Higher Self

GabrielleAmindgoatLeave a comment

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I reckon sometimes you feel miserable, like there’s something you’re meant to accomplish yet there’s something holding you back.

I feel as though my higher self is beckoning to be let loose. She feels trapped inside this facade I have created.

It’s currently 00:02 am.

I’m listening to a song as I write this, I’ve been listening to it on repeat.

this is said song. Please listen, you shan’t regret it I promise.

My eyes are also watering uncontrollably.

She’s sad, extremely tired of being locked up inside my body.

I’ve been ignoring her call for weeks now, simply wallowing in this feeling of self-loathe. I don’t want to keep on ignoring though, I’m trying to open the gates but there’s something standing in my way.

Before I continue, I’d like to talk a little about her.

Her name is *bleep*.

She’s me when I’m in a good place mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally.

She’s me when I write, when I paint, when I meditate and when I seek God on a deeper level

She’s a lover of life, she loves to hug trees on the streets, she plays with children and smiles at people ( a select number of people…She’s wary on most occasions)

She’s a Zephyr; she doesn’t announce her presence violently yet you won’t not notice her.

Now the reason I’m stuck trying to release her is due to the fact that I’ve become slave to procrastination, reason being I put off things that benefit me because I’m afraid.

Why are you afraid? You ask.

Well I have no idea either.

Maybe it’s the fact that I’m hesitant that if I’m too happy in life then people will start to notice. Maybe it’s the fact that I never really know how to be really happy. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m focused on the fall that comes after the rise. It’s probably all of those things I guess.

The math is basically this

People + Me + My thoughts = Fear = Procrastination = imprisoned higher self.

Poor me.

Poor higher self.

She’s not going to go quiet anytime soon. I know the more she yells the more my fear dies, it’s safer to let her fight I think; if I interfere I know I’ll regret something…not that there’s even anything to regret really.

It’s currently 00:54 am.

I’m still listening to the same song on repeat.

My eyes are no longer watering.

She’s here in fragments because I’ve written this to the end.

Me and Me and Not Me

GabrielleAmindgoatLeave a comment

I Reckon you’ve had that feeling of not being yourself. You feel as though you’re a you whose an onlooker to another you that isn’t you ( I hope you understood that, its the way my mind phrased it).

Maybe you and I share this feeling.

Sometimes my soul withdraws itself from my physical body…not in the astral projection sense but in a way much less esoteric. During these times I become numb in a way, i’m left with my thoughts and feelings while my body sits limply against a wall. I watch how utterly miserable my body seems without a soul bound to it and then I begin to travel my mind.

I think about a lot of things, most of them don’t even need attention because they’re simply meaningless. For example, I think about how I was a book thief in my younger years and how I’d love to make a cupcake in a mug. Aside from that, I think about myself, the body that I observe and the soul that I am.

I think of how my soul calls out to me everytime, warning me of the dangers that life holds for me but also making known the fact that there’s something I need to do in this life, something way bigger than myself. My soul speaks of great things while my body is in a reccuring state of decline and revival.

My body and my soul will never be the same, I feel how strongly they respect each other yet they still oppose each other, I am my soul whilst my body is another me that isn’t me.

And Then, there was life…

GabrielleAmindgoatLeave a comment

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All things start at the beginning of life; well …most things I reckon.

Now, what is life?

Dictionary: life is the existence of an individual human being or animal.

Yes, we do exist. We are existing in this world in different states; a fetus, a toddler and so on until we have satisfied the salt of our lives, then we no longer exist as death becomes our non-existent life.

“Live life to the fullest”

If life is merely existence, how do we begin to tickle the fancy of said existence in order to feel fulfilled.?

The average human has already been allocated specific roles; be birthed, survive your early years ( this is determined by whoever takes care of said youngin), go to school, hit puberty ( former youngin, meet puberty…mother of secondary sexual characteristics aka madness), fall in love then face heartbreak ( ohhhh God, absolute torture), finish high school and get into college ( depends whether you’re smart enough i guess and or whether you made it through school or whether you were born in poverty among a million other factors), get a job and get married ( in no particular order).

Although the aforementioned happens all the time, various circumstances can determine whether or not they do. But does that mean that weve completely forfeited our purpose in life??

Absolutely not i tell you, whoever thinks otherwise is a backward thinking simulation.

Life gives you the chance to do great things, people have been figuring that out for eons. Its no surprise though that a life well lived is a life lived by oneself for oneself.

In simpler words

“You do you boo boo”

I love doing that, tapping into my mind and my soul, searching for the map that will lead me to not just the finer things in life, but the finer things for my life.

It only takes a table spoon of ideas, a bowl of creativity and a sprinkle of wanderlust among other secret ingredients, to make the perfect serving of life.