Introducing.....

Our daughter, Hannah Dawn

Letter to Hannah

Our dearest Hannah Banana,

I can’t believe in a few short weeks you’ll be here. We’ve waited 8 long years for you to come. You have at least 10 brothers and sisters in heaven. We’ve been through such a roller coaster of emotions and so much sadness in the last 8 years.

But you know what? I know the minute I see your face, I’ll know it was all worth it. Like someone said, those 8 years will seem like 8 seconds. I can’t wait to look into your eyes, hear your first cry, hold you so close and whisper to you that I’m your mommy. I can’t wait to see your first smile, even if it is just gas. I can’t wait to tell you how much you’re loved.

Do you know how much people have done for you? So many people love you already. You’re the luckiest little girl in the whole world. Everyone has supported us so much to help bring you home. So many people have given to us and it is overwhelming. God has blessed us tremendously. You have shown so many the power of God and the power of miracles. You are the most faithful angel and I’m so proud to be your mommy. My heart is glowing with pride.

I can’t wait to share with you how special your birthmother is. We’ve talked to her and we are so grateful to her and we know she loves you so much. I know this is a hard time for her and she is very special to do such a wonderful thing for both you and us. She will always have a special place in our hearts and I know she will have a special place in your heart too.

I know I won’t be the perfect mother. I know I’ll make a ton of mistakes. I know there will be days that I’ll be exhausted. But I also know you won’t have a mommy who loves you more than I do. I know I would give up my life for you and will always be there for you. I think of you every moment of every day. I’m constantly praying for you and your birthmother.

I can’t wait to share with you our journey to bring you home. All the letters I wrote to you and your siblings, the wonderful words people have said, the miracles that God has shown and all about your siblings. Did you know that if your siblings didn’t die in my tummy this year, they would be coming about the same time you’re coming? You have siblings the exact same age in heaven! I can’t wait until we’re all a family together some day.

I love you sweetie. I love you so much more than I ever thought I could. You’ve already brought me so much joy and happiness. You’ve shown me how much people love me and how blessed I am to have the friends and family I do. What a tremendous gift you’ve already given to both your daddy and me.

I can’t wait to meet you and see your perfect self. Until then, I’m only a prayer and thought away.

Love,
Mommy

I'm still here!!

I have been so busy.

Just when I think I'm just about caught up, I get a call or an email with more paperwork. It seems the paperwork never ends.

But it's a good thing. :)

I just feel bad because I'm too busy to check blogs or blog or anything on here. But I haven't forgotten about you guys. :)

I had Monday and Tuesday off work so we were busy with paperwork and then getting the nursery ready. We picked out curtains so my mom will be making those. :) That was fun.

We've got the baby's suitcase packed, at least I think we do. I'm hoping I'm not forgetting anything.

We have a packing list for the 2 of us so we're ready to go if needed.

Our church is also having a fundraiser so we've been very busy with that. I've printed out some blog posts that my cousin requested and added some pages to our "Our Peanut Travels" book and I'm also working on a video to show at the benefit so I've been busy with that. That's been emotional, I have to admit. It's tough to relive and yet it's a good ending and such a testimony to God that I'm grateful to be a part of that.

And I did find out that our local paper will be running a story on us! Woohoo! I'm excited for that.

So, lots of things happening and lots going on. I wish I could be around more and I'm trying! I'm hoping to get caught up on blogs soon.

Love ya all! Thank you so much for the love and support.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving everyone!!!

Fundraisers

Here are links to fundraisers, all in one place. :)

Thank you all so much for all your support!!!

Coffee ($5 from every bag sold is donated to our adoption fund)

Beef jerky (50% of retail sales for the next week are donated to our adoption fund)

Scrapbooking and stamping supplies (50% of sales for the next week are donated to our adoption fund)

Photography (50% of sales for the next week are donated to our adoption fund)

Our church is also holding a fundraiser for us on December 17. If any of you have ideas or are in the area and would love to help, please let me know!

I'm in awe at how much support we have and how generous people have been. We are so blessed and God has really been there for us. It's so amazing.

Help out 2 people, part 2!!

Please see the post I posted earlier today!

I have another friend, Kate, who has a website of scrapbooking and stamping supplies who will donate 50% of the sales towards our adoption.

Please check this out too!!

Here is the website: MyCTMH

Thank you soooo much!!!!

Help out 2 people at the same time!

I have a friend, Amy, who I have known for years. I originally met her in the NW board years ago.

She has recently started a photography business and an Etsy shop. And through November 24, she is offering to donate 50% of her sales to our adoption.

Holy cow you guys! This is sooooo cool! This could be huge for both of us!! You can help out 2 people at the same time. :)

Here is her Etsy shop: Etsy

Here is her website: Website

Here is her Facebook page: Facebook

Here is some more information about her business:

1. Just about any print that is listed in her shop can be made into various sizes, so if someone wants one but wants a different size than is listed, we can do that. You just need to contact Amy through Etsy and she will create a listing for them.

2. The prints can also be printed on canvas of various sizes. You don't have to just purchase a "print". If you wants the print put on a canvas, we can make that happen as well. You just need to contact Amy through Etsy and she will create a listing for them.

Remember that Christmas is coming. :) Lots of people love pictures and love to decorate with them so this would be perfect!

If you mention this on your blog, let me know! I will send you our first picture together as a family of 3! Of course you won't get it until the baby comes but you will be on our list for sure.

Thank you again all for your support!! It means so much!!

Our conference call

I'm sitting here in awe at the wonder of my family and friends. Seriously. Just when I think people couldn't be more generous and loving, you guys are there for us even more. I wish I could thank you all and give you all the biggest hugs. We are so blessed.

For those who follow me on FB, you know the conference call went very well. :) I wanted to document it here.

First, I have to say, I was so nervous. I had a hard time eating, talking, etc. I was so ready to upchuck.

But, when they called, the social worker talked to us first and told us this wasn't a call to see if we were the family, we were definitely the family. The birthmom (we'll call her "L") didn't want anyone else.

Then she put L on. I asked her how she was doing and she kind of laughed and said she was definitely pregnant. We had been told by the social worker already that she was "huge" and ready to be done. :)

Then she asked if we had any questions for her. I told her I didn't but I had something I wanted to say to her. I don't know exactly what I said but I told her that I was so sorry she was going through this. We knew what an enormous sacrifice she was making and that we couldn't imagine how difficult this was for her. I told her I knew she had been throught a lot and I was sorry about everything she had been through. I told her I couldn't tell her enough how thankful I was and how much we appreciated her picking us. I told her she wasn't alone and that we were there for her.

We were both in tears. I remember whispering "thank you" a few times and she whispered back "you're welcome".

We all talked a little more. She was worried about going into labor early and was worried we'd miss it. We told her nothing would keep us away and we would definitely be there and they were going to keep us in the loop for sure.

She wants us in the delivery room for sure which we are really looking forward to. She's so scared of being there alone and I ensured her I would be right there holding her hand....as long as she doesn't break it when she's in labor. :)

She only wants pictures every other year and she also has a letter she wants us to give to the baby when she's old enough to understand. I don't know what's in the letter, but she said it was a letter she wants her to have and it explains why she did what she did. Honestly, that just warms my heart so much. I absolutely cannot wait to tell our daughter how much she's loved and that her birthmom loved her that much.

L sees the doctor on the 29th and so we'll be doing another conference call then. If something happens before then, they'll be calling us right away obviously.

We did talk to the social worker after and she said it went extremely well. She said she was fighting back tears. She said I was so sweet. I was only speaking from my heart. :)

She also said if she were to adopt from anyone, it would definitely be from L. She said we're a great match. :)

Things are falling into place so much. I just can't believe it! We found a place to stay in UT only 20 min away from the hospital. She's someone we met on the NW boards years ago and she offered her place! How amazing is that? :) That will save us money and that is soooo helpful.

We are so blessed.

By the way, did you see I changed the picture on top? :) Michelle Alessi did that for us....I LOVE it! And the verse is words from Hannah from the Bible who we are naming our daughter after as she struggled with infertility. That makes it that much more special. Thank you Michelle!

The story

This day has been such a huge whirlwind as you can imagine! So many phone calls, emails, etc. I apologize for not coming back here before now, but it's been crazy!

I want to thank you all for your wonderful comments and support and love. It truly means so much to us! There have been so many and I hope to respond soon!

Here's the story:

About a month ago we had inquired about 2 situations that were on the agency’s website: Situation B and L. Unfortunately, situation L was about $10,000 over budget so we requested not to have our profile submitted but we said we wanted to have our profile submitted to situation B.

Fast forward to yesterday and we get an email from our agency saying there is a situation where the birthmom is due 11/11/11 (yes, today!). We asked to have our profile submitted.

When I got back from gymnastics, I had an email saying that “L likes us” and gave us contact info. I was confused. I knew a month ago we had asked about an “L situation” but knew it was over budget and we declined it. I thought maybe perhaps this birthmom we had just submitted to had the same name.

When I called the agency, she told us she had good news and that L loved us and really wanted us. I asked if this was the one due 11/11/11 to which I was told no and that L was due the end of December.

I was literally dumbfounded. I didn’t know what to say. Shocked is an understatement. My first thought was how in the world could this happen? We didn’t even submit. Then I started worrying about the money as I knew this was $10,000 over budget.

Then I was completely and totally amazed at the sincere power of God.

Only God could let this happen and only God knew this would.

We were told this “never happens” and it was a surprise. We’re still trying to figure out what happened and of course worried about where this $10,000 will come from but we also know this is our daughter. God has meant for this to be our daughter.

What are the chances?

WE GOT THE CALL!!!

Yes, THE CALL!

Last night we got a call saying we were matched for a little girl due 12/30/11.

I'll give more details very soon! I want to type it all out but couldn't wait another minute without updating! But, it's a FABULOUS story and I can't wait to spell it all out.

If you know me on FB, please don't say anything yet! We need to tell certain people before. :)

Holy cowzers!

Doubting myself

Thank you all for your comments, emails, texts, etc. lately. You don't know how much I've needed to hear them.

Last Tuesday night, we got a call from one of our agencies. We wanted to submit our profile to a situation through one of their partner agencies. However, their partner agency was "concerned with our ability to parent" because of Mark's health issues and the fact that I was in therapy. They also were very concerned as to how we were going to afford an adoption being our income was low.

Now I know they are just doing their job but I was so discouraged. Mostly because this had all been covered in our home study. It was all written in there and covered so I was a little upset that we had to cover this a-g-a-i-n.

And I'm in therapy because of infertility. Heaven forbid someone struggling to have a baby want to have support. And again, this was in our home study. Yet, they still wanted letters from Mark's doctor and my therapist.

But I think what really got me the most was the whole income thing. We are both working so hard to earn and raise money. You all know how much I've been working and coaching and Mark's been doing all the laundry, cleaning, cooking, etc. We don't get much alone time but we realize this is a sacrifice we need to make at this point for our family. Yeah, I work from home, but I work. I see Mark at breakfast and lunch and that's about it except for a few passings once in awhile. I am grateful I work from home so we at least have that much.

We know we don't make much but we also know we're very smart about our finances and careful about saving money where we can. I won't go into it all here, just trust me. :) I've always been that way where I manage my money pretty well. In fact, I was able to buy a house my senior year in college with no student or car loans, just the mortgage loan, and that's something I'm very proud of.

And deep down I know if it's meant to be, it'll happen and the finances will be covered.

It's just hard when someone doubts you and you feel like all your hard work is for nothing. You start doubting if this is something you really can do and on top of that, doubting yourselves as parents.

It takes a big hit to your self-esteem.

So for those who took the time to comment or email a word of encouragement or to tell me we were doing a good job, working hard, etc., it meant more to me than you could imagine. It's what I needed and still need to hear. Although I'm better, I still find myself a little down and doubting myself but thanks to the support I get it does make me feel better, so thank you. :)

Update

I have so many blog posts swimming in my head and so many pictures I want to share. They’ll be coming. I just don’t seem to have any time right now.

I wanted to give you all a little update on our adoption journey.

We’ve been officially “waiting” for 3 months now. That doesn’t even seem possible. We’ve submitted to a total of 7 situations so far. We’re still waiting to hear from 2 situations. I gotta tell ya though, I’m really getting used to the “I’m sorry” calls. I honestly don’t expect anything else. We check out situations every day on our agencies’ websites and we know every day brings new possibilities and new hope.

We are now up to about $8500 in our peanut fund which is very exciting for us! We couldn’t have done it without the help and support of all our family and friends, so thank you!! Our goal is $40,000 which is the cost of the adoption. We still haven’t been approved for any grants but we’re still hopeful and praying we’ll get one at least. It would help so much.

We’re raising lots of money ourselves and working extra hard. We’ve been doing toy/craft shows almost every weekend to earn more money for our peanut fund.

I’ve also been working about 15 hours of overtime a week and I’m coaching gymnastics 6 days (yes, 6) a week. I have to admit, I’m exhausted. And yes, I know, I’m getting prepared for motherhood. :) Right now, Mark and I would do anything for our peanut and we realize that this is what we have to do to bring our peanut home so we’re willing to do it. I’m basically working from 5 in the morning until 8 at night every day and 5 until 12 on Saturdays with shows on Sundays. I am glad I work from home and I’m home during the day or I’d really feel bad about not being around Mark.

But once that peanut comes home, I won’t be working any overtime and will be cutting down a lot on the gymnastics. The peanut time is the most important time and our #1 priority. That’s what keeps me going and gives me strength.

Thanks again for your support and love and hanging in there with us! We couldn’t be here without you guys!!