First Things First

Money has been on my mind a lot lately.  Which makes sense, because our financial world changed over night.  I don't have a lot figured out, but I wanted to tell you some pretty exciting stuff:

First Things First
With Rob's first paycheck, we paid off his smallest remaining student loan.

Second Things Second
With Rob's second paycheck, we paid off the next-to-last student loan.

That means we only have 1 left.  We knocked out half our debt, equalling just over $100 a month in debt payments.  Also, we can afford Christmas like never before.  We're not spending a ton on ourselves, but we've been able to buy some killer gifts for loved ones, and that feels amazing.

Last Things Last
And everything else I can't figure out about money, it can just be ignored for now.  Which car should we buy in 2013?  Should we really just wait for the van to die or do we want to pre-emptively strike the car market?  Do we want to upgrade house in the next few years?  Does that mean a slightly bigger house, a bigger yard, or should we save up and build our own after saving for a few more years?  Do we want to re-do the basement on our current house?  Do we want to make our current house our forever house?  Do I want to take a trip to Hawaii or Peru?  If our current house becomes our forever house, could I afford a trip to both Hawaii AND Peru?


And now you see why I've been thinking about money a lot.  We've never had so many options. 

It's fun to dream.

Aphorisms, Who Needs 'Em?

You guys know what aphorisms are?  (Yes, my freakish English-loving friends, I know that YOU know what they are.  But all the normal people may not.) 

Here are some examples:
An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
When one door closes, another door opens.
Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.

They're like these quippy little phrases that are supposed to pass on some deep life lesson.  Except that most of them are uber-lame and ultra-sappy.

We had to go over a list of them in ASL class today.  (What does it mean?  How would you interpret it?)  This was a problem for 2 reasons:  1 - I'm SO mentally done with school right now, and 2 - I hate aphorisms.

I just don't feel like life can be tied up nicely in a little bow and made pretty with a quotable sentence that makes us feel better about challenges.


I've come up with my own aphorisms over the years.  Ones that I feel are less sappy, more accurate, and more helpful.  I would now like to share those with you:

Normal Version:  When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
Tamra's Version:  When life gives you lemons, that sucks!

Normal Version:  Anything worth doing is worth doing well.
Tamra's Version:  Anything worth doing is worth doing well enough.
Alternate Version:  Good enough is good enough.

And my own creation:  Family is Chaos.

You know what makes me feel better about challenges?  Knowing that I'm awesome and I can totally do it.  That's not a sentence.  It's a lifestyle.

Elijah Thacker for President

I would be a great president because I will put everything square and fair.  If you make more you pay more.  If you make less you pay less.  If you donate I will make more of what you donate.  Even if it is food, cash, aqipment, and so on.  When you get sick it will be free to a dieing matter to a scrape that you can't see.  You will be able to get money tell your not poor.  When you do a good deed it will be announced.  You can make the amount of money that you diserve.  Like everyone else you can do alot more.  How can it be better?  More people can travel anywhere.  Costs will go down and less property will be built on.  So ... ALECT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...

Looks like we elected the wrong guy president.  Elijah would rock it out! 

Personally, my favorite part is that our good deeds will be announced.  What a feel-good nation this would be if we all praised each other a little more.

Opinions Needed, Please

For years we've been using an uber-lame snowman advent calendar that my Mom bought for $1 on clearance.  I'm not complaining; the kids have loved it.  But it's time to move on.  Seriously.

(Note:  If you would like to be the proud owner of an uber-lame snowman advent calendar, let me know.  This beauty could be yours!)

I looked around on-line at the offerings and I've picked out two that I would be equally happy with.  Tell me what you like!:

Magnet Advent Tins:

http://www.etsy.com/shop/MooreMagnets?section_id=10051700

Fun, right?  She has other countdowns available, too.  Those tops are removable - so I could switch out for birthday countdowns, first day of school count downs, etc.  Not sure I'd ever want to, but there it is.

Wall Hanging Advent:

http://www.landofnod.com/all-shapes-and-sizes-countdown-calendar/f8722

Simple, fun, not cheesy.  Check.

What do you think?  Opinions needed.

A Story with a Moral

We were driving in the car - Rob, me, Tank, and Elijah - listening to music and enjoying it when suddenly this happens:

Elijah:  I came up with a story that has a moral.

Rob and I look at each other.  I turn off the radio. 

Rob:  Tell us your story.

Elijah:  Okay.  There's a man and he is addicted to drugs and doesn't do good things.  There's also a naughty man and a wise man.  Then there are three samples.  One is a little, one is medium, and one is a lot.

Rob:  What is the sample?

Elijah:  It's just a sample of something.  The man addicted to drugs chooses the big sample.  The naughty man chooses the medium sample, and the wise man chooses the small sample.  The small sample lasts the longest.  Why?

Tamra:  I thought this was a story.  You're supposed to tell us.

Elijah:  No, you tell me why.

Tamra:  So, it's a riddle, then.

Elijah:  No, a story.

Rob:  You go ahead and tell us why, bud.

Elijah:  Well, the big sample runs out first because the bad man takes it home and uses it all up fast.  The naughty man uses his sample slower, but still fast.  And the wise man's sample lasts a long time because he is wise and uses it only a little bit.

Rob:  Nice.  So the moral is to be wise and use our resources sparingly?

Elijah:  Yeah.

Cute, no? 

Also to be noted:  Elijah is our child who is hyper concerned about wasting things.  "Don't drink the milk!" he'll say, "You'll waste it!"  "We shouldn't drive anywhere!  We'll waste gas!"  We frequently have discussions about this.  (And it's funny that he's so concerned about the topic, because he's the child who often takes food and then doesn't finish it.  Which, you know, actually IS wasting.)

Note number two:  Sometimes I'm not sure that English is Elijah's first language.  He often has these things to say, and they're deep, powerful things, but he can't quite spit them out.  You can feel them, hovering right behind his tongue, but refusing to come out right.  I'm convinced that if we could all speak Elijah, we'd be amazed at the kid's wisdom and strength.

What's Been Going Down?

Rob's Job
Rob is finishing up his Tuesday/Thursday NKU class, so that's limiting his travel.  Meaning that he essentially is doing no traveling at all until that's over.  And by the time NKU is finished, it'll be December, and December is a slow month at the company.  So after a very, very slow week where Rob stared at the wall and wondered what in the heck he was supposed to be doing with his time, his boss called him and told him that he recognized that this was an akward situation and that Rob was probably feeling like right now there wasn't much for him to do.  Then he said, "Enjoy the time with your family."  I was like, "See, Rob?  You can stop feeling guilty now."  (Rob seems to like feeling guilty.  I reject guilt as a fairly useless emotion.  I don't know why he keeps it around.  Icky thing.)

Essentially Rob is being paid to be a stay-at-home Dad.  I'm not going to complain about that.

It is kinda funny, though, to watch Rob do some familiar things.  I come home from school, etc., and he's like, "Hi.  How was your day?  What are you doing?  Do you want to talk about it?  What are you doing later?  Wanna watch a movie?  Wanna hang out?"  Okay, not quite like that, but sort of.  I told him he's a mere weeks away from screaming, "If you don't take me on a date this weekend where we actually leave this house, it's over between us!" 

Tamra's School
This semester is done in a month!  Praises.

I realized a few weeks ago that part of what was hurting so much in terms of my relationship with school is that my focus became school instead of everything else in my life.  I enjoy school, and I work hard for sure, but it's a side note in my life.  That's where I determined it to be, and that's where it shall stay.  But it had taken a more primary role, and it was throwing everything else off.

I re-focused.  I decided that weekend times were once again family time, and to hell with homework.  I read more books with the kids.  I played Legos.  I cuddled with Tank.  We've all benefited from this.

Also, Rob is now being paid to take care of things at home.  This has helped a ton.

But his job situation has also created a large question mark over my future job situation.  We'd been aiming at a full-time job for me, but that's not necessary any more, and not even neccessarily desirable if Rob's going to be home during the days sometimes and traveling other times.  It would drive me CRAZY to work full-time if he was here, and if we didn't need the money as a driving force to keep me out there.

So we're re-evaluating all that.  We've come to some good conclusions and our future looks pretty awesome.  We are so excited about it all.  We have a good little life.

The Kids' Halloween
You remember a while back that I told you that Miciah made Tank a Halloween costume?  I'm finally posting pictures of it:

It's a robot, of course!  And it was a hit.  He got ridiculous amounts of candy from adults who were jealous that they didn't have the same exact costume when they were 6 years old.  Miciah was like, "Wait, that's not fair. I made it and Tank gets the extra candy?"  They shared the candy anyway, so it all worked out.

Miciah was Little Bo Peep.  She was going for Pioneer Girl, or Pilgrim or something, but she walked upstairs and Rob said, "What are you?  Little Bo Peep?"  Love that Miciah girl, she said, "I can be!  I have a sheep downstairs!"  She's awesome.

Elijah walked around trying to be scary for weeks.  He was just cute, not scary.  But we'll take it.

And that's life around here.  Loving what we've got.

On Motivation

I've been getting some feedback about school and interpreting.  The feedback is that I need more Drive, Passion, and Energy.

I didn't know how to take that last part.  I've never been accused of not having enough energy.  I told my mentor, "I'll give you my siblings' phone numbers.  They've described me as "bubbly," "bouncy," and "excitable.""

But the first part, Drive and Passion, I flat out told this mentor that she's going to be waiting a long time, if she's waiting to see that in me.  I gave up Drive and Passion years back.  It went something like this.

I was 21.  I had a toddler and a newborn.  I'd just moved across the country and I had no friends.  I had post-partum depression but didn't know it.  I felt HORRID and I didn't know why I should still be a mother tomorrow.  One of my M.O.s is that often I would rather run away than face life.  I can be heard to say that it would be wonderful to go to sleep and never wake up.  It could be OVER.  Wouldn't that be great?  ...  No.  I'm not depressed.  That's just my fall-back response.

Anyways, I hit a moment when I had to decide.  I had to decide if this is what I wanted.  I was 21, doing "nothing" with my life, with a terrible toddler and a needy newborn.  This was Motherhood?  This is what I wanted?

Eventually I figured it out.  For me, it looked like Acceptance.  Letting it go.  I took everything I had thought I wanted from my life - all the accomplishments, the travel, the goals - and I threw them out the window.  I started over.  The life I had then, with the kids and the husband in grad school and the no money, it was a good life.  Not only that, but it was Heavenly Father's plan for me.  And I liked it!

That feeling has expanded over time.  I accept the Universe as it is, and I accept my place within it.  I will die, whenever that is, having been what I was - insignificant at large, significant to a few, and happy all the while.  That isn't depressing, it's amazing!  It's a gift.  A treasure.

So when my mentor suggested that I make some Goals, find some Passion and Drive, I just said, "Umm, that's not going to happen."  I do set goals in life, and I meet them.  I have goals in interpreting, too.  But if I don't ever accomplish them, that's okay.  Where am I headed with interpreting?  That's hard to say.  I don't want to limit my vision.  On top of that, Passion and Drive aren't my gig.  Acceptance, for me, is the only thing that has ever brought me lasting Happiness.  To which my mentor said, "Yes, you are very good at Acceptance."

I still don't think she got it.  She kept saying, "You always have your Plan B."  But that's not it at all.  I'm not shielding myself from heartache by accepting potential failure.  It's Acceptance.  I recognize that my goals may not allign, in the end, with the Plan.  I am on a path that I like, and I will stay on it until directed otherwise.  There is a Plan outside my control.  It is bigger and better than I can even fathom.

Now if you want Hard Work and Dedication, I have that.  Is that not good enough?

Announcement: Rob Got a New Job!

The Short Story

Rob has a new job!  He'll be working for Amnis, a company that sells a scientific data analysis machine.  He'll be a Field Scientist / Analyst for the Midwest region.  It starts November 5th and will pay him more money than he's currently making with all 4 of his jobs combined.  Hurray!

If you'd like the longer story, read on.  It's kind of a neat story.

The Back Story

A few months ago Rob's boss, Edith, who is a lovely woman, told Rob that she didn't have money for him beginning some time mid-2013.  She didn't want to let him go without him having another job, so she asked him to start looking around.  This wasn't unexpected.  When Rob started work with Edith in 2010, he knew that she had guaranteed money for him for 3 years, but not necessarily longer. 

So Rob started looking.  We still wanted to stay in Cincinnati, so the plan was to look around here, then extend the search if something local didn't pan out.  There are three faculty positions opening for local universities that he was looking at, one of them at NKU.  That's still a long shot.  The other two are only for one, possibly two years.  So not ideal.  And the position at Mount St. Joseph (that Rob was the runner-up for 2 years ago) hasn't materialized the way they said it would.

So local seemed unlikely.  Our fall-back plan was for Rob to step up his adjuncting and for me to work full-time as an interpreter starting next fall.  Not the best, but workable.

The Real Story

Seemingly unconnected to anything else job-seeking-related, Rob attended a scientific conference at the end of September.  His co-worker and friend mentioned that it was a good place to network.  Rob kind of ho-hummed the idea.  On Thursday night, when he arrived, we talked on the phone.  The conversation went something like this:

Tamra:  When someone offers you a job tomorrow, you should say yes.
Rob:  Yeah, okay, whatever.
Tamra:  No.  Really.  Someone's going to offer you a job tomorrow, and you should say yes.

Every once in a long while, there are things that I know without knowing how.  It wasn't IF but WHEN.  Thankfully it doesn't happen often, because it makes me sound like a crazy person.

On Friday night Rob called and said, "So, how serious are we about looking into industry?"  He explained that he'd met with some people from a particular company and they were looking for someone to fill a particular spot in that company.  I was like, "Rob, that's your job!"  (Okay, it wasn't a job offer, but it was close, no?  Gotta admit my premonition was spookily accurate.)

Rob basically spent all weekend following them around, asking them questions about what they do and what their schedules are like and what the company is like.  The company reps spent time watching Rob give a presentation and being generally impressed by him.  They told him to send in his resume as soon as possible.  Preferably the minute he got home. 

It Gets Going

On Monday, Oct. 1st, he sent in his resume and cover letter.  Within an hour he got a phone call to set up a phone interview for Tuesday, Oct. 2nd.
On Wednesday, Oct. 3rd, he got another phone call to set up a phone interview in 45 minutes from then.  The guy said, "Normally things don't happen this fast, but you've really caused a stir around here.  How do you know these guys?"
On Thursday, Oct. 4th, he got a phone call setting up an in-person interview at company head quarters in Seattle.

The interview was Thursday the 11th.  It went amazingly well.  The more Rob learned about the company and the people who work there, the happier he was to potentially work for them.  And the more they learned about Rob, the more positive things they had to say about him.  They did everything except formally offer him the job.

At the end of last week, after what seemed like a very long week, Rob got a phone call saying that they were going to offer him the job.  It was nice of them to tell us before the weekend so we could have our lives back.  This week he got the formal offer, negotiated a little, signed the final offer, and things are off and running!

About the Job and The Lord's Plan

We feel extremely grateful for all of this.  Rob and I have been praying for years that a job would be prepared for him.  We both assumed that would mean a job in academia, as a professor.  But it just so happens that all of his skill sets, that he's been working on for years, or even decades, align perfectly with this job.  Check it out:

- Rob has been teaching on the side for 4 years, to eventually impress a university.  He had been told this is what he needed to do.  Pay his dues.  Guess who wasn't impressed with Rob's teaching experience?  A single university.  Guess who WAS impressed?  Amnis. 

- Rob has been using this machine for years during his post-doc work.  He's won awards with this machine and his ability to use it to analyze his data.  People in the lab come to him to help them with it.  And it just so happens that the people who make this machine are looking for an expert who uses this highly specialized equipment?  What are the chances?

- It's a bonus that Rob speaks German.  The company that owns Amnis, called Millipore, or maybe it's Merck that owns Millipore...  Merck owns Millipore owns Amnis.  Either way, one of those two is based in Germany.  They're looking to expand there.  How many American companies think it's a bonus for their employees to speak German?  Honestly, Rob has been so bummed over the years that his German has defiantly not come in handy.

And then there are other things that are just perfect for us:
- You have to be a people person.  Check.
- You have to be okay with travel.  This is a little scarier for Rob than it is for me.  My dad traveled when I was a kid, and he still does, so it seems normal and natural for me.  It'll be a lifestyle change, for sure, but one we can handle and one I think we'll end up really liking.
- Rob gets to work from home when he's not traveling.  SCORE!
- We don't have to move.  We can live anywhere in the Midwest area that's close enough to an airport to make traveling convenient.  As an added bonus, there's an Amnis machine at Children's, and Rob already has a ton of connections there. 

We feel so blessed.  Heavenly Father is good to us.

So when you see Rob next, tell him congrats.  We're both really excited about this change and what it will mean for our family and our lives and our future!

Teancom Attends a Party

Teancom was invited to a class mate's Halloween party tonight.  You should have seen how excited he's been all week.  Tonight came and he nearly jumped into his costume and ran out the door.  He was chatty and happy the whole way there.

Then we arrived.

It was a huge party.  It must have been a family party, because there were older kids there, too.  Like, Miciah's age.  There were swarms of people.  Probably about 10 just standing in the kitchen when we walked in.  There were more outside and downstairs and everywhere else.

Teancom froze.  He clung to me as I put my arms gingerly around his front.  I was reminded of the Teancom I knew a few years back.  You know, the monkey child who never left my side.  Ever.  I thought it was kind of cute until he twisted my finger so hard that I thought he was going to sprain it!

I gave a little yelp and said, "Teancom, why did you do that?"  He said, "I don't know."  I could tell that he really didn't know.

He grabbed his Halloween mask and wrung it around his hands, tighter, tighter, tighter.  "Teancom, you're going to break it."  He stopped for a moment before resuming.

The crowd started closing in.  By now, his friend from class had found him.  There must have been 20 kids, all staring at him, inches from him.  His friend said hello.  Teancom said nothing.  His friend said 4 sentences to him.  Teancom said nothing.

I turned Teancom so he would look at me and said I was going to leave and that he'd have fun.  He said a terse, "Stop!" and walked away.  He didn't walk away with his friend.  He just walked away.  Like he was in a daze.

I shrugged, assumed that he'd find something fun to do, and I left.

When Rob came to pick him up 3 hours later, the hostess said that Teancom stood by a tree for a good part of the party, quietly crying.  They finally did an activity he wanted to do, and he was fine after that.

Also, a swarm of girls followed him around all night.  He was the only boy his age at the party.  Poor Teancom.  Cursed with the horrible combination of his father's cosmic pull on girls (Rob repeatedly had his shirts ripped by girls who chased him in elementary school), along with epic levels of shyness.  Heaven help him.

The Other Side of the Mountain

(This post will sound a little vague.  Sorry.  But be patient.  I'll let you in on the rest of the story soon.)

So apparently Zen Tamra was a preparation for the last few weeks.  I think I failed, but I didn't fail miserably, so I guess there's some honor to be had.

I've been waiting for something to happen.  It's really been fast, but not fast enough, you know?  I was patient and I had a good attitude about it.  And then, the day came when it was over.  My patience was officially gone. 

Do you know what's on the other side of Patience?  I thought it would be despondency.  But it turns out that for me it's Anger. 

I was in the middle of my sign-to-voice class, where we watch videos and everyone takes a turn voicing what is signed.  It was a more difficult video, and I wasn't excited about it.  I walked into the room after finishing a voicing test and the teacher, whom I love and adore, said, "Oh, Tamra.  We just finished, but you can voice the last part for us."  I played it off.  "No, that's okay.  I don't want to slow up the class.  Feel free to just move on."  She insisted, "Everyone else had to.  So you can, too."  I said something like, "That's sweet.  I appreciate you giving me this opportunity."

Then I voiced and wasn't into it.  I was already Done with life in general.  A few minutes in I lost it, "I don't know.  This is lousy.  I'm not in the mood.  Just turn it off."  Seriously, I totally lost it.  The rest of the class was like, "You did a good job!" etc., but I was like, "This is total BS."  I didn't say that, thankfully (see, it was just a fail, not a fail miserably), but it was a complete crash and burn.  No saving face possible.

After class was over, I walked out to my car, pissed at life in general.  Typically when I'm angry, the anger has a very specific source and focus.  But this was a strange kind of anger with no real target.  If you were standing there, I'd probably have wanted to cuss you out, just because you were close to me.  A blind, pervasive anger.  Pretty toxic.

Within minutes of arriving at my car, there was a phone call from my husband.  He informed me that the thing I'd been wanting to happen was happening.  It wasn't a definite, but it was movement.  And it helped me be calmer.

I sat outside and soaked up the sunshine.  I ate something.  I listened to some podcasts.  I watched the wind blow. 

My teacher ended up passing by about an hour after class was finished.  I apologized for my sub-par behavior and she told me it was okay.  She said, "If you did it every time, we'd have a talk.  But it was an isolated event."  I thanked her for being understanding and we talked for a while.  She's a lovely person.

...  Today things have calmed.  I woke up and the last bit of my despondency and anger had lifted.  Kind of like magic.  I was so happy to feel good again that I almost started crying.  I feel light and happy and ...  and I feel like ME.  I didn't realize how much stress I'd been under for the last few weeks until it was no longer weighing me down.

So, welcome back, Zen Tamra.  I've missed you. 

Guess What?

 

Miciah turned 11 today.

 

We printed off a birthday card made on the computer, including the above png image.  Then we colored in the letters with crayon and signed our names.  We gave her $3 to buy lunch at school.  Miciah thought it was great.

 

I asked her how it feels to be 11.  She said, "Well, it doesn't feel any different, but I have butterflies in my stomach."  I said, "Huh.  That must be how it feels to be 11."  And she said, "No.  That's just how I always feel on my birthday."  Cute.

 

a picture of her school picture

 

the creature in her natural habitat

 

 

Miciah Can Dance!

At the end of 4th grade, a parent at Miciah's school organized the 4th and 5th graders into a dance troupe to do a number for the school Talent Show.  Miciah was so excited to do it!  It's swing dancing! 

So she performed a few times in May-ish.  Then she performed again at a Swing Dance expo in downtown Cincinnati in August.  Rob and I were out of town, so we missed it.  But another parent videotaped it and put it on youtube.  Here it is, for you to enjoy:



And the link:  http://youtu.be/WWpqzkVumz0

Miciah is in the back right.  She's wearing a blue skirt and matching blue shirt.  No, not the one in front of her wearing a lighter blue skirt and shirt.  No, not the girl next to her and more in the middle also wearing a similar color blue. 

Apparently the crowd loved it and gave them a standing ovation.  Then, all weekend people were telling the parent organizer that the school dance troupe was their favorite part of the expo.  Cute!

Also, thank you parents with talents who choose to involve my children in wonderful things.  You guys ROCK!

Odds and Ends

- For Evan, who can't view my embedded video, here's the link for the song that I posted about the other day.

- As a follow-up to my last post about the story:  I signed it in ASL and took the view that the lion's feelings were so hurt that it felt like he was dying physically and emotionally.  Seems pretty lame for the king of beasts to be so torn up about something like that, but I'm going to assume he was a really sweet guy and that's why he was so sad about it all.  (I wasn't in a performance mood when I did the story, so I'm sure there was something lacking in my telling.  But other than that, it went well.)

- The other day I was reading with Tank.  His skills have improved a lot in the last 2 months.  So, after he had read particularly well on a page, I told him, "Tank, you're getting so good at reading!  I'm so proud of you."  And wouldn't you know that my daughter decides it's a good time to chime in with, "Yeah, but you're still not as good as me."  I just stopped and gawked at her.  Then I kinda told her off.  She felt bad that she'd made Tank feel so lousy about himself, but I think it's GOOD that she felt bad about it.  Because it was a lousy thing to say.  Sheesh.  They both got over it, though, and she actually finished reading the book with Tank later on.  She's a good big sister, she just doesn't think about what she says sometimes.  Like all of us.

- The kids have been enjoying swim lessons on Saturday mornings.  All of them do lessons and then they have time before or after when they can just play in the pool.  They think it's amazing.  We're the best parents ever.

- School was severely frustrating a few weeks ago.  I had a moment of, "Why in the hell am I doing this?!"  Then I got over it and decided that I should keep going to school anyway.  I enjoy it, for sure, but the learning process sometimes is more painful than I'd like.

- Things are going really well around here.  We're for the most part healthy and happy.  Praises be.

The Meaning of the Story?

Okay.  For my ASL class I have to perform a fable.  I would say interpret, but it's not interpreting.  It's story-telling.  It's performance.

You know how I suck at story-telling in English?  Well, I'm pretty good at it in ASL.  Go figure.

Anyways, the fable is called The Sick Lion.  It goes like this:

A Lion had come to the end of his days and lay sick unto death at the mouth of his cave, gasping for breath. The animals, his subjects, came round him and drew nearer as he grew more and more helpless. When they saw him on the point of death they thought to themselves: "Now is the time to pay off old grudges." So the Boar came up and drove at him with his tusks; then a Bull gored him with his horns; still the Lion lay helpless before them: so the Ass, feeling quite safe from danger, came up, and turning his tail to the Lion kicked up his heels into his face. "This is a double death," growled the Lion.

Moral of Aesops Fable: Only cowards insult dying majesty.

 

I understand the moral just fine, but the last statement by the Lion is kinda throwing me.  Does it mean that the Lion, in his final moments, ate the Ass?  Is the Lion implying that the animals who have insulted him have cankered their souls by insulting and injuring him in his final moments?  Or does it mean something else all together?

 

So I'm asking for your help.  What does it mean?

 

(Also, there's another version of this story that makes SO much more sense to me.  The Lion isn't actually sick, he just says he is.  When the animals come one-by-one to see how he's doing, the Lion eats them.  Genius.)

Better Than the Original

I found this song yesterday and it has been bouncing around my head ever since:



I wasn't familiar with this song, but it's so awesome that I was wondering why I wasn't.  So I went searching for the original and found out it was because this version is a gazillion times better.  Period.  The Piano Guys are pretty genius at making pop songs sound like real, full music.  I love it.

If you'd prefer it without vocals, you can find that version here.

(Side note:  The original song's music video is fun and the song itself is alright, I just don't love it.  The singer annoys me and the dance parts are a little too ... something.  (I'm obviously not a music critic.))

Meet Zen Tamra

I don't know what happened, but some time in late August I was replaced with a person I have been calling Zen Tamra.

She says things like:
- "I don't think you should talk like that to your sister."
- "Rob, that tone was a little negative.  Can we come back to this conversation at a later time?"
- "You look tired.  Can I put the kids to bed tonight?"
- "It's inappropriate to talk to me like that.  How about you go to your room and then you can come out when you're feeling nicer."

She doesn't say things like:
- "Oh, do you even want to go there?  Really?!?"
- "Are you seriously suggesting that you do more around the house than I do?"
- "No.  You're wrong.  That was just stupid."

She doesn't yell.  She doesn't get upset.  She is patient and calm.  She is ridiculously optimistic.  She prays when she doesn't know the right thing to say.  She smiles all the time.  She's the type of person that would annoy me for always being so happy if I was the type of person to get annoyed, which apparently I'm not any more.

Pretty much, she's AWESOME.

...

Strange, isn't it?

I honestly have no idea where this person came from.  I feel like it descended upon me like a lightning bolt.  And I can't go back.  There's this ... calmness about it all.  Feeling like this is SO GREAT.

I hesitated to bring it up because I keep thinking it could all go away at any moment and then it'll be like, "Well, there it all went again.  Back to normal."  But it's been about a month now of feeling this way.  The world is a very clear place.  My motivations are pure and my mind is sharp and the world is a beautiful, wonderful place.  There is optimism and love and even sappiness.  Since when did I start embracing sappiness, I ask you?

So, hello, world.  I am Zen Tamra.  Nice to meet you!

Today

I didn't sleep well last night, which is odd.  Normally I sleep great, even if I'm worried about something.  Losing sleep is just not something I do.

But last night I wasn't feeling well, so I took drugs and went to bed early.  The catch was that I still had a bunch of homework that needed done, so I had to wake up early.  That's not something I normally do, but I figured I'd still be getting 8 hours of sleep, no problem.  I was just shifting forward those 8 hours a little bit.

Well, it technically was 8 hours from the time I laid down until the time I got up, but I probably slept about half of it.  Such is life.

Here's the good part of this story.  I had been awake for about half an hour when Elijah walked out of his bedroom crying.  I asked him what was wrong and he said he'd had a bad dream.  He sat on the couch, watching me sign because he "didn't want to talk about it."  Eventually it came out that in his dream I left the family.  Just left.  Elijah told me, in his dream, that I couldn't take anything with me, not even my clothes, because I was choosing to leave.

My little mommy heart just ached for him.  I have scary dreams like that sometimes, and they feel real at the time, even if you know in your logical brain that they would never happen.

I imagine, though, what would have happened if I hadn't been up early.  He would have come into my room and I would have been groggy and not at all sympathetic.  I would have told him to go lay back down in his room or something.  Instead, I was able to hug him and love on him before leaving for the day.

Which made it worth waking up early despite not sleeping well.  Sometimes it's nice to be grateful for the little (but oh so important) things.

A Milestone and the Celebration!

Milestone

Today I would like to report on a MASSIVE life milestone.  Rob and I paid off the huge student loan!  That's right, $20,000 is finished.  Done.  Paid off.  And considering that for the last couple years we were paying anywhere from $500 - $900 a MONTH on this loan, this is a huge relief to us.

We still have 4 other small ones to pay off, but I think we'll meet some other financial goals first.  Like buying a new vehicle.  And/or a new roof.

On top of that, Rob received a real raise.  I consider it our FIRST real raise.  It didn't come with working excessively longer hours, like his extra jobs do.  So it's like free money.  Combine that with how we just paid off that loan, and our financial life just got a whole lot easier.

We're super excited about it and would love if you were super excited for us, too!  :)

Celebration

Even though we still have a little ways to go in terms of debt repayment, we took a short break from the grind and everyone chose a lifestyle upgrade.  Here's what we all chose:

For the kids, we offered them a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to buy anything they wanted.  And we told them that meant ANYthing.  Yes, Miciah, you CAN get an iPod Touch.  Yes, Elijah, you CAN get a DSi.  And that toy you want, Tank, that I told you that you could beg for at Christmas time, it's yours.  Miciah and Tank thought about it for about an hour and both of them came up with their final answer:

Miciah -

Harry Potter Lego Hogwarts Castle.  She's been asking for it for years, but I've always balked at the price.  I have to admit that it's a pretty neat set.

Tank -

The JLX OverDrive.  It's All Terrain, which means it'll even go on water.  It does really cool tricks and is pretty much the awesomest remote control vehicle ever.  Also, he purchased OverDrive's baby cousin, the JLX MicroDrive, which is perfect for indoors.

Elijah, however, decided on a different toy about every 20 minutes.  He was upset when I then told him he'd have to wait a day until I purchased him anything.  He woke up saying, "Okay, I'll take a DSi, but can I change my mind when I'm at the store?"  I told him he could, but the trick was that once we purchased something, that was IT.

While we were at the store he changed his mind another 5 times, and tried to tell me he wanted a $30 toy.  This is probably the first time I ever have talked him up in price, and likely the last.  I told him that I would probably be willing to buy him a $30 toy in the future, but a $100 toy was much less likely, so go for bigger!  I went to go look at the DSi's and when we were in that section I looked around and said, "You can have a DSi or a 3DS or..." "Wait a second.  I can have a 3DS?"  "Yes!"  The kid was sold.  I don't know how he didn't realize that a 3DS was on the table.

So that's what he got.  A 3DS and several games, which ended up being a hefty purchase.  It was really sweet that afterwards he said, "Thanks, Mom.  You spent a lot of money on us today."  It was nice that he noticed.

We were happy to include the kids in the celebration, because they've sacrificed right along with us in this whole debt repayment thing (for a debt that isn't theirs, after all).  They don't complain, they don't ask for much, and they're really, really great about everything.  That's worth rewarding.

Tamra - I wanted new technology.  We went for a mid-range laptop so we could buy 2 to replace both the ancient home computer and Rob's ancient laptop.  I insisted on faster internet, which is a $5/month upgrade, and Caller ID and Call Waiting for our home phone.  (The side effect of having Caller ID is that my phone anxiety has dropped by degrees of magnitude.  I didn't realize how much I hated not knowing who was calling until my anxiety disappeared in less than 24 hours.)

I was toying with the idea of a tablet as well, but settled on the new laptop instead.  Rob really only wanted to purchase the 1 laptop, but I told him that if we bought 2, I'd drop the tablet idea.  The kids are thrilled that all those internet games that they want to play now actually work.

Rob - Rob wanted new shoes.  That's it.  A few days later, however, I insisted that he buy something that he really wants but would never purchase for himself.  I knew he would tell me he didn't need it, so I said, "Rob, I want to buy you something, so I need you to say yes before you start objecting."  He said, "No," and I said, "But I really, really want to buy it for you!  So say yes and then I'll tell you what it is."  He said "Yes," and then, when I told him what it was, he fought me for about an hour before finally hitting the Purchase button.

A way to play his music at work while he's running monotonous experiments.  Plus it's got apps, so he can upgrade his ancient Palm Pilot (I bet you didn't know that people still used those, huh?).  ...  It's basically a smart phone without the mandatory monthly data package.

Family - And lastly, a mid-range 32' flat screen TV.  We brought it home and the kids said, "Why didn't you buy a bigger one?"  Seriously?  It's like twice the size of our old TV!  We can now read the print in movies and see the scores while watching a game and see all 4 carts when the screen splits 4 ways in MarioKart Wii.

So we have now rocketed ourselves into the modern tech era.  We'd delayed so many tech purchases that we had a lot of money to spend to get us mostly current.  Not that technology brings happiness, but it does bring more ease and less frustration, and that's nice.

Hurray for paying off debt!

Writing Stories Can Be Hard

Speaking of school, this came home today and I thought it was awesome:

"I can do it!" says Stick Figure Teancom.

Hello, Blog

It seems like there's so much to write down at this point that I don't know where to start.  It's like when you pick back up your journal after so long and you've missed so much time that you can't sum it all up, or even mention all the things you want to, so you just set the journal back down without writing anything.  Like that.

Here's a snipet on how things are going for all of us, School Edition.

ROB
He has started teaching for his fall semester at NKU (in person) and UC (on-line).  For some reason it feels like a lot of work for him right this minute and is a smidgen overwhelming.  Being the completely sympathetic person that I am, I looked at him and said, "But you signed up for all of that."  Yep.  Take notes.  I'm pretty awesome.

TAMRA
All the Ohio colleges and universities are now all on a semester schedule.  3 equal-length semesters a year.  Most of the students at Cincinnati State are freaking out about this, but 16 weeks is what I did at BYU, so it doesn't stress me out.  It also means that Rob's teaching schedule and my school schedule will line up from now on, which makes it easy to remember.
School is going GREAT!  My Practicum experience (where I get hands-on interpreting practice) is super fun and I look forward to every minute.  I am finally getting practice in all the areas of interpreting, both from ASL-to-English and English-to-ASL.  I love it.  I am currently exceeding expectations, which I like so long as I can maintain it.
Also, I receive a ton of genuine compliments from mentors, teachers, and fellow students.  I don't let it go to my head, because cocky people are pricks, but I have to be honest:  Receiving compliments like that is REALLY awesome.  It just makes me feel good.  Because, that's right, I DO excel at something.

MICIAH
Just started 5th grade, her last at the elementary school.  She has asked to sign up for Choir, Orchestra, and some Lego Building Club.  On top of that, she'll still be doing piano (which hasn't started again yet, but should soon) and all her homework.
And on top of THAT, she's still a super great person and we enjoy her a lot.  You guys should see what she created with Tank for his Halloween costume.  Seriously.  It's cool.

ELIJAH
Just started 3rd grade, and he has a male teacher this year, which is exciting.  I'm hopeful that the teacher will see him as a Normal Boy instead of a disobedient child who can't bother to sit still and listen to directions.
We're working with Elijah on communicating his needs so that he doesn't get so disappointed all the time.  That kid can internalize rejection better than anyone I know (except his father, who is also a pro)!

TANK
Just started 1st grade, which is full day, and he typically comes home exhausted.  It's been difficult for him to stay happy.  He definitely tries my patience.  But he seems to love school, and he adores his teacher, so I think things can only get better.  He's getting more used to the idea that someday he'll need and actually WANT to read for himself.  Remember, he's the kid that didn't mind being held instead of walking until he was almost 5.  It's kind of a general life trend for him.

So there you go.  Nothing of interest, I guess, but that's our life in a nutshell!

Here's to August!

It's been a rush and it still is, and I don't have time to write it all down.  Here's a quick sum-up:

- Went to Mammoth Cave for a Tungate Family Reunion.  Did the Wild Cave Tour as a family and got to hear Rob sing at THE COOLEST SINGING SPOT EVER.  The whole time he sang I closed my eyes and soaked it in and thought, "I could stay in this moment forever and be totally happy".  The whole tour was an amazing experience.  We also did the Violet City Lantern Tour, which is a new experience for Rob and I.  I HIGHLY suggest it, if you're thinking of going down there (and if all your kids are 6 years old and up).

- Finished up summer term.  I did well in my classes, though I finally broke my 4.0 streak.  I don't mind at all.  All term I said to myself, "D stands for 'Don't have to re-take this class.'"

- Hung out with Mom and sister-in-law and 4 extra kids for 2 weeks.  It was CRAZY, but super fun.  I told them that before we do this again I need to buy a bigger house.  Turns out that 7 extra people makes a small house feel even smaller.

- My dad ended up in a random Illinois hotel with the world's largest kidney stone.  Okay, not the world's largest, but I think half an inch is pretty dang big.

- Checked out Washington Park in downtown Cincinnati.  SO fun.  Teancom particularly was a fan.

- Attended a Reds game with Rob and the kids for the very first time.  We sat in the nose bleeds which actually ended up being a lot of fun.  Plenty of space for the kids to run around without bugging anyone, and they thought it was awesome to be at the very tip top of the stadium.  Also, I brought a book, and that makes all baseball games instantly more tolerable.

- Thought about completely shutting down this blog.  Decided against it more as a non-act than an actual decision.  Besides, "maybe I'll want to write something eventually," I thought.

- Taught a Gospel Doctrine lesson again!  Man, it was fun to be back.  It was on the Stripling Warriors, too, which is probably the best subject matter of all time.  So much good stuff.  Plus, I made people laugh pretty hard when I said that if you're going to join an army, Helaman's is the one to join because pretty much all they did was run away.  Which is true and wasn't a joke.  But I like it when I make people laugh.  (Besides, it was fun to call them Helaman's Stripling Marathoners.)

- Had a couple over for dinner - she's hearing, he's deaf - and we did a combined English / ASL story time.  It was AWESOME and we'll totally have to do it again.

- School started for Rob (teaching at NKU) and for the kids.

- I am reading a book.  Yes, this is worthy of its own bullet.

- Ate lots of stuff from our garden.  Which reminds me!  We planted these DELICIOUS orange cherry tomatoes.  I don't know what they are right this minute, but I'll look at the tag and let you all know.  They're so amazing.  They're like straight sugar in tomato form.  You should all plant them.

...  Next, there's Utah for a week and school starting for me.  From one good thing to the next, that's the life we live!

All is Right in the World

Almost

All our home projects are almost done.

All my homework is almost done.

The house is almost clean (that's a lie, really, cause the house is a mess).

The term is almost over.

The kids are almost home.

One Week Left!

I'm not going to say that the time has flown by, because it hasn't.  I don't even understand when people say that.  When my kids were babies, people would tell me, "The time goes so quickly."  I would always think, "Like hell it does."

There's an interesting thought here about our perception of the passage of time.  Sometimes it does feel like it goes by quickly, and sometimes it feels like it goes by slowly.  Still, isn't this what we expect of time?  Sometimes it feels different, even from moment to moment?  So that's not something to be wowed about later and wonder how it suddenly is 2012 instead of 2002.

I guess I just have very few expectations of time.  10 years feels like 10 years should feel, I suppose.  How ELSE would 10 years feel?  Same with my age.  I feel 31.  Because I am 31.  How ELSE should 31 feel if not just like this?

Anyways, the last 5 weeks have been nice and hard and interesting.  I don't think the kids will ever be gone from us for 6 weeks straight, so this is a unique experience.

This last week has gone much more smoothly.  I passed through the darkest point, my breaking point if I was going to break, and so this week was just increasing levels of light and goodness.  Excellent.  One of my friends at school was talking about how stressed she was.  I just shrugged and said, "That was my last week.  This week it's all good."  I don't do stress.  It's normally a feeling I reject.  Like shame and guilt.  Why bother with them?  Which should explain why that week was so hard for me.  I normally kick stress out the door before he enters, and suddenly he was hanging out in my living room.

There's only one week left until the kids are back.  It feels so manageable.  Only 1 week.  That's not too long to wait.  I called and talked to the kids and Tank said, "I can't wait to come home."  I smiled and said that it wouldn't be too long.  And he got pretty adamant:  "No.  I CAN'T WAIT to come home!"  It was cute and made me just want to hug that little guy.

On the positive side:  I think I won't flunk all of my classes this term.  I won't get all A's, which is normally what I expect of myself, but that's okay.  Passing is good, too.  Also, I have racked up 60 hours of Practicum in the last 5 weeks and am on track to have right around 80 by the time the term ends.  Because of the specialness of this term, that'll translate to 100 hours.  That gives me a full 50 extra hours to cushion my last 2 semesters of Practicum.  Sa-weet!

Immunology

When the mail came last night, there was an American Association of Immunologists Newsletter waiting for us.  As you can imagine, I eat these things up.

Just kidding.  Usually I hand them over to Rob and he glances at them before tossing them in the recycling.  This time he turned to the back cover and said, "The Immunology conference in May 2013 is in Hawaii.  Should I try to convince my boss that I should go?"  Umm, heck yes!  Is that even a question?

I don't even care if I go or not.  Really.  But if Rob has a chance to go to Hawaii on someone else's dime, then he should do it!

I mean, in the name of science, he should go to the conference and learn more about his field.  It only seems appropriate as a professional.

Depression Avoided

It's been a long time since I've wondered if I should be on medication.  This last week was a blast from the past, then.  On Friday I decided that it probably wasn't worth it to spiral into a deep and dark depression, and things have been better since.

Here's where I am in my 40 day journey:

I MISS MY KIDS!

And there's really no avoiding that now.  Rob likes to kind of chuckle about that, when he tells people that I miss them more than he does.  "She's around them more," he'll explain.  Well, it's really not cool any more.  I still like the quiet.  I still like being able to be with Rob and talk about anything we want any time we want.  We can do anything.  We have ... time and money and ... time.  It's awesome.  But it's NOT MY LIFE.

As I've thought about what made this last week so terrible, I've come to a few conclusions.  And let this be a lesson to all of you.  My kids are gone for the summer, and I'm taking crazy amounts of classes at school, and I'm not attending my normal church meetings, and I don't have time because of the school work so I'm disconnected from my friends.  Do you notice a theme there?  DISCONNECTION.  ISOLATION.  Self-imposed.  What was I thinking?

To top it off, on Wednesday I sat down with Rob to talk about my Interpreting Philosophy Statement, which I don't actually have.  I wrote out what I came up with, which wasn't much, and Rob kept pressing me on WHY.  WHY am I going to school for interpreting?  Why, why, why, why, why?  Okay, fine!  I'm going to school because otherwise I'd be sitting at home doing nothing with my life, reading books and making you dinner!  Thank you for pointing out how pathetic I am!  ...  I cried myself to sleep.  No joke.

I talked with several people in the ITP program and they told me that I shouldn't feel pressured to come up with a why (which is funny, because people in the program keep telling me I should come up with a why!).  That it'll come in time.  Instead of interpreting during one of my practicum sites, I sat in the back of the room with my mentor and a few students and vented about how I don't have a why for being here, which means my kids are gone FOR NO REASON.  They all agreed that I shouldn't quit school, and I thanked them for being my unpaid counselors.  ...  I called one of my best friends that night and begged to come over.  Yes, I was that pathetic about it.  Friday I didn't do any homework, and I napped for 2 hours.  It was a bad week.

And then there started to be light.  I hung out with some friends.  Watched some movies.  Relaxed.  One of my teachers realized she'd been over-assigning homework and declared us done with homework for the rest of the term (praises be!).  I made good progress on the ridiculous amounts of homework I have for one of my other classes.  And it came to me clear as day why I'm in school anyway:  Because I want to be.  And that's good enough for now.

So depression was avoided, just barely.  ...  My kids have plane tickets to come home.  Saturday, August 4th (day 44).  I don't know who's more excited: me or them.

Podcasts

Today I would like to say a few words about podcasts.  Because they're awesome.

Now that I'm busier, I have less time to read books that I want to read.  I've read several non-fiction books in the last year, nearly all sign language related, and I don't regret that, but it does mean that I don't have a lot of time or energy to devote to other non-fiction books.  Which is a shame, because I love non-fiction.

I mean, good fiction is good.  But non-fiction is nearly ALWAYS good.  I learn stuff.

Back in January I was missing that part of my life.  At the same time I realized that most of my "down time" is spent driving or folding laundry or doing dishes.  And I could totally be listening to a podcast during those moments.

The love affair began.

I've listened to: 
98 episodes of The Dave Ramsey Show
97 episodes of Radiolab
80 episodes of Freakonomics
25 episodes of Wait Wait Don't Tell Me
57 episodes of 99% Invisible
15 episodes of Great Speeches in History
and various others that I have since moved on from or which I don't count in this retelling for whatever reason.

According to my iTunes, that's almost 8 days of podcast listening in the last 7 months.

Here's what I have to say about podcasts:
- They have filled my non-fiction need nicely.  If you are feeling a similar gap, I highly suggest it.
- Freakonomics has been my favorite, but they don't have an extensive list of podcasts like Radiolab does.  Plus, Radiolab has grown on me more and more.  Also, my kids can sit through a Radiolab car ride much easier than they can a Freakonomics one.
- Great Speeches in History has been AMAZING.  I could write a whole post on just this show.  You should definitely, definitely, definitely check out this podcast.  If you like history, you'll love it.  If you don't like history, you should listen anyway.  (There are only 15 total episodes, varying in length.  All of them are worth your time.)

Short Love Letters to My Podcast Show Hosts:
- Levitt and Dubner, your voices are dreamy.  Honestly, I could listen to you two tell me a story every single day of my life.
- Robert Krulwich, you are sensitive and soft, but also deeply curious and smart.  Please keep doing radio for forever.
- Peter Sagal, you are HILARIOUS.  When other people host your show, it's almost not worth listening to.  How in the heck did you get to be so funny and quick-witted?  It's not fair to the rest of us (and I'm totally jealous).
- Dave Ramsey, I listened to every single episode you put out for 6 months.  I have to take a break for a while.  Your words were circling through my head.  Love your advice and I always will.
- Roman Mars, you are probably the coolest radio show host on the planet.  Love your stories, and love your sign-offs even more.  Please teach other radio hosts how to be so awesome.

This Week (Days 18 - 22)

This week was rough.

The kids seem to be settling in at my parents' house.  They're having fun and they're able to play outside, which is something they wouldn't have been able to do here for about 2 weeks straight.  It's been so ridiculously hot.  The kids are excited to talk to us on the phone, but they're also not complaining about Grandma's rules any more (my mom is adorable and kind, but she can be strict about her rules!), and they don't sound home sick.

Here, I was falling apart a little.  Things seemed very overwhelming.  One of my classes has a lot of homework and projects, and I was trying to get them done and not accomplishing as much as I wanted to, and feeling like this whole term was a mistake, and wanting a hug.  And one particularly bad day, I just wanted a hug from my kids.

On that same day, we got a package in the mail from them.  They made us little gifts.  One is a key chain that Miciah made that I fashioned into a bracelet.  Some hot pads that they weaved.  And a little rainbow-colored peace sign that Tank made all by himself (he was quick to point out).  I tore open the package, put the bracelet on, read their notes, and cried.

I decided that I probably shouldn't drop out of all my classes.  Rob and I went out for ice cream and talked and it was nice.  And the next day, the world was a more inviting place.  A place that I might just be able to navigate successfully.

It's 3 weeks in, and I now officially miss my kids.

An Overhaul

Elijah called us last night SO EXCITED to tell us all about how he was going to watch Pirates of the Caribbean 4.  He must have talked about that topic for at least 15 minutes.  Too cute.  Elijah is normally not our chatty child, so it's funny to hear him go on and on when he's talking to us on the phone.  I thought, "Ah, finally he misses us."

Day 17

Today Rob and I braved the over-100-degree heat and cleaned out our garage.  We assembled 3 shelves and moved everything that had been on the floor onto those shelves.  Then we bought a bike rack to keep our bikes under control.  We also got rid of some stuff.  And we drank an entire gallon of Crystal Light.

Before

After

(Okay, so one of those pictures isn't actually our garage.  I bet you can't guess which one!  (Hint:  Look for the 3 shelves and lined-up bikes.  Also, look for the garage.)  For fun, you can do an image search for messy.  You'll probably end up feeling better about your own not-as-messy-as-their-house house.)

About 2 months ago we cleaned out the shed and put all of that stuff into the garage to give the kids a completely-empty Spy Club.  This wasn't my idea.  But when I got home from school, Rob informed me that all the stuff now fit in the garage.  He lied.  About a week later we had a talk that went something like, "You better take care of this or else."  So we finally did take care of it, and it's lovely.

The End

What a Week! (Days 11 - 16)

I do miss Rob and I kids, I promise.  For instance, last night I had a dream that Elijah was a toddler again and he'd been with another caregiver for so long that he was sobbing when he realized he had to come home and stay with me again!  Wow.  Hurt my little mom heart.

I'm not an overly sentimental person, which I'm sure is shocking information.  But I am at the same time fiercely loyal to my family.  They are mine and I am theirs and I wouldn't want it any other way.

I skyped with the kids some time on Sunday, and when Tank realized that Rob wouldn't be on the call because he was up in Toledo, he got really angry and sad.  It was ADORABLE to see.  I made sure that the next time we skyped I showed up with Rob.

(Also, I told my 4-year-old niece that I wanted Rob to catch the rabbit in our backyard - and her face lit up - so that we could cook it and eat it - and she looked like she was going to cry.  Totally awesome.)

Day 12

I would say that I marginally missed Rob while he was at his parents' house.  I probably would have missed him more had some stressful thing happened while he was gone.  But it was just ... quiet here.  And I liked it.

I went to school on Monday night.  My first tokening experience.  I know I haven't explained Practicum super well, but it's not a hard concept.  It's where I start doing some interpreting without it affecting people's lives.  So my bad interpretations won't hurt anyone.  Token interpreting is where I sit in the back on the classroom with other interpreting students and interpret from English into ASL while a mentor (who is a professional interpreter) stares at us and takes notes of our strengths and weaknesses (mostly weaknesses at this point, let's be honest).

It seemed like it would be really stressful, but it wasn't.  It was AWESOME!  And I wish I could do it every day for 3 hours for the next year.  Oh, wait.  That's pretty much what I WILL be doing.  This is what School Heaven is like.

Day 13

Travelled up to Toledo by myself, which was more tiring than I would have supposed.  Then I gave a talk at my niece's baptism (why she chose me, I don't know.  Why anyone chooses me for anything, I don't know), and that went well enough.  I also was asked to sign a song, which is a MILLION times better than singing a solo.

Ate the first tomato from our garden (I brought it up to Toledo and shared it with Rob).  Heaven.

We watched fireworks with Rob's family.  Not crazy about fireworks, honestly.  Not too crazy about the 4th of July in general.  Actually, I guess I'm just not crazy about most holidays period.

Day 14

We came back home and crashed.  We didn't unpack the car, because it was full of STUFF.  Not the normal stuff, like a bag and a toothbrush, either.  Bikes and a mini-trampoline and games and stuff.  Rob's sister has moved to Utah and gave a ton of stuff away.  We brought home what we thought would be useful or interesting or fun.

Which also means we took the van.  It's the first trip outside the Cincinnati area that the van has been allowed to go on since ... since at least last year.  Since we've owned it, we haven't driven it further than Dayton, which is an hour away.  We're mean and restrictive parents.

Made a cucumber salad, using only the cucumbers from our garden and some from the neighbor's garden.

Day 15

I know I mention cooking a lot, now that the kids are gone.  It's because cooking is fun without little people running around you, driving you crazy, and incessantly asking when dinner will be ready.  I think I've cooked more in the 2 last weeks than I have in the last 4 months before then.  And you think I'm joking.  Totally not.  I've tried a bunch of new recipes.  I've actually been LOOKING FORWARD to making dinner.  So strange.

Also, we have about a billion zucchini and yellow squash, despite giving a bunch away.  So we've made all sorts of yummy things with them.  ...  This summer it's much more enjoyable to make stuff with them compared to last summer.  We have more variety in our garden now, which helps a lot.  We finally finished off the cabbage (which was a mistake from the start, but a total win!  We'll plant it again next year, for sure) after a month or longer.  We still have broccoli, kale, and brussels sprouts occasionally, with more zucchini and squash than anyone needs, and our tomatos, cucumbers, and bell peppers are just starting.  Gardening ROCKS!

Day 16

The kids are starting to say that they miss us and are ready to come home.  At the same time, they're having a great time in CA, and we're working really hard here, so it's not horrible that they're gone.

Tonight Rob and I are going to Silent Dinner, and I'm going to make him stay and socialize until midnight.  Ha!

(I intended to take a picture every day while the kids were gone.  But it turns out that it's boring to take pictures of Rob and me.  Sorry about that.)

The Weekend (Days 8, 9, and 10)

Day 8

On Friday Rob and I drove to Columbus and went to a temple session before I came home alone and Rob was whisked off to Toledo by his dad.  It was pretty great to pack up for just him - so easy.  Plus, a temple session without arranging babysitters?  Genius.

Interesting bit:  There was this crazy storm that rolled through Columbus right as we were entering the city.  A wall of black along the storm front.  And up ahead we saw what looked like smoke rising from the ground on the other side of the highway.  We weren't sure what it was, but as we drove closer and closer and saw cars keeping their distance, we realized it was like a baby tornado.

I resisted the idea of a baby tornado.  I grew up in St. Louis and I know what tornados should feel like.  The sky is an amazing color green.  There's a funnel cloud that starts at the cloud level and then comes down.  This one wasn't like that at all.  And still, there it was, whipping around debris and commanding respect.

So that was kinda fun!  I wished the kids were with us because, as I thought, "They're never going to believe us."

Day 9

Being all alone is kinda weird.  I don't mind it so much as I'm just not used to it.  Who do I talk to?  Who's going to make me dinner?

I watched videos on youtube and an hour-long Nova special.  I procrastinated homework.  I called Rob to tell him I miss him.

I cooked dinner for myself.  Zucchini and yellow squash fried up in butter, bread, and cheese.  Yes, if I cooked full-time, those are the kinds of meals I'd tend to prepare.  Hence why Rob has taken over most cooking duties.

I also picked a ton of blackberries at a friend's house and I'll be making something yummy from them today.

Day 10

I can definitely get used to this quiet.  There's something so ... serene about it.

Went to church at Church of Christ this morning.  Weird, right?  The church is called The Vineyard, and it's HUGE.  The worship service is very different from what I'm used to, starting with contemporary music with guitars and such, but it's a comfortable place full of nice people.  For 6 weeks I'll be going to watch the sign language interpreters do their thing.  It's amazing to watch them work, they're so good.  I am nowhere near that skill level, but maybe someday.

One of the interpreters, Nancy, she's a doll.  She thanked me for coming and knows that for me, it's a sacrifice to miss my normal church meetings.  Wasn't that nice of her to acknowledge?  Sweet woman.

And now it's 1:00 in the afternoon and I have absolutely nothing that needs done for the rest of the day.  So strange.

Days 7

School started on Wednesday, as I already mentioned.  I put a lot of schooling on my plate this term, since the kids are gone, so I'm feeling a smidgen overwhelmed so far.  The classes I'm now entering are very different than the ones I've been doing.  First I started with the book work type of classes.  Then the project-based classes.  Now it's the practical application classes.  What doesn't help is that I've not done any of this before, so the anxiety levels can get kinda high.  Plus, someone is critiquing your work pretty much full time.  You self-critique, your peers critique you, your teachers critique you, and your mentors critique you.  Sounds fun, no?

Day 7

Not having kids around means the house needs less cleaning.  You'd think we'd have a tendency to clean a little each day, since it's WAY less than the cleaning we were doing every day before.  But you'd be wrong.  We tend to let it pile up over a few days.  Because we're lazy.

My mom called and asked a bunch of questions about my children and their typical behavior and we had an interesting discussion about them and why they do what they do.  (The answer is that I have no clue.)  I gave her my best advice and told her good luck.  It's weird to have our positions reversed like that.

Rob came home late last night which wasn't stressful in the least.  We have decided that if we normally didn't have kids around we would probably:
1 - Work longer hours.
2 - Need less sleep.
3 - Have more emotional energy.
4 - Cook better food.

I'm not saying that kids are an energy suck, but let's be honest shall we?  They totally are.  And this is coming from someone who likes her kids and likes being a mom.  Kids just use up a lot of physical and emotional energy.

But they also do things like hug you tight and color pictures for you.  So it's totally worth it.

(I'm not trying to be sarcastic, I DO think it's worth it.  It's just not worth it in a way that adds up, math-wise, in the short-term.  Also, studies show that people without kids report higher levels of happiness.  Which makes sense, cause those people have more emotional and physical energy, are less stressed, aren't boggled by their kid's latest insanity, have more money to spend, and get more sleep.  Duh.  But they also die without grandkids.  So there.)

Day 6 - a story

It should be noted that school starts again today.  Since this is the reason why my kids are in California, it seems important to bring it up.  I have hours and hours and hours of Practicum scheduled every week.  The more I can knock out while they're gone, the less I'll need to do when they're back.

Today Rob and I started the day with a bike ride.  It's amazing how much more motivated I am to exercise in the summer when I'm already hot, no matter what I do.  Then I took a nap because I don't have many more napping days left.

Then something happened that took me way back.  I walked outside barefoot to bring in our trash can and was stung by a bee, right in the middle of my foot.  It's been a long time since I've been stung, and an even longer time since it's been on the bottom of my foot.  Not pleasant, I tell you.  (Though not awful, let's be honest.)

This reminded me of a good little story from my childhood.  It's a story of a pesky little brother and a loving father.

One day me (10), Collin (12), Keith (8), Justin (6), Chad (4), and a neighbor (6) were walking through the woods behind our house.  I guessed on the ages, but it's accurate enough for the purposes of this story.  It wasn't often that us bigger kids (me and Collin) hung out with the younger ones.  Probably pure boredom motivated us to do so on that particular day.

Anyways, we were walking through a small section of the woods that we normally didn't bother walking through.  It was tiny and not very exciting and about 5 feet away from the lawn.  I suppose that day we were "exploring" and hence didn't want to leave the great wild of the woods.

On our first pass through the section, we saw a hole in the ground.  We were trying to figure out what the hole was, but we didn't think much of it.  On the way back, though, we figured it out.  Bees.  Or whatever bee-like thing it is that burrows into the ground.  Collin and I walked tenderly around the hole.  The danger was past (is it past or passed?) and we were happily walking on when Justin and the neighbor started running past us and telling us to run, too.

Too late, though.  We were surrounded by swarming bees.  Chad was still there, and I was trying to focus through the bee storm enough to get him out, but was completely overcome and ran out myself.  I ran to the top of the hill (maybe 50 feet?  75?  Not far), where our house was, to get help.  Miraculously, my father was just home from work and was standing in the front yard looking at our garden.  I was relieved to see him and started quickly telling him what was going on.

Except I was apparently babbling incoherently, because he couldn't understand anything I was saying between the fast talking and the crying.  He was listening intently, but I wasn't making sense.  I was frustrated because there was real danger down there and I couldn't get it out.  Suddenly Collin ran up the hill and declared simply, "Chad's down there."

My dad BOLTED.  I've never seen him run faster than he did that day.  I remember it clearly, because I hadn't known that my father was that fast.  He ran into the bee storm, pulled out a helpless Chad, and pulled about 50 bees off his little body.  All of us had been stung a bunch of times, I had 6 stings, but it's harrowing to think that if my father had not been standing there, RIGHT there, there might not have been time.  At the very least, him running down there averted a medical emergency.

I remember when he came back up the hill holding Chad, there were bees on him, too.  And in that moment, my dad was Super Man.

My Pop isn't a super sentimental being.  Back in the day "I love you" was rare to hear.  A lot of the love stuff that most of us do easily isn't easy for him.  On top of that, he isn't a big reactor.  I could come home super excited about something and he'd casually say, "Great," maybe, or just nod.  So I'd have to go find Mom so she could be excited for me.  Dad was just a cool cat.

But that day, when he bolted down the hill without wondering what might happen to him, ...  I knew what that was.  That was love.


(Years later Justin admitted that he and the neighbor kid were throwing rocks into the hole, just to see what would happen, and that's why the bees swarmed.  Hence this is also the story of a pesky little brother.)

Day 5

Once upon a time I had the great idea of writing journals for my kids while they were little.  This worked pretty well until I started blogging, and then the journal entries became further and further apart.  Lately Miciah has been reading her journal and asking me to write more in it.  I said, "Write what?  "Today Miciah and I read a girl development book and had a great talk about tampons."?  There's not as much to say as there used to be."  She decided I should write some stories from the past and/or print out my blog.

So today I started on that project.  Spent about 4 hours putting together a 20-page book with blurb.  When the kids get home they'll be pleasantly surprised to get Thackering: In The Beginning.  Awesome sounding, right?

Know what I noticed?

September 2001

Rob and I looked so weird back then.  Seriously.  He has braces and I look like I'm 10.

Maybe I'll finish more by the time they get back.  Maybe not.  Either way, it's a start.

And that project made me feel like talking to my kids.  So I called them.  They were busy with Grandma, going fun places and doing fun things.  It was a 5-minute phone call wherein I was passed from Miciah to Elijah to Teancom.  In the end I said, "Well, I was just calling to say 'I love you," and 'Have fun.'"  To which Tank responded, "Okay!  Whatever!"  Which means they're having a good time.  Hurray!

As a side note, it's interesting that my most clingy child was actually the least clingy on the day they left.  Miciah and Elijah were hanging all over me, but Tank was all chill.  Strange, no?

Today was kale and cabbage soup.  The kale, cabbage, and tomatoes were from our garden.  Mmmm.  We now have so much food in our fridge that we might not need to cook for the next week.  Not joking.

And here's me with my hair cut.  Self-portrait, into the mirror.  (When I take pictures of myself, that's the only way that I look "right" to myself.)  My hair isn't great in this picture (and it's not a great picture).  I hadn't styled it or anything.  Plus, we'd just returned from running.  But I assume my hair isn't great most of the time, so I guess it's accurate!