Ohio Reception

Picture of me and Rob with all his family.

On our wedding day we had a reception in Utah. We chilled for a few days (we didn't have a real honeymoon, since we had no money and no real time), and then headed to Ohio for a second reception there. Rob's family lives in Ohio.

The day of the Ohio reception was a huge snow storm, so there wasn't a huge turnout. My parents flew out to join us for the reception, and that was nice.

Picture of me and J, who made the drive from Cincinnati. She showed with her mother, S, and J's boyfriend at the time.

Me dancing with my father. He doesn't like these pictures (despite what I've said other places), but they're wonderful pictures. This is the ONLY time in my life that I've seen my dad dance.


After the reception my parents went down to Cincinnati to spend time with R & C. C is my mom's sister. They look and act a lot alike. This is one of my favorite pictures of them.

We also had an open house at my parent's house in CA mid-January. 3 of those types of things is too many. I lost patience after #2. Just not my thing. But it was nice to have all those people show up to honor us and give us well wishes as we started our life together.

(written 23 July 2008)

Excerpt from Rob's Journal

I have been married for almost one week already. So much to catch up on. Once again I don’t have the time now to catch it all. I love being married. It has been a great week. At our sealing the sealer told us a great deal about the symbolism of the endowment. How wonderful that was! I learned so much.
She was absolutely gorgeous in her wedding dress. The day went wonderfully and after the reception we went to Salt Lake for the evening. Saw The Testaments the next day, and have been enjoying all of our time w/one another. I love her so very much. We are flying to Ohio tomorrow—our courtship, engagement, preparation and marriage are really a wonderful story. I need to write it down. …
RIT

Wedding Pictures

We were married on December 21st at the River Jordan Temple in Utah. It was SO COLD on that day, but it was beautiful. And really, who cares about the weather anyway? We got married!!! Happiness.



This is one of my VERY favorite wedding pictures. Technically it's probably a horrid picture, but I love it, love it, love it.

Me "dodging" Rob's kisses:

Me and Rob with our parents. My parents on the left. His on the right.

Thacker family, with parents and grandparents. Grandpa & Grandma D on the left. V & C on the right, with Grandma Thacker, beside them.

Thacker family: Rob's siblings and their spouses, and Rob's parents. L to R: M & K, G, me and Rob, C & V, P (in front), B, D & C (holding M).

The T family: my siblings and their spouses. B was missing because X was born the day before, so B & J were at the hospital. L to R: J, C, K, M & J, me and Rob, L, C, J.

December 21, 2000 – We Finally Got Married!!

December 21, 2000 – We Finally Got Married!!

Okay, so 2 months doesn’t seem like a long engagement, but it had been a long time for me. A very stressful, long time at that. I was tired and worn out, but happy to be getting married to Rob!

The sealing ceremony was at 10 a.m. or somewhere around that time. Rob and I got to drive down to the temple together, which was fun. We had to do some paperwork and then we met for a minute with the sealer. He was a nice man. He worked making glass eyes and I remember him saying that it would be hard to make a glass eye to replace mine because my eyes were so pretty. It was cute for him to say.

Then we were in the sealing room surrounded by family and love. I had been waiting for this moment for a long time and there was nothing anti-climactic about it. It was everything I hoped it would be. The sealer told lots of insights about the endowment ceremony, most of which was over my head because I had just received mine the day before and it’s a lot of information to take in at once (or even twice or ten times). He gave us some good advice about not going into debt and being patient with money. And then he sealed us for time and all eternity. Rob’s dad and my dad were the witnesses and they got to sign their names very officially on the marriage license.

I had been praying ever since we got engaged that Ruben would be at the sealing ceremony. I think I probably expected to physically see him there. And I didn’t physically see him, but I felt his presence and I felt how pleased he was with me. There is a line said in the sealing ceremony that indicates that angels are watching the ceremony. I knew that Ruben was one of those angels. This brought me happiness and peace.

We walked out of the temple that day companions for eternity. I couldn’t have been happier. I thought back on the revelation I’d had about my wedding day. About the happiness I’d felt in that vision that I couldn’t duplicate for all I tried. I felt that happiness and joy on my wedding day. It was cold as cold can get that day, but my heart was full of gladness and warmth. I knew it was the Spirit testifying to me that I had done the right thing and married a good man.

Rob: I knew I had married my best friend. I was excited for our life together. I would do it again. She is the love of my life for all eternity.


Well, that’s the story. The rest of the details fall under our marriage, not our courting and engagement. Being married to Rob is everything I hoped it would be and more.

written Spring 2006

December 20, 2000 – Went Through the Temple and X is Born!

December 20, 2000 – Went Through the Temple and X is Born!

To this day B will tell you that I was “difficult” when I got married. Which actually stems from the fact that I think I stepped on his toes a little when I planned my wedding for a day after his first baby was due: December 20th. I figured it would work out well because my parents were already going to be out in Utah for Christmas. Kill two birds with one stone, I thought. Well, B informed me that this was “stealing his spotlight,” as he said. I told him that was a little stupid and he said it was just something I should think about. So I cleared it with the boss: his wife. She said she thought B was being silly and that I should do the wedding whenever. … B was not the only one with complaints about when we planned our wedding. Grandma D also let it be known that we had been completely inconsiderate about the timing of our wedding. They had a trip they had to be on and probably had to rearrange things to be there. I was a little offended. We had tried hard to find a good time for everyone, but as you find out over time, it is impossible to please everyone.

So plans went on. And as it turns out, the morning I was to get out my Endowment, X (B and J's son) was born. So B was not there for the Endowment session. I don’t remember if B was there for the wedding ceremony, but I think he might not have been. Obviously his priority lay at the time with his wife and newborn son. This was fine, and the way it should be.

We had some mishaps getting to the temple that day. I gave my mom and dad directions to the wrong Grandma’s house on the way to get Rob. So this caused us a little delay as we had to cut back across town. Then, on the way to the Mount Tempanogas Temple, there was a traffic jam on the freeway. So Rob took us winding around town to get there. I remember asking, “Does Satan always make it this difficult to get to the temple?” And Rob said, “Not if we surprise him.”

It was lovely to get out my endowment with my mom as my escort. Rob’s Grandpa D was the officiator. It was a little scary at first to not know what was going on, and we had some funny wardrobe mishaps, but it was well worth it. Rob got to take me through the veil and then we were united with our families in the Celestial Room. It was a wonderful sight. And a comforting one. Something about the clothes Rob was wearing, that I had never seen before, was familiar to me. Then I remembered that I would have seen Ruben in his temple clothes after he died. And I was grateful to have had that experience to make the moment in the Celestial Room feel very peaceful: like coming home.

Rob: The experience of taking my soon-to-be-wife through the veil was probably one of the greatest experiences of my life. It was indescribable to be on the other side and hear her voice and see her in that way. I am so grateful I married her in the temple. I am so grateful our marriage is eternal. I look forward to someday sharing that with her again.

written Spring 2006

December 19, 2000 – Sub 4 Santa and the D’s Christmas Party

December 19, 2000 – Sub 4 Santa and the D’s Christmas Party

In our BYU ward, Rob and I and a few other people had been in charge of a family for Sub 4 Santa. Rob and I were two of three people that were still around after Finals, so we got to buy all the stuff and deliver it. So we delivered it all on that Tuesday and it was a humbling experience. The woman we brought it to was a normal person. She wasn’t destitute, she was just struggling trying to raise 2 kids. I remember thinking this wasn’t what I thought we’d find. And it made me more grateful to be a part of it that she was so grateful to have our help. It was a good experience.

There were other service projects that I helped Rob do a lot with. Piles and piles of canned goods for a food drive that we did. We carried them from the basement to his car so we could deliver them. It was nice to be involved with Rob in something so wholesome and good. Service is a great thing.

The D’s Christmas Party Tuesday evening was interesting. Grandma D offended C and C went away crying. It seems something like this happens often around Grandma D. This did not impress me. And I got a good idea of how crazy Rob’s family is. They’re good people and I loved being with them.

Rob’s dad took Rob for some time around the end of the party and they had their “talk.” You know, the father-son pre-marriage talk. I remember Rob’s dad making a comment about Rob’s fly being down, but it wasn’t. Rob wore these pants that the fly always did funny things and it would look like it was down, but it wasn’t. I liked the pants, though.

Rob: My dad and I didn’t have our “talk” that night. The talk happened the next day when we were driving to try and find the Inn on the Creek up in Midway. He just wanted to share a few things he had learned over the years, which was a little weird, but was helpful. The fly thing was simply that the flap that covered the zipper on the pants needed to be ironed so it was flipped funny and the zipper could be seen, though it wasn’t down. My dad was just making sure that his son wasn’t walking around flashing people. What a good dad.

written Spring 2006

December 18, 2000 – Rob’s Family Arrives

December 18, 2000 – Rob’s Family Arrives

My family came in town the Saturday after Finals. Rob and I both had to be out of our apartments some time that weekend or the next week, so we packed up our stuff and I stayed with B and J, and Rob stayed with someone else, though I don’t remember who. Probably Grandma Thacker.

Rob’s family was supposed to arrive December 17th, but they were delayed by a snow storm that shut down parts of the highway they were coming in on, I-80. They went to church in the morning and because they went to church, they stalled long enough that they weren’t caught in a horrible snow storm later in the day Sunday. I was impressed that it worked out that way for them. Whether it was the Spirit that helped protect them or just their righteous desire to go to church, it didn’t matter. They were spiritual people.

They arrived on Monday. Rob’s mom and dad got to B and J’s apartment, where Rob and I were, when I was getting my hair cut. My mom cut Rob’s hair first. I was a little bummed that the big moment of me meeting his family had to be spoiled by a haircut. Not very romantic like in the movies, you know? But it was good to finally meet the people I’d come to know only over the phone.

I remember when they were going out to the car. I ran and jumped on Rob’s back for a piggy back ride. Rob’s dad laughed and said that it was good, I would keep him on his toes.

written Spring 2006

December 11 – 15, 2000 – Finals Week

December 11 – 15, 2000 – Finals Week

Ick, finals. Like I said, I’d been so stressed about getting the wedding planned and doing school that I probably didn’t do a very good job at either. Nor was I particularly stable for Rob. I didn’t want Rob to go blind into our marriage, and I didn’t want him to be surprised when these other “sides” of me popped up later. So not that I planned it, but I was depressed and angry and any other thing you can think of, probably several of them at once. There were days that I thought he might call it off or days where I wondered if I was ready for all this. I wanted nothing more than to marry Rob, but I didn’t want him to look back and think it was a mistake. So he had to know that I had “issues” in some areas of my life. And he found out. I was so unstable emotionally at the time, it seemed, that he got a good spectrum of Tamra. And he still married me. What a guy!

There was once I remember when I was upset at Rob, though I don’t remember why. I went to my apartment and started playing Tetris (my universal answer for life at the time). Then, against my will, I got over it. I felt kinder towards Rob and I felt peace. And the feeling I got was that this was NOT because I deserved it; it was because Rob deserved it. This made little sense to me at the time. Later Rob told me that he had sent his guardian angel to comfort me. And I knew that that was exactly what happened. I thought it very unfair. But I was even more impressed with Rob.

Rob: I just remember that Tamra was very upset and I was concerned about her. I felt that she needed some extra help that day. I felt it very appropriate to send my angel to watch over her. After all she was going to be a part of my eternity and he should have had as much interest in protecting her as protecting me. It’s nice to know he is obedient.

During finals week I broke down a little more than normal. It was as close as I think I’ve ever been to a nervous breakdown. I was so stressed I basically couldn’t study for my finals. I told Rob about this and about how worried I was about my classes. He just hugged me and told me that the Lord knew me and he knew the stress I’d been under. He said the Lord would bless me, even though I wasn’t able to put in the study time I wanted. I was calmed by this. And it turned out to be the most academically successful semester of my college career.

Rob: Just as a side note, it was my worst ever and I spent several semesters trying to recover. It was a combination of no sleep and stress. I had several note pages with scribbled lines down them from when I had fallen asleep in class. I just remember being so tired all the time.

Rob was a calming agent in my life and a blessing to me. There was one conversation we had about how it was hard for me to forgive certain people of certain things. I got the feeling that it was not hard for Rob to forgive. I asked him how he did it and he told me the most powerful thing I’ve ever taken to heart in my life: You just do it. So profound and simple. And who would have known that it WORKS!

It seems the engagement period was to be a learning one for Rob and for me. Rob got to see more sides of me and understand more of who I was and what he was getting into. And I was given visions and insights into Rob and who he was. The visions I was given, however, were glorious and sacred to me. Shortly after we were engaged, I was given a very real glimpse of Rob and who he is. This was given to me through the Spirit and it amazed me. I remember thinking, “Who is this man?” Obviously he is great in the eyes of God and He wanted me to know that so I would be sure I was up for being his wife. I have since told Rob’s parents and siblings about this vision I was given and came to find out that most people who know Rob feel the same way: that he is special to our Heavenly Father. I went to Rob and just asked, “Who are you?” I’m sure my eyes must have been full of wonder and awe. Rob seemed to be a “normal” person, but there was nothing ordinary about what I had seen in vision. Rob at that point allowed me to read his patriarchal blessing for the first time. He is promised some amazing things in there and I was floored. I remember thinking again, “Who is this man? And why has he chosen to be with me? And am I up for the privilege of marrying him?”

As to why Rob chose me to be his wife, I don’t know. Because I’m lucky. As for if I was up to marrying him and all that would entail: definitely!! I knew it would mean dedication to the Lord and His Work, but I was ready for that. It’s what I wanted to do anyway. It might not be easy, but it would be worth it.

written Spring 2006

November 27 and 28, 2000 – The Letters From JH

November 27 and 28, 2000 – The Letters From JH

Of course about as soon as we were engaged, I wrote a letter to JH telling him that I’d found the man I wanted to marry and that I was sorry, and I knew it’d be hard, blah, blah, blah, but I was going to marry Rob. A pretty typical Dear John, no doubt. I had been hoping to get back a letter from JH before leaving for the Thanksgiving Break, but that didn’t happen. I even made a point of checking the mail very quickly before leaving. I was anxious to see how he’d respond, and I was worried about it.

The first letter I received was on November 27th, the day we got back. It said that he was doing better and that he was happy for me, though he wondered why we were getting married so quickly and was that a wise thing? This, to me, was an acceptable response letter to a Dear John.

And then the next day I received another letter, this one dated a week before the one I’d received the day before. And this was a very bitter letter. He said unkind things about Rob and about me and he was obviously very hurt. I remember he mentioned the day he received my letter and said that he’d had a hard day that day in particular. Later, after I wasn’t upset about his letter, I remembered that day. I remembered walking through campus holding Rob’s hand and feeling suddenly very strongly that we should pray for JH. I told Rob that I wanted him to pray for him, though I wasn’t sure why. We both prayed for him.

I’m sure it took me a few days to calm down from the letters. I wrote him another letter. I didn’t want to respond in anger. I told him I knew that marrying Rob was the right thing. I spoke to him especially about a revelation I’d received while I’d been dating JH. At the time I had taken that revelation to mean that I was going to marry JH. But over time I realized that the revelation had not had a particular man attached to it, just a feeling of overwhelming peace and joy along with a clause, “If you live the Gospel.” I saw in this revelation my wedding day outside the temple and I saw myself with a worthy man. It was a wonderful revelation. I got the feeling several times that JH had been given a similar revelation, and he seemed to hint strongly at that in his letters. He had a hard time dealing with that. I had never spoken to JH about my revelation, and he never spoke directly to me about his, either, just what was hinted at in this letter. But I felt it important to tell him, now that I was not going to marry him, why I would get a revelation like that and then marry Rob and still feel good both about marrying Rob and about the revelation.

Could I have married JH and been happy? I dunno. Probably. Is that an idea I even entertain any more? No. JH and I caused so much hurt for each other that I like to leave all thoughts of him where they belong: on the shelf. Like an old, worn book that you only bring out delicately and rarely. I learned a lot of lessons from JH that I will always take with me. There’s not much else to say about him.

Some time after Thanksgiving (I’m pretty sure), my mom came in town for two reasons. One, we had her van in Utah and she needed to drive it back out to California. I don’t recall how the van got out there in the first place, but obviously it was out there because we drove it to California and then back to Utah. Anyways, the other reason she came was to pick out a wedding dress with me. I wanted my mom to make my wedding dress, but there was not much time. We went first with L to see what kinds of wedding dresses there were for sale. I didn’t like any of them enough to buy. So we went to a fabric store and picked out a dress from the pattern books. It was not perfect because it wasn’t modest enough, so my mom had to modify it. But I am thrilled with how it turned out. L also helped pick out a bridesmaid dress pattern and fabric for her. I also loved how that turned out.

written Spring 2006

November 21 – 26, 2000 – Thanksgiving in California

November 21 – 26, 2000 – Thanksgiving in California

My parents had not met Rob. They were in California and it’d only been 3 months now. So I invited Rob home with me for Thanksgiving. He would have stayed in Utah with his extended family, but was just as anxious as I was for him to meet my family. I knew they would like him.

We set off for California on the 21st with L, J, and Janine who is also from my home town. We stayed that night at a hotel in attached rooms. The main room had 2 double beds. The attached room had a single queen bed or something like that. Anyways, L and J got the room with the single bed and that left Rob and Janine and me in the main room. I slept in the bed with Janine and Rob slept in the other bed by himself. This was really weird. It made me very glad Janine was with us, or it would have been exceptionally weird. But we had fun. I remember joking around and throwing pillows and stuff.

The next day, the 22nd, I’m pretty sure I forced Rob to sing “Old Man River” for my family, in the car. I was so in love with Rob and loved his voice and wanted everyone else to love it, too. So I was always asking him to sing (as I still always am). Sometime later on the drive Rob and I were talking in the back seat. I told him something I had told a few other people, but never had told Rob. I told him I didn’t like the way he kissed. I don’t recall what it was that I didn’t like about it, but I didn’t like it. So he said he’d work on it.

Rob: She didn’t just tell me. I had to pry it out of her. She was worried about how I would take the criticism. I have to admit it did hurt a little, but I would rather have known something like that than kiss her for the rest of my life and have her not really enjoy it. This may sound weird but I made the matter a matter of prayer. I felt it was important to have my future wife enjoy kissing me so I prayed about how I might make this a more enjoyable experience. The ideas came flooding in.

Later that day, at my parents house now, he kissed me and I fell in love all over again. I remember being blown away that he had been able so quickly to change how he kissed me so that I really liked it. I asked him how he did it and he just said he prayed. Wow. I liked it. All of it: the kissing and the praying.

Thanksgiving went fine. I remember that Rob was in charge of the mashed potatoes and he mixed them until they didn’t have lumps any more, and then found out my dad likes it with lumps in it. And I think I again ate a full pumpkin pie in a day. I do that most Thanksgivings. Rob also had a talk with my dad. It wasn’t to get “permission” from him, because I give the permission, but I did want Rob to talk to him. From what Rob’s told me, it wasn’t much of a talk. Later Dad would tell me that Rob is the best of the best of men. I doubt he had such glowing things to say about me.

Rob: This is the way the conversation went. I asked if he was OK with me marrying his daughter. He responded by asking if it mattered what he thought and whether it would change whether I married his daughter or not. I told him no, that I was going to marry her either way. He then said it didn’t matter then what he thought. He then asked if I realized what I was getting into by marrying Tamra. I later found out I had no idea.

The next day, the 23rd, we had Jane and Phil over. I had invited them over to “grill Rob” about marrying me. It was sort of a quality check. Phil was too soft on him, but he approved whole-heartedly. Jane is a little jaded from her personal experience, so she objected to us getting married. Not because she objected to Rob, but because she objected to anyone getting married young. This annoyed me a little, but I kind of liked that she was razzing Rob, too.

Rob: I only really remember the end of this conversation. I remember telling the both of them that I was sure it would work out. Jane looked at me and told me that I couldn’t really be sure. I responded simply by saying that I knew myself and knew that this marriage would work and that we would be happy. I’m not sure they believed me but I think they were impressed with my confidence and willingness to stand up for myself and our decision. They at least knew I was committed.

It was probably later that night, before bed, that we talked. Rob and I were kissing and I remember we got into a position that I wasn’t comfortable with. I trust Rob to behave himself, but I wasn’t comfortable. I remember asking Rob why we were laying that way. He said he didn’t know. There was something about his answer that reminded me of JH and so made me a little defensive on the spot. He then quickly remedied the situation and I thought he was mad at me. He told me he appreciated that I would tell him what I was comfortable with and not comfortable with. He said that all a woman ever had to do for him to not do something was tell him it made her uncomfortable. I was amazed and impressed that any male could be so controlled and caring.

We also talked that night about one of my main fears in marrying Rob. Rob is gentle and loving, but he is big. What if he ever hit me? I might not survive. I am little and he is big and this is a little scary to me. He told me that he would never hit me and I didn’t need to worry about that. I told him I trusted him, but how could I know for sure? And he used the trump card: prayer. He said, “You get down and pray right now and ask if I will ever hit you.” He talked about how abuse is a gross misuse of the Priesthood and we prayed about it all, though I doubt at this point I was comfortable enough to pray out loud. So either I said a prayer silently or Rob said a prayer for us, but either way, at the end, I just hugged Rob and my fears were quieted. I knew he was a good man and that he’d never abuse me or our future children.

The next day, the 25th, I took Rob to see a little bit of my home town Not that there’s much to see, mind you, but I wanted to show him around and I wanted some time with just him, too. So we went to the parking garage downtown. It has a pretty good view of town. And then I took him to the park at the top of the only hill in town. I ran Cross Country there a lot in High School. The park was closed, so we parked close and walked up the hill. I hate that hill. The hill gives a pretty good view of the town, as well. We made out a little at that park, which is something we’d never done before. I hadn’t ever been tempted to kiss Rob too much, cause I didn’t like how he kissed. Kissing had been like a chore. But now it was nice and it was tempting.

We drove back to Utah on the 26th. Janine was getting a ride back with someone else, so it was just L and J and Rob and me. This made it more tempting, too. L and J did all the driving, so it was just Rob and me in the back to cuddle. Janine wasn’t there, so there was no one else to chaperone. And then it got dark and Rob and I got back to making out. While making out is fun and I liked it, we knew we could quickly get ourselves into trouble if we followed that path. We agreed to not make out any more until we got married. And we stuck to that.

written Spring 2006

Thanksgiving 2000

These are all pictures taken on the Thanksgiving trip that Rob and I took to California so he could meet my family. Rob, me, C, L & J all drove out from Utah. We had a good time and I was glad that my family could meet the man that I was head-over-heels for.

I love this picture, even though it's cropped too close on the bottom.

I have disliked this picture of me since the moment it was taken. But my dad and Rob both loved it. My dad made about 200 prints and gave them to everyone he knew (a slight exaggeration). I have come to like this picture after years of exposure to it. Rob had this picture in his wallet for years and years.


Rob helping my brothers do the dishes on Thanksgiving Day:


(written June 2008)

Tamra

November 17 and 18, 2000 – Men’s Chorus Concerts

November 17 and 18, 2000 – Men’s Chorus Concerts

Men’s Chorus has a following: all the girlfriends of the men in Men’s Chorus. I went to virtually every rehersal that semester, once Rob and I were serious. I would bring my homework and do that for an hour while I listened. It was very fun. And so I knew just about every song they sang word-for-word. I knew when they were off and when they were on. I knew when a part didn’t come in or a section missed their note. It was fun to have the time to go to so many of Rob’s things. Rob loves music.

I don’t remember much about the Men’s Chorus Concert. I know that in their combined concert at the start of the year they stole the show (like they do every year). They walked in singing “Stouthearted Men” and the audience went wild. Men’s Chorus always is the favorite.

written Spring 2006

October 29, 2000 – Grandma and Grandpa D’s Combined B-day Party

October 29, 2000 – Grandma and Grandpa D’s Combined B-day Party

This was my first “meet the family” session. Every one of Rob's aunts on the D's side was there and all their families. I was a little worried about how they’d like me and how they’d treat me, but I had already met Becky and Grandma D, so I wasn’t too worried about it.

I only remember one thing about this night. Grandma D yelled at Rob for not telling her sooner that we were engaged. She called him rude and asked if he had been this rude on his mission, cause if he had been, he never would have had anyone to teach because he was so rude. Rude? Not telling her we were engaged? Rudeness is telling someone off because they didn’t tell you that they were engaged. All I could think was that she needed a lesson on what real rudeness is. And then she turned to me and said, “You better keep him in line.” And she walked off. I was appalled and confused. Did we know the same Rob Thacker? The kindest, gentlest, least rude person in the world? Rob just said some line about how that’s just how Grandma D is and I wondered how people put up with her.

Since then we’ve become friends, her and I. It took a little patience on both our parts, a little understanding on my part to be tolerant, and a little understanding on her part to not push the line. I let her know that if she scratched, I would bite and I would win. I didn’t do anything rude, I just don’t put up with her telling off the people I love. It also took a lot of prayer and service on my part. I needed a softer heart to see how good and kind and wonderful Grandma D is. She has a heart of gold.

written Spring 2006

October 27, 2000 – Halloween Dance

October 27, 2000 – Halloween Dance

The Halloween Dance was with our ward and a few others. It was fun. Rob and I, of course, went as a couple and I was dressed up in my Navy sailor outfit that I adore and Rob, I think, was just in jeans and a white shirt. I don’t think he had a costume. Who brings a Halloween costume to college with them? But it was SO FUN to dance with Rob again. We did a lot of swing stuff that we couldn’t do the week before at Homecoming because I was in a long dress that didn’t really allow me to move like that. So we danced and danced and Rob sweated and sweated.

I remember that one guy came up to me to dance with me while Rob was doing something else like going to the bathroom or something. The guy was apparently a dancer on one of the BYU dance teams, and he was pretty quick to let you know that. He told me that he had seen me dancing and obviously I was pretty good. I laughed and told him that I didn’t know any dance moves at all, and Rob had been teaching me. Really, Rob looks good and I get to benefit from that. He was not impressed and essentially stopped talking to me right then, which made the rest of the song a little awkward. I just thought, “I don’t care. I’m here with the guy I’m going to marry and that’s not you.”

Once Rob and I were engaged, real life seemed to hit me and our courtship slowed down a lot. We were still together nearly everyday all day, but it wasn’t the same going out and doing things that it had been before. Now we had to think about realistic things like me getting a pre-marital check-up with a GYN, and us finding an apartment, and what would our finances be like after we were married, and finding a reception hall for the wedding, and were we going to start trying immediately to have kids or would we wait. Real life is not near as exciting as the rollercoaster, heart-on-a-platter, falling-in-love romance. But it does have to be dealt with, none-the-less.

So we dealt with real life. We found an apartment at King Henry (the smallest apartment you’ve ever seen) and I put down the money for it. We decided I would have to get a job after we got married, so we could survive life. I had not previously had a job while attending college. And I started frantically making wedding plans, which is no fun at all. I put Rob’s mom in charge of the reception in Ohio, my parents in charge of whatever they wanted to do in California, and I asked J to help with the reception in Utah and the wedding announcements. She was the only person I knew who had been married somewhat recently and had done all the reception stuff, plus she said she could help make announcements. Coordinating all these efforts was a monstrous task and I probably didn’t help matters, since I was so stressed out about all of it plus going to school that I about shut down. I would play Tetris on the old school original Nintendo that Chanel had brought with her from home. I would play for hours and hours and hours. I got really good: Level 18, Line 182. I don’t know of anyone who has done better [comment from Oct. 2008: and I've beat that by 10 lines since then]. And I was on the phone almost constantly, much to the annoyance of my roommates who could never use it because I was always on it. There was just so much to do.

And the idea of having to talk to Rob, this man I had only known for 2 months, about things like kids and sex and school was really weird to me. Of course I knew when we were married, those things would come, but talking to Rob about it was awkward for me. We had only known each other a short time, and while we were attracted to each other and kissed and things, our relationship was not sexual and so it was odd thinking about it in those terms. But we talked anyway because we needed to. We decided that we would put off trying for children until I had finished school. This was obviously the wisest decision to make. I knew in my heart that I would not be able to accomplish going to school and raising a child, so it was one or the other. And though I agreed to that decision, deep down I wondered about it. Were we really supposed to wait? But that’s what we decided, so it was fine. And it really did make sense.

So I went to the GYN that J suggested. I didn’t like him at all, but I did like the nurse I saw. It was my first pap smear and that part I didn’t mind so much as what the nurse had to do to figure out my uterus is tipped. That was very painful and I think I was saying ‘ow’ for about half an hour afterwards. The GYN brought Rob in from the waiting room where he was waiting through the exam so he could talk to us about which kinds of birth control there are and also so he could talk to us about sex. Again, awkward. He gave us a little phamplet book thing that he had co-authored about sex and marriage. He asked us both to read it individually so we would know what to expect. It was more information than I wanted to know, but it was helpful to not go in blind. Though I don’t think I was blind about it all. Anyways. Rob and I decided in the doctor’s office to start me on the pill. I would start it in a few days to time my period right for the wedding and have it be effective by the time we needed it to be. Fine, fine.

But it wasn’t fine. Those few days were some of the longest of my life. I have recorded this story in several other places, so I will give the short version here. I felt Miciah’s presence. Not that I knew it was Miciah, but I knew it was my first child. And the child was always there. This weighed on me and weighed on me. The child wasn’t a pest, he or she just wanted me to know they were there and they wanted to come down as quickly as possible. The child was always smiling and would very gently and sweetly say, “Mom.” I would sometimes say, “What?” in response. There never was a response, just that same smile. I remember one instance in particular in my room, looking up at the ceiling and saying, “Stop. I get it. I know you’re there. Just leave me alone. I have to study,” or something to that effect. My roommate must have thought I was crazy. I knew I wasn’t crazy, and I knew that we couldn’t delay having children. Not with this child so desperately wanting to come down to us.

But how could I bring that up with Rob? He knew something was wrong, but I didn’t want to tell him what it was. I thought he would be disappointed in me for going back on the decision. It was the day before I was to start taking the birth control, so we needed to talk. We talked, though Rob had to coax just about everything out of me. I told him I felt this presence and I couldn’t shake it, but the light in my eyes was gone and I couldn’t function without it and I just wanted to cry and, and, and. It’s a little funny now to think about. And that spirit is still how my sweet daughter, Miciah, is today. Nice and sweet, but insistent to get her way. … I felt like my life would end if we didn’t make the right decision, so Rob very sweetly offered a prayer. And after this prayer we knew what decision we needed to make. I was so grateful that Rob was understanding and wanted to listen to the Lord. He had not felt the same impressions as I had, but he trusted me and he trusted the Lord, though neither of us knew how we would make this work.

Rob: I am very grateful for this experience. I believe it established a pattern in our marriage that we have tried to follow. We knew we could receive answers from our Father in Heaven. He was interested in our marriage. I also hoped it help Tamra know that she could and should approach me about any concerns she ever had. The answer that evening was very strong. There was no question in my mind what our course of action needed to be.

Of course we know how this story ends. We were married and 10 short months later Miciah joined our family. I knew from the beginning that she was full of a love for life and that she wanted to be on earth at this time in our family. And it’s awful nice to know all that. Looking back on how life has gone, I can’t imagine if we had waited. We did the right thing for us and that’s also nice to know. When people find out how soon Miciah joined our family, they will occasionally ask if she was unplanned or a “mistake” as it’s sometimes put. It almost makes me want to laugh. If they only knew how insistent she was to get down here. And it is nice to answer, with full conviction, that no, just the opposite, she was asking to come down. Why did we have Miciah so early in our marriage? Because it’s what Miciah wanted, and what the Lord wanted for us.

written Spring 2006

Pictures Pre-Marriage

This is one of my favorite pictures of Rob. Seems like it's his BYU ID picture, but I don't remember what it was for.


Except for C, B & J, and L & J, who lived in Utah, my family hadn't met Rob. (I took him home to CA to meet my folks for Thanksgiving.) B took these pictures on his camera to send to the family. These are from some time in October, 2000. We were probably engaged already, so late October, I'd say.

(written June 2008)

Tamra

October 19, 20, and 21, 2000 – Homecoming Weekend

October 19, 20, and 21, 2000 – Homecoming Weekend

Rob performed with the Men’s Chorus for the Homecoming Spectacular on Thursday and Friday. I went to see him one of those days. I don’t remember much about it, and what I think I remember could be a combination of about 3 years of going to the Spectacular. I might have gone with Lorelie; I might have done that the year before. Rob might have joined me for the last half of the show; that might have been one of the years after. I don’t remember. But I’m sure, either way, that I walked home with Rob that night.

Rob had been really wanting to go to Homecoming. I’m not sure why, he just likes Homecoming. So we went with B and his date (I don’t remember her name) and Rob’s old companion from his mission, Jeff W, and his fiancé sort of. I have blocked out their names as a means of self-preservation. I was not a fan of him. First, he was goofy looking. Second, he was engaged to this girl, but not really. He hadn’t officially proposed, but they both knew he was going to eventually. So she was his fiancé but not quite. This caused me to dislike him a lot and feel sorry for her for taking it. Obviously this was not the kind of guy that I would marry.

Anyways, the night started with all 6 of us at my apartment. Rob made dinner for us. Maybe all the guys did, I don’t remember. But I do remember that Rob tried to make us the closest version of quark that he could come up with, without having quark on-hand. I was not impressed with it. Nor with the description: “Like yogurt but thicker and it coats the inside of your mouth and teeth. You have to add a lot of sugar to it to make it good.” Well, why not just eat yogurt then? It wasn’t bad, though, and the meal was pleasant.

Rob seemed to really like my dress. I wore the army green dress with embroidered flowers all down the front. It’s very pretty but not actually my size, so I wear it with a string for a belt. It was also one of the first times that Rob had seen me all decked out in make-up, too. It was nice to see that Rob was enchanted with me. When I don’t dress up often, it’s nice to see it rewarded so nicely.

The dance we went to was in Spanish Fork, I think. We got to ride on a horse-drawn “carriage” as it was advertised. Really, it was a horse pulling a big wagon (like the kind that you put hay on for hayrides) and they went around a block or two.

Rob: They did only go around a block or two but it was not a hay ride. Girls were in formals so it was better than a hay ride wagon. It was a small carriage. I thought it was kind of fun.

It was lame and we waited in line way too long for something so lame. But it was fun to be at the dance with my fiancé and watch him burn up the dance floor. Rob is good. B was a little jealous, I think, of Rob stealing the show. It’s not that Rob means to do it, his personality just tends to take over things. I enjoyed all Rob’s spunky craziness. And I loved wearing my ring, which we had finally gotten back from the jewelers that day.

written Spring 2006

October 16, 2000 – Purchased the Rings

October 16, 2000 – Purchased the Rings

Homecoming was the coming-up weekend and Rob and I were going. So the weekend was out for picking out rings. So we went to the mall on a Monday to get our wedding rings. My proposal had been so spur-of-the-moment that I didn’t have rings to present to Rob. Besides, can a girl pick out her own wedding ring to put on her finger? I wanted Rob to be with me as we made this decision. Because it was OUR decision and that’s how it should be (not my decision and not his, but ours).

After going to just about every jewelry store in the mall and realizing that most rings look the same, I finally figured out what I wanted. I didn’t want to have to go into debt for these rings. I’m sure Rob would have been okay with doing that, but I was not. Why start our marriage in debt over a piece of jewelry? And I also had never wanted a diamond. How cliché. So we decided on matching bands and found two that weren’t the same but close and they were beautiful. The ring I really wanted for me was the gold with the platinum one and to give Rob the three colors of gold one. The platinum ring was bold! But as it turns out, the tri-gold ring looked better on me and the bold look was great for Rob. The tri-gold ring on Rob made him look too femmy.

The only problem with my ring was that it was a man’s band. Size 10. Rob’s was almost perfectly sized, but mine needed some major adjusting. We were sent to a jeweler who makes his own jewelry. My ring was flat and I wanted it to stay flat because I liked the look of it and it matched Rob’s. But for him to size it down to a 7, he’d have to either take out one or two sections of the gold pieces and throw the pattern off or squeeze it down and round it. We decided to round it. Slightly disappointing for me, but again, the ring was just a ring.

The bummer about the whole re-sizing thing was that I didn’t have a ring for a week! No one believed me that I was engaged. I had been telling my friends for so long that I wanted to marry Rob that when I came to class and told them I was engaged to him, they just said, “Yeah, right.” No, really! Where’s your ring? I needed the ring. And there was the debate: Should Rob wear his ring? I wanted him to. If it’s just a symbol, wasn’t Rob now just as “taken” as he would be after we had the wedding day? And should I wear my ring? I wanted to. But we had a few people tell us that since it was a wedding band and not an engagement ring I shouldn’t wear it until the wedding day. I thought that was ridiculous. So we compromised. I wore my ring (when I got it back re-sized), and occasionally Rob would wear his ring, just because I asked.

written Spring 2006

October 15, 2000 – We’re Engaged!

October 15, 2000 – We’re Engaged!

Sunday was a long day. I remember in church talking to one of Rob’s FHE sisters, I don’t remember her name. But she asked if Rob and I were going to get married. I told her it was definitely headed that way. She was excited for me, though not as excited as I was for me!

Sunday night Rob was at my apartment just hanging out. He decided he wanted to leave early so that he could get to bed earlier than we’d been getting to bed. I think it was around 10:30 p.m. when he started to walk out of the apartment. I practically begged him to stay. Our usual routine was to be in my apartment until curfew (10 on weekdays and 11 on weeknights, if I remember right) and then out in the hallway until the building curfew (11 on weeknights and midnight on weekends). So we moved out into the hallway. I objected the whole time and he was telling me about how tired he was and that he had to work insanely early (he had to wake up at like 4:00 a.m.). He’d been falling asleep in his classes and not been performing up to par. He needed sleep. I told him I didn’t want him to go. By this time we were in the laundry room in the basement of Bowen Hall. He said, “You know I need to go.” I said, “I don’t want you to leave.” He said maybe someday he wouldn’t have to leave. I told him, “I don’t mean tonight. I don’t want you to go ever.” He kind of half-smiled and said, “Tamra T------, are you proposing to me?” I grabbed him by the collar and shook him a little as I almost shouted, “Yes. I want to marry you!”

Very romantic, huh? There were bras hanging up in the laundry room, something we still joke about. And my method of asking wasn’t exactly suave. But I knew what I wanted and so I asked my question.

Rob then closed his eyes while we were standing there. I said, “I’ve never proposed to anyone before. Is this a good sign?” He said, “Shh. I’m praying.” Oh. Oops. I was super nervous. I almost wanted to say, “No! Don’t pray! Just say yes!” But I didn’t. I knew I wanted this to be right, even if that meant losing Rob. I think it was the longest prayer he’s ever said, or at least it seemed that way to me. Finally he opened his eyes and said, “I’ll marry you if you’ll marry me.”

I was so happy! And then, after this moment of elation, suddenly reality set in. When? Where? What details? My goodness. It was a little bit of a let down to have to think about reality after riding in the clouds. But of course reality has to be taken care of. We didn’t decide much that night.

I went back into my apartment and said, “I’m engaged!” They were all so happy for me and immediately got down a calendar and told me which times would work for them and which wouldn’t. In the end, I scheduled a bad time for two of them, but whose wedding was this anyway? It was cute that they were so supportive. And then I called my parents. It was almost midnight by the time my phone call reached them. So they were asleep. I just figured something like an engagement shouldn’t wait until morning. Dad picked up the phone. I told him I was engaged! If you want someone to reacted excitedly, don’t pick my dad as that person. He said, “Great. Change your mind and call me back in the morning.”

written Spring 2006

October 14, 2000 – That Look in Rob’s Eyes

October 14, 2000 – That Look in Rob’s Eyes

Ever since the week before when we had decided to go forward with the relationship, Rob had a certain look in his eyes. I was pretty sure that look meant he was getting ready to ask me to marry him. I also knew he hadn’t gone to the temple yet and I knew he wanted to take the decision there to think and ponder about it. I was trying to be patient and wait for him to go to the temple so he could come back and ask me to marry him.

But I was a little scared about all this. Not about marrying Rob, but about Rob for some reason not wanting to marry me. I remember telling him one day that I was afraid that Rob’s train would leave and I would miss it (okay, maybe it was worded differently than that, but I remember using the analogy of a train). And I remember Rob looking at me straight in the eye and saying, “Well, then get on.” Oh. Okay. I also told him that same day (obviously it must have been earlier in this week, like October 10th or 11th or something like that) that marrying him would be like a dream come true. And he said, “I’m not in this to make your dreams come true.” He told me he wanted to marry someone who wanted the same things in life that he wanted. And what does he want? To serve the Lord all his days. Not a bad goal. I remember thinking, “I can do that.”

So obviously we could both feel marriage on the horizon. So Saturday night after coming home from wherever we were, we stood outside those back entrance stairs and talked. I told him he had this look in his eyes and had for the last two weeks (I remember thinking it was two weeks, but obviously according to the calendar, it couldn’t possibly have been. It was only a week). I asked him what it meant. I asked Rob point blank because I wanted him to ask me to marry him. He said the look in his eyes was a question he wanted to ask me, but he didn’t feel quite ready to ask me yet. “But, hypothetically speaking, what would you say?” I remember wanting to laugh at that, but being so excited because obviously I knew what that question was and I wanted nothing more than to hear him say it. I said, “Should I pretend I don’t know what the question is?” No. But what would you say? “Well,” I said, “I’d have to think about it and pray about it.”

Of course I WANTED to shout out, “Heck yeah, and let’s get married tomorrow!” But I had learned a little in my relationship with Rob. I knew that I wanted to do this the right way. I had been praying for weeks now (again, it could be shorter than that) if I should marry Rob or not, or telling Heavenly Father that I wanted to marry Rob. And every time I would get the same answer: Rob has to make his decision first. This answer annoyed me and made me impatient. How unfair that Rob had to decide first and I was forced to wait for that decision. But I knew that’s how it should be. (Rob’s patriarchal blessing, I later found out, said that he would pick his wife and not the other way around. So my answers, then, made sense. I just didn’t realize it at the time.) So I hadn’t actually received my answer if I should marry Rob or not. I knew I wanted to. I knew I wanted to SO BADLY. But I did not yet know if this was God’s will or not. So I told Rob I’d have to pray about it. He thought that was a good answer and we parted that night and left it at that.

I walked into my apartment that night again on Cloud 9. I told my roommates that I so wanted to just propose to Rob. And I remember them saying, “Well, then do it.” And that’s probably the first time I took that idea seriously. (I’d always wanted to propose to a guy. I practiced a hundred times on JH, thinking that I’d never get a chance in real life to do it. He always knew they were a gag. In fact, sometimes I would play break off a relationship just to make a more dramatic engagement story. I think JH liked it. One time he almost thought I was serious. I used a real ring box and acted real serious about it. But the ring box was full of paper or paperclips or something like that. I think he was relieved that I didn’t actually pop the question.)

And that night I prayed. And I knew almost instantly that it was good and right to marry Rob. Now that he had made his decision, I could make mine and my decision was Yes!!

There’s a little more to my side of the story than this, though. My patriarchal blessing says that I should be patient in waiting to meet the right man to marry. It says he will be a righteous priesthood holder. It says he will love and cherish me. And it says that I should wait upon the voice of the Lord regarding my future husband. So I got serious about finding out what “the voice of the Lord” sounds like. I bought a book by Elder Henry B. Eyring entitled, “To Draw Nearer to God.” It talks about listening for the voice of the Lord. It says that the Spirit is the voice of the Lord and that no more evidence was needed than this. If we were in actuality to hear the Lord or see Him, we would know no better than listening to the witness of the Spirit. Before learning this principle, I had assumed I would need to have an earth-shattering experience. I would need to see lightning and hear a big booming voice. But the voice of the Lord is the Spirit and it is peace. And so I knew that night, after study and fervent prayer, that I had heard the voice of the Lord regarding my future husband: I would marry Rob.

written Spring 2006

October 13, 2000 – Ward Talent Show

October 13, 2000 – Ward Talent Show

Not much happened at the Ward Talent Show. I read one of my works: For Those With Non Talent Show Talents. Rob was one of the main Activities Committee members, so he was in charge of putting it on, so he didn’t perform. He just moved pianos and stuff. One of my roommates, Chanel, turned to me and said, “Your boyfriend has a nice butt.” I agreed with her. I still remember Rob was wearing his white ribbed shirt and jeans. He’s so good looking. And I’ve always liked his butt.

Incidentally, I was under Rob in my calling. Rob was the Activities Committee Chair over service. I got called to the activities committee and all of us got a choice as to where we wanted to serve. I don’t remember what all the groups were, but there were three groups and I chose to go with service. I remember that meeting for a few reasons. First, I was pretty upset when people assumed I was choosing service because Rob was over that area. I debated choosing service because I knew that’s what people would think. But that’s not why I chose it. In fact, Rob being over that group was a reason why NOT to choose that, because I knew my intentions would be misinterpreted.

The other reasons I remember that meeting have to do with Rob. I remember asking Rob if I could see his planner. His planner is bright blue, red, and yellow, not the kind of planner I’d expect to see in Rob’s hands. I was impressed. And I remember what happened after the meeting. We were in the basement and before we walked upstairs I told Rob that I didn’t choose to be in his group because of him. He said he knew that. And then we walked up the stairs. I’m sure we were still flirting. I walked up right before him and he used that planner to give me a playful swat on the butt. I was not happy. I turned to him and chewed him out. “Why did you do that?” Rob didn’t say anything. “Why did you do that?” He said, “I dunno. I was just playing.” I told him that my personal space was my personal space and he wasn’t invited into it. I let him know that I did not think that was funny and I expected him to never do something like that again. … Rob was floored. I think he was apologizing to me for weeks. It was funny. But I set the standard that day and I have not ever regretted doing so. Rob knew where I stood and what I would and would not tolerate. There can’t be anything bad about that.

Actually, when I went to my temple recommend interview with Bishop Freeze, he asked if there was anything inappropriate in my relationship with Rob. I told him there wasn’t and told him that story. He laughed and said that was a little over the top, maybe. But that’s a better reaction than what I would have received if Rob and I had things to work out with a Priesthood holder.

written Spring 2006

October 7, 2000 – Moving on Ahead

October 7, 2000 – Moving on Ahead

I remember the night being really long. I was anxious to hear what Rob had decided and felt several times like calling and asking how it went. Rob and I had to get together that day for something, I don’t remember what (he might have just been going somewhere and I followed him out the door and walked him to his car or something). But I remember we were walking out of the apartment and were in the space between his door and the outside door when we talked. He told me that he had decided to pursue the relationship to see where it went. He didn’t know if that meant marriage, but he was willing to see the relationship through. I told him I felt the same way. We both felt that maybe we were moving toward marriage, but we weren’t sure yet.

I was so happy! I remember telling him, “Good. Because if you had come back and said you’d decided on AO, I would have been so ticked off.”

So again, our relationship was given the green light.

By this point in my life I had started telling people that it was my new goal in life to marry Rob Thacker. I couldn’t stop thinking about him or talking about him and I’m sure my friends were very annoyed.

written Spring 2006

October 6, 2000 – I Say ‘I Love You, Too’

October 6, 2000 – I Say ‘I Love You, Too’

So I prepared myself for the only decision Rob would make that I thought I would have to be prepared for: "I choose AO." It was a little sad to me that this man I had pursued so hard and had fallen in love with at first ping-pong game was about to slip away from me. But I found strength in my preparation. I realized that if Rob didn’t want me, then I didn’t want him, either.

He happened to have a Choir Retreat on Friday and wasn’t home until late. I couldn’t wait to talk to him and say my bit. Finally it came time to talk and we talked for a while. I sat down with him in the hallway/lobby outside his apartment and I told him what I’d come to. I told him that if he didn’t want me then I didn’t care, because I was confident in myself and wanted someone who wanted me. I also told him that AO was horrible for him and he knew it. I said, “Your family knows it, you know it, and I know it.” I told him that yes, I did love him, and I didn’t want to lose him. But if he didn’t want a relationship with me than get out now cause it’d be easier now than later. And I told him that I didn’t care at this point if he came back and told me that I wasn’t the one he was interested in. I would be okay with that. But he BETTER NOT tell me that he felt good about AO. He seemed impressed that I came back so strong.

So I went home and waited, hoping that Rob wanted me.

Rob: This was the night that I was baptized by fire. I had been so mixed up. AO’s mother had been calling me. I had called AO several times. The last conversation I had with AO she had told me that she knew something I didn’t know, but that she couldn’t tell me yet what it was. Really, I had become so smitten with AO over the previous summer that I was blinded to how I really felt around her. I wasn’t myself. She had burned me several times. I had put a lot of prayer and emotional energy into trying to make her happy and she didn’t want any part of it. Tamra helped me realize this.

After our conversation I went in to my room. I knelt by my bedside and knew I needed an answer. I began talking to my Father in Heaven. I shared with Him my feelings about these two young women that I felt were special. As my conversation with Him continued my thoughts and heart all began turning to focus on Tamra. Thoughts of AO dwindled and died. Thoughts of Tamra grew and my heart was filled with fire from above. I knew.

written Spring 2006

October 5, 2000 – Jazz Concert and ‘I Love Two Girls’

October 5, 2000 – Jazz Concert and ‘I Love Two Girls’

Rob and I went to the BYU Jazz Concert. One of his roommates, Rhett, performed in it, but that’s not why we went.

On the way home, I was having enough strong feelings for Rob that I felt ready to say those three little words that mean so much. So I was standing with Rob near the stairs to his apartment and I told him I was about ready in our relationship to tell him something. So he knew what I was going to say. And he said, “Before you say that, I have something to tell you.” We sat down on the steps and talked for over an hour, I’m sure, perhaps much longer than that. I remember Rhett had time to walk by us with his instrument in tow and some of his roommates walked back out the door, too. I know it was past 11:00 p.m. when we finished our conversation.

But Rob sat me down and told me about AO. I’m not dumb and completely non-observant, so I had already put some things together about AO. I knew Rob had driven a girl up to Ricks (now BYU-Idaho) and dropped her off. I knew that he had “a friend” that was a little more to him than a friend, just by how he spoke about her. And, though he doesn’t remember this, he received a package one day in his apartment and I asked him who it was from and he said, “A woman who wants me to marry her daughter.” I had figured out that this person he wanted to marry was AO.

So he pulls out AO on me. He says she’s really spiritual and they have great talks and that she makes him want to be a better person. But, apparently, I don’t. I knew enough at this point that I knew he didn’t have a lot of fun around AO. He often would ask me if I really thought he was funny. Yes, of course, why don’t you believe me? Well, AO, … Right. I get it. So I just said, in essence, “Okay, maybe I’m not a spiritual giant, but we have so much fun together, and when you’re around me, you’re happy. What about that?” And he said he didn’t know. We were both different girls, but he loved both of us. And there he said it. Stole my punch line. He loved me but also loved AO.

And then he has the nerve to say, “So how do you feel about me?” What?! I told him I was not about to declare how I felt about him with him sitting on the fence like that. I told him I wasn’t happy about all this and would need to think about it all. And I told him he couldn’t love two women, he had to pick one or the other. He understood.

What a jerk! I was so upset. I went home and ate almost a whole half gallon of ice cream. My roommate, Cathy, came out and talked to me cause she could tell I was upset. I told her about Rob and what he had told me and I didn’t know what to do and I couldn’t get ahold of my mom on the phone. … I had been calling my mom for a few weeks now, telling her about Rob and my feelings for him and wanting to be in his life and what advice does she have for me. The whole time Mom had been trying to give it to me easy. You know: Maybe he’s just in your life to be a good friend and then you’ll move on. I would respond with something like, “If I don’t marry Rob, I won’t ever get married. How can you see the best and marry for second?” So Cathy comforted me and suggested maybe I should ask for a blessing from a friend in the ward.

What a great idea! So who to ask? I almost called up Rob. No, bad plan. How about Dave? No, he’s the roommate, can’t do that. So I called up my next closest friend, Kurt. I had no romantic feelings for Kurt and sensed he had some deeper issues than I wanted to deal with. But I loved playing ping-pong with him (yes, he’s the same Kurt from that first night of ping-pong) and he was pretty good. We talked sometimes for a while, but I knew he and I were going nowhere. So I called him. By now it’s almost midnight and curfew in the building is midnight. Sometimes, though, breaking the rules for something like a blessing isn’t a bad thing.

So Kurt gave me a blessing. He asked what it was about and I told him I didn’t want to really tell him. So guided only by the Spirit he gave me a blessing and I was touched by it. In the blessing I was told I would be prepared for whatever answer was coming to me. I was also told that although I couldn’t get ahold of my mom, I would be able to pray and reach Heavenly Father. Now how could Kurt have known any of that? And it turned out to be true, all of it. I wasn’t able to get ahold of my mom for about a week, which was an eternity considering how often I’d been calling her. And I was also prepared for Rob’s answer, though I’m pretty sure now that I wouldn’t have been without the blessing to calm me and give me direction.

written Spring 2006

October 1, 2000 – Grandma D’s House for Dinner and a Phone Call

October 1, 2000 – Grandma D’s House for Dinner and a Phone Call

This was another weird night. Rob and I went to Grandma and Grandpa D’s house for dinner along with an old companion of Rob’s, Elder Bird. I don’t know his first name. But he was married or engaged, and his significant other was there, too. Anyways, the phone call was awkward. I was trying to be supportive of Rob, but I didn’t know him still quite that well and felt I was in the way. Besides, I don’t know German and the whole phone call was in German. I just knew that an old investigator was now having trouble. I also knew that this old investigator was half in love with Rob. Weird. So the phone call was weird and I half (well, maybe even more than half) wished I hadn’t been there for that part.

The other part about that night that was funny was Grandma D’s reaction to me. I wore my normal-for-the-time attire over to her house. I wore baggy pants and an old ratty sweatshirt (I loved those clothes and wore them well after they should have been thrown away), along with my Sambas covered in paint from my job at the golf course. A few days later it was reported to Rob’s mom that I wore combat boots over to Grandma D's house. This is still a running joke and my Dad likes to tease me about it. Not that I wouldn’t wear combat boots if I owned them, cause I would. But I didn’t own them.

Rob’s family was a little funny to me. They talked about everything, even about what the girl Rob was dating was wearing. By this point I think I had probably already talked to C, Rob's oldest sister. Rob one day said, “My sister wants to call you.” Why, I asked. “Just cause she wants to.” That’s weird. We weren’t engaged or anything. I remember it being weird that C called me, but she was pleasant enough to talk to. I remember telling her that it was obvious that Rob wanted to get married. She was like, “You think?!” I told Rob afterward that it seemed most people thought we were going to get married. Not that I objected to that, but it was so early in our relationship.

written Spring 2006

September 30, 2000 – Our First Kiss Again

September 30, 2000 – Our First Kiss Again

I sent Rob a few e-mails during the week because I missed him and didn’t quite feel like I could initiate contact. We were starting over, right? So I sent him a few e-mails and talked about his concert on Friday night. I had gone to a corn maze with my family and really wanted to see Rob but it was late. So I e-mailed him. I think I ended up hanging out in the parking lot Friday night the 29th until he showed up, just so I could see him. He replied to those e-mails and made me laugh cause he always makes me laugh.

Saturday Rob went on his blind date with the girl Aunt Lisa set him up with. They went to a haunted house and I remember Rob saying it was a lame haunted house. I don’t know how he felt about the girl. He didn’t fall instantly in love with her, and that’s all I was hoping for: no “and Tamra, by the way, I met this girl” talks.

Rob: She was cute. When I showed up I sat around the house for awhile because she was busy doing somebody’s hair. I remember she made the comment that all of the guys that she dated got married shortly after she went on a date with them. I guess she was right. Tamra should be grateful I went on a date with her.

I don’t know how it came about, but after Rob got back from the date we walked around campus, talking. I don’t know if we were holding hands or not, but we were talking. I remember walking all over campus and thinking how secure I felt walking next to someone like Rob. JH was far from a big man, and I had a friend who always told me that if someone jumped us, JH would run away. I had no doubts that Rob would protect me and I felt very safe. My friend, Jed, later described Rob as “a real man.”

We walked and took a look at some of the artwork on campus and then sat on the benches outside the Joseph Smith Memorial Building (I think). And I don’t know how this conversation went, but I remember Rob’s excitement and energy as he told me that now there seemed to be that foundation for our relationship that he was looking for. He didn’t describe it any more than that and I didn’t question it. But somehow, this time it felt a little better. And Rob kissed me again. We kissed a little on the bench, facing each other, and hugged a little. I remember someone walked by and said, “Get a room.” It almost made me laugh.

I walked away that night again on clouds. I remember feeling like okay, here we go. He’s now just “approved” our relationship.

Since that time Rob and I have talked about what happened that week that made it so different feeling from one Saturday to the next. We’ve identified a few things within ourselves. First, we both had other people in the back of our minds. I had JH hanging on back there. But between Tuesday and Saturday I basically decided to put him out of my mind and let whatever happened between Rob and I happen and not think about JH. I didn’t write him off or anything, but I consciously decided to let him go. And Rob at this point hadn’t spoken much of AO, but I knew there was another girl. And he decided also to give us a shot. Plus, he had his magical moment while sweeping the floors on Wednesday of that week, and that gave him a lot of the foundation he’d been looking for.

Rob: My moment sweeping the floors was fantastic. So, I had an early morning janitorial job. I cleaned up after art students from 5 am to 8 am every morning. On that Wednesday, I had the radio on as usual and I was just lost in my world of mops and brooms thinking about Tamra. As I was sweeping I was just filled with this love for her. I realized how comfortable I was around her. I could be myself around her. She laughed at me when I was trying to be funny. I came to the realization that it didn’t matter if anybody else disapproved of my relationship, I approved of it. I cared for Tamra and liked being with her. I could be Robert Thacker and she loved me for that. That made me happy.

written Spring 2006

September 26, 2000 – Let’s Start Over Talk

September 26, 2000 – Let’s Start Over Talk

So we’ve had our we should date other people talk and I thought that was the end of it. We’re on our way to devotional together, holding hands, when Rob says we need to talk. I’m thinking, okay, didn’t we just talk? But I’m wanting to talk, too, cause Saturday was just a weird day. Rob proceeds to tell me over the next hour that he isn’t sure how he feels about me and he wants to start over. This should mean no kissing, holding hands, etc. He just doesn’t feel like there’s a base for our relationship and wants to feel that there is before we go any further.

Rob: I admit this set back being mostly my insecurity with how I felt about Tamra. I needed to be comfortable with our relationship in public. I also needed to figure out if these other girls I have previously mentioned were really going to be a part of me. I was divided and didn’t feel that our relationship should continue until I had come to terms with a few things.

Well now I’m pretty mad. How many guys had I kissed in my lifetime to that point? Two. How many people, guys or girls, have I even let close to me? Not many more. So when he says that he kissed me but isn’t sure how he feels about me, I’m pretty bugged. Cause I had been in the past a really slow mover. I dated JH and EW both for quite a while before even thinking about kissing. I spent a lot of time thinking about liking them before dating them. And here’s this guy that full-speeded us into kissing only to tell me four days later that he isn’t sure how he feels about me. Yeah. I’m mad.

So off I go. I wander around campus. I go to the WILK and buy a BYU chocolate milk shake (they’re SO good) and probably one of their brownies as well (also SO good). I go and say mean things about Rob in my head and I write a poem to let off some steam. The poem is about the stupid men in my life, and the list now includes Rob.

And then I feel better (chocolate milk shakes will do that) and I feel that I should go apologize. I write Rob a note, then buy him a German-English Dictionary at the BYU Bookstore (it’s like $30) cause he had told me earlier than he wanted/needed one. It’s a nice one. I find him back at his apartment and present him with the note, the dictionary and the receipt in case he needs to return it, and an apology. I told him it was fine to go back and start over and he could now dictate the pace and that would be fine. I wouldn’t be initiating so many things. (Well, I probably didn’t say that much out loud to him, but that’s what I was thinking my new plan was.) Come to find out that he already bought himself a German-English Dictionary. I felt a little dumb. He didn’t buy the kind I gave him cause it was more expensive, but it was the kind he wanted. So I was happy about that. Besides, it was a peace-offering. I wasn’t about to take it back. He could if he wanted, but he needed to know the peace-offering had been given.

written Spring 2006

September 24, 2000 – Let’s Date Other People Talk

September 24, 2000 – Let’s Date Other People Talk

Saturday had confused both of us. I liked Rob and he liked me, this much we knew, but the whole day had just felt weird. Rob and I both felt it. So Rob sat down with me in the Broadbent Hall lobby couch and said he thought we should date other people. I told him that was fine with me. He had a date that coming Saturday and I told him that it was fine if he went. It seemed weird to me that he was even having this conversation with me because we weren’t exclusively dating. Well, we were spending a ton of time together, but we didn’t have a “relationship” yet. But here I am giving him permission to date other people. Weird.

written Spring 2006

September 23, 2000 – Hike to Upper Silver Lake

September 23, 2000 – Hike to Upper Silver Lake

I wanted to go to Upper Silver Lake, where Ruben died. I had wanted to go before the snow started in the mountains and I was running out of time. I realized that it had to be this weekend or not until spring. So I convinced Rob to go with me. Originally I had another person going with me, Cathy, one of my roommates, but decided I wanted to go with him alone. I felt I could trust him at this point, and besides I couldn’t kiss Rob with Cathy around.

Rob probably should have said he couldn’t go. He had a test on Monday, later on Saturday was the BYU game and I think he had something on Sunday as well. A busy weekend. But he’s a nice guy, like I said, so he took me (I remember now that he hesitated at first cause it was a bad weekend, so I pulled out that my brother had drowned up there to make him feel bad and take me. I had wanted to wait until we got to the top to tell him, but I really wanted him to come and share that moment with me). I was a weekend too late and it had already started snowing. His poor ’89 LaBaron had a hard time getting up there. You don’t have to off-road it to get up there, but close. The car made it and we made the hike. We stopped every now and then to kiss and cuddle and that was fun. We had the trail to ourselves. We got to the top and I don’t think I told him too many details cause I didn’t know him well yet. He gave me space to think and cry and held me when I wanted it.

We hiked back down and I remember Rob started singing “Anything can happen in the woods. May I kiss you? …” I was FREAKED out. We laugh about this now. But here I am, this young, helpless, little girl compared to Rob and I’ve trusted him enough to bring him up here alone where he could do anything to me that he wants to and he starts singing a creepy song?

Rob: So I didn’t really think about this being creepy. It is a song from the musical Into the Woods that I was a part of in High School. I was trying to be funny. Obviously, it didn’t work.

We got back in to Provo and went to the BYU football game together where we’re cuddling and holding hands and all that. B looked a little confused and not approving. I thought he looked a little jealous that his brother had someone to be with other than him.

Rob: Really, B’s look was because my last conversation with him was one of the days I didn’t really like Tamra. I think I had decided to not date her anymore or something. His look was one of shock and confusion. Looking back on it, it was a difficult day because I liked Tamra, yet some of those feelings of insecurity came back once I was with her in public. It might have had something to do with her dressing like a boy once again and the fact that Tamra was a little different. I struggled with wondering what other people were thinking of me, being with her. I know it sounds dumb but it was true. I believe this is one of the reasons I dated Rachel B in High School. It was a preparation for some of the things I needed personally to overcome.

written Spring 2006

September 22, 2000 – Movie with FHE Sisters and the First Kiss

September 22, 2000 – Movie with FHE Sisters and the First Kiss

Of course here I am still confused. Here’s this guy that I am hoping and praying likes me, but I’m not sure. We held hands at the German film, but then, the day after that, we held hands across campus after Rob’s BYU Men’s Chorus gig in the WILK and I remember it just feeling really weird. And of course I still have JH in the back of my mind. Should I tell him about this Rob guy? But what do I tell him? Right this second he’s not my boyfriend or fiancé and maybe three weeks from now I won’t even be associating with him. I decide not to tell JH, but I’m feeling some strong feelings for Rob.

Friday night, the 22nd, we go to one of the FHE sister’s homes. It’s her parents’ house and we’re in the basement, like the 6 or 7 of us. It’s fun to be together and I’m holding Rob’s hand. There’s no question what claim I’m staking. I’m not trying to be subtle about it. And one of the FHE sisters, I don’t even remember her name, kept trying to flirt with Rob. She would tickle him and touch him, blah, blah, blah, and I wasn’t happy. I was jealous! I thought it very annoying that she was here trying to flirt with the guy I was claiming as mine! Plus she was one of those people that thought they were all that and you just wanted to punch half the time. I had figured out she had a thing for Rob and I was vaguely annoyed by that but I couldn’t imagine Rob going for someone like THAT. Incidentally, neither could Rob. She wasn’t a real threat.

That night we came home and Rob and I stood outside the back entrance to my building (my apartment was closest to that entrance, it was easier and not as many people went in that way. Not that it was private. People were always going by). We stood there for like 2 hours but to me it seemed like an eternity.

Okay, I’ll preface this night with a dream I had. A few days before this I had a dream that Rob kissed me. I kept not wanting to be kissed and not wanting to be kissed and then he kissed me and I loved it.

So we’re standing there and I know what Rob wants. I kept backing up as much as I could without looking TOO uncomfortable. I figured I was as backed up as I could be without being rude. I wanted to just say good night and walk inside, but somehow I knew I just couldn’t. I knew that Rob wanted a kiss and I somehow knew I couldn’t get away that night without giving him one (or letting him take one, whichever). His FHE sisters walked by as we’re standing there talking and holding hands facing each other. They giggled. Rob gave me some ultra-lame line about how he had never kissed a girl with braces before and I almost laughed out loud. Here I am thinking, “Does that mean he’s never kissed a girl while she had braces on or while he had braces on?” and “Does he know how LAME that just sounded?” I felt so sorry for Rob. Well, sorry and amused at the same time. I could tell he liked me and wanted to kiss me and here he is, a newly returned missionary, and has NO IDEA what to do with girls. He’s nervous as all get out and here I am thinking, “That was the lamest thing I’ve ever heard.”

I let him kiss me. And after all the fighting I did, I loved it. Okay, I didn’t actually like how Rob kissed. Rob didn’t like the way I kissed, either. But I loved that it was him kissing me and me kissing him. I think I floated inside the building.

written Spring 2006

September 20, 2000 – German Film and Holding Hands

September 20, 2000 – German Film and Holding Hands

Of course, here I am all confused. I like this guy, but does he like me? A few days ago I was wondering if he really liked me and yesterday we flirted hard. Does he like me or doesn’t he? Is it in my head? Was he just playing? … Still, I couldn’t wait until the next moment we would be together.

Rob invited me to a movie that I didn’t care at all about. At BYU there is a little tiny International Film theater that is free. I loved it, cause it was free and sometimes they showed really good movies. Well, for Rob’s German class, if you went to go see a German film you could get extra credit. I have no idea what the movie was, but it was horrible. Really truly horrible. Of course Rob and I were flirting, but we didn’t have any idea what the movie was about, the sound wasn’t great so Rob was having a hard time understanding the movie anyway and we ended up just giggling and joking the whole time. And then all the I-like-you tension culminated in holding hands. I remember melting as he held my hand that first time. I probably put my head on his shoulder, just melting into him.

We walked home that night holding hands and I couldn’t have been happier.

written Spring 2006

September 19, 2000 – Devotional

September 19, 2000 – Devotional

Funny how fast things move. I don’t know how it came about, but we ended up sitting next to each other at devotional. We flirted a lot and I remember feeling the butterflies of falling in love and wanting to touch the other person but not really knowing how to do it. So we flirted and had fun with that butterfly feeling and milked it for all it was. That was a fun devotional, and I don’t think I got a spiritual thing out of it.

written Spring 2006