Thanksgiving 2010

This year for Thanksgiving, we went up to my mom and dad's. Unfortunately we had to leave shortly after eating as Mark was having severe nerve pain in his feet, but it was wonderful to see everyone and spend some time together. Everyone was able to be there except for Chad and Peter, so it was a great time!

Chad stopped by the house later that night so at least we got to see him but we missed the boys at my mom and dad's


Bemnet and Adelaide playing


Peyton having her own pity party because no one wanted to play with her.....according to her


My brother, Aaron, who lives in Chicago holding James


Me and Mark (I hate my smile :()


Bemnet, Adelaide and Peyton hiding from Tyler


Tyler getting set to go find them, although it looks like he's already trying


The kids at the kids table


My brother Aaron


Matt, Danielle and Jamie


My Jamie Bean's first Thanksgiving!!


The Chad Gustafson family


My mom and dad


The kids playing


My dad with Jamie Bean. I love this picture!

Some shocking news

Mark and I are still in shock about this. I was going to wait to share this but really, it's pretty amazing and is such a testament of God that I want to share to show how wonderful He is.

Last summer after our FET wasn't successful, our clinic told us about a waiting list for donor embryos at a nearby clinic where they store embryos. When I called about getting on the list, they said it was free to get on the list, but it was at least a 2-year wait, probably more.

It was discouraging but we thought nothing would hurt to at least get on the list, so we did.

We had kind of forgotten about it or it was way in the back of our minds because the wait was so long we figured.

Lo and behold, we recently learned that there will be embryos available for us in January.

Yes, that's right, January. January 2011.

WOW!

They will be sending us a letter with a list of 3 sets of embryos, characteristics, prices, etc. and we will choose our first, second and third choices. Two other couples will do the same and then the embryos will be distributed out based on that. They will be ready to use immediately.

Which means I could be doing an FET in the spring. We've set up a consult with our RE for December 23 for a FET in the spring.

I can't believe I'm actually saying those words. An FET in the spring.

And our friend and her husband would still like to donate embryos to us which is amazing and we're so excited and honored.

Just when doors seem to close, God opens another one or two and when we least expect it.

God is so good to us!

As far as the adoption, we still want to go down that road if it works out.

It's all in God's hands.

Pretty cool, huh? :)

In honor of Thanksgiving Day....

I want to say I am SOOOO thankful for each and every one of you. Each one of you deserves a post in itself. You're all so special to me.

I found this post recently and it's one of my favorites and I wanted to share in honor of Thanksgiving. I hope you have a great Thanksgiving! Love you all!

Here is the post:

I was thinking today about Mark and the things I'm thankful for about him.

1. Mark has insulin reactions...many times. A lot of times it's during the night and I'll wake up to him in a reaction. I get to wake up and spend more time with him and talk to him that I otherwise wouldn't get. I'm thankful.

2. Mark has trouble seeing because of his diabetic retinopathy. Many times when we go to the movies, I have to lead him into the theatre because he can't see. I get to hold my husband's hand a few moments more than other couples...as we all know as you get married, you no longer hold hands or make out while watching a movie. It's all about popcorn! So, I get to hold Mark's hand a little longer. I'm thankful.

3. Mark gets dizzy spells. Sometimes they are so bad to the point that I have to hold him up or else he will fall. I get an extra hug. I'm thankful.

4. Mark's disabled and can't work. He spends most of the day sleeping while I'm working in the next room. I get to spend time with my husband while I work. I'm thankful.

5. Depending on his days, Mark doesn't always have the strength to be able to wash his hair, cut his nails or other simple things we all take for granted and I have to help him. I get that extra bonding time and get to feel my husband's skin and hair that much more. I'm thankful.

6. Because Mark is so tired, we're often in bed by 8. We don't go to sleep right away but we'll watch TV and drift off....I know some of you thought different when I said "we don't go to sleep right away"...get your minds out of the gutter! :) I get to lay there with my husband and listen to him breathe while he rests. I'm thankful.

7. Mark doesn't have the strength to do a lot of the "man" things around the house. Usually I try to fix as much as I can or else find someone to help. I've learned more about doing the household fix-ups and I've become smarter about those types of things. I'm thankful.

8. Mark isn't able to give himself his insulin shots anymore because he can't see the lines on the syringes because of his eyes. So, 4-5 times a day I have to test his sugar and give him his shot. I get to spend more time with him and be able to touch his skin even more, knowing that I'm helping him stay alive. I'm thankful.

9. Mark's on a special diet that requires reading more labels and being careful about what he eats. I've learned to cook more and be more conscious about what we eat rather than eating junk food all the time. I'm thankful.

10. Mark doesn't have the strength to run after kids or play with them too much. Plus his hip bothers him when he runs. I know when Tyler and Peyton are here and they are begging Uncle Mark to chase him and he does, he's doing it because he loves them and not because he can. I get to see the love with every step in that chasing. I'm thankful.

Our poopy morning

Thank you all so much for your support regarding the homestudy and for all the ideas! I appreciate it! I heard from my social worker who said her director will be out this week but they will be talking next week. I'll be sure to keep you posted.

Thanks for all the support! It means a lot!

Now onto my post. As you can tell, this isn't a post for the ones with weak stomachs. You have been warned! This is a totally disgusting, want to puke, gross post and yet I want to share. Lucky you guys!

The other night we had Jamie overnight. We've been having issues with Doogie being very jealous when Jamie is around.

In the morning, I had taken Doogie out and he had pooped quite a bit. Probably more information than what you wanted but there is a point to me telling you that.

When we came in, Jamie had woken up and I was feeding him. Then, we were talking and playing and laughing and having a good time. After about an hour, Mark got up and that was when we had noticed that Doogie had pooped in the baby's room (the room Jamie sleeps in) and (this is really, really gross!!!) he had chewed up his poop into little tiny pieces and it was all over the floor.

And it smelled.

And it was d-i-s-g-u-s-t-i-n-g.

I cleaned it up but was gagging the whole time. I was so angry at him. There was no reason for him to do that other than jealousy. I mean, he had just been out and pooped and pooped a lot. So frustrating.

After I had cleaned that up, Mark announced that either Jamie needed a change or it was still Doogie's jealousy present. I smelled Jamie's butt....yes, I smelled it....and I knew right away it was Jamie.

So, we put Jamie down and realized it was a bad one, leaking through the onesie, up the back, the sticky, pasty kind.

And it smelled.

And it was d-i-s-g-u-s-t-i-n-g.

But, Jamie's giggles and smiles made it much easier for me.

Then I did the unthinkable. After I had changed his diaper, I was holding Jamie and trying to get his new onesie on when he slipped out of my hands and landing face first in the diaper.

Yes, in the sticky, pasty poop.

I am the worst aunt ever....ever.

Jamie was a doll and didn't cry or anything but I felt terrible.

And of course I still haven't lived it down and probably never will.

Homestudy update....

I was hoping to get more answers before updating but it could be awhile before we know what's going on.

For those who follow me on FB, you know things are not looking good. :(

And finally here's the story. Thanks for being patient with me and showing support even when you didn't have the details.

We met with our social worker last Saturday. Everything was going wonderful and she said she had no concerns....until the end when she mentioned that she was concerned because of Mark's life insurance policy.

Mark got a policy through his work before he was disabled and she doesn't think it's enough as she wants enough to cover our mortgage if something were to happen and Mark's policy we have is just a little short. I won't go into the numbers as really it's not necessary and I don't want the whole world knowing our financial situation. I'm not ashamed and if you really want to know the numbers, just e-mail me. :) I'll share it, just not with the world.

Anyway, as you can imagine, getting life insurance with Mark's health will not happen. We've tried before when Mark was really sick as he wanted me and the boys to be taken care of. So, we've tried but we've always been denied. We always knew God would take care of us if something were to happen and with how much support I have, I knew my family and friends would make sure I was okay and taken care of....if not, they do now. :)

Anyway, she said if we didn't get more, she couldn't approve us. She felt bad but she's just doing her job and I have no hard feelings about it. I know she's just thinking about the child and the best interest of the child. It's her job and I know she's doing a good job at it and that's what we want.

So, right now, things aren't looking too promising that we will pass. However, I've given her more information about what I would receive from SSI for child support should Mark pass away and we are always looking into other options.

As we've said many, many times, God will close doors, not us, and if this is another door closed, we know it's God closing the doors and we accept that.

Just wish He would close them and not slam them and not slam them after we've spent all our time, energy, emotions and money into it. :) We know there is a reason but sometimes it's hard to see that reason.

So, things are really up in the air. We'll see what happens. It's in God's hands and we know His plans are for the best. He is so good.

Thanks for your support and prayers. It means so much.

Triggers

As some may know, if our FET would have stuck in April, my due date would have been January 1, 2011. I knew the holidays would be tough this year and I know that as we get closer to Thanksgiving and Christmas, it'll get worse before it gets better.

But really, I'm doing better right now than I thought I would be. Maybe it's the hope and encouragement that I will have my baby and that doors are opening. Maybe if the doors were closing, I wouldn't be doing well.

I have found that there have been "triggers". Sometimes they come out of the blue and hit me so hard and completely unexpected and it surprises me.

For example, the other day I saw a picture of a newborn baby and I started crying. Normally I can see pictures no problem. But for some reason, seeing a picture of a newborn baby that day hit me and I missed my babies.

Then I saw a very pregnant lady.....very pregnant. I thought of my precious babies and thought that could've been me. I could have been that pregnant.

And when we were at the North Shore, I had my camera around my neck and put on my jacket. I felt "pregnant" then and it looked like I had a little bump and I thought about my babies.

I think the hardest trigger so far was just a couple nights ago. I saw a commerical for Ka.y's Jewelrey where a mom who has just had her baby is sitting by the X-mas tree at 2:30 in the morning and her husband comes out. They are talking about this being the first X-mas as a family and they give each other a kiss as their newborn is sleeping. I sat there and just cried and cried. That could've been us. This could've been our first Christmas together as a family.

And sometimes it hits me so hard and my heart breaks.

I know these triggers will come and go. I know some days, I'll be okay and I will realize just how blessed I am and how lucky I am and the hope will be so strong.

And I know there will be days that it will be so hard just to get out of bed because I miss my babies.

Most of all, I know I will always have the support of family and friends who will understand and will just be there when these "triggers" happen and will know that if I'm crying or a little emotional, just the support, a few encouraging words and maybe just a simple hug will be all I need.

So thank you for being there, understanding and your patience with me as the holidays come and my due date gets closer. I'll need you more and more and I know you're there as I will be there for you.

Love to you all!

Wordless Wednesday

A little family getaway

My mom and dad celebrated their 35th wedding anniversary in September!! To celebrate, my sister and I treated them to a weekend getaway up to the North Shore in northern Minnesota. My brother and his family also live up there so they joined us.

And of course I have pictures. :)

Just as a little background, even though I was born and raised in Wisconsin and all of my family are Packers fans, I'm a Vikings fan and quite often, it does create a little playful rift in the family.

Being Mark and I were watching Jamie and Jamie was riding with us up to the North Shore, I decided to dress him the way I wanted to:

Here he is sporting his new favorite shirt and I'm wearing my Vikings sweatshirt. Can you see how much he absolutely LOVES his new shirt? :)


My mom with Jamie


Mark, Peyton and Doogie playing on the bed. Yeah, even Doogie got to come with


My mom reading a book to Tyler. He was so into it that he was watching TV


Duh Mark


Jamie


Mark and Doogie


My mom and dad with their grandchildren


The whole family at Gooseberry Falls


Jamie


Doogie and I

As you all know, it's next to impossible to get a picture with all the kids looking at the camera. In fact the above picture with my mom and dad, we thought we were soooooo lucky that it only took 3 takes to get a good picture!

So when the kids climbed up on the rock to get a picture (minus Sam), we knew it might be awhile before we got a good picture.

The first take Peyton decided she had to show the camera her Barbie rather than her face:


Then Adelaide decided she needed to smile at Peyton rather than me:


But surpringly, this one also only took 3 takes as the third was really good:



Mark and I with Bemnet. This was our first time meeting her and we were so proud!


Jamie and I


Peyton and Bemnet


Adelaide


Mark and Jamie

Here is Sam sporting his beautiful pink headband. He was so proud of it:


And of course we had to get the side shot:


We had a wonderful time with the family and it was so good to get away.

Happy anniversary Mom and Dad! Thanks for setting the great example for all of us of what great love is like. Love you!

Halloween 2010

I know....Halloween was over a week away, but I've been so busy lately. Between work and overtime, coaching gymnastics, doing craft shows, watching kids and doing adoption stuff, I find my blogging has really taken a back seat and that makes me sad. :(

In fact, I'm actually typing this post on Sunday and scheduling it to post on Monday because Sunday is my only time to actually sit down and blog.

How. sad. is. that?

But I love my life and the opportunities and wouldn't give them up for the world. The only thing I would change is having more time with Mark. Sometimes I feel like I'm always leaving him and I never get time with him anymore. Otherwise, my life couldn't be better right now and I'm so happy.

Enough of my babbling. :)

Here are some pictures of Tyler, Peyton and Jamie on Halloween:


Here is Jamie as the cutest giraffe EVER! :) And you get a bonus shot of Doogie's bent up ear by Jamie's foot, too.


Me and Jamie (could the house be any messier??? How embarrassing!!)


Tyler showing off his Toy Sto.ry 3 toy we gave him. We give the kids candy but we always give Tyler, Peyton and now Jamie an extra little thing and they always love that. :)


Me with the 3 kids. I was bummed I never got a better picture of Peyton. You can't see her wings too well in this picture and but she was a butterfly and a really cute one at that.


I coach the 2 older kids in this picture and they come to our house before gymnastics every Monday to kill some time....otherwise they wouldn't be able to go and they love the sport so much that I definitely wanted to make sure they were able to come! I LOVE the banana in the middle so I had to share! And I love showing off my fabulous gymnasts, too. :)

Some good news!!

DOOGIE BROKE THE SQUEAKER IN HIS SQUEAKY TOY!!

That wasn't a very nice tease, I know, but I promise there is more good news after I talk about Doogie!

Last weekend, Doogie got a dog toy from Bemnet, Adelaide and Sam. And he l-o-v-e-s it. And Mark and I have come to the conclusion that Chad and Ajay (Bemnet, Adelaide and Sam's parents) actually in fact do not love us.

That toy that he loves has a very loud, annoying squeaker in it. And just to give you some idea, this is what Doogie likes to do in the morning when he wakes up:


And this is what he likes to do at around lunchtime:


Around supper time:


And before hitting the sack for the night, this is what he loves to do:


Did I mention he loves his squeaker toy?

But, the good news is that he FINALLY broke the squeaker in it!! Yay!! It is no longer a squeaker toy, but just a plain, old toy!! WOOHOO!!!

And he still loves it and now we love it even more. :) :)

And onto adoption news:

After this afternoon, we are FINALLY done with our education!! And our social worker will be meeting with us this next weekend for our next appointment. We're going to do a toy show in the middle of Wisconsin and she was available to meet up with us so we won't have to drive down to where she is in the lower part of Wisconsin! That's big for us! The last time she drove up to our house, it was over $600 just in travel and mileage...ouch! So, we will be meeting halfway this time and at somewhere we were going to anyway. :) Works out good!!

So, as of right now we are done with paperwork and we'll see what is the next step. :) It's a good feeling!

I will for sure keep you guys posted! :)

The power of duct tape...

Last night on the way home from gymnastics we hit a deer...

with the new car we got last year

:(

The good news is no one was hurt and the damage was minimal.

But it was still frustrating and I was pretty disgusted.

Peyton did her best to make me feel better.

"Don't worry Tammy. It'll be okay. We'll just get some duct tape and put over the scratches and it will be good as new."

That girl always puts a smile on my face :)