a calm balance

if i had one word to describe 2011 - that would be 'calm'.

if i had some more... i would say: a year of accomplishments, some new challenges and peace.

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while i experienced some personal, family and friend-related emotional turmoil in 2006, 2007, 2009 and 2010, this year was calm.

nothing outstandingly good or bad happened. life was kind of relaxed. we had plans to follow, we had a definite need for peace and understanding and we did everything we had to to achieve that.

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highlights of 2011 include, but not limited to:

both my kids passed the entrance exam for a good high school with good marks (april)

the women's choir had two performances in finland (may)

the writers's group published an anthology in which i have two poems and two short stories (june)

i had my dental implants set for good good (late june)

a canoe adventure with friends (august)

i have a permanent job (as of december)

the novel i wrote passed round one in a rounds of selection, where the winners get published (december)

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at i type these lines with a fun evening ahead of us (we are planning to have lots of games this new year's eve, such as board games, activity and the like....) i also contemplate the role of blogging in my life.

the frequency of posts this year reflects the calmness of the year.

(i have not written that much poetry or short stories, either.)

but does any of us remember the era of memes? when a blogger asked like 5 questions, interviewed her/himself and by tagging someone else, passed the game along?

do bloggers still play it?

would you care to play it this time, again?

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this meme has the following questions:

1-

name at least three events of 2011 that made you feel proud, happy, or competent

2-

name at least three of your goals for 2012

3-

add anything to the list you want :)

and i'm tagging you.

shared storytelling

i've just learned from Jason's site that the blog i saw lighting fall has a shared storytelling event this Christmas. i think i'm already late with this story... the aim was to put it up by Christmas night. the two other conditions were the following:

1-there should be exactly one hundred words.

2-the story should definitely hit a certain factor of creepyness, but the writer is free to write anything.

so, here're my 100-words story. just like Paul's heart-warmingly beautiful piece, mine is based on reality, too.
---

Mom warned me on the corridor. Reaching over 90, Grandma has started to talk to her late husband.

Leaves clashed against the windowpanes while Mom walked towards the nurse.

The door was slightly open and I entered the room.

Grandma smiled with effort.

- You finally came to me.

She was unable to sit up, let alone walk. She has been in the same bed for three years.

I kneeled on the soft carpet.

- Grandpa’s waiting.

- You saw him too – her eyes gleaming in anticipation.

I nodded, turned my head away, but she was already watching something else.

former pm in jail

blah, he was only there for a couple of hours.

read THIS and come back for the truth :)

Gy.F. was unfortunately released shortly after being arrested. his calling his detention an 'absurdity' is a clear reference to 'absurdistan', a name liberal and cynical people often call our country. i think our former prime minister should have been arrested much earlier.

like back in 2006.

what happened in october 2006?

according to the article, people were rioting.

according to the liar (aka Gy.F.), the police was ordered to not harm the protestants.

(i already sense some incongruency here...)

and the fact is something else. as per usual when you are dealing with news from hungary... :(

today, there was about a 40-something crowd playing the democracy card in front of the building of the national parliament. the police made them go away by courting them away.

some of them were taken to jail for a couple of hours.

and that is all.

back in 2006, hundreds of onlookers and peaceful protestors, including the elderly, were abused by the police. water bombs, gas sprays, whatever. there were some serious injuries, like the loss of eyesight. i think i did posted about it. i am still quite outraged about it.

today these young what-not-else-the-world-is-ours liberal politicians, chain themselves to each other and the police guides them away.

and voila, our former pm appears, joins the party to place just another hit on his opposite, Orbán.

updated ?

why?
i was so happy with the former type of settings.
i kept receiving messages about the *new*, *updated version* of blogger.
with some misbelief, i kept saying no.
the new version was not installed.
i was kind of happy.
until this very day, when the usual settings disappeared.
i was FORCED to try this new version - and this is just exactly how the system takes control.
blah.
i wish i had the chance...
no.
i'm already eaten.
:(

hiking near the capital

these photos were taken on 6 november in the buda mountains. the exact location is called 'szenasok', meaning 'hay fields' because the slopes were used for producing and collecting animal fodder.

it is within a one hour ride by car from budapest.

join us in this virtual tour and enjoy the photos!

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'intelligent people never litter, all the others are not allowed to'

a great view. you can see the limestone.
a lizzard. sorry for the quality.
juniper berries. they taste delicious. i only ate two, just in case ;)
boys enjoying fighting. they never seem tired of playing swordsmen with sticks. they pretend to attack and defend their imaginary castles. both these boys will turn 15 this december and next february. i'm so glad and thankful they have not lost their interest in playing normal, non-virtual games like real fighting.
on the way home. i'm wearing the green jacket that my son used to wear last year. now my son has gone larger than i. that's also great: i have a new jacket, just free of charge :)

my son and his friend with his dog. i love this phot very much.
my daughter walks in a valley and in this final picture, she makes a message out of stones. it reads 'we were here'.

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a joke

the following joke is translated from hungarian. we usually make jokes about policemen. in the jokes, policemen are dumb.

that's all you need to know to get the joke :)

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have you heard about the policeman, who dug two holes in the ground?

he acted so, because the first hole was not deep enough.

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as for NaNo 2011

i call it quits. it is official.

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for many reasons:

1-lack of strong drive to write the story. feeling unprepared.

2-being excited about possible new jobs

3-being occupied by some important tasks around 'the opening of the season'

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so, i'm moving on.

which is to imply that i'm gathering new elements, analyzing experiments and emotions from the past - all these will later be incorporated into my story.

as for a working title, i am thinking about Lunae Saturni, latin for Moons of Saturnus :)

i wish to connect/relate events and/or people in the story to certain different moons. i fancy about getting information about the celestial objects and find relation to certain issues/persons/plotlines within my story.

i think it sounds nice and may, yes, may turn out great in writing, provided that the writing is good. :)

someone shoot NaNo

i have not written a word, my word count is at zero.

staying with the post-apo story (see the post below), i have made some outlines, though.

so far i have a few characters and the basic story-line sketched.

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thing is there is some interest toward the novel i wrote during NaNo 2010 and i think i should turn my free time to that project.

if i have time for writing, copper moon is on the top of my priority list.

on the other hand, i am not a full time writer.

NaNo questions :)

it happened just a couple of hours after having lamented on my other English blog on the lack of ideas....
i had to take a train and then had to walk 30 minutes...
and as i was watching the signs of autumn around me....
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i was asking myself the following:
Q1-
why do i find my idea for NaNo'11 somewhat boring?
(a post-apocalyptic half-romance, half-realistic story centered around a woman who has nearly lost everything but her faith?)
is it, and/or the setting truly boring?
do you feel it overrepresented/overshared in/by movies/modern literature?
what is you opinion?
2-
can i come up with something i, the writer-to-be like?
-
-
answers to question 1 are kindly waited/appreciated among the comments of this post, thank you very much :)
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one potential answer to question 2 was this: whoa, yes, and i started scribbling frantically on the street, not really caring about the passers-by. mind you there were not many of them, you see, it was a bit raining :) :)
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so i have this other idea: it's about a half human, half other-wordly creature, and their species is about to invade the earth.
what dou you think about it?

green tomato jam

i had the chance to taste the new jam we made this last Sunday.

the ingredients, in receding order of their respective weight are: green tomatoes, sugar, organic orange peel.

we also used a small bottle of blackberry jam, home made in 2010.

nothing else.

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the taste and texture of he jam is quite like that of a fig marmelade.

tangy and sweet.

suggested use: with yougurt, or cream.

serve chilled.

nomm-nomm!

a five minute rush

- the body was not found.

- hmmm, uhm, yeah.

- neither was the weapon.

- uhmmm.

- how can you possibly eat in a situation like this?

- see, this is the last bit of my salad.

- there were bloodprints all over the carpet. over the furniture. over the mirror.

- uhm, i saw that one.

- the family had to move out.

- hmmmm.

- you said you were going to finish your salad.

- mmm.

- over the mirror, on the door and up on the ceiling.

- mmm, fine.

- and the patterns...

- what about them?

- they read: go away.

- you mean the blood?

- all over the house.

- the family did go away, right?

- so?

- it is over.

- this is not the solution.

- no, this is another piece of toast.

- you are horrible!

the job i didn't get

was selling organic produce in a neat organic shop. the shop is located right in the middle of the city, within no kidding! - one minute walk from the high school my kids attend.

the lady who works there is an old friend of mine, and they had a grant to support the paycheck.

the reason i was rejected: the grant was set for someone above 50 years of age.

i wanted this job so very much.

duh.

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a short break

shortly after my fifth (is it the sixth???) bloggiversary, i'm taking a short break.

don't be afraid, i'm not going very far.

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on Saturday for once, i'm going on a one-day trip with my daughter to the Dobsi.na ice cave - it's worth to take a look HERE.

i found the trip via a newsletter i receive from an online hiking group i have recently joined. their main profile are inland trips and trips to countries around Hungary. this one trip aims at an interesting cave up north where Hungary's Uplands are. now they belong to a country that is younger than me.

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for a couple of days more, we are going to have quite a mess in the house.

beginning Monday, we are going to have the old oven renovated in the living room/bedroom.

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also, as the kids are getting older the need to have a separate room emerged. it is not easy as we have only four rooms.

let me break it down for you.

room 1.

the newest one, where a new oven was built this August. see the photo attached.

room 2.

the one with lots of windows.

due to the location and circumstances of the room, temperature goes below 10 or even 5 degrees centigrade in the winter, so this room can not be used all year round.

it's great to play or read as there are plenty of light there, but is unsuitable for sleeping. also, it is really small, so we can't place a cupboard or table there.

room 3.

also knows as : office.

it is rather small. two large bookshelves, and a large cupboard and a table under the window with two computers basically fill the room completely.

room 4.

the one room out of the four fit and large enough for all-year-round sleeping.

it is the largest room.

but now we must change the situation one way or another.

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school has started today

the kids are now going to a high school in the town where we live.

my daughter (b. March 2000) has started grade 5 and her education will last for 8 years.

my son (b. December 1996) has started grade 9 and will graduate from high school in June 2015.

they commute by bus.

unfortunately there are no school buses here, so they have to take the town's own bus system.

today was like this:

we got up at 6:00 am, they took off at 7:10 am. they arrived home by 2:30 pm.

this is the first time my kids are going to the same school at the same time.

my daughter had 5 classes, but my son had 6.

she waited in the hall for her brother and they went home together.

i know i am being sentimental, but it warmed my heart up :)))

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there is a new job on the horizon... more on that later :)

on mobiles and meditation

this thursday we had a friend for lunch (uhm, no, we did not eat him...)

his hobbies are meditation, fengshui and the like.

he taught us some basic steps of hand/ear/foot massage.

the hours he spent with us sharing his knowledge and exploring some of the fengshui aspects of our house were all relaxing.

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at one point during the day, annoyed by the number of incoming calls, my husband switched his cellphone to silent mode. some 3 hours later we discovered that there had been 4 unreturned calls.

horrified by the frequency of the calls, we lamented about the fast pace of these times and how unhealthy this world was.

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then the friend had to go, and my husband escorted him to the train station on foot. he did so to elongate the friendly talk a bit... to soothe his own nerves...

at first i suggested to make up for the loss of time and take his mobile as well so that on the way home he can return the calls one by one.

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we were standing in the kitchen and for a while we stared at one another.

i changed my mind: leave your cellphone here. don't bother about returning the calls while immersed in the thoughts your friend has given you. think about his words, you interaction, try to relax a bit more.

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we all agreed this was the right decision.

sometimes it takes just to let the world go by, to allow us some time and energy to recompose ourselves.

memories of a memory card

while the fuji camera is still in koma, we discovered the memory card was alive.

here are some pictures. enjoy, enlarge or feel free to save on your pc for further family or personal enjoyment :)

on slightly related note:

i have recently joined the book with faces ;)

i post photos there and have confirmed relationship with some of my blogging buddies. i have asked them however, not to use my blogging name as i definitely want to avoid mixing the two faces of me. since i had posted photos of the canoe trip earlier on the fb and secondly here, i chose photos for the blog that were not posted over there.

back from a kenoe trip

good news:

we had a glorious weather and we survived!

whoo-hoo!

bad news: my camera may have not.

our kenoe tripped over when i was climbing back from the water.

i guess it all explains the lack of photograpic evidence.

it is an olympus revision: fuji one, a good one at that - and it is drying now :)

journey-bound

uneasy.

nest has gradually became uneasy.

cosyness has started to hurt, routine to itch.

he needed words and explanations no more.

it was time he fled.

time for a swift journey to -

he paused.

to where?, he wondered.

it itched some more.

uneasy.

sweet dream turns sour

it's really been a long, long time since i last had a dream about Sz.

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i had to go shopping and the only shop i found belonged to a large chain, but the shelves were nearly empty, and the quality of produce was low. i was wondering what use i could possibly make of the poor-quality items i was buying.*

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i saw him near the entrance. i pretended i did not.

i became excited, but refrained from looking at his direction.

i saw his figure coming closer from the corner of my eye.

he definitely noticed me by now.

i turned to him, mimicking surprise.

-

he was allright and casually happy to see me. there wasn't any special excitement about his behaviour, he was just his usual self :)

we walked a bit in the city and decided to have a talk.

the world around us has kind of disappeared**.

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i sensed there might be something wrong with his wife and potential kid. in my dream, i had this sixth sense, a visionary supplement of data about him and his family.

we took each other's hands and i looked into his eyes to watch the thoughts he displayed for me there.

i followed his thoughts 'on screen' right until the point i followed his life in real life, but then the display halted and he waited for my reply about the direction of the followings.

i hesitated and then another man came who i think wanted to sell me something. this interruption was the end of the dream, for we never re-freshed the display of thoughts and i never had the chance anymore to find out more about him.

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i woke up surprised and utterly sad.

i think i have just lost a friend, or has finally come to the realization of losing him. revision: having lost him.

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explanation of asterisks

*

these details may look nondescript, but it's just the surface. these details tell me a lot about how i see things, or how i see them in connection with Sz.

**

uhm, a surrounding world that disappears around lovers....ewww...very, very cheesy :))

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the photo above is not my property. i can't switch my camera to this laptop, so it's courtesy of internet.

Light (entry # 33)

They were called lamps.
Grandma told me her great-grandmother told her so. They were fixed up inside, on the walls and on the ceiling of the lairs, called houses at that time.
But now comes the part that my friends laugh the most: these lamps had their own light even when it was dark outside.
I guess this is just some fancy stuff, a make-believe people say.

I don’t think I eat this up, because not even Grandma has ever seen such a thing.
But her great-grandmother did and her husband too – he saw that one huge lamp fixed on the sky. He got that disease then, or this is how the story goes.
Our family line was ready by then. That great-grandmother was pregnant and we are here because she, unlike her husband, was at a safe place.

Grandma said everything was toast for a long time. At first I didn’t understand, but she explained a word may have more than one meaning. It still sounds funny.

Now all the light we have comes from the Sun and the Moon.

The other evening we were sitting with Hikari beside the lake and saw two moons. One, fragile and thin on the water, one, solid and cold in the sky. I said she was both attractive and unattainable. Hikari said it only makes her more beautiful. He kissed me and talked about men walking on the surface of the Moon.

I love how he makes stories just to me.

propaganda :)

why yes, this is a propaganda for Jason's contest, which now has 40 entries, with number 33 being mine :)

at the same time i dedicate this post to draw your attention to THIS POST.

below are my notes, just my two cents about the subject - the same lines i commented to the post mentioned below.

my lines might make you want to read the original post... ;)

it can't be that easy to balance between showing bad and good characters of a certain nation/religious group/community when there's a definite negative air (of media) around that group. if the author goes all negative - it's another pro-group voice in the mainstream. it's propaganda, as you said, and no one wants to read that, either. if the book is all positive then the author might get accused of being partial...or writing propaganda...

at the same time no one likes people who sit on the fence....

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oh, and the time and difficulty i had choosing the name of the boy in that short story for Jason's contest.
i wanted a male name that means 'light'.
i surfed the internet.
i found tonnes of Hebrew names.
i said no.
i found Indian names. i discarded them because i thought those would have been misleading as to the setting and time of my story.
i found an Arabic one. i liked it a lot. i discarded it because... i thought it might provoke unwanted directions in the reader's head.
so i chose a Japanese one.

go figure :(

elemental contest :)

Jason is having a contest this Wednesday.

There is a photo for inspiration, which I already have because he let us peek into it :)

Today I wrote my contribution as well. It is clearly influenced by a book I’m reading right now (by the way, I’m reading it for the second time), but I digress.

If you visit Jason's site you may read lots of great entries. You may even write your own story, for the rules are clearly set, and enter the contest. You may enter to try to win, but if you arelooking for literary enjoyment, you’ll be having one for sure.

And then there’s the supportive community of published authors and damn good amateurs.

Go!

By the way, the photo is titled ’elemental’.

some people live in a fog - while i translate it :) UPDATED

okay, the title does need some explanation.

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phase 1:

i translate Fog, a short poem by Ca_rl San_dburg.

during translation i do some google research as to the meaning of expressions and to the type of poem.

phase 2:

i submit the translation to an online literature site. i am a regular member and from time to time my writings are published there. it takes one or two editors to let a writing published. sometime the editors suggest some modifications.

phase 3:

the editor completely rejects said Sand_burg translation, quote: 'Although I am not classified to deal with translated poetry, it is all clear that your version is not even coming close to a word-to-word translation'.

phase 4:

*facepalm*

phase 5:

i wonder about the diversity of mind and people, about understanding poetry and translating poetry...about stupid editors....about the need to leave this site...about the urge to laugh... the urge to sob...

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and a brand new update!!!

phase 6:

my account is deactivated on that site.

it means that i can not contribute to its contents either by writing and submitting poems or translations or by writing comments on other people's writings. there you go.

am i to return to this site?

i mean, ever?

like accepting or asking for being reactivated again?

like... asking anything from these incompetent bunch of editors?

'as he turned it around'

this image was on about the third, or fourth page of a google image search of 'turn around'.

the title of the post refers to a writing contest that i am planning to enter. it is in Hungarian and the winner(s) will be published in a magazine.

the only rule is that the entry has to contain and make good use of the phrase 'as he turned/flipped it around'.

anthology

and yes, the anthology that contains pieces written by the members of the local writers' group is ready and published.

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as some of you may know, there is a special series of cultural events called "the week of book" in Hungary. it is a nationwide event. most publishing houses come out with lots of different books. new and well-known authors, all kinds of genres alike: this week is to celebrate reading and books in general. most libraries have at least one special event, larger ones have a whole week filled with a series of events like meeting the author(s), discussing a special book.

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i have three entries published in the anthology, which was introduced on 2 June, as the first event of the week, they are: Winter Fairy (a 4 stanza, abab rhyming poem about the natural wonders and the harsh reality of winter) , Fellas (a short story about the end of a friendship between a blackbird and a hen - of course this one is a parabole) and Homeward bound (a short story in three pieces about a roadside mistery and about at least 3 deaths)

i translated the latter and put it up here a while ago. for the first piece click HERE.

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so, on 2 June, the authors were seated in front of the visitors and the professional leader of the group (an acknowledged young poet) introduced us and the book. this quite formal talk was followed by a short, informal meeting between the readers and us, and the evening was finished off in a pizza bar with lots of friendly discussions. we just simply enjoyed that we reached this stage.

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if i had to choose one word to describe the evening it would be: 'unbelievable'

i translate and write articles to magazines, so i frequently do see my name in print. it can't be that. my poems and short stories are being published in a virtual writers' site. people can read and comment on my writing... so it can't be that either.

is it the form?

that this anthology is a book, a good-old fashioned, REAL book?

:)

this feeling makes me happy, makes me want to learn more about good writing, makes me want to write more, makes me excited and horrified at the same time.

:)

wow, i had to face potential readers...

Finland 2 - Kangasniemi 2

a toilet, a small kitchen where organic waste is separately collected and a friendly recreational area, ... nothing really exceptional for the ecologically and socially conscious... except that all photos were made in the state high school of Kangasniemi.

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please share your thoughts - here are mines.

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toilets are as basic to urban life as electricity or running water. you have it and you have it well equipped and clean. i don't own an office, but if i had, i had its toilet kept as clean as the one in my family house. because it is just the way things operate.

at the same time however, and i know it's a shame to admit, but most public toilets in my country are the ones people tend to avoid. they are dirty and neglected. and i don't really understand.

the same applies to collecting organic waste.

just until recently, organic waste was just mixed into communal waste, paper got mixed with metals and glass...

whereas our family follows the easy steps of composting organic and collecting separately.

i wonder when people will follow the obvious and stray from the unsustainable...

thoughts...thoughts...

Finland 2 - Kangasniemi

Kangasniemi is a small village of about 6,000 inhabitants near the 62 northern parallel. in the photo above the choir approaches the large wooden church.

the leaders of the church community invited our choir to sing there and we gladly accepted the invitation.

architecture uses wood for acoustic insulation.

many of the members of the choir complained that at times they heard nothing but their own voice. there were moments in the performance when i heard nothing of the choir as if the voice of the 30+ women just disappeared into thin air. it was a frightening experience.

this is the inside of the church.

we are in a middle of the rehearsal.

a typical Finnish dinner consisting of boiled potatoes, rye bread, fresh salad and chopped meat with sauce. the drink on the upper left corner is a non-acidic, yogurt-like, thick substance.

the most important feature of the landscape was a relaxing conformity of pines and birches. when compared to the complexity of the many types of herbs and tree-types found anywhere in hungary, this uniformity may seem boring, but nevertheless it has a definite soothing athmosphere.

it has a certain natural sweet, almost innocent touch to it - but one can only imagine how cruel this landscape can be on the inhabitants in the harsh of wintertime.

Finland 1 - Helsinki

Helsinki is the capital of Finland. We landed there on 11 May and spent an hour sightseeing. We gathered our first impressions about Finnish architecture, landscape and people there.

At 5-6 pm, people were all jogging, runnig, hiking or biking. They resembled nothing like the exhausted and nervous Hungarian people running errands between multiple jobs in the evening or lazy teenagers wasting their time.

I know, it was just a glimpse.

But the relaxed air about the people was more than obvious here.

This is a combined restroom-baby diaper changing room situated right next to a playground. I don't know about the US, but this sight is a rarity to us, Hungarians, because apart from a few examples, we usually don't have such a comfort at home.

Self-service cafes. People enjoyed the early May weather with 20 degrees centigrade as if it was high summer.

this post

might be just the last one about my front teeth.

today i had my final check up.

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my dentist opened up the soft gums and examined the state of the titanium implants. he was impressed and told me that there were quite much bone-growth around the implants. this is a good sign, my body took the implants in and *quote* you are so young.

i am over 40, so i guess his words mean that my body reacts well and repairs itself easily.

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another miracle that my dentist blames on my guardian angel or on god itself that my upper canine (eye-tooth, tooth number 3 on the upper left), that was shocked and moving due to the accident in October, and could have easily been removed just by pulling by hand, is now as firm as any other healthy tooth.

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i had the mid-section of the implant installed and the whole procedure is supposed to be over early June.

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photos about my journey to Finnland are coming soon.

from the 47' to the 62'

dear all,

between 11 and 15 May our choir is having a good time in Finland.

on Wednesday we fly to Helsinki, the capital of Finland, but after a short sight seeing tour we are heading Forssa, where we are put up with Finnish families. on Thursday we are heading Kangasniemi to visit the local church and give a concert there.

the next day we are going back to Forssa, have a day for recreation and perform the second time there, in a local church. we fly back to Hungary early Sunday.

Kangasniemi is by far the furthest northern destination of my life. it lies along the 62th north parallel, whereas my hometown (that is, where i live) on the 47'.

one of the pieces we are going to sing is over here: it is not us singing, but a famous Hungarian children's choir. this piece was written to be sung this fast and the kids are doing a really-really great job.

these days i'm busy arranging things before i leave and also i'm revising a translation i've just finished.

i feel tired and not everything's quite allright.

i'm looking forward to the trip.

Jerom and his story

now, i know i've been quite a bad blogger these times.

but somehow i happen to have noticed something similar among the blogs i usually visit.

is it that we have less time?

or is it that people do not find blogging as satisfying/interesting/useful as they used to?

-

too bad, for if one blogger starts to neglect his blog, some other might not feel the drive to post regularly, and then a third one and so on...

if this is a community, it will surely die off gradually, one after another.

-

i am not sure if this is the case, i was just wondering...

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yesterday a great idea hit me, and i wrote it (wrote it out?) in the afternoon.

it's called Jerom's story.

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here's the synopsis:

Jerom, finds himself locked in a mental asylum. he finds most of his inmates are criminals. he is convinced he himself is not insane.

he makes friends and starts to feel at home, but still does not know why he is locked up here in the first place.

on a rainy day he starts hearing voices talking to him.

eventually, he becomes insane.

the staff finds out and reassures him in his (new?) state of mind.

Jerom finds being insane a great way to feel happy about being locked in.

he no longer cares about the reason.

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now, i planned to have a second part and a third part, too.

in the 2nd part, the readers gets to know about the reason Jerom is in the asylum.

in the 3rd part, the reader finds out about Jerom's background. like a neglecting and/or abusive relative or something like that.

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now, i don't think i want to write part 2 and 3.

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my reasons:

to follow up the intensity of part one, part 2 should be gory and sick. i don't think i want to write that way.

part 3 on the other hand, should be a cover up for Jerom's sin.

and i don't think i want to give Jerom a pat on the shoulder. i don't think i want to take away the guilt. if Jerom did wrong, he should be punished. if Jerom, say, mutilated and or killed his wife, or set a little baby on fire - this is crime and evil. i don't want to give hims redemption by saying: 'oh, you poor Jerom, you did have a nasty childhood'.

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what's your opinion?

update

my husband has written a book and i am surfing the internet to find suitable photos for the manuscript. in fact, he wrote the book a year ago, provided it with a set of photos, sent it to the editor, who said none of the photos were right.

so now i'm doing the job, so that the book will hopefully be published.

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i'm on the last pages of 'The Cathedral' by Ken F_ollett (in Hungarian). i love books that have so many interesting things to say in so many pages... i find it strange though that it does not inspire me. i thought it would.

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the choir is to fly to finland on 11 may. i am excited about it.

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share your thoughts.

left and right

With a right hand bent at elbow

a spoon is balanced.

Each drop is being watched.

With a bottle in the left hand

the syrup is given:

'There, there, open your mouth...

it will be okay!'

Order, discipline,

solid arguments

in the left head.

Rational and consequent,

patient to judge.

With a gun swinging in the right hand

the right wrist ripped open,

one foot a-stomping;

the other, kicking a bottle on the ground.

Yelling violently:

'I live as I dare

and you shall not come into way'

And in the right head there's

swirling, taking and re-taking wings,

stumbling, straggling love,

infinite.

One thread, another and the third:

with a slow ripening Indian knowledge

time is a-woven.

Two heads, two times, two hearts.

Upon the skin of the tree, there's a burrow; upon the burrow, there's a drop of water; within the drop of water, there's light; within light, there is the skin of the tree.

Evening, nestle me smooth.

Nestle me, smooth dream,

Look at me when I am with you.

Look right and look left.

Look at me.

I am the mirror.

yesterday i watched 'After Life' for the second time.

i like it's notion about the human spirit wandering around, in an in-between phase between the time of death and the spirit's actual departure, but the films also refers to the meaning of life and of the importance of loving and daring to love.

for some of the unfortunate ones out there, loving (giving love) is a matter of risking their own self, their safety, their comfort.

i feel for them, for this must be a difficult path.

i don't know if these people want to get off of their olde ways...

i know these people suffer from not being able to love affectionately, even if they pretend the opposite....

deep inside these people are either careless dumbasses, or fragile thinkers who make their days worse on a daily basis... or deep inside they are both - switch back and forth as per day, per hours, per the level of certain hormones, per ... whatever....

the fear of loosing control and safety...

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why? all the sudden, this post that resembles the ones i wrote 4-5 years ago?

no answer for that - other than today i met my lost lover in my dream and he paid no attention to me at all...

but grievance is passing me and finally it will diminish to an acceptable, almost intraceable level...

and the left side of my brain nods encouragingly...

it smiles, too: this is how things should be.

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these times i revaluate the things around me: blogging, everyday chores, even love and family.

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sometimes time is like a giant wheel... it takes you back to places you thought you left well behind...like you know... as in: 'shit happens'

a quick update

all these times, we have been busy being ill, preparing the kids for the oral exams, and basically, just surviving the blah days of winter.

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my other computer said it was enough and i am just happy that my manuscript is all right.

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i have translated Robert Frost's The Road Not Taken, which i learned was an important poem in American literature. now i am fascinated by his Stopping By Woods, because i am quite bad at metric poetry. translating this is quite difficult for me. plus, as there are so many one-syllable words in the English, they are insignificant in Hungarian.

so it is an interesting experience for me.

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i still attend the choir and i like it very much. we are preparing for our performances in Finland early may. we learn Cornelius's mass in d-minor, it is in Latin with all the compulsory elements of a catholic mass. sometimes i find myself humming tunes of it.

making pasta

looky!
a post with a subject other than my accident and related dental problems.
whoa.
here, here!
we bought a simple hand-made machine that can turn a loosely formed dough of flour and eggs into useful shapes of fresh pasta.
they are much more delicioso than those one buys at the shops.
hear pasta!
imagine the smell of tomatoes!
the smear of olives!
the fall of freshly grated cheese from a chinaware!
the feel of the outer peel of garlic!
the onset of unwanted kilos!
loads of fun!
the kids involved in something useful for the household!
a hearty, meat sauce with hungarian paprika!
some morekilos!
whoa!
hear us eating!

(how come i still managed to fit those magic words into this completely non-related post. i deserve a good surprise.)

and finally

a short post to remember that on february 7 i had my second (and hopefully, last) titanium root implanted.

this time my husband escorted me to the dentist, as it is in another town. we took two trains to get there. his presence was comforting.

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after the operation i had felt awful until the painkillers kicked in at about 3 pm, and i am currently having one in every 6 hours. my face is swollen. not my kind of living... but it will pass :)

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and here's a link about dental implants for the brave.

just a warning for those who wish to click on the link above: it does not contain any *ahem* picture or any material that is in any way would be considered as nsfw, but believe me it isn't all fluffy rabbits chasing each other for another slice of carrot on a sun-kissed soft green grass.

body image

'body image' is the notion you have in your mind about what your body looks like.

some people think they are just fine and neglect work-out and eat more than they should. some of these people get fat. some other people on the other hand think that they are extremely overweight and stop eating properly. some of these people might get anorexic. now i think you get the picture :)

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as most of my readers know i lost four of my front teeth. the second titanium base will be fixed in on 7 february, and the surgery is completed in early may. i can't wait to see that.
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now everyday, everything i do from eating to speaking and even to breathing reminds me to the lack of those four teeth. i know it must be even boring to read about it all the time, but it is so very annoying that i just can not *not* notice it.
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now, get back a a bit in time.
once upon a time, like 5 years ago, i had a hole in one of my upper front teeth. it was quite visible and an annoying phenomenon. i went to a dentist. she filled it up twice but the filling had kept falling out.

but when the filling was gone the third time, i chose another dentist.
that man made a good job and the filling stayed.
it also matched the color of my tooth much much better.

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yesterday i recalled this filling.
yes, people sometimes do think about the fillings within their tooth.
do you?
well, i certainly do.
yesterday i said myself: what a great job that dentist had done. he filled the gap like three years ago and it is still doing fine.
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the fun part comes now.
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i went up to the bathroom mirror to have a short check on that glorious little filling that is so well done it is not even visible.
i went right up to the mirror to see it once again.
i opened up my mouth to check that particular front tooth with the nice invisible filling in it.
i looked at my teeth.
wtf?
i had no front teeth.
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do you get it?
my body image in my head still includes those four teeth i had lost in october.
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strange...

any opinions?

or experiences with body images?

please share in the comments.

much appreciated.

looking forward to 2011

it's a new title and even the title sounds more optimistic, doesn't it?

for the year 2011 we are planning to move on with the renovation and certain jobs in the garden should definitely be done already (like creating a paved garden path, and re-locating the fireplace to another, more shady place.)

also, i'm planning to

... have both my kids entered into a new school.

...have my teeth finished (i broke my upper jaw, lost four teeth in an accident last October, the second dental surgery is scheduled for 7 february)

...have lots of great family events...

...travel to finland with the women's choir in mid-may :)

...write, write and write... (recently i have almost given up writing in English... i just don't see the point. i don't know... any opinions in this matter?)

...do lots of exercises... (the accident and my lazyness is starting to cause some pain in my lower back and i really, really don't like it)

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anyway, here is a photo I made earlier this january.

this is my son's cake for his 14th birthday (which is on 30 december) - i posted the photo to acknowledge the baking and decoration talent of my mother in law.

you may want to click on the photo to see those chicken more (they are made of marzipan, by my husband). the chicken are placed on top of an old-fashioned radio.

the inscription, of old hungarian runes read: pak-pak, which is just a fun way to say quack-quack (ie. what a chicken would say) in a childish language.

and here's another photo my husband made last december. can you spot my daughter in the picture? she's extremely good at climbing. she is about 3-3.5 metres high in a pine-bush, it's a tree with actually no solid branches. watching her doing this trick just sends shivers down my spine :)

what are your plans for 2011? share in the commets, please.