My name is Tammy and I am a blogaholic

Sigh....I have a problem guys. Yes, it's true...I am a blogaholic. I can't help it. I love reading other people's blogs and finding out what's going on their lives. It's fun to see the other side of people's lives outside of TTC. I also love writing in mine and sharing so much of myself and I love the comments people write...so encouraging and makes my day. I'm trying to cut my lurking on blogs to once a day but that's been tough...it's like trying to limit yourself to one cup of coffee a day....yeah, not gonna happen. I have an addiction. The first step in getting help is admitting the problem. I have now done that. Now it's onto fixing the problem. I'm just not sure how to do this. Any ideas? I think I need to start a Blogaholic Anonymous.

Otherwise not much new going on here. Just playing the waiting game. I feel like I'm in a win/win situation this month. If I'm pregnant, Woo-hoo!!! If not, there are so many changes we're doing this next cycle that is so encouraging to me and increases our chances that I'm excited for that too. Right now, I'm just watching other people's cycles and hoping for the best for them. I hope for lots and lots of BFPs!!! :)

We're leaving bright and early in the morning tomorrow for Chicago. I really hope everyone has a fun, safe Labor Day weekend! I'll be back with tons of pictures to share!! Lucky you guys!! :)

What a difference a day makes

I feel so much better. Thanks so much to Aradia, Amy and Laine for your comments. They helped soooo much! Thanks a lot! (((HUGS))) I feel like I can be a mother and I can do this.

I did find out I ovulated this month!! My progesterone level came back at 12.4. So, my midwife says I ovulated. I am on progesterone so I'm sure that affected the test a little. I'm still counting this month out, though, as I feel AF is coming. I'd be shocked if I was pregnant. I feel like a 15-year-old girl in the back of a car on her first time thinking there's no way she'll get pregnant....I think I'd be just as shocked. :) But, as I've said before, I have a lot of hope for next cycle so bring it on!! :)

In other news (I feel like a news caster :)), Mark's kidney test came back better...woo-hoo!!! So, he's not rejecting his kidney and no biopsy is needed! That was really good news.

This weekend we're going to Chicago (about 6 hours away) to visit my brother! I'm soooo excited! Yeah, I know, I need a life. :) We very seldom ever get away, so I'm excited. Our whole family is going and I'm so excited to spend time with Tyler and Peyton...ahem...I mean my whole family. :) We almost weren't going to be able to go as we couldn't find someone to watch our dog. Labor Day weekend and people actually have plans??? What's up with that?? But, we found someone and we're going!! I'm a little worried about Mark as with his stomach issues, he gets car sick pretty easy, but we've found out that the puke bucket works really well and is a necessity for car rides with Mark. I'm just so glad he's willing to go....I do think Tyler and Peyton...ahem...I mean the whole family...had some incentive. :) Mom, if you're reading this, you know I love ya! :)

So, three days without blogs or internet....how will I live? :(

Freak out venting session

I couldn't sleep last night. My mind was completely racing. I'm starting to wonder how I'm going to be a good mother. As you may know, Mark has a lot of health issues. He's been diabetic all his life, has had a kidney transplant, 2 heart attacks and triple heart bypass surgery. He's disabled. He currently sleeps all day, getting up when I get off of work and then is up for about 4-5 hours before going back to sleep. Yesterday, I had to nearly beg him to empty out the dishwasher and empty out the dehumidifer. He really doesn't do much around the house. I know most of it is because he doesn't feel good. If he felt good, he would do more.

Am I crazy for thinking I can do this? How am I going to take care of a child and Mark? What happens if he loses his kidney or has another heart attack or something? Driving him to dialysis was very wearing on me when we had to do it and I was younger and bouncier. :) We were in the ER at least once a week. Looking back, I don't know how I did it. And then to add a child into the mix....I just don't know how I'm going to do this. I have sooooo much support and I know my family will be there 100% for me. I'm not worried about that. But, I also know that the baby will be our responsbility, not theirs, and I need to take care of my own responsbility. I do know Mark will help in whatever way he can, but I also know he's going to need me too. He's already making comments about having to adjust to less time with me right now....hate to break it to ya hon, but it's only going to get worse with a baby.

I know there are lots of single mothers out there who do just fine. I just feel like sometimes Mark is a "big kid" rather than a husband and I feel like I'm going to be a mother to "2 kids" rather than a husband and wife having a baby. I know it's not Mark's fault and bless his heart for being willing to and wanting to do this.

I do believe God will give me strength and things will work out. I just want to be the best mother and the best wife and I don't know how to do it.

Am I crazy??? Have I lost it? Thanks for reading my ramble. :)

Cooking with T&P. No strainers were harmed in this process :)

More pictures. :) We got to watch the kids yesterday. Tyler had a blast cooking his macaroni and both kids found the strainer to be a very nice hat. Not to worry...we didn't use that strainer to cook. :) We had a total blast with the kids. Aren't they so cute? I just know they take after their Auntie Tammy. :)

TTC update: Not much new to report from that side. I've been getting a lot of AF-like cramps so I feel she's on her way. This is the first month that I really want her to come NOW because I have so much more hope for the next cycle that I want to get on with it. I know this cycle didn't work so I just wanna get on with it. I'm really hoping next month will be the month for Michelle and I! I want this for both of us and want us to be preggo buddies....looks like we'll be right around the same time again, Michelle!! :)

Thanks again for all the support you guys! Let's get some BFPs!!! And for whoever doesn't want AF, send her my way....or Michelle's. :)

More pictures....sigh

Okay, so I didn't think it was fair that Mark got to have a cute picture of Peyton and him when it was MY blog :)...so I've tortured you guys with more pictures. The first one is me and Peyton, then me and Tyler, then me and Peyton and Tyler and then me and Adelaide.

There, I feel better. :)

Okay, so for my family and friends who don't know the abbreviations...sorry. I will try to describe them more. Here are a list of some:

TTC: Trying To Concieve
AF: Aunt Flo (period)
BFP: Big Fat Positive (pregnancy test)
BFN: Big Fat Negative (pregnancy test)
TWW: Two Week Wait

FUNNY TYLER STORY AHEAD!!

Last night he called me on the phone. This was part of the conversation:

Tammy: So, when are we going to have another Tyler day [meaning he was going to spend a day/night with us].

Tyler: Well, I can come in 86 days.

Tammy: Okay, I'll mark it on the calendar.

Tyler: Will you be alive then?

Tammy: Well, I hope so. I plan on it. What about you?

Tyler: Well, I think so, but I'm going to have to drink lots of juice.

Tammy: Allrighty then. I'll see what we can do about the juice.

So, if anyone has any left over juice, let me know! I certainly want Tyler alive. :)

Thanks to everyone for your wonderful support and encouragement!! It means so much!!

I'm in the TWW

Well, we did another AI yesterday morning, so I guess I'm officially in the TWW. However, I don't feel good at all about this month. I'm starting to get cramps....a sure sign AF is coming...and my temps aren't going up at all. We're going to check a progesterone level on Saturday to see if I did ovulate and they are going to start me on progesterone...just in case. But, I just know. I'm frustrated, but soooo ready for next month. Mark and I decided this was our "break" and next month I'm going to have the best follies growing!! :) I'm trying to stay positive, but as all you TTC girls know, it's not easy.

Thanks so much for the support guys!!

U/S results

Well, another u/s this morning only to learn that my eggies actually shrunk....shoot. It was heartbreaking. I thought for sure this was an anovulatory cycle. My midwife did call and say that there was some fluid around the ovary and in the cul-de-sac meaning I could have ovulated and they were seeing different follicles. So, we went ahead and did an AI this afternoon and we'll be doing another one tomorrow morning.

Honestly, I just don't have a good feeling. I don't know what it is. I just don't feel like I ovulated. I never got a true, honest +OPK...no peak on my monitor and my temps are just way weird this month. I'm already chalking this up to a failed attempt.

On the positive side, having the u/s was good information for us that we can use and hopefully next month the eggies will be bigger. Otherwise, if they aren't, we know that this whole time, I've had immature eggies which could be why it hasn't taken or stuck.

I've had a really bad day...just feeling down and going through the "Why me?" again. I just don't understand it. I know I'll be a good mom and I know Mark will be a good dad...so why can't we just have a baby? I want Mark to be a daddy as long as possible. I know things happen for a reason and I really, truly, honestly believe there is a reason. I just wish I knew what it was. I know I've met soooo many people through this process and I wouldn't trade that for the world. I guess in some ways, I'm lucky.

Thanks NW girls for all your love and support! You guys rock as you know!! :) I love ya all!!!

(((HUGS)))

Frustration today

Aarrgh!!! So, I had another u/s this morning. My one follie that was 18 mm has grown "just a tiny bit" and is almost 19 mm but not quite. And the other follie that was 15 mm is now 11 mm...yeah, went down. I was soooo hoping for big follies so we could do the trigger shot today. I don't get it. It's soooo frustrating to me. I don't understand why they didn't grow. I'm just so confused. I still haven't gotten a +OPK...no peak reading on my monitor yet. So, we're going to do another u/s tomorrow morning at 8:30 to check on the sizes once again. It's so frustrating! I just want to try again and I feel like my body is working so against me right now.


Then, we got a call from Mark's nephrologist saying his creatinine was up from his baseline of 1.6 to 1.8 and he needs to have his monthly labs rechecked next week now again. Not such good news for Mark as his veins are shot and it's hard to get blood out of him. So, I had to give him the bad news "Oh, by the way honey, my eggies aren't growing and you have to get more blood taken next week....and I love you!!". :) Seriously though, it is a little scary. We don't want to lose that kidney obviously and reject it.


So, I'll keep you guys posted on the u/s. Pray for big eggies!!! Go Eggies Go!! You can do it!!!

Peyton night

Last night we got to have Peyton overnight. I had so much fun with her! I just can't wait to be a mom! She truly is an Uncle Mark girl, though. I tried to get kisses from her with no such luck but would give Uncle Mark a ton...and I was the one changing her diapers! What's up with that? :) I got to rock her to sleep which is an amazing feeling. I actually moved her from her playpen into our bed at 6:00 this morning despite Mark telling me that wasn't a good idea...should've listened to him. Yeah, wide awake at 6 then. Oh,well. It was worth it. She's such an angel and I just can't wait until it's mine.

So, I didn't get a peak reading on my monitor this morning either. I'll be testing with an OPK at noon today. Yesterday I thought for sure it was +, but I got no smiley. So, I'm thinking it'll be today. My CP is soft and open and high, so I'm thinking we're right there. I talked to my MW this morning and we're going to do an u/s right away in the morning to see what's going on. I hope they've grown and we didn't miss it. I'm so scared. I really, really want big eggies! Go eggies go!!!

Michelle, thanks for being the first to comment on my blog!! It was so exciting for me!! Woo-hoo!! Now who's the dork? :) I can't wait until we're posting our baby bellies!

For those who don't know, I'm a picture fanatic, so you'll have to put up with many, many pics.....sorry. :(

Pictures

Hi Everyone!! Thanks so much for reading my blog! It means a lot! Sorry about the hassle about putting it on private. I wanted to show you some pictures of me and my family so you know who you're learning about. :) The first one is of Chad and Peter and Mark by a car...they are total car nuts!!! The next one is of our wedding with my family. There's my mom and dad, my sister, Danielle, and my 2 brothers, Chad and Aaron. The next picture is of our niece, Adelaide, who is about 9 months old. The next one is of our niece, Peyton, who is about 16 months and the last picture is of our nephew Tyler. He's 4-1/2. Tyler was the one who really inspired us to have a child. We totally fell in love with him and we are soooo close to him and Peyton.

I'm so excited to have started this blog! I read so many and love to hear about their journeys! Thanks so much everyone!! :)

My first entry!!

So, I've decided to start a blog! I hope this works. I'm still learning, so I guess we'll see how this goes. :) I've decided to start this so our family and friends will be able to see what is going on in our lives! Thanks so much for swinging by!!