Hannah's different upbringing

When we were going through the home study in preparation to adopt, I remember our social worker bringing quite a few times how hard it was going to be with raising a baby and Mark's health issues. She talked to me privately about it, too. I ensured her I truly understood and although I knew it would be tough, I had a lot of support and I felt I would be okay.

Looking back, I feel guilty as a mom that I didn't realize how hard it was going to be on Hannah.

It wasn't for the first year. I don't think she understood. But it really hit me shortly after her first birthday when I had to take her dad into the ER for chest pain. I watched her struggling so hard to get to her daddy when he was in the bed. I watched her try so hard to give him Goldfish crackers when they were trying to poke him and get blood. She didn't want me. She only wanted her daddy.

He was only in the hospital overnight so they could rule out a heart attack. For the next couple days when he was home she only wanted Daddy and she snuggled with him.

It really hit me then that she would have a different upbringing.

She's watched her dad in many situations including low sugar reactions, falling, screaming in pain, etc.

She's also helped Mommy feed Daddy sherbet to get his sugar back up, screamed in horror when her daddy falls, and rubbed his shoulder and gave him kisses while he's screaming in pain.

I've had many conversations with her pediatrician, a child therapist and also a sleep specialist on the best way to handle it. I admit, I wasn't prepared. The whole time I was thinking about how hard it would be on me. I never realized it would be so hard on Hannah so early. Sure, I knew as time went on it would be hard but never realized how much she would catch on at such an early age.

They've all told me I'm doing the right thing and raising her right. I don't hide anything from her. As far as I know, she knows her daddy is sick. She knows he has good days and bad days. What breaks my heart is how much it has affected her. When Mark isn't doing well or having a few bad days, often she'll have nightmares and is up every couple hours. She is more snuggly and wants to be held more. She seems more afraid.

All this is completely normal for her with everything she's going through according to what I've been told. I reassure her everything is okay, we love her very much and we're always there for her.

It doesn't make me feel much better though. As a mom, you never want to see your children hurting.

What breaks my heart the most is that she doesn't have a "normal" upbringing. She doesn't have a healthy mom and dad. She's witnessed more in her little life than a lot of even our families. Oh, how I wish she didn't have to be so "different".

But one thing she will always know is how much her daddy does for her. He may not be able to do everything a "normal" dad can, but he gives 100%. He's always there for her no matter what. She may have a different upbringing but she is loved more than she could ever imagine. We give our heart and soul and do whatever we can to make her life as happy and stress-free as possible.

No matter what I think I'll always feel guilty and sorry for her, wishing things were different.

But when I see that smile and hugs and kisses she gives me and her dad, I know she's not only going to be okay, she'll grow up a loving, happy, compassionate girl and I couldn't be more proud.

Pictures with last post

For some reason blogger isn't letting me post pics with the post. :( Here are the pics that were supposed to go with the last post.

Here is Hannah helping me clean up her pee-pee. :)

Here is Hannah at one of my mom and dad's toy shows in their trailer pointing out all the tractors.

20 months

20 months

Hi everyone!!

Once again, Mommy has been super busy so she has asked me to update her blog with what I've been dong the last couple months.

I have to say I am a busy girl. It's really hard for Mommy and Daddy to keep up with me.

I love running. We have a big backyard and Mommy and I will sometimes just run out there in circles. I love it so much and I think Mommy can tell that by the huge smile on my face. What's really fun is when she brings our puppy with us out here. It's so much fun to chase the puppy.

I also love bunnies. My cousin has a few bunnies at my Grandma and Papa's farm. I always have to go out and see them when I go to their farm.

Speaking of Papa, he's my buddy. I really look up to him and love spending time with him. I know he works in fields and drives tractors so whenever I see a tractor or field I immediately think we're going to see Papa and I start saying "Papa!".

I can say tractor now and I point and get excited when I see one. It might get a bit annoying when I'm at one of my Grandma and Papa's toy shows with their trailer where there are a lot of tractors. All I do is point and say "Tractor!" to everyone. I'm trying to increase their sales by pointing them out to customers so they can buy them.

What's kinda funny is I call everyone Mommy, even my daddy. I know my daddy is daddy but to me, Mommy is a safe person I feel safe with and I can go to so everyone I love is "Mommy". Maybe when I go to college I'll stop calling my daddy Mommy but we'll see.

I still love watching Spongebob. It's what I watch with Mommy before falling asleep at night. Give me my sippy, blankie, Spongebob and Mommy and I'm ready for night-night.

Another new thing I'm doing is starting to recognize when I go pee-pee. I'll sometimes sit on my potty when Mommy sits on her big potty. I've never gone pee-pee on it but I sit on it. Sometimes when I go pee-pee, I pull on my diaper to try to get it off. I love naked time after my bath but sometimes I'm naked too long and go pee-pee. I know it's an uh-oh. I'm a good girl though and I go up to Mommy and say "Uh-oh!" and run to where the cleaning supplies are. Mommy has it locked so I can't get in there but when she gets it out, she lets me help her wipe up my pee-pee.

I've learned to say "Thank you!" on my own. I can tell it really makes my mommy and daddy so proud. When people give me things I usually always say thank you. I've also learn to blow kisses and pray. I'm still learning to keep my eyes shut while I pray but I know I'll get there.

As far as sleeping, I don't really like to talk about it to be honest. I'm not too bad though. I'm usually only up 2-3 times in a night and it's usually because I just miss Mommy.

That's pretty much my last 2 months in a nutshell. I'm learning more and more and talking more. Life is going by pretty fast for us.

Until we talk again, I hope you all have fun and enjoy the sunshine and all your toys. Toys sure are fun.

Love,

Hannah

P.S. I'm having trouble uploading the pictures I wanted to with this post. I'm so sorry! I'll have Mommy work on that for another post.

Me & my girl

More random cuteness

I was cleaning out our cooler and had turned to the sink to wash the cover. When I turned back around I saw this. :)

I think I take too many pictures of Hannah with my phone. I caught her taking her phone, putting it to her face and saying "Cheese!"

One of my favorite pictures of Mark and Hannah ever. This is Hannah and Daddy praying before "dinner"

She just loves her puppy :)

Hannah will be doing a guest post in the next couple days. :)

Random cuteness

Hannah's pouty face

After her bath

Getting her teeth brushed. She hates it so bad. Somehow she thinks closing her eyes & putting her hands on her face makes it so Mommy won't brush her teeth. 

Not one of her happier moments. 

Hannah's first pigtails. They lasted about 30 seconds before she ripped then out. 

Sitting on her new potty--chilling & talking on the phone 

Hannah with her cousin, Peyton

Giving Daddy a kiss

Our County fair

This was Hannah's second year at our County fair although last year she was only 7 months old and obviously wasn't able to enjoy it. Plus I had thrown my back out so I wasn't there much at all either.

But this year she had so much fun. :)

My nephew brought a bunny to show at the fair for the first time. Hannah loved the bunny. Her new love is bunnies. It is so cute. She would wake up every morning of the fair wanting to go see the bunnies. Even now she occasionally will wake up wanting to go see the bunnies.

No, we have no plans of getting any bunnies in the near future. :)

Here are some pictures of her at the fair:



On the merry-go-round


Seeing the bunnies. Here she is saying "Bunny!"


Petting a bunny


The cutest bunny at the fair

Why I have a garage sale

We have a garage sale every year the end of July. We live near our County fair so we have one that weekend. We’ve done it for about 10 years now.


I get questioned why we have one. It’s so much work for the little money you make. It can’t be worth it.

It is a lot of work for the money we make. But, the worth? Well, the sales have brought me my daughter so to me it’s worth everything.

When we first started doing the sales, we were raising money for infertility treatments. That lasted for years until we started raising money for adoption. Now we still owe about $30,000 in Hannah’s adoption loan so the money we raise from the sales goes towards that.

Had we not done the sales every year we wouldn’t have had the funds to do the infertility treatments and certainly not the adoption. In a sense the sales brought our daughter home.

So, yes, it is definitely worth it.

Not only that, we get people who come every year. Some of whom know what we have done the sales for and know our story. Two years ago in 2011 we did a huge sale. We called it the Wondra Adoption Event where we had a ton of stuff including a bake sale and lots of people donated items to sell at the sale and also extra funds for our adoption. That December our Hannah was born. The next year in 2012 when I advertised the sale, I included in the ad “Come meet our daughter you helped bring home last year”. I can’t tell you how many people came just to meet Hannah. I got so many hugs from people I didn’t even know that year and so many people were so happy for us. People told us they were wondering how it was going and were praying for us. People we had never even met but just happened to start coming to a garage sale.

Yep, definitely worth it.

I’ve once been criticized that family time is more important than “nickels and dimes”. Well, like I said those “nickels and dimes” brought us our daughter. We’ve spent over $115,000 between infertility treatments and adoption to bring Hannah home. There are a lot of people who don’t have to spend a dime to conceive a child but we certainly weren’t one of them. Had we not struggled with infertility, our house would be paid off, our car would be paid off and Hannah would have a nice college fund all set up. We’d be set.

As it turns out, that’s not the way God planned it. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t bother me at all…it does. But, when I look at the big picture, I wouldn’t trade the friends and support we’ve had through the years for anything in the world. If this is the struggle God chose us to have, we’re pretty fortunate.

And I have to mention that setting up for the garage sale, Hannah has been with me every time she was home. Granted she wasn’t much help and most of the time I spent cleaning up the pile of clothes she decided looked better on the floor than the table. But she was right by my side. I just took advantage of the days she was with my mom to really do the hard, fast work to get ready. I didn’t burn the midnight oil and work on it when Hannah was asleep. Our routine is that at night I lie down and snuggle with her when she goes to sleep and she never goes to sleep without me. No matter how much work I had to do and how stressed I was, I never gave up that time and never left her even when she was asleep.

Hannah ALWAYS comes first. My family time ALWAYS comes first.

And during the garage sale, Hannah was right there by my side. She was our little greeter and loved being outside playing with us. With the exception of naptime when she snuggled with her daddy, she was by me the whole time.

Every time I put a sticker on something or priced something, I thought of our journey. I thought of Hannah. I thought of all the people who have supported us. All the people who have donated stuff for the sale to help with our adoption costs. Every article of clothing I put out, I thought of Hannah. I want us to get caught up with our loan so I can start saving up more for her college and these garage sales help with that.

I do it for her. Everything is for her.

Hannah is the reason I do the sales every year and it’s worth every, single second.