Journaling

I've decided to start keeping up on my blog again to maybe help me deal with life and my thoughts and feelings. Also to give mike a break! Lol that's why he's so good at archery its his stress relief! This year has been so hard on both of us. Last week was really hard I had a lot of  pain again and so much fatigue I couldn't t do anything again. This week is better, I'm sleeping better and waking up feeling happier. Yesterday I went to the gym and lifted some legs and did abs, I was only there about 15 min or so but it felt good. Today I felt like I worked out but it wasn't bad. I've just been really down today, I get frustrated when little things take me forever like cleaning the stuff off the stove top. I didn't do it yesterday so it was bad today and it took me 20mins and my hands cramped up and my shoulders and arms where killing me and I had to stop and rest! It's those little things that frustrate me! But I need to remember where I've been and where I am now! Sunday I had a break down after watching and following the marathons over the week I felt so sad and frustrated that maybe I will never run a race again! I was really having a bad pity party Sunday morning and crying and upset I didn't want to go to church but I was already dressed and told myself I could leave any time I needed to. The opening song was be tho humble, I couldn't even sing I just cried!

	Be Thou Humble 1. Be thou humble in thy weakness, and the Lord thy God shall lead thee, Shall lead thee by the hand and give thee answer to thy prayers. Be thou humble in thy pleading, and the Lord thy God shall bless thee, Shall bless thee with a sweet and calm assurance that he cares. 2. Be thou humble in thy calling, and the Lord thy God shall teach thee To serve his children gladly with a pure and gentle love. Be thou humble in thy longing, and the Lord thy God shall take thee, Shall take thee home at last to ever dwell with him above.
	It really softened my heart, and knew The Lord knew me and what I was going through! The first talk was on gratitude, I really needed to hear it. I get so frustrated and lately have  been focusing on what I can't do instead of focusing on what I can do and where I Was a few months ago! Today I went for a little walk for about 20 minutes it was nice to get out and go where my legs could take me. So I'm going to write everyday the things I can do and try to eliminate negative thoughts. Have grateful thoughts. Have Positive action instead of passive complaining! Things I can do! 1. I can take care of my home slowly but I can do it. 2. Do my calling In YW even if some wed nights I'm to tired to make it. 3. I can work at the salon. My stomach has been doing a lot better. Monday I go to the doc to go over my latest Blood work. I need to talk to him about my energy level, and see if my thyroid and Hormones are on the low side. I'm trying to take it easy this week because I work And then go to Utah Saturday to motocross races. Going out of town is stressful Because of trying to find things to eat, packing food, sleep ect...I look forward to Hanging with the kids and seeing the Grandbaby!

A New way of Thinking!

Wow its been a long time! The past few months have been challenging to say the least! Ive been really struggling with keeping my moods level and having head aches almost everyday!  I've been having allot of stomach problems also. 2 weeks ago I upped my meds after a really bad couple of days and felt a little better, but still had this headache about an hour after waking up. Then last week I got a post on my facebook from one of the bipolar sites I follow saying that alot of bipolar people have  gluten problems that really mess with their moods. So I looked up gluten allergy's and holy cow i had almost all of the symptoms! So I went gluten free on Thursday and no headache! So Friday I ate my whole grain cereal and with in 30 min I had the headache and my stomach was a mess again! (I wont go into all my bowel trouble but lets just say it's been scary! I went Friday and got tested and it was negative, which half of people with a gluten problem are neg. So for the past week I've been eating GF and it's helped 100%. I still would have some trouble at night, then Saturday and Sunday I realized that one of my kidney meds has gluten in it and Saturday and Sunday after having sushi with gluten and taking that med I got so sick my stomach looked like I was 5 months prego! and the pain is so bad! So on Friday I go see my doctor  to get checked out ans schedule a colon ostopy to see whats going on and he should be able to tell about the gluten and to rule out more polyps. Wish me luck I just want to feel better!

Excited!!!!!

Today I started packing to go to Iowa white tail deer hunting. We are so excited to go we leave friday or saturday morning! When we are done hunting we are going to go to Nauvoo and Carthage and the other church sites around there. We are going to go to the Nauvoo temple and the Winter Quaters temple.  We haven't done a long road trip like this before so it should be interesting and fun to see a new part of the country. I went to Nauvoo 30 years ago so I'm sure it has changed allot!  Running is going good and I'm really enjoying the cooler  weather running. Later! :)

Winter?

Well yesterday I had my first snowing day run, 30s not so bad to run in. It was really pretty, but today is in the single digits so I'm doing the treadmill. I'm getting really excited to go to Iowa in a couple weeks. We are going to be white tail deer hunting, and when we are done we are going to go to Nauvoo and Carthage. We are going to the Nauvoo temple and the Winter Quarters temple! Mike recently got the iphone4s, it's been really fun to facetime with the kids! It's so great to be able to see Justin while we talk makes me so happy!  Now I just have to be patient until may when I have my upgrade so I can get one!  I'm feeling a little better still sluggish at times but the depression is better. I'm hoping to keep running and trying to stay positive!  :)

Welcome to Fall

I'm enjoying this beautiful fall weather! although I've been struggling with my fall bi- polar stuff. Last night was the first night I've slept a few hours in a row for weeks. I finally called my doctor when every med adjustment I've made didn't work, Why I didn't call sooner is beyond me!  I guess that goes with not being able to complete a thought! LOL! Anyway so hopefully I'm going to be out of this brain fog I've been in for weeks! I've been running a little mostly walking because I've been so exhausted.  I look forward to having more energy to start some good workouts. Life is good I'm so blessed to have such a wonderful husband who loves me and helps pick up the pieces when needed.

Run!

I went for a walk today and decided to try running a little, so I walked  half way and ran/ walked the rest of the way back. So I'll see how I feel later, I thought I would just do that and build up. I'm trying to think positive and tell my body it can do it!  Fingers crossed!

Not so much! :(

Well lets just say I'm not ready to run yet and I wont be going hunting ether. I've been exhausted since Monday and I was sore. So I guess running will have to wait. I'll try again in a couple of weeks but do a little at a time. I trying not to be to bummed out, but it's hard sending my husband hunting alone! :(

Happy thoughts, Happy thoughts