Patience

I want to thank you so much everyone for your wonderful support and a special thanks to those who e-mailed me personally to make sure I was okay. It really means so much to me. I know I'm days behind on blogs and I plan to get caught up.

I admit, I've been pretty down. I'm trying to look on the bright side, but I admit it's hard. I've been staying busy, though, and trying not to think about it but it seems that everywhere I go there are newborns or pregnant women and that kind of gets me down (that's not including my sweet friend, K, and my sister, who I know will be reading this!! You guys helped keep me going, so thank you!!)

I know our infertility journey hasn't been as long as others and I know it's been longer than others. We've been trying for 6-1/2 years, ever since Tyler was 6 months old and we were in love with him. We tried naturally for 3 years (in between Mark's heart attack and health issues). We then did 12 IUIs, a failed IVF, a failed attempt at known donor eggs, a failed attempt at a known adoption and a failed attempt at a donor egg study.

With Mark's transplant journey, we were told it would only take a couple months to complete the testing before the transplant would be able to be scheduled. Over a year later, heart surgery and countless setbacks later, Mark was finally able to have his transplant.

I can't tell you how many times we've heard "you guys have so much patience" and "you guys must be the most patient people ever".

The truth is, it's the exact opposite.

I think we are the most impatient people ever. I feel I have no patience whatsoever. I do think I have more compassion for people in our situation.

For example, there is a lady who lives near us who had a kidney transplant a few years before Mark. We don't talk to her much but we send her a Christmas card every year. She's one of the strongest ladies I know. She's had heart bypass surgery, a pancreas and kidney transplant, has had her legs amputated and is legally blind. And she has an awesome attitude. She inspires both Mark and I.

Anyway, after the holidays, she usually calls us and thanks us for the card and we talk for awhile about how things are going. This year she admitted she was a little nervous as she was told by her clinic (the same one we go to) that she had to see a nephrologist (kidney doctor). The clinic doesn't tell you that unless there is a need.

A couple weeks later, she called me back. We have caller ID and the minute I saw her name come up, I picked it up immediately despite the fact I had to leave for an appointment. I knew she had been a little nervous and knew she wouldn't be calling me unless it was important. Luckily, she just needed directions to an office and things were fine. I was late for the appointment but I really didn't care as right then, she was my priority as I know how sometimes you just need to talk to someone who has been there and I wasn't going to let her down.

So, although I don't have the patience, I feel I'm more compassionate. I know I annoy people with my impatience but I hope I can make up for it with my compassion.

Our FET is delayed

I found out that our FET is delayed at least for a month, possibly more. There was a misunderstanding about the contract and we have to fix that.

We're crushed and devastated. :( I know God has a reason, but it's so hard to know why.

We just don't want to wait anymore and we're tired of waiting. But, I have to trust God that there is a reason.

I just want to know why, why do we have setback after setback?? It just doesn't seem fair.

Blog award

I got a blog award!

Thank you so much Brittney!!



The rules are simple - just give 7 fun facts about you and then nominate 7 people for the beautiful blogger award.

1. When we wanted to get a dog, I wanted a house-trained, young, short-haired dog. Mark picked out Eddie, who was not house-trained, was 8 years old and had long hair, but he was the only dog not barking and we didn't want a barker. Now, I wouldn't give up Eddie for the world.

2. I still have our Christmas cards taped on the wall, mostly because I'm lazy to take them off. I'm hoping they'll fall off the wall soon.

3. I can't keep plants alive. I've even killed a fake plant. Yes, believe it or not, it is possible.

4. I've been told I have a Wisconsin accent which to this day, I haven't a clue what exactly that is.

5. I would love to meet Sarah Palin.

6. I love the ABC Fa.mily show "Make It or Bre.ak It".

7. My blog time is very important to me and it's important to me to show support. I love you guys and I love being there for you guys.


I'm nominating the following:

A Look Into My Life (who makes awesome jewelry...you gotta check it out!)

Once an Infertile (a big sweetheart!)

BTW..We Did Not Just Relax (who got her BFP after going through so much! Yay!)

Team Stutts (who also just announced she's pregnant! Yay!)

An Interesting Journey (who recently raised enough for IVF! Yay!)

Baby Blueprint (and....you guessed it, recently announced their BFP! Yay!)

Stacey's Thoughts on Infertility (she recently had some big news, but for the life of me I can't remember.....it's not coming to me......okay, I'm kidding. :) She recently got her BFP after a very long battle and could use prayers this one sticks).

What do babies, student of the week and commentators have in common?

They are all in this post. :)

I'm such a dork. :)

KAMI HAD HER BABIES!!!! Samantha and Mia were born healthy! Please check out her blog and wish her congrats!!

I wanted to thank you all for the wonderful comments on my last post. You made me feel a lot better. I want to especially thank those who have been through the donated/adopted embryos and were completely honest about your feelings. You made me feel normal. I do agree that these feelings will come and go but at least I know I'm "normal", so I want to especially thank you guys who knew my feelings and had been through it firsthand. Thank you!

I also have to say that I'm a very proud aunt as Tyler is Student of the Week for his class!! Yay!

Okay, did anyone watch the Vikin.gs/Sai.nts game? I'm not going to talk about the outcome as it was such a depressing, devastating outcome. I don't know if you were listening to the commentators but Mark and I decided we could probably do just as good of a job as them.

At one point, one commentator said "If you were expecting an offense, high-scoring game...well, you got what you expected". Ya think?

And this was the best one. At halftime, it was tied 14 to 14. One commentator seriously said "The team who gets the most points in the second half will win this game." Nooooo! Are you serious? Thanks so much for that information! **dripping with sarcasm***

I know they are live and it's gotta be hard to come up with things on the spur of the moment, but I gotta laugh sometimes at them. :)

Calling all those with embryo adoption/donation **second post of the day**

I know I've addressed these thoughts before, but I'd like to again and specifically ask those who have adopted embryos and/or used donated embryos as I know you know exactly what I'm talking about.

Not that I don't value anyone else's. :)

There are 2 things that when I hear someone say, it kind of tugs at the heart strings just a little. Lately it seems I've heard it a lot and so the feelings are fresh in my mind and constantly swirling in my brain.

And so, I wanted to ask you guys about your opinions and how you feel.

1. "I'm so excited to have a child that was created by me and my husband, 50% me, 50% husband and a creation of the 2 of us together".
2. "The baby has your eyes, your husband's mouth, your ears", etc.

Now, again, I know I've touched on these and I know that even in adopted children, people will say #2. In fact, in our family alone, I've heard people say our great-niece definitely looks like a Wondra which is impossible because her dad is adopted. :)

But, I can't help it. It always tugs at the heart and I feel bad because it's MY fault we have to use donor embyros/eggs, it's MY scrambled eggs, etc.

So, I guess I'm reaching out to you guys to see how you feel and how you deal with it. I've gotten WONDERFUL advice before from others adopting and stuff and that article I found regarding donor eggs/embryos that I posted awhile ago definitely helps. But, I would love to get your advice as you have been exactly where I am today.

How do you guys feel when you hear things like that knowing that it's not really true in your situation? I know, I know....a baby would still be created by my husband and I and we "created" it and went through it all together (I've been told that before and it makes sense :))......but you know what I mean.

I would love, love, love your opinions and advice. :)

Thanks guys!!

The difference between friends

I’ve been wanting to blog about this for the longest time. I haven’t quite known how to put this into words, but I’m just going to go for it and see what happens.

As all infertiles know, hearing about someone else’s pregnancy is never an easy thing. No matter how happy you are for them, there is always that voice in your head saying When will it be my turn? Why not me? and there is always that tiny feeling of jealousy that you wish wasn’t there.

To be honest, I really don’t feel that way with the long-time infertiles. I really don’t. I don’t know why but I’m honestly soooo happy for women who have tried for so long and get their BFP. Of course, I want it to be me, too, but I know how hard it is to struggle with infertility and I don’t want anyone to go through that emotional roller coaster.

Anyway, to get onto my post, last fall, I had the experience of having 2 very close friends and my sister tell me they were expecting. All 3 knew everything we had been through and I mean everything. These 3 knew my journey like the back of their hand.

I want to clarify right now that I truly don’t expect people to be considerate of my feelings when they tell me news like that. I want them to think of themselves and their feelings. But, when people think of me and my feelings, it really touches me.

My first friend, A, came to my house and told me. She was happy and yet so scared because at 6 weeks, she was already showing. She was worried that she might have twins and she couldn’t handle that. She said she also needed me during this pregnancy because she couldn’t get through it without me because the last pregnancy was "so hard" (which really wasn’t that hard compared to so many other people).

I admit, the minute she left, I burst into tears. And I admit, I was angry and frustrated because she knew what I was going through and yet seemed to have no consideration for my feelings at all. And to be honest, I really wasn’t that happy for her. I know that sounds horrible and I feel bad for feeling that way, but I felt as a friend and knowing what I was going through, I had hoped she would’ve been a little more considerate.

Okay, I just reread that and realized how horrible that sounds. But, those were my honest feelings.

Anyway, my second friend, K, called me on the phone and told me. I remember her feeling so bad and asking several times if I was okay. Mark was out at the time on a walk and she wanted to stay on the phone with me until Mark got home so I wouldn’t be alone. She said she was always there for me and I could vent to her, even if it was about her.

And, yes, I cried after talking to her. But I cried because I felt so bad that as a friend, I put her in that situation that she felt bad about telling me. I sincerely was happy for her…I really was.

And then there is my sister. Wow. Words can’t really even explain this one. What an amazing sister.

She came to our house. She started crying and told me. I can’t remember exactly how far she was along at that point, but I think she was 8-10 weeks. They hadn’t told anyone because they wanted us (besides my parents) to know first and make sure I was okay. They waited until after our family vacation to tell us because they wanted me to enjoy the vacation. She felt horrible. It wasn’t expected, a complete surprise, and she said she wished it were me in the situation and not her because of all we had been through. The next day, she called me to make sure I was okay.

And, yes, of course I cried. And again, I cried because I put her in that situation. I felt horrible that she had waited so long to tell anyone because she wanted to protect me and my feelings. She had a rough beginning of the pregnancy and she was dealing with it alone and I felt horrible.

I’m ashamed to admit, but I’ve kind of stayed away from A. She is a very self-focused person, which I think is okay, but at this time, I can’t handle that as she is so focused on her pregnancy and the "problems" associated with it. I really felt bad until I was reading one of my infertility books which said that when dealing with infertility, sometimes you have to let friendships take a “backseat” or dissolve completely. I never understood why, but I totally see why now. I still love A and still respect her but I feel I need to think of myself a little. I know it sounds selfish and yes, I feel horribly guilty, but I feel I need to do it. I know she said she "needs" me, but in all honesty, when I see her and hear her gushing about her pregnancy, I know she's doing just fine without me. I know she has the support she needs. So, please don't think poorly of me for "ditching a friend in her time of need".

As far as K and my sister, I absolutely cannot wait for their babies! They’ll be having their babies about the same time and I can’t wait! I admire them so much for the way they’ve handled things with me…always seeming to be much more concerned about me and my feelings than their own and I love them so much for it. The ladies truly love me so much and I know that. They’ve shown it in ways that they never have had to.

I hope one day if I’m ever faced in that situation that K and my sister were in, that I can handle it the way they did. To this day, I still feel so bad that I put them in that situation but I feel honored to have a friend and a sister who love me so very much. I’m so blessed.

I know they’ll be reading this and I just want to say I love you guys and thank you.

And I absolutely can't wait until I'm an aunt again!

Draven's first birthday

It's about time I put pictures up of Draven's first birthday. She turned 1 on 12/17/09. I'm over a month late. But at least I got them up before she turned 2. :) I admit, she has changed quite a bit since these pictures were taken.

Mark with Peyton and Draven:


Mark with Peyton and Draven and Draven is reaching out for a hug from me...isn't that so sweet?? :):


Draven with her bear. She loves bears!:


Draven and Peyton playing:


Draven and her grandpa. Draven is trying to blow into the noise maker and make noise after she saw me doing it. :):


Draven making kind of an ugly face....although she's still cute. :):


Peyton and Draven dancing:


Draven opening up the gift from us. I made her a blanket and then we gave her a teddy bear and a book:


Draven with her birthday cupcake:


Eating her cupcake:


Draven's birthday cake:


Peyton with her birthday hat on:


Mark, me, Draven and Peyton (our sweet little girls):

And yet another one bites the dust....

Do you remember the post Another one bites the dust? That was where I was so happy that another long-timer finally got her BFP.

And today, I woke up to the most exciting news in my e-mail telling me to check out a blog post.

I did and I had tears in my eyes and would've started screaming if for the fact that it was 5 in the morning and Mark was sleeping.

I read that Stacey is pregnant!!

For those who aren't aware of Stacey's story, this is very exciting news and yet a nervous time for Stacey and her husband, Chuck. They've had 6 losses and it had been 3 years since her last loss. I can't imagine going through that and I've gained so much respect for Stacey for going through so much.

You may remember that Stacey and I met when we were in Texas almost a year ago. The funny thing is, I was being very secretive about our location as my egg donor didn't want to be recognized (which to this day I think is soooo admirable and I think it's so wonderful of her...she truly wanted to do it because she wanted to). Anyway, I was still blogging about what I was doing and I gave out a little too much information because one day Stacey e-mailed me and said if I was in her neighborhood to e-mail her.

I felt like Where's Waldo and my secret place was found. I thought about getting one of those red and white striped shirts.

I e-mailed Stacey back and let her know she had found me and we made plans to meet at a coffee shop with her and Chuck. At the time, I hadn't been following Stacey too long so I really didn't know her that well.

But, I gotta tell you, that half hour we spent in the coffee shop was one of the best things I've done in my life. Maybe we would've formed a relationship like we have now if we hadn't met, but I really think because we met, we formed an amazing friendship. I love her so much and when I read her news on her blog, I was so excited!

Please head over to her blog and wish her congratulations! Please, please, please keep her in your prayers as I know this is an exciting time but also a nervous time as you can imagine.

Love you Stacey! Congratulations!!

Stacey and I in Texas

Can't wait!

I absolutely can't wait for Kami's girls to be born!! In some ways, I feel like a part of the family...which I guess I am. :) I feel like an auntie waiting for her nieces to be born. :) I am so much in love with those girls.

I also can't wait, as my friend put it, to "transfer my buns from the freezer into the oven". :) And it'll happen so soon! I am so much in love with our Three Musketeers. I never thought I could love someone so much.

I gotta tell you, time couldn't be going any slower right now. :)

What could be.....

I want to thank you guys sooooo much for all your support with the upcoming FET. It's amazing to me how encouraging you guys are. Thank you so much!!

I'm pretty sure I ovulated on the 14th. Yay! So, from my phone conference with the doctor, this could be my schedule:

Of course this is definitely not set in stone by any means, but it's fun to kind of play around and get ideas. :)

January 29: CD1
January 31: Start BCPs and stay on for 21 days
February 14: Start Lupron shots (on Valentine's Day...how cool is that??? :))
February 18: Blood work and ultrasound to check lining. Start Estrace
Continue Lupron and Estrace for 10 days until lining is 8-9 mm

Which means we would be doing the transfer at the end of February/beginning of March. Mark's birthday is March 2nd....wouldn't that be the coolest thing if the transfer was on Mark's birthday??? It gives me chills.

Okay, so being now that I've figured this all out, this will be the time that AF is way late and I'm weeks off. :) Even if I'm just a few days off, it's amazing to me that in about 6 weeks give or take, I will be PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise).

Finally! This dream has been 6-1/2 years in the making and it brings tears to my eyes that no matter what, I will be PREGNANT! Our baby/babies will be right here with me!

Amazing! God is so good! I'm so blessed!!

More Christmas pictures from New Year's Day

I know...way behind, but here are a few more pictures from our Christmas celebration from New Year's Day. Tyler and Peyton came over that night to open their presents. They were so sweet and patient to wait until Mark was out of the hospital so he could see them opening their gifts.

Here is Tyler's birthday present (his birthday is the day after Christmas). Have you seen that commerical with Pey.ton Man.ning where he gives the football as a gift and says "you'll never guess what it is...not in a million years!". Well, we got Tyler a football and had to wrap it like that just so I could be Pey.ton Man.ning and say that. :) I said that to Tyler and he said really quiet "Ah....a football??":


Here is Peyton opening her Christmas gift from us. She loves clothes and Dor.a the Expl.orer. Here she got Dor.a the Exp.lorer underwear and she was in seventh heaven!:


Here is Tyler opening his Christmas gift from us. He's really into the Titanic so we got him a Titanic coloring book and a few Titanic story books to read:


Here is my sister and brother-in-law opening up the gift for the baby. And you can see my brother-in-law took Tyler's football pretty quick :):


We got the baby 2 bibs, one that says "I love my big sister" and one that says "I love my big brother". Here is Peyton modeling the big sister one:


Here is Peyton modeling her hair bow she got:


My brother reading one of Peyton's new Dor.a the Exp.lorer books she got from us:


Here is my brother reading to Peyton and my dad reading one of Tyler's Titanic books to him. My dad was really interested in reading the book and at one time Tyler had to say "Papa, can I please have my book back?". It was pretty cute.:

My body's getting ready to...

ovulate!!

I know, TMI, and you're probably thinking "Is it really necessary to tell us?"

Well, see the reason why I'm so excited about ovulating is that after I ovulate, it's 2 weeks later that we start our FET cycle.

TWO WEEKS BABY!! TWO WEEKS!!

So, you can see where I might be a tad excited. :) And the last time I will want to see AF show for a looooooooooooong time.

And like Mark was saying "It'll be a long time before you'll embarrass me in the tampon aisle!"

We can only hope and pray honey. :) Yes, it is my pride and joy to embarrass Mark in the tampon aisle.

Right now, though, my main focus is Kami, Steve and the babies and making sure the babies are born healthy and happy. I pray every day the babies are born safe and they are okay. It's getting closer and closer for them and I can't wait for the babies to be born!!

Sharing

I admit sometimes when Mark and I go out to eat, we'll share. Most of the time, it's pop. We both like Diet Coke and we get free refills, so why not?

We like to save that way.

I know other couples do that, too, but I didn't realize how much some couples share everything when the other night at a restaurant, we overheard a couple say "We'll share a water please"

Okay, really? Share water?

IVF vent

Are you getting sick of those yet?

I admit, every time I hear negative talk about IVF, I feel very defensive and feel I have to voice my opinions, too. I mean, if others can voice their opinion, can't I?

I recently read on a blog about Jo Lo's comments about not "messing with IVF and playing God".

I know everyone is entitled to their own opinion but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't secretly pleased that she seemed to get bashed for what she had to say. I honestly find it hard to believe that at the age of 43, she was able to conceive fraternal twins naturally. Maybe she did, but I have a hard time believing she didn't use some type of fertility treatment like Clomid or something. However, I don't know that and I don't want to jump to conclusions.

What frustrates me the most is when these people say you're "playing God". I'd be willing to bet that people saying that have gone to a doctor, taken antibiotics, gone grocery shopping, etc. Isn't going to the doctor "playing God" then? Why not just let the illness take its course? Why take antibiotics? Won't God heal you? Why go shopping for food? God will provide....the food will just "come". Honestly, if you want to dissect IVF, dissect everything in life.

One of the best stories I've ever heard came from my pastor and I've thought about it so much during my infertility journey.

Here it is: There was a huge flood in a town. A man was sitting on the roof of his house praying to God to save him from the flood. Soon, a boat with rescuers came and tried to get the man to get into the boat. The man said "No thanks! God will save me". Not too long after that, a helicopter with rescuers came by and tried to get the man to come to the helicopter. The man said "No thanks! God will save me.". The man ended up drowning in the flood. When he saw God in heaven, he was angry at God and said "Why didn't you save me? I prayed that you would save me.". God said to him "I sent you a boat and a helicopter. What more do you want?"

I think about that all the time. God provides opportunities and it's up to us to take those opportunities or not. I don't want to say to God "I prayed so hard for a baby and you didn't provide" and then have Him answer "I gave you IUIs, Clomid, IVF, donor eggs and donor embryos. What more do you want?"

Everyone is entitled to their opinion for sure. I just think people should look at the WHOLE picture and their WHOLE life before casting judgment.

Pictures Part 2 (second post of day)

Okay, my computer is cooperating now so I can share the pictures of us with the boys.

My brother is a comedian...or so he thinks. When my mom was taking the picture of us, he thought it would be really funny to throw one of Eddie's toys in front of the camera. I don't think he thought it would show up, but would give it his best shot and the flying toy would at least surprise us.

I guess my brother was a good shot. Seriously, what are the chances that a flying toy would make the picture? And he did surprise us all.

Here is the picture with the flying dog toy. You can see it up by Peter's head:


Here is the picture we took after my brother got the look from both me and my mom and after the boys stopped laughing about the flying dog toy:

More pics from New Year's

Here is my brother, Aaron:


Me, Mark and my parents:


Mark and the boys:


Me and my parents


My parents


I have a couple pictures of Mark and I and the boys but my computer is being a pain and won't turn the pictures, so I'll post them later.

Here's a joke I have to share. I laughed so hard:

What did Delaware?
A brand New Jersey!

I love it. :)

New Year's Day/Our Christmas Day

For the last 3 years because Mark has been in the hospital, our Christmas celebration has landed on New Year's Day. Our family has always been so nice and so special to wait until New Year's to celebrate Christmas with us.

This year, I was still sick on New Year's Day. We had planned to have our Christmas celebration with the boys at our house and they kind of wanted to come to our house still. So, my mom, being the best mom she is, cooked the entire meal and brought it down to our house. I thought it would just be a few things, but she really cooked up a storm. I didn't have to worry about a thing which was so nice. Thank you Mom!

Here is us eating. The boys, my parents, my brother (Aaron) and Mark and I were there:


Then it was time to open up presents:


The boys started. Of course they got cars. There isn't a Christmas the boys don't get cars:


They got plenty of other stuff too. They sure get spoiled. :)

And they threw the gift wrap on Eddie:


Then my brother opened up his gifts from us:


And of course threw the gift wrap on Eddie:


Then my mom and dad opened up gifts from us. We had given them matching T-shirts of their store to wear at toy shows in the summer. Here they are holding up their matching shirts:


And of course more wrap on Eddie:


We had a good time. After the gift opening, we watched football and played a couple games. The boys spent a lot of time down in the car room. Very sociable, huh?

It was a good time and a good Christmas celebration. We took a few pictures in front of the tree which I will show in another post. Tyler and Peyton also came later that night and opened their gifts which is another post, too. :)

And I still have to show you pictures of Draven's birthday party a few weeks ago.

I have a ton of posts to do. :)

In the meantime, I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!!

Jewelry for Hope contest

Jen is hosting a giveaway contest over at Jewelry for Hope.

I purchased a necklace and earrings from her and they are absolutely BEAUTIFUL!! I was so impressed with the work she did. They are so professional. I'm going to post a picture of the necklace and earrings soon.

I'm definitely planning on buying more earrings when I get these dang starters out...only 2 weeks left!!!

Her earrings were the first earrings I bought...other than the starters....and I can't wait to wear them!

Please head over and check out the contest! You won't be sorry! :)

Toilet talk

Yeah, you read that right. That's what this post is about.

I had been debating about sharing....but then decided what the heck. Nobody would think any differently of me than they already do...that we're wierd and need therapy.

The other day I was at my sister's house when Peyton announced that she needed to go poop and she runs to the bathroom. We hear her yelling "Push it out! Push it out! Waaaay out!". My sister looks at me and tells me she says that every time she goes poop.

With a slight look to the ground and being slightly ashamed, I admit I was the one who taught her that. My sister said she thought so.

You see, at one point when she was younger and at our house, she was slightly constipated and asked me to help her poop. So I did what any normal aunt would do and tried to make it as comfortable and "fun" for her as possible as the poor thing was struggling and pushing so hard with her cute beet-red face. Well, it must have been fun because whenever she's at our house now and needs to poop, she asks for me to help her poop and we sing "Push it out! Push it out! Waaay out!".

Here I thought it was just at our house but I guess I was wrong....oops.

Then, we were shopping the other day and Mark went to pick up some Van.ish Dro.p Ins. He really likes having a clean toilet and having the blue water....or so he says. He did admit to me "It's so cool that when I pee into the blue water, the water turns GREEN!! It's so awesome!"

Cooking with Mark

Tonight Mark and I were cooking. He was making some scrambled eggs and I was slicing up some potatoes. I grabbed the potatoes and started laughing. Mark turned around to see what I was laughing at. I held up the potato.

Tammy: You know what this looks like, don't you?

Mark (shaking his head): I'm afraid so. And you're going to take a picture of it, aren't you?

Well, of course I did!

Christmas Eve 2009 and more on Mark

I know...It's January 3 and I'm posting about Christmas Eve. I think I have a pretty good excuse though.

First of all, here are pictures of our precious Draven who we got to baby-sit a couple days before Christmas. She ended up being sick when we watched her and she may have been the one to get us sick....we don't know as there are so many things going around. But, even if she was, it was worth every second.

Here she is with Uncle Mark. She is so happy even when she's sick:


Here she is with me after she vomited the Mississippi River. She just wanted to sleep and be held and I was more than happy to do that. :)


Here are a few pictures from Christmas Eve. My parents came over for supper. Usually my brother joins us but because of the Christmas storm we had, he wasn't able to make it up from Chicago so it was just us. My brother and SIL also weren't able to make it from Superior, so it was a quiet Christmas Eve.

Here are my parents and Mark getting ready to eat:


Here we are getting ready to play some cards. My dad is so excited about it:


My mom, dad and Mark playing cards:


It was right after this picture was taken that we were celebrating not being in the hospital this year for Christmas. We were so excited and thrilled. Mark said he wasn't going in this year and wasn't going in at all in 2010. He was so happy about it and so determined.

Little did we know that 6 hours later, Mark and I would both be throwing up in the bathroom and spending quality time together by the toilet.

BUT at least we got to spend Christmas Day together. Granted we were sick, but at least we were together and able to lay next to each other.

Mark is doing much, much better. The day after he was released, he did all the laundry, despite still not feeling the best. The next day, he was back to doing his exercising and wanted to get back to a "normal" routine. Seriously, this guy just totally amazes me sometimes.

The thing that is frustrating to me is that people don't realize just how sick Mark really is. I remember about 6 years ago when we first were TTC, we visited a doctor about it and he looked at Mark and said "It's just so nice to see you alive!". At first I was a little bit offended, thinking that was kind of a rude thing to say. But, it makes me realize now just how much Mark has been through.

And that was SIX years ago...before his 2 heart attacks, his broken hip and surgery and more than 15 hospitalizations later for his stomach issues.

When Mark gets sick, there is always a huge, huge risk. In fact, several risks:
--when his stomach acts up, he's unable to take his antirejection meds for his kidney. This is very serious. Even one missed dose can cause his kidney to reject. He's had his kidney for almost 8 years and we've been told with all his hospitalizations, it's a miracle he hasn't rejected his kidney. We praise God he hasn't.

--blood pressure and heart. When he's unable to take his meds, he can't take his bp meds. Every time Mark is in the hospital, his bp is sky-high. This last time, his bp got as high as 210/135. For those who don't know, this is very high and it's a huge strain on his heart. Put that together with the fact that his heart is very weak to begin with and only functions at one-third of a "normal" person, it is very scary and it's amazing that he hasn't had more heart trouble. They do try giving him his bp meds through the IV, but he doesn't respond to them very well.

Now some people would think if he rejects the kidney, he could just get another one...very true. However, because of Mark's weak heart, he is not a surgical candidate. Therefore, he wouldn't be able to have another transplant. He can live on dialysis, but that was so tough on Mark. He would get so fluid overloaded that we would be running to the ER at least once a week. It was absolutely horrible. He had to sleep in a chair most nights. And that was when his heart got so weak. We've been told most dialysis patients don't die from kidney failure, but heart failure because it's so hard on the heart.

So, this kidney is basically it. It's a tough reality, but if Mark loses his kidney, he won't have much time left. It pains me to type that, but it's true. So, you can see where it's so scary and we want to protect that kidney as much as possible.

So, when people say Mark will be fine. He's been through this before and came out fine. Yeah, but every time is different. We've been lucky so far but every time is very scary and very risky. Every time we worry and Mark knows the seriousness of it. I once asked him if he thinks about the kidney and worries about rejecting it when he's sick and he said "I think about it every second I'm in the hospital. It's never away from my mind."

I just wish I could take that worry away from him.

I have a question and would like honest opinions. I've been thinking about setting up a caring bridge site for Mark. I e-mail updates to everyone on my e-mail list but I don't get too many responses. Some people say they appreciate the e-mails and like to hear, but I know for some people, I'm sure it's annoying and it's probably considered "junk mail".

So, I thought I could set up a caring bridge site and if people wanted updates, they can subscribe to the journal. I think some people in my family would find it "annoying" to have to sign up for journal updates (you know, because it's such a huge step) but I hate "annoying" everyone on my e-mail list. Some are from high school and if I run into them and we're talking, they are surprised Mark has so many issues....obviously they aren't reading the e-mails.

So, I was wondering if I should just do a caring bridge site. But, would Mark "qualify"? I mean, is it just for those with "serious illnesses" like cancer or tumors or waiting for a transplant or something like that? My mom was thinking it was more for serious, acute illnesses, so I don't know if Mark would qualify.

What's your opinion?

If you've made it this far, you're amazing...thanks! :)

Still here....Happy New Year!!

Mark is doing wonderful! I'm so proud of him. It took a day to recover but he's been feeling so much better. He even stayed up all day yesterday and did the laundry. He's an amazing husband.

I, on the other hand, am still sick. :( I don't know why it stayed with me for so long. The people we got it from had a 24-hour bug. Of course we knew with Mark it would last longer. But with me, it's really lasted. I was throwing up again Wednesday night. Otherwise, I've just mostly been so exhausted and sleeping whenever I can. I felt I had no choice but to work (for reasons I won't get into here), but it was tough.

I'm starting to feel better now, though. We're having our "Christmas" with the boys and my parents today. We're having it here but my mom is doing all the cooking and she came over yesterday and cleaned so I wouldn't have to do anything. Isn't my mom the greatest??? Then tomorrow it's my Saturday to work and then it's the Wondra Christmas. I don't know how I'll be able to get through it. I'm hoping I continue to feel better and I don't overdo it. I'm planning on doing nothing Sunday and hopefully will be able to rest up.

So, I bet you can tell what we did last night on New Year's Eve. :) Yeah, we had a date with the bed at 8 last night. It was one of the best New Year's Eve dates I've had....don't tell Mark. :)

I know I'm waaaay behind on blogs and I feel bad. I think I'm like a week behind which is the longest I've been. Please know I'm not ignoring you by any means! I'm hoping to get caught up on Sunday.

Hope you all had a good New Year!! I hope 2010 brings everyone their dreams and so much happiness.