http://musiclist.in/admin/love.php?yellow225.png

Accent Challenge

I'm Out!

That's it....Me and Blogger are DONE!! I'm following my fellow blog peoples...Ms Diva & Mon, and heading over to the new digs @ Wordpress.....

Feel free to come see me: My new place.

Toodles!

P.S. And wouldn't this be the time that Blogger wants to post with absolutely NO problems! Temperamental bastid! lol!

Have You Ever...

...Wondered if you made the right choice?



...Wondered what more (or less) you could have done to prevent that situation going bad?



...Wondered why the fuck you ignored what was SO obvious?



...Questioned whether you are worthy of certain things



...Thought about a past situation and thought 'that was soooooooo fucked up?'but you still fight a daily battle within tryna remind yourself of WHY the situation was fucked up



...Felt relief cos the stormy, black cloud was gone...then felt like shit when the hurt set it....as well as the torrential rain!



...Had an idea for a post, and forgotten it as soon as you were ready to type?



...Questioned whether you're as 'great' as people say you are



...Annoyed yourself so much, you want to slap yourself? (Lol)



...Gotten tired of thinking so much?



...Been fed up with constant disappointment, failures and let-downs?



...Been scared shit-less at the thought of losing that person/those people that mean to much to you?



...Done or said some seriously stupid shit and wonder why the heck you did that?



...Said waaaay too much?



...Wondered how life/karma/the world worked?



...Why bad shit can happen to good people...? Yet the bad keep rolling on like their shit don't stink, cos everything's running right?



...Been soooo tired of dealing with shit, that you'd rather close your eyes-just to be done dealing with it?



...Been tired of trying?



...Cried so many tears that your insides feel hollow?



...Wanted someone out your life soooo badly, yet the fucker ALWAYS turns up?



...Written a totally random post that has no point, direction or meaning....but just had a whole bunch-a shit to get out, so you figured you'd do just that? No...? Me either!

Frustrated

I've been living at my Grandparent’s house for 6 days now...and everyday I've been annoyed and frustrated to some extent.

One big thing I'm struggling with is my Granny's constant fussing!! She's babying me something chronic!! I know I know-she's just doing the typical Grandmother thing-but it's driving me nuts!! I just like to chill, do what I need to as and when I want-Granny's not having it...she's in my room telling me this should go here, and this there…I know she means well, but it's driving me absolutely crazy!!! I know I can't do anything about it, so I'm just tryna grin and bear it-I mean the upside to this, is as soon as I come home from work my dinner's there ready and waiting to be eaten!!

The 2nd thing-in fact it's the BIGGEST thing: my Uncle! Love him to bits, but damn if this man doesn't wanna drive me outta my head!! This week alone he's been at the house 3 maybe 4 times....and EVERY time he's leaving he's having me drive him home. On Sunday or maybe it was Monday, he was here-I had a BANGING headache-and he still had me take him home. On Wednesday, I went to my friend's house to pick up my new laptop, and stopped by his house to pick up my internet dongle. He then says that he'll be coming to the house to give my Granddad a bath...so I take him to the house. When all's done, he makes me take him home, cos he left his bus pass at his house (though taking a bus to his house makes NO sense!!). Today-same ting…this time it’s ‘it’s raining...can you take me home?’. Whilst I know I should just say no-but I can't seem to do it. Diva-I know what you said-but I just can't do it. I don’t know what it is, but for some reason the word 'no' just won't come out of my mouth...and though I feel like he's taking the piss outta me, I feel like there's nothing I can do about it! *sigh* I know-I'm a mug!

My alcoholic uncle that I've mentioned before (can't be bothered to link to it) has managed to earn himself a bed in the hospital. The man is drinking himself to death! Last week he decided not to drink anymore...and collapsed. So my Dad, aunty and Granny have all gone down to the hospital to see him. You can imagine how happy I was to see him! In fact, he's here now....I just hi, and kept it moving!!

*sigh* in the last hour-I swear my name's been called about 50 times!! (slight exaggeration, but it feels like it's non stop!!) I'm trying to quit smoking (4 days and counting) so I can't even have a fag to release some stress!

Oh-and that whole thing with J-there’s nothing more to report except we won’t be friends. From the other day that I sent her a message, she hasn’t replied…she’s changed her profile pic-so I know she’s seen the message, but she hasn’t responded…so much for being ‘mature’ she could have just said what it was, but she’s decided not to. I’m a bit disappointed-more annoyed than anything…but I’ve decided I’m not gonna try anymore. Just gonna let sleeping dogs lie. I was going through my old diary stuff earlier today-and I see an entry dated 14th Sept 05…on this day I tried to make things right with J then-and from what I wrote on this date, I tried 2 years before that…so that’s 2003,2005 & 2008 where I’ve tried. If I'd seen this diary entry earlier in the week, I really don't think I would've reached out to her....but now I’m done trying! Clearly us being friends again isn’t meant to be…and you know-I think I’m cool with that. I don’t have to wonder anymore cos I know what it is…..besides I’ve got some pretty damn good friends in my life right now, without trying to step back to reconnect with one that’s not clearly not interested!!

Coming Of Age

I've been tagged by the lovely Ms Behaving…..Here goes….
 
The rules:
1. Put Your itunes/ music player on Shuffle
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER WHAT!!!
4: After you've answered all of the questions, tag 5 other people and then let them know they've been tagged to do the meme themselves!
 
1.      IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY? Back Again –Mr Cheeks (oh yea-cos THAT makes sense! Lol)
2.      WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?  Down & Dirty – Keyshia Cole (It's lies I tell ya-LIES!!)
3.      WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL? Good Woman Down –Mary J Blige (Erm….maybe not!)
4.      HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY? I Want You Back – Jackson 5 (NO I DO NOT! Don't believe the hype!)
5.      WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE? They Aint JE – Jagged Edge (Ok…???)
6.      WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO? I Wonder – Kanye West (All the ruddy time!!)
7.      WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU? Ms Stress – Floetry (Lately, most definitely)
8.      WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS? Money Aint A Thang – Jay Z (no comment!)
9.      WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN? Are You Ready – Dan Da Man (Very True)
10. WHAT IS 2+2? Never Gonna Let You Go – Tina Moore (**confused**)
11. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND? Magic Is A Feeling – SE20
12. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE? Motherfather – Musiq Soulchild
13. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY? The Takeover – Jay Z (You'd better believe it!)
14. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP? I Can – Nas (When you get into the lyrics then yes!)
15. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE? Doing It Way Big – Lil Kim
16. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU? Help Me Make It Through The Night – Gladys Knight (can't see this being the thought of both parents!)
17. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING? Never Can Say Goodbye – Jackson 5 (Awww…bless….maybe not at the wedding though!)
18. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL? Gotta Man – Eve (LMAO!! Can't see Granny going for that-can you…?)
19. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST? Celebration – Kanye West (It's a celebration BITCHES!!! Grab a drink, grab a glass……)
20. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET? Supposed To – Mr Cheeks
21. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS? I'll Be There – Jackson 5 (This applies to some of em)
22. WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS? Coming Of Age – Jay Z
 
I'm tagging (if they haven't already been tagged that is!): Ms Diva, Monie, The Flyyest, Southern Girlie & Tam…
 

Random Ish

Yesterday, Granny was helping me unpack some of my stuff in my room. She asks me if my mum ever asked how I managed living out on my own. I said that she did ask on occasions. Granny asks if my mum ever offered to help me...I say, well she helps where she can, but for the most part she can't because obviously she has the kids. Then I say, but check even my dad though -he knows I've been struggling, yet never offers to help...Granny then says 'well...'. And that's it..then after a few minutes she tells me that she hasn't told my dad that I'd moved in with her...I tell her that I'm not gonna be the one to tell him.

After this convo I was annoyed. Granny asking if my mum helped me out, I know she was trying to imply that she should have been....but my mum has 3 young kids (and my 19 year old sister) to look bout.....when I go to the house, Mum feeds me, if I'm desperate and she has it, she'll give me £5 etc....my Dad on the other hand has 1 other child. I'm not claiming to know his outgoings, but he knows I've been struggling and what not, and never once has he said to me do have you eaten today? Do you wanna come for dinner..! And the fucked up thing is that my Granny will ALWAYS stick up for him-he can do no wrong in her eyes.

Then she starts telling me that him, his wife and their child are going to Egypt..next month I think she said, and how my Dad's car isn't working, and neither is the wife's...how my Dad has never owned a good car-my dad drives some old school Honda Civic, and his wife drives a damn BMW that she got when she was unemployed, and my Dad was working 2 jobs! All while Granny's talking, I'm not saying anything. They say if you have nothing nice to say then say nothing at all...so that's what I did!

With Father's Day coming up, I know my Granny's gonna be on my back about getting him a card, or calling him...but they don't do cards for shit, wasteman dads do they? And even if they did, I wouldn't waste my money on it. He can piss off. He told me once that in regards to me it was a case of out of sight, out of mind...so to hear that from the man that's meant to love you unconditionally...shit-even a little bit...how's that meant to make me feel, or view him as a dad? He can fuck off! And watch him go on holiday and not say boo to me!

Granny's the one that tells me what's the deal with him, and tells him what the deal is with me, but I wish she wouldn't. I don't care what he does....then again, the fact that it pisses me off to no end shows how much I care.

Come Father's day, I'll give my Grandad a card and a gift...he's been more like my father my entire life so it's only right. If Granny gets on my back about my Dad then I'll go out somewhere...I tell ya she can push me sometimes when it comes to my Dad, that if my mouth was fly-way and I didn't have the level of love and respect for my Granny....boy...most importantly I wouldn't let because of him, my relationship with Granny is fucked!

I think I've rambled enough...my mind is feeling easy-i'm gonna try and sleep!