Adoption scams

The other day I saw a special on Dateline about adoption scams and how potential adoptive parents can easily become the victims of scams both with a birthmother and an agency.

I was so happy to see they did a special on this.

So much focus is on the birthmother and the sacrifices they make during an adoption. I promise I'm not minimizing that by any means as I know they deserve the support, love and prayers.

But too often it's forgotten or never talked about how much an adoptive family risks and how much they can get hurt and it's out of their control, totally and completely.

A lot of people don't know that a birthmother has the right to change her mind at any time--any time. All expenses paid up to that point by the adoptive parents for the birthmother's living expenses, doctor's bills, etc. is lost. Some may be able to get back through another match through the agency but not all. It's a risk we all have to take. Luckily, in the state we were in, the birthmother had to sign over her rights 24 hours after the baby was born. Up until that point, she could change her mind but once the papers are signed, there is no turning back. 24 hours is the shortest time while some states have a time frame of up to 3 months.

I've heard of some adoptive parents having to give the baby back to the birthmother after the baby is 2 months old. I can't even imagine.

What breaks my heart is the fact that there is a big risk and there are people who prey off that. There are birthmothers who actually making a living off of scamming adoptive parents. To me that is so sad.

The Dateline special also talked about an adoption agency that scammed adoptive parents by matching 2 different families with a birthmother, taking money for the expenses and then claiming the birthmother changed her mind when the baby actually went to another family.

It makes me so sad. Adoption in itself is such an emotional roller coaster and then to have your heart broken like that is just unbelievable to me.

We were very lucky. So very lucky. We matched with an amazing birthmother and obviously she didn't change her mind. She's very special to us.

However, I have to admit the agency is a big red flag to me. I'm just so relieved our adoption went through without any problems. Others weren't so lucky and the agency we used is now out of business.

I won't name the agency. It's been in national news for an adoption case that went bad. Then about a year ago, it lost its license. I'm not sure about the details but I know one issue was that it was charging questionable fees and were in the middle of several lawsuits over it. Ironically I questioned these fees when we were matched and I was simply told "You need to pay this or you won't be able to match". After asking our consultant about it and she said they could charge it, I just simply paid it.

But now they've lost their license.

It is frustrating. It is discouraging. It is hurtful and makes me angry. I feel cheated. I know the fees we paid for were much higher than needed to be--much higher. When all was said and done, for Hannah's adoption we ended up paying about $75,000 when we were expected to pay $60,000. There were so many tears, frustrations, hurt and bills I didn't expect and didn't know would come after. You go through a lot with an adoption and it's an emotional rollercoaster.

But I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat.

We didn't have the most positive experience but I know others who have had it MUCH worse and lost a lot of money--a lot. It's a risk you take and everyone in the adoption world knows it.

Adoption scams make me so angry. The fees make me so angry.

But the rollercoaster ride of adoption brought us our daughter. It was 10000% worth it.

National Siblings Day

Anyone who was on Facebook today knows it was National Siblings Day. As tons of siblings pictures and tributes came flooding into my news feed, I couldn't help but feel a pull on my heart with every picture.

Back in 2010 and 2011 at this very moment, I was pregnant with Hannah's siblings.

Anyone looking at our family, would think Hannah is an only child.

She most definitely is not. She actually has at least 10 siblings.

I know everyone debates on what is a "baby" or when life begins. Some people may disagree with my logic and yet I know there are many people who completely agree. I know life begins at fertilization. If it didn't, none of us would be here. But that's a debate that will go on for years and not the point of this post.

Both in April 2010 and 2011, we transferred 3 "perfect" embryos we had adopted. We prepped my body with pills and shots and all that good stuff. My body was bruised, shot up and examined almost on a daily basis for weeks. When I went in for my transfers, I watched on the big screen with tears in my eyes as they inserted our babies into my body. They put our babies into my body.

I fell in love with our babies from the first hormone pill I took to prepare my body.

I've always felt those who have to go through IVF and transfers to become mothers are lucky. They get to see their babies literally days when they formed.

Days---not months.

They get to know they are pregnant literally days after fertilization and not weeks. For that, I've always felt blessed.

The day the doctor handed me the pictures of the embryos was one of the happiest days of my life without a doubt. I know I was holding the first picture of my babies in my hand. I was hoping and praying I would soon get to hold my precious babies in my arms.

I never got to hold them. All I have of those babies are those embryo pictures and the thoughts of what could have been.

We also underwent an IVF cycle in 2008 when 4 of my eggs fertilized but stopped growing due to a genetic disorder. They never were inside my body. I never got pictures. But they are my babies--Hannah's siblings.

So, Hannah has 10 siblings waiting for her in heaven.

Please understand I'm so grateful for Hannah. Every day I praise God she is my daughter. I couldn't imagine any other daughter than her. She is absolutely my pride and joy and I love her so much.

But I became a mom with every single embryo. I grew a heart for every one of my kids. And sometimes I just plain miss them. It certainly doesn't make me love or appreciate Hannah any less.

I love that girl so much. So very much.

It bothers me when people describe Hannah as an only child. I want to scream and tell people they are forgetting the most important siblings in the world! They are waiting for us in heaven and Hannah will be surrounded by kids when she gets up there. She most definitely is not an only child and one day I'll explain it to her and she'll get it. I know she will.

We have 3 dolls in Hannah's room that represent the 3 embryos from my 2010 transfer. My mom had sewn matching shorts for them and we put them on the dolls. I'll never forget about a year ago when my niece, Peyton, and Hannah were playing in her room with the dolls. Peyton told Hannah "This one is your sister, Hannah! One day your mom will explain how she is in heaven".

She gets it. Peyton totally understands.

Peyton has a special place in our hearts. When we were undergoing the IVF and our transfers in 2010 and 2011, she went to a lot of the appointments. She helped with my shots. She rejoiced with us when we got the positive pregnancy test. She was there when I got the call that I was miscarrying the babies. She saw me collapse in grief. She started crying and said "I really wanted a cousin here to play with and not just in heaven".

She got it. She knew I was carrying babies---her cousins.

The grief is real. I know I never got to feel our babies kick inside me. I never held them out of the womb and then had to say goodbye. I can't imagine the pain those mothers go through. The grief must be so unbearable and my heart breaks for my friends who have had to go through that.

But, I did see my babies get transferred into my body. I saw them. I have the pictures. I went through weeks of pills, shots, daily ultrasounds, long trips to the Cities, a trip to Michigan---all for the love of our sweet babies.

And they are real.

My heart bleeds for Hannah that she can't play with her siblings here on Earth. How I wish she could.

But I know this isn't our home. We're only passing by. One day Hannah will see her sweet siblings in heaven. She'll probably want to share her soggy Goldfish crackers and save "boo-berries" for them.

And I know when I die, the first person I will hug will be Jesus. Then I'll look Him in the eye and say "Please let me see my babies".

What a wonderful day that will be.

Happy National Siblings Day, Hannah and my sweet babies. You will be reunited in heaven one day and I can't wait for that day.

Happy Easter!

We hope you had a blessed day!

He is risen!