I've been sick today. :( Basically sick since noon and sleeping off and on and then in front of the toilet when I wasn't sleeping or trying to work. I think I'm having sympathy all day sickness for Kami.
We're in this together, huh, Kami? :) Okay, not really. :)
I got this wonderful present for Mother's Day from my mom, with a little help from Tyler and Peyton :): 
It is a table runner and Tyler and Peyton did their own artwork on it. I, of course, was too afraid of getting it dirty so I have it up on my wall so I can look at it all the time.
It is so precious and I love it.
My mom has made more and is selling them for our peanut fund! I told you she was the best. :) They are a perfect gift. They are fun for the kids to make, fun to save and fun to give. I absolutely love mine and will keep it forever.
My mom has one of her 4 little grandchildren, each with their handprint on it. It's so precious.
Here is a picture of the table runner she makes. Along with the table runner comes a special fabric marker you can use for drawing on the fabric. It has everything you need!
My mom is selling these for $10 which is a steal! She always underprices things but that's just the wonderful person she is. :) For only $10, you get a perfect memory and something you will definitely cherish forever (plus $2 shipping and handling).
The table runners come in different colors. This one is a blue one (the master color in this particular table runner). But, the table runners also come in the other colors seen here with the matching fabric marker.
If you would like to order one, please let me know! You can e-mail me at tammywondra@yahoo.com or leave a comment and I will get back to you.
Thank you!
Thank you so much everyone for your wonderful words of support and love. I know you guys are truly the ones who understand and really the only ones which is why I have my pity party here. :)
I am so grateful for each one of you and I want you to know that. God has been so wonderful to bless me with such wonderful friends.
I love you all!
I've been gone all weekend and have a bunch of blogs to catch up on and I'll be doing that very soon! I just wanted to thank you guys!
(((((HUGS)))))
I figured it out and my due date would have been 07/06/09.
That means I could've been big and uncomfortable right now or have a sweet baby in my arms.
Instead I have 4 angel babies.
As much as I'm grateful for the way things have turned and the road I've traveled, it still hurts so much and I think about what could've been.
I could've had my baby in my arms.
I was so close....so very, very close. So. flipping. close.
I know I'll get there...it'll be worth it....my heart still hurts, though.
Anyone who lives in Minnesota/Wisconsin area knows it's been pretty hot lately. It's been in the 90s for about the last week. For people living in the south, I know that's like a refrigerator for you, but we just aren't used to it. :) Plus the humidity has been very high.
For people with chronic illnesses, it makes it even tougher. Mark's been having a hard time with breathing and chest achiness. The poor guy. Even in the air conditioning, he still has trouble with breathing as he can still feel the humidity.
Yesterday he was laying on the couch and not feeling the best. I wanted to help him feel better.
So, I went to the bedroom, took off all my clothes and walked back out to the living room.
Yes I was naked.
Stark. Naked.
I got a nice smile and a shake of the head. At least I made him think of something else other than not feeling good. :)
Have I told you guys how much I love ya? Thanks so much for the wonderful support! It means the world.
I wanted to post a few pictures....surprise, surprise. :)
Below is a keychain I recently purchased from Tiffany and her Pifer Bean Fund. As most of you know, Tiffany and Zach will be undergoing fertility treatment and we all know how expensive that is, especially when you have no coverage. I love the keychain. It's nice and pink so I have a hard time losing my keys, although sometimes I still tend to. :) Please go to their website and check it out! They are also having a giveaway! Can't beat that. :)
Also, here are some recent pictures of Tyler and Peyton. They are the cutest, aren't they? Mark's convinced they take after their Uncle Mark, but I think they take after their Auntie Tammy. What do you guys think? :)
Tyler and Peyton
Tyler age 6
Peyton age 3
I don't think I've ever loved 2 kids more. :)
I’m sorry to keep everyone in the dark! I’ve been trying to figure out how to put this into words as words just can’t express the miracle.
WE HAVE EMBRYOS!
That’s right! As most know, Kami is pregnant with twins. She has 3 perfect 4AA blasts in storage. She and her gracious husband, Steve, have given her embryos to us. Even though they insist we can take them now which is so sweet, we’re insisting we wait until she gives birth to her precious twins. Even if heaven forbid something happens with this pregnancy, they will still only be using 1 of the embryos and we’ll still get 2.
So, as of right now, Mark and I are the proud parents of 3 perfect embryos and soon we will be able to try a FET! I’m already so much in love with them and I think about them all the time.
This is so amazing to us. I do realize that anything can happen, but I know God open doors along the way and even though sometimes they can close, there is always a reason that door is opened.
Please keep Kami and Steve in your prayers and they continue with this pregnancy and that they continue to be okay with their decision as we certainly don’t want hurt feelings or regrets. Kami and Steve, your precious decision as given us so much hope and love and we can’t express how much it means to us. I’ve sat here for 15 minutes trying to figure out what to say to you guys but honestly, words just can’t express it. We will always love you for the precious gift you have given us.
And again, I know anything can happen and no matter what, I feel like God is using me in this ministry and I am so honored He is using me, no matter what the outcome.
Thank you to all for all your support and love. You guys are the best.
Just as an FYI, at this point, we aren't telling our family and friends, just the blog world. If they happen to read my blog, that's okay, but not many people know much about donated/adopted embryos and so we would rather tell those who understand. We certainly aren't ashamed of this at all, just don't feel a lot of people know the process or situation. So, if anyone knows me on Face.book or my.space, please keep this quiet. :) Thank you!!
I wrote this a few days ago. Since then, something has happened to brighten my mood which I will be blogging about very soon. But, I wanted to document this as these are my feelings some days. Stay tuned! It will be worth it..I promise!!
I know that if my IVF would have worked, I would be due this summer. I don’t know the exact date but I know I would’ve been as big as a house right about now and I would be due this summer.
And it pulls at the heart strings.
But, at the same time, I wouldn’t trade this turn of events for anything. God has blessed me in so many ways. I have been able to meet my donor angel and I’ve been able to get so close to her. I can’t even describe how much she truly means to me. I got to meet Stacey. Again, someone whom I’m so glad to have met. I’ve gotten to know others who I have gotten to talk to on the phone who I know I wouldn’t have been blessed to had I been as big as a house right now. I’ve seen the good in people that I otherwise wouldn’t have seen. People have been so giving and gracious. I don’t want to say what people have done because I know they wouldn’t want the public recognition as I know they’ve said/gave/done things because they love me and Mark and out of the kindness of their heart which makes it that much more special. I wouldn’t have been given this ministry if my IVF would’ve worked.
But I still want to be pregnant. I still want to be huge and uncomfortable right now. I want to be feeling my baby kick. I want to be fixing up the nursery, stressed out and wondering if I’m really going to be able to handle the labor.
I’m happy things turned out the way they did. I know God knows what He’s doing, but I’m still sad.
I miss my angel babies. I miss them so much. But I know I’ve met angels here on earth because of my angel babies.
The other day I ran into one of my old high school classmates. I hadn’t seen her in awhile and when I saw her, it was obvious she was expecting. Her due date was August 7.
That could’ve been me.
We were talking about her ultrasounds, her labor plan and everything. And the whole time I was thinking it could’ve been me and it made me sad.
She had no idea we were TTC or else I know she wouldn’t have talked as much as she did about her pregnancy. And I didn’t want to tell her because I knew she would feel bad.
But actually seeing what I could’ve been, really tugged at the heart strings.
I'm happy and sad all at the same time.
Welcome ICLW! For those who don’t know what it is, check out the link on the right.
For those who don’t know me, I want to give a little history of me and the reason I put this blog together, the wonderful world of infertility.
I married my hubby in May 2001. He has struggled with a lot of health issues. He’s a diabetic and has had 3 documented heart attacks. He’s had triple bypass surgery and a kidney transplant. Our struggles have only brought us closer together and God has gotten us through them. God is so good to us.
In July 2003, Mark was feeling better after his transplant and we decided to try for a baby. We tried the natural way for almost 3 years off and on as Mark continued to struggle with health issues and had to endure hospitalizations at times.
In March 2006, we saw our doctor about our infertility struggles. We started doing research about things and talking to more and more doctors. It seemed like it was a never-ending thing as all infertiles know.
In April 2007, we started IUIs. After 12 BFNs, we decided to go onto IVF. Although I responded great to the meds and had a great number of eggs retrieved, only 4 eggs fertilized but failed to divide. Although the genetic testing came back normal, we were told it was most likely an egg quality issue and we were told we would have to use donor eggs.
Since then we have tried to do a known donor cycle which didn’t work out because of the distance, a known adoption which didn’t work and a donor egg study which didn’t work. We have currently seen a psychologist and have been approved for the donor embryo waiting list.
More details of our journey can be found on the right along with our IVF blog describing our IVF journey.
Thank you so much for coming to visit my blog! It means so much to me. I hope you continue to follow my journey and I hope to follow yours and get to know each other so much better. I wish you all the very best in your journey.
I have to admit, I don’t know much about this subject so I’m looking for some help here.
Last night Mark and I were at the drug store and we came across some jock straps. Just as a side note, we weren’t actually looking for them, just came across them. I noticed that the sizes were small, medium, large and extra large. First I asked Mark if any guy would seriously buy a small, thinking that might hurt his ego. Mark said he didn’t know but he knew he would need an extra large for sure. Yep, you just keep thinking that honey.
Anyway, I was asking Mark how guys knew what “size” they would be. Mark said they go by their waist line. I asked Mark “But what if your waist is really small and then your wee-wee is really big? Wouldn’t you have a problem then? Or what if your waist was really big and your wee-wee was really small?” Mark thought they were adjustable, but he wasn’t sure.
Do you guys know? How does a guy decide his “size” of a jock strap?
This is proof that Mark and I are true dorks.
As you probably know, we got a new car. I've been obsessive about it, making sure it's clean and no scratches, etc. Mark and I came out of the clinic and I went up to the car and was very carefully inspecting it as another car had parked a little too close to it. Mark asked me what I was doing.
I said "I'm checking for dents and scratches. This car parked way too close to ours."
Mark said "Uh, Tammy, why don't you try looking at our car?"
Yeah, that's right, I was at the wrong car.
To be fair, I have to tell a dumb Mark story. :)
I don't know if anyone has a Men.ard's in their town, but they have these spinner things you have to walk in before you get in the store. They are like those things you pass through to get onto a ride at an amusement park. I hope you know what I'm talking about. It's hard to describe.
Anyway, Mark is a child at heart and whenever we go up there, he likes to go through the spinner and then spin it really fast behind him.
The other day we went up there and Mark was right behind me. He does his usual spinning really fast. Then we hear a lady scream, "Hey! I could've gotten hurt!". We turn around and there are like 5 people behind us and a little old lady who got hit with the spinner thing. I pretended I didn't know Mark :), and to this day Mark won't spin it really fast anymore. :)
Okay, and here are a couple very cute Tyler and Peyton stories that I have to share.
We were on a walk with Peyton and everyone knows 3-year-olds like to talk and talk. Peyton will get on a story and just keep going. Sometimes she'll kind of stumble on her words and try to figure out what to say. Anyway, we were walking and she was talking about something. She was trying to get out what she was trying to say but had trouble. I looked at her and say "Spit it out, honey".
So she turns to the side and spits on the ground. :)
I sometimes forget that 3-year-olds take things literally. :)
Then, we were at Mark's mom's house with Tyler. He found an old flag that had the 13 stars on it. So he asks Mark's mom "Were you a mom when there were only 13 states?"
Thank goodness she has a hearing aid but doesn't wear it. Luckily she didn't hear Tyler and when she asked what he said, Mark and I spontaneously said, "Nothing!".
Our drive to church is about 30 minutes and sometimes Mark doesn’t feel up to the drive or feel good enough to go to church. On those days, we’ll stay home and I’ll watch the In Tou.ch service on TV.
It sometimes amazes me how God will speak to me through those services, just like I was meant to not go to church and see that particular message. For example, one week I was having a really bad week at work and I was very angry at my boss. That week, we weren’t able to go to church so I watched the service on TV. The message was “How to Deal With Anger”. Yeah, that’s real funny, God…ha, ha.
A couple weeks ago, Mark was having some back pain. He told me I could go to church and he would stay home. Considering the last time he had back pain he ended up passing out, I told him it would be snowing in July in Miami before I left him. So, he let me stay home. I think that was wise on his part.
The message was “Serving God’s Purpose”. He talked about how God has a purpose for each one of us, no matter how big or small. He talked about David and how he took down Goliath and he talked about how even David’s affair with Bathsheba was God’s purpose (side note—I don’t think that means people can use that as an excuse that their affairs are God’s purpose).
Anyway, what really struck me was when the pastor said that if we have something on our hearts or something we are going through we want to talk about and not sure to say it or bring it up, just do it. You never know if you’ll be helping someone else by speaking and it may be God’s purpose.
Now, I want to reassure you that what I am about to say isn’t meant to brag by any means. Please know that. I was just amazed at how those words spoke to me as there have been more times than I can count where I have posted something that was on my heart and I not only received comments thanking me for posting and telling me how they needed to hear it, but also personal e-mails. Some people have told me it’s nice to know someone truly understands and they don’t feel so alone anymore. I know there have been times I’ve been burned and criticized for being so open and honest, but now I realize that what I have to say may be God’s purpose for one reason or the other. I don’t know. But like I’ve said many, many times (and you’re probably getting sick of hearing this from me), if I can help one person, it’s worth it to me.
So, if you have something on your heart and mind, say it. You could be helping someone else.
A couple days ago, I was talking to someone who was telling me that God talks through animals. She gave a couple examples of her experiences and told me that if it happened to me, I would know.
I’m sitting there thinking yeah, right. The only way I would ever believe God was talking through animals was if an animal came up to me and said “I am God” and then we’d have a whole other set of issues.
We have a tree right outside our kitchen window that we planted in memory of our angel babies. I like to call it our angel tree. I look out at it every morning when I’m getting my coffee.
Yesterday morning, I was getting my coffee when I noticed a little baby bunny right underneath the tree. I had this warm feeling in my heart. It was absolutely amazing. I went to get my camera as I wanted a picture of it. I told Mark about it as I was running to my office to get my camera.
By the time I got back to the kitchen window, the baby bunny had jumped away (of course) about 15 feet. That bunny had to be jumping pretty fast to get away about 15 feet in that short period of time.
I was the only one who saw the bunny. Mark didn’t get up to the window in time and of course I didn’t get a picture. But the feeling I got when I saw the baby bunny under our angel tree was simply amazing. Something I can’t describe. And it was like I was the only person meant to see that baby bunny underneath our angel tree.
What is even more amazing is that when we went to see the psychologist, she was showing us books for young children to help explain donor eggs and donor embryos. It talked about a fertile animal who helped another fertile animal have babies. The animal was....that’s right, a bunny.
I don’t know what it means, maybe nothing. But it was pretty cool and the feeling I had was something I’ve never had before.
Maybe God does speak through animals and it doesn’t have to tell me “I am God”.
I want to respond to a few things that were e-mailed to me yesterday:
1. Yes, I realize I have chosen my life. I have chosen to be married to Mark. I have chosen to try for a baby. I have chosen to continue to try despite Mark’s health issues. I do feel that even though I have chosen this way, I can still be sad about what is going on.
2. For what seems like the millionth time, I want to reiterate that I am grateful for what I have. I realize I do have a great life. I love my life. I am so blessed to have the family I have, the friends I have and the great marriage I have. But, like I said, God gave us emotions and sometimes I am sad about what we don’t have even though I’m so very grateful for what I have. That may seem hard to figure out, but I think when you stop to really think about it, it makes sense.
3. Regarding the overweight woman in the spandex, I reread what I wrote and I realize how people could take offense to that and I want to apologize for it. I am so very sorry. I realize that I made it seem like I wanted to take a picture just because she was overweight which wasn’t true at all. It was the fact that the pants were so tight they looked like they were painted on. We compared it to Ross on Frie.nds with his leather pants (who wasn’t overweight). The fact that she was heavy made it more obvious, but that wasn’t the reason by any means. It was the fact that they definitely looked like they were literally painted on. I don’t understand how people can wear things that tight. I wouldn’t be able to at all. But, I do want to sincerely apologize to anyone who took that the wrong way.
4. I do realize we all have different crosses when it comes to weight. I can imagine it’s very hard when you’re overweight to lose weight. I’m one of the fortunate ones who are very skinny. I have the opposite problem....I can’t gain weight as much as I try. Sounds great, huh? I admit, it does have its advantages. But, it hasn’t been easy. I was in gymnastics in high school and coaches would tell my coach they were sure I was anorexic. Coaches would give me candy bars and make me eat it in front of them because they were sure I wasn’t eating. In the lunch line at school, if I got just a salad or something, they would make me go back and get something else, preferably a cookie or something. I was watched like a hawk and accused many times of being anorexic. I remember one time getting sick and throwing up after lunch and going to the nurse and her asking me “Are you sure you didn’t purposely throw up?”. My nickname was “indention” in middle school because “my boobs were so little, they indented into my body”. I graduated from high school 15 years ago and I still remember all this and it hurts. Even now, I’m constantly accused of not eating and not being “healthy enough” to carry a pregnancy. I realize I am lucky to be skinny and not have to worry about losing weight, but it’s not easy being skinny either sometimes.
There have been some events in my life that I have prayed for the Rapture to occur before they happen and the graduation and our psychologist appointment were definitely two of those events.
Obviously God didn't listen to me.
But, both went well! Much better than I had anticipated. Of course I wanted to see Chad graduate...it was just knowing I'd be spending an afternoon with the ex that wasn't exactly on my top 10 things I wanted to do that afternoon. Luckily, it was our Peyton day Friday so we had her. Having Peyton around just automatically makes you smile.
When we walked into the gym, I saw Peter waving at us from the front row. It looked like he was waving us up to sit with them, so we went up there. There were 2 empty seats right next to the ex. I asked if they were saving them for us. She said "No, but you can have them if you want." I said "Okay. Thanks.". What I really wanted to say was Well, no, we'd rather not. We'll go sit in the far back. Obviously I couldn't say that and we sat down.
It actually went well. At one point we even joked together about the very overweight woman in front of us who had spandex on and seriously looked like they were painted on (I was going to take a picture of her, but thought it would look a little wierd of me to be taking pictures of her, ya know?). Peyton also was a helpful distraction. :) So, it was a successful afternoon.
Here are some pictures. Some are a little blurry. I don't know what happened, but I was disappointed. :(
Chad walking in. The minute Peyton saw him, she screamed "I SEE CHAD!". :) It was pretty cute.
Chad getting his diploma.
Chad and Mark. Mark wanted to try on the cap. :)
Chad's mom, Chad and Mark
Peter, Chad and Mark. We did inform Peter after this picture was taken that he was inside and as far as we knew, there was no sun in the building.
Mark and Peyton
Peyton
I realized later that I never got a picture of me. :( It's okay with me but it would've been nice to have had one with the graduate.
Then, at the psychologist appointment, things went much better than I thought they would. The last time I left crying and this time, I left with tears in my eyes, but for a MUCH different reason. I was just so happy and so relieved that we were FINALLY doing something for our peanut! I felt like I was finally being a good mother as we were making a step towards getting our peanut home.
We had arrived there about 10 minutes early and the building was completely locked up. We ended up sitting in the car while it was pouring rain (it was pouring rain the last time we saw her, too....maybe not a good sign) and she finally showed up at 4 minutes to 9 when our appointment was 9. When she went in, we waited about a minute later and went in and sat in the waiting room. Then we heard the vacuum going in her office. Both Mark and I looked at each other and kind of laughed. I don't know why....just seemed kind of wierd to be vacuuming a couple minutes before seeing somebody. I had to go to the bathroom and I asked Mark if he thought I had time. He said "Oh, yeah. She's gotta dust yet.". Mark can always make me smile. :)
She basically just asked questions like why were were going ahead with donor embryos, what we would tell the child, etc. When she would turn around, Mark would wipe his finger on the table, acting like he was checking for dust. :) It was so funny!
She told us of a great donor embryo clinic in TN where it's a frozen embryo adoption program, no waiting list, and a 54% success rate which is TWICE the national average which is awesome! You would only need to travel there twice and it's about $7000-10000 (that's including the home study). Unfortunately with the home study, she said with Mark's health issues, that could be an issue which I kind of knew, so that's not a good option for us. But, if anyone would like the info, definitely let me know! I can give it to you as that is a great opportunity!
I'm just so happy to finally be doing something! WE'RE GOING TO BE ON A WAITING LIST!!! Yeah, it could be 2 years, but God is in control! I have so much calmness over me right now. It's all in God's hands and what is meant to be is meant to be and I'm okay with it.
I'm just happy to be going forward! It's one little step, but you can't move forward without taking steps. :)
Thank you sooooo much everyone for your thoughts and prayers! You definitely helped!!! Thank you!!!!!
the pscyhologist tomorrow to get on the donor embryo waiting list. :) Last time we saw her, I ended up leaving in tears, so I'm a little nervous about it. I'll be glad when it's over.
But this is another step towards our peanut!! I'm very excited about that. :) I know if it's meant to be, God will provide. It's all in His hands.
We would appreciate prayers tomorrow.
Also, this afternoon Chad graduates from college! We'll be going to the ceremony this afternoon. That means a whole afternoon spent with the ex.
Enough said. I could use prayers this afternoon too. :)
Thanks so much you guys! It means so much.
Mark and Peyton
Mark dressed himself in the morning....can you see what he did? :)
Adelaide, Mark and Peyton
A face only an auntie can love
Adelaide and Peyton
Tammy, Peyton and Mark
My mom and Adelaide
Adelaide
Me and Peyton
I had to take a picture of Peyton in her snow boots in May
My brother and sister turn 30 today.
I can't believe it. My little sister and brother are the big 3-0. I feel so old.
I know my brother won't read this (a little wierd for a brother to read about his sister TTC), but I wanted to wish my brother, Chad, a happy birthday! I love you!
And to my sister, Danielle: I'm so blessed to have you as my sister. Growing up, I didn't think I'd ever say that sometimes :), but you're my best friend and I'm so glad to have you as my sister. I'm so lucky that you are so gracious and caring that you allow us to watch the kids so much and let us be such a major part of their lives. We cherish it more than you know and are so grateful for it.
Thank you for being my sister, best friend and a great mother to my niece and nephew. I hope one day I have the honor to be an awesome mother like you. You're a great role model. I love you!
Thank you so much everyone for the amazing words of support and prayers. I knew of all people you guys were the ones who would truly understand my feelings. I have the best friends and family. Thank you! (((HUGS)))
Just as a warning, this post could make you cry. Just thinking about it, gives me a lump in my throat and I know by the time I’m done typing it, I will be crying. So, Mom….you have been warned. :) And Kami, I know you’ll want to grab a few tissues. :)
Not long ago, Mark told me he knew he would die before me and he was very worried about me because he was afraid I wasn’t going to be happy and he wanted me to be happy. I talked to a friend of mine who had been through this exact situation and I asked her what Mark meant about me being happy….if he was giving me permission to be with someone else or what.
She told me “I know the answer to that Tammy, but I want you to ask Mark.” I said “I can’t do that. It’s too hard and I don’t know what Mark would think about me asking him about that.” She said “I can tell you, it will be the hardest conversation you will ever have with him, but it will be the one you will most treasure. Trust me.”
So, I did. I trusted her and talked to Mark about it. I had tears in my eyes before I even began to speak.
I said “Honey, I need to ask you something.”
Mark put his arms around me and asked “Are you okay?”
I said “Yeah. I just need to know….when you said you wanted me to be happy, what did you mean by that?”
Mark said “Tam, I just want you happy. That’s all. That’s all I meant by that.”
I said “Well, I mean……well……what I’m trying to say……this is so hard”. And I began to cry.
Mark said “You can ask me anything, Tam. Anything at all.”
I said “What I mean was, were you giving me, you know, permission to be with someone else?”
Mark said “I honestly just want you happy. That’s the most important thing to me…your happiness.”
I said “Well, if it ever came down to that, I would want your help. I would want you to help pick someone out and I would want your blessing.”
Mark said “You can count on it.”
After crying and holding each other for awhile, I looked up at him and said “And the baby? Are you going to give me my baby?”
Mark smiled and said “I promised you, didn’t I?”
I nodded and as the tears kept coming, Mark would wipe them off and tell me how much he loves me.
My friend was definitely right. It was the absolute hardest conversation we have ever had, but it was the best. I felt so much better as I know Mark will always be there for me no matter what…no matter what. I know where he stands and I know if it ever comes to that, he’ll be there.
(Now hopefully it never will come to that. In a perfect situation, Mark and I will go together. But, we’re realistic people and we’re always so open and honest with each other which I treasure so much.)
I can tell you, if you’re ever blessed to have that conversation with your significant other, I encourage you to do it. Trust me, it’s not easy (I have tears in my eyes now obviously), but it’s like a huge weight off your shoulders. I don’t regret it at all and I’m so happy I asked Mark rather than have someone else give me the answer.
This may seem like a private conversation between Mark and I, but I want to share it and document it for several reasons.
1. If we have a baby, I want him/her to know how much his/her daddy loved both me and him/her.
2. If Mark passes away before we have a baby, I want our baby to know Mark had a part in bringing him/her into this world.
3. To remind myself of this conversation and if it comes to that, that me being happy is okay.
4. To hopefully help someone else. If I can help one person, it would mean so much to me.
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<center><a href="http://twondra.blogspot.com//"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYQvN_pSSMxHjodM-PNrEh_EpEwaw8LKch6A7KWjeM8BNlOZ__sS3idF9yk21y-cA3Dms6_4TjyhPepGgYecbUceQL5k_rmMfZ4o3nNR6oOhe6uB7Hhf8_ABQvYmKCH54Zmx4yR5k96fw/s320/tn-2.jpg"/></a></center>
