9 days

NINE days and counting for Steve's surgery!  He and I have both said many times that the next nine days can't go by fast enough.  He is BEYOND ready to get this over with.  And I'm BEYOND ready to have my husband back. My happy, content, relatively pain free, husband that is.  The last few days have been rough and I just hate seeing my big strong husband be reduced to tears-it just tears me up inside to not be able to fix it.  So my prayer for the next nine days is just to "get us by, Lord."  I'm thankful He hears our prayers and that He is our strength.

My Tanner girl was back to her normal self today.  It was the first day in over a week that she's been my happy, laughing, fun loving teenager.  I'm so thankful to "have her back!"  She went to Volleyball this afternoon and then went to the band room and got to see some of her "Bandies."  She seems happy and eager for school to start and I'm thankful for that. 

Ahhhh.....speaking of school.....school starts Friday the 16th...but the school year madness started tonight....with things going on every night this week.  In some ways, I'm excited for this time of year and yet other times, I miss the lazy days of summer where you don't have to rush to something constantly. 

Mom and Dad came down this weekend.  I cried and cried off and on all day yesterday.  I couldn't barely let go of Mom when she hugged me goodbye.  I miss my parents so much.  And I'm so thankful for their love and support.  My Daddy said "Usually I tell Steve to take care of my girls but this time I'm going to tell my girls to take care of my son."  I started crying and he continued and said "It's ok-your doing well.  I know it's not easy but your doing a great job of taking care of both of them.  I'm proud of you."  Yep, the floodgates really opened then!  I miss my parents more than I ever thought I would. 

Tanner and I made homemade ice cream last night and I'm pretty sure I hear some calling my name!  Happy Monday!

Blog post

The following is a post that Tanner wrote on her blog today.  Melted my heart and made me cry.  I sure do love that girl of mine.

"This episode

This episode of CVS has been very tough for me. I say that because all that I want to do is cry. I feel that way because I am so tired of this happening. With that I keep telling myself that God will help me get through all this. Lucky for me my mom has been here by my side for all of it. I don't know what I would do without her there during this episode because of how tough it has been for me. She will lay with me and will pray with me to try to make it better for me. Nobody is as special to me as my mom is during these times when I get sick."

Helpless

I'm feeling rather helpless and gloomy right now.  Tanner started a migraine with vomiting on Thursday but was able to catch it quick enough that the vomiting only lasted that day.  We thought we had done a really good job at stopping a cycle and were so excited!  I took her school supply/clothes shopping yesterday and we had such a good time.  I dropped her off at her Grandma's afterwards and she spent the night with her, learning how to sew. 

For some reason this morning, I was wide awake around 5:30 or so.  I was irritated because I was awake, but decided to make the best of it and get a few things done, along with just enjoying the silence.  I had just decided to turn the light back off around 7:30 and go back to sleep when I heard my cell phone vibrating.  Isn't it funny how God works?  Had I been asleep, I'd have never heard the phone, which would have been bad. 

Tanner was on the other end of the line, crying, that her head hurt and that she had thrown up twice.  I threw on some clothes and rushed to get her.  Once I got her home, we dosed all of her medicine, she took a quick bath (which relaxes her) and then she climbed into bed.  She's been there all afternoon in between a couple of vomiting episodes. 

It breaks my heart.  I wish so bad that it was me and not her.  I hate to watch her suffer physically, but even worse is watching her suffer mentally.  She came in at one point crying and said "It's just not fair.  I was having so much fun!"  What do you say to that?  How do you answer?  I couldn't.  I simply hugged her and prayed over her. 

I feel helpless.  She wants so bad to fit in.  She wants so bad to be apart of something.  This coming week is Band Camp.  She'd get to see her "Bandies" as she calls them.  It is also another week of Volleyball practice where she's getting to know some of the Volleyball girls.  It seems like she gets excited about something and then a cycle hits.  No one understands.  Adults have a hard enough time wrapping their minds around the fact that someone vomits and suffers from severe nausea all the time.  Add teenagers to that mix and they could care less.  So she has very little support from kids/people her own age and yet that's what she needs the most.  I can comfort her.  I can cry with her.  I can lay with her.  Hold her hair back.  Rub her back.  Encourage her to drink fluids so we don't have to go to the hospital.  I can do all that....but sometimes that's not enough.  And that makes me feel helpless.

I hate feeling helpless.  I hate seeing my girl sick even more.

Highs and Lows

Our week in review, using the "High/Low" system:

HIGHS:

• Met with Dr. Knox again on Monday.  He went over all of his reservations and such in regards to Steve's surgery.  He explained in detail what he'd like to do and was honest in saying "I'm not 100% sure I can though."  I appreciate honesty.
• We got a surgery date!!!  August 22nd at 7:00!  Praise God!
• Steve and I celebrated eight years of marriage on Tuesday, July 23.
• Steve had a bouquet of flowers sent to me at work-he rarely does that, so it was a wonderful and beautiful surprise! (And get this-the bouquet weighs 16 pounds!)
• Tanner has done great on her "modified Atkins" diet that she's started on.  It's not always been easy, but she does it without a lot of complaining and is learning about healthy  food choices.
• The Junior Auxiliary garage sale is over and done with.
• The weekend is here. 
• Steve and I's jobs have been very understanding when it comes to all of our absences because of his (or Tanner's) Dr's appointments.  In fact I was told this week that I can make up my time I miss and can even accrue some comp time for when I'm off with Steve after his surgery.  This is a big deal and I appreciate the fact that the PD is willing to work with us.

LOWS:

• Tanner had a couple of bouts of vomiting this week. 
• Tanner also had two migraines this week that she had to take the Imitrex nose spray for.  Thankfully the meds worked.

Overall, it's been a great week.  More highs than lows ALWAYS makes the week a winner in my book!!!

Hoping next week is the same way!

Steve had a CT of his spine done on Wednesday. 
I picked up the report and disc on Friday.
We go see the Surgeon on Monday at 9:00.
Can't wait.