Stasha's Random Proclamations

Numbers (Anthropomorphic): Murder By Numbers
1 (Number), 2 (Number), 6 (Number) | 1045 words | Gen | No Archive Warnings Apply

Number One lets out a curse as he makes out the shape beneath all the blood.

So this was an inside job then.

One of their own number.

Mr. Trash Wheel (Anthropomorphic): Mr. Trash Wheel Sluices The Blues
Mr. Trash Wheel, A Five-Foot-Long West African Ball Python, OCs | 3510 words | Gen | No Archive Warnings Apply

Summary: Mr. Trash Wheel said nothing, but his water wheel continued to rotate with thoughtful slowness, and his enormous googly eyes were soft and sympathetic.

Of course, that might have been the bourbon talking.

Space Exploration (Anthropomorfic): Some of the Planetary Bodies Cassini Didn't Hit, and One It Did
Cassini (Saturn Orbiter), Planet Saturn, Others | 1008 words | Gen | Major Character Death

Summary: Cassini journeys through space, but not alone.

Starfire Series - David Weber & Various Authors: Greater Trust
Zhaarnak'diaano | Zhaarnak'telmasa, Raymond Prescott | 2166 words | Gen | No Archive Warnings Apply

Summary: What if Zhaarnak'diaano and Raymond Prescott had lived during the Second and Third Interstellar Wars, instead of the Fourth?

Pikmin (Video Game): Battle Plan
Man at Legs, Dwarf Bulborb | 1749 | Gen | No Archive Warnings Apply

Summary: The Man-at-Legs leaves its den, discovers snow, and makes a friend.

19th Century Paleontologist RPF: The Ordinary Operations of Nature
Mary Anning, Charles Lyell | 4877 words | Teen | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Summary: Mary Anning writes to Charles Lyell.

The cliffs have become my home, my work, my place of continual toil, of movement guided by His hand. We have unearthed much of my Friend, as I have taken to calling him - for he seems as close a companion as Dog or the Sea, something familiar and dear...

The Culture - Iain M. Banks: Ever-Everland
Original Characters, Diziet Sma | 8843 words | Explicit | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

'I don't know if I meant it to be this way or if it was some really good sabotage.'

Ea-nasir Tablet RPF: Give copper, that your heart may not be troubled
Ea-Nasir, Others | 2243 words | G | No Archive Warnings Apply
Summary: Ea-Nasir's business has kept the scribes of Ur in meat and drink these ten years.

Rivers of London - Ben Aaronovitch: The Next Best Thing
Peter Grant/Thomas Nightingale | 5884 words | Explicit | No Archive Warnings Apply

Summary: Telepathy – in the sense of somebody reading your thoughts – is not, so far as Nightingale or I or any other Newtonian wizards I’ve met to date are aware, a real thing.

That wasn’t much consolation right now.

Tingleverse - Chuck Tingle, Savage Love (Podcast) RPF: Savage Lovecast Episode 69: Pounded in the Butt By Savage Lovecast Episode 69
Dan Savage, Caller | 2144 words | Mature | No Archive Warnings Apply

Summary:
Dan Savage: So you’re getting pounded in the butt by your own concept of linear time.

Caller: Right.

Dan Savage: What is that like?

Caller: Well, Dan, it’s kind of confusing. On the one hand, it’s fucking amazing hardcore gay action. On the other hand, last month I was double-teamed by the sociopolitical implications of Putin influencing the American Presidential election in order to install a tiny-handed fascist Cheeto in the White House, and by the historical precedents of Trump’s demagogic takeover of America for the purposes of personal profit and destroying all the best ideals of our nation.

Top Gun: Indian Ocean. Present Day.
Tom "Iceman" Kazansky/Pete "Maverick" Mitchell, Others | 16458 words | Mature | Major Character Death, Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Summary: Isolated on an aircraft carrier in the middle of the Indian Ocean, cut off from any source of information about the global political and environmental disaster which has engulfed the planet, Maverick and Goose struggle to make sense of an increasingly claustrophobic command structure and failing resources on board. When a refugee helicopter is spotted approaching the carrier, its pilot could be the catalyst for an explosive re-evaluation ...

Yes Minister: The Status Quo
Jim Hacker, Humphrey Appleby, Bernard Woolley | 9886 words | G | No Archive Warnings Apply
Summary: When someone lights a fire, you could put it out. Or you could light a bigger fire, to stop everyone looking at it.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: as cuddly as a cactus by hardlygolden
Ensemble, Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago | 1633 words, G, No Archive Warnings Apply
"Aha!" Jake says. "That was almost definitely a joke."

"It was indeed a joke," says Captain Holt. "You may have noticed that I have a tendency to get caught up in the merriment of the silly season. Kevin finds it most embarrassing."

Cadfael Chronicles - Ellis Peters: A Flourish of Gold by thelittlestbird
Brother Cadfael, Olivier de Bretagne, Eleanor of Aquitaine | 14800 words, G, No Archive Warnings Apply
Summary: When a murder disrupts the peace conference that might end the Anarchy, Brother Cadfael must solve one last mystery. Fortunately, he has some very competent people to help him.

The Culture - Iain M. Banks: First Steps by Bagheera
GOU Falling Outside The Normal Moral Constraints, Lededje Y'breq, Original Characters | 11207 words, Teen, No Archive Warnings Apply
Summary: "Did I design you a warship or a party clown, child?"

Jeeves - P. G. Wodehouse: Jeeves and the Secret Santa by butterflymind
Bertie, Jeeves, Aunt Dahlia | 5635 words, G, No Archive Warnings Apply
Summary: Next year, Bertie Wooster would most definitely not be leaving London for Christmas.

Robot Series - Isaac Asimov: Odds Against by Borusa
Susan Calvin, Alfred Lanning | 2568 words, G, No Archive Warnings Apply
Summary: A steel factory robot starts predicting the results of horse races, with perfect accuracy. With Alfred Lanning flapping wildly, Susan Calvin investigates.

Star Trek: Dwellers in the Crucible - Margaret Wander Bonnano: The One Great Choice by Beatrice_Otter
Cleante al-Faisal & T'Shael, Jasmine al-Faisal | 8179 words, Teen, No Archive Warnings Apply
"T'Shael's decision to accompany Cleante back to Earth was easily made but not, in the end, easily accomplished. Or, at least, quickly attained."

Temeraire - Naomi Novik, Unusual Dragon Hoards - iguanamouth: An Abundance Of Captains by fadeaccompli
Temeraire, William Laurence, Hoard of Kittens Dragon | 2897 words, G, No Archive Warnings Apply
Summary: Laurence was puzzled as to why anyone should send him and Temeraire to collect a stray dragonet, until he discovered how it had chosen its captain.

The Unusuals: A Dream Is a Wish You Make With Your Heart. (Or, Possibly, With Your Mustache.) by Kansas42
Ensemble, Davis Nixon/Casey Shraeger, Allison Beaumont/Jason Walsh | 7998 words, G, No Archive Warnings Apply
Summary: Casey and Walsh may be doomed to have a fairy tale wedding, whether they like it or not. Meanwhile, Banks has gone missing, and Alvarez’s mustache may or may not have psychic powers.

ETAAuthors 01.01.2015

Cats of Grand Central - Diane Duane: A Night Out by Syksy
Rhiow, Urruah | 1518 words, G, No Archive Warnings Apply
Summary: Rhiow and Urruah have a night off.

The Cat Who... series - Lilian Jackson Braun: The Cat Who Owned a Library by Jai
Jim Qwilleran, Polly Duncan, Kao K'o-Kung, Yum Yum | 3307 words, G, No Archive Warnings Apply
Summary: It's late fall 400 miles north of anywhere, and the library's new exhibit seems to be plagued with troubles. Qwill and his Siamese detectives are determined to get to the bottom of things. (Or possibly Qwill is determined to get to the bottom of things, and the Siamese are more interested in finding new bookshelves to nap on.)

Dragonriders of Pern - Anne McCaffrey: Pieces of the Whole by astrokath
Original Characters | 5258 words, Teen, Character Death
Summary: Your dragon is with you for life, and loves you for life, no matter how badly you screw up. How do you adjust to that? What if you can't?

A Study in Emerald - Neil Gaiman: Counterpoint by misura
John Watson, Sherlock Holmes | 1081 words, G, No Archive Warnings Apply
Summary: “You are mad,” I told him, when he revealed to me his plan, but even as the words left my mouth, I knew that it was not so, for I had seen the face of madness often enough to be able to recognize it. One could not handle money and not see it, although many pretend otherwise. (pre-canon)

The Unusuals: second squad, this is delahoy, be advised by TLvop
Eric Delahoy, Leo Banks, Second Squad | 1669 words, Teen, Major Character Death
Summary: Everyone has to die. Delahoy wishes it wasn't such a big fucking deal.

ETAAuthors 01.01.2014

The Addams Family (1991): College First by kurushi
Wednesday Addams, Addams Family, OCs | 10 332 words, Not Rated, No Archive Warning Apply
Wednesday came home from college with an undergraduate degree in entomology, a postgraduate degree in forensic anthropology, a black leather trenchcoat, a long single braid down the middle of her back, a collection of campus warning signs, and twin seven-year-old girls called Scylla and Charybdis.

Cadfael Chronicles - Ellis Peters: The Unknown Postulant by dizzy_fire
Brother Cadfael, Sister Magdalen | 4798 words, Teen, No Archive Warnings Apply
Summary: A young postulant at Godric's Ford is found unconscious in the fields. It seems that she has sneaked out from the convent to escape an unwanted vocation. But Sister Magdalen has some doubts, and asks Brother Cadfael to help her get to the bottom of the mystery.

Discworld - Terry Pratchett: 'Tis Impossible To Be Sure Of Any Thing by karanguni
Havelock Vetinari, Death, Moist von Lipwig, Rufus Drumknott, Lu Tze | 6637 words, Teen, Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
'There are certain inevitabilities -'

NO, HAVELOCK. THERE IS ONLY ONE INEVITABILITY, the stranger cut Vetinari off. ME. Moist shuddered a little bit.

'Yes. However, we would like it if there were more.'

Hawkeye (Comics): Backup by thatbroadcast
Kate Bishop, Lucky, Clint Barton, OCs | 3009 words, G, No Archive Warnings Apply
Summary: She gets the text at two pm on a Tuesday.
KIDNAPPED NINJAS WARWICK HOTEL BRING BACKUP BATTERY DYING CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS SHIT

Nero Wolfe - Rex Stout: Twice Removed by astolat
Archie Goodwin, Nero Wolfe, Lily Rowan, Saul Panzer, Inspector Cramer, Archie/Lily | 3730 words, Teen, No Archive Warnings Apply
Summary: "I fully recognize it's beneath you," I told him, having given him a sketch of Lily's problem. "The necklace is only worth a measly twenty or thirty grand, and it's not as though you've ever considered yourself in Miss Rowan's debt — "

"Grrh," Wolfe said, so I took it that my point had been made and moved on.

ETAAuthors 01.01.2014

Dragonriders of Pern - Anne McCaffrey: Unthinkable by Kastaka
OCs | 4898 words, Teen, Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Summary: Being left Standing - it gets easier, and it doesn't.

Dragonriders of Pern - Anne McCaffrey: Musical Arrangements by nnozomi
Sebell, Menolly, Piemur | 6276 words, Teen, No Archive Warnings Apply
Summary: You work with the gifts you have, because that’s all you can do. If you’re lucky, your gifts include friends and lovers.

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005): How Freezing To Death Can Sometimes Seem Like The Better Option by errantcomment
Harry Lockhart/Perry van Shrike | 3966 words, Teen, No Archive Warnings Apply
Summary: It all started with the meat-locker. Sort of. But really the meat-locker didn't have much to do with it. It wanted to though, which was public-spirited of it.

The Mummy Series/Bone Key - Sarah Monette: No Harm Ever Came from Digging Up the Past by russian_blue
Evelyn "Evy" Carnahan, Claudia Coburn | 5040, G, No Archive Warnings Apply
Summary: Removing ancient curses is vastly underrated as a bonding experience.

ETAAuthors 01.01.2013

Forever Knight: Rondeau by tolakasa
Amanda Cohen, Nicholas Knight, Don Schanke, Natalie Lambert, 2440 words, G, No Archive Warnings Apply
Summary: There are many terms she'd apply to the precinct holiday party. "Fun" is not one of them.

Hawkeye (Comics): Afternoon Stroll by neveralarch
Clint Barton, Kate Bishop |753 words, Teen, No Archive Warnings Apply
Summary: Right, so I'm taking the dog out for a walk. The most normal thing I could possibly do.

James Bond (Movies), Skyfall (2012): All the Queen's Women and All the Queen's Men by Ruuger
James Bond & Q, James Bond & M |1208 words, Teen, No Archive Warnings Apply
Summary: Orphans, every one of them.

Meta - Fandom: Somebody had to write this (so why not me?) by who_la_hoop
AO3 Tags |189 words, Teen, No Archive Warnings Apply
Found poetry.

The Tripods - John Christopher: Keeping in Good Condition by StripySock
Will/The Master | 2728 words, Explicit, Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Summary: The Master wishes to keep Will healthy, and the optimal way to manage this is clear.

ETAAuthors 01.01.2013

Aliens : Catch a falling star by Lizzen
Dwayne Hicks/Ellen Ripley, Newt, Bishop, David 8, OCs | 5665 words, Teen, Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Summary: Alien3 AU – Sometimes family is all you have left.

Discworld: The Importance of Being Mostly Human by gogollescent
Susan Sto Helit, The Vimes Family, Others | 10434 words, Teen, Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Summary: In which Susan identifies "Where's My Cow" as a proto-talismanic anchor for Young Sam's continued health and existence, and tries very hard not to wonder what the Vimes' butler does on his day off. There may also be a lesson about the meaning of Hogswatch, but no one wants to talk about that.

Calving & Hobbes, Hobbes And Bacon: "Worked okay so far?" by lalaietha
Calvin/Susie Derkins, Hobbes, Bacon, Mr Bun | 3440 words, G, No Archive Warnings Apply
Summary: Sometimes Susie worries about whether her daughter's fantasy life is actually fantasy.

Hawkeye (Comics): A Wedding and Some Arrows by bendingwind
Clint Barton & Kate Bishop, background Carol Danvers/Jessica Drew | 1578 words, Teen, No Archive Warnings Apply
Summary: Kate and Clint get drunk on a roof.

Sports Night: You Could Turn It On Like A Light by nightcamedown
Casey McCall/Dan Rydell, Others | 11976 words, G, Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Summary: In which Dan and Casey are not fraught. Or so they say.

ETAAuthors 01.01.2013

Vorkosigan Saga: A Fine and Public Place by cest_what
Ivan Vorpatril/Byerly Vorrutyer, 2408 words, Teen And Up Audiences, No Archive Warnings Apply
Summary: High Vor gossip is both a volatile threat and a tool to be used.

He couldn't say he knew Byerly all that well – they were hardly taking lightflyer trips together on the weekends – but he knew him better than he used to, and he didn't think he'd ever seen quite that expression on his face. It was some combination of tension, apology and unholy amusement. It made Ivan nervous.

"Ah," Byerly said. He examined the fingernails of one hand, the casual gesture destroyed by the way his fingertips wouldn't hold steady. He took a breath. "Well, yes. I've been speaking with a lady, and I have what you might call a new brief. Something more in the nature of, er, active deflection, rather than my usual line in information."


Vorkosigan Saga: Domestic Affairs by resolute
Ekaterin/Miles, Duv Galeni, Delia Koudelka, 4563 words, General Audiences, No Archive Warnings Apply
Summary: After her marriage to Miles, Ekaterine looks for balance in a life that comes with out-sized baggage.

"This wasn’t the plan," Kolynko said. Her hands were shaking.

"I’m sure it wasn’t," Ekaterine said. "Everyone who’s ever aimed a nerve disrupter at me has seemed very upset to be in that position."


Nero Wolfe: Ambush by Parhelion
Archie Goodwin/Nero Wolfe, 989 words, General Audiences, No Archive Warnings Apply
Summary: Archie didn't go out looking for trouble...

Why I was taken by surprise by what I saw in his face, I don't know. Maybe it was the memories of him teaching a brash young kid not to pick unnecessary fights while on his business that had made me expect condemnation.

Even though it hurt, I felt myself grinning.

"Don't preen," he told me.


Cthulhu Mythos: What Lies Beneath by Nellie
OMC, Nyarlathotep, 1110 words, Explicit, Rape/Non-Con, Tentacles
Summary: A hunt for the source of a mysterious manuscript doesn't exactly end as planned.

"You don’t get to choose," Nicholas whispers, lips brushing the back of my ear in a warm caress. "It’s all or nothing, and you can’t decide to put the parts you don’t like back on the shelf and keep the rest for yourself."


Jurassic Park: the butterfly effect by coffeesuperhero
Alan Grant/Ellie Sattler/Ian Malcolm, 2280 words, Teen And Up Audiences, No Archive Warnings Apply
Summary: Life finds a way.

Ian appears on a talk show and tells the whole horrendous story. Two weeks later, the university revokes his tenure, but he soldiers bravely on, determined that the truth will still find a way.

"It's ruining your reputation," Ellie says, but Ian won't hear it.

"Ah, ah, ah, the truth will set you free, Doctor Sattler," he insists.

ETAAuthors 01.01.12

Hawk & Fisher: Eyeballs and Apple Candy by yhlee
Isobel Fisher, Hawk, 2494 words, Teen And Up Audiences, Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Summary: Hawk and Fisher have the misfortune of being assigned to test nonlethal weapons. Naturally, they're attacked by a demon. Banter and tentacles ensue.


Lord Darcy Series: His Master's Voice by Castiron
Lord Darcy, Sean O Lochlainn, Mary Dowager Duchess of Cumberland, 7616 words, Teen And Up Audiences, No Archive Warnings Apply
Summary: Lord Darcy is called in to investigate a mysterious apparition that has appeared since the death of Charles de Beaufort, Baron Dartmoor, and that may signal a threat to the new baron.

'The Hound of the Baskervilles' in the Lord Darcy -verse.


MacGyver: Gotta Know When To Fold 'Em by Pitry
MacGyver, Murdoc, 5176 words, General Audiences, No Archive Warnings Apply
Summary: Some people have hobbies. MacGyver gets shot at.

Homicidal Maniac the Second wasn’t buying it. "I don’t think so," he said. "Goodbye." And squeezed the trigger.

After a few seconds, Mac allowed himself to open one eye. Then the other. He hadn’t been shot – he could tell that much for himself. But he’d heard a gunshot. Homicidal Maniac the Second was no longer aiming his gun at him – actually, he wasn’t aiming his gun at anyone. He was staring at the sky with unseeing eyes, blood dripping from his mouth and a hole in his forehead, and surprise written all over his face. Mac grimaced, then looked around, looking for the person who had shot the killer and saved his life.

Oh.

"You." That was, more or less, all he had to say.


Marvel 1602: Sic Transit Gloria Mundi by oliviacirce
Tony Stark, Nick Fury, Pepper Potts, Clea Strange, Virginia Dare, Rojhaz, Steve Rogers, Bruce Banner, Matt Murdock, Peter Parker, Reed Richards, King James I and VI, Steve/Tony
12218 words, Mature, Author Chose Not To Warn
Summary: Two days after his spies reported that Anthony Stark had returned to England—battered, they told him, but alive—Sir Nicholas Fury rode to Deptford.

"Stark," he said, still quiet, "what do you know of the new King?" Anthony had never met James—his work for the crown had never taken him to Scotland, only to Ireland and Russia and Spain and the Indies—but even though the Queen was very old, even though he knew she was dying, even though she was dead—it was still impossible to think of her as mortal. He stole a hand to his chest, touching the compass through three layers of cloth. He could feel the sharpness of its metal edges, the uneasily banked fire of far too much power just barely contained under his skin.
[...]
"Very little," he said to Will, "but I think the whole world is about to change."

ETAAuthors 01.01.12