Month: April 2012

i am a shameless braggart

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i passed my final test in math today.

3 semesters of math in one.

over 400 homework assignments.

i was 1 of 2 people to finish the pilot program on two campuses.

did i mention during this semester i coached chicka’s basketball team and started coaching her softball team?

did i mention i had to deal with another attempted TRO by the ex, trial preparation, and trial?

news paper route?

kids?

husband? (he is easy)(literally)

right now i am feeling so freakishly smart i plan on challenging stephen hawking to whatever universe he cares to discuss.

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i know this smart feeling will last exactly 3 more hours.

how do i know this?

that is when i will be helping my 4th grader with her math.

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don’t let the smiling kid fool you, it is wicked.

but until then my brain is so huge that my skull can barely contain it, sure i have a small head, but let’s not split hairs.

so good it is life changing

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i don’t know what made me buy these little magic pills.

maybe it was sleep deprivation.

maybe it was because i was in wal mart, unattended, at 5:30 am with no kids to distract me.

whatever the reason, they are a gift from God.

that’s right, these little babies.

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i could not remember the name so i had to go and look at the bag, which meant i had to grab three more to eat, which means i am crunching on some holy goodness right at this very type stroke.

these are so good that i love everyone after one bite.

ok, there are two i do not love.

what? don’t judge me, no one loves every one.

God you say?

remember the old testament?

that was book upon book of epic smack downs.

kind of like wrath of khan but a billion times worse.

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khan is such a snappy dresser.

so, if you do nothing else today, go and buy these hershey’s drops and contribute to world peace because of all the love you too will feel after one bite.

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this picture has nothing to do with this post, it simply made me giggle.

nothing like a quick captain james t. kirk pick-me-up to get the day off to a good start.

this is worth a two in one day posting…..really…..i’m not lying…….seriously…….why are you still doubting?

stodmor dealing with a diagnosis of a life long disability, raising autistic children, tales from stodmor land, the queen's kingdom , , , ,

as i mentioned before, we started queen on the IPAD with proloquo2go ( i still don’t understand why they made such a difficult name for the nonverbal group)

i also mentioned she is using it more and more.

today the following note was sent home from her tutor:

The Queen has Spoken

I made a board called “comment” for her to tell others about the books she likes to look at.  We walked through the board a few times then she said  “I like magazine” she opened it to the page with bikes and showed me “i love this page” When I tried to take the magazine she quickly said “mine” and snatched it out of my hands. In the end she said “book cool I love mine”

now more than a few amazing things are going on here: 1) you know i did not write this note by the usage of capital letters, my laziness does not allow capital letters unless under duress. 2)queen is rocking the IPAD!!! 3) she SAID 6 words today……SAID.

insert choir of angels singing here or mormon tabernacle choir, it all depends on your taste.

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she has been saying so much more lately, my personal favorite was when i told her the color of shirt she was wearing looked really good on her.

her reply?

“thank you.”

long live the queen.

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 i think i will file this post under “basically pure awesomeness.”

a fair and concise warning pertaining to left over easter candy

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dear children,

easter holiday is now over a week old which means all candy restrictions are off.

if i find that tupperware basket with any cadbury mini-eggs,

they…….are……..mine…….

a woman can only show so much restraint around hard- coated milk- chocolate- inside goodness and that restraint has a time limit.

one week.

sincerely,

your mother who may or may not be typing this with hard- coated -goodness stuck in her teeth.

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not a blog

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my dad says blogs drive him nuts.

he has reason, my blog has caused some problems.

but dad, don’t think of this as a blog, think of this as a love letter of appreciation and devotion to you, the creator (or part creator) of me, your masterpiece.

(this is my blog, i can make me the favorite and all blood relatives that disagree can make their arguments on their own blogs.)

since you live out-of-state, think of this as a word hug directly from your progeny living far away.

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dear dad,

you secretly love my blog, i know you do.

love,

your favorite.

the easter bunny needs a pick-me-up

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i have noticed the easter bunny getting lazier and lazier every year.

this year, this is all the easter bunny could muster.

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tupperware, it ain’t just for keeping food remarkably fresh. (is it just me or does this woman look like she is about to leave her husband for her tupperware bowl?)

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the easter bunny was amazingly accurate in the purchase of candy to fill said tupperware, it was exactly my favorite variety of goods.

obviously the easter bunny is getting smarter every year.

 

my day…..in a foam shell

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i asked two of my children (i promised no names or genders would be used in the telling of this tale) to bring me the cover off our superdee-duper bean bag.

“so, will some foam come out?” one child ran downstairs to ask.

“yes.” i told the child not really paying attention.

a few minutes later.

“exactly how much foam?”

“some.”

a few minutes later.

“all the foam?”

at this point i made eye contact and the body language of the messenger was screaming disaster.

at the same time the eye contact was made, the second child came down with the outer cover and hair completely covered in foam.

“i finally did it.” she gasped stumbling in.

at this point, the child who kept coming down with the foam questions ran like a person hitting the krispe kreme red light special.

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“thank you……….” i told the child with the foam hairstyle.

as i round the corner up the stairs my mouth dropped open and a ‘holy _ _ _ _’ plopped out.

why?

i suddenly was minus a giant bean bag.

Imageshoveling, unexpected help arriving, vacuuming all 3 floors, cleaning the stairs, the bath tub, and still finding pieces of foam all over, i have a bean bag again.

this, on top of the dog getting out and rolling in poo, the rickshaw front tire exploding in the middle of a ride with queen; not just exploding, but exploding with enough force to completely bend the metal guard over the tire, my left eye is twitching and my right eye is blinking slower than my left after today.

on an up note, queen decided she was going to wear the hubby’s sporty shoes all day. she started with the running shoes and ended with his basketball shoes…..all while carrying the dust pan she decided she needed.

bear, not to be outdone by queen, decided upon leaving the grocery store that his flip-flops, when prancing just the right way, sound exactly like horseshoes.

guess who pranced all the way to the car?

although this picture is blurry, it makes me laugh every time. bear decided he liked this as a hat.

Image why can’t we all be like queen and bear and not ever care what other people think?

the color of money

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‘we are having a school store and need to come up with things to make money.” chicka informed me as her and her friend were at the computer looking at products to sell to the 4th grade public.

“so far we have come up with 2 angry birds pillows for $34 that we will sell for $2 each.” both were very excited about it.

“don’t you need to make money at a store?” i asked.

“what do you mean?” she asked.

i want to be a kid a again.

“the goal of a store is to make money which means you would have to sell the angry birds for at least $18 dollars each.”

“oooohhhhhh…….” she said as reality bit her in the butt.

“don’t worry, i know just the website to look for things cheap.”

that’s right, i navigated her to the ultimate sell-by-the-dozen eden of oriental trading company where you can do things like this with no financial worries.

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i am pretty sure their eyes glazed over by the possibilities.

in the end they came to me with a list of magical things sold by the dozen that will make them wildly popular and rich at the school store.

“do i just put them in the cart like the computer says?” chicka asked.

“how much?” i asked

“$48” she said.

“are you going to pay me back with the money you earn from the store?” i asked.

“what money?” she was puzzled.

“the money that kids are bringing to buy your stuff.”

“it’s fake money mom, you know, brookside money.”

wait……..did you hear that?

that would be the screeching of the shopping cart tires the girls wanted to fill coming to a sudden halt.

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“chicka, we are not spending $48 on pretend money!!! you have got to take some of the things off your list.”

“how can you ask us to do this?!!! i can tell you right now the flashing teeth are not coming off.” she stormed off.

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as of right now negotiations are still undergoing, we think a mediator will need to be brought in to explain that no, i am not made of money and no, brookside money is not enough to compensate the emotional pain i would feel with the drainage of money from my bank account.

 

 

 

what ‘rooster’ really means

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yesterday we walked over to visit my friend fancy nancy who just moved back.

YAY!!!! (shout out to the nance.)

anyhoo, they have a rooster who rules the roost.

bear thought he would check this rooster out.

most people don’t realize that rooster is actually the devil in fowl form.

that’s right, el diablo, 666, demon, evil, fallen son………

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the rooster attacked, bear ran, the rooster tried to latch onto the bear’s behind when i came and wacked it upside the head with a piece of wood.

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the rooster looked like this, but with more teeth.

“scary rooster.” bear said laughing his head off while i chased the rooster.

he then proceeded to try to get the rooster to attack him so i would once again bring my big stick.

in fact, he was so pleased with his day’s adventures, that during his prayer last night he said “thank you for the scary rooster.”

now there’s a boy who can face down evil with only a stuffed animal and a mother waving a staff.

who does he think he is? a priest?