I am interrupting my series about temple visits to announce a very happy event – I am now grandmother to my fifth grandchild, and my very first granddaughter! Our little Lakshmi arrived exactly on her due date, proving that she takes after her grandmother who likes being organised and on time!
You know, I have long worshipped Goddess Lakshmi. When I was in my mid-twenties, my mother gave me a little notebook in which she had handwritten the 108 names of the Goddess. She asked me to recite them every day, but I didn’t – sorry Amma! Quite a few years later, it suddenly dawned on me that I should do it. I searched for the notebook but did not find it. Instead, I found the Lakshmi Ashtottaram, which I have recited almost every day thereafter.
Since then, our little family has prospered in many ways. I have always believed that it is the Goddess’s blessings and have thanked her constantly. It is true that both my husband and I had the fortune of being born in homes where food, shelter, healthcare and education were provided without hindrance. It is also true that we did not suffer from war or strife as we were growing up, unlike those poor children in Gaza or Ukraine now. We were both born with reasonable intelligence and strength in logical thinking, which helped us as we rode the wave of technology. None of this is any credit to us; it was given, a gift. We did work hard and took the opportunities which came our way. That, I can say, was our small contribution towards our own life. That we were given opportunities, and that our hard work bore fruit, that is what I have always been grateful for.
But it is only after having my grandchildren that I realised exactly what is the ‘kanaka dhara‘ (stream of gold) that my Goddess has given me! This love for the little ones that fills my heart so much that it overwhelms me, that is the indeed the true blessing I have received from Her. And when I thought my cup was full, my own little Lakshmi has arrived in our family! What joy!
To celebrate her arrival, here is a beautiful stuti (song of praise) by Muthuswami Dikshithar on the Goddess. It is especially meaningful to me because the kshetra is Srirangam, where my father’s parents lived. It is set to raga Mangala Kaishiki (the name of the raga itself is auspicious, isn’t it), a raga I’m not really familiar with. As I listen, I get strong flavours of Mayamalavagowla of which this raga is a janya. But I hear flavours of something else too, something I don’t quite have a grasp of. It is new, unfamiliar with familiar undertones, just like my little granddaughter whose nose reminds me of my daughter-in-law, her high forehead of my son, but where is that chin from? What a pleasure it is going to be to discover her and get to know her, just as it will be pleasure to get to know this raga!
To present this kriti, here is a rendering by Aishwarya Vidhya Raghunath, which I find particularly soothing. I hope you enjoy it too. By the way, what a fabulous music room she has!!!
पल्लवि श्री भार्गवी भद्रं मे दिशतु श्रीरङ्ग धामेश्वरी
अनुपल्लवि सौभाग्य लक्ष्मी सततं मामवतु सकल लोक जननी विष्णु मोहिनी
चरणम् मदन गुरु मानिनी मम मनसि तिष्ठतु मधुकर विजय मङ्गल* कैशिका निवसतु सदन मध्ये महा लक्ष्मी सदा विहरतु सामज हेम कुम्भ स्नापिता विजयतु
(मध्यम काल साहित्यम्) पद नयनानन कर नलिनी* परम पुरुष हरि प्रणयिनी वदन कमल गुरु गुह – धरणीश्वर नुत रङ्ग नाथ रमणी
* Please note that Sanskrit dictionaries do not use the letter ळ which was used in Vedic Sanskrit but not in Classical Sanskrit. However, Tamil speakers often pronounce some words with this ळ instead of ल. For correctness, I have used the grammarian spelling.
Transliteration
pallavi shrI bhArgavI bhadraM mE dishatu shrIranga dhamEshvarI
anupallavi saubhAgya lakshmI satatam mAmavatu sakala lOka jananI vishNu mOhinI
charaNam madana guru mAninI mama manasi tishThatu madhukara vijaya mangala kaishikA nivasatu sadana madhyE mahA lakshmI sadA viharatu sAmaja hEma kumbha snApitA vijayatu
(madhyama kAla sAhityam) pada nayanAnana kara nalinI parama purusha hari praNayinI vadana kamala guru guha – dharaNISvara nuta ranga nAtha ramaNI
Translation
pallavi O Eminent (indicated by honorific shrI) Lakshmi (bhArgavi, daughter of Sage Bhrigu), the Goddess (Ishwari) whose abode (dhAma) is Sriranga, grant (dishatu) me (mE) prosperity (bhadram)!
anupallavi O auspicious (saubhAgya) Lakshmi, the mother (jananI) of the whole (sakala) world (lOka), the one who fascinates (mohinI) Lord Vishnu! Always (satatam) protect (avatu-verb av) me (mAm)!
charaNam The one highly honoured (mAninI) by the father (guru – yes, guru can also mean father!) of Manmatha (madana), may she abide (tishThatu) in my (mama) heart (manasi-literally mind)! O One with an auspicious (mangaLa) head of hair (kaishikA) darker (implied by vijaya-which defeats) than a bumble-bee (madhukara)! May she reside (nivasatu) and always (sadA) enjoy herself (viharatu) in the centre (madhyE) of my home (sadana)! O Mahalakshmi, who is bathed by (snApita) by elephants (sAmaja) with golden (hEma) pitchers (kumbha), may she be victorious (vijayatu)!
O One with feet (pada), face (Anana), and hands (kara) like a lotus (nalinI)! O Beloved wife (praNayini) of the One who removes all obstacles (hari), the Supreme Being (parama purusha) Lord Vishnu! O One with a lotus-like (kamala) face (vadana)! O One who supports (dharaNI) Guruguha (signature of composer)! O One praised (nuta) by Lord Shiva (Ishvara)! O Wife (ramaNI) of Ranganatha (name of Lord Vishnu in Srirangam)!
Prelude This is a continuation of the travelogue I started with my last post. I am featuring kritis (compositions) related to the Kshetras (holy places) that I visited in my travels recently. In my last post, I left off after an early morning Darshan at Guruvayur, from where I continue now.
The Travelogue Part 2: Thiruvantapuram
I have enjoyed the pre-dawn visit to the temple; I like these early hours so very much! There is something about these pre-dawn hours which call to my soul. We leave Guruvayur after a good breakfast. I look out of the car window, as we cross one village after another. We see farming land only occasionally. The land is very lush. We see banana plantations, coconut palms, pineapple trees, date palms and so much other vegetation I do not quite recognise. I am not looking forward to this day; it is going to be a very long drive. We are off to Thiruvanantapuram. It is actually Thiru (sacred) Ananta (name of the snake on which Lord Vishnu reclines) Puram (abode). The British, who could not get their tongues to pronounce the name, called it Trivandrum but now it is back to what it should be.
I see on the map that Kalady is on the way, so I ask the driver to take us to visit the birthplace of Adi Shankara. Has there been any other philosopher who has left as great a mark on Hinduism? When I think of Shankaracharya’s achievements within such a short life span, it leaves me awestruck.
The driver takes us to the branch of Sringeri Mutt. I only find out later about the hexagonal temple and tower a short distance away. Sadly, we miss seeing it. The board outside the Mutt calls it Adi Shankara Janmabhoomi or place of birth. There is a celebration hall outside; I see than an upanyasam function is in progress. Why do I feel such a thrill at listening to Vedic chanting? Perhaps echoes of my past lives can be heard in that sound.
Inside the Mutt, there is some kind of pravachanam (religious discourse) in progress. We head towards the little temple within the hall. It has an interesting septagonal shape with the deities of the sapta matrikas. There are deities I recognise from the Devi Mahatmyam. I see Varahi, Kaumari etc. The main sannidhi is dedicated to Brahmani. I wonder why, is she considered more important? I hesitate to ask the priest who looks very busy.
There is a verandah at one end. A couple of young Vedic students are standing outside. I smile at them. They smile back but turn away. I would have liked to engage them in conversation, ask about their training maybe. Instead, I look out at the Periyar river in which a crocodile is said to have caught Shankara’s foot when he was just a boy. It was then that his mother gave him permission to become a renunciate. ‘Are there crocodiles now too?’ I wonder, planning to look it up. We leave the Mutt and turn towards the adjoining Krishna temple. It is past midday now and the shrine is closed. We stop at a bookshop near the parking to buy a copy of Shankaracharya’s Bhashyam (commentary) on the Gita for a friend. We buy a copy for ourselves too.
Back in the car, the road seems endless, and the going is very slow. I am not much of a foodie, so I don’t go on much about restaurants in my travelogues. But, as an exception, I would like to give a shout out to Sree Ananda Bhavans in Kottayam, where, for the princely sum of Rs. 190, we are served with an excellent, unlimited, very tasty vegetarian meal on banana leaf. The restaurant is clean, and the service is very good. Recommended.
Except for the stop for lunch, there is no relief from this endless drive. By the time we reach our hotel at Thiruvanandapuram, it is 7 pm. My back aches, making me a bit nervous. I hobble up to our room as my feet have swollen with the inactivity. Our hotel Vivanta, by Taj, is nice but looks a bit dated. I am so tired that I cannot even be bothered to eat. But I have to get the laundry organised as the dirty clothes have been piling up. Finally, I lie down and sleep deeply.
Next morning, I gingerly get off the bed. Thankfully, my back seems to have recovered. After a very nice breakfast, we head to the Padmanabhaswamy temple. In the street leading up to the temple, there is a cloakroom to leave our belongings. There is visible presence of very strong security, including armed police. The shops selling veshtis/dhotis are very busy; both men and women who are not suitably dressed are buying these to wrap around their waists. I have done my research; both my husband and I are attired appropriately. My little waterproof, transparent waist pouch is also very useful as bags are not allowed inside. We do not spot an official footwear-locker, so, like many others, we leave ours by the stairs.
We walk through the security check and right ahead there is a counter to buy tickets (Rs 500 each) for a paid special-darshan entry. The line is not long but it is run very inefficiently. The same man accepts payment, makes up a Puja plate, and adds tickets to them. As we watch, he runs out of flowers. He disappears for a while to source more flowers. A Gujarati gentleman in the queue with us quips ‘If it had been a Gujarati at the counter, we would have made a much better business of it‘! He is probably right!
Finally, we have our tickets and Puja plate. There are clear labels indicating the way to the special queue. I admire the many pillared hallway as we wait in line. The queues here are much better organised than in Guruvayur. Each queue has its own lane; there is no merging, no pushing and shoving. I see a disabled senior citizen leave his wheelchair with help from his family and struggle step-by-step to have his darshan. ‘What is this thing called faith?‘ I wonder ‘How does it hold strong for a lifetime even with no proof?‘. My heart feels the proof than no science will accept. But it seems to be sufficient for my faith.
Once inside the main hall, we have to climb a small flight of steps up to see the sanctum. The vigraham (consecrated representation of God) of Lord Vishnu is in the reclining form. It is huge. There are three doorways through which we have darshan. I wish I had studied images on the net before visiting the temple. I would then have known what to expect! I hadn’t.
I peer through the first doorway. It is dark inside, lit only by oil lamps. The vigraham is also dark, highlighted by gold decorations. I spot the feet just as the queue surges ahead. Through the second door I see the middle of the vigraham. I totally miss Brahma in a lotus arising from the navel. The priest takes our puja plates and asks for our names. When I give it, he announces it loudly to the Lord. Peering through the last doorway, I see just a huge hand glinting with golden ornaments. I realise later, on seeing images on the net, that I have totally missed the Shiva Linga under the hand. I also see part of the hooded serpent. I am puzzled. I am expecting to see a face. ‘I can’t see it‘ I whisper to my husband. ‘There, that’s the nose. See the outline?’ he points. ‘Ah, He is facing up, not towards us!‘ I whisper back. Satisfied by the nose and the hand, we step down the stairway and continue on to smaller shrines of Narasimha and Krishna. It is a beautiful, expansive temple. I wish we had spent more time. Temples are both a place of worship and a temple to art and architecture. My visit has been so focused on the worship aspect than I have paid scant heed to the rest.
The Kutharamalika Palace is close to the entrance of the temple. We recover our things from the cloakroom and head to see the Palace. When we buy tickets, we are told that we can only see it with a guide (included in the ticket price). We wait outside; soon there are enough people for the guide to show us around. The guide is knowledgeable, and his English is decent. He tells us that only a small part of the palace has been turned into a museum, the rest is just closed up. The cost of maintaining old palaces is exorbitant, no doubt. In some parts of India, old palaces have been converted to hotels to generate an income. Perhaps they should think of doing so here too.
The Palace has many objets d’art on display, as well as weapons from the armory, sculptures, paintings etc. I find it very interesting. The highlight for me is the room where Swathi Thirunal is said to have composed his music. There is also a collection of his musical instruments. I look out of the window for a few minutes in silence. ‘What would it have been like when the twang of the tanpura, and the heartbeat of the mridangam were echoing in this room?‘ I wonder. The sound waves have dissipated, these rooms have emptied, the kings of yore are gone, and the world has changed. Only we tourists are left, staring at empty rooms, and dreaming of music heard no more inside these walls.
Next, we wander up to the art museum in the neighboring building. It predominantly displays photographs of the royal family. Again, very interesting, especially the few photographs of musical stalwarts from yesteryears.
We get back to the hotel, have lunch and a short rest. In the late afternoon, we set out to see the famous Kovalam beach. I am so very disappointed! Nothing can fault the beauty of nature, of course. It is what we humans have done to it. There is trash everywhere, including a lot of plastic, on the beach. Why has such a popular place been kept in such a state? It is so sad to see.
Our second stop is the Aazhimala Shiva Temple. A recently made huge sculpture of Lord Shiva sits imposingly against the background of the vast ocean. He is sculpted with impressive muscle definition and amazing hair, with open eyes staring up into the sky.
There are smaller, colourful shrines next to sculpture of Lord Shiva. This temple is quite new; the setting is very charming.
Our last stop is the Attukal Bhagavathy Temple in Thiruvantapuram. I am glad to see this powerful Goddess, she is very beautiful. I understand that the temple holds the Guinness World Record of the largest gathering of women for a religious activity in a single day, attracting more than 2.5 million women for the Pongala festival. There are huge sheds outside, perhaps this is where the gathering occurs. The priest chats with us, saying that he had helped with a religious celebration at the Durga Temple in Melbourne (my home town), via Zoom! There are many impressive sculptures in this temple, and I wish I had the mental energy to spend more time here. But we are tired and after a short visit, we call it a day.
The Music Bhogindra Shayinam in RagaKuntala Varali has been in my to-do list for a long time! Finally, I am getting the perfect opportunity to feature it. Composed by Swathi Thirunal Rama Varma (1813-1846), the Maharaja of Travancore, it is in praise of the Sri Padmanabhaswamy and written probably in the very room that I had stood in wondering about reverberations of music from the past. Kuntala Varali has such positive, upbeat energy, don’t you think? The brisk pace in which the Charanam is sung adds to the positivity. Who better to present it than Prince Aswathi Thirunal Rama Varma, a member of the same Royal Family?
Translation Pallavi I meditate upon (kalayE) the eternal (shAshvata) Supreme Being (purusham), the bestower of (dAyinam) abundant (puru) well-being (kushala), who reclines (shAyinam) on the king of serpents (bhOgIndra:bhogin=serpent+indra=king).
Anupallavi I meditate upon (continuing from pallavi) Padmanabha (Vishnu, the lotus (padma)-naveled (nAbha) one) who is saluted respectfully (abhivandita) by immortals (amara) such as (implied) Brahma (vAgIsha-the Lord (Isha) of Saraswati (vAk)), Shiva (gaurIsha-the Lord (Isha) of Parvati (gaurI)), Indra (vAsava), etc (Adi) with their entourage (parivAra).
Charanam Impelled by (kalita) the prayers (nuti) of Divakara Muni (sanyAsi=sage, click here for legend associated with establishment of Padmanabhaswamy Temple) who enjoined/urged (vihita) for a form (implied) suitable (anuguNa) for worship (bhajana), you took (implied) this celebrated (mahitam), charming (sulalita) form (AkAra). You are (implied) surrounded by (pari as prefix) the shining lotus (sarOjvala) called (implied) Padmatirtha (name of temple pond) which destroys (hara) sins (kalusha) and removes (khandita) all (ashEsha) difficulties/danger (durita). You are (implied) praised by (vinuta) Agastya (kalasha-pot, udbhava-birthed) followed by (anvita) the great (mahA) Indra, and the king of (indra) the most excellent (vara) three-peaked (trikUTa) Malaya hills (achala). You are Padmanabha, who has appeared (lasitam) in the golden (kAnchana) temple (vimAna) constructed by (kalita) Martanda Varma of Vanchi (the old name for Travancore), the subduer (damana) of the wicked (khala).
Prelude: It has been just a couple of weeks since we returned from a trip to India. First, there was a grand celebration of a wedding in Bangalore then a joyful 70th birthday party in Kochi. After that, we went on a pilgrimage, but I hesitate to call it that for surely a pilgrimage needs to be done with a certain degree of hardship, don’t you think? So perhaps I shall just call it a trip to see temples! It’s been a bit over a year since my spinal surgery, so this was a kind of thanks to all the Gods. It was also a lets-get-prepared-for-a-tough-year trip as my husband is scheduled for a knee replacement in July. Consequently, I am starting a new series of posts featuring kshetra related kritis (compositions related to sacred places). It is also a travelogue of sorts. If you are uninterested in that, just jump to the bit about the music and the lyrics!
The Travelogue Part 1-Thrissur and Guruvayur
I step out of the car in Thrissur, very happy and excited to be on the road after such a long while. The light sprinkle of rain is cooling on my skin. I look at the entrance to the Vadukkunnathan Temple, imagining the row of elephants and milling crowds that I have seen in pictures of the Pooram festival. How unusual it looks compared to other temples I have seen in India!
I giggle as my husband struggles to tie his veshti/dhoti on top of his pants. Within a moment it is looking sadly lopsided! We enter and I am surprised at the equally unusual architecture within. The roof lines look quite amazing! The exquisite woodwork, the murals, the shrines, the expansive layout – it is all gorgeous! At the main garbhagRha (sanctum), I peer at the Shiva Linga, rather puzzled by its appearance. I read later that it is covered by years of abhishekam with ghee. I say my namaskarams to all the other deities, very pleased with this first temple visit of our pilgrimage.
We then drive a short distance to the Paramekkavu Bhagavathy temple, which is part of the Pooram festival as well. This is also in the beautiful Kerala style (I didn’t take pictures, sorry!). There are plenty of devotees even at mid-morning. I have a good darshan of the Devi then ask the priest for कुङ्कुम kungkuma (kumkum). He says something that I don’t quite understand. I am puzzled. Don’t they give kungkuma to everybody? I wait for a few minutes, hoping he has understood my request. Then I give up and hasten to the next deity. The rain is gathering momentum, I can’t linger. I bow to the deity of Shasta and look around for my husband. I can’t see him, so I wait for him to catch up.
The rain has now become a downpour. Monsoon is upon us. I watch the torrential rain with nostalgia, remembering rainy seasons from years past. There is something so special about monsoon rain, something joyous and life giving. You will think me ridiculous, but I am tearing up as I write this. I have missed so many monsoons! ‘One day‘, I am plotting to myself now, ‘I will drag my poor, unsuspecting husband to a resort surrounded by lush greenery and watch the monsoon rains for a week! ‘. At the temple, I hesitatingly ask a young woman if she would let me shelter under her umbrella. She smilingly agrees, hugging me close to her body, as we keep step across the courtyard. Bhagavathy comes in many shapes; this kind young woman is one.
My husband finally picks up his phone. He has been waiting for me where I had last seen him, near the priest who didn’t give me kungkuma. He triumphantly hands me a folded leaf – he has managed to wrangle some for me! I apply it to my forehead and his, asking for Her blessings.
We continue on to Guruvayur, with the heavy traffic limiting us to a slow pace. Finally, we arrive at the Hotel Guruvayur Darshan where our agent has booked a room on the 4th floor. Quite new, it is but a ten-minute walk to the temple. So very convenient! The in-house vegetarian restaurant, where we have a light lunch, is also very good. I am happy to recommend it to anyone who plans to visit Guruvayur.
As we had been warned beforehand by friends, we leave our phones and camera in the room before setting out to see the temple. It is about 3 pm. My husband wears his veshti/dhoti and a borrowed angavastram over his shorts. He is now the proud owner of a veshti-belt, which secures his sagging garment from mishaps! I am, of course, sari clad. My wallet and passport (which I never leave in a hotel room) are in a waterproof waist pouch, my husband has his in his pocket. I am mentioning these details hoping that such practical tips are useful to other travelers from afar.
The East Nada Street is buzzing with life. On either side of the street, there are shops selling religious artifacts, food, clothing etc. Thousands of people of all ages are thronging to see the temple. I see many pilgrims from far away parts of India, their colourful turbans or flaring ghagras giving them away.
Closer to the temple, there are long ‘caged’ lines on both sides. People seem to be waiting patiently, some even curling up to sleep. Music is playing from somewhere. I breathe deeply, trying to take in this amazing atmosphere.
This temple too is in the Kerala style of architecture. I look at the details with interest. The lamp-tower, the murals on the exterior walls, the roofs sloping in interesting patterns, the beautifully carved door – there is so much to see! Looking back as I write this blog, I think I was just too focused on the darshan, and therefore, missed out on many architectural details.
We deposit our footwear and find our way to the special darshan ticket counter. For a sum of Rs. 1000 each, we can shorten our wait time. I know these kinds of charges attract criticism, but I am glad for this. I would not have been physically able to endure the general queue. In this special darshan queue, there are but 20 or so people ahead of us. I pass time chatting with a young family standing behind me in the queue.
Finally, we are let into the प्राकार (prakAra), the open, outer courtyard surrounding the sanctum (no photos allowed inside). Almost immediately, we come upon a barricade. The lines are lost as the crowd mills around us. A bit taken aback, I ask a volunteer about what’s happening. The young man explains that we have to wait for the temple elephant to do its three circumambulations before we can go past. ‘When it is finished’ he points ‘go and queue up there’.
Soon, there is a loud fanfare using a strange instrument which looks like a curved long horn (I learn later that it is called a Kombu). The drumbeats join in. A priest steps out carrying a small vigraham. The elephant kneels and he hops on, balancing the murti in his hands. The procession starts, followed by a Bhajana Mandali singing ‘Hare Rama Hare Krishna‘. It is indeed a grand sight! I feel lucky to be witnessing it! As the elephant comes closer, I squint up to see the utsava murti (processional idol). All I can see is a shiny pyramid with something under it. I can’t actually make it out. I direct my prayers to the pyramid. My husband says later that he could see the face quite clearly. Back in the hotel, I look it up – I have been praying to the umbrella (photo from the net)!
They open the barriers, and the most undignified pushing and shoving starts. My husband is nervous about my surgically strengthened back, so he stands behind me to take the brunt of the push. We short people have it hard in these situations; all I see is a mass of heads around me until we are finally in front of the sannidhi. My hint to other shorties – hug to the right side of the queue as this will end up in the row closest to the sannidhi. In the few seconds that the pressure of the crowd behind me and the ushers in front of me allow, I try to make out the vigraha (a consecrated representation of God). I cannot actually see anything except the decorations. Again, my husband claims he saw Him well. ‘Tomorrow’, I tell myself, ‘I’ll have another go tomorrow morning’.
Later in the evening, we get our phones/cameras and go back to capture some memories. They are lighting the oil lamps as we walk up to the temple. The air is fragrant with the smell of jasmine.
There is an open-air stage performance of music; we stop to listen for a few minutes. If I had not been so tired, I would have sat there and let the music wash over me. But it has already been a long day and I need a lie-in, so we don’t linger.
Still, we walk along the outer wall in pradakshinam (circumambulation), admiring all the beautiful murals. A lady stops us and says ‘Are you looking for the seniors’ line? It is at the Western entrance‘. We ask the guards at the entrance for the special queue timing for next morning; it is 4:30 to 6:00 am. We shall be here.
The Next Morning:
It is 4:15 am. We walk briskly towards the temple. The sun has yet to rise. It is drizzling just a bit. The East Nada Street is well lit and there is plenty of movement. The temple opens at 3 am, and people line up from much earlier. We walk briskly to the now familiar Western entrance. We get through the security check and make our way to the queue.
Queue? People come in from behind, sidle up ahead and make a second parallel line or third, using up every inch of space. I try to bring forth my spiritual self, but instead, my annoyance grows by the minute. I fume at the people who came much after us and have now pushed their way ahead of us. It is humid; I feel like I am in a sauna. We wait for about 40 mins for our turn. Finally, they let us go forward. The force of humanity pushes me along. ‘My bhakti is so superficial’ I think despairingly, ‘Can it not survive even a bit of discomfort?’ Finally, we are in front of the garbhagRha. I stare intently, trying to make out the features of the vigraha. Before I can have a good go, I am shoved past. I am bewildered. Why am finding this so hard? ‘Guruvayurappa’ I say ‘I’m not sure if I saw you, but that frowning, squinting face in front of you? That was me! Hope you saw me!’. (Note: I saw this image online, not sure if it is indeed Guruvayurappan).
As we walk back to the hotel, we see many newlyweds in their gorgeous white and gold outfits. ‘The people of Kerala are blessed with more than their share of good looks’ I think admiringly. I enjoy looking at the beautiful sarees and jewellery of the wedding parties. I wish I had a woman friend to discuss the outfits, instead, I have my husband who is more interested in the ambulance stationed for emergencies! Sigh!
I am a bit sad that in spite of trying so hard, I did not really have a satisfying darshan. ‘I am not really deserving, I guess‘, I think despondently. Perhaps life will give me one more opportunity. Or not.
Today’s Music
Surely all Carnatic Music lovers have heard and enjoyed Guruvayur Appane Appan in Ritigowla! It is an easy choice for me. There was a time when I was obsessed with the raga and would listen to it in a loop as I did my daily walks; this song was in my playlist then. Ritigowla conveys a clear bhakti bhava (devotional mood) but also has a certain majesty, won’t you say? It suits the temple which radiates both majesty and holiness. To present this song, I have chosen a rendition by Vishnudev Namboothiri, the talented young vocalist from Kerala. I have had the pleasure of listening to him live; both his voice and traditional style appeal to me very much indeed.
Lyrics and Translation:
Composer: Ambujam Krishna Raga: Ritigowla Language: Tamil Kshetra: Guruvayur
பல்லவி குருவாயூர் அப்பனே அப்பன் – ஸ்ரீ கிருஷ்ணன்
அனுபல்லவி நாராயணா என நாவாற அழைப்போர்க்கு வரும் இடர் தவிர்த்து வாஞ்சையுடன் காக்கும்
சரணம் விழிகட்கமுதூட்டும் எழில் திருமேனி தழுவ கரம் துடிக்கும் பால திரு உருவம் முழு மதி முகம் திகழ் அருள் விழிச்சுடர்கள் அழைக்கும் அன்பர்க்கருளும் அடிமலர் இணையும்
(மத்தியமகால சாகித்யம்) முன்னம் யசோதை மைந்தனாய் வந்தவன் இன்று நமக்கிரங்கி இங்கு எழுந்தருளி பாலனாய் யுவனாய் பாலிக்கும் தைவமாய் பரவச நிலை காட்டும் பரமபுருஷன் என
Transliteration
pallavi guruvAyUr appanE appan – srI krishnan
anupallavi nArAyaNA ena nAvARa azhaippOrkku varum iDar tavirttu vAnchaiyuDan kAkkum
Pallavi The Lord of Guruvayur (guruvAyUr appan), Sri Krishna, is my only (implied by sentence structure) father (appan).
Anupallavi He is the one (implied) who affectionately (vAnchaiyuDan) protects (kAkkum) those who call (azhaippOrkku) Him as (ena) ‘Narayana!’ to the solace (ARa) of the tongue (nAvu), by dispelling (tavirttu) their (implied) coming (varum) afflictions/distress (iDar).
CharaNam With (implied) a beautiful (ezhil) sacred (tiru) body (mEni) which feeds (Uttum) nectar (amudu) to the eyes (vizhikku), in a sacred (tiru) childlike (bAla) form (uruvam) which makes one’s arms (karam) yearn (tuDikkum) to embrace (tazhuva), with a face (mugam) like the full (muzhu) moon (madi), eyes (vizhi) full (implied) of grace (aruL) like brilliant (tigazh) flames (chudargaL), He is the one (implied) who blesses (aruLum) those well-loved devotees (anbarkku) who call out to Him (azhaikkum) to seek (iNaiyum- literally unite with) His flower-like (malar) feet (aDi).
He is the one (implied) who came (vandavan) before (munnam) as Yashoda’s (yashOdai) son (maindanAy) and has now (inDRu) descended (irangi) and appeared/risen (ezhundu) here (ingu) as a blessing (aruLi) for us (nakammu). As an infant (bAlakanAy), as a youth (yuvanAy), as the God (deivamAy) who protects (pAlikkum), as (ena) the Supreme Being (paramapurushan) who can show (kATTum) us (implied) the state (nilai) of spiritual (implied) ecstasy/bliss (paravasha).
I opened my eyes slowly. My view of the world was strange, puzzling me for a moment. It registered soon that I was on the floor of the bathroom, face down. The tiles on the floor formed an interesting pattern from that angle. I had got up in the night to visit the bathroom, which is not unusual for me. I had checked my phone, it was about 2:40 am. I felt a bit unwell on the toilet seat and tried to hold on to the wall as darkness had swept over me. That didn’t work very well, it seems!
I got off the floor rather shakily and went to wash my hands. The face in the mirror scared me as one side was covered with blood. I tottered to my bed and called out weakly to my husband. ‘Help‘, I said ‘I had a fall!‘. He was in a bit of shock as he cleaned my face and hair for me, trying to find where the blood came from. He told me later that I looked like ‘Ma Kali!’. Apart from a deep cut on my lower lip, he couldn’t find anything else. He cleaned the pool of blood on the bathroom floor, then we both fell asleep.
A visit to my GP and myriad tests later, I have been cleared of any scary health concern. Except for a chipped tooth and a rather sore cheek, chin, and one finger, I am still in one piece. Probably just a drop in blood-pressure, my doctor guesses. I feel grateful to my Gods for having protected me from serious damage.
I ask myself, there was an ‘I‘ before my fall, and there was an ‘I‘ when I woke up, but where was the ‘I’ in between? How far away did the ‘I‘ go to not even feel the pain of the fall and wake up? And yet, when I woke up, there was a continuity of conscious experience. This is not a new thought. Last year, I had a serious health scare which ended up with spinal surgery. That was the same question I asked myself that first day after the surgery, my mind in a haze of pain, but still wondering about all the states of consciousness between life and death. I have listened to many lectures by experts in different streams of philosophy, talks by scientific people in neurology and psychology, and also by people who have had personal experiences of different states of consciousness. I have, as you may well have guessed, not come to any great ‘Aha‘ moment as yet!
Still, I wonder, and I ponder. Who am ‘I‘? Ramana Maharishi advised us to think on that, but frankly, just thinking seems to get me much of nowhere! The same question was answered by Adi Shankara in his Nirvana Shatkam hundreds of years ago, so instead of pondering blankly, I have been focusing on this stotram trying to understand something, anything. I know the words by heart, as I recite them every day. I know the meaning of the words too. But I am far from experiencing the words as a Truth. That may take quite a few births! Shankara Jayanti is on Sunday the 12th, so I have taken the opportunity to write about it in my blog today. I will rush to assure you that I know very little, and what little I know will definitely be riddled with errors, so take this only as the ruminations of the untutored!
This stotram by Shankaracharya is very profound; it is ‘Advaita‘ in a nutshell. I have translated it word for word (see footnote) and also given notes on the ideas and concepts from the shastras which the Acharya refers to. Please do read the footnote in detail if you would like a deeper understanding of the concepts. Here, I summarise for those who just want an idea of what is said.
There are 6 verses, each of 4 lines. This 4th line of each verse is the same and declares two things – one, that Shiva is ‘चिदानन्दरूप chidAnanda rUpa‘, the embodiment of Consciousness and Bliss and two, that ‘I‘ am ‘Shiva‘. This reflects the महावाक्य mahavakya from the Brihadaranyaka Upanishad ‘अहं ब्रह्मास्मि aham brahmAsmi’ or I am Brahman. A number of other mahavakyas say the same thing in essence.
The first five verses use the नेति नेति nEti nEti argument, a form of analysis which points out an inexpressible truth by negating what it is not. The last verse tries to point out what ‘I‘ is.
The first verse states that ‘I am not‘ and lists all processes of the brain and the physical world, implying that ‘I‘ cannot be found in these, ‘I‘ cannot be defined by these, ‘I‘ cannot be understood by these. So, in fact, this process of my trying to understand it is quite futile as I am limited by the processes of my brain!
The second verse states that ‘I am not‘ and lists all parts and processes of the body and the psyche.
The third verse states that ‘I have not‘ and lists all emotional states and values of life.
The fourth verse states that ‘I have not‘ and lists all religious ideas, practices and their goals.
The fifth verse states that ‘I have not‘ and lists all relationships and connections.
It is in the sixth verse that he defines what the ‘I‘, which is also ‘Shivam‘, is. The great Acharya declares that ‘I‘ is unchanging, formless, omnipresent, omniscient, and unattached.
Here is one of most beautiful renditions of Nirvana Shatkam available online. (please, it is NOT shatakam – shat is 6, but shaTHa has lots of negative meanings!) Pandit Jasraj has sung it so very beautifully. I hope you enjoy this as much as I do!
Footnote (Lyrics and Translation): Lyrics: Adi Shankaracharya Tuned by: Pandit Jasraj (I assume) Language: Sanskrit Raga: Darbari Kanada
निर्वाणषट्कम् nirvaNa shatkam
मनोबुद्ध्यहङ्कारचित्तानि नाहं न च श्रोत्र जिह्वे न च घ्राण नेत्रे। न च व्योम भूमिर्न तेजो न वायुः चिदानन्दरूपः शिवोऽहं शिवोऽहम् ॥१॥
manObuddhyahangkAra chittAni nAham na cha shrOtra jihvE na cha ghrANa nEtrE na cha vyOma bhUmirna tEjO na vAyuhu chidAnanda rUpah shivOham shivOham ॥1॥
I am not (nAham) defined by (implied) the mind (mana), intellect (buddhi), self-identity (ahangkAra) or memory (chitta), nor (na cha) by ears (shrOtra), tongue (jihva), nor by (na cha) nose (ghrANa) or eyes (nEtra), nor by (na cha) space (vyOma), earth (bhUmi), not (na) fire (tEja), nor (na) air (vAyuh). I am (aham) the embodiment (rUpah) of Consciousness (chitta) and Bliss (Ananda), I am Shiva, the Auspicious. Note 1: According to Vedanta, the अन्तःकरण antahkaraNa or consciousness has four functions, each of which is considered a tier and named as मनस् manas=mind-the thinker, बुद्धि buddhi=intellect-the analyser, अहङ्कार ahangkAra=self-identity or ego-self-awareness, चित्त chitta=memory-recalling. This is referred to in the first line of the verse. Note 2: The ज्ञानेन्द्रिय j~nAnEndriya are the five faculties of perception, namely hearing, touching, seeing, tasting and smelling. These are indicated by the second line of the verse. Note 3: The पञ्चभूत panchabhUta are the five basic elements, considered to be the building blocks of the universe. They are पृथ्वी pRthvI Earth, आप Apa Water, अग्नि agni Fire, वायु vAyu Air and आकाश AkAsha Space. This is referred to in the third line of the verse.
न च प्राणसंज्ञो न वै पञ्चवायुः न वा सप्तधातुर्न वा पञ्च कोश: । न वाक्पाणिपादौ न चोपस्थपायू चिदानन्दरूपः शिवोऽहं शिवोऽहम् ॥२॥
na cha prANasanj~nO na vai panchavAyuhu na vA saptadhAtur na vA pancha kOshaha na vAkpANipAdau na chOpasTHapAyU chidAnanda rUpah shivOham shivOham ॥2॥
And not (na cha – continuing from previous verse) the vital air (prANa) of consciousness (sanj~na), nor (na) indeed (vai) it’s five (pancha) component-airs (vAyuhu), nor (na va) the seven (sapta) fundamental tissues (dhAtu) of the body, nor (na vA) the five (pancha) sheaths (kOsha) of the body, not (na) speech (vAk), hand (pANi), feet (pAdau), and not (na cha) the reproductive organs (upastha) and the organs of excretion (payU). I am (aham) the embodiment (rUpah) of Consciousness (chitta) and Bliss (Ananda), I am Shiva, the Auspicious. Note 1: The प्राणpRANa or the vital airs in our body are five fold, namely प्राण, prANa-for inspiration and propulsion, अपान apAna for expiration and elimination, समान samAna for assimilation and consolidation, उदान udAna for expression and ascension, व्यान vyAna for pervasiveness. This is referred to in the first of the verse. Note 2: The सप्तधातु saptadhAtu or the seven fundamental tissues of the body are रस rasa-plasma, रक्त rakta-blood, specifically the hemoglobin, मांस mAmsa-muscular tissue, मेद mEda-adipose or fat tissue, अस्थि asTHi-bone, tendon and ligament tissues, मज्जा majjA-marrow, शुक्र shukra-reproductive tissues. This is indicated in the second line of the verse. Note 3: Vedanta says that our Atma is encased in five sheaths or the पञ्चकोश panchakOsha. They are अन्नमय कोश annamaya kOsha – the physical sheath, प्राणमय कोश prANamaya kOsha – the sheath of vital-energy, मनोमय कोश manOmaya kOsha – the sheath of the mind, विज्ञानमय कोश vigyAnamaya kOsha – the sheath of cognition, आनन्दमय कोश Anandamaya kOsha- the sheath of bliss. This is referred to in the second line of the verse. Note 4: कर्मेन्द्रिय Karmedriya are the five organs of action, namely, वाक vAka=Sounding/speaking, पाणि pANi=Hand, पाद pAda=Feet, उपस्थ upastha=Reproductive Organs and पायु pAyu=Organs of excretion. This is referred to in the third line of the verse.
न मे द्वेषरागौ न मे लोभमोहौ मदो नैव मे नैव मात्सर्यभावः । न धर्मो न चार्थो न कामो न मोक्षः चिदानन्दरूपः शिवोऽहं शिवोऽहम् ॥३॥
na mE dvEsharAgau na mE lObhamOhau madO naiva mE naiva mAtsaryabhAvaha na dharmO na chArthO na kAmO na mOkshaha chidAnanda rUpah shivOham shivOham ॥3॥
For me (mE) there is (implied) no (na) aversion (dvEsha) and passion (rAga), for me (mE) there is no (na) greed (lObha) and delusion (mOha), for me (mE) there is not even (naiva) pride (mada), nor (naiva=not even) a feeling (bhAvaha) of envy (mAtsarya). No (na) propriety of conduct/moral values (dharma) and not (na cha) prosperity/economic values (artha), not (na) pleasure/psychological values (kAma) not (na) liberation/spiritual values (mOksha). I am (aham) the embodiment (rUpah) of Consciousness (chitta) and Bliss (Ananda), I am Shiva, the Auspicious. Note 1: The mind is said to have six enemies – षड्रिपु shaDripu or अरिषड्वर्ग arishaDvarga, namely काम kAma=Desire, क्रोध krOdha=Anger, लोभ lObha=Greed, मोह mOha=delusion, मद mada=Pride, मात्सर्य mAtsarya=Pride. Though the words dvEsha and rAga are used instead of kAma and krOdha, I believe the shadripus are implied in the first two lines of the verse. Note 2: The four पुरुषार्थ purushArtha=Objects of human pursuit are धर्म dharma=Propriety of Conduct, अर्थ artha=Prosperity, काम kAma=Pleasure and मोक्ष moksha=Liberation. This is referred to in line three of the verse.
न पुण्यं न पापं न सौख्यं न दुःखं न मन्त्रो न तीर्थं न वेदा न यज्ञाः । अहं भोजनं नैव भोज्यं न भोक्ता चिदानन्दरूपः शिवोऽहं शिवोऽहम् ॥४॥
na puNyam na pApam na saukhyam na duhkham na mantrO na tIrtham na vEdA na yaj~nAhA aham bhOjanam naiva bhOjyam na bhOktA chidAnanda rUpah shivOham shivOham ॥4॥
For me there is (continuing from previous verse) no (na) virtue (puNya), nor (na) vice (pApa), no (na) welfare (saukhyam) nor (na) distress (duhkha), no (na) mantras (mantra), no (na) pilgrimages (tIrtha), no (na) Vedas, no (na) rituals of worship (yaj~nAhA). I am (aham) not at all (naiva) the experience (bhOjanam), the experienced (bhOjyam) nor (na) the experiencer (bhOktA). I am (aham) the embodiment (rUpah) of Consciousness (chitta) and Bliss (Ananda), I am Shiva, the Auspicious. Note 1: पुण्य pUNya=Virtue leads to सौख्य saukhya=Welfare. पाप pApa vice leads to दुःख duhkha=Distress. This is referred to in first line of the verse. Note 2: Worship may be done by chanting mantras, visiting places of worship in a pilgrimage, by studying the Vedas and/or by performing rituals of worship. I have no basis for this, but it seems to me that they may indicate different ways of sAdhana. Mantras for those following Raja yoga, visiting places of worship for those practicing Bhakti yoga, studying of the Vedas for those practicing Jnana yoga, and rituals for those who prefer the karma kanDa of the Vedas. This is my note on the second line of the verse. Note 3: With reference to the third line of the verse, I have come across these triads again and again in my studies of Vedanta like knowledge-knower-known, experience-experiencer-experienced and so on. Vedanta says that Brahman is beyond all these triads.
न मे मृत्यु शङ्का न मे जातिभेदः पिता नैव मे नैव माता न जन्मः। न बन्धुर्न मित्रं गुरुर्नैव शिष्यः चिदानन्दरूपः शिवोऽहं शिवोऽहम् ॥५॥
na mE mRtyu shankA na mE jAtibhEdaha pitA naiva mE naiva mAtA na janmaha na bandhurna mitram gururnaiva shishyaha chidAnanda rUpah shivOham shivOham ॥5॥
For me (mE) there is (implied) no (na) fear (shankA) of death (mRtyu), for me (mE) there is no (na) differences (bhEda) in rank/race (jAti). For me (mE) there is not even (naiva) a father (pitA), nor even (naiva) a mother (mAtA) and no (na) birth (janmaha), no (na) family (bandhu) no (na) friends (mitram), not even (naiva) a teacher (guru) or students (shishyaha). I am (aham) the embodiment (rUpah) of Consciousness (chitta) and Bliss (Ananda), I am Shiva, the Auspicious.
अहं निर्विकल्पो निराकाररूपो विभुत्वाच्च सर्वत्र सर्वेन्द्रियाणाम् । न चासङ्गतं नैव मुक्तिर्न बन्ध: (alt: सदा मे समत्व: न मुक्तिर्न बन्ध:) चिदानन्दरूपः शिवोऽहं शिवोऽहम् ॥६॥
aham nirvikalpO nirAkArarUpO vibhutvAchcha sarvatra sarvEndriyANAm na chAsangatam naiva muktirna bandhaha (alt: sadA mE samatvah na muktirna bandhaha) chidAnanda rUpah shivOham shivOham ॥6॥
I am (aham) unchanging (nirvikalpa), of incorporeal (nirAkAra) form (rUpa), and (cha) omnipresent (vibhutva) everywhere (sarvatra), in all (sarva) senses (indriyANAm). There is (implied) no (na cha) attachment (sangatam), not even (na cha) liberation (mukti) nor (na) bondage (bandhaha). [alt: For me there is always equanimity, neither liberation, nor bondage]. I am (aham) the embodiment (rUpah) of Consciousness (chitta) and Bliss (Ananda), I am Shiva, the Auspicious. Note 1: Line one points towards the nirguNa brahman, the Absolute without attributes. Note 2: Line two points to the Absolute being both omnipresent and omnipotent as the word vibhutva can mean both as per the dictionary. I think perhaps omniscience is indicated by being ‘in all senses’ as all our knowledge is sourced through senses.
नववर्षाभिनन्दनम्, புத்தாண்டு வாழ்த்துக்கள்! Ramanavami is just a few days away, so I convey my greetings for that occasion too! रामनवमी शुभाशयाः ! ராமநவமி வணக்கங்கள்! If you are lucky enough, perhaps you will get to hear a lot of live Carnatic Music at this time of the year. My ‘cultural’ immersion was last month.
March started with a concert by Sanjeev Abhyankar. I have adored his music ever since I chanced upon his videos some 10+ years back. So, it was very exciting for me to finally hear him live. Oh! What a wonderful, ecstatic experience it was! His voice is just out of the world! What mastery! Ah! I floated in a little cloud of perfect music for the few days following. It’s quite impossible to convey one’s experience of music or art to someone else, is it not? My experiences are a result of multiple factors – the acuity of my senses (or lack thereof), cultural heritage, understanding of the music, past experiences, frame of mind and so on. Sadly, music to my ears, finally, is music particular only to my ears. Yet, here I am, somehow trying to share my experience with you all!
Back to March, I also had the pleasure of listening to a series of lectures by the very popular Dushyant Sridhar – seven days on Srimad Bhagavatam. His knowledge is impressive, as is his memory. He has excellent presentation skills; the discourses are peppered with touches of humour and music too. It is easy listening and quite entertaining. Did I come away with a lot of new information? I don’t think so. The subject is a familiar one as I have heard a few Bhagavata Saptahams online. But I genuinely enjoyed rushing off every evening to listen to him. What I didn’t enjoy is seeing the rising pile of saris waiting to be ironed in my cupboard! Fellow NRI ladies will appreciate my pain….
Then it was தலைவர் Sanjay Subrahmanyan’s concert which was quite wonderful! He has such stage presence! It has been many years since I heard him live. I think his voice sounds the best it has ever been. His knowledge and skills are, of course, quite amazing. My heart and soul were musically replete by the end of the concert.
With this happy state of my heart, I have chosen a kriti for you in which Tyagaraja explains exactly what I feel! Inta Saukhyamani in Raga Kapigives such saukhyam! It is also my small comment on the furore currently raging in Carnatic Music circles. Tyagaraja says that – I paraphrase it here – Very few can relish the great, indescribable bliss which is the sweetness of Rama Nama mixed in with the nectar of music. Note – it clearly states how music is mixed in with devotion! I have been examining CM lyrics since I started this blog in January 2011. It is undisputably evident Carnatic Music is, in essence, Hindu devotional music. As a theist spiritual seeker, I consider listening to this music to be just as much of an act of devotion as going to a temple or performing puja. There is a ‘Places of Worship Act’ in India, so as to prohibit conversion of any place of worship and to maintain the religious character as it existed on the 15th August, 1947. Please, can we have a ‘Music of Worship Act’ too so as to stop the cultural misappropriation which seems to be happening here?
To present this music, I have chosen a rendition by P.Unnikrishnan whose soft and gentle voice is particularly suited to the gentility of Kapi, I think. I must say that most of the 10+ renditions I have listened to in the past few days were all good. There is something quite beautiful about this composition. I confess, I do have a tendency to listen to my favourite artists repeatedly (I heard 3 versions by KVN, my current addiction – do listen to him too. I should try and find one from the 1960’s, when he was younger.).
Footnote: Lyrics and Translation
Composer: Tyagaraja Raga: Kapi Language: Telugu Note- I do not speak Telugu; I have used various online resources for the lyrics and translation, in particlar the site Thyagaraja Vaibhavam.
Transliteration in Devanagari
पल्लवि इन्त सौख्यमनि ने जॆप्प जाल ऎन्तो एमो ऎवरिकि तॆलुसुनो
pallavi So great (inta) is this bliss/happiness (saukhyamu) that I (nE) an unable (jAla) to express it (jeppa)! Who (evariki) knows (telusunO) what (EmO) and how great (entO) it is?
anupallavi The bliss/happiness (impliedfrom pallavi) is known (telusunu) only to those (AdulakE) self-restrained people (dAnta) having innate (svAnta) compassion (karuNA) and love (prEma) for the spouse (kAnta) of sItA (=Lord Rama), otherwise (kAni) who knows what and how great it is? (from pallavi)
charaNam That bliss/happiness (implied) is known (telusunu) by Lord Shiva (shankaruniki) who consumes/enjoys (bhujinchE) the sugar-candy (kaNDa chakkera) called (anE) the supreme/precious (vara) name of Rama (rAma nAma) after mixing (mishramu jEsi) in (andu) the nectarine (sudhA) essence (rasa) of music (implied) made of notes (svara), melodic framework (rAga) and rhythm (laya).
I also quote the following translation from ‘Lines of Devotion’ by A.V.S.Sarma Pulished in 1954 What Happy Ecstasies are enjoyed by those Who chant the name of Rama nectar-like! All those that conquer self and love the Lord, Sita, and the great Siva, who combines sweet Ambrosia of Swara, Raga, Laya With Candy sugar of the name of Ram!
शिवरात्रि शुभाशयाः ! சிவராத்ரி வாழ்த்துக்கள்! Shivaratri Greetings! Prayers to the Lord to protect us always!
I have such a great affection for the Lord in his form of Nataraja, the Dancing Lord. What is it about this particular depiction of Shiva which fascinates me so? There is elegance and beauty in the form, but of course! I am sure that everyone will agree that the bronze-casts of Tamil Nadu are second to none. But there is more than that. That unperturbed face seems to be quite in opposition to the vigour of the Tandava, for surely the dance must be vigorous to make the hair fly so! On one side, the damaru beats time incessantly to remind us that the fire in his left hand is ready to destroy and regenerate, yet his right arm is in Abhaya mudra says, ‘fear not‘. His pose is elegant and perfectly balanced yet he stands on the unsteady back of the demon of ignorance, Apasmara. So many opposing factors coming together to make a wonderful whole! In my mind’s eyes, I picture His Tandava, the eternal dance which keeps this universe ticking, and I am filled with awe.
Curious about the origin of the word Tandava, I looked up a translation of the Natya Shastra to see if this 2000+ year old document says anything. I found references which say that Lord Shiva ‘invented’ dance forms and taught them to Tandu Muni. The Muni set them to a dance with instrumental music. That is the origin of the word Tandava – the dance as taught by Tandu. A random quote from the Natya Shastra which I liked very much: ‘Dance is occasioned by no specific need; it has come into use simply because it creates beauty‘ (Chapter 4, verse 267). Can that be said of Nataraja’s dance too? Does the universe go through its cycles of creation and destruction simply because it creates beauty?
I have featured many compositions devoted to Nataraja – Natanam Adinar, Kaalai Thookki, Adum Deivam, Aadi Kondar and Ananda Natanam Aduvar Thillai. Today I am pleased to offer one more song for the Dancing Lord. Sadananda Thandavam in RagaBahudariwas composed by Achyuta Dasar. Not knowing much about him, I did a bit of research. He was born in Polur, North Arcot district in 1850. His mother tongue was Telugu, but he also knew Tamil and Sanskrit very well. Though he was married, he was not interested in domestic life. Instead, he followed his calling in spirituality. Slowly, all worldly ties fell away and with the help of a guru, he reached the deep state of meditation called Nirvikalpa Samadhi in which he stayed for 8 days. He composed many songs based on his spiritual experiences. He achieved samadhi in 1902.
As his spiritual quest interested me very much, I was very keen on what he has to say in his lyrics. Not many people who reach the state of Nirvikalpa Samadhi hang around telling us of the experience! I struggled through the translation for indeed it was quite a difficult task. Please excuse the many errors which I have no doubt made! He says that, to reach Nirvikalpa samadhi, one goes beyond thought and thoughlessness. We all know that in meditation one tries to still one’s mind and go beyond thought. But what is the stage beyond even that? In the second charanam, he says that the true meaning of Vedanta is to reach a singular state of non-attachment. That is an interesting interpretation. The third charanam seems to imply that he had a vision of the Lord. I wonder if I’m reading it right…
I cannot but feature the musician whose voice pops up in my head whenever I think of this song! My father was a great fan of Madurai Mani Iyer and I have heard his renditions countless times in my childhood. A matter of nostalgia for me…
If you cannot see the above embedded video, here is a link to YouTube.
Here is a recent, very nicely rendered version by Sriranjani Santhanagopalan.
Footnote (Lyrics and Translation):
Composer: Achyuta Dasar Raga: Bahudari Language: Tamil
பல்லவி சதானந்த தாண்டவம் செய்யும் பாதா – வரம் தா தா- ஜகந்நாத
அனுபல்லவி சிதாகாசத்தில் (alt:சிதாகாரத்தில்/சிதாகாசத்திடை) அற்புதாகாரமாய் ஒளிர தாமுறை தெரிய சுதாம்ருதம் சோரிய
சரணம் 1 முக்தரும் சித்தரும் முநிவர்களும் மோத மாதவரும் மூவார்களும் நித்திரையாதிவிட்டு நினைப்பும் மறப்புங்கெட்டு நிர்விகல்பத்தை (நிருவிகற்பத்தை) நன்று மருவித் தனி நின்று
சரணம் 2 ஜாதி (alt:சாதி) சமய மதாசாரமென்னும் சழக்க கன்றனைத்திலும் சமமென்னும் நீதி விளங்கும்படி நிகழ்த்தும் நிகமமுடி நிஜப்பொருள் வெளியாகப் பசையாமிருனேக
சரணம் 3 தனு* மூன்று அதில் அவஸ்தைகள் மூன்றும் தாண்டிச் சந்தாய்ப் பெருந்தகை தோன்றும் தினகரன் அம்புலிக்கும் திவ்ய தேஜஸளிக்கும் சீரகண்ட பதமாய் நேரில் அச்சுதமாய்
Lyrics sourced from அத்வைத கீர்த்தனானந்தலஹரி (1995) published by Sri Semmangudi Srinivasier Golden Jubilee Trust, with minor variations.
Transliteration
pallavi sadAnanda tANDavam seyyum pAdA varam tA tA jagannAthA
O Lord (nAtha) of the Universe (jagan) whose feet (pAdA) perpetually (sadA) perform (seyyum) the dance (tANDavam) of bliss (Ananda), grant (tA) me (implied) a boon (varam)!
anupallavi Shining (oLira) as an amazing (arputa) form (AkAramai) in the space (AkAsam) of consciousness (chit), displaying (teriya) nobility (tAmurai-*1 below), pouring forth (soriya) the nectar (sudhA) of immortality (amRtam).
charaNam 1 The liberated (muktarum), yogis/sages who have acquired supernatural faculties (siddharum) and seers (munivarum), joyous (moda) ascetics (mAdavarum) and the celestials/Devas (mUvArgalum-literally, those who never age–*2 below), forsaking (vittu) sleep (niddirai) etc (Adi) and loosing (kettu) both (implied) thought (ninaippum) and thoughtlessness (maruppum-literally forgetfulness, but thoughtlessness matches better), stand (nindru) alone (tani) well-embracing (nandru maruvi) the state of Nirvikalpa Samadhi (nirvikalpattai– *3 below).
charaNam 2 O Lord (implied) who explains (nigazhttum), such that it is understood (viLangumpaDi), the truth/law (nIdi) of equality (samamennum) in all matters (anaittilum) which are insignificant (kanDRu) and useless (sazhakku) such as (implied) clan/race (jAti), current (samaya) religious practices (matAchAram) and explains such that (implied) the true (nija) meaning (poruL) of Vedanta (nigama-vEda, muDi-end or anta in Sanskrit) comes to light (veLiyAga) thus reaching (implied) the singular (Eka) state (iru, short for iruttal or existence) of non-attachment (pasaiyA).
charaNam 3 Having overcome (tANDi) the three (mUNDRu) bodies (tanu – *4 below) in (adil) their three (mUNDRum) states (avastaigaL -*5 below), the noble person (peruntagai) who gives (aLikkum) divine (divya) brilliance (tEjas) to the sun (dinakaran) and the moon (ambulikkum), appears (tONDRum) like a messenger (sandAi) of complete (akhanDa) excellence (sIr) and joy (padam), appearing (nEril) as the imperishable (achchutamAi).
*1: Though I could not find தாமுறை in the dictionary, Chat GPT assures me that it means it means nobility/honour/courage etc. I asked for quotations with தாமுறை and it listed a few. Check for yourself!
*2: The lyrics I consulted showed மூவர்கள், not மூவார்கள். I did some exploring as it did not fit well. mUvArgaL fits much better, so I have chosen this word instead. mUvargaL may indicate Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva if you wish to stay with that.
*3: Deepak Chopra’s site says that ‘Nirvikalpa Samadhi is a higher state of awareness where the ego and samskaras have been dissolved and only Consciousness remains. Patanjali says the material world has become like a shadow from which you are completely free. In Nirvikalpa Samadhi there is no mind as you know it—there is only infinite peace and bliss. Here nature’s dance stops, and the knower and the known become one. Here you enjoy a supremely divine, all-pervading, self-amorous ecstasy. You become the object of enjoyment, the enjoyer, and the enjoyment itself.‘.
*4: Hindu philosophy defines our bodies to be three-fold – the कारण शरीर (Causal body), सूक्ष्म शरीर (Subtle body) and the स्थूल शरीर (Gross body).
*5: Hindu philosophy talks of three अवस्था – states of being which are जाग्रत waking state, स्वप्न dream state and सुषुप्ति state of deep sleep. तुरीय -Turiya- meaning the 4th, is the state beyond these states.
Happy Saraswati Puja! For those South Indians wondering if they have read right, yes, indeed it is Vasanta Panchami (वसन्तपञ्चमी) which is celebrated as Saraswati Puja in many parts of India. After 42 years of being married to a Bengali, I happily celebrate Her twice a year! The community here celebrates this annually but on a smaller scale than Durga Puja. Saraswati Puja is the day when young children will be initiated into their first steps in learning.
Our family too has seen young ones take their first steps of education during this month of தை or मघ. I’m happy to say that my eldest grandson, who is five years old, has just started school! This is the start of his primary education which will continue until he finishes grade 6. We went with the family for his first induction into Prep in October. He clung like a koala to his mum, cried when asked to sit inside the class and ran out at the first opportunity! Since then, there were two more days of acclimatisation. When the school opened in the last week of January, he went proudly and happily, even refusing to take off his uniform after coming home! His first steps into formal education have begun. My prayers to the Goddess for his continued well-being.
Learning and the blessing of the Goddess comes in many ways, does it not. My youngest grandson, just 7 months old, has also taken his first steps (crawl!) away from home. He has had to learn to be taken care of by his grandparents! He has put up a good protest, refusing milk and sleep that first day, refusing to be put on the mat, flooding our home with his tears and wails. But he is coming around. He has mastered the skill of ‘swimming’ on the floor; at present I observe him trying to get up on his hands and knees. My prayers to the Goddess for his everlasting well-being.
The Goddess has had to re-train his Patti (grandmother) too. I am re-learning the demands of a little one, with two-hourly naps, three-hourly bottles, pureed solid feeds, burps which get stuck and cause such pain, the agony of teething, the smell of regurgitated milk, and his beautiful and watchful eyes following me everywhere! May I warn future grandparents that the routine is a killer at our age! But I’m so grateful for him; when he rests in my arms for comfort, my soul gets comfort too. My gratitude to the Goddess for giving me one more chance to learn.
Whether young or old, we all have to keep learning and that capacity to learn is the Goddess incarnate, I think. I pray that She will bless us to learn what we need to and bless us even more by giving us the opportunity to keep learning as long as we live. May She shine the light of knowledge in all our minds.
I was looking to feature an artist from Kerala. On searching, I came upon this wonderful rendition by Vechoor Harihara Subramania Iyer. I am quite ashamed to say that I have not heard this illustrious musician before. More learning to do! Wanting to know more about him, I found this tribute by Prince Rama Varma, perhaps you’ll like to read it too. The Raga Alapana starts at 13:01 and the Kriti at 36:32. Enjoy!
charaNam taruNa vArida nibha vENi dEvataru kisalayOpama pANi kalita varadAbhItimudrE kalyANi pUrNa sharadindu sama kAntE vANi suruchira nayana jitaiNi parama karuNArasa shishira vENi dEvi charaNagata jana bharaNa nipuNE paramAmRta madhura bhAshiNi
Translation pallavi Protect (ava) me (mAm) O Immeasurable One (amEyE), mother (janani) Saraswati (bhArati), wife (jAyE) of Brahma (one with the lotus (sarasija) seat (Asana))!
anupallavi O dweller (vAsE) on an incomparable (anupamita) lotus (kamalA)! Smiling (hasita) beautifully (chAru), you make (kRta) the jasmine (kunda) seem (implied) flavourless (nirAsa)! O Goddess (dEvi) implored (IDita) by the best of (vara) sages (muni) with spotless (vimala) conduct (charita)! O One full of (bharitE) an abundance (Ogha) of enchanting (mOhanIya) qualities (guNa)!
charaNam With braided hair (vENi) similar to (nibha) fresh (taruNa) rain-clouds (vArida), with hands (pANi) like (upama) sprouts (kisalaya) of a divine tree (dEvataru), furnished with (kalita) gestures (mudrE) of boon-giving (varada) and fearlessness (abhIti), O Auspicious One (kalyANi), bright (kAnta) as an autumnal (sharada) full-moon (pUrNa-indu), O Saraswati (vANi – name of Saraswati)! Your radiant (suruchira) eyes (nayana) are more beautiful (implied by jita=wins) that of an antelope (aiNi)! O most (parama) compassionate one (karuNA rasa) with the moon (shishira) in your braids (vENi)! O Goddess (dEvi) expert (nipuNE) in supporting (bharaNa) the people (jana) who have fallen at your feet (charaNagata)! O One who speaks (bhAshiNi) as sweetly (madhura) as the best (parama) nectar (amRta)!
I have been following the news about Ayodhya for quite some time. Now that it has reached its date for प्राण प्रतिष्ठा (prANa pratishTHA) when the विग्रह (vigraha) will be ceremoniously consecrated, the internet has been inundated with content on Ayodhya. It has all reached a feverish pitch now, hasn’t it! I have been spending more time on checking out these videos than I should, I confess. Well, I couldn’t let the moment pass without posting a suitable song to celebrate the occasion. So here I am, rather sooner than normal!
So, what have I learnt in the recent past? Quite a bit, actually. I am halfway through reading a book called The Battle for Rama, Case of the Temple at Ayodhya by Meenakshi Jain, published in 2017. The author gives many historical references to the जन्मस्थान (janmasthAna) from various sources, including Arabic, Persian, Urdu and European language manuscripts. They have all noted the devotion of Hindus and their worship, notwithstanding the presence of the Masjid. Babar, it seems, came to Ayodhya first on 2nd April, 934. His memoir resumes only in September; it is proposed that Babri Masjid was constructed during that period.
The first instance of a formal dispute was in 1822, where a note was submitted to the Faizabad Court. There is evidence of continuing dispute from then on, with riots breaking out in 1912, 1934 and the destructive one in 1992. In 1949, unnamed persons entered the Masjid and placed an idol of Sri Rama. What puzzles me is the claim that leftist Hindus sided with the Muslims, going so far as saying that Rama worship is an 18th-19th century phenomenon! I wonder, for those Hindus who spread such falsities, does political identity come before religious affiliation? That seems so contrary to what I feel!
The book also notes the archeological evidence, about which I had learnt earlier last year from an interview by K.K.Mohammed. This was very interesting; I recommend listening if you have the time. I still have to find books on the period before Babar as temples must have been constructed and re-constructed from ancient times. There are some references in this talk between Nityanand Misra and Ami Ganatra. I often listen to Nityanand Misra, just for the pleasure of listening to such pure and beautiful Hindi!
I am waffling on about this, aren’t I! When I think about all the temples which were destroyed, the conversions by Muslim and Christian rulers (in Goa especially) under torture, the insidious conversions by missionaries, the taking over of our holiest sites like Mathura by the Muslim rulers, the way our own ancient history has been coloured and changed to suit the Eurocentric worldview, and so on, I am so very saddened by all this history. Like many other Hindus, I have always had a very secular mindset. Our thinking is influenced by our scriptures which say things like:
इन्द्रं मित्रं वरुणमग्निमाहुरथो दिव्यः स सुपर्णो गरुत्मान् । एकं सद्विप्रा बहुधा वदन्त्यग्निं यमं मातरिश्वानमाहुः ॥ indram mitraṃ varuṇam agnim Ahur aTHO divyaḥ sa suparNO garutmAn | ekaṃ sad viprA bahudhA vadanti agniṃ yamam mAtarishvAnam Ahuḥ || They have styled (him, the Sun), Indra, Mitra, Varuṇa, Agni, and he is the celestial, well-winged Garutmat, for learned priests call one by many names as they speak of Agni, Yama, Mātariśvan. Rig Veda 1.164.46
ये यथा मां प्रपद्यन्ते तांस्तथैव भजाम्यहम् | मम वर्त्मानुवर्तन्ते मनुष्या: पार्थ सर्वश: || ye yathA mAm prapadyantE tAnstathaiva bhajAmyaham mama vartmAnuvartantE manuṣhyAḥ pArtha sarvashah O Arjuna! In whatsoever form one seeks Me, I reach him in that form, for all mankind are but following the paths I laid down for them. Bhagavat Gita, Chapter 4, Verse 11
I quote Shashi Tharoor “Tolerance, after all, implies that you have the truth, but will generously indulge another who does not; you will, in an act of tolerance, allow him the right to be wrong. Acceptance, on the other hand, implies that you have a truth but the other person may also have a truth; that you accept his truth and respect it, while expecting him to respect (and accept) your truth in turn. This practice of acceptance of difference—the idea that other ways of being and believing are equally valid—is central to Hinduism and the basis for India’s democratic culture.“. Herein lies the problem, I think. We assume that just as we respect their truth, others will respect ours. But that is anathema to Abrahamic religions, is it not. Their faith demands that ‘infidels’ be either converted or destroyed. If one keeps tolerating, finally there will be none left to do the tolerating! Yet, we are what we are. If we change this idea of tolerance and acceptance, we will no longer be following our faith. A dilemma.
But let us set all that aside and celebrate the new temple at Ayodhya with some music, shall we?
I have chosen this beautiful kriti by Tyagaraja in raga Yadukula Kambhoji to celebrate the day. It is no surprise that Tyagaraja, who had devoted his life to Lord Rama, celebrated Him every day (nityotsavam). The Utsava Sampradaya Kritis were used by Tyagaraja for his daily worship, from waking him up, welcoming him to his dais every morning, then admiring his form, celebrating his wedding with songs for every occasion, and songs for putting him to bed at night. These songs were not written for others to listen or admire; they were a very personal dialogue between a devotee and his Lord. Hecharikaga is the first of those kritis, which welcome Lord Rama with beautifully descriptive words. With the same words, let us welcome Rama to the new Ayodhya temple.
To present this song, I have chosen a rendition by the great Balamurali Krishna; I have had this CD from the nineties and have an affection for it.
Footnote (Lyrics and Translation):
Composer: Tyagaraja Raga: Yadukula Kambhoji Language: Telugu Note- I do not speak Telugu; I have used various online resources for the lyrics and translation.
Transliteration in Devangari
पल्लवि हॆच्चरिकगा रारा हे राम चन्द्र हॆच्चरिकगा रारा हे सुगुण सान्द्र
charaNam 3 ninu jUDa vachchu bhagini karambu chiluka manasu ranjilla nI mahimalanu paluka minu vAsulella virulanu chAla jiluka ghana tyAgarAju kanugona muddu guluka
Translation
pallavi O (hE) Lord rAmachandra! O (hE) Lord (implied) full of (sAndra) good qualities (suguNa)! Come (rArA) carefully (hechcharikagA)! [I think that perhaps hechcharika is ‘Hail’, equivalent to பராக்கு parAkku in Tamil, to call attention before the Lord enters. But most sources translate it as ‘carefully’ so I have followed suit]
anupallavi O begetter (anna) of the one with the having green (pachcha, implying sugar cane) bow (villu) (Note-Manmatha holds a sugar cane bow)! O protector (pAlita) of Indra (surEndra)!
chanaNam 1 With the lustre (kAnti) of the golden (kanaka mayamau) crown (makuTa) gleaming (merayaganu), with a pair (yugamu) of great (ghanamaina) ear ornaments (kuNDala) swaying (kadalaganu), with a pair (yugambu) of great (ghanamaina) anklets (nUpura) tinkling (ghallanu – making a sound like ‘ghall’), as Sanaka and others (Adulu), everyone (ella) exults (santasillaganu) on beholding (kani) you (implied) – come carefully.
charaNam 2 With necklaces (sarulu) of faultless (ANi) pearls (mutyAla) swinging (allalADaganu), with Brahma, the husband (pati) of Sarawati (vANi), and Indra (indrulu) praising (pogaDaganu) on both (iru-two) sides (varusa-rows), on (andu) the bejewelled (maNikya) steps (sOpAnamu), listening (vinuchu) to the gentle (mellaganu) sound (palkula) of the Veena, to our delight (vEDka chellaganu) – Come carefully.
charaNam 3 With the mind (manasu) delighting (ranjilla) in your (nI) glory (mahimalanu) spoken (paluka) by the parrot (chiluka) in the hand (karambu) of your sister (bhagini) who comes (vaccu) to see (jUDa) you (ninu), with all (ella) celestials (minu-heaven, vAsulu-dwelling) showering (jiluka) lots of (cAla) flowers (virulanu), so that this honoured (ghana) Tyagaraja may behold (kanugona) your beauty (muddu) spread (guluka–ooze) – Come carefully.
Note Before: I cannot write this post without mentioning how sad I am at the passing of O.S.Thyagarajan and Rashid Khan in recent weeks. The world of music has suffered a loss. I have only heard them online, not even once on a live stage, yet their passing has left me grieving. I am, at present, re-studying the Gita. I am told that death is no more than a change of clothes for the Atma. So why the grief? But there it is…and life goes on.
My very best wishes to those who celebrate Pongal / Makara Sankranti! May the Gods bless all of us with abundance!
Curious, I looked up a Tamil dictionary to what it says about Pongal. Here is what I read “Solar festival when the sun enters Capricorn and takes a northward course, being the first day of the month Tai, when poṅkal is prepared as an offering; சூரியன்மகரராசியிற்பிரவேசிக்கும்நாளானதைமாதமுதற்றேதியன்றுசூரியனைப்பூசித்துப்பொங்கல்நிவேதனஞ்செய்யும்திருவிழா”. This puzzled me a bit, because I thought Sun entered Capricorn on December 21st or thereabouts. Further reading confused me even more. Wiki says “Every year sidereal and tropical equinoxes slide by 50 seconds due to axial precession, giving birth to Ayanamsha and causing Makara Sankranti to slide further…….In 272 CE, Makara Sankranti was on 21 December. In 1000 CE, Makara Sankranti was on 31 December and now it falls on January 14. After 9000 years, Makara Sankranti will be in June.” My respects to anyone who understood that! Going back to the dictionary definition of Pongal, it also means “Fullness, abundance, excess, profusion; மிகுதி”. I assume that the act of allowing the pot to overflow when cooking Pongal signifies that?
Feeling ashamed of my ignorance after I wrote the above, I tried to educate myself a bit. A very tiny light switched on in my brain after listening to a lecture by Raj Vedam here. I know so little about all this! Have much to learn.
Wondering which song to feature, my thought went to this lovely composition on Annapurna who holds a pot filled with payasa-anna in one of her hands. What is Chakkarai-pongal but that? A little Googling brought up the information that Annapurna is also the Goddess of the Shaktipeeth in Kashi where she is called Vishalakshi, as named in this composition as well. The Annapurna Stotram, which is written by Adi Shankaracharya ,says “वामे स्वादुपयोधरा” i.e. holding delicious/sweet milk in her left hand. It seemed to me that a Goddess holding rice-payasam and responsible for plentitude in this world is perfect to pray to and sing about on this day!
I must rush to explain that there is no religious or cultural association of Annapurna with Pongal/Sankranti; it is purely my own flight of fancy!
I do like the gentleness of the Raga Sama, don’t you? I heard quite a few renditions of this song in preparation for this post. But as I am going through a mad-addiction-for-KVN phase, the rendition below sounded best to my ears. So go for it – pick up a nice bowl of Pongal, switch on the music and enjoy both on this auspicious day!
For an instrumental version, here is U.Srinivas on the Mandolin. How he made the instrument sing!
O GoddessAnnapurna! O wide-eyed (vishAla akshi) One! O Goddess (implied) of glances (kaTAkshi) which witness (sAkshi) the entire (akhila) universe (bhuvana)! Protect (raksha) me (implied)!
O Goddess (implied) who resides in (vihAriNi) the eminent (unnata) Kuzhikkarai (garta-tIra pit-shore, literal translation of Kuzhikkarai)! O Embodiment of Om (omkAriNi)! O Goddess (implied) who wards off (nivAriNi) difficulties (durita) etc (Adi)! O Queen (rAjni) of the one who is adorned with snakes (pannaga AbharaNa)! O Ancient-One (purANi)! O Shining-One (bhAsvari) with (implied) the Supreme (parama) God (Ishvara), the Lord (Ishvara) of the world (vishva) (Lord Shiva)!
O Goddess (implied) in whose hand (karE) is a gem-studded (mANikya) vessel (pAtra) with a golden (hEma) ladle (darvI) filled with (pUrita) rice pudding (pAyasa-anna)! O Goddess (implied) who is the best (-tara suffix) at protecting (rakshaNa) Manmatha (kAyaja – not sure of this) etc (Adi)! O Goddess who (implied) wears (dharE) clothes (ambara) with decorations (bhUshaNa) made of (maya suffix) gold (kAnchana)! O Supreme One (parE) worshipped by (sEvita) Brahma (tOyaja Asana, one who sits on a lotus) etc (Adi)! O Best One (varE) worshipped by (nuta) by Tumburu, Narada etc (Adi)! O Goddess who (implied) is skilled (chaturE) in providing (prada) liberation (mOksha) beyond (atIta) the three (traya) (possibly means wake, dream and sleep states or dharma, artha, kAma)! O One Respected by (sAdarE) by Guruguha (Kartikeya, also the composer’s signature) who is adorned with (shObhita) the three-words (tripada, meaning three-word mantra)!
Yet one more year is coming to a close. Has it been a good one for you? 2023 was a hard one for me. I clung to my faith for strength. I honestly don’t know how people without faith manage! Thankfully, I have made it safely to the end of this year with God’s blessings. I am sharing my story with you, my dear readers, in the hope that those with major health issues may take heart from it. It’s a long story; if you only want the music, just jump on to the end!
This post is about me and so is the picture. Taken in October 2023, in front of Ma Durga.
But first, a very Happy New Year to all of you! May the good Gods bless us all!
17 May 2023 I am aware of being aware. Nothing more. I hear some voices. They sound familiar. My daughter “Can she hear us?”. Then a stranger’s voice “Yes, speak to her, it will do her good“. My husband “Suja..Suja“. My daughter’s hand strokes my bare shoulder. Bare? Why? Her voice “You are okay“. Was I not? I say something it seems. Then I fade out.
Pain. A stranger’s gentle presence. An angel wipes my forehead. I can feel her kindness radiating through. A name – Daisy. More pain. The night comes and goes in a hazy fog. Did I exist?
18 May 2023 Very early in the morning my awareness drifts back, much stronger this time. Daisy is buzzing about. “Oh Good, you are awake!” she says “Drink some water“. She wipes me down, brushes my hair. I am like a child, reborn. I am told later that my son visits me, but I have no recollection.
The nursing shift changes. Lou is another angel. She says I have to sit up in a chair for a while. It is torturous even with all the drugs. My surgeon comes with reassuring words, so does the physician in charge. My husband stays the whole day. He seems weary. Yesterday he sat in the waiting area from 1 pm when they took me in to prep for surgery to 9 pm when they wheeled me out to ICU. There were some complications it seems. Waiting is hard.
That day they take me to Radiology. Two nurses help me down off the bed and stand me up for the X-Ray. For a few seconds I have to stand without support. The agony! A second X-Ray, sideways this time. I stand, my gown gaping open at the back, holding up a bag of urine, tubes draining at my feet, in so much pain that tears stream down my face of their own volition. A low point. After that, the world fades away into a haze. I have family visitors, but I can’t remember much. At some point they transfer me from ICU to a ward.
19 May 2023 I wake up at 3 am in pain. I have a button for self-medicating morphine, but it does not help. The nurse comes in with more heavy weight drugs. It is a day of pain. I do get up to go to the bathroom but afterwards I have uncontrollable shivers. My son comes in with his wife and baby. I try to put on a smiling face. I receive phone calls. But the pain is still acute. I just want to be left alone in my misery.
20 May 2023 A better day. The pain is much reduced. The physio comes and makes me walk to the door of the room and back; the effort drains me, and I fall asleep in exhaustion. My daughter comes in for a visit. Just one month left for her delivery. She looks as exhausted as I am!
I think back to the 4th of May when I stepped off the bed and almost doubled over with the excruciating pain down the back of my leg. “I’ll rest today” I think “I’ll be better tomorrow“. The next morning at 4 am I can’t feel my toes. I look at my husband silently. It doesn’t look good. I call the Nurse-on-Call service to ask what I should do. “You need to go Emergency at once” she says and calls the ambulance service for me. I stay in Emergency for the day and night; the medications don’t seem to solve the problem. They want to transfer me to a ward. My daughter, a doctor, is ready with a list of recommended spine surgeons. There is one at a nearby hospital and thankfully they have a bed for me. I see the surgeon; I like him. They take me for an MRI and then he comes to see me the next day. It’s not good news. He asks, “Surgery or Wheelchair?“. I choose surgery, of course. I go home armed with medications to wait for surgery, but every day is painfilled. That was the 6th of May.
So, today, on the 20th, I see a reduction in pain for the first time in over two weeks. I am grateful. I was very lucky with my surgeon. He is a bit abrupt but also kind. For the eight days I was in the hospital, he does not miss a single day in visiting me, often in scrubs straight after surgery. Blessings come in many guises; mine came in the competency of my surgeon and the care in his heart.
25 May 2023 I have made vast improvements in the last four days. I’m walking around the ward many times a day with a walker. I am taking care of my own hygiene needs, change of clothes etc. I’ve enjoyed visits from the family including my eldest grandson. I’m even enjoying my meals!
In the afternoon, an ambulance arrives to transfer me to a Rehab hospital. I remember the pain filled ambulance ride when I first came to the hospital. This ride is a breeze. I meet a physiotherapist and an occupational therapist; they set up a schedule for me. The ward Physician is a pain specialist. She is very good. The nursing care is equally good.
1 June 2023 Home once more! Oh I’m so glad! I am so much better! I’ve done all the exercises under the supervision of the physio in the gym in Rehab. I have walked and walked in the gym and around the ward; I am up to 4000 steps a day!
6 June 2023 My 4-year-old grandson comes for his day with us. I cook his lunch, glad to be in the kitchen again. He says, “It makes me happy to be with you Patti“. My heart overflows with love. I can’t yet sit up for more than 15-20 mins. It is easier to stand or walk. “Sleep well so you can get strong enough to play with me” are his instructions as he leaves that evening!
17 June 2023 My first walk in the neighbourhood. Just 2500 steps, not much. But outdoors. Yay!
26 June 2023 A day of celebration! My daughter has presented us with one more grandson, her 3rd child and my 4th grandson! We have her 4-and-a-half-year-old and the almost-2-year-old since yesterday. They will be here for 5 days. Our son and daughter-in-law help, and my son-in-law spends his time between the hospital and his children here. I am glad that I am well enough to cope with them. I’ve come a long way since my surgery.
28 Dec 2023 I have made much progress in the past six months. I am almost back to normal, but I do tire easily. I’ve managed to do quite a few 8 km walks but that leaves me worn out so I can’t do it often. I manage almost all the tasks I normally do at home. I’ve kept my mind strong and worked hard at getting better. However, I acknowledge that nothing really was or is in my control and I owe everything to Divine Grace. Thank you, God.
It was my faith which kept me strong this year. Every moment of every day, I am aware of the blessings that God has showered me with. To acknowledge this, I have chosen a Tyagaraja kriti with very apt lyrics. He says, “For those who happily happen to be in residence for even half a minute in Your town, You remove all weariness in their minds and give a lot of wealth, longevity, devotion and vigour/health“. The kriti refers to a particular town, but isn’t His town the one populated by His devotees? Then surely, I too am a resident! Indeed, Tyagaraja has said the truth; I have been blessed with all that he says. If longevity hasn’t been proven yet, no matter, for I am content with whatever it is. Set in the soothing Raga Sahana, the composer’s devotion is palpable across the centuries.
I have chosen a lovely rendition from an old favourite, T.N.Seshagopalan. Enjoy!
Footnote: Lyrics and Translation
Composer : Tyagaraja Raga: Sahana Kshetra:Kovur Sundareshwarar Temple Language: Telugu Please note that I do not speak Telugu and depend on various online references for word meanings. As I do not know the Telugu script, I am using Devanagari script.
charaNam AsachE ara nimishamu nI pura vAsamonara jEyu vAri madi vesaTalellanu tolaginchi dhana rAsulanAyuvunu bhUsura bhaktiyu tEjamunosagi bhuvanamandu kIrti kalga jEsE dAsa varada tyAgarAja hRdaya nivAsa chidvilAsa sundarEsha
Translation
Pallavi In this (I) world (vasudha), a God (daivamunu) like (vaNTi) you (nI) cannot be seen (kAnarA) anywhere (endu).
Anupallavi O Sundaresha of Kovur town (kOvUri) which has (kalgi) the good fortune (bhAvukamu) of thriving (vardhillu)! O Lord (Isha) of the Mountains (giri)!
Charanam For those who (implied) happily (AsachE – with desire) happen to (Onara-jEyu) be in residence (vAsamu) for even half a minute (ara nimishamu) in your (nI) town (pura), you (implied) remove (tolaginchi) all weariness (vEsaTalu ellanu) in their (vAri) minds (madi) and give (Osagi) a lot of (rAsulanu) wealth (dhana), longevity (Ayuvunu), devotion (bhaktiyu) and vigour/health (tEjamunu). For your (implied) devotees (dAsa), you give the boon (varada) of bringing about (kalga jEsE) fame (kIrti) in this (andu) world (bhuvanamu). O Lord Sundaresha who lives (nivAsa) in the heart (hRdaya) and shines (viLasa) in the consciousness (chit) of Tyagaraja!
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Music To My Ears 
