My beautiful daughter

A letter to my 20-year-old self

Dear 20-year-old Tammy, 

You don't know me. 

I'm almost 20 years older than you. If you saw me on the street you wouldn't recognize me. 

I know you're struggling right now. You graduated from high school, having had a huge amount of success in sports. You were on top of the world, ready for college to study to be a veterinarian. You were thinking you'd meet the man you were going to marry, have an amazing marriage, have the 4 kids you dreamed about and enjoy your childhood dream of being a veterinarian and saving the lives of animals. 

You never dreamed you'd be in the position you are now--taking a break from college as it just wasn't for you, living at home and working 2 jobs--praying you'd find your path again. I know right now you are thinking your life is such a mess. You're depressed--wondering how life could get so hard. 

You don't know the hardest is yet to come. 

You don't know that after a month of starting your second job, you meet the man you're going to marry. 

You don't know you're going to marry him thinking you'll be lucky if you're married 5 years before he passes away. 

You don't know that your first year of marriage is spent in countless surgeries, dialysis runs and endless trips to the ER. 

You don't know the dream of having 4 kids is going to be much harder than you realize. 

You don't know you'll go through 8 years of infertility, 12 IUIs, an IVF cycle and 2 FET cycles before turning to adoption

If you knew all this, you would be devastated. You wouldn't believe you could do it. 

I'm here to tell you that you can and you will. 

You don't know how strong your husband is, how his strength and faith are an inspiration to people all over the world. 

You don't know that your daughter will be brought into this world in a way that can only be described as a "God thing"and her story will help others realize miracles DO happen. 

You don't know that others will be inspired by your marriage and faith and just how much your story has touched others. 

You don't know that all this was possible because of a struggle when you were 20 years old. You took a break from college, worked a second job--and met your husband because of it. 

You don't know that your life will completely change. You'll go through more in the next 20 years than most go through in a lifetime. 

You also don't know you'll be ok. Your faith in God will be stronger in the end. 

You'll feel like the luckiest woman in the world as you hold your sleeping daughter in your arms. 

You have a hard road ahead of you. But I promise you you'll be okay. Just like in another 20 years from now, my 60-year-old self will tell me the same thing:

You'll be ok. And you'll make it. 

God is right by your side.

Hang in there. You're in for a wild ride. 

But it's got an amazing ending. And I promise it's worth it.