ll defer to Chris Hillman if he remembers it differently:

Spencer Kyle had done some research on where to eat in Knoxville late at night since it is now pushing midnight.  The dialogue goes something like this:

Spencer- “Let’s eat at Cheesecake Factory, it’s open until 2:00 a.m.”

Chris- “I was really hoping to eat at Waffle House because I ate there lots of times as a kid and I really like the food and it’s been awhile since I’ve eaten there.”

Rest of Us- “But Chris, the Cheesecake Factory has an immense selection and huge portions and good food.”

Chris- “Guys, trust me on this one.  Waffle House has just as good or better food than Cheesecake Factory.”

Rest of Us- “Well, none of us have ever eaten at Waffle House before and I guess we could cross it off our bucket list, but we feel Cheesecake Factory would be the better choice.”

Chris- (Literally puts his foot down) “Dammit guys!  I promise you on all that is holy that you don’t want to miss the Waffle House experience.”

Rest of Us- “OK, if Chris says its good, it must be good.  Let’s go have the Waffle House experience.”

If you haven’t had a Waffle House experience, you can live it vicariously through us.  Here goes:

We pull into the parking lot and we see a guy getting out of his car.  He can barely stand up.  He is so drunk that he has to hold himself up against the car as he walks to the back of his car.  Let me remind you that he got out of the driver’s seat.

We go inside the restaurant and it is packed.  You can practically hear Chris say to himself, “I knew it would be packed because the food is so good.”  Well this Waffle House in particular had about 6 booths in the whole restaurant.  All 500 square feet of it.  Of course it is packed.  There are literally about 20 people here.  All of them are probably enrolled in the Frontier Airlines frequent flyer program.  That’s the clientele we’re dealing with.

As we’re waiting for a booth I have to use the restroom.  It is a single restroom where you lock the door when you go in.  Unless you’re drunk.  I open the restroom door and see drunk guy taking a whiz.  He wasn’t aware nor did he care that he should have locked the door.  I close the door and wait until he leaves.  I then go in to take a whiz and see whiz all over everything.  Drunk guy has terrible aim and a very full bladder.  I’m sure if I tried to get a sample to have it drug/alcohol tested, it would have melted the plastic cup.

Soon after I’m seated and ready to order.  I’m hoping my Waffle House experience gets better.  It doesn’t.  Because they haven’t served me my food yet.  If you haven’t eaten at Waffle House let me describe their food.  Go to Denny’s and buy a Grand Slam.  Throw the food on the floor and sit on it.  Mix in some cigarette ash and you have Waffle House.  CURSE YOU, WAFFLE HOUSE!!!

I order the Sausage Egg and Cheese Hashbrown Bowl.  It didn’t list the calories, but I would estimate it at about 19,000.  I get it Country Style with sausage gravy so I can get my whole weeks worth of calories in one meal.  As I’m finishing up my meal, I’m starting to curse Chris.  I curse him even more for the gutbomb for the next 6 hours.  How did I let him talk me into this?  With judgment like this, how can his City Council take any of his recommendations seriously?  Meanwhile Chris is chowing away on his meal happy as a lark.

The meal ends and pretty much so does the road trip.  We collectively decide not to invite Chris on the next one because of his food choices.  I understand things are tough at the Hillman household and he couldn’t afford Cheesecake Factory, but next time I’ll set up a Go Fund Me for him if I have to. 

So just remember, if you didn’t join us this is what you missed out on.  You can have been part of an EPIC trip with EPIC guys and EPIC diarrhea.  Where else are you going to meet F-Chick, 3C and Drunk Guy?  Make sure to mark your calendars when Temari Road Trip is presented to you.  You don’t want to miss it. 

Golfing with the Guys- 2013

This annual golf trip is a big deal to me.  Our trip in 2013 was our fourth time to do it.  It’s something that I look forward to every year and pretty much start counting down the days 3 months out.  In my mind, the trip is broken down to 4 different aspects.  These are not necessarily listed in order of what is my most favorite.

1.   Golf- This is a golf trip.  So the golf is extremely important.  This trip has been great to help me accomplish my goal of golfing every course in the state of Utah.  Particularly when we hit the rural, out-of-the way courses.  We also hit some nicer courses just so Craig and Jon will keep coming on the trip.  Every year, I get excited about golfing 27 holes in a day and every year I regret the last 9 of that 27. 

Nicest Courses:
South Mountain- Draper (Year 1) I sucked, but a pretty course
Birch Creek- Smithfield (Year 1) Ditto to South Mountain
Wasatch Mountain Lake Course (Year 1)
The Hideout- Monticello (Year 2) I know others in our that really didn’t like this course
Moab- Moab (Year 2)
Beaver- Beaver (Year 3) Just kidding, I hated that place.  Stupid horse track.
Cedar Ridge- Cedar City (Year 3)
Dixie Red Hills- St. George (Year 3)
Oquirrh Hills- Tooele (Year 4)
 
Least favorite courses:
Green River State Park- (Year 2)
Beaver- (Year 3)
Delta- (Year 3)

2.   Food- I like to eat.  I mean, I really like to eat.  So eating needs to be as carefully planned as the tee times for the golf.  Boyd is our resident connoisseur so he is usually in charge of the food.  Sometimes we have to opt for a McDonalds or Wendy’s but we’ve eaten at some pretty good places too. 

 
Favorite places we’ve eaten:
Red Iguana- Salt Lake (Year 1)
Angie’s- Logan (Year 1) I love that place, but I could see if others don’t care for it
Jax’s- Moab (Year 2)
Sonny Boy’s- Cedar City (Year 3)
Benja Thai- St. George (Year 3)
Cheesecake Factory- Salt Lake (Year 4)
 
Least favorite places we’ve eaten:
BBQ at Logan River Clubhouse- Logan (Year 1)
Hamburger at The Hideout- Monticello (Year 2)
Breakfast Haus- Moab (Year 2) I really disliked this place because I was expecting so much more
Wendy’s- Nephi (Year 3)
Gandolpho’s- Cedar City (Year 3) Horrible service
Some random Japanese place- Stansbury Park (Year 4)
 

3.   Accommodations- This is usually my responsibility so that I know it gets done right.  If I left it up to Jon we’d be calling Motel 6 on our way to the destination.  I have to admit the best accommodations have been when we’ve had a house or condo.  It’s way better than a motel.  Plus we have a gathering place to shoot the bull before we go to bed.  That’s a critical part of the trip. 

 
My favorite places:
Crystal Inn (Year 1) Excellent breakfast buffet
Condo- Moab (Year 2) Had a pool
House- Cedar City (Year 3)
Peppermill Casino- W. Wendover (Year 4)
 
Least favorite places:
Holiday Inn Express- Heber City (Year 1) Hot tub was about 65 degrees

4.   Travel- I’m kind of weird because I like it when we can all ride in one car.  It’s nice to be able to spend time in a larger group than a smaller group.  It's fun, unless you’re in a big huge van and two of you are on a conference call the whole time wondering if their boss is going to get fired.  I don’t really have a favorite way to travel because I’ve enjoyed them all.  I especially like riding in Jon’s fancy vehicles.  Or are they Lori’s?

The 2013 trip was having a rough start.  Craig backed out quickly.  I called him one night trying to talk him into it, but it was to no avail.  I didn’t push for a reason why, but rumor on the street was that he didn’t want to play crappy courses that he’s already played.  But if Craig realizes that golf is only ¼ of the equation as I just pointed out, then maybe he would have changed his mind.

I was trying to get commitments from the rest of the group.  Jon wasn’t returning emails as per usual.  Frank was the understudy to Jon on returning emails.  Brad was trying to work out his schedule and Logan was trying to figure out his finances or permission from his wife or something of that ilk.  I was about ready to just bag it when Boyd called me one day and gave me a little pep talk.  That remotivated me to get the thing planned.
 
This year was going to be a western Utah swing.  We were going to his such metropoli as Magna, Stansbury Park, Tooele, and W. Wendover.  No wonder Craig was backing out.  However, the trip got planned.  Jon committed, Boyd committed, and Logan and Brad partially committed because of other obligations.  Frank and Craig were out. 

Things were lining up until I got a phone call at noon on the day before we were to start the trip.  It was one of those phone calls that was so devastating I can still remember today where I was standing when the call came through.  The call was from Boyd and he informed me that he couldn’t make the trip.  Some crummy things had happened at work that forced him to cancel the trip.  I was seriously bummed.  We weren’t canceling the trip, but two of the golf trip veterans (Boyd and Craig) were now out.

But I was still excited for the golf and we still had others that were excited to play.  It’s not like Jon, Logan, and Brad are chopped liver.  We were still going to have a fun time with a lot of golf.

The next morning I arise nice and early so I can get to Magna on time.  I don’t want us to miss our tee time and then have to wait a few hours to get on the course because they are jammed pack for the day.  I get a text from Boyd saying he is now in for the golf trip.  That’s when I realized I had been punked.  These guys were setting me up with their elaborate ruse to toy with my emotions with a “I’m in, now I’m out, now I’m in” game.  Logan had called me the day before after Boyd had called me and confirmed that Boyd was out.  I realized that Logan was part of the conspiracy and his phone call was just additional set-up for the big reveal.  No matter, I’m just glad Boyd is joining us.

I arrive at the Copper Club in Magna and see Logan warming up.  We’re the only two at the whole course.  I get out of my car and start chastising Logan for punking me with their prank.  Logan looks at me kind of funny and says it was all real.  Boyd was having troubles at work, but decided at 1:00 a.m. (apparently with Logan begging him) to re-join the golf trip.  At this point, I’m thinking that I have to get the low-down on Boyd’s work troubles.  It was all starting to sound pretty intriguing. 

I pay for my golf and look at the tee sheet for the day and see that we are the only ones on the sheet for the whole day.  Right there, 9:00 a.m. tee time was spoken for.  Mind you, it’s a beautiful May morning and perfect weather for golf.  I’m starting to understand why Craig chose to opt out.  I order a bucket of balls and head out to the driving range.  The driving range turns out to be a pet peeve of mine.  First of all, it’s pretty much cow pasture.  Second of all, the length of the range was 150 yards.  Not only could you not hit any of your woods, but pretty much all of your irons as well. 

The Copper Club- Magna, Utah

Cost- $10 walking

The rest of the crew arrives (Jon and Boyd) and we get the golf trip started.  Hole #1 has the blue tees in front of the white tees.  For the first time in my life I demand that we play the blue tees.  The Copper Club is listed as a private course.  There is a crummy clubhouse area where people can come and have their country club dinner.  But really all it was, was a private piece of dog doo.  The course and the clubhouse wasn’t very impressive.

What was impressive was me hitting the ball straight and playing some good golf.  I have 5 pars and but for a double bogey on the last hole I could have been in for a special round.  I did notice a couple of things:  Boyd was hitting drives long and straight.  That was kind of new.  Logan had added a little hop into his routine before he hit each drive.  It was good for some entertainment.

Scores:
Scott 42
Jon 43 (I love beating Jon)
Logan 49
Boyd 54

For the first, and last, time of the trip, I’m glad that Craig isn’t with us because I finally got a chance to claim the gold medal on one of the courses that we have played.  Craig probably would’ve shot a 29 if he played this course with us.

We then head over to our motel by the airport to check in and drop off cars.  It feels like we have about 12 cars because we have so many different schedules we’re working with.  But, we’re soon off to our next stop for the last 18 holes of our 27 planned for the day.

We travel to Stansbury Park and seek the best place to eat in town and end up at a Japanese place in a strip mall.  Should be pretty authentic.  The fact that their lunch special was in Spanish “Especial” should have clued me into how authentic it was going to be.  I got the curry chicken and proceeded to wade through the mounds of vegetables to find a piece of chicken or two.  I ended up paying (not financially) for the curry for the rest of the afternoon.

Stansbury Park Golf Club- Stansbury Park, Utah

Cost- $28 w/cart.  We can play as many holes as we want to with their “all day” deal.  I’m sure 18 will be just fine for me.

The course has a lot of water on it and the greens had just been aerated.  This really wasn’t shaping up to be a course to shoot a low score.  Because of the aeration the greens were really slow and they didn’t have any sort of true roll to them.  It made it a little challenging.

We start playing and soon a buff, tatted up dude in a tank top starts catching up with us.  He has his token hot girlfriend in the cart with him who is texting away while he’s playing golf.  We let him play through and he even seemed like a nice guy.  I’m quickly finding out that the Stansbury Park clientele isn’t exactly the same you’d see at a country club (unless it was the Copper Club).

I birdie Hole #6 and Logan birdies Hole #8.  Jon then has the hole of the trip when he birdies Hole #14 a 450 yard, Par 4.  It’s soon after this that the controversy begins.  On the Par 3, Hole #16 Jon (needing a gambling fix) announces that the two that are furthest from the pin have to buy the two closest to the pin milkshakes.  I sky my tee shot but clear the water and even though I’m not very close, I end up being one of the winners.  One person (I think Boyd) hits a terrible shot that shoots off the right but stays out of the water.  Jon and Logan both hit further than Boyd but both end up in the water.  So the questions is, who was closest to the pin?  If we went by physical distance then it was Jon.  If we went by the fact that Boyd’s ball was actually playable then it was Boyd.  Needless to say, that issue never got resolved with both of them claiming that they were the victor.

My goal for each course was to shoot 90 or better.  For each nine the goal was to be 45 or better. 

Scores:

 

Front 9

Jon 44
Logan 44

Scott 46 (You’re going to see a theme for the trip with the 46 thing)

Boyd 62

Back 9
Jon 43
Scott 46 (Missed 3’ putt for a 45, probably one of the more frustrating moments of the trip for me)
Logan 53
Boyd 57 (At least he won a milkshake. Or not)

Total- 18 holes
Jon 86
Scott 92
Logan 97
Boyd 119

After a long hard day of golf it was time for some good eats.  Boyd suggested Cheesecake Factory in Salt Lake (this is why we need Boyd on these trips) and we were all in.  We make a quick trip into Downtown and I’m hankering for some pasta.  I order the shrimp scampi, but was quickly disappointed as it had a ton of tomatoes and not a ton of pasta.  Boyd’s dish has a ton of pasta and he eats about half of it.  Boyd offers for me to have a bite of his dinner and I finish the second half of his dish.  I top it off with strawberry cheesecake and $52 later (including tip), I’ve paid a lot for a meal.

During dinner we let Boyd share (vent) his work drama.  We all got to play armchair quarterback and tell him all the things he should have done or said to his boss.  Admittedly, Boyd would have been best off to completely ignore our advice which is what I’m sure he did.

We get back to the motel and it’s time for the hot tub.  I forget my swimsuit (again) so the guys allow me to skinny dip in the hot tub with them.  Well, not really.  I just kept my golf shorts on and hopped in.  It was nice to sit and relax while Jon pinpointed all the problems with Bonneville football and basketball.

Next day was going to be spent in Tooele.  Brad was joining us for the day and we were going to golf with 5 of us.  First stop was Oquirrh Hills which turned out being my favorite course of the trip. 

Oquirrh Hills- Tooele, UT
 
Cost- $28 for 18 holes w/cart

The front nine was in pretty good shape and the back nine was still maturing.  I started out good and was 2 over after 5 holes.  I have visions of the 30’s in my head.  Then I have the proverbial triple bogey blow up on Hole #7 and putter to the finish line.  I am doing better than Jon as he smacked a house on Hole #5.  We somehow end up golfing as a fivesome during this nine holes and carry that through the back nine as there weren’t many on the course.

The back nine proves to be a little bit of a challenge for some of us.  At one point Boyd chips in and shows absolutely zero emotion as you can tell that he just wants it to end.  Meanwhile on Hole #17 we’re all on the green except for Jon.  Since we’re playing a fivesome it was a little difficult to tell where everybody was at.  Boyd pulls the pin and sets it to the side of the green.  Jon wasn’t on the green yet and was setting up his pitch shot to get on the green.  Jon hits a beautiful chip that looked as if it was going to bounce just before the green and roll right up near the hole.  Instead it hits the flag that was laying in Jon’s line for his shot to the green.  When the ball hits the flag and stick it promptly stops.  We all get a chuckle out of it and Jon (who has gone into Boyd mode) just wants to finish the round.  He shrugs it off and putts out.

Jon was OK with everything until we tallied up the back 9 scores and Jon tied Logan with a 42.  Now Jon is starting to regret hitting the flag/stick that Boyd had left in his way on Hole #17.  After stewing about it for a minute, Jon decides that it just doesn’t matter and sticks with his 42.

Front 9
Scott 43
Jon 47
Logan 49
Brad 51
Boyd 54

Back 9
Logan 42
Jon 42
Scott 52
Brad 54
Boyd 57

Total
Jon 89
Logan 91
Scott 95
Brad 105
Boyd 111

Birdies- Jon (2) Hole #7 and Hole #14
Don’t know about Boyd or Logan with birdies because they burned their scorecard as soon as the round was over so there was no physical evidence of Logan’s 42.
 
After the round, Boyd and Logan decided they had had enough.  We still had another 18 holes to play that day, but they were done.  We still had Toana Vista set up for the next day, but they were done.  They were outta here.

So the trip then boils down to me, Jon and Brad.  We’re about to embark on another 18 holes for a total of 36 for the day.  This was unchartered territory for me.  I have never golfed 36 holes in one day.

The Links at Overlake- Tooele, UT

This was a true links course.  Not a tree in sight and plenty of sand traps.  It felt like we were out in the middle of nowhere (well, we were in Tooele), but there wasn’t a single structure around except for the golf shed and clubhouse.  The course was built in the mid-2000’s with the intent to sell homes around it.  Unfortunately they didn’t time the market well and subsequently there were no homes around the course.

I actually enjoyed this course.  The greens were slow which is usually a good thing, but we were all leaving a lot of putts short.  I liked the views of the valley from there and I didn’t lose a ball.  That is kind of rare for me as well.  We had a great time with just the three of us and didn’t seem to hardly see anybody else on the course.

Front 9

Brad 42
Jon 43
Scott 46

Back 9
Jon 43
Scott 46
Brad 48

Total
Jon 86
Brad 90
Scott 92 (Shot a 46-46 just like Stansbury Park)

Birdies- Brad Hole #4 and Jon Hole $14

At this point Brad takes off and it’s just me and Jon on our way to West Wendover.  Our once thriving golf trip has turned into just two of us for the last day.  In fact, after this golf trip, Jon and I are the only two to play every hole of every trip over the last 4 years.

We head out on I-80 to W. Wendover with the sun starting to set.  I bought a new pair of sunglasses because I left my old pair at the Copper Club in Magna.  As we’re cruising down I-80 we see a car off the side of the road.  We see a guy standing to the side of his car kind of arching his back and taking a wiz on the side of the road.  This guy wasn’t being subtle at all and he must of really had to go because it was a huge stream coming out in an almost rainbow shape.  Dare I say that with the sun almost setting, it was a silhouette of a man, taking a leak, not caring one bit about the cars driving past him.

We check into our hotel at the Peppermill Casino in W. Wendover.  Our room has two king size beds so I don’t have to worry about Jon trying to snuggle me in the middle of the night.  At this point I’m exhausted from lack of sleep and 18 holes of golf and 120 miles on the road.  We grab a bite to eat and Jon and I start talking about sports betting.

I have a checkered past that I don’t tell anybody about because I have a sterling reputation to protect.  I’m only telling you this now so that Bishop Hunter can resolve me of all my past gambling sins.  I have placed a sports bet a time or two.  I know how to read a line and I know what certain terminology to use when placing a bet.  I haven’t gambled in about 10 years so I wasn’t about to break that string on this evening.

Jon on the other hand was ready to place a sports bet.  The only game that hadn’t started yet was the San Antonio Spurs @ Golden State Warriors basketball playoff game.  The line was -2 for the Warriors and the over/under was 201.5.  I explained what those meant to Jon and he did a two bet parlay to try to get both of them.  He slapped down 20 bucks that the Warriors would cover and that the over would be reached.  If both of these happened then Jon would win about 45 dollars and get his 20 bucks back on top of that.  If only one of them happened or neither of them happened, then Jon was going to make a donation to the power bill of the Peppermill Casino.

Unfortunately for Jon, the Warriors didn’t cover and the final score was under 201.5.  At this point I’m half asleep and Jon tells me he’s heading downstairs as I’m fading off.  Now what transpired over the next few hours is Jon’s story to tell.  All I remember the next day was Jon constantly mumbling things like, “I can’t believe I took out a second mortgage” or “Blackjack again?  How does the dealer keep getting blackjack?”

The next day we head to Toana Vista and I was pretty proud of myself for remembering that we were making a change to the Pacific time zone.  It gave us another hour to sleep (or gamble) and couldn’t help patting myself on my back for remembering to change our clocks.  We get to the golf course to check in and the guy says, “Hey, you guys are an hour late”.  Apparently W. Wendover is the only place in Nevada that is still in the Mountain time zone.

Toana Vista Golf Club- W. Wendover, NV

Cost- $45 for 18 holes w/cart

I had it in my mind that this would be the nicest course we would play on the trip.  It’s in a resort (somewhat of a resort) community and it has a little better weather here (but, not really).  We play the first hole and half the fairway has grass that has been eaten by mold or otherwise dug up.  It didn’t get any better on any of the remaining fairways.  We bumped into the groundskeeper half way through the round because I think he could hear me cussing him under my breath.  He said they had a really windy spring and didn’t have a chance to put much fertilizer or weed killer on the course.  He was apologetic and seemed to be a good guy, so I decided to cut him some slack.

Unfortunately my golf game was just getting hammered.  A crummy course that is kind of hard on a good day, being fatigued and sore, and listening to Jon add up his gambling losses so he could claim them on his taxes was more than I could handle. 

Front 9
Jon 42 (To Jon’s credit he was very consistent this whole trip)
Scott 49

Back 9
Jon 49
Scott 51

Total
Jon 91
Scott 100 (I have a goal to not shoot above a 100 every again.  I shot a 100 four different times in 2013, but never over it.  I just have to avoid Birch Creek in Smithfield and I should be able to reach this goal.)

Birdies- Jon Hole #1

Overall another fantastic trip with some fantastic guys.  Since Jon and I were the only ones to play all the courses, here is our summary:

Worst Clubhouse- Copper Club
Best Clubhouse- Toana Vista
Easiest Course- Copper Club
Hardest Course- Toana Vista
Best Greens- Toana Vista
Worst Greens- Stansbury Park
Best Views- Overlake
Nicest Course- Oquirrh Hills
Worst Course- Toana Vista
Prettiest Course- Oquirrh Hills

Average Scores:
Jon- 44 (9 rounds)
Scott- 46.8 (9 rounds)
Logan- 47.4 (5 rounds)
Brad- 48.8 (4 rounds)
Boyd- 56.8 (5 rounds)

Finishes
1^st Place- Jon 6, Scott 2, Logan 2, Brad 1
2^nd Place- Scott 4, Jon 3
3^rd Place- Logan 3, Scott 3, Brad 1
4^th Place- Boyd 3, Brad 2
5^th Place- Boyd 2