The last year or so...

 

Where have I been?

Oh, I've been around.  You've probably seen me...you've probably even talked to me.  That was nice of you.  Thanks for that.

It's been almost a year since I last posted on this thing, and I'm currently working on the next installment.  I thought I'd give y'all a heads up at least, and let you know that I haven't completely abandoned it.  It's been an eventful last 12 months and I'm trying to recall and recount all the memorable things that need to be immortalized in a poorly draw cartoon, whether they be good, bad, ugly, or a little dated and irrelevant at this point. I'll do my best to not leave anything major out.  But be warned:  Just because you spent some time with me, and you probably had the time of your life, doesn't mean that I thought the same (kidding)...but seriously, it's probably not going to be on here.  Also, if you've been featured before and you've changed your hair or got pregnant or leveled up your adorableness or something, I probably won't bother changing anything...because I'm just that lazy.  Although, I can think of 3 people that do need to be redrawn.  Well, two of them never really got drawn properly and there were a couple of complaints about how another one looked.  I'm not going to say who it was, but just know this...I remembered, and I'll fix it the best I can.

Ok...that seems to be enough disclaimers and such.  I guess I'd better get to it.

Here's what I've been up to...

The Summer So Far

I know it's been a while since I've written on this thing, so let me bring you up to speed...

well that's about it.

Nah,  just kidding.  I've been busy watching baseball, soccer football, watching my lawn die and then come back better than ever, and thinking about slapping someone with a restraining order or at least change my phone number.  But tonight is the MLB All-Star game, and as much as I love baseball, the All-Star game is pretty useless and its a good opportunity to update this thing.  So first things first:


Cliff Lee is a Texas Ranger!!!  That is HUGE.  It increases the Rangers chances to make the playoff by about a thousand.  Cliff Lee = WINS.  He came to Texas with a 2.34 ERA can go deep in games which will benefit the bullpen (even though his first outing with the Rangers SUUUUUCKED).  I know it's a bit early to be talking playoffs, but let me dream, ok.  Its all I got.

 I will postpone getting a new A/C for playoff tickets if possible.

In other news, my yard is looking the best as its ever looked.  Well, at least the front yard.  The back yard looks like crap, but no one ever sees that so I don't care.  You know, kinda like how if you live your life looking like you've got everything together outside looks good to everyone else, it really doesn't matter what kind of garbage and turmoil is on the inside.  That's how I live my life, anyway.  Well, I do that and make remarks in blogs that I really hope people pick up as sarcasm.  If they don't, then I'll more than likely end up on the bad end of an unnecessary intervention. 

Back to the yard.  I've got a problem with my Mexican neighbor.  He mows it all crooked and it looks bad.  I've tried to talk to him about it, but he doesn't speak English.  Oh, and I mow my lawn an inch or so higher than he does, because it's better for the grass.  So most of the time the property line ends up looking something like this:

Yes, he was actually mowing in a sombrero one day.

I really don't know what to do at this point.  I've done everything short of putting a fence up to try to get this guy to mow in a straight line.  And I would make some comment about how its just my luck to live next to the only Mexican in the country that doesn't know how to mow a lawn, but I'm not a stand-up comic and can't get away with making politically incorrect statement like that.  So I won't.

Surprise news of the year, I'm a football fan.  I'm not talking about Pittsburgh Steelers football.  I'm talking about Fédération Internationale de Football Association.  The World Cup was crazy and of course I followed the US team as much as possible.  But I also found myself doing things like waking up early on Saturdays to watch matches and taking really late lunches to watch matches of teams I know nothing about.  I even caught myself watching a couple of Major League Soccer games.  I already knew a little, like some of the big name:  Landon Donovan, Cristiano Ronaldo and my personal favorite since 2007, England's Wayne Rooney.  

Getting in a bar fight with Wayne Rooney on my side is on my Bucket List.

Now I know other big names and have more favorites like Didier Drogba, Diego Forlan and Wesley Sniejder.  I also got to know some of the players that I really don't care for, like David Villa, Luis Suarez and John Pantsil (I really have nothing against Pantsil, it's just fun to say his name).  If I'm still into this stuff in 2014, I'm going to Brazil.  And now that its over for this year, maybe I can get out and live a little.  So I can have something interesting to say next go round and it won't be so sports heavy.  

Here is the "Write the Future" commercial that Nike made for The 2010 World Cup.  It's got and awesome song, "Hocus Pocus" by Focus, that starts playing at the Wayne Rooney part (0:45).  Alright, I'm off to write my future.

Riddle me this, Batman...

How is it that it can be 20 degrees cooler outside my house than it is inside my house when I've got all the fans on and some windows open? Seriously, I'm not turning my A/C on yet. If it can be 60 degrees outside, then it should be able to be 60 degrees inside. I've got several theories on this. I have yet to find any evidence to back up the ones involving ghosts and hellmouths...so its probably just bad airflow.

(Editor's note: The above was simply an observation and in no way, shape or form a complaint. While it's true that I prefer 20 degrees to 90 degrees, I'm going to do my best to refrain from griping about the heat this summer. I figure it's the least I can do since, from what I can tell, 40% of my audience could be reading this while sitting in 120 degree heat. Also, the temperature has reached the 90s and it looks like its going to stay there for a while. My A/C is on as of today. But, I already had The Riddler made up and ready to go, and I didn't want that to go to waste.)

We took a mini family vacation to Fort Worth for my cousin Jenna's graduation. Which brings me to my next riddle. How can a six hour road trip with my mom and sister be longer than a 14 hour road trip by myself? Holy Backseat Driver, Batman!!! Mother/daughter bickering, typical sibling rivalry stuff, a good helping of Oklahoma radio as well as the aforementioned backseat driving and that, dear readers, makes for a long drive. Also, a two and a half hour graduation is longer than a three and a half hour baseball game. I'm not sure how that works, but my cuz is all grown up and graduating college, and she came to all my boring ceremonies, so I'll deal with it.

Congratulations, Jenna! Welcome to the Real World!

Other things we did include: Moving my cousin out of her apartment (because it wouldn't be a vacation is I didn't get to help someone move), eating about 15 pounds of meat at Texas de Brazil steakhouse, hitting the down town club scene, or whatever you call it, with my cousins, and it was Mother's Day weekend, so we did some Mother's Day type stuff, like head to the ballpark to watch a Texas Rangers game.

Hooray for moms everywhere!!!

The following weekend, the Relay for Life got rained on for the second year in a row. This year the rain started earlier in the evening. That meant I didn't have to run around the football field at 3 in the morning chasing other teams tents and supplies that were blowing away. Yeah, last year my older sister and I were the only two people out there at 3 AM in the rain and lightning...because we're hardcore. So, I didn't have to do that this year...but I did have to wear a really gay shirt. I still don't know how I feel about that trade off.

This is pretty much exactly how that night looked.

One more thing before I go. Riddle me this. How do you make a 31 year old guy feel really old? You have him go out with his college graduate cousin and some of her friends. When you get to the club everything is cool. Then a song comes on. Not a good song mind you, but a song that everyone, and I mean everyone in the place knows...except for me. This really doesn't surprise me, seeing as how I haven't listened to Top 40 radio in years. But when I find out what that song is...when they get to the part of the song that I have heard more than my fair share of times thanks to my niece's iPod and TV viewing habits...that's when I feel old. So the answer to the riddle, "How do you make a 31 year old guy feel really old?" Stick him in a room with hundreds of colleges students dancing and singing in unison to... Miley Cyrus' "Party in the U.S.A."

No...they are NOT playing my song.

All kidding aside, it was a great time. It was good to hang out with Jenna and Emily, the cousins that I normally only see for a few hours a year at Thanksgiving and Christmas...and maybe Labor Day. The trip was a break from everything I needed a break from. And although there is still little over a week left in May, I'm going to go ahead an say that the weekend with the family was the high point of the month.

And my apologies if you now have a Miley Cyrus song stuck in you head. Maybe this will help. Its the Foo Fighters doing what they do best...rocking hard. If you don't need to get Miley out of your head...well I do. So I'm going to put the video up anyway. The Foo Fighters' "The Pretender"

Highlights and Archeology

Well, its almost May. I've written that first line 3 times now, so I guess that's how I'm going to open up this thing. So here I go. I'm about to tell the world, or a few people, what's been going on in my life. Believe you me there is plenty of goings on, too. So much that I may have to split this up into at least two separate posts. That's right, there is a whole lot of stuff going on...if this were OPPOSITE LAND!!!

Opposite Scott: He's left-handed

Work has been picking up. That means more hours, and that means more money, and that means I can retire a few hours earlier. Or I could buy stuff. Like a new iPod and a new DVD player. Mine crapped out on me this week. I'm already decided that both of those qualify as emergencies. I don't care what Dave Ramsey says, if I don't have movies and tunes in this town, I'll have a crap-ton of medical expenses from banging my head against the wall. Speaking of this town, I got denied the opportunity to get out of it. There was a job opening in Louisville, KY that I was more than qualified for. I ended up breaking rule #1 and got a little excited about it. Here's the thing, whenever I get excited about something happening...nothing happens. Therefore, I try not to get excited about anything. So that was no fun. And I think the worst part of the whole ordeal was the fact that so many people thought that if I got the job, I wouldn't leave this town as fast as possible. That makes me want to leave so much faster and go so much further away. Not that this is a bad place to live. I've said for years that this town is a great place to live...if you have kids. But, it looks like I'm stuck here for a while.

Also, cockroaches. The cockroaches will still be here.

So, that was depressing. When I get this way, I do this thing where I figure out the highlight of the day before I go to bed each night. Sometimes they're really good, sometimes they're kinda lame, sometimes the best part of the day IS going to bed. If anything, it just reminds me to enjoy the little things. Here are a few of them from various days in the past couple of weeks:

• I got my cable extended and have been able to watch a lot of baseball
• I fixed my lawnmower and now my yard looks awesome
• I got to build huge fire at my grandparent's house with my sister
  
• My tax return showed up in my account
• I cleaned my garage
  
• An even number of socks came out of the dryer
• The weather was cool enough that I could wear my brown hoodie most of the day,
  
• I got a guarantee from a couple of friends that they would visit me at least two times a year when I have to move into a nursing home in 5o years or so.

When the highlight of the day will be making it to the bathroom.

Anyway, I guess I've watched Indiana Jones too much and expect life to be a 24/7 adventure. Dr. Jones himself said, "Seventy percent of all archaeology is done in the library. Research. Reading." I guess that means that his seemingly exciting life is exciting only 30 percent of the time, which if my math is right, is 109.5 days of the year, which still sounds like a lot. And I just sat here and actually figured it up, and up to this point I've had about 30 days that have been pretty exciting and/or memorable. That's about 26%. And that ain't bad, especially since none of those days involved finding holy relics or fighting Nazis. There was way too much math involved in this post.

One more thing before I go. This is currently my favorite song. It's called "See the World" by Gomez. It starts out sort of depressing, but turns around at the end. Kinda like this post...ha. You should listen to it, or better yet, watch the video.

Best. Vacation. Ever.

I don't really know how write about my trip to India. I didn't really go over there to see the sights or anything like that. I went over there to see my friends. They being in a awesome place I'd never been before was just an added bonus. If you want to know what it was like over there, it was like this. the weather was hot...but not really hot. We had great weather while I was there. The smog was a little much, as was the traffic...crazy. The people...there were a lot of them, but only three times did I feel like pushing people off of me. They all liked to stare at white folks too. That part was uncomfortable at first, then it didn't bother me, then it was annoying. The food was really good and it didn't tear up my insides like I thought it would. Khan Cha Cha...go there if you can. Also whatever the place was that we went on my b-day.

And, of course we did some touristy things. Here is somewhat of a rundown of those.

Rajghat, Gandhi Museum, India Gate, Parliament, Khan Market, Taj Mahal, Lodhi Gardens, Akshardham, train ride, Jaipur (Amber Fort elephant ride, world's largest cannon at Jaigarh Fort, world's largest sundial at Jantar Mantar, world's largest silver kettles and wicked awesome weapons room at City Palace), Hauz Khas...other stuff that I can't remember right now. I did not go to a single mosque or temple while I was there. I was told that extremely unusual, especially since I was there for two weeks.

That is what I did in India. If you want to know more about that stuff, feel free to ask me. The things that stick out in my mind aren't the places I went or the things I saw. It's the good times with great friends. Here's what I'll remember when I think of this trip:

I'll remember going to Rajghat, which is pretty much the most important memorial in India, and feeling like stupid Americans for not knowing what it was all about. Just so you know, it's where Gandhi was cremated.

I'll remember having a fool-proof plan to beat the jetlag. Then I had two straight days of waking up at 4 AM. Later I was convinced that Joe and Amberley were the most evil people in the universe because they wouldn't let me go to sleep when I wanted to (9:00 PM).

I'll remember everything that went wrong (getting lost in North Delhi on my first rickshaw ride, being without power in Jaipur and in Delhi, having no water for the first couple of days in the new flat, internet access being non-existent)

I'll remember realizing that even though I haven't really cared for my birthday in 10+ years or so, 3 of my best have been in the past 5 years. This one was definitely up there, even though it was the only day I felt sick and my birthday dessert ended up shattered on the kitchen counter and floor.

I'll remember helping them move. I remember feeling bad that they wouldn't let me help the first day. They made me sit around the temporary house while they did all the lifting and carrying. I felt better after they let me help. Anyone want to guess what my spiritual gift is?

I'll remember sitting in the landlord's living room at around midnight after walking around a 100 degree Jaipur all day and riding in a train all night. we were hot, tired, dirty, we had no water, we had no power, and I was eating a bowl of ice cream (I don't like ice cream). It was then that I decided that this was my favorite vacation ever.

I'll remember having an awkward conversation with another one of the workers who may or may not be Jeff Bridges' half-brother.

I'll remember the cricket match. Amberley being as mad as I've ever seen her (and hopefully ever see her) at the security lady for trying to take her bag. And 20 minutes later yelling and cheering in the stands with the rest of the fans, even though I had no idea about anything that was going on.

I'll remember separate but equal conversations. One with Amberley on the way back from Agra, and one with Joe on the way to Jaipur. I operate so much better on a one-on-one basis, and I rarely get to do that with either of them anymore. I'm very thankful that I was able to talk to both of them individually.

I'll remember the everyday Indian life that the Futterers have to deal with: heat, constant smog, crazy traffic, language barrier, lots of dirt, everybody trying to rip them off because they're white (yeah, I just played the race card). Before I went, I never realized how different and harder things could be for them and other workers. I now have a better idea of what they deal with, what they need, how to pray for them, etc.

I told them on the way to the airport that even though a lot of things went wrong while I was there, I wouldn't change anything about my visit. That's not exactly true. If I could have, I would have stayed longer. How much longer? Well I have a six month visa...so that sounds good. Also, I would liked to have been able to see them work. I picked a good/bad time to visit depending on how you look at it. The universities they work with were out on break and a lot of the students and other workers had gone home. It was good because they weren't tied up in meetings and work and I pretty much had their undivided attention. We were, for the most part, able to do a whole lot of goofing off. I'm thankful for that. Bad because I would have like to get a better idea of the work they are doing over there. Meet some of the people whose lives they are impacting. Seen them in their element. Regardless, it was still the best vacation ever.

Oh...and we went to the Sulabh International Museum of Toilets.