light becomes what it touches (part idek)
Jul. 1st, 2016 11:30 pm(Content notes: finance stress, trauma, work trauma, business stuff)
I think if Mia of ten, even five, years ago were to look at Mia as she is now, her first lightning-struck heartbeat would be astonishment.
This is where we are:
I am working on art full-time. This is my household's primary source of income; I'm a liegewoman (Vorkosigan-style!) for some very dear friends, doing odd jobs eg scheduling, booking, online research + art (Patreon + commissions + the odd sale), and that's what pays for our rent, our groceries, our utility bills, our loans. I never thought we'd be at this point, honestly. I'd begun to see, a little dimly, that yes, I could make art a career, I could do this long-term instead of as a passing thing, a sideline, something that was nice as a bonus but never was truly prioritized or taken seriously -- but I didn't think I'd be doing it this soon. I didn't think I'd be doing it with these stakes.
Cy has had several interviews with a few companies; she's made it to the final screening for a few jobs, which is incredibly awesome given the number of applicants for those positions (her latest one, she was top three out of over ninety!) -- and, as her job hunt has gone on, it's become clear that her trauma involving her previous, toxic job, and the decades-old trauma it's triggered in her with regard to old wounds, is far more serious than we thought it was. She's shut down completely at times, and broken down in frightening ways at others. I think it's not healthy for her to look for jobs at the moment, so-- we're not doing that. Because-- healing matters.
So instead: here I am, with my art, looking at my list of projects and trying not to be terrified, or crushed by the immense weight of the responsibility of providing for my family. Cy has very graciously stepped into the role of Likhain's business and administrative manager, so she's taking care of things like responding to clients, tracking my time, things like that-- we have goals! and sales targets! and future... growth plans! --Thinking of Likhain's business stuff has caused me a lot of stress and worry (I guess you'd say, it's good that I'm thinking of them, and I do like planning, but it does cost energy) so it's a huge relief to be able to shift that to someone who can carry those plans with the attention and sensibility they deserve. I have SO MANY IDEAS. But it's impossible to carry them around in my head and focus on inking/painting/drawing. There have been a few rough patches, getting used to this new structure, working with each other as business people! But it's been good.
Here is where I say that any and all commissions would be wonderfully timely if you're so inclined! Or if you've been thinking about it for a while, etc -- please consider getting in touch! There was a bit of time when I had no space/energy to reply to commission requests at all, and I felt swamped with way too much work, and I didn't want to seek out more work because there was already so much on my plate-- but I see now it wasn't that I had a lot of art projects, it was that I was trying to run an entire baby business on my own when that kind of thing takes herculean amounts of effort. I did not, in fact, have too many commissions -- quite the opposite! So, yes! Commissions! Tell friends and acquaintances! Look, I do nice things-- hang on, I have something here--
BAM. --Or, er, BAM, more properly -- wait for the GIF to load.
(That's the cover art for a wrap cover of volume 1 of the Myriad Lands anthology of fantasy short stories, forthcoming from Guardbridge Books.)
:D
Anyway, um, yes! Any pointing of people in my direction would be super appreciated! I also have an Etsy shop for my originals (which I'll be updating over the next few days with quite a few things) and an upcoming shop for prints, and also my Redbubble! I say this not to-- oh, I don't know, appeal to people's pity? beg for charity? --but I do believe I do good work; it may not be flawlessly polished or jawdroppingly perfect but it's rich in detail and color and intensity and love. And I want to believe that making a living from, er, making is a possible thing; I promise I'm going to work my hardest to make that happen.
(Another link: my Patreon, which is a bulwark of stability for me as it's a source of forecastable income, and to which I've been posting a lot of fun stuff; and my web design business will be going live soon! I do good typography, if I say so myself.)
(Okay, here I am again, wibbling about shilling-- I MAKE AWESOME STUFF PLEASE GO LOOK IF YOU LIKE. YOU ARE NOT OBLIGATED TO OF COURSE WE WILL STILL BE FRIENDS. HUGS HUGS. TEMMIE CUDDLES.)
As for the rest of our household -- I think they've been coping really well with the upheavals, considering they're so massive for me and Cy. I guess for pommas and Temmie, it must be "yay! mommy's home all the time!" instead of "oh no! mommy's crying because she's worried about our electricity bill!" --hah! But really, having Cy home all day, being surrounded by fluffballs -- it just illuminates the fact that this is what I want. This is my contentment. I really would love to build a life for us where I can work at home, and be on call for my family all the time -- where I can put the people (and fluffballs) I love first, and work at odd hours and have Temmie stepping all over my art supplies, and take a break from inking by cuddling Teddy, and be roused from work at 4:45pm on the dot by a frisking hungry Milo -- it's really gorgeous. Temmie has taken to trying to make friends with Teddy (she knows better than to try with Milo) and her efforts are hilarious, mostly because Teddy has No Fricking Idea what to do with this not-dog, not-cat (because surely she can't be a cat, otherwise he'd have to bark at her?) fluffy entity who keeps poking her nose at him when he's just trying to sleep. Milo is currently wearing a little shirt -- gray, with pink trim, and a pink skull and crossbones on -- because winter has been very cold. Teddy's winter coat has grown out and he is a huge ball of very puffy fluff, and he keeps getting distressed whenever we try to pick the clumpy bits out of his fur. Just.
--It's beautiful. I'm really happy. I'm... also really worried, of course, because I want this business to work and I want to work very hard and am scared I'll fail, the whole thing will fail, and my jerkbrain will get to laugh at me for daring to believe I could make a living out of art... But. But I want to try; I want this so much; I believe in it immensely. I think we could do something extraordinary.
I think if Mia of ten, even five, years ago were to look at Mia as she is now, her first lightning-struck heartbeat would be astonishment.
This is where we are:
I am working on art full-time. This is my household's primary source of income; I'm a liegewoman (Vorkosigan-style!) for some very dear friends, doing odd jobs eg scheduling, booking, online research + art (Patreon + commissions + the odd sale), and that's what pays for our rent, our groceries, our utility bills, our loans. I never thought we'd be at this point, honestly. I'd begun to see, a little dimly, that yes, I could make art a career, I could do this long-term instead of as a passing thing, a sideline, something that was nice as a bonus but never was truly prioritized or taken seriously -- but I didn't think I'd be doing it this soon. I didn't think I'd be doing it with these stakes.
Cy has had several interviews with a few companies; she's made it to the final screening for a few jobs, which is incredibly awesome given the number of applicants for those positions (her latest one, she was top three out of over ninety!) -- and, as her job hunt has gone on, it's become clear that her trauma involving her previous, toxic job, and the decades-old trauma it's triggered in her with regard to old wounds, is far more serious than we thought it was. She's shut down completely at times, and broken down in frightening ways at others. I think it's not healthy for her to look for jobs at the moment, so-- we're not doing that. Because-- healing matters.
So instead: here I am, with my art, looking at my list of projects and trying not to be terrified, or crushed by the immense weight of the responsibility of providing for my family. Cy has very graciously stepped into the role of Likhain's business and administrative manager, so she's taking care of things like responding to clients, tracking my time, things like that-- we have goals! and sales targets! and future... growth plans! --Thinking of Likhain's business stuff has caused me a lot of stress and worry (I guess you'd say, it's good that I'm thinking of them, and I do like planning, but it does cost energy) so it's a huge relief to be able to shift that to someone who can carry those plans with the attention and sensibility they deserve. I have SO MANY IDEAS. But it's impossible to carry them around in my head and focus on inking/painting/drawing. There have been a few rough patches, getting used to this new structure, working with each other as business people! But it's been good.
Here is where I say that any and all commissions would be wonderfully timely if you're so inclined! Or if you've been thinking about it for a while, etc -- please consider getting in touch! There was a bit of time when I had no space/energy to reply to commission requests at all, and I felt swamped with way too much work, and I didn't want to seek out more work because there was already so much on my plate-- but I see now it wasn't that I had a lot of art projects, it was that I was trying to run an entire baby business on my own when that kind of thing takes herculean amounts of effort. I did not, in fact, have too many commissions -- quite the opposite! So, yes! Commissions! Tell friends and acquaintances! Look, I do nice things-- hang on, I have something here--
BAM. --Or, er, BAM, more properly -- wait for the GIF to load.
(That's the cover art for a wrap cover of volume 1 of the Myriad Lands anthology of fantasy short stories, forthcoming from Guardbridge Books.)
:D
Anyway, um, yes! Any pointing of people in my direction would be super appreciated! I also have an Etsy shop for my originals (which I'll be updating over the next few days with quite a few things) and an upcoming shop for prints, and also my Redbubble! I say this not to-- oh, I don't know, appeal to people's pity? beg for charity? --but I do believe I do good work; it may not be flawlessly polished or jawdroppingly perfect but it's rich in detail and color and intensity and love. And I want to believe that making a living from, er, making is a possible thing; I promise I'm going to work my hardest to make that happen.
(Another link: my Patreon, which is a bulwark of stability for me as it's a source of forecastable income, and to which I've been posting a lot of fun stuff; and my web design business will be going live soon! I do good typography, if I say so myself.)
(Okay, here I am again, wibbling about shilling-- I MAKE AWESOME STUFF PLEASE GO LOOK IF YOU LIKE. YOU ARE NOT OBLIGATED TO OF COURSE WE WILL STILL BE FRIENDS. HUGS HUGS. TEMMIE CUDDLES.)
As for the rest of our household -- I think they've been coping really well with the upheavals, considering they're so massive for me and Cy. I guess for pommas and Temmie, it must be "yay! mommy's home all the time!" instead of "oh no! mommy's crying because she's worried about our electricity bill!" --hah! But really, having Cy home all day, being surrounded by fluffballs -- it just illuminates the fact that this is what I want. This is my contentment. I really would love to build a life for us where I can work at home, and be on call for my family all the time -- where I can put the people (and fluffballs) I love first, and work at odd hours and have Temmie stepping all over my art supplies, and take a break from inking by cuddling Teddy, and be roused from work at 4:45pm on the dot by a frisking hungry Milo -- it's really gorgeous. Temmie has taken to trying to make friends with Teddy (she knows better than to try with Milo) and her efforts are hilarious, mostly because Teddy has No Fricking Idea what to do with this not-dog, not-cat (because surely she can't be a cat, otherwise he'd have to bark at her?) fluffy entity who keeps poking her nose at him when he's just trying to sleep. Milo is currently wearing a little shirt -- gray, with pink trim, and a pink skull and crossbones on -- because winter has been very cold. Teddy's winter coat has grown out and he is a huge ball of very puffy fluff, and he keeps getting distressed whenever we try to pick the clumpy bits out of his fur. Just.
--It's beautiful. I'm really happy. I'm... also really worried, of course, because I want this business to work and I want to work very hard and am scared I'll fail, the whole thing will fail, and my jerkbrain will get to laugh at me for daring to believe I could make a living out of art... But. But I want to try; I want this so much; I believe in it immensely. I think we could do something extraordinary.
