The Cheney Family

Wow! It has been quite a year and I am going to try to update our family blog here, beginning with spring. Bear with me, it might take a while to get it all done. I will post as many pictures as I can though so it should be fun. Enjoy!

Since it has been so long since my last post, I am planning -in the next month or so- to update the blog with all the family happenings this last 6 months. But then, I have said things like that before with an undesired outcome, so no promises. haha

I suppose I could find relief from the knowledge that most likely any readers that happened to still be following my blog, have given up and abandoned me, so my posts may only benefit me at this point! (and my kids when I print out the blog to make it into a book)

If you read my last (extremely long) post, you will understand that last semester we attempted a new school program with all the kids. Now I will tell you, one of the biggest reasons for my lack of new posts is because of the craziness of the last six months. I think the Lord is trying to teach me a thing or two about pride and the danger of it, because He is giving me ample opportunities to swallow it, maybe with the hopes that I will let go of more and more of it each time. 🙂 So now after 6 months of stress, tears, lots of prayers, and some fighting, I can now say…. I have NO idea why we felt like we were supposed to do that. The only thing I know is, we prayed individually and as a family and weighed all the pros and cons and we all felt it was the right path for our family to take at the time and we have reconciled ourselves to the fact that we may NEVER understand why!

I have to say, I do think the K-12 program is a fabulous program for those that need it. Our experience though is that the program does NOT lend itself well to families with multiple children.  I have successfully home-schooled 3 of my kids before and so I feel that I am at least a little bit qualified to say this. This last semester though was stressful and I felt like every day a weight was added upon my shoulders, I was so stressed out about school all the time. Because of our previous experience, I know this was not just the result of having the kids home with me all day/everyday, (though that can always be a little more challenging) but more with the program itself. I will not go into the gory details unless there is someone who is contemplating the K-12 program and would like to hear more about our experience. But I will say this, I think that for 1 child (and maybe even 2) it could be fantastic, but I obviously do not have the temperament to do 4. Another redeeming factor and sanity saver for our family; the teachers we were able to work with were awesome. They were what kept us going even the short time we endured. They tried to give us tips and they were always quick to answer questions we had. The kids knew they could send a k-mail (email) to their teacher anytime with whatever questions, and their teacher would respond quickly and patiently.

So after surviving a less than ideal half year (to understate things) we are now back where we began; we are unsure of our next step. So once again we are praying, and weighing all options, trying to make an educated, yet inspired decision.

Ahhh, sometimes I wish that life were as easy as they make it look on TV. But then, I guess it would be over in less than an hour! haha. I do however wish  that all my imperfections were not so blatantly obvious for everyone to see.

My current question (along with, what are we supposed to do to help our children get the best possible education for them) what am I supposed to learn from all this? 🙂

My favorite part about the zoo, pretty much any zoo, is the monkey house. I could sit and watch those crazy monkeys all day. When I was young, even though my mom told me that it probably wouldn’t be possible, I insisted that I was going to have a pet monkey. Now, as my husband would say, I have 5!

In one particular monkey house, in the little zoo in good ol’ Clovis New Mexico, I remember sitting and watching the antics of those cute little guys (and girls) and seeing 3 different types of monkeys.

The first ones… there were the most obvious ones, the ones that were noticed first because they were the ones that demanded your attention. They were the loudest  and the usually the ones that were most likely to be hanging on the cage right in front of you. Because of their activities they were often the most fun to watch.

The second type were quieter and hung back. They seemed to be content to just sit and watch everything that was going on around them.

The third type is kind of a mixture of the first two. They acted as though they wanted  little attention so they would swing around a little, hop onto the fence in front of us , then quickly swing, or run back to a spot near the back. Then they would do it again.

I loved watching the interactions between all these different types of monkeys and realized how similar to this, families can be. We have somewhat the same thing going on: the attention seekers, the quiet ones and the ones that want a little of both. I also realize how important this variety is, and how we need each one to keep the spice in our life.

I love my monkey house, and I love each of the crazy monkeys in it!

First monkey… the one who started it all… Seth is a thinker. He likes to problem solve and is very good at it. His teacher gave us the best… compliment -for lack of better word- when he told us that Seth, at first appearances, may not have seemed like the top most genius of the class, he was better in a way…  When he didn’t understand something he would be honest about it, ask questions and work on it until he had mastered it. Which was why he got strait A’s all year long. The other thing that his teacher told us (not that we didn’t already know this, but it was nice to hear it from another adult) that one of the great things about Seth was that he remained true to himself. There were some downright mean kids in his class, who were not just mean to Seth but to other kids and many adults as well. In the beginning of the school year there were a few kids who were a little more unsure of themselves and though they started the year wanting to  be and do good, after a time of being taunted  and  tempted, joined with the mean kids and let grades, manners, and compassion slip away. Seth though did not.

Some days, he would come home so frustrated and down. Luckily he did have quite a few who were his friends and respected him and wanted to be around him but sometimes the meanness of a few was louder than the kindness of others. But through it all Seth remained true to him self. He knew what his standards and his goals were, and was not swayed from them. He didn’t let the bullies win, he didn’t let them change him… except maybe help him be stronger. I as his mom couldn’t ask for a better attribute in a son.

Seth can be very distracted/forgetful at times, but he is also a great help to me and Shawn, and his younger siblings. His sisters know that they can count on him when they need to. He is an avid reader, which as I have said before… I love! Our family is currently reading Alma in the Book of Mormon and Seth issued me the challenge of seeing which of us could get through Alma first. It has been fun.  Seth’s newest hobby is writing comics. He has developed a comic called W.C.S.C. -Worst Case Scenario Comics. he needs a little work on the drawings but they have been really funny and creative. Too bad Comics are not as popular as they were when I was younger! He learned how to play the violin a few weeks ago and bit great.

Pretty Girl Monkey… Tori of course spent her first few years being Seth’s sidekick in mucho mess-making! She is unfortunately a lot like me in the fact that she is very self-motivated. This can be good and bad. Good because when she is motivated, she can GET THINGS DONE! But if she is not in that frame of mind, getting her to do things can be absolutely frustrating. she is a little smarty pants and has a natural ability to learn things fast. (when she wants to 🙂 ) She often would see a word once and know how to spell it, though she has only had a year of violin and should technically be intermediate, she is playing songs that her teacher says are usually reserved for more advanced students. She continues to teach herself piano even though we are taking the summer off from lessons. In school, she remained on the honor roll but 2 of the quarters it was silver honor roll. She go a couple of B’s due to lack of turning in homework. (though she aced the tests) Getting her to do her homework some days were a nightmare. Again… self-motivation can be good and bad!

Tori is also a very nurturing girl. She is very good with Xander and has started to baby-sit for short intervals, usually when Xander is sleeping, but occasionally for little spurts of time, when I am nearby. She will be a great babysitter in not too long.

In Tori, I have found one of the best shopping partners, not that I go shopping much, but recently I was looking for a new pair of short and a couple of summer tops and it was so awesome taking Tori with me. She picked out both shirts that I ended up buying! She also loves to play with my hair and is becoming quite proficient at doing some pretty cool hairdo’s. She just needs Aunt Megan to teach her a few new tricks! Tori has very little fear of being in front of people; singing, talking, playing violin/piano, etc. I have loved seeing her grow from little girl to young lady.

Little-Bitty Monkey Girl… Emma had a great first year in public school. She made so many friends and it was fun to see her come out of her shell as the year progressed. (she pretends to be shy sometimes) Emma went to strings camp a couple of weeks ago and learned how to play the violin. She has a pretty little purple violin and is doing pretty good for having just started. She is still a daddy’s girl and is still very fire and ice.  But she really is such a compassionate little monkey and very emotional… for good and bad! She is still pretty small for her age, but in height at least she is catching up to  her peers a little. She still has her curly white hair, but already asks me to straiten it  some days.  Emma finally got up the courage to ride her 2-wheeler bike and is now flyin on it! She is still quite the little gymnast, and would love to back in gymnastics again. Until then, she jumps, bounces, flips over and hangs on whatever she can find.   

Goofy Little-Girl Monkey… Gracie is itchin to go… for everything! She is pretty spunky and very social, to the point of telling everyone everything! If I don’t stop her in time, she will tell anyone we meet her name, age, her siblings ages, mommy’s name (and sometimes age) that she is going to kindergarten this year and that she is stronger than  her sister, who is 7, but “I am only 5.”  She is Crazy Gracie, sometimes Grumpy Gracie and Gracie loo!  She is very tall for her age  and is of course the same height as Emma. She is also pretty athletic and I will often find her playing with the boys. She recently learned to ride a 2-wheel bike and though still slightly wobbly, has done as well with it as she does with so many new things she learns. She went with her older brother and sisters to strings camp and learned to play a bit on the violin. She was so excited to go and sadly for me, thinks she is much older than she really is. I am going to miss her when she starts kindergarten in August but I plan to spend lots of time helping out at school.

Baby Monkey Boy... Xander is… a handful. He started sleeping through the night so early because the Lord knew we would need to rest of for the active boy he is now! Well and I guess he has always been active. Even in the womb the doctor commented on the active little baby inside. Then as a new baby he was always moving around, which is probably the more fitting reason for why he slept so well, so young! 🙂 He is such an amazingly observant baby still. It is hard to hide things from him, he is always watching and taking everything in. If he watches closely to how I do something (turn something on/off, open something, etc) he will usually also do it, which puts me on guard. He doesn’t talk much yet, but I really do think that it has a lot to do with how busy he is absorbing everything right now, then he will surprise us with how much he has to say when he starts. He loves truck, cars, and pretty much anything with wheels.  And of course he has been giving them all a motor for a while now! He also loves being outside, so we play out back a lot and go for walks sometimes several times a day! he is quite a little monkey and though extremely exasperating at times (many times) also makes us laugh everyday. And he LOVES his family and shows it everyday! 

I keep journals for each of my children but I realized that I really should write about them more here on the blog so everyone else can hear more about the daily antics of my little monkeys (and big monkeys!)

I don’t have a very good memory so writing it down is a must for me so I can remember the precious everyday moments that are too quickly forgotten. So I really am going to try harder to post more even if they are  just quick little posts about funny, quirky, happy, and special  moments that happen all the time.

I have added a new page just for fun… a 100-day challenge!!! I am SURE that I am not going to do it everyday, so I will most likely get on and do a whole bunch a “days” at a time so check back often to see new “days” posted.

To find it, look to the right of my blog under “pages” and it is #6- 100-day challenge!

I have discovered a new show (new to me anyway) that I g0t off Netflix, that I have really enjoyed watching! Drop Dead Diva. About a woman who is a gorgeous model, sweet but shallow, and she dies. She gets to “heaven” and wants to go back, so she pushes the “return key” and gets herself sent back but into a different body; the body of an extremely intelligent but not-as beautiful, overweight lawyer woman. It is a fun show and it makes me cringe to have to admit that I can relate to this character. Of course I was never a gorgeous, size 2 -model, but I  did wear a size 6 wedding dress once upon a time!

One of the things that does bother me about this show though is the diet that they portray this woman having. (Warning the rest may sound like whining !!!) They make it look like to be over-weight you have to have consumed mass amounts of donuts during the day and live for food all the time. Now granted as the show progresses, the spotlight on food dims a bit, but it still bugs me.

Not all of us who struggle with weight issues eat garbage.  I may look like her, but I eat better than a lot of people I see out there that have never really had to worry about their weight. (they think they do, they pretend to make their 5-10 pounds an issue, but really… they have NO idea.)

I try to maintain a healthy diet… of course I DID have a couple sips of Shawn’s rootbeer last week, well and half of a medium-sized soda on Saturday… so I guess that explains my extra weight. Oh, and I did have homemade french fries (yes… fried in our fryer) last week, between the meals of homemade chicken noddle soup- packed with veggies-, homemade chili -which was not only lowfat but very healthy as well, and other homemade meals.

My point is… yes I do have sweets sometimes and I did eat at McDonalds… a week and a half ago.  But for the most part I do pretty well. I eat veggies a LOT! I have said before that if I didn’t like meat so much, I could be a vegetarian. Tomatoes, onions, beans, zucchini, asparagus, carrot, celery, artichokes, leeks, potatoes, broccoli, squash, even okra sometimes… I just love veggies. And NOT just fried… I rarely eat them fried. I steam them, add them to my meals and bake them, BBQ them on the grill and of course eat some raw.

I cook fresh and homemade when ever I can. I never buy spaghetti/pizza sauce I always make my own homemade sauce with fresh garlic , onions and tomatoes when tomatoes are on sale. When their not, I use cans of unsalted diced tomatoes/tomato sauce. And yes we do occasionally make cream sauces but a few times a month maybe and again, homemade.

I try to use whole grains where ever I can; bread, pasta, rice, crackers, etc.

I am not addicted to chocolate. Sometimes (during certain times of the month) I will crave a little chocolate, but I can’t each much before I am done.

I don’t drink soda much. Again, sometimes I will crave it, but I know that usually when I do, I need to drink more water. (besides, when I do drink soda I often get a bladder infection, so that’s a good incentive.)

Anyway my point is, just because a person does not wear a size 4 or even a size 8, does not mean that we eat burgers and fries and donuts everyday. It also does not always mean that this person is even addicted to food. It could mean that this person had 5 kids in 10 years, or that this person got stuck with some stupid genetics, an inheritance of a perpetually “pregnant” belly. (we all have our different trials and don’t even try to say that you would rather have weight problems over any other, not till you have actually gone through it.)

This show, Drop dead Diva, has just brought out some pent up feelings inside, but then again, it has also been entertaining and a good reminder that I am not the only one who has this struggle. I know that it is just a tv show and not real but it is still interesting to me to see what kinds of thoughts can be provoked by these unreal, made-up, lives. But in real life the cause of things are not always simple and blanketed. In real life we are individuals who all have very different struggles and you can’t judge a person’s struggles by what you see on the outside. You really have no idea what theyhave gone through in life to make them the way they are.

side note: it really is a fun show so I hope that this long, kinda whiny blog does not stop you from seeing it if you get a chance. 🙂

I am so flawed it makes my mind hurt to think about all the things I should be doing better. I am not going to name all the things I need to work on, (I still want to save a little dignity!)  but I am constantly frustrated with myself when I think about all the things that I would like to be doing better, or even doing AT ALL. My Heavenly Father is very patient with me! 🙂

But Wednesday was one of those days that made me realize I must be doing SOMETHING right. It was a day in which I got to talk to my kids’ teachers. I was able to see the progress they have  made and hear about the good examples they are in their classrooms. Don’t get me wrong, I am not taking all the credit for my kids’ awesome grades or good choices. Shawn of course is an awesome dad and plays such a huge role in every aspect of raising our kids (except maybe buying them clothes, I don’t think that he would even think about buying  clothes ahead of time so that we can get clearance prices and be ready for each new season:) ) so he of course is a big reason why my kids are so great! (I am not too biased am I?!?!) 🙂

But when it comes to me personally, as a mother, I think that most likely the thing I am doing right is that I am trying to listen to my Heavenly Father when it comes to my kids. They are His after all and He knows and loves them better than I. I am not the most brilliant person so I KNOW that the thoughts that I have- the ones that tell me what to say/do in the moment of a  teachable situation- are not my own. Often the words that I say are not ones that I would have thought to say on my own. (I am not quick on my feet when it comes to face to face conversation. I usually have to think about what I am going to say ahead of time.) I have struggles that have made it so my mothering skills were not what they should be. I was 20 when Tori was born; 2 kids @20 years old… I am the first to say that I don’t think I was a very good mom to Seth and Tori when they were little. I have learned a lot since then and would like to hope that I have improved quite a bit!  Anyway… my point comes down to 2 things: 1, I know the Lord has made up for my lack of parenting skills and He is watching out and taking care of my kids. 2, I AM doing something right when it comes to my kids, I am occasionally (more and more, but still not often enough) letting Him guide my words and actions as I teach and help my kids. I have to give credit where credit is due… 🙂

…so that Xander has something to play with!!!!!

That really is all they are good for right now. He opens it… the closes it… then repeats! He is such a stinker, if only he weren’t so cute too! 🙂

I get it now!

When I had three little kids under 5 at home, and my husband was traveling a lot, most days, I LIVED for bedtime when all the kids were asleep and I didn’t have to cater to their every need for a few minute. I didn’t REALLY believe it when people would tell me to “enjoy them while it lasts, cause they will grow up faster than you know.” I heard them, but I didn’t really take the words to heart. Sometimes I would even think to myself, “Yeah, you come over to my house and take care of them for a few hours, and clean up mess after mess while they move on to the next, THEN try saying that to me again! You have no idea what I deal with” Yeah I know harsh (and most of them probably knew VERY well what I was going through), but sleep deprivation can put nasty thoughts into our minds!

But now, 6/7 years, 2 more children, a couple of moves, building a house, and going through a few more “life experiences,” I can honestly say, I Get It!

I am not sure why, but over the last couple of months I have had an increased awareness of how fleeting my time with my children, as kids, really is.  Seth will be 12 this year and I know I have only been a mom for 12 years and to some that is nothing, but to me… it is unbelievable, frightening and exciting all at the same time.

In 6-7 years I will be helping him through applying to college and all the other things that he will be doing his senior year of high school. He will be receiving the priesthood this year and though I do NOT question his maturity and ability to carry this responsibility, I question my years of teaching him and wondering and praying to know what else I need to teach him so he can have the tools he needs to carry himself through his teen years.

Tori will be 11 this year and recently got her hair cut. I got all teary-eyed, when I saw her. She just looked older and I had this momentary flash that my little girl was gone, along with her beautiful long hair. With her it is the same as Seth; I don’t have that much time left with her before things start to take her out of my house more and more.

I think this is just another tender mercy of the Lord, this increased awareness, because though I am still a far cry from the perfect mom, I have been doing a much better job of just enjoying the time I spend with the kids. I have been doing better and looking at some seemingly hard, exhausting situations, as more opportunities to have some time with my kids and thankfully for me, even Seth has not gotten too old to enjoy spending time with me.

I am not saying that everyday is perfect because it is not, I am not. I have a lot of days that I can’t wait for nap time when my little “Xandernado” will not be making messes faster than I can clean them.

But I am very thankful that this awareness has come now, before it’s too late.