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tuesday later
Jan. 27th, 2026 11:29 am
Compartment.
I think the mindset for me is: stay in the present moment. Don't worry about the future. Or the past. Just take care of what's right in front of me, right now, right here.
Compartment.
I think the mindset for me is: stay in the present moment. Don't worry about the future. Or the past. Just take care of what's right in front of me, right now, right here.
-2F (-19C) right now. Nasty cold. Dave's gone ice fishing again. It's going to be a harder day for him than it was last week before the deep snow came. He pulls a sled with a one man tent on it out to the places where he drills the holes to fish through. I guess some spots are a 1/2 mile to a mile out on the lake. That's a long way to be dragging something. It's even hard for me to just walk in deep snow. It feels like every step is on shifting ground and I'm off balance. I love the look of winter, the snow and the gray tones but I'm not crazy about being cold. Dave's answer to that is always, "you have to dress for it". But I hate wearing long underwear under my pants. I feel like my legs are being held back from moving. It's not my legs anyway that are getting cold and hurting. It's my hands and ears. I do have super warm headgear now. I crocheted a combo scarf/hood recently that when I add it to a knit cap makes me pretty impervious to face and ear cold. Now I need to solve the hand problem. My thin everyday gloves with touchscreen fingertips don't really keep my hands that warm. When I wear my thick wool gloves my hands stay warm but I have to keep taking the gloves off if I want to take a picture with my phone. I put the gloves under my arm and then I forget and they fall into the snow and I have snow in my gloves! I hate that. So I ordered a pair of merino wool gloves with touch screen fingertips. They might get here today. That would be great.
*****
Just a start but I like it even at this stage. I was thinking about "compartment". Later I'll paint or draw things in those rectangles.
It's when stuff like this happens that I really enjoy painting.
I finished the bigger baby-friendly elephant yesterday. I personally like the smaller tighter version better. Dave says he likes the bigger one.
The plan today to have a pajama day, be housebound and make a smaller version of a rabbit. First though I want to post this, get the chicken chores done, feed the insiders and eat some breakfast.
*****
Just a start but I like it even at this stage. I was thinking about "compartment". Later I'll paint or draw things in those rectangles.
It's when stuff like this happens that I really enjoy painting.
I finished the bigger baby-friendly elephant yesterday. I personally like the smaller tighter version better. Dave says he likes the bigger one.
The plan today to have a pajama day, be housebound and make a smaller version of a rabbit. First though I want to post this, get the chicken chores done, feed the insiders and eat some breakfast.
monday later
Jan. 26th, 2026 04:25 pmI feel assaulted by memories of animal deaths and terrible things right now. The time of year, the month and the deep snow. On Jan 25 in 1983 my beloved Lady was put to sleep and that was also the day that Pat and I called it quits. I felt very bereft when I came home with Lady's body and found that Pat had moved his stuff out of our bedroom while I was at the vet's. All I could do was scream and kick the boxes of my stuff that he had packed up and brought to the bedroom that was going to start to be just mine. The ground was dry that year and we had already dug the grave for Lady, we knew her time was near. I laid her down by myself and started covering her with dirt. Nanny goat was nearby watching me crying and stepping on the grave to tamp the dirt down. I opened the gate and she came out and if you can believe it, she started to step up and down on the grave too as if she understood. The other memory I have was in January of 1964 when I as a little 10 year old was walking our dog Trixy down back. He started to have convulsions and collapsed while we were down over the hill. I can remember carrying him home through the deep snow, crying - how difficult it was. Yesterday slogging through the deep snow when we were walking to the creek with Andy took me back to that day. This new loss of a pet (Skye) is just one more sad memory to add to this season. Though Skye is still with us I know now with absolute certainty that there will be nothing to save her. After doing the ultrasound today they could see that her liver is too involved and there is no way to remove the mass. I could have put her to sleep today I suppose. I know some people would have and I don't see anything wrong with that but I couldn't. She had a good week last week getting lots of attention and enjoying her food and hopefully she'll have another good week or two, or three (?) to do that. When she can't enjoy those things it will be time.
I think I am different from some people in how attached I can get to animals, though I know there are a lot of other people who feel the same. When I was a little kid I can remember lying on the floor with Trixy and seeing how he had eyes the same as me, a mouth, a voice, thoughts, teeth and a tongue, ears, elbows, toes and fingers, fingernails, heels, knees, ribs and all the other things that I had too. I was an animal. We looked different but we were basically the same. It wasn't enough to realize that all humans are brothers but all animals are brothers too.
Anyway...
Onward.
I think I am different from some people in how attached I can get to animals, though I know there are a lot of other people who feel the same. When I was a little kid I can remember lying on the floor with Trixy and seeing how he had eyes the same as me, a mouth, a voice, thoughts, teeth and a tongue, ears, elbows, toes and fingers, fingernails, heels, knees, ribs and all the other things that I had too. I was an animal. We looked different but we were basically the same. It wasn't enough to realize that all humans are brothers but all animals are brothers too.
Anyway...
Onward.
monday - early
Jan. 26th, 2026 01:58 amWent to bed very early early last night and now here I am awake at 1 am.
I finished little Ellie yesterday. Now I'm working on a slightly larger one in green with sewn eyes that I can give to Rowan.
Dave and I walked Andy down to the creek yesterday afternoon. It's frozen over nearly all the way across. Three pictures: ( Read more... )
The vet changed Skye's ultrasound drop off time this morning from 8 to 10 because of the snow. She hasn't had anything to eat or drink since 8 pm last night because she'll be sedated for the ultrasound. I feel for her. I usually feed the indoor animals as soon as I get up, sometimes as early as 4 in the morning and she's always right there ready and waiting to eat. She'll be left out of feeding time and wondering why. Maybe I just won't feed anyone till after she's gone to the vet...
I finished little Ellie yesterday. Now I'm working on a slightly larger one in green with sewn eyes that I can give to Rowan.
Dave and I walked Andy down to the creek yesterday afternoon. It's frozen over nearly all the way across. Three pictures: ( Read more... )
The vet changed Skye's ultrasound drop off time this morning from 8 to 10 because of the snow. She hasn't had anything to eat or drink since 8 pm last night because she'll be sedated for the ultrasound. I feel for her. I usually feed the indoor animals as soon as I get up, sometimes as early as 4 in the morning and she's always right there ready and waiting to eat. She'll be left out of feeding time and wondering why. Maybe I just won't feed anyone till after she's gone to the vet...
The snow we've been waiting for has arrived. Very fine, sifting down. The little birds out front are busy. 8F. One thing about winter, after you experience below 0 anything above that doesn't seem that cold anymore. Though it is cold, yes, my hands froze when I went out to do chores. When it eventually gets above freezing again it will feel positively balmy.
Looking out the back window. I liked how the one flag was caught on vines so it was upside down.
"Life". The little birds want to live.
Next up: later this morning this will be a whole little elephant. It feels nice to not have to go anywhere today. I cancelled Sunday dinner this week so I don't need to cook but I cleaned house anyway yesterday so we can luxuriate in that. Dave did not catch any fish yesterday. They're just not biting right now. We'll probably take Andy for a walk down back later.
Ice Fishing. Dave left early this morning to go ice fishing. He has to wear so many layers that he's a stuffed sausage. His last layer is a pair of waterproof insulated bib overalls that he's patched many times and a down hunting coat. Under that he has goose down pants and goose down vest. And under that he has long underwear, tops and bottoms and regular underwear, tee shirt, long sleeved shirt and jeans. There are spikes attached to the bottom of his boots. He has his phone on a cord so if it slips out of his hands or pocket it can't fall down the hole in the ice. I guess that happens all the time to fishermen. It was -8F this morning. I can't imagine what the wind chill on the lake is like. I certainly have no desire to be outside much today. Not looking forward to going out in a few minutes to do the chicken chores. I just checked the wireless thermometer and it is 24F in the coop right beside the heater. Once I open the door so they can go out into their run it'll get colder in there even with the heater on.
I dreamed last night that Chloe and I had chickens and we were outfitting a coop for them. It ended up being a big shed in the backyard on the far side of a barn. You couldn't see it from the house. It was a big empty room with nothing in it except a christmas tree right in the middle of the room. The chickens tucked themselves into the branches and were roosting in there. There were places low down on the walls where boards were missing that the chickens could use to go in and out. We weren't worried about critters getting in to hurt the chickens because the chickens were so well hidden behind the christmas ornaments and lights that the raccoons, opossums and weasels wouldn't be able to find them (at least not in the dream).
friday later
Jan. 23rd, 2026 06:59 pm
Sun Bathing. Inspired by the sip and paint painting Chloe had us doing today. I really enjoy these paint and sip classes. Two whole hours to do nothing but dab paint around.
A cold and windy day today. Not fun to be outside. The snow held off so the roads were good driving to Oil City. My lips are chapped just from the little bit I was outside doing chicken chores and walking to the car and back. Now it's 0F.
Today would be my first husband Pat's birthday. He would be 76 if he lived. But he only got to 55. That seems so young to me now. He wanted to get to know his grandkids and moved back to PA the year before he died. He was here and at the hospital for Roswell's birth. On the day he died he took Sebastian (3) and Hazel (6) to the fireman's fair. So he got to have some of the experiences of being a grandfather. I could accept being a co-grandparent with him much easier than I could accept being a wife. That last year of his life we had a good relationship. I'm so glad of that.
*****
Last night I dreamed a dream where I was in a giant old city. It seemed like it was very long ago - the middle ages. The streets were narrow and the buildings were made from stone. I was a peasant. I had a little flock of chickens that I kept in a place in the country but I had to move them to the city for some reason. A man that I knew but didn't really trust had chickens too and moved them for me along with his. I was with my daughter and her toddler child. We were searching the city for where the chickens had been taken. I didn't know my way around at all and the man was leading us. He found a way to get to a lower level where we had to slide down a stained glass door that he had leaned against a wall. He did it first. I thought the glass might break and I jumped down without using the door as a slide. The toddler was afraid to slide down and we dangled her as far down as we could before we let her go. He caught her and she was okay. But after that I didn't want to follow the man anymore and went on my own to find the chickens. I had an address for the barn where they were kept but had no idea how to find the place. The streets and passageways were like a maze. Everything turned into a dead end. That's when I woke up. Failing to find my way through.
*****
Jan and I are going to paint and sip in Oil City today. Hopefully we'll get home before the winter storm that is predicted gets here or at least it won't be that bad at first. It's supposed to get very cold tonight.
Becoming.
*****
Last night I dreamed a dream where I was in a giant old city. It seemed like it was very long ago - the middle ages. The streets were narrow and the buildings were made from stone. I was a peasant. I had a little flock of chickens that I kept in a place in the country but I had to move them to the city for some reason. A man that I knew but didn't really trust had chickens too and moved them for me along with his. I was with my daughter and her toddler child. We were searching the city for where the chickens had been taken. I didn't know my way around at all and the man was leading us. He found a way to get to a lower level where we had to slide down a stained glass door that he had leaned against a wall. He did it first. I thought the glass might break and I jumped down without using the door as a slide. The toddler was afraid to slide down and we dangled her as far down as we could before we let her go. He caught her and she was okay. But after that I didn't want to follow the man anymore and went on my own to find the chickens. I had an address for the barn where they were kept but had no idea how to find the place. The streets and passageways were like a maze. Everything turned into a dead end. That's when I woke up. Failing to find my way through.
*****
Jan and I are going to paint and sip in Oil City today. Hopefully we'll get home before the winter storm that is predicted gets here or at least it won't be that bad at first. It's supposed to get very cold tonight.
Becoming.
thursday later
Jan. 22nd, 2026 04:21 pm
Comparing. I finished the little one today. The larger one on the left will be better for little Rowan but I did like making the smaller version with finer yarn. I like the safety eyes on the small one but that won't work for a little baby.
I don't have a project lined up except for making more amigurumis. An elephant will be next.
Passing time practicing "500 Miles" on the piano. That is such a beautiful song, and sad. I like sad slow songs.
Thinking:
I feel like I've fallen into a creative dry spell. I finished sewing the pin loom blanket together yesterday. It turned out nice. But I don't know what to do next. I woke up from a dream last night (now I can't remember the dream) but when I woke up I started to think about making jewelry from some of the wonderful cabochons that I bought just before I quit jewelry fabrication work. Boulder opals. Then I thought about the fact that I'd have to sell them after I made them. I hated "selling". And I can't see as well as I used to. It's a struggle to do fine work now - that's a factor too. Though I haven't tried any jewelry work since I got these newest glasses. Making money with the art and craft supplies that I already have would not be a bad thing. We live on very little, because we make very little in our retirement. Having a purpose (making some extra money) would be good. I'm wondering what is my purpose? I can see that being a friend to others is good. Being a wife and housekeeper is good (even though I'm a terrible housekeeper at least I do keep certain important things clean). Being there for family is good. Taking care of our animals is good. Expressing myself with art is good. Though I feel very uninspired at the moment. Maybe it's the January/winter doldrums. I can remember in past years feeling uninspired and empty this time of the year. I don't like it much.
Waiting for some inspiration...
I feel like I've fallen into a creative dry spell. I finished sewing the pin loom blanket together yesterday. It turned out nice. But I don't know what to do next. I woke up from a dream last night (now I can't remember the dream) but when I woke up I started to think about making jewelry from some of the wonderful cabochons that I bought just before I quit jewelry fabrication work. Boulder opals. Then I thought about the fact that I'd have to sell them after I made them. I hated "selling". And I can't see as well as I used to. It's a struggle to do fine work now - that's a factor too. Though I haven't tried any jewelry work since I got these newest glasses. Making money with the art and craft supplies that I already have would not be a bad thing. We live on very little, because we make very little in our retirement. Having a purpose (making some extra money) would be good. I'm wondering what is my purpose? I can see that being a friend to others is good. Being a wife and housekeeper is good (even though I'm a terrible housekeeper at least I do keep certain important things clean). Being there for family is good. Taking care of our animals is good. Expressing myself with art is good. Though I feel very uninspired at the moment. Maybe it's the January/winter doldrums. I can remember in past years feeling uninspired and empty this time of the year. I don't like it much.
Waiting for some inspiration...
monday later
Jan. 19th, 2026 11:05 am
Snow Squall. We were just having a snow squall when I looked out the window so I tried to recreate what it looked like. I probably should have made the lines more diagonal. The wind was blowing really hard. A whiteout. Now it's perfectly clear.
Skye now has an appointment next Monday for some kind of better defining x-ray or scan (I can not remember what it's called) that will tell us if she is a good candidate for surgery. She'll need to be sedated for the scan.
The Entity early this morning, with the reflection in the window of a mask I have hanging nearby.
Jules wants to help with Skye's vet bills and he wants me to see if an operation would help her. So later this morning I'm going to call the vet and check into that. See if that is something worth putting her through. Since she's been on a steroid her appetite is back and she's quit throwing up. Acting like her old self. Very skinny though.
Today is my usual day to hike with Candy but not sure I want to do that. With windchill it's going to be only in the single digits. Staying home and working on the pin loom blanket sounds better to me.
sunday later
Jan. 18th, 2026 05:15 pm
The Entity. Partly a blind drawing. As the sun was going down this evening it was lighting up some fluffy clouds. Watercolor first, black marker next (blind) and finished with ball point pen.
I was sitting at my writing table this morning and saw my necklaces in the mirror there. Those represent me as much as my face does. They never come off. The only exceptions are when I go in for a medical procedure and they say to take off all jewelry. Then I am truly naked. Last weekend I painted my nails while Alison was here. Nail polish is a rarity. I'd do it more often, all the time really because I like the look of it, if it didn't take so long to dry. I hate not being able to DO things while it dries. I usually mess up and get it smudged. I smudged it last weekend too. I like pearl white. So far in life that's the only color I've ever liked for my nails. In this pic there is a little bird visiting the feeder outside. I waited to take the pic till one landed.
Going shopping with Jules this morning - our usual bi-weekly walmart and giant eagle shopping. Onward - I need to fill that feeder in the picture above and feed the chickens before I go.
From a walk we took down back this afternoon. It was nice that the sun was peeking out today. That's the lake in the far distance. The temps were a little above freezing and it wasn't windy so it didn't feel nasty cold like yesterday.
Here I was standing in the same spot as the former photo but looking in a different direction. Little Red Rainy.
*****
We have been eating so much junk lately (cookies and sweets) that I just got sick of it all and went shopping today for the ingredients for red lentil and spinach soup, which I made for lunch. Served with whole grain seeded toast and a slice of cheddar cheese. It tasted so good! I'm pleased with myself for breaking away from the sweets. Now to stay away. And I got the ingredients for the next meal I want to make after the lentil soup is gone: macaroni tuna salad with chopped carrots, peas and hard boiled eggs.
After lunch I worked for a couple hours on sewing the blanket squares together while watching an enjoyable and little bit silly movie: The Last Word with Shirley MacLaine.
Yesterday late in the afternoon we took Andy for a walk down back. Rainy did not want to go and just stared at me when I asked her. It's funny to me because she seems like such a dumb little dog compared to Andy. I mistakenly think she isn't able to think and plan and make decisions that are right for her. But the wheels are turning in that little brain. She knew she wouldn't enjoy a walk. I didn't enjoy it myself at the end. My hands, especially the right one holding my walking stick, got uncomfortably, stingingly cold. A few pics of snow, the lake, and other views of things down back:( Read more... )
A couple days ago. The 3 are spending more time together on the couch.
Yesterday Rainy was there with Skye.
No real plans for my day except for sewing on the crib blanket. Another cold day. 14F.
A couple days ago. The 3 are spending more time together on the couch.
Yesterday Rainy was there with Skye.
No real plans for my day except for sewing on the crib blanket. Another cold day. 14F.
I'm taking it easy today. A "pajama day". It's turned cold (16F), windy, with off and on snow. I was up many hours of the night last night watching "Self Made" and sewing Rowan's crib blanket together. Progress below:
It'll probably end up being at least 39" by 52". I'll add a border and that will add an inch or two. But then it might shrink a bit after washing because it's cotton so we'll see.
Thank you for your well wishes for Skye. I feel like the situation has finally become real and we are on the home stretch now. Important decisions to be made and nuances in Skye's behavior to notice. It feels oppressive.
It'll probably end up being at least 39" by 52". I'll add a border and that will add an inch or two. But then it might shrink a bit after washing because it's cotton so we'll see.
Thank you for your well wishes for Skye. I feel like the situation has finally become real and we are on the home stretch now. Important decisions to be made and nuances in Skye's behavior to notice. It feels oppressive.
Yesterday's art-a-day. Blind drawing. Skye was on my mind a lot yesterday. She refused her breakfast and then went into hiding. Dave finally found her in our bedroom under a dresser behind a bunch of stuff in the afternoon. She wouldn't come out but I put some food in there with her and she did eat it. We took her to the vets this morning and they did x rays. Now we know how big the mass is. About the size of an apple or small orange. It's squeezing her organs - the liver and other organs and intestines. She lost another pound. Anyway. She seems better at the moment and we brought her home to hopefully to give her lots of love in her last days. She's on a steroid now. Once a week she'll get a B12 injection. The vet tech showed me how to give a subcutaneous injection and I did one on Skye myself before we left. I was surprised at how smoothly the needle went in. She goes in for a follow up in 10 days. And if at any time we think she is suffering too much from all this we can bring her in and put an end to it. It felt good to discuss that.
*****
Candy and I hiked at Two Mile this morning up on Black Gum Hill. An overcast and relatively warm day (mid 40's). Just as we were leaving it started to rain. So many times that seems to happen when I'm on a hike. It's dry the whole time but once the car is in sight the water drops start to fall. We drive away with rain pelting the car, feeling very lucky.
I caved and ordered the linocut printing stuff. Now I need to decide what I want to print. I'm thinking it needs to be a little more of a thought-out project than my usual art-a-day stuff.
