Year: 2012

where is hello kitty???

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i asked bird what she wanted for christmas this year, she quickly replied with the following:

snowmobile, cash, laptop.

she got this look.

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i let that slide for a week and then asked her again what she wants for christmas yesterday.

she replied with the following:

moped or IPAD.

this time she got this look.

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“you do know you are not old enough to ride a moped by yourself right?” i asked the obviously 8-year-old.

the question did not faze her request.

where are the my little ponies? hello kitties? barbies?

bird has never asked for anything like this.

she came out of the womb a 20-year-old.

since she won’t budge, we have decided to give her this.

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and she will get it when we all live in the same universe that will also give her a snowmobile, moped, cash, laptop, and IPAD.

in other words.

never.

bring on the kitties.

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why i know i did at least one good thing in my life.

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as most of us feel, cleaning the bathroom is one of  the stages of hell.

for me, personally, it is the 9th stage.

when the hubby and i were dating, he promised me marital bliss by cleaning the bathrooms.

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if our marriage was based on that promise, marital bliss has not been achieved.

as i have been contemplating my 9th stage, a miracle has appeared within the last month.

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my little bird loves cleaning the bathroom.

she is 8 years old.

i plan i riding this miracle until it dries up.

and maybe buy her some rubber gloves.

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favorite child status for life is now securely in place.

things that don’t bring me comfort

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today, as i was in a public restroom where they serve food, i saw this sign.

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i understand the establishment might use this to make the consumer feel that they are on top of all things clean in making sure their employees sparkle.

but it does the opposite for me.

i think, “if they are hiring people who need a sign to remind them to wash their hands after using the toilet, maybe i am eating at the wrong place.”

 

thanksgiving break

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“let me get this straight,” bird asked incredulously, “the girls are in the kitchen doing all the work and the boys are just relaxing and watching TV?!”

“welcome to being a girl.” i said.

“i don’t like this one bit.” she replied.

“welcome to my life.”

one harsh life lesson down.

one billion to go.

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i got the sheet music to ‘we are young’ by fun.

the girls and i were totally rockin’ out and singing at the top of our lungs late one night when suddenly we heard a loud thump in a house that should have only had us as the occupants.

mass hysteria and screaming ensued.

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including myself.

bird, seeing no place to run but the wall right behind her immediately tried to go through it.

sadly, she possesses no such powers to move through walls.

to put it bluntly, she is no shadow cat.

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it ended badly.

and last, we have started to put up christmas decorations and this year the girls have wanted to help.

i like to hang christmas bulbs from the ceiling and that is the chore they wanted to do.

how much do i love my children?

with every bit of neurotic fiber in my body as i watched them clump them all together in one spot instead of spacing them throughout.

but now i have learned to be this:

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for now…….

the holiday was quiet this year with the big three up at their dad’s.

i missed them sorely.

how much?

i was even wanting to have to clean to toilet everyday because of bear’s enthusiastic peeing by the end.

now that is some missing.

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i got nothin’ for the title so i will just ramble to fill up space

stodmor tales from stodmor land , , , ,

“did the kids know what you were?” i asked bird after her halloween day at school.

“no, but the adults did.” she said.

she decided she wanted to be this dude:

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“you know him because i am obsessed with him.” i told her. “in fact, i love him so much i would marry him.” of course i was joking.

“but you already have a husband.” she said seriously.

“so? i can have two.”

“but you already have had two.”

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this is what the conversation did at that point as i came to the realization that my little bird finally grasps the full concept of divorce and that there was a husband before her dad.

another interesting conversation i had today.

“i am so glad you blend.” a woman said to me as i walked into the grocery store.

and blend i did, with different shades of i-want-it-baggy-and-comfy gray.

“i get so tired of people dressing in all different colors thinking they are a zoo.” she continued.

i thanked her for her compliment then watched her walk away………in her multi-colored tie-dyed shirt.

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i can’t help but wonder if she understood the irony.

dear mom and dad

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dear mom and dad,

i just wanted to let you know, gently, that your grandson, bear, has developed an obsession with a chipette.

specifically this one:

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we can only hope he is able to get a piece of the chipette empire.

though this may come as a shock, remember your granddaughter, queen, has an unusual obsession with chuck e.

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my children are attracted to rodents.

signing off with high hopes for your progeny,

your daughter.

debunking a myth

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i have spent the morning telling my three oldest to put on deodorant.

someone was stinking up a storm and my delicate nostrils were taking a beating.

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after all were properly deodorized, i could still smell the offending smell.

and why was that?

the offender was me.

you know that myth that a skunk smells its own stink first?

it actually blames everyone else and then secretly puts deodorant on never admitting any wrong doing.

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we’ve raised the level of awesomeness

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long ago, in an era far away, my sister came to visit.

on this visit, she decided to turn off bear’s t.v.

she not only turned off the t.v., she pushed the button so far into the t.v. it was never seen from again; it was like her finger was on steriods.

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i won’t name names, so we will just call this sister ‘jenn’.

since that ill-begotten day we have used the remote.

about 3 weeks ago the on/off button stopped working on the remote; the volume and channel button worked, just not the power switch.

“how to turn off the t.v.?” we wondered.

“no worries,” we said. “let’s just leave it on all the time.”

“carbon footprints?” you may ask.

“pashaw.” we say.

last night, while the hubby changed some DVD/VCR magic around, he inadvertently unplugged the TV that had not been turned off for approximately 21 days.

i think i heard the t.v. sigh.

“what now?!” we asked.

“let’s get a tooth pick and see of there is something stuck around the on/off button.” we decided.

shout out to toothpicks, those things do far more than just pick food out of your teeth.

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“wait? what if it is the batteries? maybe they are low.” we had our einstein moment while toothpicking the heck out of the remote.

guess what?

the on/off button works on the t.v.

guess what? batteries are magical. like little elves pushing the buttons for us on the inside of the remote.

guess what? it only took 3 weeks to come up with this.

guess what? our ‘A’ game just went up two notches.

booyah!!!!!!!!

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i have time tonight, so let’s just do two posts in one day

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fall is beautiful.

it makes people want to dress their family in matching clothes, go stand in some leaves, and smile with a sense of euphoria that makes one sigh.

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and then there is us.

this is our attempt at a family picture.

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can you guess which one is talking in every picture?

can you guess which one is pretending to read?

can you guess which one is trying to remove my hand?

and that, gentle reader, is why we have exactly one family picture on our wall.

a letter to the editor, who is also me, directed at the public

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dear people who have decided to procreate and have a say in the future generation,

i understand they are children.

i understand children will look at my children.

they are different.

different cannot help but be noticed.

different is good.

the problem starts when the same child decides to stare at my child with an open mouth, non-stop, walking backwards to continue staring.

the problem starts when you see them staring and do not stop it.

you see, my child has just as much right as your child to be in a store without being stared at.

since you were not inclined to explain to your child why one should not stare, i was forced to bend over until i got your child’s attention and then stare, at eye-level, at your child until your child ran into the back of you trying to get away.

see?

no one likes to be stared at.

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here’s a little reminder if you are ever in doubt what to teach your children:

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