I'm officially in the TWW!

We did the IUI this morning! I'm not confident at all about the timing as most of you know already by my whining and posts. :) So sorry about that. Anyway, it's over and I'm officially in the obsessing TWW along with my good friend Michelle who is TOTALLY getting a BFP this month!! Woo-hoo!! Just check out her chart! It's awesome!!!

Here is a picture of the flowers my mom gave me Friday morning, the day of my u/s. Isn't she so sweet? If I'm half the mom to my child that my mom is to me, my child is going to be the luckiest child in the world. I love you Mom!!


And here is a picture of all the sticks I peed on this month....and I'm actually missing a few. I know I'm going to get different reactions from people. My family and friends will be like "Whoa! That's a lot of peeing!!" and my TTC friends will be like "That's it??? I can top that!!".

Thanks again for all your thoughts and prayers through this all! You guys are soooo awesome! I love the comments! They brighten my day...so thanks! :)

HUGS AND LOVE!!!

I've got 2 eggies!!!

I can't believe it! One is 24 mm and the other is 20 mm!! I'm soooo excited!! I'll be getting a trigger shot this afternoon at 4:30!! Then the IUI will be on Sunday at 7 in the morning!! She was a little leery about doing the shot for "fear" of twins, but if it's meant to happen, it'll happen. Mom, I may have to take you up on that offer of hiring you as a full-time daycare. :)

My mom just dropped by when I was getting home with a bouquet of flowers for my eggie. Isn't that sooo sweet??? Thanks so much Mom! I love you!!

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!! You guys rock!!! Thanks so much for the prayers!!! Thanks sooooo much you guys!!!!!

I got my peak!! Woo-hoo!!!

I FINALLY got my peak on my monitor!! And with the u/s this morning, it's gotta be good timing! At least I'm thinking it's gotta be! I'm really hoping and praying for a good strong eggie! Last month's experience keeps playing in my mind...but I can't worry about that. I'm just over the moon that I got a peak!! That never happened last month, so at least something is different. :)

Thanks again you guys for the wonderful support! I love it! You guys rock so much! Yeah for Heather for getting on!! Woo-hoo!! Thanks for your nice comment! And Amy (Amy&Sharon) thanks for not knowing there were words to "Bewitched"....that makes me feel better. :)

Oh, and I added in later yesterday that it was my mom and dad's anniversary later and not sure if other people saw it....so I wanted to say it again. Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad (yesterday)!!! I love you!!!

I was talking to a very good friend yesterday who has been with me through day 1 since TTC. We were talking about what an emotional rollercoaster this is (as all you TTC girls know) and how those days when AF comes are sooooo hard (as all you TTC girls know). I was telling her how I didn't know if I could handle another BFN as they are so hard (as all you TTC girls know :)). She pointed out to me that I've had a lot more days of "hope" rather than "despair and devastation". Since we've started doing inseminations, we figured out that I've had 139 days of "hope" and 15 days of total "despair and devastation". Then she asked me "Wouldn't you take those 15 days of your devastation for your 139 days of hope?". When she put it like that, I felt so much better. Yeah, those days after AF shows are tough....but yeah, there are a lot of days of hope, too.

Anyway, enough babbling! :) I'll be on later to let you know how the u/s goes! Thanks again for all your thoughts and prayers! Love you all!!

If my hair wasn't blonde, I'd have to dye it....

I did the most stupid thing at work yesterday. I'm a transcriptionist and work from home. I get jobs to transcribe from the hospital downloaded to me. It'll show you when it's downloading and then when you're listening to the job. Well, yesterday it was showing that I was listening to the job but I couldn't hear anything. I unplugged the headphones, turned off the modem, rebooted the computer a couple times....all the while muttering "I don't need this today...grrrrr". Then I FINALLY figured out what was wrong.......the headphones weren't in my ears.

Seriously.....worst blonde moment ever, and I've got quite a few. Sigh.

Oh, by the way, Amy, thanks for letting me know you didn't know there were words to "Bewitched" either. :) That made me feel better.

TTC update: I go in for another u/s tomorrow morning. I still haven't gotten a peak on my monitor and still no surge. I've never been this late. I did talk to my friend Cindy...who rocks girl!!!....and she said the progesterone I had last month can delay the ovulation for this month, so I feel better about things. I'm just majorly confused. My body's been acting like it's gonna O for awhile now...cervix has been very high, open, soft. Yesterday I got eggwhite, otherwise I've had a lot of watery CM. I've felt like a faucet for the last few days. I'm hoping it's still coming. I had a major temp dip this morning, but it was freezing in the house and I took it about 20 min before I usually take it.

Sigh....the joys of TTC and "loving" our bodies.

Pray and hope for my biggest follie tomorrow! :)

Oh! And Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad!! It's been 32 years! I love you!!!

Another hockey stick on Friday

Well, the ultrasound showed that my eggie didn't grow too much...bummer. :( I was pretty disappointed. So, my midwife wants to do another ultrasound (aka hockey stick procedure :)) on Friday. I'm a little nervous about waiting that long, but maybe it'll be okay. I haven't gotten my surge yet or a peak on my monitor yet....so maybe waiting that long will be okay. It'll be CD17 and I've never ovulated that late. I just wish one month would go right. I do OPKs, fertility monitor, CM, CP, temps and now ultrasound and it still doesn't seem to all match up.....grrrr. I know...it's probably still coming....I just have never ovulated this late before and it's all confusing to me. My biggest fear is missing it....especially after what happened last month when it was questionable as to when I ovulated. But, I guess there's not much I can do about it now. I'll just wait and see what happens.

Wow...I'm sure a bummer today, aren't I? Sorry. :(

Okay, to uplift the mood, I'll tell you a funny story from last night. We were watching "Dancing With the Stars" and there was a couple dancing to the song "Bewitched". I looked at Mark and said "I didn't know there were words to that song". He started laughing so hard and said "Of course there are words". I said "Well, on the TV show, all you ever hear is the music and theme with no words so I just assumed it was just the music". I thought Mark was going to pass out from laughing so hard.

Okay, maybe that's not quite so funny and maybe we just need a life. :) For some reason, he thought it was so funny that I didn't know there were words. Just another blonde thing I guess. :)

Have a great day everyone!!

Thank you!!

I feel like Michelle today....I'm so emotional and just so grateful for all the support. Michelle, we often think alike, don't we? :) I just can't get over how lucky I am. I have sooo much support, especially from my NW board. It doesn't matter if I'm on my first try or my sixth. Everyone is just as excited for my u/s and wishing me so much luck. I just can't believe how lucky I am to have found the NW board. It's the best. Thanks so much you guys! I couldn't go through this journey without ya! Okay, the tears are coming....gotta run and get some Kleenex.....and I'm back. :)

I don't know what it is...I just feel so overwhelmed right now with the amount of support and love. I was thinking the other day how great my life is and how lucky I am. I've got the best family, wonderful friends, wonderful husband, a great house, a great job, 2 wonderful boys....I could keep going on and on. I feel like the luckiest woman in the world! I'm so grateful to be on this TTC journey and have met so many wonderful people through it. What an awesome feeling. I truly feel so blessed in my life.

Thank you all for being a part of my life! I love you all!

I don't know why I'm getting all mushy and stuff.....for some reason, all your support just really means a lot and has really hit me the last couple days.

Okay, Tammy, enough! :)

Okay, here's the picture I promised of Peter. Here he is with his half-eaten cake. :( Poor guy. At least he got a piece of his cake. :)

U/S results

I had the fun "hockey stick" procedure. :) I have one dominant follie at 15 mm. At first I was really disappointed about it, but after talking to all the girls on the board (you guys ROCK!!) and then my midwife, I realize I'm right on track! Woo-hoo!!! We're doing another one tomorrow morning at 11 (that's noon your time, Michelle....so sorry to put you on suspense even longer. :(). So, we'll see how that little eggie is growing then. :) There was some extra endometrial thickness and fluid that was of unknown significance. I talked to my midwife about it but she hadn't seen the report, so she didn't know about it. She was going to check it out and see. Kind of freaked me out as from the sounds of it, it was abnormal and needs to be rechecked. I hope it's nothing too serious.

Anyway, thanks so much to everyone for your thoughts and prayers! I love ya all! Thanks for the comments you guys! You're so sweet! Onemorebaby, it was good to hear from ya! I think about ya all the time sweetie!

Lots of love and hugs!!!

I'm old :(

Yesterday we had a birthday party for Chad and Peter. They recently turned 19 and 16....I can't believe how old I am. :( Here are a few pictures from the party:

Here is Chad and Mark with the cake. Unfortunately Peter had to work. :( He couldn't make it to his own party which was disappointing. So, Mark had to stand in for him. Peter will be coming later today so I'll be posting some pictures of him later.
Here is my mom and dad with Tyler, Adelaide and Peyton. It's very seldom we ever get the 3 of them together.
Here are Adelaide and Peyton eating apples together. I love this picture! I think it's so cute.
Here are Peyton, Tyler and Adelaide all playing in the leaves. This was Adelaide's first pile of leaves. :)
This is Chad opening up Tyler's card he made for him. Funny story about that:

Tyler has his box of crafts he has here when he comes. You can just imagine the mess he makes when he takes that out. So yesterday, he was trying to get it out and bring it out to the living room:

Tammy: No, Tyler. No crafts today. There are people coming.
Tyler: But I want to do them!!
Tammy: I said no. There are too many people.
Tyler: I won't make a mess!
Tammy: I said no!
Tyler: But all I wanted to do was make a card for Chad.
(Sound of Tammy's heart breaking)
Tammy: Tyler, you can take out whatever you want! Here is the tape, the paper, the scissors.......

I love kids :)

TTC update: Tomorrow is the ultrasound! I'm really nervous. I'm hoping for good news! Thanks so much to the NW girls for all your support! You guys mean the world to me! You're just like my family. Love you all!! And Michelle, yeah, that would be pretty cool if I had 2 eggs and we both had twins! I'd be freaking out :) but that would be awesome girl! :)

This is crazy!!

Okay, so this is what I recorded into my Fertility Friend chart this morning:

1. CM.
2. CP.
3. Fertility Monitor Result.
4. Saliva Test Result.
5. Temperature.
6. And later today will be posting my OPK result.

Ths is so crazy guys! I can't believe how much we do for our babies! I had mentioned to Cindy that I was going to hold it against my baby and just said I was just kidding. She responded with the most awesome e-mail and I'd like to share it with you guys:


NO! You must remember all of this so you can let him/her REALLY have it. You will need this ammunition when they are teenagers, it's a good response to:

"You don't even care how much I hate unloading the dishwasher or that it just ruins my life!!"

"Yes, that's right, I went to doctors for 3 years undergoing every invasive horrible test, crying every single month, vomited 6-12 times a day for 6 months, went through 36 hours of hellish labor, walked the floor carrying you almost constantly for the 3 months of colic nightmare, and spent the last 17 years giving you every possible thing you could ever want or need and telling you I love you 20 times a day so I could ruin your life my making you unload the dishwasher"

"sigh.......okay mom I'm going"

hehehehehe, you must use it, it is part of the law for being a mother. Here are some other things you are required by law to say"

Don't make me pull this car over
How many times have I told you not........
Because I said so
Stop that, you're going to fall and break your neck
Don't do that, you'll put someone's eye out
Do you have to do everything your friends do?
Don't you roll your eyes at me
If you can't stop playing with that gum, spit it out
No, it's time to get in the tub and you better use soap this time
Did you brush your teeth or did you just wet the toothbrush?
We're going to be late if you don't stop messing around
Did you do your homework?
How long have you known about this book report?

and the number one......

I love you more than you can imagine


Thanks Cindy! You're the best!! :) Love ya girl!!

My first belly picture!

Yeah, I'm a dork. I have taken a picture and I'm not even pregnant...yet. I wanted a picture of the "before". So, despite Mark shaking his head and laughing at me, he agreed to take the picture. :) I did tell him that if this cycle does work, technically this picture would be my 9-day pregnancy picture...took quite a bit of explaining for him to understand that one....men. :)

I'm so nervous for the u/s on Monday. I kind of wish we would be doing one sooner...but I can't worry about that. I'm sure everything will be fine. I just keep thinking about last month when things were so crazy and we didn't know for sure if I had ovulated...and we did 4 u/s...that's 4 "hockey sticks" coming at me....whoa! So, I'm a little nervous about this month. I'm sure everything will be okay.

Congrats to my friend Cindy whose bad news turned into AWESOME news!!! I'm sooooo happy for ya girl! It's so awesome! God does answer prayer!

Hugs to Cindy and Amy

Wow....talk about a bad day yesterday. :( My girls, Cindy and Amy both got bad news. I feel horrible and sick about it and I just want to let them know that I'm thinking of them and know that I'm here. I can't imagine what you guys are going through.

For me, my u/s is this Monday. It'll be CD13. I'm nervous...I hope I get good news this month. Last month was so messed up that I really hope for big eggies this month.

Thanks for all the support and prayers. Please keep Cindy and Amy in your prayers. It's gotta be so hard. We love ya guys!

Happy Birthday Pete!

I know Pete wouldn't be reading this....that would be a little weird for a son to read :). But, he turns 16 today!! Whoa! A parent's worst nightmare! :) HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! We love ya Petie-boy! :)

TRIPLETS???? Are you kidding me????

Last night I had a dream I had triplets!! Yikes! That kind of freaked me out. And I had no idea that I was pregnant with triplets. The doctor just kept pulling them out. After the first one, I told the doctor I didn't want anymore, but he didn't listen to me. Wow. The worst thing is, I kept forgetting the babies everywhere I went. My mom kept asking me where the kids were and Mark and I would just look at each other trying to figure out where we had left them.

We're going to be "great" parents, huh? :(

Here are some pictures from this weekend. We went to a toy show and brought Tyler and Peyton with us, so we got some nice bonding time with them.


This is Mark with Tyler and Peyton.

This is me and Peyton.

This is Mark tickling Peyton. :)

TTC update: Not much new to report. Sounds like I'll be having ultrasounds starting on Monday, unless Ms. Surge makes her appearance earlier. Monday would be CD13. I was kind of hoping to do the ultrasound earlier, but I guess it'll be okay....I hope. :)

Thanks to everyone for the wonderful comments on the blog! I love them! I love the support!

Here's to hoping dreams don't come true. :) I'd really be happy with just one...then I think I could remember where I left it. :)

Pictures as promised :)

First of all I want to send so much baby dust out to Laine and Amy&Sharon!!!! AF is due for them this weekend and I want her to STAY AWAY!!!! I know you guys might be testing, so GOOD LUCK!!!! I understand if you don't test.....I hate that feeling of the single line as you know...so I totally understand. But, I'm sending you guys soooo much luck and love!!!!


This is Mark, me and our niece, Adelaide. Adelaide is going to be 1 year old at the end of November.

This is me and Adelaide. I bring out the best in her. :) She's so cute that I know she takes after her aunt Tammy. :)

This is Mark and Adelaide. She wasn't cooperating too much for this picture. :(

My gymnastics days are over

For those who don't know, I was a gymnast for most of my childhood through high school. I also coached for a few years after high school. I loved the sport. Lately I've been dreaming about it a lot and missing it. So, yesterday after leaving the clinic, I decided I would walk on the curb thinking it was a balance beam. I took 2 steps and stumbled and nearly landed on my face. I quickly looked around to see if anyone had seen. I'm sure there were people in their cars laughing their faces off at me. I made myself feel better by saying it was because of the surgery I had on my ankle....then realized it was the other ankle that made me stumble. The sad thing is I went to state on the balance beam 3 years in high school and placed in the top 6 two years. Yeah, I'm old and my days are over. How devastating.

I know I promised pictures of my niece, but my battery went dead on my camera, so I'll have to show you tomorrow. You guys are probably thinking whew!! :)

TTC update: Today I'm getting my CD3 labs. I'm sure everything will turn out fine. I can't believe in another week I'll be doing u/s again and doing another AI. Wow. :)

What a change in my attitude. A week ago, I was going through the worst depression spell in a long time. I didn't want to talk to anyone and just wanted to be left alone. Today, I feel so blessed to be going through this journey. Yeah, you read that right, I'm actually glad. Granted it's tough not being able to get pg right away. But, I have learned so much and met so many amazing people. I have become so close to my doctors and realized how much they truly care for Mark and I and want this just as bad for us as we do. I have met so many amazing people that I otherwise wouldn't have met...especially the girls on the NW board. You guys rock! I find myself stalking charts...anxiously waiting by the computer for them to wake up and post that temp. I mean, come on....don't you know I'm waiting? :) I find myself not being able to sleep being so nervous for somebody because I know they're going to test. I find myself crying over the BFNs and cheering for the BFPs. I have gotten to know more people through blogging and their personal lives. I find myself so excited for the long-timers getting their BFPs (Amy, RaJen, Deena, Tanya), anxiously waiting for those to get their BFPs (Michelle, Meg, Amy&Sharon, Laine....who else?....oh, yeah, ME!!) and so excited for Aradia and changing the poopy diaper!! Woo-hoo for the milk maid!!! I feel so blessed to have found you guys. I know we'll be friends forever. Soon we won't be talking about TTC, but our babies and when we're old, we'll be complaining about how we forgot to eat our prunes for the day....not a good feeling. :)

Can you tell I'm in a typing mood? I just feel so blessed to have found so many wonderful friends through this journey. It's tough but there's a reason and I love that there are benefits that outweigh the heartache.

Pictures!! Woo-hoo!!

Here are a few pictures I promised from our little mini-vacation. It's up on the North Shore of Lake Superior in northern Minnesota. We stayed at Superior Shores where we stayed for our honeymoon. We come back every year. We got married in May, but we love going in the fall better, so we tend to go that time of year instead. Here are some pictures:


This is Mark and I by Gooseberry Falls. We took a picture like this back in 2002 when we were there. So, we decided to take an updated picture of the 2 of us. The NW girls will recognize the picture 5 years ago of the picture in my old signature on the board. :) Man, we're old. My hair is shorter! I recently got it cut. I love it short even though Mark doesn't. Oh, well....can't do everything to please our husbands. :)

At Superior Shores, they have a place with rocks where couples who have spent their honeymoon or gotten married on the beach can put a rock to show they've been there. So we did that. :) And this is our rock.

This is the pile of rocks :)

This is Mark by Gooseberry Falls near the place where we stayed. It's so beautiful.

We also got to see our niece Adelaide when we were up in Superior and I'll show you guys pictures of her tomorrow. It was so good to see her. We hardly ever get to, so it's nice when we can.

TTC update: Well, not much to report. I'm on CD2. Tomorrow I go in for lab work. Hopefully everything's fine and I'm sure it will be. I'm hoping there will be a ton of BFPs this month. We all deserve it!! AF has been showing up way too much lately.

Double whammy

Well, as expected, it's a BFN. I expected it, but I'm still having my crying fest. It'll be okay, though. I had a nice long talk with my midwife who is so awesome. We've got a plan for next month. We're doing labs on CD3 and then starting ultrasounds on CD9 to make sure we don't miss it. Then we'll do more labs 7DPO to make sure my eggs are mature. If they don't get to a mature size, then next cycle we'll be starting Clomid. I'm also going to make an appointment with a fertility specialist for a couple months from now in case I'm not pregnant by then.

Here's the kicker: A half an hour after my midwife called, I go to the bathroom and still crying and there's AF.....just like a bragging witch. She couldn't have come this morning and saved me a poke?? What a witch.

So that makes me on CD1 right now. I did want AF to come so I'm okay with it....but man, I felt like she was bragging. I could've punched her. Doesn't that woman know any better?

Thanks again for all the support guys! I know I promised pictures, but it'll have to wait until tomorrow. Love and hugs!!

8 days late..still no AF....come out, come out wherever you are

I'm trying to use humor here guys...but the truth is, I'm pretty down. I can't sleep because I'm so worried about this blood test tomorrow. I know it's gonna be a BFN...I just know it. I know I should've taken the blood test way before now but I truly thought AF would be here before now. I've stayed on the progesterone just because I didn't want to lose my baby if I was preggo. Now, I feel like I have to go through that 48-hour depression thing again when I get the BFN and I hate that. And when I have to stop the progesterone, I feel like I'm losing a baby once again...even though I know I never was preggo. The ups and downs of TTC. But, hearing those potential BFPs (Amy and Laine...you go guys!!) and the long-awaited BFP (Amy-WOO-HOO!!!) gives me hope in my bad days. I will be a mother and I won't give up.

Enough negativity already, Tammy....Geez....

On a positive note, Mark and I had a GREAT time on our little vacation. We so needed a little time together and relaxing. It was awesome. It was waaaay too short, though. I'll post pics tomorrow.

Oh, and my friend K had her baby! A beautiful baby boy born on 9/11....not the best day, but I'll always remember his b-day. Unfortunately she had him when we were gone so I wasn't able to be there which I feel bad about. But, I went to see him the minute we were home and he's gorgeous. If I could have one half as cute as him, I'd have a dozen.....okay, maybe not, but he sure is cute. :) Congrats K!! Love ya girl!!

Thanks again for the support everyone!! (((HUGS)))

Anybody need an interior decorator??

Last April, our 4-year-old nephew Tyler had decided our house needed to be "pretty", so he took our Yahtzee sheets and put his initials on there and taped them on every single door in our house. They've been up since....yeah, it's true. We just don't have the heart to take them down and he checks to make sure they are still up every time he's here. Maybe in 18 years we can take them down?? It gets a little hard to explain to people. :) One person said "Either Tyler's been here or you guys are playing some weird games". Well, I wanted to share what a wonderful job Tyler did to our house. Here are 3 of them, but I think we've got about 20 of them around our house....aren't they cute? :) If anyone needs an interior decorator, I think Tyler's your man!

TTC update: Still no AF. Melanie's given her directions, Amy's given her directions and she still hasn't made it to my house. I'm going to wait until next week and if she still hasn't come, I'll have to talk to my midwife to see what the next step is. Thanks again for all the support!

Michelle, congrats again on your move! Woo-hoo!!! However, if you don't have internet access, you can't go. :) Or else you're gonna have a planeload of NW girls coming to see you all the time...heck, we might still do that...Guam sounds awesome!! Laine, here's to hoping your swollen glands stay there!!! Hope you're preggo, girl!! And Amy, I hope you're feeling better every day. Love ya guys!!

I've got the tea and cookies out....come on AF!!

Still not here guys. I think that woman has gone crazy. She seems to show up where she isn't wanted and not show up where she's wanted. What's up with that? Can't a visitor know where she's wanted and where she isn't? I do feel better. I usually have a "48-hour" thing where I feel like crap and so depressed for 48 hours until I really start feeling myself again. So, if you come by my house, you'll see me dancing and singing out in the front lawn....okay, not really....and Mom, I know you're coming today, so you really won't see me. :)

So, I've decided to never test on another HPT (home pregnancy test) again. It's way too painful to see that single line. I told Mark I wasn't ever going to test again. Then he wanted to know what was going to happen when we were pregnant. I said "Well, I'll be late, yeah, but then if I have a baby 9 months later, we'll know I was pregnant". Knowing how emotional I've been the last couple days, Mark said "yes, dear" and left it at that. Poor Mark. :)

One of my best friends, I'll call her K (not sure if she wants me to say her name) is due to have a baby anytime! She's been in and out of the hospital. I can't wait for her to have her baby! I know she's been in so much pain and she's been such a sweetheart to my feelings at the same time. She's truly a good friend. I really wish we would've been able to take belly pics together....say, I just had an idea....when I get my BFP, can you hurry up and get pregnant again so we can take the pics?? Isn't that a great idea??? :) Please keep K in your thoughts and prayers as she is a little early and we want her baby to be a healthy baby. Love ya girl!!

Next Monday and Tuesday, Mark and I are going up to Lake Superior on the North Shore for a little getaway. It's where we went for our honeymoon. It'll be nice to get away. I'll have plenty of pictures for you guys!

Thanks again for all the support you guys! I love you all for it! If you see AF (Aunt Flo--period) wandering around, she's probably lost. I know Melanie e-mailed her directions to my house, but maybe she didn't quite understand them. I'm ready for the next cycle. As I've said before, there are soooo many changes taking place and I have a lot of hope for that cycle. If that cycle doesn't work.....well, I'm not gonna go there right now. :) I've been on the phone with my insurance company so much lately confirming if things are covered. Last night, the woman said "Wow. You've done your homework. There are a lot of notes on your account". Oops....can we say annoying??? :)

(((HUGS)))

And...you're hearing from me again. :(

I know I've already blogged today, so I'm sorry about yet another post. I did talk to my midwife who said we could do a blood test to see, but I can't do it. I'm so tired of those BFNs and seeing Mark's face when I have to tell him. So, we're going to wait a few more days. She thought that AF would still come, but be delayed.

I've had a rough day of blaming myself. For years, it was Mark who always thought he was letting me down and now, I feel like I'm letting him down. I feel like such a failure and like I'm less of a wife. I just don't understand it. Like Michelle, I've been told I should have no problem...so why isn't it happening? I want to give Mark a baby so he can be a father again and I feel like time is our enemy with his health. I know, I know, it's not my fault and there's nothing I'm doing wrong...but I guess when you get in those moods, it's hard not to think that way.

I wanted to say thanks to everyone for your comments on the blog and all the support from the NW girls...you guys are the best and I love ya all! Those comments always seem to come at the right times, so thanks :)

Thanks again for listening to me.

BFN

Not unexpected really. This month has been so messed up anyway. But, of course I'm very disappointed. Now I have to call my midwife to see what the next step is. The frustrating part is that I've had months where there seems to be hope and then it's dashed...either symptoms, temps, whatever. I sometimes wish I had no symptoms at all because it just brings hope and makes those BFNs that much harder. I guess I'm just frustrated, pissed, whatever. Just wish this process wasn't so hard and emotional. I am now on my sixth month. I never would've guessed when we started this that I would have a problem. I thought I'd be pregnant within 3 months and now we're on month #6. I know I shouldn't complain as I know there are people who have been through soooooo much more than me.....but, man, this sucks, as many of you know.

Thanks for coming to my pity party. :) Don't forget to grab your coat on the way out.

Okay, off the topic now and onto a happier topic. Yesterday was Tyler's first day of preschool. I can't believe it. He's growing up way too fast. He loved school. Here's a couple pictures of him on his first day. We had to get a picture of his Lightning McQueen backpack of course. :)

My hope for a Mastercard commerical

1 pack of fertility monitor test strips: $49.99
1 pack of saliva test strips: $24.99
1 pack of Answer OPKs: $17.99
Getting a BFP and having to drive 6 hours to return everything because 3 dang Walgreens in my area didn't sell any FM strips or saliva strips and I had to get them when I saw them: priceless

There are some things in life money can't buy. For everything else, there's Mastercard.

What do you guys think? :) AF is due today. My temps are still up, but I'm thinking it could be due to the progesterone I'm taking. I guess you never know until AF shows. Here is a link to my chart:

http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/186e65

Are we there yet??

Imagine almost 6 hours in a car with a 4-year-old in the back.....can you guess how many times we heard that question? After riding in the car for about 30 min and hearing that 3 times, Tyler said "But, we've been on the road for so many minutes!!". After about 3 hours into the trip, we told Tyler to count to 1000 and by the time he got to 1000, we would be close (granted, yes, a 4-year-old counting to 1000 is nearly impossible, but we thought it would keep his mind busy for a little bit), so Tyler started counting:

Tyler: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 11, 12, 13, 18
Tammy: You're skipping...you're cheating!
Tyler: I'm skipping? Well then, we'll get there faster right?
Mark: Well, he's got a point there!

We had a good time on our trip. We got down there Friday night. Saturday, my mom, dad, brother-in-law and brother went to the Wisconsin Badgers game while my sister, Mark and I stayed back with the kids and went shopping. Lots of Tyler/Peyton bonding time and I loved it. :) Although no nap the whole day....ouch. :( Yeah, they got a little crabby, but it was still fun. Mark and I ended up leaving for home Sunday morning because Mark was so sick. His stomach was acting up and he spent the whole ride home clutching his stomach. The poor guy. Overall, it was a fun trip. Here are some pics!!


Matt (brother-in-law), Aaron (brother) and my mom and dad getting ready to go to the Wisconsin game. My brother was a little upset about me having to take a picture. :)

Peyton saw that everyone had deodorant on, so she felt she
needed some on....so my mom gave her some. :)

Tyler and Peyton riding their "horsey"

What you looking at??

Peyton and I snuggling

TTC update: AF is due tomorrow. We'll see if she makes her appearance. My temps are really high, but I'm thinking it's due to the progesterone. Otherwise, not much else to report. I've stocked up on fertility monitor strips, OPKs and saliva tests so I'm all set for next month!

I hope everyone had a great holiday weekend!!