A Little Fruit Cake to Digest

Okay, so Christmas rocks. What more can I say? It really is my favorite time of year, and the time of year when some of the best memories are made. Here are my favorite Christmas memories of 2007.

Christmas Dinner

My mom's cooking rocks. Seriously. You can't get anything better than a home-cooked meal. We made sure that for at least one day, all of us got to sit together. Usually, the kids sit at the kitchen counter and the adults sit around the table. But, they feel left out! So, I was the best favorite auntie ever and stood up for the little guys, insisting that we rearrange until they would all fit around the table. Their joy at being a part of it all was great.

Christmas Eve Nativity Scene

This is a tradition at our house, as is the chaos that accompanies it. The characters can include goose herders, one lone sheep who never really listens to the shepherds and would rather sleep on the couch, an angel who forgets her lines and is prompted by the audience, and four wise-men instead of the typical three. While the basic story stays the same, every year, it's a little bit different, and therefore, one of my favorite memories every year. There was the year when Daniel wanted to play the star. So, he did. Then, there was the time that Sarah was the angel and shed glittery stuff all over the place. The year one of the kids decided to herd my mom's stuffed goose has started a new tradition. And this year, Sage forgot her lines. Of course, the best part of it all is when my dad says the manger was crowded. None of us can hear the nativity story in the bible without adding this line at the end of the verse!

Christmas Music

My brother Jon brought his guitar and we all sang Christmas songs after our nativity scene. I love singing with my family. Maybe that's one reason I love Christmas time so much. It's really the only time we can all get together and just have an old-fashioned Barney style jam fest. After the guitar stuff, Jon got out the new trumpet Jody got him for Christmas. It's been a long time since he's had a trumpet, and honestly, he rocks as a trumpet player. I mean, seriously. He said he was a little rusty after so many years, but the songs he played were nearly flawless. It was beautiful, and I was reminded how much I enjoy listening to him toot his own horn! ;-)

Christmas Presents

There is just something about having someone who opens a gift from you and exclaims, "WOAH!!!!!" and proceeds to rejoice about it for quite some time afterwards. There's a certain joy that comes from seeing six animals flying through the air and the ensuing chaos that comes from the excitement of that particular gift. I can now tell Patti to have a cow, and tell David things will only happen when pigs fly. Rachael gave us all a little tidbit of excitement. (Way to steal everyone else's thunder! ;-) She gave my mom a picture of her family, including the new little one due in August. Of course, it's a white outline with a question mark on it, but it's still pretty exciting. I'm hoping for a boy . . . or a girl . . . just as long as it's not an ugly baby. But, looking at the first two, odds are pretty good that no matter what it is, it's gonna be cute, and I'm gonna be the favorite auntie! Really, that's all that matters!! Seth and Danna also rock, and got me Guitar Hero for Christmas. I've played with it constantly for the past three days. I figure, I have to get as much playing time with it as possible before school starts back up and my responsibility keeps me from being a rock star. My Dad got some stuff for his train set, and my mom got a new kitchen toy, so on Christmas day, all three of us were "playing" with our new toys. It was actually quite entertaining!

Christmas Vacation

Who am I kidding? One of the best parts of Christmas is not having to get up and go to work until the new year! (My apologies and condolences to those of you who do not have the luxury of sleeping in and playing until January 2!) I also rather enjoy the freedom of doing whatever I want to. Unlike last year, I haven't felt obligated to do anything for school during the break. It's been a nice feeling. The day after Christmas, I spent all day at Rachael's house watching Hairspray, playing Guitar Hero, playing Dance Dance Revolution, and just all around having fun. Her boys are always a great source of entertainment. Another day, I spent the entire day reading. I love being able to just sit and read all day long!

All in all, the break has been wonderful. Christmas was wonderful. I've been able to de-stress quite a bit, and I'm not nearly as close to quitting my job as I was a few weeks ago. I think my financial obligations are grateful for that fact! ;-)

This is the Tower

This is the tower.

These are the pretzels that formed the tower.


This is the oil that fried the pretzels that formed the tower.


These are the irons that shaped the pretzels inside the oil that fried the pretzels that formed the tower.


These are the chopsticks that eased the pretzels off the irons that shaped the pretzels inside the oil that fried the pretzels that formed the tower.


These are the sisters that used the chopsticks that eased the pretzels off the irons that shaped the pretzels inside the oil that fried the pretzels that formed the tower.


This is the Harry that serenaded the sisters that used the chopsticks that eased the pretzels off the irons that formed the pretzels inside the oil that fried the pretzels that formed the tower.


This is the grinch who "you guys"-ed the sisters that listened to Harry and used the chopsticks that eased the pretzels off the irons that shaped the pretzels inside the oil that fried the pretzels that formed the tower.


Despite the grinch who "you guys"-ed the sisters that listened to Harry and used the chopsticks that eased the pretzels off the irons that shaped the pretzels inside the oil that fried the pretzels that formed the tower, this is the tower.

Christmas Spirit CPR

Okay, so my last post might have come off sounding a little scroogish. All I can say is 28 10 year-olds in December.

Despite my bah humbug comments last time, I really do enjoy Christmas. In fact, it's my favorite holiday. It even surpasses my birthday on the greatness factor. (I know. You NEVER would have expected me to say my birthday isn't the GREATEST day of the year!!) And so, in the spirit of the holidays, I give you fail-proof ways to resuscitate the Christmas Spirit.

1. Christmas socks Seriously, they work. How can you not feel the spirit of the holiday when you have dancing reindeer on your feet?

2. Christmas shopping Going Christmas shopping with my sisters and my Dad is beyond fun. Who knew shopping with Dad would be fun? He is sooo not a shopper like the female portion of my family. But, we had a blast. The only thing missing to make it a truly perfect experience was Shauna. That's my goal for next year . . . Christmas shopping with ALL my sisters!!

This past weekend I got up at 7:30 a.m. (on a Saturday . . . gasp!!!!) to shop with Rachael and Patti. My Dad met us at about 9:00. Before my Dad got there, we "power-shopped" all over the store. Once he got there, we ended up "power-shopping" all over the valley, only to end up right where we started!! Oh well. While we drove everywhere, my Dad told us some great stories . . . soaking some poor guy when my Dad drove through a huge puddle, trying to get home from the police station on a motorcycle after being unable to get his motorcycle license. I think I need to convince him to write some of these things down! I had my first experience with cheese on a stick (a little messy, great with ketchup) and we got to see the most hilarious car. How can you not feel the Christmas spirit when you are giggling all over the valley with your family?

Seriously, who turns a station wagon into a low-rider with flames?

3. Christmas Music This one is kind of a given. I love music--especially Christmas music. After dinner tonight, I was singing "Jingle Bell Rock" with Sarah, Ella, and Josh. Well, we were sort of singing it! It was kind of like, "Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock, jingle bell swing, and da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, that's the jingle bell rock!!" Well, we had fun, any way! I have my phone ringer set to Harry Connick, Jr. singing "I Pray on Christmas" and it makes me smile any time it rings! I love singing "O Holy Night" during the holidays. And while the alto part of "Still, Still, Still" is really boring, it is still (ha, ha) one of my favorite songs. I think out of everything, the music is my favorite way to get into the Christmas spirit! I wonder if my students sang me Christmas songs every day until break that I would be less of a grinch at school . . .

4. Christmas Lights This is probably my second favorite way to get the Christmas spirit. They are just so . . . pretty. Okay, I know that was a lame, typical explanation, but honestly, that's the best way I can think about it. There's just something about looking at Christmas lights that lightens (ha, ha) my spirits and makes me happy. Temple Square is the best, but any old Christmas tree will do!

So, here's to being less of a scrooge and remembering that even though kids are psycho this time of year, you can always resuscitate the Christmas spirit!!

Awww Moments and The Christmas Spirit

How can you not look at this kid and say, "awww . . .!!" Drakkin was blessed on Sunday, and I must say, he looked adorable in his little Chinese coat his grandma made him. Of course, he looks cute in just about anything! I mean, seriously. Just look at him!!

Any way, the blessing was extra nice . . . for more reasons that just seeing Drakkin in a cute outfit. For the first time in literally years, all of my siblings were at church. And we all got to be there together. With all the nieces and nephews. It was nice, like the "warm fuzzies" kind of nice, to have all my siblings at church. And being able to show off all the cute nieces and nephews was just an added perk.

On Sunday night, I also got to go to the First Presidency Christmas Devotional at the Conference Center. That was cool. I love seeing the Conference Center all decked out for Christmas. I love seeing the lights on Temple Square. It's like a highly-concentrated shot of Christmas Spirit that you would assume would keep you high all year long. Alas, it didn't work quite as well this year. On my way home from work today, I decided that there are certain things that kill the Christmas spirit.

1. Naughty Children
I don't mean your garden variety "I sprayed lysol all over the bathroom" or "you mean butter isn't meant for VCR's?" naughty. I mean downright, make other children cry and adults cringe at the naughtiness that comes out of your mouth. Seriously. I'd take a buttered VCR any day over the things I heard in school today!

2. Hover Mothers
I know I've blogged about hover mothers before. But seriously. It just keeps getting worse as the year goes on.

3. People Who Don't Have the Christmas Spirit
How many of you would jump at the chance to buy a small gift like a doll or a toy car for a kid who would otherwise not get a Christmas present? Maybe it's just me, but opportunities like that are my favorite way to get into the Christmas Spirit. It makes me sad to see others who are very capable of giving miss that opportunity. Somehow I don't think singing, "You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch . . . " to them would help get them the Christmas Spirit!

4. Finals
Okay, so I'm not really in school right now, but who decided it was a good idea to have finals during the month of December? I don't think I was ever NOT stressed about a finals week in college . . . except the one right before I left on my mission. Actually, I was very un-stressed that week, much to the annoyance of my classmates! Ironically enough, that semester I did better on my finals than any other semester in college. Go figure. Any way, I digress. Finals are stressful. Christmas time is stressful. Why combine the two?

So, what is one to do to maintain the Christmas Spirit in spite of the many Christmas Spirit killers? Wear Christmas socks. Seriously. I got a few new pairs today, and that made everything better. I'm rejuvenated with the Christmas Spirit. They are like the patch that gets an addict through the day. You can't be a Scrooge when you have monkeys hanging off strings of lights adorning your feet. While you might not agree on the Christmas Spirit killers, trust me on the socks!

Gobble, Gobble, Baby!

I can't remember why my sister and I used to take such great joy out of saying that to each other on Thanksgiving. Whatever the reason was then, now it's just one of those dumb things we say that make us laugh for no apparent reason. Isn't that what having sisters is all about any way? Laughing at things for no apparent reason? Like cantaloupe. And cheese sauce. And pretzels. Yes, food can be hilarious. In honor of the holiday, I'd like to take turkey for example.

Who decided that a turkey would be a bird you eat on Thanksgiving and a good nickname for small children? Add that to the fact that in bowling, three strikes makes a turkey. And it's a small country in Europe. So are you calling the kid a domesticated bird used for food, three strikes, or a country? Why are three strikes in baseball not called a turkey? If you look up the word in the dictionary, it is also used to describe a person who is inept or undesirable. So, does that mean that turkey is undesirable? Even if it tastes good? Or maybe three strikes are undesirable. I guess in baseball they are, but in bowling they aren't. Or maybe the kid you call a turkey is undesirable. A turkey can also be an event that fails badly . . . so, why does the turkey become the symbol of Thanksgiving? Do we want that kind of bad karma on our holidays?

Well, I for one am grateful for hilarious foods. Like cantaloupe. And cheese sauce. And pretzels. And turkey. Gobble, Gobble, baby!

Happy Birthday Drakkin!

Yeah, he's a keeper! I mean, seriously . . . check out this kid's sideburns! That makes 15 nieces and nephews . . . being the favorite auntie is getting harder, but definitely worth it!

Why Was the Frog Playing On the Road?

Because the road had cool flashing cars on it and the frog was really the cutest little two-year-old in the family who just LOVES his Auntie Esther! Patti tried to convince me that the only reason Drew kept on coming over to see me on Halloween was because I had cars on myself. Of course, I know better than that! He would have visited frequently, even without the cars . . . they were just an added benefit! Besides, every time I was holding Drew (the Frog Prince . . . just in case you missed the crown in the picture) I got to say that he was road kill! You can't get much better than that!

I can't take all the credit for the hilariousness of my costume. Shauna originally made Nathan a road for Halloween when I was on my mission. I got the letter that said Nathan was going to be a road before I got the picture of Nathan as a road, and I was sooo confused! But, once I had a visual, I thought it was hilarious! Hence, the idea to be a road . . . or in my case, several roads, for Halloween. I didn't take all of Shauna's advice, though. She suggested putting traffic cones on myself in a Madonna-like fashion. Riiiiiight. Like that would be a good over well at an elementary school!!

Most of my students got a kick out of it. One of the sixth graders responded, "AWESOME!!!" every time he walked past me. Parents snickered, teachers burst out laughing, and the lunch lady said all I was missing was a speed bump! The next day, I had my students writing newspaper articles and my warning signs on my costume were a hot topic to write about. I had one near my foot that said, "pavement ends." I had another one that said, "End Construction" but Drewser is standing in front of that sign and the construction zone on my costume. All in all, for as much as I dreaded Halloween (I think all elementary teachers experience this angst . . . especially when Halloween happens to be the first day back to school after a five day weekend!) I think it turned out pretty well. Of course, having a fun costume always adds to the joy of the holiday . . . no matter your age! The only problem now is that I have to come up with an even more creative costume next year!

Musings on Motherhood

Last month I had the privilege of joining the ranks of working moms for ten days while my sister was in China. It was quite a learning experience, to say the least! There are definite perks to temporary motherhood, with the biggest one being that it's temporary! I love my nephews and got used to having them around during their 10 day stay at my house, but whew . . . it's exhausting! I don't think I slept during the entire time because I was so afraid that something was going to happen and my sister was going to kill me!! Sure, they spent the day at Aunt Patti's house (a professional mom, not an amateur like me), but I was confident that if anything happened to Jeebub and Dew, it would be my fault . . . professional moms like Patti don't let things happen to their kids! (Even if they are temporary kids!) But, I didn't injure them physically or emotionally, and I came out still being the favorite auntie. Who could ask for anything else!

Here are a few other things I learned while being a temporary mom.

• Working moms rock. I don't know how they do it. They simply rock.
• Single moms rock. I don't know how they do it. They simply rock.
• Morning people are way cuter when they are two and three.
• Cute morning people can still wake you up WAY too early. Like 3:30 a.m. early. Then, it's not so cute.
• Motherhood forces you to prioritize your To Do Lists. But, you still don't get anything done because it's way more fun to play with the kids.
• When Drew says "Esther," I'll pretty much give him whatever he wants.
• Auntie Mode and Mommy Mode don't go well together. Auntie's don't discipline, they merely spoil. But in Mommy Mode, sometimes you have to say no!
• Singing Southern Santa is a lifesaver.
• Bedtime routines for kids are WAY longer than bedtime routines for me. But, by the time their bedtime routine is done, I'm so ready for bed!
• It's really easy to get the Little Einstein's song stuck in your head . . . for days . . . "We're going on a trip in our favorite rocket ship, zooming through the sky, Little Einsteins! Climb aboard, get ready to explore . . . " I seriously had this song stuck in my head all day one day at school, only to come home and watch another episode before bedtime!!
• Having the Little Einstein's theme song stuck in my head was so worth having Jeebub yell "BWAST OFF!!!!" and Dew say, "pat, pat, pat, pat, pat . . . " every time the rocket takes off.
• I am SOOO not ready for the full-time gig . . . being an auntie is WAY easier!

While we're on the topic of motherhood, let me share a few thoughts on Hoover Mothers. Rachael, despite what you think, you don't have a monopoly on dealings with crazy people!! This is one of those horror stories new teachers don't ever want to hear about, let alone experience! Why are they called Hoover Mothers, you ask? Think Hoover Vacuums, and you'll start to get an idea of why the title evolved from Hover Mother and Helicopter Mom. The title of Hoover Mother is earned through extreme amounts of diligence and persistence. If you want to join the ranks of the prestigious few who drive teachers up the walls, follow the example of this year's reigning Hoover Mother Champion.

• Be sure to go with your fifth grade student to school on the first day and have them pose for pictures for several minutes after class has started.
• Visit your student's teachers every day before and after school and suck up all the air by discussing how your student has never done so poorly in school and therefore, it must be the teachers this year who are making her a poor student.
• While visiting the teachers, be sure to ask that each day, they double check with your student to see if they have turned in the homework, if they have any questions they need answered, if they have a sharpened pencil for class, if they brought their workbook to class, etc. Make sure EVERYTHING is the teacher's responsibility.
• Check your student's grades online every night and e-mail the teacher every time the grades aren't updated immediately . . . like the minute the paper was turned in.
• When the teacher says it is too late to turn in an assignment, go see the teacher during class to ask for a copy of the assignment so your student can turn it in any way. Of course, you have to make sure the teacher knows you fully expect credit on the assignment.
• When the aforementioned assignment isn't added to the grade, personally deliver the paper to the teacher to insure it is graded. If the teacher is out of their room at the moment, put it in the door and send them an e-mail to make sure they got it. Then, call the teacher to make sure they got the e-mail and the paper in the door.
• Each time you don't agree with the homework policy the teacher uses for the entire class, make sure they know that your student's third grade teacher never expected that from your student. Therefore, it is inappropriate to expect fifth graders to turn in their homework within a week of when it was assigned.
• When you look at a math paper with fifth grade story problems on it from the teacher, ask the teacher how you are supposed to do it.
• Come into the classroom during a test and start talking with your student, successfully disrupting your student and everyone else around them.
• Offer to come in and help your student on their tests.

If you have merely been called a Helicopter Mom or a Hover Mother, you haven't worked hard enough!! It is only when you become a Hoover Mother that you can enter the school with confidence that the three fifth grade teachers take turns avoiding you!

And so, to all you mothers out there, please, save what little sanity we teachers possess! Don't become Hoover Mothers!!

The Computer Ate My Homework

One of my biggest pet peeves as a teacher is having some kid come up and feed me an excuse as to why they don't have their homework finished. "I was busy last night." "We were painting our house." "I left it at school." My personal favorite is "You didn't give me any homework." Oh, okay. Well, if you say I didn't give you homework, I must not have given you homework.

Well, as a student, I never gave my teachers an excuse as to why I didn't have homework. What am I saying? I don't think I ever went to class empty-handed. I have my perfectionist tendencies to thank for that. And so, it brings me great distress to confess that for my class this evening, I ended up going to class empty-handed. But it wasn't my fault. Really. I typed my homework because I have an easier time keeping up with my train of thought if I type instead of write. And, okay. I'm an over-achiever. I admit it. Well, I usually save my file on my jump drive and e-mail it to myself at work so I can print it. All was going well until I realized that I had forgotten to save my file to my jump drive. When I realized it, the power was out. Seriously. We were without power for like 13 hours between yesterday and today. "No biggie," I thought. "I'll just retrieve my e-mail at work and print it." So off I went to work thinking that all was well in homework land. Alas, it was not to be. Due to unknown technological difficulties, the entire school district was without e-mail today. My homework is stranded on the information superhighway without an emergency contact.

Fortunately, my teacher was understanding and is granting an extension. Maybe this will teach me to be more understanding when my students come and tell me why they don't have their homework to turn in. Yeah, right!

Intelligent and Beautiful Children

I learned a valuable lesson this year that will bring comfort to all you mothers (or expectant mothers) out there who fear their children will be stupid and ugly. (Yes, I know you might say that it doesn't matter--they are your children and you love them regardless of anything, but I have older sisters with kids. I hear all the good "mom crisis" stuff that comes with pregnancy concerning stupid and ugly kids!) As far as the ugly goes, if you have any knowledge of human genetics, it's pretty much guaranteed that unless you and your spouse are ugly, your kids are pretty safe from that specific concern. Besides, no one will ever tell you to your face that your kid is ugly any way, so there's nothing to worry about! (Mom!! You put the ugly baby in my bed!! Poor baby probably doesn't even know he's ugly!)

So now to those of you who don't care if your kids are ugly, but are very concerned about your kids being stupid. (What am I saying . . . everyone is concerned about having ugly kids!) I'm currently taking a university course about Gifted and Talented Education. (I've been roped into getting my Gifted Endorsement . . . apparently you need special training to teach smart kids. Go figure. A college degree isn't good enough for them.) Well, the other day we were discussing how children are becoming more intelligent. Apparently, there are more gifted students who are scoring higher on IQ tests than there used to be. So here's where the comfort of not having stupid kids comes in. The theory is that back in the days before women went to college, the guys would go off to school, get smarter, and come home and marry a "home-town" girl who had a high school education. Their kids would have medium intelligence. (smart guy + mediocre intelligence girl = medium intelligence kids) Well, now women are going to college and getting more intelligent as well. So, you get a smart guy with a smart girl together and end up with smart kids. (smart guy + smart girl = smart kids) But, if you get a super smart guy with a super smart girl, you end up with weird kids. (super smart guy + super smart girl = weird kids) How is this possible? Can you really be TOO smart? Apparently you can. Once you get an IQ of about 130, you're still okay. But if it is any higher than that, you just get weird. So, the moral of the story is that if you want smart, but not weird kids, make sure you don't marry someone who is super smart if you happen to fall into that category yourself. If you are super smart with an IQ close to 130, just make sure to marry someone dumber than yourself and all will be well--the only weirdness your kids have won't be due to faulty genetics! After we discussed the genetic aspect of smart kids, my teacher said, "and of course, the opposite is true as well." She obviously didn't want to say that stupid people have stupid kids! But we all already knew that any way, right? ;-)

As my dad says concerning his students, "You're stupid and ugly, and now that I've met your parents, I know why!" So for the sake of your posterity . . . don't marry the stupid and ugly!

*A disclaimer: My dad doesn't actually say that to his students . . . just to those of us who followed in his footsteps and joined the under-appreciated ranks of educators!

Epiphany #2: Verbosity Is Not Always Welcome

I've discovered many times since becoming an educator that teachers make the worst students. We do everything in class that drives us crazy when our students do it in our class. We have super short attention spans. We talk while the teacher is talking. We don't pay attention during class. We . . . well, you get the point. So, with that said, here's a little something in our defense. When teachers become students, it is usually at the end of a very long day. My classes I'm in right now don't even start until 4:30 p.m. after I've had a full day of teaching. We are usually tired, hungry (due to the fact that I have lunch at 11:30 a.m.), and although we may be enjoying the class, we aren't all that excited to be there when thoughts of going home and curling up with a good book permeate our thoughts during the entire lecture. It is in cases like this where I discover just how much verbosity in speaking is really annoying. I know I've confessed to being a verbose writer, but I have a theory about that.

People would much rather have to read something from a verbose writer than listen to a verbose speaker who goes over the alloted time for their speech/lecture/lesson.

Exhibit A: When one encounters a verbose writer, they have the option of putting aside the extensive soliloquy and coming back later when they are prepared to take on more reading. Breaks can be extensive and frequent. (For example, I took many, many breaks while trying to muddle through a particularly long and boring text book the other day.) With verbose speakers, it is considered a social faux pas to get up and leave in the middle of a lecture. (Okay, so maybe it isn't a faux pas . . . but it is usually considered rude! I just like the term "faux pas" and feel smarter knowing how to use the phrase and spell it!)

Exhibit B: Verbosity is welcomed in writing--even encouraged. English teachers everywhere encourage you to add more detail . . . in essence, become more verbose in your writing. When you read something with wonderful detail, you tell all your friends how beautiful and descriptive it is. When you listen to a verbose speaker, you tell all your friends how long the speaker went on, and on, and on . . .

Exhibit C: Speakers are usually given a time limit. The people in the audience are given a specific time as to when they will be able to leave the presentation and move on with their lives. As a result, about 5 minutes before the speaker is supposed to stop, people quit listening. You might deny it, but I'm sure you all know exactly what I'm talking about. I am willing to bet that all of you have missed the last 5 minutes of a lesson or talk because you were watching the clock to see if they would end on time. And when they don't, you get annoyed and wonder if they can see that they are over time.

Exhibit D: The written word works into your time schedule. You can read it any time you want. You have to fit into the time schedule of the spoken word. You have to make time in your busy life to get to the talk/lesson/class/etc. You usually can't just listen to it at your leisure.

Exhibit E: How many times have you heard someone complain about how long a written piece was verses the number of times you've heard someone complain about how long a lecture was? Although there are complaints about both, the complaints about the latter are usually much more abundant.

I rest my case. I will confess there may be some flaws in my reasoning. There are times where the spoken word is way better than the written word. There are even times where a long-winded speaker is welcomed . . . like when you have to speak after them and don't have the time to do so. (Unless of course you are just rescheduled to speak the next week!) But, when you are teaching a class full of teachers, it's probably in your best interest to not make the class go over the alloted time . . . they begin to grumble, and that will inevitably lead to rioting. And rioting teachers can be an ugly thing. Trust me. I've seen it.

Maybe we all just need to be a little more patient . . . or maybe presenters just need to supply more chocolate to encourage patience. Or maybe we just need to start a campaign to stop verbosity before it starts. We could use the slogan "Friends Don't Let Friends Speak verbosely!!" Or maybe it could say, "Stop Verbosity Before . . . " Or maybe in particularly long lectures, we could all simply chant, "Short and Sweet, Short and Sweet, Short and Sweet . . . " I know what you're thinking . . . as if that wouldn't be a social faux pas! Hey, it might catch on someday!

Epiphany #1: I Have a Connection

I had an epiphany this week. Actually, I had several epiphanies. (I remember when I learned the word "epiphany." I was a Sophomore in high school and it was in my World History class. My teacher used to give us these "words of the week" that we could earn extra credit with by including them in our essays. Let's just say I came up with some rather ridiculous sentences in order to make the words fit into my essays. . . but I got the extra credit!) However, my epiphanies are going to be in different posts. That way, my sisters can't bug me for not blogging very often. You might say I'm hording blogging possibilities . . . but really, you love the suspense! I know you do!

First of all, I learned that as a teacher, it is really important to keep the perspective of your students in mind. No duh, right? Well, it took a couple of very confusing hours in order to remind me that unlike me, not everyone is born with amazing intelligence. So on Wednesday afternoon I was trying to teach my students about connections. You know, when you read a book and you are reminded of something else--either that you have read in another book, seen somewhere in the world, or done yourself. ( I remember learning about connections in college. We played this getting to know you game where one person would start talking about anything they had done that summer and they would keep going until someone else could say "I can connect with that." The new person would then talk until someone else could connect, and so on until the entire class was connected by some random yet similar event. Just don't ask me what we did the rest of that three hour class period!) Well, we were trying to focus on text to self connections--where the story reminds you of some experience you have had. I explained what it was and how all good readers do this--think of connections as they read--and I demonstrated the concept several times. I read to them from our book we are studying and connected to an event from a few weeks ago. Then, I read some more and connected to an event from my childhood. Then I read some more and . . . well, you get the point. By the end of the lesson, I swear I had half the class come and ask me what a connection was. I was, needless to say, a little distressed at the lack of comprehension!!!

Any way, I was volunteered to be the GEA rep for my school. It sounds great when it's in abbreviations like that. It can't be too hard, right? It's short, sweet, and to the point. Ummmm . . . no. I had my first meeting on Wednesday afternoon--shortly after the connection conundrum in reading class. This is how my first association meeting went. "Gibberish, gibberish, gibberish . . . . white paper . . . gibberish, gibberish, gibberish, gibberish, gibberish . . . . pink paper . . . gibberish, gibberish, gibberish, gibberish, gibberish . . . meeting adjourned. At least I knew that "meeting adjourned" meant I could go home! Otherwise I might STILL be sitting there!!! (Of course, I thought yesterday I'd still be standing on the street corner at the Gateway . . . but we'll get to that story in a minute.) I sat there with a glazed expression on my face, trying really hard to look like I knew what was going on. (I did get the part of the meeting where they demonstrated how to use a flash drive for the technologically challenged . . . ) As I was driving home feeling utterly perplexed and very shell-shocked, I realized that was probably how my students had felt earlier that day! Hey!! I just made a connection! After all, that is what good readers do!

The Rains Came Down, and The Floods Came Up

And the house on the rock stood still . . . but it was still really wet. I wonder if Noah made his kids come and clean up their hud after the flood. Our parents sure did. It's amazing how large an empty room--or at least mostly empty room--can look. In fact, the spaciousness of the basement spurred several top-notch ideas about what to do with our new-found space.

1. A Skating Rink
My parents weren't too fond of this idea, but perhaps I can sell them on it yet! Just imagine--an entire basement dedicated to skating. We could add some lights, a killer sound system, and we'd have the best parties in town!

2. A Velcro Playground
Just imagine it--children of all ages will flock to our basement to be tossed against the wall in the ever-stylish velcro jumpsuits! We could even add those inflatable obstacle courses in the middle of the room where we could have races to see who could get through the course and onto the wall the fastest!

3. A Playroom
Just what every Grandparent needs--a place to send the kids during the winter so the adults don't have to compete with screaming children who are tired of being cooped up inside! We discussed putting my Dad's train on a shelf all around the outside of the room, thus bringing enjoyment to all his grandsons, but still protecting his investment from little wandering hands.

4. An Entertainment Paradise
Complete with big screen TV (72 inches, according to Adam), a wall to project movies on, Dance Dance Revolution, Guitar Hero (according to Seth), and a wet bar--Mormon style (according to Dad), there is little reason to doubt this would be the "paradise" of all your entertainment needs! Add a few lava lamps and a disco ball for ambiance, and let's get the party started! Maybe I can convince Dad of this one even more if I insist that it will be THE place to watch the football games!

5. A Walk-in Closet
I could always use a larger closet! Rotating clothes racks would be nice. Add several mirrors, lots of good lighting, and you've got the girly girl's dream! Of course, I've never done very well playing the girly girl. Maybe this idea isn't so good after all . . . but a larger closet would be nice!

6. A Bowling Alley
Again, add disco balls, lava lamps, a killer sound system, and we'd have awesome parties! We could have the little gutter guards for the little kids and organize our own bowling league. Maybe we could even get matching bowling shirts!

7. An Office
BORING!!! But, the fact is, it would be nice to have a place to do schoolwork where Mom doesn't have to complain about all the "school stuff" Dad and I bring home at night! Of course, having a killer sound system and a big screen would be necessary to encourage multi-tasking!

8. An Exercise Room
Too bad it wouldn't get much use this way! Maybe we should just put a couple of stationary bikes in the entertainment room!

9. A Racquetball Court
I could brush up on my game, Rachael could learn, and Dave could laugh at our lack of skill. What more could you ask for?

10. A Laser Tag Course
It might be small, but it could still be very entertaining!

11. A Karaoke Bar
Again, Mormon style, with root beer being the strongest drink served! I'm more partial to milkshakes, myself. Just imagine--stage lights, a couple of TV screens, a karaoke machine, awesome speakers for the sound system . . . it would be a blast!

12. A Miniature Golf Course
We could put a windmill in there, a putting green for the more serious golfers, and basically just go crazy in designing it. Every grandkid could be in charge of designing their own hole . . . Matthew's would look very similar to a drool mark and Drew could name his "ooom-bah!"

Okay, so maybe there are some outrageous ideas, but I think I can sell them to my parents! Actually, I think they are pretty close to being sold on the entertainment room/playroom idea. Just a little more finagling and we can get the party started!

The First Day of School

Fortunately, the beginning of the school year increases the sanity of mothers everywhere. Unfortunately, it decreases the sanity of teachers everywhere.

Fortunately, I had a new cute outfit to wear today. Unfortunately, I couldn't find any dark socks that would match so I had to wear white socks . . . with black pants . . . and black shoes. Fortunately, no one could see my socks because my pants were too long! Unfortunately, I kept stepping on the back of my pants. Fortunately, they will probably shrink a little in the wash.

Fortunately, I'm doing pretty good with learning my new students' names. Unfortunately, I was thinking about the new kids' names so much, I called one of my old students the name of one of my new students!

Fortunately, I have several "teacher pleasers" in my class. Unfortunately, I also have some rambunctious young 'uns. Fortunately, they were so shocked when I said, "Gentlemen . . . chill out!" that they listened! Unfortunately, the shock of my phrases will probably wear off!

Fortunately, I actually want to go back to school tomorrow. Unfortunately, I can't guarantee this sentiment for the entire year!

Fortunately, my class is already better behaved than most of my class last year. Unfortunately . . . what am I thinking! There IS no "unfortunately" for this fact! How very fortunate for me that the fourth grade teachers knew I needed a good class to ensure my presence for a third year of teaching! And while we're on the fortunate side of things (which, by the way, dominated my day . . . woo hoo!!!) here's a few more things that don't have unfortunate sides!

Fortunately, I have smart kids that say "femur" when we are doing Mad Libs at the end of the day and need the name of a body part. (Of course, I had to explain what a femur was to the rest of the class, but hey, aren't teaching moments what it's all about?)

Fortunately, I have a class of students who understand that part of being respectful is taking care of the things in our classroom.

Fortunately, when I count down from five, the students are actually ready to listen--with their hands free, feet still, eyes on me, mouths closed, and ears ready--by the time I get to 1. In fact, they are usually back in their seats by the time I get that far. Here's to hoping it lasts all year long.

Fortunately, when I have to leave the room to run errands, I don't worry that I'll be able to hear my class all the way down the hall. I also don't worry that I'll have 10 kids standing watch at the door to warn the class when I'm coming back!

Fortunately, your first year of teaching only happens once! Three cheers for the second year!


*A note to my loyal readers and fellow Bloggers--the "fortunately, unfortunately" part of this came from a book. It's really a very dumb book, but entertaining in spite of it's dumbness. In fact, it's so dumb, it's funny. And yes, it is called "Fortunately." If you are interested, fortunately, I've included the link to Amazon so you can read more about it. Unfortunately, I don't have the book so you can't borrow it from me. Fortunately, you can buy it yourself. Unfortunately, that is more expensive than borrowing it from someone. Fortunately, it doesn't cost that much. Unfortunately, that's not including the cost of shipping. Fortunately, I have a sister that can get me free shipping from Amazon. Unfortunately, I can't think of anything else to add to this "fortunate" and "unfortunate" list. Fortunately, you don't have to have a continuous thought to really make this go on forever. Unfortunately, who really has the time to read "fortunate" and "unfortunate" events forever? Fortunately, there is probably at least one person who will read this entire thing. Unfortunately, there might only be one person who reads this whole thing. Fortunately, I'm okay with spending time being verbose in writing knowing that only one person will enjoy it--even if it is me! Unfortunately, I have to do school work and can't go on forever. Fortunately, I'm procrastinating. Unfortunately, my conscience is getting the better of me and I'm ending this. Of course, that could be fortunate for those reading this! ;-)

The Top Ten Reasons for Not Choosing a Career As A Fourth Grader

10. To an eight-year-old, politicians look and sound pretty smart. It might be just because you have no idea what they are talking about, but wait . . . that still happens to me sometimes . . .

9. Grown-ups don't give kids an accurate view of what teaching is really all about. You see it as play time . . . with the privilege of writing on the board any time you wanted.

8. Things change . . . quite a bit actually when you are referring to the education world! But as a fourth grader, the only concept you have of change is changing your underwear every day . . . and that's not such a big deal! Besides, when you had a big change in your life, someone else took care of all the details for you!

7. An 80 hour work week means nothing to you . . . you think it will be a piece of cake and you really like cake!

6. Unlike bosses, your parents taught you that no matter what your test scores are, as long as you tried your best, that was good enough.

5. No one tries to rope an eight-year-old into doing high responsibility "volunteer jobs." Doing your chores without being asked was a sufficient display of responsibility.

4. Simplicity ruled your life . . . get up, go to school, play with your friends, come home, eat dinner, go to bed . . . repeat. The concept of planning a day was pretty easy in your mind.

3. You thought your fourth grade teacher was the best, smartest, most fun teacher ever . . . but you didn't see her first 20 years of teaching.

2. You have the perception that children do what you ask them to do . . . because that's how you were. You would have never imagined that a student wouldn't do everything in their power to help the teacher or get good grades!

1. At eight years old you still think grown-ups are always right and have the answer to everything! Ah, to be young and ignorant when solutions were handed to you!

Have Your Cake . . . And Explode It, Too!

I found my newest enjoyment in life over the weekend. Cake. Yes, I've always loved eating cake, but on Saturday night, I was able to create a cake. I felt like I was on one of those Food Network Cake Challenges as I was molding and decorating this cake. Of course, I would have lost the challenge, but I had a blast (no pun intended!) decorating my nephew's birthday cake! Okay, so it wasn't nearly as cool at the monkey cupcakes I got for my birthday, but for an eight-year-old boy, he thought it was pretty great! Besides, nothing can compete with monkey cupcakes! I think my personal favorite was the lava flow, complete with candles and dinosaur casualties! Who says you can't play with your food?

Hey, Hey, We're the Monkeys . . . .

I love having something as juvenile as monkey face cupcakes for your 25th birthday. I can't take the credit for this one. My sisters made them for me, my nephews helped put eyeballs and ears on, and my family took great pleasure in putting the trick candles on them so I couldn't blow them out when the singing was over. Of course, my older brother harassed my mother about giving her asthmatic daughter trick candles! No, it did not take spit to get the candles out, although that probably would have worked! A dish of water was just as effective, and MUCH more sanitary! (Are you sure this water is sanitary?) Who knew monkey heads would taste so good!

Seven Random Things

So, once again, I have succumb to the peer pressure of two older sisters. Maybe I need to spend less time with them and more time with my sister who is content to not pester me into doing things! But, on reflecting on their most recent "request" (more like demand, I think!), I decided that it could in fact be interesting. So, here it goes. Presenting, "Seven Random Things About Esther You Aren't Sure You Ever Really Cared To Know."

1. I've spent time in a garbage can This particular event is thanks to two older brothers, whom I often think are still trying to pay their penance for this act of youthful stupidity. Imagine the following scenario: A beautiful and perfectly behaved little girl sits innocently in her home minding her own business. Suddenly, two older and much bigger brothers burst in, grab the unsuspecting youngster, and take her out with the trash. Being unfortunately small for her age, she was unable to escape the prison she was so unfairly tossed into. Okay, so maybe that isn't how it went. All I really remember is that I was too short to get out myself, it was dark, and it smelled bad.

2. I have a fear of escalators To be completely honest, I have NO idea where this fear came from . . . probably from one of my kind older siblings telling me that if I got too close to the end of the escalator where the stairs go back in, my toes would be sucked in and I'd be stuck . . . or worse, go down with the stairs. Wherever it came from, I still hesitate a little bit before stepping on the escalator and have to concentrate on getting off to ensure I don't get stuck or sucked under!

3. I used to sleep with a cleaver under my bed This might sound a little extreme and earn me the title of "Paranoid Freak." But, the obvious reasons for having a cleaver under your bed (if there are any) are not the case with me. I did it out of protection of my college roommates and even the cleaver itself. What it all comes down to is that I didn't trust leaving it in the kitchen for my roommates to cut themselves, dull the blade, or who knows what else. These are the roommates who lost my favorite pot, grew mold in one of my bowls, kept weevils in their rice supply . . . well, you get the picture! My cleaver was safer under my bed!

4. My desire for individuality drove me to conformity Being the youngest of seven kids isn't always easy. It comes in handy at times, but the constant, "Oh, you're so-and-so's sister" can get old . . . really fast. In high school, I was constantly expected to play the piano because my older sister knew how. I guess not everyone in the world has gotten the memo that piano playing isn't a genetic trait that you inherit. Any way, it was about this time I set off on a quest to find myself--to identify myself as someone other than "so-and-so's sister." (I even got called my siblings' names occasionally.) I started by shunning all the things I knew my sisters were associated with--orchestra, band, and choir. And then, I started involving myself in things I knew they had never done--joining the literary magazine staff, the yearbook staff, the newspaper staff, running for Drama Club office. Alas, I was wrong. At one point or another, I had at least one sibling participate in each of those activities. I decided to wear crazy socks to school . . . oh, wait. Rachael did that, too. Consequently, I took up playing the ukulele. Crud . . . Patti does that too! Oh well. I've finally decided that it's okay to be like my siblings. That way when they tell me I'm crazy, I can gently (or not so gently if the situation demands it!) remind them that I was only following their example!

5. I've learned that pretzels smell really, really salty when they are in your nose Have you ever noticed that when you want to get a good wiff of something, you either get closer to the item or bring the item closer to you? Well, then it would logically follow that if the aforementioned item was in your nose, you'd get an even better wiff of it, right? Maybe not, but I have to say for the record that I did not put the pretzel in my nose on my own accord. I have my sister, Rachael, to thank for that! Okay, so maybe I was flaring my nostrils at her and she asked me to stop . . . . several times. Maybe she warned me that if I did it one more time, she would shove the pretzel up my nose. Maybe I did flare my nostrils at her one more time. But, I swear I didn't deserve it! ;-)

6. I like being verbose when I write This condition really does only present itself when I'm writing. I don't become verbose when I talk. Perhaps it's my feeling that the written word lasts much longer and is more accurate than the spoken word. Or maybe it's because I love books and writing so much. Or maybe I just like the power that comes with writing something extensive and know that someone, somewhere will spend time reading it. Who knows! I do know, however, that my motto is "why say it in two, three, or even four words when you can say it in twenty, thirty, or even forty! What can I say, I'm a word geek. Isn't that a great term? "Word Geek." Yep. It's a keeper! When I was younger and came across an unknown word, I would, as any child would do, ask my mom or dad what it meant. Their response was always the same, "look it up." "How do you look up a word you don't know how to spell?" It seemed like a legitimate question. But alas, they would respond, "sound it out." Despite the turmoil and strife I went through in my youth, I now relish in the opportunity to learn a new word to add to my vocabulary. I mean, how else could I perseverate in a circuitous manner without the use of words? How can you be a true sesquipedalian without a vast vocabulary? How can you describe anything with the explicit detail English teachers all over the country insist is important in a handful of words? I don't think I can adequately express myself without the use of a few good words . . . or in my case, a lot of good words!

7. I once asked a guy on a date after I met him in an elevator If that fact isn't random enough, this particular guy plays the ukulele. How many people do you know that met someone in an elevator that plays the ukulele? And, for your information, Patti, his name happened to start with a "J"! I never rode the elevator in college if I could help it. A few flights of stairs are good for the heart. (Maybe not my lungs, but the heart, nonetheless.) But on this particular occasion, I was hauling a lot of stuff . . . more than was typical for me in college. So, I got on the elevator. We chatted (the typical, rote, casual questions, "what's your name?" and "What's your major"), and the next day, I asked him on a date. I can guarantee that won't ever happen again! I still prefer the stairs!

Well, there you go. Once again I've proven that in my desire to show I'm an individual, I conformed to the path my sisters started. At least I did it in my typical verbose manner!

I'm the Shopping Queen of the World!!

I hate to say it, but it's true, so I will. I rock. I know some of you may disagree, but it is nonetheless a fact that I'm the Shopping Queen of the World. Upon reflection, I realize I may have to share this title with another some day down the road, but for today, it's all about me! I recently acquired all the necessary folders for my classroom MONKEY manuals for a mere $0.01 each. Yes, you read that correctly. One penny for each folder. With 90 folders, I spent less than a dollar outfitting my students with the coolest planner/organizer/parent and teacher communication system/reading record ever created! Please hold the applause . . . okay, fine. Bring it on! Not only did I acquire those for a penny, I also found three-ring binders (the bendy kind) on sale 3 for $0.99. For those who are mathematically challenged, that is exactly $0.33 each. When these are regularly $1.95 each, I feel as though my aforementioned title is a very worthy description of my feats!

On another topic, here's a tip for all those who have answered the noble call to teach little darlings . . . or anyone for that matter. If you have a class that has lasted all day long, don't give out the last assignment for the day with the following disclaimer: "When you have finished that, you can go home!" Work will be rushed, quality will be down the drain, and there is a possibility of a stampede--all for the sake of leaving a long class a mere two or three minutes early!

Monkey See, Monkey Do

It's official. I've been talked into it. My two older and very persistent sisters kept pestering me that I should have a blog. And they say that I'm the pest! Well, I sure hope they are happy now!

OFFICIAL DISCLAIMER, it might be days . . . or weeks . . . or even MONTHS before this blog is updated! The author and creator of this blog does not take any responsibility for the lack of additions to this blog and all readers of this blog are hereby warned that is is merely a work in progress.