Lordy lordy, look who's 40!

Well not me, if that's what you were thinking.  I'm sticking to 37 for at least another 5 years. Even so, I have to admit that my life changed on May 2, 1974, 40 years ago. On Facebook, I posted that Sara died that day, giving birth to someone else...

So most people remember 1974 as the year of the Watergate scandal. Ted Bundy was still on the loose making headlines, Patty Hearst was kidnapped, and Hank Aaron broke Babe Ruth's record. All I really remember about the year, and according to my diary, May 2, 1974 is the day I found out I had diabetes. I asked my mother about her memories of that time and she told me that I'd had dark circles under my eyes for a while, and had noticeably lost weight, but when she found out I had wet the bed (and washed the sheets myself), and then wet it again, she said she knew something was wrong and called my doctor. They couldn't get me in for a few weeks, but apparently Erin had a camp physical appointment the next week, so I got late appointment.

This was me and my family
 the summer before I was
dxed T1D. Fit & fine here

I HAD lost about 14 or 15 pounds since my last visit, and you can see by the photo that I was NOT a chunky kid (I am the adorable one with ponytails and awesome legs!).  So they ran the tests. I distinctly remember the syrupy icky Glucose Tolerance Test and the interminable sitting around waiting for the next poke - boy if I knew then it was only the first of hundreds of similar wastes of time, I would have run in the street til someone hit me!. Mom said we were in Dr. Schift's office (I was a foul mouthed little sailor even at 10, and called him Dr. Shit) when he gave us the verdict, but I just don't remember that - maybe I blocked it out. (I DO remember arguing with Dr. Shit a year later when he told me I wasn't following my exchange diet properly. I argued, that if 1 sice of bread = 1 bread exchange  and if 6 vanilla wafers also = 1 bread exchange, why the hell was it not ok to eat vanilla wafers for breakfast instead of toast)

The next day, my diary notes that I "crid loads." My sugar must have been  high - that explains the interesting spelling. Mom says she was pretty distraught but she doesn't remember me having much of a reaction at first. Maybe some tears welled up in my eyes and she says she thinks I asked if I would still be able to go to Girl Scout camp that summer. Mom says she was feeling pretty overwhelmed, what with Erin being terribly accident prone, and and Brock had really bad asthma (we hadn't learned he was also allergic to peanuts yet). So she called her grandmother for some advice.  Mom wanted to know why this was happening to her...well, her children. Apparently my great grandmother told her that "God only gives you what you can handle." I am not sure what the lesson was for me, but for my mom, I guess it meant she would be able to handle it and she needed to make sure I could too.

And on the 3rd day, I guess I decided to handle it, as apparently was out of tears for the time being. Not sure if I already realized that crying was just  pointless, or if I just didn't know enough about what it all meant. I know a year later, when they hospitalized me to get "regulated" I walked out of the film strip session on complications and refused to go back in. Even then, I had decided I wasn't going to be motivated by fear. Even now, threats don't work with me, for anything really, and I wish they did. I wish knowing I could lose my vision or a kidney or a leg, EVEN IF I DO EVERYTHING RIGHT, made me behave differently, But it doesn't.. I don't "excel" at anything, but I sure have never allowed diabetes be the reason I don't make the best effort I can at what ever I do. As I have grown up, I have heard people like me say they "can't" do something or why they didn't go farther, BECAUSE of diabetes...and that is a shame. I have never thought of T1D as a speed limit sign. it is a pot hole, wrapped in a speed bump, coated with barbed wire, dipped in Carbolic acid...but I really haven't let it stop me...though it sure tries.

So on the 4th day, incomprehension and fear gave way to my default mood, (at least according to my dad), anger. Mom says she remembers me getting mad about it. And yeah, I guess I am STILL a little pissed off about the whole thing. I had become my mother's private dartboard, I was doing chemical tests with my own pee and a test tube, sneaking candy bars every chance i could. Peeing my pants on the ski bus, because frankly, they told me I had to pee alot cuz I had diabetes. They didn't tell me if was because I was sneaking candy bars! I didn't make the  connection (until I was 19). I don't remember my father involved at all other than to yell at me when I ate a couple of Ice Cream Bars.  We got some meal planning information, and mom set about teaching all of my friends about diabetes - what I could and couldn't eat at birthday parties, and she even taught my babysitter how to give a shot. At camp that summer,  I had a special stash in the storage shed with my private allotment of graham crackers, peanut butter and raisins...of course that meant I would sneak in there and eat cookies and steal Gumperts, the jello like koolaid substitute they gave us to drink.....ain't nothing like walking to the stinnky latrine 3 times in the dark, in the mountains, with bears and wolves and god knows what all to make you wish you didn't have diabetes!

So, there I am, Day 5. I am OVER it, back to life, back in the saddle as it were, getting on with it, as I am wont to do.  Ya know, I was always one of those bright-eyed, eager, positive-energized little diabetics....Even as a kid when we didn't have glucose meters, and i ate as I pleased, I'd go door to door collecting donations for the walkathons, telling people how they were FIGHTING for a cure. I drew a poster about diabetes for the Barbara Davis Center in Denver when they first opened and WON a bike (and me without an artistic bone in my body), I wantonly threw myself through college with all the food and alcohol, SURE that there was gonna be a cure "someday" - they had PROMISED one...it seemed like such a simple idea.....someday was just around the corner. one day i would wake up and there would be a story in the paper about the first cured diabetic and then in a few years, i would be able to sign up for whatever it was that cured it...

Over the next decades, however, i became more and more disillusioned about my Cure....they kept making improvements in the pumps and I thought...ok, this is fine...at least this one is black....or this one has a light....or this one has a CGM....THIS one will hold me til the cure comes....which by now, I know is NOT just around the corner (I no longer believe in Santa Claus either).....but here I am, on my 40th anniversary,thanks to JDRF, and what I have learned over the least few years by being on the JDRF Voices Council, and being involved with my local Board of Directors, and more importantly, WRITING about my experiences, I am actually HOPEFUL again. That tiny nugget of shining HOPE that they will figure this one out. That I will be around to celebrate 50, 60, 70, maybe even 80 years of this ass disease (though the way my back has been feeling lately, I doubt it)

I wish I had something pithy or brilliant or enlightening to say...but I think just BEING here, saying ANYTHING, after 40 years, says it all.  Thanks for reading......I couldn't do it without the love and support of my friends and family....

And, HEY, I will be doing the RIDE TO CURE DIABETES this fall.  I will be hitting  you up then to make a small contribution :-). If cynical, jaded, pessimistic ME can have hope,  you should too! And remember, 40 IS the new 30 anyway.....and I always was a fan of F-words! And one last tidbit of trivia about 1974, that is the year the first UPC code showed up - on Wrigley's gum

a new obsession

I have a new food obsession:  peanut butter cookies.  soft and crumby in the mouth with hints of pecans, vanilla and chocolate...simply delicious...and high in fiber and protein, AND no flour, no milk, no table sugar, no eggs, no butter...What you say? How is this possible? 

Garbanzo beans.

Yep and even though it  SOUNDS disgusting, take my word for it, they are DELICIOUS!  I mean I can definitely TASTE the beans, but if I didn't KNOW what that was, I would just think it is the extra fiber or something. And apparently there are those isoflavonoids in there too, so SCREW YOU hot flash!!

Super simple, drain and rinse a can of garbanzo beans. Add 1/2 a cup of peanut butter, a tablespoon or so of vanilla and baking powder, a dash of salt and about 1/4 cup of honey or agave syrup. I used less honey and a couple of packets of splenda.  Grind it all up good in a food processor then dump in a bowl. Coarsely chop up a good handful of pecans and chocolate chips, then add that to the garbanzo bean mixture.

Form into little balls and bake at 300 for about 10 minutes.....since there is no egg in them, just bake til they are firm.

But just so you know, I am STILL waiting for the isoflavonoids to kick in.......

 

next time instead of peanut butter, I might use Nutella.....

So I wonder if anyone still reads my blog..

.I have had type 1 diabetes since I was a little kid and for the last 39 years, 3 months, 14 days and 6 hours, I have been waiting....eagerly, sometimes not so patiently, but always hopefully, for my cure. For the day when I can wake up and NOT have the first thought in my head be, "I wonder what my blood sugar is?"  For the day when I can work out without having to stop in the middle to chew glucose tablets. The day when I can travel without getting groped by the TSA, and when I can eat, without doing MATH.   For the day I stop poking holes in my body and I stop worrying if my brothers kids will get this cruddy disease 

        Luckily for me, the Juvenile Diabetes Foundation was there with support and education, and even more lucky for ALL of us, they decided to add that R to their Name. J D R F.  Because it is RESEARCH that has improved our lives SO much more than most of you know.  Research more than a hundred twenty years ago led to the discovery of beta cells and insulin!  By the time I was diagnosed in 1974, we no longer needed to boil our syringes 'cuz disposable one were finally available.  But we had SO many challenges. 

Gym before lunch? forget it. When I slept over, my friend's parents were terrified, and long bus rides for a little kid who had to pee all the time were no fun..  

        In fact, pee was our only tool.   I had to pee on this little stick, and then watch the end of it change colors.  [PICTURE OF SQUARES]. This first blue square says Negative - no sugar - I am a GOOD Diabetic.  The second one says 100...still good,
 but then getting darker, 250,

 then 500 and so on.... BAD DIABETIC...perhaps this explains my bizarre aversion to the color BROWN, but this was the stone age!   Our doctors had ALL the power. Our diets were restrictive, our insulin set by our doctors....we were just patients, and when I say life was not a piece of cake, I mean, we didn't get much cake!

        Lots has changed, just in my life, thanks to Research.  I got my first glucose monitor in college, but it was THIS big and it took more than 4 minutes to get a result.   Then, came human insulin and an insulin pen, and then my first pump in 1993. 
Actually, this is one that was developed in the 60s. How would you like to have to carry that puppy through the airport or around school? 

        I am on my 4th or 5th pump now, a Medtronic 512, and I am fond of saying "I will go back to shots when they peel this sucker out of my cold dead hands."   
   I use a CGM now too.  I love waking up to see nice flat lines like this..........and even more when the CGM matches the glucose monitor!

     So we have more freedom and control, we can enjoy the occasional piece of cake, but there are costs. When I was in college, diabetes cost me less than $50 a month.  $20 bucks for a box of syringes $12 for a bottle of NPH, another $12 for the regular, add in an occasional visit to the campus doctor and it was affordable.    NOW, I have a pump that uses designer insulin, and  glucometers with strips that cost $1 each. 

        And the CGM is not cheap.  These suckers cost $100 each so I like to bling 'em up a little. And instead of my campus doc, now I have an endo and a retina guy and a foot guy and god knows I need a psychologist, and the costs just go on and on, don't they?!   And while I still want my cure, what I really want is to just live my life.

        So, JDRF needs us to NOT lose our hope. I did my first bikeathon in the 70s, and I raised 38 dollars. I was so proud to have my mama write that check to JDF, hoping earnestly that just maybe it would be MY $38 that did the trick. And I still feel that way. Thanks to the "earnest hopefullness" of millions of people just like you and me, OVER one billion dollars has been raised for T1D research. One billion dollars....$38 at a time.  

        JDRF is THE leading global organization funding T1D research.  52 clinical trials and new technology,  including the Artificial Pancreas Project and Smart Insulin, are so close.   I was accepted into a clinical trial for the Artificial Pancreas  sometime in the next few months and to be able to go through the day without touching my pump or looking at my CGM really will be a dream come true, even if it is just for 48  hours....

        But what I am MOST excited about is Encapsulated Beta Cells.   I won't go into all the technology behind it, but I SAW it.  Our President, Jeffrey Brewer, held up a prototype of this amazing device which will allow us to live completely boring lives, for up to 24 months...which, as Jeff said, isn't exactly a CURE, but it IS a darn good thing. And it will be in clinical trials next year!  HERE IS A GREAT SHORT VIDEO THAT SUMS UP ENCAPSULATION

        All of these thing are making their way through the Pipeline, and JDRF is there, behind the research, lobbying our government for support.  And don't you think, for one SECOND, that just because they are working on all these technological advances, they've forgotten about a CURE. Last week, I attended the annual JDRF conference in Washington DC and had breakfast with the head of Research, and his eyes gleamed as he talked about the things that are coming down the pike...the potential for a vaccine, and regenerating damaged beta cells, and gene therapy. It is all THERE....and we just can't lose hope! NOW WATCH THIS VIDEO IT WILL BLOW YOUR MIND!

        And basically, that's why we raise money, isn't it?  We all still hope for our cure and we need JDRF to continue this research until we have a world without Type One Diabetes. JDRF's mission is to lessen our burden, lessen our struggle, lessen our pain and fear, and lessen that of our loved ones. JDRF has always been focused on  IMPROVING our lives and finding a CURE........ And they won't stop, until they turn Type One   into Type None.

        ONE LAST VIDEO, PLEASE WATCH   

 Now, if you are so inclined, I would love to have your support - CLICK HERE!

 

3:42 am

That is the time. I can't sleep. I mean, I am Really WIRED for some reason. I suppose I could chalk it up to doing ABSOLUTELY nothing today as I was a total NO FLY zone. My thyroid received a lethal dose of radio active iodine yesterday, so I am basically in quarantine until tomorrow.

I suppose my insomnia could be blamed on the Graves Disease. One of the symptoms IS insomnia.....but I haven't really had it til NOW.....

How long will it take to go hypo, I wonder. I should take bets. If I had something cool to give away, I would do it.  OK, we will play for my 19 year old car....Whoever guesses closest to the date I have to start synthroid will be the proud owner of a 1995 Saturn SC1 - PURPLE

I just CAN'T wait.....

I wish someone was awake on facebook.... what the hell is wrong with you east coast people....sleeping in til noon today or what!?.

Pussy

I am NOT what you would call a cat person. I am deathly allergic and can't abide the way they insinuate themselves all over you, even pushing their ass into your face. In my worse nightmare, for some neanderthal reason, I see a cat that I am calmly petting, suddenly turn to me in fury, lips peeling back from sharp, snarling teeth. As it clamps its teeth into my hand, all four paws reach out, sinking all the claws into my bare forearm.  I am unable to scream (given it is a dream), and I frantically trying to shake the evil bastard from my arm. Fortunately before the blood starts spurting, I wake up....
Now that said, I have wanted a PET for a long time. Finally, one day last December, I got one. Yes, this is a stuffed dog from Ikea. I loved him and was so joyous in the car on the way home, saying out loud, "NOW I don't have to get an actual animal!"  Really, I don't actively HATE cats. I wouldn't hurt one for any reason, and would not want to see one hurt.  I like those cute kitty videos on You Tube, but would be loathe to bring one into my home....
        The day before I went to Ikea, my friend Natasha moved to Alabama and stayed in a hotel the night before her truck left.  When she went back the next morning, her two cats, Ando and Juki, were nowhere to be found....so she had to leave them behind.  She had rescued these kitties after the big Hurricane in Houston a few years back, but I didn't know she had left them until I went by after Ikea, to pick up some plants she'd left me.

There, calmly sitting in a corner of the yard, was Ando, a gorgeous grey Russian Blue kitty. I knew he was probably freaked out, as he had always been an inside cat.  Natasha's house backed up to a wash, full of coyotes and javalinas and other kitty eaters, so against my better judgement, I temporarily lost my sanity, and got the cat carrier that Natasha had left, walked over and scooped him up and into the carrier.

       I sat in my car, going, "Fuck!  Now what?"  I talked back to the little shit as he yowled in th back seat.  We drove to Safeway for a litter pan and some food, and Ando came to my house.  Here is a little video of his first day:

He stayed in the garage for about 24 hours, but when he got behind the dryer, where I had recently destroyed a pack rat nest, I decided to move him in the house.  Plus, this was late December, and it is damn cold in Tucson in December. I left him and his paraphernalia in the tiled guest bathroom and he was perfectly happy there....Then I left the door open by accident, and he ventured out and within a few hours he had made himself at home. He played with me, and sat in my lap. I avoided touching my face, but I wasn't all sneezy and stuffed up like I normally am around cats.

Since Natasha was out of state, and I had no way to get Ando to her, I put an ad on Craigslist. I soon had several requests for him. I picked a single mom named DG and she came over to meet him, then she came again the next day with her kids to see if Ando was a fit. He was, and they took him home that night. I was a little sad to see him go, and everyone on Facebook was convinced I was gonna be a cat mommy, but REALLY I do not WANT to be an old Cat Lady.  I am friends with DG on Facebook and she posts pictures of Ando every so often. He looks VERY happy, I am thrilled to say.

        About the time Ando was getting adopted, someone found his sister, Juki, a pitch black kitty, who I had never even seen at Natasha's.  She was definitely not as social as Juki. When the finder called and asked what "I" wanted to do (Natasha's family had hired a finder and given him my phone number). I didn't feel right letting Juki go to a shelter, so I had the finder bring her to me.  I put her in tile bathroom and the first time I went to check on her, she was gone! Not in the tub, not in the trashcan, not in the big box I had put in there for her, the cabinet doors close securely so I had no idea what had happened until I head her rustling around in the vanity.  I open the door, and there she is, all nestled in my clean towels.  She had crawled UNDER the vanity, up the drain pipe hole, and made herself a hidey hole!  I let her stay, but left the cabinet doors open. She was not a brave cat and came out very rarely. 

      I was able to entice her out with treats, but almost as soon as she got it, she'd scamper back to safety...and frankly, as allergic as I was to this cat, it is a good thing she didn't want to play.  She did get over it a little bit when she felt how comfy my couch was....Here is a little clip where she is, according to my Cat-people friends, showing me her love...Me I think she was trying to make me pee. 

She also had a habit of vomiting.  Granted, she had not eaten cat food in a week, so perhaps she was having issues with that, but the vomit and shit were DISGUSTING!!!! I was happy to leave her in the bathroom.

Within a couple of days, I had found her a nice computer geek who wanted an older cat to keep his new kitty company, and it was HELL dragging her out so he could meet her. My arms were scratched to hell - even though she only had back leg claws.   When he brought in a carrier, I was worried about how I was gonna shove her in while maintaining skin integrity, but strangely enough, she dropped in to the new hidey hole like she was medicated with xanax!

After they were both gone, I bleached my bathroom and cleaned the rest of the house....and that was that.  petless once again....except for my little stuffy......

Where did Ryan Go?

I have been sporadic in my blogging lately, and when I do check in, it is manly to read some of my favorite writers - Auds at Barking Mad, That Janie Girl, Kevin at Irish Gumbo and a few others (see the amazing list to the right). One I really liked was Pacing the Panic Room by Ryan Marshall...I started reading him when his wife was pregnant and followed their story for years....and now his blog is restricted.  Does anyone know what happened?

Restrictions

So, thyroid problems are the most common endocrine issue in the world, and while Type I Diabetes is a lot less common, combined with a thyroid issue, it makes quite a big deal. I was diagnosed with Graves Disease - hyperthyroid, in 1981, and was treated with thyroid lowering medication for a year. The disease went into remission for about 20 years, then it came back twice...i was again treated with the medication and it went awy....so here we are again.

The main symptoms are an inability to concentrate or focus on tasks, a racing heartbeat, trembling hands, missing periods and double vision...all of which I have dealing with for the last several months, plus really uncontrollable, unpredictable blood sugars. The upshot is I am having a thyroid scan next week, and in order to prepare for that, I am on an iodine restricted diet, which means no dairy, no eggs, no fish, no soy...and it is amazing what those 4 things are in...if there is butter in something...nope.  Soy Lecithin?  nope. Seaweed? nope. Milk solids...nope. Iodized salt is out for obvious reasons, though NON iodized salt is fine. Fortunately MOST canned food is now prepared with non-iodized salt and there are lists of manufacturers available.

Thanks to the internet, I have been able to find plenty of dairy free recipes...I am not much of a cook, other than soup (and my chicken stock might have iodized salt in it, so that is out...). But lookie what found:

 This is the the starting place for Banana, Peanut Butter, Coco-pops. I don't have popsicle molds so I improvised with Dixie Cups and plastic spoons. Here is the finished project:

It was DELICIOUS!  Even when I can have ice cream again, I will make this snack!. Here is the recipe:

2 bananas
2 little spoons of unsweetened cocoa powder
3/4 C lite Coconut milk
1/2 t vanilla
1 big squeeze of Agave Nectar
2 handfuls of roasted unsalted peanuts

Run the whole thing through the blender. Pour it into molds or dixie cups and force yourself to leave the freezer door shut for at least 2 hours...and VOILA!

don't miss this blog!

One of my favorite bloggers over the years has been Audrey at Barking Mad.  She opening and honestly shares her struggles with life, weight, the economy, her kids, her past, and SO much more...and to top it off, she is a BRILLIANT writer. 

She is doing an awesome giveaway, so even if you don't want to read an exceptional blog, (and I don't know why you wouldn't...you've wasted time on mine!), you should at least check her out!

never mind...

wiping the little snot bubble off the end of my nose.....I have been excluded from the study thanks to a recurrence of Graves Disease...

I am very depressed. I was looking forward to something POSITIVE happening as it relates to diabetes. 

The doctor says I can be considered again next time, once the Graves is taken care of....but it is pretty competitive to get in, so, I won't hold my breath........

Here's to technology, science and math!!

I have been a Type I diabetic since I was 10 years old. My body makes NO insulin, so I have no choice but to put it in me, or die. Since insulin is a protein, it cannot be injested, as the stomach acids would destroy it.  It has to enter through my skin. I started taking shots once a day at first, then twice a day, and then as standards of care changed, I took up to 4 or 5 shots a day, timed to my meals, or to correct high blood sugars.  Taking MORE shots does not mean I was a BAD diabetic or my diabetes was WORSE than someone else's. Multiple daily injections was the "gold standard" for many years. Normal bodies dole out insulin all day long, in response to fluctuations, so it just made sense to have insulin come in more regularly.

So, along those lines, the first insulin pumps were developed (the first one is pictured...they have come a long way!), to mimic the body in dripping out small amounts all day, and then giving bigger surges, or boluses, at meal times when the blood sugar soared.  For the last  20 years, I have ussed an insulin pump. This device is attached to me with a small catheter under the skin that I have to change out every 4 or 5 days.  Yes, it goes IN, piercing the skin, with a needle, but then I pull the needle out, leaving a small plastic tube. The insulin travels from the pump and into me via 20" of tubing. I can disconnect the pump for a shower or to go swimming, but I can't be away from my "lifeline" for much longer than that. 

The pump is programmed by me to administer a tiny amount of insulin every few minutes, just like a normal body, to take care of my metabolic needs.....I test my blood sugar frequently to make sure I don't have too much sugar in my blood, or just as bad, too much insulin.  To do this, I poke a hole in my finger and test it on a little device.  Yes, it hurts a little bit.  

And that is where the math comes in. For example, I want to eat a bagel, which from package label I can see has 45 grams of carbohydrate.  Since I know that (for me), 1 unit of insulin will "take care" of 15 grams of CHO, that is easy math to figure out - 3 units of insulin for the 45 gm CHO bagel.  So, I test my blood sugar. and it is in a normal range, say 100, so I can take my three units and be done.  However, if my blood sugar is HIGH, say 200, FIRST I have to take enough insulin to lower me to a normal place (for me, that target is 100).  Since I know that one unit of insulin will lower my blood sugar ~50 points , that is easy math - I need to take 2 units to bring me down to 100, PLUS the 3 units for the 45 grams of carbohydrate.  Timing the administration of the insulin can also a tricky process. Insulin does not immediately bring my blood sugar down, so I have to take insulin well before I eat, so it has a chance to start working - especially if I am a little high - it needs to start bring me down before I add more sugar to my blood.

While taking insulin IS the only option, insulin is NOT a cure, and it is not a ideal solution to avoid the complications associated with diabetes...blindness, kidney and heart disease, loss of circulation and amputation as well as a whole HOST of unappealing options. It is pretty much a fact that even with very tight glucose control, many type 1 diabetics will develop complications anyway

Several years ago, "they" developed continuous glucose monitor - these little devices are also inserted under the skin, and they send a message every few minutes to yet another device, with a blood sugar level. They are really extraordinary devices, very accurate but just one more tool for ME to manage my blood sugar. Instead of testing my blood sugar 8 or 9 times per day, the CGM tests me every 5 minute, so there are 288 readings every day and I can more accurately program my insulin pump and administer meal boluses. But I will be the first to say that they are not always 100% accurate.I still test my blood the "old fashioned " way several times a day.

For a long time, we have dreamed of, if not a cure, then a "closed loop" system....Taking the person OUT of the mix, so to speak.  They now call this the Artificial Pancreas, and there are several versions currently being studied....one is gene therapy, another is a bioengineering approach using transplanted beta cells (Insulin producing cells that MY body does not have); and the third version is the Technology version - a pump and a CGM (which I already have), but the difference is they talking to each other and reacting, WITHOUT interference or input from ME!

Thanks to funding and research spearheaded by JDRF, this is now a reality in the United States. In theory, it has been approved by the FDA and it is currently in human studies in various places around the country. And I am thrilled to announce, that I have been selected to be a participant in Phase II of a trial for the Artificial Pancreas project!

I will be leaving for Santa Barbara next Sunday for the first of two 40-hour studies. I will wear 2 Dexcom 4 glucose sensors and wear a Tandem insulin pump from Sunday night until Tuesday morning. The devices will be hooked together with a modified Iphone, and I will be asked to eat, sleep and exercise.like a normal person while they watch how the iphone application works.  I will do it again the following week.  To say I am excited is an understatement....and I look forward to sharing the experience with my friends and family, many of whom have been donating to the JDRF for years in hopes of a cure.....

So,, let' hear it for technology, science and math!!! SUPPORT STEM EDUCATION!

She

She just oozes venom. Nothing I say is worth crap. I ask what do you want to do, she  says, i don't care what ever you want to do, so I say we are going to take the bus and she complains about her feet and walking to the bus I say, ok we can take a a cab - oh now she says, let's do what YOU want. At lunch, i thought she'd have a better view in the seat facing the boats, so i said, sit here, and she flounced down into the chair... Observant, I saw I had done SOMETHING to make her mad, so I said, you can sit here in the other seat if you would rather. oh NO, she said, you want me to sit here so I will sit here. I said, you can sit in whichever you want, i just thought the view would be better from that one. Oh I am just fine here if this is where you want me. I almost hit her square in the face. Instead I leaned over real close, put my hand on her wrist and whispered in her ear, you can sit in whch ever seat you want, i just thought this was the BETTER seat, so she grabs her stuff and says OK I WILL change, that's the one i wanted anyway. i came so close to twisting her arm or throwing a glass of water in her face several times, or maybe just punching her.

At dinner, my cousin, no relation to her, and i are chatting as we usually do once a year when we get together. I mention how my cousin's grandma got HER her first job and Oh my does that set her off on a roll, talking and and oh my she is just in story heaven. I finally say something about seeing another cousin recently in Chicago, and you would have thought I had actually made good on my mental threats and slapped her. She sat there the rest of dinner, picking at  her sandwicm with her lips pursed, wouldn't say a thing to anyone.

When the bill comes, she asks, am I supposed to pay for everyone? No, I mutter, we all pay our own.When we wre offered a ride home instead of having to suffer the bus all the way back, it is, oh no we don't want to put you out of your way. My cousin insits, couldn't be nicer about it, and she sits like a lump, as we are getting out, she apologizes profusely for  putting them out....

and now she is in her pajamas, faces washed, in bed watching television.  barely 8pm...what am i supposed to do for 3 hours.

 i love her but i can't be with her. she makes me feel worthless. a mother is not supposed to do that to a child. SHE makes ME feel like I should jut kill myself. That i am an ugly unstylish heaven useless blob. SHE makes ME feel like SHIT