10 Great Things About Minnesota

10. Highly unlikely to be struck by earthquake, tsunami or hurricane any time soon
9. You can see really, really far in the distance; no one can sneak up on you
8. Distinctive accents
7. Culturally diverse; including Swedes, Norwegians, Danes, Finns, Greenlanders, and a few Germans thrown in for good measure
6. Only two seasons; keeps learning simple in grade schools and easy to shop for clothing
5. Pro wrestler politicians
4. Save money in the winter months; turn off the freezer and store the ice cream on the porch
3. Winter makes a person really appreciate summer
2. Hot dish
1. Its close proximity to Wisconsin

Fridge facts!

Again another masterpiece. Redhook comes out swinging with this sharp and poinient ale. Very tasty and there are five more left in the fridge!

What's in the fridge?

The last bottle of porter was getting lonely so I needed to find it a friend. This strong stout comes from the chilly northern reaches of Kalamazoo, MI. Strong and ttttttasty I must say. Soon the stout will need a friend too. Perhaps a winter ale next time!

Colder than a witches tit on the shady side of an igloo

The holidays in Minnesota are always a special time of year. Minnesotan's love winter. Official polls across the nation show that the number one place in the country to freeze your ass off over the winter holiday is the good ol' land of ten thousand lakes. Yes indeed folks each and every Minnesotan looks forward to the first outing of their winter day. For me it's the first dog play of the morning. This event only requires a small amount of preparation. First I must don my under layers; one pair of size 34 bottoms, one pair of size 35 bottoms, one pair of size 36 bottoms, then cap it off with a 1/2 inch think pair of nubby fleece pants. (If it's breezy I may need to top that with a pair of wind pants or I won't see the "boys" for weeks). On the upper extremities; long underwear shirt, wool sweater, nubby fleece pull-over, Himalayan tested expedition parka. Chopper mittens with wool inserts, wool scarf, Sorel boots with 5 pairs of wool socks and a fleece balaclava and I'm ready for adventure. MMMMMmmmm toasty! Even the dog has booties. Yes indeed folks, week upon week of sub zero weather is awesome! (Feel free to send one way plane tickets to Fiji any time!) Happy holidays!

What's in the fridge!

Creamy and delicious! I can't believe there are only 3 left.

http://www.fullers.co.uk/frames.phtml

Gorgeous, simply gorgeous

I want it! Definitely a step up from the low end 1970's French import I got for free from a friend of mine's mom! www.jonnycycles.com

Sweet Dreams

Over the last few days I have had a number of interesting things happen to me.

First, I had a nightmare the other night. Like the kind someone might have as a 9 or 10 years old, sounds silly when I describe it to other people but scary as shit when it’s actually happening. Here are the details.

I’m in a room like a hospital room way up high in a glass building (maybe the 60th floor). It’s a corner room so all around me I can see sky and little tiny buildings. I’m not sure who is in the room with me but there are several people, whom I am supposed to be protecting. I have my back to the glass when all of a sudden someone shouts “Oh my god what is that thing!” It appears that something has landed on the balcony outside the windows. I feel the hairs on my neck rise and the ‘fight or flight instinct’ is kicking into high gear. There is a sliding glass door to the balcony so I dive at it in order to keep it closed or lock it or something. Needless to say the beast is at the door before me and it’s huge, menacing, snarling, and hairy. I yell out “It’s a giant hairy otter!”

Now at this point I must interject that I know this is ridiculous. The beast does not look nothing like a giant hairy otter, nor does the thought of a giant hairy otter disturb me so, on with the story.

The beast lurches through the door and immediately envelops me in its flailing arms. At this point I awaken to the sound of me yelling out in my sleep. Mind you this is no ordinary, manly, fighting the dragon and saving the maiden kinda yell. No sir! This sounds more like a wounded, sulking animal kind of whimper or like a distorted version of a dog whining at the back door. What ever the case I awaken my wife with the noise and she is shaking me asking if I’m ok! HELL NO I’m not OK! I'm lying here in bed, whining like a two year old, in a pool of sweat, muscles seized up, and worst of all I just got my ass kicked by a giant hairy otter! Would you be ok! Jeez, some people.

Secondly, I had a realization tonight that when I get up in the middle of the night with my wife to feed the baby and change her diaper my brain remains on my pillow while my body leaves the room. Here is how I came to this conclusion (with my wife’s help).

I’m sitting on the floor in front of the nursing duo doing what I would call "thinking". Specifically about the past sleeping habits of our 4 month old child who is now using her crib as a race track; scooting around on her back in her sleep wearing away the hair on the back of her head. (My wife would call this spacing out and tell me to go back to bed) As I am thinking these deep thoughts my wife starts pumping her arm up and down like a kid would do in the car if she wanted a semi to honk its horn. I sit there gaping at her. All thoughts have left my mind. What the hell is she doing? At this point my wife looks at me and says “what the hell are you doing?” Now I’m still trying to shift mental modes from the ponderings of ancient infant sleep patterns to bizarre upper body movements of breast feeding mothers so no words escape my lips, which by the way are open wide enough that my wife claims she was waiting for a cave swallow to fly into our house and immediately set up residence in my yap. In the end her arm apparently had an itch and she was trying to find a way to scratch it without disturbing the feeding baby. Duh, where was my brain! Of course an itch! I should have known this was the international sign for “I have an itch on my arm and I need some assistance in scratching it”. Needless to say I was still confused by the time I rejoined my brain in bed where I promptly collapsed upon it in an effort to rejoin it in LaLa Land.

It’s amazing how many things one can accomplish and learn when the gray matter between the ears flips the sign on the door to closed for the evening.

"Does it come with Kung Fu grip?"

In recent days we have all come to realize just how strong a 4 month old baby can be. Let start with the lovely Wife. She probably discovered first the undauntedly power contained in the little clutches of our infant. Her amazing skill and the lightning fast speed at which she removes glasses and necklaces would leave a good pick pocket in awe. Next up we have the Pa Pa. As he tries to change a soiled nappy at 3 am, in the dark, half awake this little jellyfish of a baby has her tentacles poised to grab everything from fingers and sleeves (not her own), diapers old and new and, god forbid I get too close, the hair on my head becomes fair game for her fierce little pinchers. Lastly and probably the saddest of all are the Hounds. They both have fallen prey to the iron clutches of this fierce little creature. Grabbing head, neck and facial fur, lips and whiskers included she will clamp down and pull with abandonment! This typically results in a very confused and somewhat disgruntled look and groan from the afore mentioned beast. And to think she will be walking some day soon. Wait till she tries to saddle them up and ride them like a ponies! Oh the fun we will have!

One of them thinkin' kind a magazines

Check out my favorite magazine http://www.orionsociety.org/

Rollin, rollin, rollin...

Crazy baby everyone! Watch out!

Ahh child development! She has recently discovered the art of rolling over. Usually this is a moment of extreme happiness and satisfaction for parents; knowing that your baby is developmentally normal and hopefully will be moving out of the house some day and living on their own. For us it's all that and more. You see, Wiley coyote baby practices her roll all of the time: on the floor, in her crib (night and day) in our laps, in her stroller, in the tub (yikes), while eating. If she could walk I think she would prefer to do somersaults! She wants to roll so bad that she grunts and cries in her often vain attempts to get over from her back to her stomach. She fusses, groans, growls and whimpers until she eventually gets over or I take pity on her and give her a little push. Now you would think she would take a moment and bask in her recent glory. BUT NO! She almost immediately starts fussing, sometimes screaming, arms out like a little Cessna ready for take off. You see, thanks to some great marketing on the part of the folks at SIDS the little howler doesn't dig being on her belly when she is sleepy. Sure we put her on her belly each day multiple times and she does just fine, but unsupervised during sleep time, watch out! I mean I understand the motivation behind the theory and all but it still sucks that she won't chill out when she get's there on her own. (Note: I’m not saying babies should sleep on their faces. That’s just plain crazy talk!)

Don't worry folks I’ve come up with a solution! I'm building a half pipe in her crib! It makes perfect sense. If I put her on her back in the middle of the ramp she can roll onto her belly in both direction and (thank you Newton) gravity will alleviate the problem.

I know the genius genes have all been transfer from me to her so someday she will be devising inventions to change my diapers and keep me in the yard lest I wander off in my old age. Until then little one, sweet dreams and happy rolling!

Frankenbaby!

The day before yesterday I questioned who the father of my baby was. I mean I can count the months, I remember the act of conception well enough. But recently my (if it really is mine) baby has stopped cooing and started grunting. Now on occasion it is sort of endearing. A cute little rrrrgggg! Followed by a smile and some fancy footwork but more often it’s a cranky, grouchy, grumpy RRRGGGG! Followed by back arching wriggling and all sorts of other firm grip avoidance techniques. So I am starting to think this guy might be the father. I wonder if any one else has ever experienced this problem. Perhaps this guy is a traveling salesman, wondering the countryside searching for innocent maidens to lure into his clutches. Yup I think this despicable creature fathered my Frankenbaby!

Old man winter has come a knocking!

Now that early winter is upon us here in Minnesota I thought it was time to share an image of the appropriate baby bundling garb necessary for our frosty afternoon adventures. Notice the two tassels on the hat. They are to cover up her little horns! (I think the hat suppresses all ability to smile). Keep an eye out for future photos with the bunting outfit arrives from Patagonia! Then the real fun begins.

Save the Arctic...

How many of us really know how precious and diverse a landscape the northern reaches of this continent hold. Check out Subhankar Banerjee's website for exquisite photographs of this stunning landscape http://www.wwbphoto.com/. Now read this article about the scandal surrounding his lovely pictures http://www.orionsociety.org/pages/oo/gallery/index_gallery.html. It amazes me how one of the foundations of our historic and artistic community, the very people who are supposed to be supporting the creative and intellectual diversity of our planet, can be rotten as a groundfall apple in the core. Take a look at the pictures folks. Someday soon they may be all that is left.

Early Morning Musings

Sometimes the mornings be a drag. I sit here listening to The Weasel wheeze and whistle (she has a cold) like one of those breathing machine thingys on hospital TV shows that sits next to the bed playing it's sad song like a broken accordion while the seemingly comatose patient dozes to the sound of blips and beeps in the background. I'm just prying to some undecided god that she stays asleep.

At least she goes down well at night.

The wife and I started watching TV again for the first time in a month or so. After the baby goes down we sit on the couch and settle in for a wholesome dose what ever the reality TV driven airways has to offer. Last night we watched The West Wing. This used to be one of our favorites, witty dialogue tossed back and forth with the expertise of an Olympic badmitton, gold medal match. Last night we turned it off after 45 minutes and hit the sack. Had no clue what was going on anyways. Shows writing seems to have gone down the crapper anyhow.

So I'm just hoping the little one makes it till 7:15 before the day form hell begins. Here is the breakdown. Leave for work around 7:30 and slave till 3:00, after work meeting 3:15-4:30, drive to other work and get home around 9:15. Toughest day of the week by far. I already miss the family just thinking about it.

Too bummed to write more.

Ahh...Me time

Ahh. Morning! Alright so it's insanely early and I've been up since even earlier but this is me time. Get some work done, pet the dogs, listen to the baby monitor, all of the luxuries a fella can ask for. I listen as the planes fly overhead, about one every 5 minutes or so (we're not even anywhere near the airport)! The winter months are so strange. Go for a walk at night (in the dark) get up in the morning (in the dark). Since I'm indoors during the day I am feeling some what nocturnal as of late. Really nothing much to say this morning. Simply waiting for this Age of Ragnarok (Erik the Viking) to come to an end and for my day to begin.

Well...A really big mouse

Our house is old. With a new baby I'm constantly sneaking around the house when she is sleeping. I recall the words from The Night Before Christmas, "and no one was stirring, not even a mouse." Well that's not really the case here. I blockade the dog door, confine my activity to one room, and when necessary move around the house with such stealth that I would make a ninja green with envy. This of course is until my wife tells me to knock it off. She's right you know. If le babe never learns that small noises are trivial then how will we ever be able to adventure throughout the countryside let alone our abode like normal bumbling bipedal creatures again? So I squeak a little (just a little, I like walking like a ninja!)

tidbits

Most recently I’m a father. Prior experiences include many years of unsuccessful dating, followed by the discovery of true love. This led to multiple years of happy marriage. The adventure continues. I have experiences in both marine costal climates as well as the hot/cold mid- western schizophrenic biome. I teach and learn; simultaneously. I have a passion for the out of doors but tend to stay in an awful lot. Bicycles are fun; the fewer gears the better. Thai food goes down well and tastes even better with a fine beer, (anything tastes better with a fine beer really). I love the smell when it rains after a hot dry day. This is me.